Sunday, July 9, 2017

The Busy Dominant Wife - Part V

Technique 2: Give him assignments, tasks, and new rules that reinforce your authority over him, surface his submissive emotions, and/or arouse him.

The primary goals of these "submissive assignments" are to keep his mind in submissive mode, keep him aroused, and keep him thinking about serving and obeying you.These assignments focus on the psychological aspects of your control over him.  Submissive assignments are perfect for the busy domme because once assigned, they take very little of her time.  The submissive on the other hand, spends his day (or in some cases several days) focused on the assignment. During the assignment he feels the wife's control even though she is not present.  In essence, a perceived reality of dominance is created for him while the Dominant Wife is off doing her day-to-day things.

Some examples are below.  As a reminder, these types of things are not key to a FLR and it is up to you to choose whether or not to implement them. They are fun ideas that are easy to do and can help keep your submissive husband's arousal and submissive desires heightened, which in turn motivates him to serve you.

Order him to research FLR articles for you and domination techniques.  You can keep it broad or ask him to research a specific topic such as chastity or cuckolding.  Remember that the goal is to keep him submissive, aroused, and thinking about serving you.  Therefore, the topics you pick do not have to be things you are thinking about.  It can be fun to give him a topic that is outside of what your currently do because it will make him start to wonder if you are considering doing it.  Imagine if you asked him to research cuckolding. You could have some fun with that one by not committing one way or the other whether you want to do it or you could hint that the idea turns you on a bit (even though it may not and you never intend to do it). That kind of mental teasing drives submissive men wild and plays into their submissive desires.  His mind will go wild with fantasies of being a cuckold to you.  Other strategies include picking a topic that is a turn on for him, picking a topic that you want to learn more about, or letting him choose what to bring back to you (this will give you an idea of what he is fantasizing about).

There are many benefits with this technique and I use it often. Through the research process he will have to read many different articles and blogs and put together a summary of what he has read or print out some of the good articles for you to read. This repetitive reading about FLR and femdom will most definitely put his mind in submissive mode and cause his mind to fantasize about being in those situations, which of course will keep him in a very aroused and obedient state.  The repetitive reading is also good training for him.  He will learn things that will make him a better servant to you. Another benefit is that you will get good educational material and ideas for yourself.  You may find that a lot of the information is not really what you are looking for but if you get just one or two good ideas or advice from his research, then it is a great thing. Having him do research for you is also a time saver for you since he does all the reading and eliminates duplicate information and weeds out the garbage (although you have to be careful that he does not take too much liberty in determining what is garbage).  Once you have the articles or summary from him you can read them at your leisure. Sometimes I will read it while he massage my feet and then comment on things or ask him questions about what ideas he likes.

Over the years I have learned a tremendous amount from these readings and have picked up many great ideas that I have applied to my FLR.  Also, for me in the early years,  some of the information helped to validate that what I was already doing was a good thing. When I would read that others were doing some of the same things I was doing it gave me more confidence that I was going down the right path.

Order him to find one or two videos or erotic stories about a certain topic of your choosing or of a scene that really turns him on.  I am sure some of you are surprised that I am suggesting this one.  After all, it is common for women who start taking authority over their husband to cutoff his porn habit. However, the difference here is that you are giving him specific direction and permission to do it. You are giving meaning and purpose to what he is doing and linking it back to you.  He will not be looking at porn solely for his own satisfaction. He will be looking at it with the purpose of pleasing you and hoping that you will make the scene come to reality with him.  It is very important that you are clear in your direction to him that he is doing it for you.  You can have fun with it and tell him that you are ordering him to do this so that you get ideas on how to drive him wild because you know it will make him weaker and give you more control over him.  You can tell him that you are giving this task simply to tease him because you know how excited he will get by it.  Be creative and have fun. The redirection of his thought process towards you instead of just generic selfish pleasure is powerful and can strengthen his submissive desires toward you.   The irony here is that you are taking something that is often a deterrent to a good relationship and turning it into a tool to gain authority over him.  The benefits of this assignment are very similar to the research assignment noted above. I have picked up a few ideas from the videos.  Watching another women tease/dominate a man can be very educational and informative and more insightful than reading about it.  Use this technique with caution and sparingly as you do not want to create a porn habit.

