Friday, December 22, 2017

Commanding Him To Cum

Commanding your husband to cum is a powerful and impactful action that builds your control over him and adds to his submissiveness. What better proof of your dominance over him than having him cum on command? Training and conditioning him to cum on command is easy to do and there are many techniques that you can use.

If you practice orgasm control you are already ahead of the game. I've written about orgasm control in my past posts but I've always focused on the teasing and denial aspects of it. In this post, I will focus on the orgasm. If you are practicing teasing and denial, you already know how to bring your husband to the edge of orgasm and if you've been doing it for awhile, you've probably mastered the art of bringing him to the edge over and over again and keeping there. When he is in a highly aroused state and focused on holding back his orgasm for you, having him cum on commands is easy. All you have to do is firmly order "cum for me" and simultaneously stroke his cock hard. Instant orgasm!  The three simple words are powerful. The last two words redirect his focus to you. He is cumning not because he wants to but because you want him to. Be sure that the tone of your voice is firm and commanding. It's the little things that make a big difference. You are sending a message to his mind that he is cumming for you and not for himself. This is much more powerful and impactful than simply allowing him to cum. In the past when Thomas asked for permission to cum, if I was going to allow it, I would respond with ,"yes, you can come." I have since changed my response to "cum for me."

It is a mind fuck for him as he is so focused on holding back his orgasm and then suddenly without warning, he is ordered to cum. Trust me, if you have him on the edge when you do this, the switch in his mind from holding back to releasing orgasm is instant and almost a natural immediate reaction. It is fascinating and I revel in the power that I can instantly bring him to orgasm at any moment.

You can try different variations with the command. Instead of ordering him with no warning at all, you can give him advance notice. You can tell him at the start of the teasing that you are going to let him orgasm but that he must not orgasm until you give the order. This present an even greater mind fuck for him because now he knows it is coming but just not when. As you tease him there is greater hope in his mind that this will be the moment he gets to orgasm. He will most likely get to the edge much quicker and find it harder to hold back. There is a much different set of emotions spinning through his head when he knows he can orgasm at some point compared to if he is holding back his orgasm as part of normal tease and denial. You can also give him a warning when the time is close.  For example, "I am going to let you cum in just a moment but just not right now...."  Watch how his arousal spikes when you say those words.

Another technique is giving him a count down to orgasm. This is a great mind game for him and also a good technique to use if you are new to teasing and denial and not quite familiar with the signs of when he is about explode. You simply tell him you are going to count him down to orgasm and when you get to 1 he can orgasm. When you reach 1, be sure to give him the firm command.  "5-4-3-2-1, cum for me!"  He will instantly cum at that moment! This is a fool proof option. Once you start the countdown his mind is completely focused on getting ready to cum. By the time you get to 3 or 2 he is ready to burst and can barely hold out for 1. A nice steady count down is a great way to condition him to cum on your command and he become very excited by your count down.

Once you have him trained well, you can have fun with the count down. You can start at 10 and do it very slowly to prolong the tease.  You could pause in between certain numbers and verbally tease him a bit about how close he is, how cute it is to see him straining, or how weak he is under your control.  The pauses will drive him insane. I do not recommend pausing at the lower numbers, unless you are feeling a bit cruel :)  It certainly would test his will power but there's a good chance he is past the point of no return and he may burst before you get to command him to cum. Another fun thing to do is stop stroking right before you command him to cum and watch him explode on his own.  Talk about the power of your words!  You can experiment with this and stop stroking on earlier numbers.  I've been able to stop stroking when I get to 3 and he still cums when I finish the count down and command him to cum. It's so much fun to watch and see him cum on command without any touching!  It's a big mind tease for him as well.

These techniques can be used with him masturbating instead of you stroking, or even during sex.  Be creative and have fun!

More on Power Words
As I indicated above it is a powerful action when you command him to cum for you versus just giving him permission to cum. Do not underestimate the power of your words.  Using the right words can multiply the arousing and submissive effect on him and can have a lasting impression. The difference between great sex and great femdom sex is that after awhile great sex is forgotten about but great femdom sticks in his mind year-after-year. Men do not forget those moments when you give them a great mind fuck.

