Submissive Craving - Power Trips

There are many things I do that send a clear message to my husband that I have authority over him. In this post, I'll refer to these actions as Power Trips. I think that's a fitting description since it is about me wielding my power over my husband. Power Trips come in many forms. It can be firm orders commanding him to do something, a demanding discipline session, a harsh punishment, aggressive sexual play, or fantasy play where I tease at how I own him and that he must obey me.

Sometimes a Power Trip is done with serious purposeful intentions. For example, if I feel Thomas is slacking off in his chores or becoming lazy, I may take a strict and serious tone with him and order him to immediately address the issues. I may take it further and point out small little things that need to be improved with his chores and I may even add a few additional tasks that I want him to do in the next day or two. The benefit of a WLM is that I can spout out orders and not have to worry about him arguing. He obeys without question. This is a bit of an extreme approach and it is purposely done to to correct his laziness and improve his behavior. It also serves a dual purpose of quenching his submissive craving, Yes, believe or not, submissive men enjoy and desire this tough and demanding approach. Thomas always gets an erection when I do this.

I also use Power Trips to remind him of my authority over him, which of course brings out his deep submissive nature. My fellow Goddess wives, if you want to try something fun, plan out a day for your husband and then tell him in a very direct and commanding tone what he is going to do for the day. The key is to be commanding and not ask or be polite. It could go something like this, "Thomas, I have a few things that need to be returned to Kohls. After breakfast you will return them for me and then you will pick up a few things at the supermarket for me. Once you get home, you will do all your chores before dinner. After dinner plan on running me a bath and I expect a massage afterward."

It is fun for me to hit Thomas with demands like that out of the blue. The instant change in his demeanor when I do this is exciting to watch. He gets excited, submissive, and aroused all at once. He becomes an instant loyal slave who can not wait to serve me and his submissive craving is being fed by me. I am still amazed at how simply changing my tone and attitude can have such an impact on Thomas. Ladies, if you have not done this with your submissive husband, you must give it a try. You will not be disappointed.

Last week I peeked into the living room to make sure Thomas was not sitting in my chair. He was not, but I let him know that I was checking on him. Doing little things like that to make sure he knows you are enforcing rules is another purposeful power trip that keeps him on his toes.

Then there are the Power Trips that are more fun and fantasy but also remind him of his place beneath me. When he is begging to cum, I may tell him how weak he is. I enjoy teasing his cock to the brink of orgasm over and over again, while telling him things like I own him, I love that he is my slave,  and that he needs to obey me and please me if ever wants to orgasm again. One of the biggest Power Trips is to tease him until he begs for orgasm and then tell him 'no.' When we first started our WLM it was fun to do this but it was not easy being tough. I would often give in. In fact, years later Thomas would admit that I was somewhat predictable when I would allow an orgasm. That predictability went away once I got my feet wet in WLM and learned that being denied orgasm is actually a rush for him, I became very good at denying him and I now enjoy having that power over him and I also get a rush from it. It is so much fun for both of us when I get him all worked up and then have him pleasure me to an orgasm but he gets none. Thomas can no longer predict when I will allow him an orgasm. Sometimes he goes months and sometimes he goes weeks and every now and then he might get one within a few days. I absolutely love teasing him like that and he loves the mind fuck from it all.

Another fun Power Trip is to take complete control during sex and be very dominant and aggressive with him.The queening position is great for this or having him kneel and perform oral on me. In the past year I've become much more aggressive with him during oral sex, squeezing my thighs tight around his head or pushing his head into me. Let's just say he's been having a hard time breathing down there. :). What's crazy is that the more breathless he is, the more aroused he gets. I must confess, oral sex has gotten hotter with us in the last few months.

Sometimes during sex (I am on top), I order him to remain still and not thrust. He is supposed to always remain still during sex or while I tease him unless I tell him otherwise. He is pretty good at following this rule but sometimes his natural instincts kick in and he starts to thrust. I will allow it on occasion if it is feeling good for me but others times I will reprimand him and tell him to remain still. Even when he is still, it is fun to order him not to thrust just to reinforce my authority over him. Whenever I give the order to not thrust or for him to remain still, something changes in him. His arousal suddenly spikes and it becomes harder for him to repress his orgasm. Another great mind fuck just by saying a few words!!