Order him to do assignments that keep him focused on you and his submission  These are assignments that play into his submissive desires.  For example, have him clean and organize all your shoes.  Submissive men love to kneel at a woman's feet or worship their feet. Shoes are associated with your feet and so the simple task of cleaning them will stir up those submissive desires and may even excite him.  For added fun, make him kiss each one before cleaning it or require him to put his nose inside each one and smell your beautiful scent before cleaning.  These little tasks will drive him wild.  Link the task back to you by telling him that as a Goddess, you deserve to have clean shoes and it his job as your slave to keep them clean.

Another idea is to have him hand wash your panties.  Men go crazy over panties and so this will surely excite him and surface his submission.  Require that he kiss or sniff your scent from each pair before cleaning. With Thomas I refer to this as worshiping my panties. Trust me on this one Ladies, he will love this requirement.  Give him the direction to wash each pair individually so that he can admire and worship each of your beautiful panties.

Other ideas include having him polish your latex fetish wear, clean your sex toys, practice sucking a dildo so he can perform well for you, refolding your lingerie, and shopping for you to buy you things like panties, lingerie, toys, or shoes. Be creative and have fun with these assignments.  The goal is to give him something to do that will stir up his submissive desires and keep him focused on his obedience to you.  If he has any type of "hot button" or fetish, find assignments that play into those fetishes.  You are most definitely tapping into the kink part of the relationship with these assignments.

Be sure to talk up the assignment and link it back to you or his submission.  The more you can attach emotion and meaning to the assignment, the more effective it will be in creating that perceived dominance while he is doing it and the more submissive he will feel while doing it.  I also like to tell him that he must be fully aroused (erect) before beginning his assignment.  This is usually not an issue for him. lol!   These are assignments that can be done on his own time when you are not around.  Simply give him the orders and a due date or time.  If he does not complete these assignments to your expectations, issue a punishment and have him do them again.

Technique 3:  Order him to masturbate for you  
When you just don't have the time to tease him, make him do it to himself.  You can have him do it while you are sitting in bed reading, watching TV, or sitting at a table doing work.  The order is simple - "tease yourself to the edge but no cumming."  You can also make him lick-up any leakage.  If you trust that your husband will obey you and can restrain himself from orgasm, you can order him to masturbate outside of your presence.  For example, during times when I've been really busy and have had no time to tease him, I have ordered Thomas to masturbate to the edge every morning in the shower.  While he did it, he was to think about how wonderful it is to be my submissive husband and server and obey me.  It can also be fun to have him do it in the middle of day at work or at a random time when he is out.  He has to find a bathroom or private place to do it.  Be sure to order him to think about you while he is stroking.  These little "worship" sessions will keep him focused on you during the day.  You can give him the instructions in advance or you can be spontaneous.  Why not send him a text one day while he is at work that simply says,,,"I want you to spend 5 minutes worshiping me before you leave work today"?  Make sure he reports back when it's done :)

Just to be clear this is not an open order for him to masturbate.  You are controlling when and how he masturbates.  You are giving specific direction on what he is to do and what he is to think about while masturbating.  He is masturbating not because he wants to but because you want him to masturbate for you.  Therefore, you are in complete control of the situation and still have authority over him. This is a very effective technique to control him.  However, it should only be used if you have confidence that he can refrain from orgasm.

That is all the techniques for now.  I will follow-up with one more post with closing remarks.  If you have any more ideas, please share.