You can play around with many words to enhance the experience of commanding him to cum. When you are in the heat of the moment, I am sure many words will come to mind naturally. Some phrases I have used are: "Cum for me slave," "cum for me Pet," and "Give me all of your cum." While he is cumming I may say things like, "Yes," "Good boy," or "That's right, cum for me." Another powerful command is "I am going to take all your cum from you." I love the dominance in this command. It is a fun command to use if you are going to allow him to orgasm during intercourse. This sends a clear message that you are in control and taking his cum. He has no choice.  You could follow the command with, "There's nothing you can do about it."

There are many possibilities with commanding him to cum. Be sure to be firm and confident when you give the command. When you combine this with orgasm denial, you will have a powerful orgasm control program in place that will clearly establish you as the one in control. Think about how powerful this is.....he never orgasms without your permission, you deny him orgasm as long as you wish, keeping his arousal high, and then the moment you want him to orgasm, you command it from him and his body instantly responds without thought. With you in complete control of his orgasm, he is under your thumb and deeply submissive.  A wonderful way to be, don't you think?

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

If You Could.....followup

Thanks to all who responded to the previous post.  I received lots of emails and everyone did a great job at keeping it simple and concise. I very much appreciate that! I still need more responses, especially from women. You can either post your comments here or send an email to me if you wish to remain anonymous.  I will not publish any names. Please refer to the previous post for instructions and my email address. 

Thanks! Happy Holidays!

-Mz Kaylee 

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

If You Could......

I have an idea for a post but I need your input.  I would like input from both men and women.  If any of you have a blog, please feel free to post the question below on your blog and or feel free to forward the question to others.  The more responses I get from both men and women, the better.  Please have people respond either directly in the comments in this post or send to me at
If you could have things any way you want in your FLR, what would be the top 5 - 10 things you would incorporate in your FLR?  Please answer honestly without consideration of your current situation.  In other words what is your ideal or fantasy FLR?   I will be compiling responses so please keep your responses simple and to the point and 10 items or less.  I do not want paragraphs of information or explanations of why you are listing each items.  Just send me 5 - 10 things your would incorporate in your ideal FLR. It could be rules, routines, or even the ideal way your partner would act.  For example, a few things I would list are:

        • Nightly massages
        • He does 100% chores
        • He baths me
        • Sex whenever I want and on my terms
        • He sleeps naked.
        • He responds immediately to my commands
Your list could be completely different and focused on different things. Certainly if you are a man, I would expect much different responses.  The example above is just to show how simple and concise I need the information.  If you wish to remain anonymous, then e-mail me your responses.  I will not publish names/responses.  My plan is to compile the information, share the results, and write a few overall observations on the results.


Tuesday, November 28, 2017


Hi all. It's been awhile since I wrote. Sorry for the long delay but things have been busy and I just needed to take a break from writing for awhile. You can thank my husband for this post as his recent behavior has motivated me to write this post. 

Unfortunately for him it is not good news but he has no one to blame but himself. He has not been performing his duties up to my expectation and slacking on his chores. There were a few big things that ultimately sent me over the edge but leading up to it, there were many small things. Things like not doing a thorough job cleaning the kitchen, not putting my clothes or the kids clothes away in the right spot and not neatly folding the items in my drawers. Some of it is him being forgetful but a lot has to do with his lack of focus on the tasks.  It irks me when I am cooking and have to look for a certain bowl because he did not put it away in the right place, especially when it’s not the first time I have told him about it. Many of these little things I talk to him about and discipline him and he does better but then a few weeks later he slips again. I was beginning to think that it was time for a punishment; something to get him to remember and focus on doing things to my expectation. My decision to punish was easily made the day I was driving my car and the gas light came on and I was not close to home.   It is his job to ensure my gas tank is always full. Goddesses do not pump gas J.  I’ve had to remind him a few times but I should not have to. It is up to him to check my car to make sure there is enough gas for me to do my needed driving each day. I was not happy at all that I had to pump gas. He received a text immediately from me that my car was low on gas and that I would have to fill it myself. He replied quickly that he was sorry. He knew he was in the dog house.