Power Trips are a lot of fun for me but also drive him wild and help to appease his submissive craving. As you become experienced in WLM, you'll find that often times you'll naturally go into Power Trip mode or sometimes it will be a spontaneous activity. It is also fun to plan a fantasy Power Trip every now then to spice things up and to remind him of his proper place beneath you. If you are a woman who is new to WLM, planning frequent Power Trips is a must! It is a great way for you to get comfortable in the dominant role while having fun.

I would love to hear what Power Trips you have all experienced and what are your favorites.

-Mz Kaylee.

Submissive Craving - Fantasy Days

Engaging in my husband's submissive fantasies on occasion and focusing on his fetishes is one way that I feed his craving. If you are new to Wife Led Marriage (WLM) or femdom, fantasy play is a great way to dip your feet into this new wonderful world and start to experiment with your husband's submission and your dominance over him. When a couple is embarking on a WLM, there is often a large imbalance between the husband's craving for being controlled and the amount of time the wife exerts control over him. His craving is much bigger and more intense than what she can give. A large part of this is usually attributed to her not understanding what to do or not being comfortable in the dominant role. Fantasy play is a great way to start bridging that gap.

In the beginning of my WLM, we planned monthly fantasy days. They helped me get comfortable in the dominant role and helped me understand his submission. There was very little domination that occurred in between fantasy days.  I was just not prepared to engage fully in the lifestyle at that time. However, over time, as I became more comfortable and confident with being dominant and as I learned more about the dynamics of his submission, I began to exert control over him outside of the fantasy days and I began to incorporate rules and expectations for him into our daily life. It was a slow and gradual change but eventually (after many years) the monthly fantasy days faded away because we had transitioned into a WLM lifestyle. For couples new to the lifestyle or who are struggling to keep it going, I recommend this approach. Guys, for you, this approach can be a compromise  if your wife is not engaging in the lifestyle. This is one of those times when you need to adjust your expectations and accept that domination will occur only during the fantasy times and really enjoy and savor those moments and not pester her about wanting more.

Although monthly fantasy days have faded away in my WLM, we still engage in fantasy days. They are just less frequent. Fantasy play still has a place in a mature WLM. Even a WLM can grow mundane over time. Fantasy days are a way to spice things up. A WLM is not meant to be all serious. Fantasy and fun are great ingredients for any marriage. I find that when I let loose and play into his fantasies and fetishes, it strengthens his submission to me and brings us closer together as a couple. When you engage in his wildest fantasies, he often experiences new levels of pleasure and thrills. If you have a strong intimate bond with your partner, like my husband and I do, it is easy to trust each other and completely let go of your inhibitions. The result is deeply fulfilling and intimate fantasy play that brings you closer together. It is almost spiritual.  I have heard others in a WLM, including some of you who read my blog, describe the same type of closeness after experiencing and intense fantasy or domination session.

It is very easy to engage in a fantasy day. I know my husband well so figuring out what to do is not hard. For me the hard part is getting into the right mood. It is easy to get caught up in day-to-day life and not take time out for fantasy fun. That is why it is good to plan a few of these each year.  Once I focus on it, I get in the mood quickly and it is fun and exciting for me too!  There are also times when fantasy play is spontaneous. If the mood strikes you at anytime, go for it!

If you are in a newer relationship or just starting the journey of WLM, just ask your husband about his fantasies. A word of advice is to continually ask about his fantasies over time. Often times men are embarrassed about some of their fantasies and therefore do not disclose all of them to you initially. As your relationship grows and your husband gets more comfortable expressing his fantasies to you, he will open up more.  Also, over time a man's fantasies may change so it's good to revisit fantasies. Another technique for drawing out his fantasies is to ask about them when he is horny. A horny man will open up more about his sexual desires. I find it very amusing and fun to tease my husband's cock while I ask about his fantasies. Keep probing deeper and deeper the more he talks and you will learn a lot. You can also ask leading questions such as, "do you enjoy being tied up," or "would you let me spank you?" I've discovered that the more horny my husband is and the longer he is kept in a horny state, the more bizarre his confessions become. lol! I don't get freaked out over it. Men do not think straight once their hormones run wild.