Monday, July 3, 2017

The Busy Dominant Wife Part IV-Wearing Items For You

In part III of this series I ended the discussion referencing the importance of orgasm control.  It is important to understand that orgasm control is not just about controlling when your man can orgasm, it is about sexually teasing him and continually stoking his sexual desires.  That is a core motivator for men.  It is important that you play into his submissive desires and sexual energy in order to keep him motivated to serve you. When he is motivated, it makes your life much easier.   In my ideal state, I am teasing Thomas a few times a day, mostly just enough to give him an erection and then I walk away. During busy times my teasing will drop to a few days a week and sometimes it might only happen once a week.  If it goes longer than once a week I start to notice the negative effect on Thomas.  In addition to the teasing, during the busy times I also try to have some type of sexual play at least once a week.  Sometimes it becomes less frequent. During those less frequent times I feel we become somewhat distant or not as connected so I try my best to stick to at least once a week,

The right frequency and intensity  of teasing and sexual play will vary among couples.  You have to find the right balance for you and your husband, Think of the teasing and sexual play as maintenance to keep your husband going and performing at his best, similar to maintenance on a car.  If you don't maintain your car by changing the oil, doing tune-ups, or other recommended maintenance, it will still work for you but it's performance is going to decline slowly to the point where you're going to eventually have problems. However, if you keep up with the maintenance (teasing and sexual play) it's going to be reliable and always performing well for you.

Luckily for us, it is easy to tease men and play into their sexual energy and submissive desires,  A big part of female control and male submission is emotional or psychological.  By focusing on the mental aspects of his submission, you can have a huge effect on your man with little effort.  Spending just a few minutes to wire his brain can change his entire day and keep him submissive and focused on you even though you are not with him during the day.  This is the fun part of FLR in my opinion.  I am going share a few simple and easy to implement techniques that will play into your man's submissive desires and that will keep him aroused and motivated to serve and obey you.

Before, I get into the ideas, I want to make it clear that these are simply ideas and are not essential to a FLR.  You can choose whether or not you want to use some of them, all of them, or none at all.  While they are not essential or key to the relationship, I think they are great ideas that can add spice to your relationship and motivate your husband to obey you and treat you like a Goddess.

Technique 1: Require him to wear things for you. I want to emphasize the words "require" and "for you" in this technique.  By requiring him to wear certain things and letting him know that he is doing it for you, to please you or to obey you, it creates that feeling of submission and obedience in his mind when he is putting the item on and wearing it. Some examples:

Cock rings - These are great visual and physical reminders that he is submissive to you. The fun part of cock rings is that they enhance his erection and make it harder and more sensitive.  If he starts to get aroused during the day because of a random sexual thought (and men do that all the time), the cock ring has a multiplying effect on that arousal which leads to an erection that is hard to prevent.  Without a cock ring he may be able to suppress his arousal and prevent a full erection.  With a cock ring, this is harder to do.  Additionally, once he is erect with the cock ring, it takes longer for his erection to go away.  The result is that he may end up with several erections and longer lasting erections during the day that he normally would not have. It becomes a self-tease for him.  I also get a laugh knowing that when he is at work or in public, there may times that he can't get up from his seat because he has an erection (Thomas has told me of such situations in the past).  I have several different ring types that I use with Thomas.  One is a wide metal ring with the words "Mz Kaylee's Slave" engraved on it.

Ribbon - Have him tie a pretty silk pink ribbon around the base of his cock as a reminder of his submission to you.  This does not have the sane physical results as the ring, but it can have a big emotional effect.  For the first time, tie it on him yourself and make sure he understands it is a symbol of your ownership of him and his obedience to you you.  These words and the act of you tying it on him are the little things that have a big mental effect on him. He will remember what you say each time he sees the ribbon and it will excite him.  Emphasize how pretty and cute it looks on him (you'd be amazed at how this kind of talk excites many men).  Require him to change it to a purple ribbon mid-day and check when he gets home from work to ensure he did it.  Changing the ribbon mid-day redirects his mind from his work/daily activity to you and your authority over him. The act of taking off the pink ribbon and putting on the purple ribbon is an act of submission and obedience and will most likely cause him to be aroused and will probably have a lasting effect on him throughout the rest of the day.  He may also be thinking about it throughout the morning, knowing that he has to do it.  Can you see how this simple requirement can put your husband in submissive mode all day, all while you are doing your normal daily activities?