Punishments are a very effective tool in a FLR. In fact, I would say a punishment is very powerful when done right. Punishing your husband is essential for keeping the FLR strong. When you administer a punishment, it lets him know there are consequences for bad behavior and it also brings a fierce reality to his submission to you. When he faces the consequences doled out by you, it sends a clear message that this is not all fantasy and that you have authority over him. In my opinion, when you punish your husband and he accepts it, it has a real effect on his psyche which elevates your authority over him and pushes him deeper into submission to you. The ultimate outcome is a husband that is obedient and doing everything possible to make you happy and a husband that could never imagine a marriage in which he is equal to you because it is so natural for him to follow and please you.

In a healthy relationship, punishments are not frequent. If you have to punish your husband frequently, then there is something wrong.  He should not be disobeying you and displaying bad behavior on a regular basis. Punishment should be reserved for the serious infractions where he knowingly disobeyed you, did something unacceptable, or as in my recent experience, has recurring issues which discipline has not been effective in resolving long-term. Most of the time, he knows he did something wrong and the punishment should not come as a surprise to him.

The purpose of the punishment is to provide consequences for bad behavior in order to deter him from exhibiting bad behavior again.  Punishments also bring issues to closure.  Once a punishment is completed both husband and wife can move on with life rather than let something fester inside and stay angry.  I like the idea of let the punishment fit the crime.  More serious infractions lead to more serious and longer punishments.  The punishment can also be designed to provide a lesson specific to the infraction.  For example, in the past when he did not properly fold my clothes, I made him empty all of my drawers and refold everything and put it away again.

Earlier this year, I read advice somewhere (can’t remember where) that incorporating some sort of sexual connection or submissive connection into the punishment helps keep the husband from getting resentful or upset by the punishment.  My initial reaction was to disagree with the advice. After all, punishments should not be fun. However, the more I thought about it, the more it made sense and I realized that I actually do that myself. It does not make the punishment fun but rather it keeps his mind in submissive mode and makes it more acceptable for him to take on the punishment. If you’ve read my blog, you know that when I punish Thomas, I make him wear punishment panties during his punishment. This is the sexual connection because he gets excited by being ‘forced’ into panties. The difference is these panties are uncomfortable for him and they are just part of the punishment.  By the end of the punishment period he is ready to be done wearing them. They serve as a 24/7 reminder that he is in punishment mode but his actual punishment is much more unpleasant.

So let’s get back to Thomas. I have a few standard “go to” punishments that Thomas is used to receiving such as taking away privileges with friends or increasing his chores over a period of time.  This time I decided to change things up a bit. I wanted to get his attention and get him to start doing things right all of the time. A few days after the ‘gas incident’ I called him up to the room.  I had him strip down to the punishment panties he was wearing. Then I pointed to a pink bra on the bed and told him to put it on. He looked at me surprised.  I told him firmly to put it on and not ask questions. It was actually humorous watching him fumble with it. I had to help him into it.  Next I told him to get his butt plug and put it in. This time he obeyed without question.  I could tell he was embarrassed putting it in in front of me. Finally I had him put on a strap that snaps around the base of his cock and then pull his punishment panties back up. By now he was completely aroused and a bit confused. He was excited but unsure what was going on because of my serious tone.  He knew a punishment was eventually coming for the gas incident so I am sure he was trying to figure out if this was fun or punishment. He would learn soon enough.

I told him to put his clothes back on again, over the bra and panties. Then I told him my car needed gas and he should go put it in now. Now there was fear in his eyes. He questioned if I was serious. I explained that he already had punishment panties and that going forward I am incorporating a punishment bra. I talked to him about his forgetfulness, hastiness in doing chores, and lack of focus. I explained how I was tired of reminding him several times where things had to be put away. Finally I laid out the path forward, telling him whenever he has to correct something he did wrong; he will have to wear his butt plug and punishment panties while he corrected it. I didn’t care if it was just moving one thing from one cabinet to another; he would first have to go up and put those items on and then correct it. If he forgot to do something and I had to tell him about it, he would have to put the items on before doing it. Furthermore, once the items were on, he had to wear them until bedtime. I told him the bra would be reserved for more serious items based on my discretion. If he forgets to do something that causes me inconvenience (like put gas in my car) he will be made to do a task while wearing the bra.