Once you know his fantasies, it is up to you to choose which ones to engage in. You have no obligation to engage in any particular fantasy of his. One of my husband's top fantasies is a three-some where he is submissive to myself and another women.  That's not going to happen. There are many other that I will not do. Some of the things that I will do which he loves include putting on fetish wear, turning into strict dominatrix, spanking, inspecting his body and queening him. I've also put a collar and leash on him and led him around the house like my pet. It really is fun when you get into it! Often time I will play into his feminization desires by taking him shopping for panties, making him dress in stockings, or planning a "girls night out" with just him and I, Some of these things I may do on a typical day and not as part of a fantasy. What makes fantasy days different is that it is a day where I focus solely on his fantasy or fetish and take it to a more extreme level.  It is pure fantasy and fun and not meant to be real.

Fantasy days are a lot of fun for both of us. In fact, I usually turn them into fantasy weekends and sometimes I extend some of the fantasy even longer. For example, earlier in our WLM, the only time I had Thomas wear panties was when we did fantasy play. Sometimes when the fantasy was over, I would tell Thomas that he still had to wear panties for the next week.  And to think, now he wears panties 24/7!  That's a good example of how our fantasy play transitioned into real life.

I enjoy doing fantasy days for my husband and I also benefit from them. As I wrote above, we bond during fantasy days. I also notice a stronger sense of loyalty and devotion to me in the weeks following a fantasy day. I can tell that he is happy grateful that I entertain his fantasies every now and then, I guess it's one way to ensure I remain the girl of his dreams :).

-Mz Kaylee

Submissive Craving - Part 2

In part 1 of this post, I wrote about how strong the submissive craving is in men. The many comments logged in part 1 validates that what I wrote about is real. Thanks to those of you who contributed and provided input. I enjoyed seeing that there was also discussions within the comments among a few of you. The discussion and sharing of experiences is helpful for all of us to learn and be encouraged in our WLM journey. If you have not read the comments in part 1 or contributed to the discussion, I encourage you to do so.

What I learned from your comments is that the craving for many of you is strong, occurring daily and even multiple times in a day. This is believable to me because it is no secret that men often fantasize or think about sex/woman multiple times a day. There were a few comments on how the desire to submit started at a very early age and that it is wired into your thinking. I have heard this before from men and my husband has also confessed that he had fantasies and desires of being dominated even before puberty. Many of you talked about feeling more balanced in your life and focused on your wife when you are under her control. It is a wonderful benefit of the WLM lifestyle.

A few of you noted that this craving is not something that you can repress. I believe you and I sense that it takes a lot of self-control to keep it from becoming obsessive. It is important for women to understand this. It is not healthy for men to repress these feelings and it is destructive for the relationship if the husband is struggling internally with these feelings and not able to open up to his wife about them.

On the flip side, submissive men need to manage this craving. If you can not manage it then it becomes destructive. Guys, sometimes you need to just live in the moment and appreciate what your wife is giving you. I often see a guy post a sob story about how his wife does not dominate him but then in subsequent posts or if you read historical posts you find out that he's locked in chastity and gets spanked and so on. He does not appreciate that his wife really is dominating him and that there are thousands of guys who dream of being in his situation. The issue is that the craving is so much that submissive guys always wants more and more and when that happens, you can never be happy. I am speaking in generalizations of course. I know not all of you think that way but I am sure that many of you can relate. Those of you who learn to control it, find happiness and fulfillment and those who can't will never be satisfied.

Guys, you also need to understand that most women do not crave domination in the same way that you crave submission. Some do and if you find a woman that does, then you've hit the submissive lottery. I am not one of those women. While I have embraced his submission and enjoy it, at times I find my husband's deep submissive desires to be annoying and trust me there are lots of things he wants me to do that I will not. Over the years he has learned to manage his craving and appreciate what he has instead of always wanting more. He has learned to change his expectations for the things he knows I will not do. It does not mean he does not fantasize about them or does not still have hope that one day things could change.  Even I have learned to never say "never". There are things I do today that I would never have imagined doing several years ago.  However, my husband has learned to not have high hopes about those things happening in the near future (at least I think he has :). By resetting your expectations, you can enjoy and savor the things that are happening now and find pleasure in them.