Butt Plug - For most men, this one is going to really put him in submissive mode.  With Thomas, I notice an immediate change in his demeanor when he has a plug in. He becomes very submissive, compliant, and a little quieter. Often time he can not concentrate with the plug in when I talk to him, which can be humorous.  You simply can not ignore or forget about a plug in your ass.  Thomas has described it as a form of bondage because his body naturally wants to force it out but once it settles in, it goes nowhere and it is not a normal feeling.  Every time he moves, stands up, or sits down, he feels the plug. Sitting can often become uncomfortable, requiring him to shift around a bit.  Anytime there is movement, there is potential for it to stir up his arousal again. The constant feeling of being filled and shifting around, keeps most men in a heightened submissive state-of-mind  Thomas is always horny when wearing the plug so it is a great tease for him. The plug can be a challenge to wear all day but it can be done.  However, if your husband has never done it, it may be something to try for shorter periods.  You could require him to wear it when he gets home from work and he can remove it when all his chores are done or wear it while you go shopping together, out to dinner, or as part of your nightly routine.  I have Thomas wear the plug every now and then.  It is not something I use on a regular basis but when I do, it has a profound effect on him.

Panties There is something magical about panties and men. When you order a man to wear them it puts him into submissive mode and makes him docile and obedient.  The soft clingy fabric has a much different feel than men's underwear so it is sure to keep his attention all day.  The embarrassing stigma associated with a man wearing panties can be very exciting and arousing for submissive men. It is a strange dynamic that's hard to explain.  Both my husband and I do not fully understand it but what I do know is that he can not help but get an erection every time he slips on a pair.  Not all men have the same reaction, but I bet there are more men then we think that get excited by thought of being forced into a pretty pair of panties.  I believe that even men who don't think this is for them may be surprised at their own reaction if they really were coerced into a nice frilly pair so I say go for it and give it a try.  For the newer panty wearer, having him wear panties under his clothes to work will surely keep him guessing if others know his little secret and can tell if he is wearing panties. It can turn any normal day into quite an adventure for him.  If he already wears panties, this may be a good time to change things up a bit and try something new. Pantyhose, stockings, or a feminine undershirt can all be worn discretely under his clothes.  A fresh new pair of silky or frilly panties can also stir-up new excitement in him.  There are also double-lined silk panties that are extra frilly and silky which are made specifically for men.  You can purchase these online.  If regular panties are becoming too normal for him, these are sure to stir up new emotions in him.

There are many other things that you can experiment with such as matching panties, an engraved ankle bracelet, or a collar.  These items can be engraved with special words such as 'slave' or 'Property of Mistress....." or "Mistress's Pet."  Thomas has a special pair of silk boxers that have the words "Property of Mistress Kaylee" imprinted on them.

I will write about the next technique in the next post.

-Mz Kaylee

Monday, June 26, 2017

Comments and Other Things.....

Hi all.  I've been out of town for several days so I am running behind on the next part of the Busy Dominant but I will have it posted soon.  It is great to see all the comments and those who are sharing their Ideal FLR State. I was impressed at what I saw when I returned home.  I will comment once I get up caught so please keep them coming.

Something that has come up in discussion in the comments is quantity versus quality when it comes to this blog. Gigi and John I appreciate you honesty and candor in this discussion.  The reality is that I I have other priorities that keep me from posting regularly and I do not foresee that changing anytime soon.  I hope the blog can still be a regular source of information for those interested in FLR. In addition to my posts, the comments are a good source of information as well that often continue long after the post.  I like Gigi's idea of getting more people to comment.  Unfortunately these blogs are not very conducive to conversation but I have an idea. I once took an online class in which the professor required us to post a thought every week.  Then within a few days each person had to pick another person's comment and respond to it.  Let's give that a try.  Please pick at least one other person's comment in the Busy Dominant series of posts or in the Ideal FLR State post and respond to it.  You can agree or compliment them, inquire about more information/ask them to elaborate, provide a counter view, or share a similar example.  If you haven't commented yet then go ahead and jump in and provide your thoughts.  Are you up for the task?

-Mz Kaylee

Monday, June 19, 2017

The Busy Dominant Wife - Part III Date Nights and the Less Than Ideal State

I hope you are enjoying this series.  Several days ago I posted a question to ask what your ideal FLR state is.  Thanks so much John D and Gigi for responding.  I hope many more will respond so that we can learn from each other.  There is no wrong answer.  Everyone is different and what's right for you may be different than someone else. I also believe that taking the time to think about your ideal state and writing it down is great exercise to get you moving in that direction or to maintain the state. Years of research suggest that those who write down their goals are more likely to achieve them than those that don't write them down so get writing....:)

In Part II of this topic, John Dalton commented about "using FLR as a tool of strength to overcome issues rather than a toy to discard when there is no time to play." That is a fantastic analogy and a great mindset for Women leaders.  We should always be looking to our FLR and submissive husband as tools to get things done and make our life better and happier. When things get tough or busy we need to rely on the strength of the FLR and deal with the challenges within the framework of the FLR. Even though it may be initially easier to do things ourselves, for the benefit of the relationship it is important to delegate responsibilities and tasks to our husbands. In the long-run it is better for the relationship and is better for you.  Below are a few more strategies to use to keep your FLR from going off the track during the busy times.

3. Schedule Date Nights and Getaways - A regular date night is a great way to stay connected and is a common technique that many couples use. Planned date nights ensure that you spend quality time together.  Weekly is nice but can be a challenge during busy times or if your have kids due to the need for a baby sitter (which can also get expensive). Some of my friends do date nights and monthly seems to be the common schedule. Thomas and I have monthly date nights.  We write it in our calendar so that we do not forget. There is no need for you to be the one to plan the night either.  When I am busy I leave it up to Thomas to plan the date.  However, I must approve his plans.  Usually it's just dinner and drinks or a movie.  Sometimes we'll spend the day together at a festival or a day of shopping together.  On occasion we'll go out with friends but most times it's just us two because the goal of date night is to spend time with each other.  If we are lucky and get the house to ourselves, we may just stay in and have some fun together :). You can spice up the date nights by incorporating some of the fun ideas, which will be discussed in my subsequent posts.

Overnight getaways with each other are also a great way to stay connected and in my opinion, a must have.  I will plan at least 2 overnight trips each year. It can be a long weekend or just an overnight trip. These getaways do not have to be fancy or expensive. The point is to spend time focused on each other.  We will often stay within a few hours drive of home and stay at a cheap hotel or bed and breakfast. The nearby city or small historic towns are great destinations because usually there are activities nearby or nightlife that you can enjoy.  When away, it easy to forget about the day-to-day stresses and activities and focus on each other.  I have some of my best times with my husband on these short getaways and we tend to let our inhibitions run a little wild, which makes for even more fun.  When we return home I am usually feeling refreshed and more dominant and his submission and obedience are at high levels.

3 Plan For a Less Than Ideal State but don't lose site of the ideal state. When busy times hit, you are not going to be able to keep your ideal FLR state intact.  However, rather than let things just fall to the wayside, it's better to proactively figure out what will work and put a plan in place to make it happen.  Set aside a 1/2 hour each week to reflect on the previous week and plan out the new week. Write down the plan and share it with your husband. This 1/2 hour a week of planning will go a long way in helping you stay connected to your husband, getting him involved with helping you, and getting you through the busy time and eventually back to the ideal state.

Review your ideal state and then figure out what things can still be easily maintained and what things will need to change.  There are some no-brainers. For example, he should still keep up with his usual chores. With Thomas, I would expect him to always make my morning coffee. Your orgasm control  and authority over him most definitely needs to stay intact. You may give him a little leeway in doing things or making decisions, but for bigger decisions he should defer to you and he should still be held accountable for inappropriate decisions.

Things that may need to change are items that affect your time or energy level. If daily massages won't work, designate one or two days a week for massages or tell him they will be on an "as-demanded" basis and he needs to always be ready to give you one. If you don't have time for regular discipline sessions, make them less frequent or provide the discipline feedback via notes, texts, or quick conversations. Focus on the bigger items that need correction and not the small battles. The discipline jar technique that I wrote about in a post last year has been very effective for me to provide discipline with little effort and good results.  Also, make sure you assign him new chores or tasks to help you out. To free up your time, think about temporarily delegating tasks that you would normally not have him do.  If things are hectic for you, he should share in it and be doing everything possible to help you.  A FLR is a perfect structure for this so take advantage of it!   If you delegate several small things to him, it can take a lot of stress off you and it frees up time for you to do the leading in the FLR.  