Of course I know the craving is not easy to control and as I wrote earlier, it is not good to completely repress it. The more the husband and wife can embrace it together at a healthy and sustainable level, the happier and more fulfilling the relationship will become. Even in a mature WLM, where dominance and submission has become a natural way of life, the craving for more still surfaces. Just like a traditional marriage, over time the spice in the relationship can fade away. In my last post I mentioned three things that I often do to keep that from happening: Fantasy Days, Boot Camp Training, and Power Trips.  I will write about those in my next post. Until then, please continue to share your thoughts and experiences on the topic.

-Mz Kaylee.

1 Million Views!

I just noticed that my blog reached 1million+ views. In today's world that's probably not much but it's an exciting milestone for me. Thank you all for reading my posts and for the great comments and discussions!! 

-Kaylee

The Submissive Craving

Submissive men crave to be dominated and controlled by a woman. It is not just a want or desire, it is a deep craving. If you are a male submissive you know what I am talking about. For women who are new to Wife Led Marriage, it may not be so easy to comprehend the submissive craving. Have you ever craved something bad?  Perhaps it's that craving for a coffee or chocolate and sweets. I often get the chocolate craving. Once it's starts, I can't stop thinking about it. If there is no chocolate in the house, it is torture. As I do my usual business throughout the day, the craving will stick with me. I may forget about it when I get busy but thoughts of chocolate always come back until I get my hands on some chocolate. Have you ever craved something so much that you find yourself imagining it and tasting it in your mouth? I have! No doubt if I am craving chocolate I will make a trip to the store to get some (or make hubby get it).  And when I finally get it...oohhh....it tastes so good and makes me feel so good...food orgasm!

I'm sure most of you can relate to the experience I described above. That is similar to what submissive men experience with the need to be dominated and controlled and the desire to feel submissive or owned. The challenge with men is that their submissive craving is frequent. Usually with a craving, once you get what you want, the craving dissipates and it may be a long time before that craving comes back. However, the submissive craving does just the opposite. The more submission is experienced, the more he begins to crave it. It can become an addiction. When you add in the constant arousal experienced by men who are denied orgasm over prolonged periods of time, the craving becomes even stronger.

The submissive craving is a constant desire to feel controlled and to be dominated. This includes desires such as being punished, spanked, or reprimanded; being talked to in a authoratative manner; being forced to do tasks, submissive or humiliating things; kneeling before his wife; worshipping his wife's body, being teased and denied orgasm; and kissing her feet. Early in my WLM I thought that a night of kinky or fantasy fun would satisfy my husbands submissive desires for awhile but I soon learned I was wrong. It would only be a week or two later that he would be wanting more. I'm sure the craving came back sooner for him but he was doing his best not to bother me with it.

For women, understanding this craving can help you motivate your husband and also keep him from getting frustrated or from seeking relief to that craving through pornography and self gratification. Some men have such a deep and constant craving, that it is difficult to quench. I know many of the readers of my posts fit that category and if you are one of these men, my advice to you is that you need to better manage that craving or you will never be happy. I will write more about that in another post.

First, let's focus on the woman's role in managing the craving. I want to make it clear that the wife is the one in charge. In a WLM it is not her duty to cater to the husbands kinky desires. Having said that, one must also recognize that indulging in his desires is a sure way to motivate him to serve you. His brain is wired to crave submission and if you ingore that you are only going to create frustration and unhappiness, which is not what you want. On the other hand if you embrace his submission and recognize that you need to stoke that submission regularly to keep him motivated, you will end up with a very loyal and obedient husband.