Maintain the perspective of the leader and not the "do-er" in the relationship.  Your first reaction should not be to jump in and do things. It is very easy to fall into that trap. Instead, your first thought should be, 'how can I get him to help me?' By spending time planning, delegating, and training him to do things for you, it will make your life a lot easier and keep the FLR strong.  Do not lose sight of the fact that the submissive husband craves to be dominated and told what to do. Use that to your advantage!!  Be dominant and confident and order him firmly to do things for you.  He will love it and it will help you.
Trust me, he would gladly work his ass of for you if he knows he's going to get a nice "rub" as a reward or it will free you up for intimate time together.

This brings me to another important point. Making time for the 'rubs' and intimacy is important. Your planning needs to factor in not only your needs but also things to keep your husband motivated, obedient, and submissive.  This is where many women struggle and often fail with the FLR. If you are like me, when I get busy or stressed, sex is the last thing on my mind so admittedly during hectic times it takes a conscious effort from me to keep the intimacy and sexual energy going. On the flip side, men are highly sexual creatures. During good times, bad times, sad times, and stressful times, they are thinking about sex. It is always on their mind. That is how the male is wired.  When the sexual energy from you suddenly drops or cuts off, it negatively impacts his attitude. He becomes demotivated and can even be depressed.  He may be doing his best to support you but on the inside he is most likely struggling with the lack of sexual attention. In an ideal world this would not happen, but lets face it, the male reaction is not always ideal. If you think back to the basics of FLR, orgasm control and teasing is one of the core techniques used in just about every FLR. That is because men are highly motivated by sex.  You need to use this to your advantage, no matter what the situation.

This makes for a good stopping point.  In my next post I will write more about orgasm control and get into the the fun ideas.  Hope you are enjoying this series of posts.  Please send feedback, thoughts, questions, or ideas...

-Mz Kaylee

Thursday, June 15, 2017

What is Your Ideal State?

I will have the next part of "The Busy Dominant Wife" published soon.  In the meantime I would like to hear from each of you on what is your ideal FLR state?  I wrote about this in my last post and described my ideal state.  Remember that it is not your fantasy.  It is a realistic state in your FLR based on your current situation, which takes into account both your needs & desires and your partner's needs & desires.  The ideal state can change and evolve over time.  If you have a desire to achieve a certain ideal state over a longer period of time, that is fantastic.  If you'd like you can describe your current ideal state and the ideal state that you hope to achieve in the future.

I would love to hear from both Woman Leaders and male submissives: What is your ideal FLR state? Are you currently in that state? It will be interesting to see if there is a difference between Women and men (please state if you are M or F if it is not obvious from your name).

-Mz Kaylee

Friday, June 9, 2017

The Busy Dominat Wife Part II - Putting a Strategy In Place

In my last post I introduced the concept that when things get busy it often becomes a challenge to keep the structure of the FLR in place. However, it is during the busy times in which the leader should lean more on the FLR structure to help get through the busy time and reduce stress. In this post, I will provide suggestions on how to avoid falling out of the FLR routine and how to maintain your authority and control during the busy times. The post focuses on a few "theory" type ideas.  My later post will get into some fun practical ideas for you to implement.

First the theory - think about what your ideal day-to-day FLR state would be.  Make sure it is realistic and not fantasy. It should take into consideration what you want as well as the needs of your husband. For me it would include things like coffee made for me every morning, hubby keeps up with chores, nightly foot rubs and massages, discipline sessions twice a month, he pleasures me several times a week, his orgasms are 6 - 8 weeks apart, he receives several quick teases from me daily and more intense teasing at least once a week, etc.

The ideal state is what you should strive to achieve on a day-to-day basis for at least 50% of the time during the year. When you hit those times when it is not achievable, the best thing you can do is recognize the situation and put a plan in place to keep as much intact as you can.  If the situation is short-lived, then it may be as simple as communicating to your husband that over the next week or two things are going to be hectic and that you expect him to still be on his best behavior.  You could have him do an extra chore or two to help you.

If it is going to be longer, then thoughtful planning can go a long way in helping you get through the tough time while also keeping the FLR intact and keeping your husband motivated. Situations that can put a strain on the FLR include, a project at work that requires extra hours over a period of time, taking a class while also working, taking care of a sick parent, or multiple kids activities such as sports, play, and clubs. As a parent of teenagers, I certainly have been one of those people caught up in the whirlwind of activities that consume most of my time.  It is the joy of my life to be involved with the kids activities but I also know it is important to spend time with my husband.

When the busy times hit here are a few strategic things that you can do to not lose focus and time with your partner:

1. Talk to him about the situation and tell him you need his help during the busy time. This sets the expectation that things are going to change a bit.  Also, a submissive man will be more than happy to help. Remember, his motivation is to serve you and make you happy.  You could play into his submissive nature and demand that he help you.  Let him know that even though you may not have time to watch him closely, you expect him to keep up with his chores.  By taking a firm and authoritative tone when talking about this, it will stir up his submissive desires and motivate him to work for you.

2. Plan "touch points" with your husband during the day and week.  Quality alone time with each other is usually what suffers the most during the busy times. Force yourself to spend time together even if it is just a few minutes a day.  Morning and evening are great times for this since these are the times you are most likely to be home together. It's as simple as waking up together and being in the same room.  I leave for work before him but he wakes up at the same time as me and will get ready for work with me.  In the evenings, go to bed together or establish a bed time routine.  In my house my husband stays up later to do chores :) but when I go to bed he comes up with me and irons my clothes and gets his clothes ready for the next day.  Then when I am in bed he goes back to his chores. Just being together for this short-time is enough to have quick conversations and catch up on things and stay connected with each other.  Other things you can do is have breakfast together, a quick call during the day, or require him to text you during the day or evening. Leaving him notes is another way to create a touch point. I use notes frequently when I am busy. I can write them anytime during the day when I have free time and then leave them for him to read in the evening or morning.  I will use notes to give him tasks and assignments to do, express dissatisfaction and issue punishments, instruct him what to wear during the day, or to express my appreciation/satisfaction for his obedience.

You can also incorporate routines and rituals into these touch points which will reinforce your authority, satisfy his submissive needs and keep him motivated. Our bedtime routine is that when I am ready for bed Thomas will go upstairs and get naked and put his robe on.  He will make sure a dry towel is in the bathroom for me.  If I am taking a bath he will draw the bath for me.  When I undress he will have my robe ready for me to put on.  Sometimes I will make him undress me, other times I will just have him remove my panties.  When I am in the bathroom he goes about his usual business but when I come out he comes back to the bedroom to iron my clothes.  If there is anything I need him to do, he will do it for me.  He will also give me a massage, which includes kissing my body as he massages. If I desire, he will pleasure me.  Then it's off to bed for me and he is off to finish his chores.  When things get busy, the massages may not happen but he is still required to do all the other things and I do require him to kiss my feet every night when possible.  There are some nights where our schedules are way off and we can not stick to the routine. However, the expectation from me is that when we are home together, the routine will occur unless there is some unusual situation. Having that routine is an effective way to feed his submissive desires. I certainly enjoy having him wait on me hand and foot but the little things like requiring him to be naked, requiring him to remove my panties every night, and requiring him to kiss my feet are motivators for him.  These requirements help set the relationship apart from a traditional marriage and feed his submissive desires.