The most effective thing you can do is create a structured enviroment in you daily life that results in a continuous submissive/dominant dynamic. This is done through creating many rules and expectations that he must follow, having regular rituals and routines, and having regular discipline or feedback sessions. The rules and expecations must be clearly defined with high expectations and consequences for disobedience and unsatisfactory performance.  For example, a rule could be that bathrooms must be cleaned every Saturday. Cleaning includes cleaning toilet, sink, and tub, sweeping/mopping the floor, and wiping down the walls and mirrors. Notice that the expectations are very clear of what needs to be done and a deadline is given. When you have many rules like this, it creates a structured environment that appeals to the submissive mindset.

Rituals and routines have an emotional impact on him, which is a big part of the submissive dynamic. They are also helpful in keeping the WLM on track. It is easy for the wife to get caught up in day-to-day activties and not stoke his submission for days or weeks. Most women do not crave control in the same way a man craves submission and so we can go weeks without formally exerting control and think nothing of it. Men on the other hand, are desperate to feel controlled and desire it every day. A few days without control can make them feel neglected. Rituals an routines help prevent that from happening

I have written about incorporating rules,  rituals and routines into WLM in many of my past posts. I encourage you to read them to learn more. I also use fantasy days, boot camp training, and power trips as fun ways to tap into his submission. Are you intrigued by my descriptions? 😀 I had fun coming up with those. I will write about them and also how men need to manage their cravings in my next few posts.

In the meantime,  guys feel free to share your thoughts on the submissive craving so that the woman readers can get a better understanding of what I am talking about.

-Kaylee

Corner Time

Earlier this year I started using corner time as a punishment with Thomas. I'm finding that there are many benefits to corner time. What I like the most is how easy it is to administer. I simply send him to the corner and he goes. While he's in the corner, I can  watch TV, read a book, or go about my usual business in the house. I could even leave him alone for corner time but then I run the risk of him taking a more relaxed position and not feeling the full effects of the punishment.  Also, I think my presence during his corner time adds a bit of embarrassment for him and makes him feel more submissive. I also think he looks cute kneeling still in the corner :)

Another benefit of corner time is that it can be used for many situations. There are many variations of how you can use corner time, which means it can range from a mild punishment all the way up to a severe punishment. A mild punishment would be having your husband kneel or stand in the corner for a short amount of time. A longer amount of time increases the un-comfort, making it a more severe punishment. Other ways to increase the severity of the punishment is to require him to keep his nose pressed against the wall or have him hold a coin or piece of paper against the wall with his nose You could even have him hold his arms out while standing.

I read a post where a woman had her husband hold a dildo against the wall with his mouth. I thought that was a creative and fun idea that adds a bit of humiliation to the punishment. Little things like that create a deeper feeling of submission in men, which help to elevate your authority and power. The act of being sent to the corner in itself is embarrassing for men as they are being treated like a child. This clearly demonstrates a superior/submissive relationship similar to a mother-child and I think that dynamic is another wonderful benefit of corner time.

I also like corner time because it is a quiet punishment. I don't spank Thomas anymore because I have teenage kids and I do not need to be explaining to them why they are hearing loud slaps in our bedroom :). Instead I close the door and send Thomas to the corner. If the kids come knocking, then he grabs his robe. So far that's not been a problem. Because corner time is so discreet, you could even do it while away or if others are in the house. I've teased with my husband that if he acts up when we are with friends, I'll send him to the corner while they are in the house. If at someone else's house, I'll make him strip naked and stand in the bathtub.  I don't know if I'd truly to that but it is fun to tease him about it and it certainly keeps him on his best behavior.

Corner time is also a good add-on to a spanking or other punishment. After a spanking, the husband could be sent to the corner or he could be spanked while standing in the corner. So far I've only used it as a mild punishment. I'd almost consider my use of it as a combination of punishment and discipline. A constant struggle with Thomas is putting dishes and laundry away in the right spots as well as paying attention to some of the small details when I give him tasks to do. I started to use corner time as a way to punish him for his lack of focus and to motivate him to do better. For every item I find in the wrong spot, he gets 5 minutes of corner time. I find that less then 10 minutes it too easy for him, so he gets a minimum of 10 minutes in the corner. He knows to strip naked and kneel in the corner when I send him to the corner. Sometimes I will order him to wear his punishment panties or I may have him stand in the corner and lower his panties to mid-thigh or at his ankles and he must not drop them or his time in the corner is extended.