Some other ideas for morning or night routines are:

  • Require him to kneel and kiss your feet or other part of your body before bed or each morning when you wake up
  • Have him kneel silent while you dress and get ready for work (during this time you can order him to do things for you and help you get dressed)
  • Have him dress/undress you
  • Have him get your shoes for you or put them away, and have him put your shoes on/take them off.  
These are all things that do not add time to your routine and some of them will even help you so they are ideal routines during your busy time. You don't have to do these every night either.  You can pick certain days of the week that he must do these things (slave nights), you can change the routine each week, or you can randomly require him to do them. For example, once when I was busy and had not been spending much time with Thomas, I woke him up early one weekday morning and handed him a note before I went into the bathroom. The note instructed him to put on a pair of panties that were on my dresser and kneel quietly by my dresser and wait for me.  When I came in he was kneeling and hard as a rock (exactly what I expected!). I proceeded to get ready for work while he knelt and watched me.  I had him dress me and put my shoes on.  I referred to him as slave frequently and he was not permitted to talk until I left for work.  I ordered him to wear the panties to work that day.  This whole routine did not add any time to my schedule, other than the time to write the note but it left a lasting impression with Thomas, fed into his submissiveness, and energized him to keep obeying me. It is also worked well with our schedule because the kids were sleeping during this time.  The randomness of it caught him off guard, which seemed to excite him even more. I only did it once but it had a lasting effect.

When you are busy, these touch points and routines will be a tremendous help in keeping you connected with your submissive husband and keeping him motivated to serve and obey you.  During your busy times, if you can incorporate at least one routine daily, that is ideal. I would recommend that at a minimum you do one or two of the routines twice a week and have daily touch points.  I personally enjoy being pampered and treated like a queen so I enjoy the routines.  However, I want to emphasize that employing these routines during busy times is a planned strategy by you to keep him motivated and submissive.  The primary purpose of these routines is not for your direct benefit.   This is the "maintenance" to keep him submissive to you.  For example, when a man kneels naked before his wife, removes her panties, and stares into her sex or upward at her naked body because he is required to, it sends a message to him that he is submissive to her, beneath her, and under her control.  Doing this regularly keeps him submissive, obedient, and happy.

In my next post I will write about planning for date nights and the "less than ideal state."

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

The Busy Dominant Wife

One of the challenges that many couples face is dealing with hectic schedules.  It is far too easy to get caught up in late nights at work, kids activities, and other life things such as school, church activities, and volunteer work.  These are all great things but when they converge together all at once it affects intimate time and "alone" time with your spouse.  It is very important that you carve out time to spend with each other.  It is great if you can do the above activities together as a couple, but it is also very important to give yourselves 1-on-1 time with each other. This is important for every couple regardless of your FLR status.  Couples who do not allow for this 1-on-1 time on a regular basis may find that after many years of marriage they've grown apart from each other.  No matter how busy you are, you need to make time for each other.  Your spouse should be your number one supporter in your life, which is why it is important to keep your relationship with him strong.

When 1-on-1 time is lacking, couples grow apart and that "spark" begins to fade and so it is important to keep intimacy and personal time with your spouse as a priority in your relationship. There are always going to be times when things are hectic and often it is out of your control.  However, your goal should be to minimize the hectic times and keep them short-lived.  Hectic times should be moments in our life and not a lifestyle.If it is turning into a lifestyle, then you need to seriously evaluate what you are doing and change your path forward.  Of course that is a whole discussion in itself and my intent with the post is not to discuss changing your lifestyle. What I do want to offer up is suggestions for managing your FLR during the busy and hectic times.

It is ironic that when we as female leaders are busy, we often rely less on our submissive husbands. This really is the time that we should be leaning heavily on them to do things for us.  However, we get so caught up in the busy things that we forget to delegate work to them or just don't find the time to take advantage of the pampering or do the normal discipline and follow-through routines. Next thing you know weeks or months go by and you are completely out of your FLR routine and you have a very unhappy and mopey husband.  During the busy times you should have an even stronger focus on dominating him and making him work for you instead of focusing on your busy work.  Make him work for you so that you are not taking on all the stress and work.  Oddly enough this will make him happier than if you were to become lax in your authority over him.

In my next  few posts I will provide suggestions on how to avoid falling out of the FLR routine and how to maintain your authority and control during the busy times. I'll start with a few "theory" type ideas and then get into some fun practical ideas for you to implement.

Stay tuned.....