Since I implemented corner time I have noticed that he pays more attention when he puts things away and tries to remember where some of the less frequently used items go (those are the ones that often give him problems). His corner time has become less frequent, which is a great thing! It really is an easy and effective punishment. If you are not comfortable with spanking, corner time is a great alternative.

-Mz Kaylee

Getting Started in a FLR (by Debbie)

Below is a guest post from Debbie with advice on how to get started in a FLR.  I read through it and think her advice provides great guidelines for moving forward in a FLR.  Thanks Debbie for your contribution. -Mz Kaylee

Many women ask how to get started in an FLR, especially when they see how obedient and loving David is to me and to women he encounters at home and in work. Many men crave having a woman in charge but are afraid to raise the issue. Women often sense a man's submissive inclinations but fail to seize the opportunity to take control. How does one put the wheels in motion? Well, in every situation we've encountered it's the woman who recognizes her submissive husband's desires and takes charge. A woman friend, Diane, seeing how well David behaved and told me she wished her Jim would be better behaved. Sensing that Jim had submissive tendencies, I told her that all she had to do was assert herself and I could almost guarantee that she and Jim would be on the path to an FLR, Based on my experience with other couples and with my David I gave her some advice and even had David come in and attest to his complete satisfaction with my being in absolute control.

Girls, start small and as he acclimates to your authority accelerate the pace of your control. In our case David, like most men, is excited at the prospect of my having control. I was excited when David told me he wanted structure and routine in the relationship and I was only too happy to oblige him! I immediately started putting a set of rules in place. What kind of rules? Well consider the following:

1) Obedience - David recognizes that I am in charge and have ultimate authority. I may, MAY! consider his opinion but I am the ultimate authority and will make all decisions if I so choose. I give orders; I don't make suggestions or give choices. I order, he obeys!

2) Deference - David shows women respect and deference, not only at home or with relatives or friends but outside the home, too, in public and at work. It's “Yes, Ma'am” or “No, Ma'am”, NEVER “Yeah” or “No”. Women are to be addressed a “Madame” - We don't use 'Mistress' since I consider that to be the stuff of male fantasies and not conducive of an FLR. His deference extends to my family and girlfriends. He learned how each woman wanted to be addressed and complies with their wishes. My sister is Ms. Charon and my girlfriend, Paula, is Ms. Paula. Madam is always appropriate, for example, Madame Paula.

3) Housework - David was put on notice that he would eventually be doing ALL the housework, wash, iron, clean, vacuum, look after my wardrobe, and so on, Women have to invest some time instructing their man on how to do housework but it's a good investment on their part. David, as are most submissive men, was a quick learner and in short order he had a regular routine of housework that he loved. It took surprisingly little time before he was not only doing housework but doing it to my complete satisfaction! As he mastered household tasks I added more, a prospect that excited him. I don't do housework any more; my submissive hubby does it all! YES, ALL of it. He has a set routine of work every day of the week that includes serving me, my family, and my woman friends. I allow David some free time every day but ONLY if his housework is done. You can imagine what his doing housework does for me; I can relax, read, watch TV, go out with my girlfriends, or date - yes, I date. I decided to start dating when one of the guys in the office started asking me out - David has no say in the matter.

4) Finances - I advise women contemplating an FLR to quickly take control of the couple's finances; doing so will solidify your absolute control! More on this later in a post that I will dedicate to this important aspect of an FLR.

5) Discipline. Women should accept the fact that, from time-to-time, they will have to discipline their husbands. Women do themselves AND their husbands a favor when they administer discipline, but more on this in a future post.

6) His friends and leisure activities - Women should be in absolute control of her man's hobbies, friends, and outside activities. Women are sometime reluctant to exert control but her doing so is beneficial to the FLR. You don't want hubby going out with 'the boys' and having bad patriarchal attitudes undoing the rules and routines you've spent so much time putting in place. Again, more in a future post.

His reward? Know he is pleasing me and living a rich, submissive lifestyle. You'll be amazed at all you can accomplish in a short time.

Debbie