I sent him off to put gas in my car. I could tell he was scared but I reminded him that it was chilly outside and he could use a coat to hide his ‘curves’.  I am not that cruel.  I would never make him wear a bra in public in the summer time. However, I later told him that there were many other possibilities for the bra punishment such as retrieving the mail from our mailbox at the end of the driveway, picking up prescriptions at the drive-through pharmacy and getting fast food at a drive through.  In the winter time I could make him do a lap around the mall with me.

This punishment was a bit out of my comfort zone.  I felt a little bad sending him out in public but it was night time, he was covered up with a coat and all he had to do was pump gas.  It was low risk with high punishment factor and it was very effective.  The fear of having to do that again has kept him very obedient and focused and he is paying much closer attention to what he is doing.  The strap and plug have been used a few times since, but I can see that he is paying more attention with what is being corrected.  He’s even taking notes! The plug or strap may seem exciting at first, but they get more uncomfortable the longer he wears them and it is very inconvenient for him to have to constantly change and put those items on just to correct something he did wrong.

I also sense that after the punishment he feels a much deeper submission to me now. He did not expect such a drastic punishment from me.  Now he knows that I can and will push limits to hold him accountable and this has positively changed his behavior.  Afterward he left me a note apologizing for his bad behavior and thanking me for getting him back on track.  I hope you see the power in this and how effective punishment can be.

I know it can be a challenge figuring out how to punish.  The panty/bra punishment is certainly an unusual punishment and may not be something you would want to try.  That is perfectly fine.  I just shared it as an example of a creative approach that is effective at both deterring bad behavior and increasing your level of authority in the relationship. If you can customize it to the infraction that is best.  The other thing to do is give him things that he will not enjoy.  Remember, you want to deter him from doing bad behavior by letting him know there are consequences if he is bad. Here are a few ideas:
  • Double-up on his chores for a week or two – have him do your chores during this time; also be extra messy so that his chores take longer
  • Add new punishment chores – clean all your shoes, iron a stack of your clothes, hand wash your panties each night, clean your car, clean the bathroom every night
  • Early bedtime
  • No talking for a period of time
  • Chastity Cage
  • No TV; no cell phone when you are together
  • Cannot go out with friends
  • Takeaway spending money
  • Micromanage him – he must ask permission for everything (to eat, drink, go to bathroom), when away he must text you every hour telling you where he is and what he is doing, give him lots of little tasks to do throughout day (get water, get pen, change his clothes, wash his hands, check the temperature outside, etc.)  If he complains, extend the duration of the punishment.
  • Sleep on floor or couch
  • Not allowed to sit on furniture
  • Make him eat after everyone else in the house has eaten.
  • Hand write over and over again, “I will not…..[whatever bad behavior is]”
  • Deny his orgasm longer than usual
  • Must stay home and do chores while you go out for fun.  Tell friends you are with that he could not come because he has things to do for you which he did not get done earlier.
  • Cold showers or he must take a bath using your leftover bathwater
  • Must get up extra early to do chores or do an errand for you (having breakfast or a fresh donut before work is nice).
  • Physical punishments that are unpleasant and become tiresome for him:  
    • Stand or kneel naked in corner each night or morning over several days (hold quarter against wall with nose)
    • Wear something uncomfortable every time he does chores such as a butt plug, uncomfortable shoes, or tight/spiked cock cage/harness
    • Hard spanking

Friday, September 22, 2017

Those Weird Kinky Moments That Bring Us Closer Together

Sex is an important part of marriage and I believe kink has a rightful place in the marriage as well. Just about every man in the world would not argue with this. It's unfortunate that many women do not recognize this. When a woman ignores the sexual component of her marriage it creates stress in the marriage which can cause her to be distant from her husband, or even worse, it creates risk for an affair to occur.  Men are sexual creatures; this can not be ignored. Women are sexual too, but for men it's much more prevalent and always on their minds.

In a FLR the woman recognizes the importance of sex to the man and uses it as a tool to control him and maintain authority over him. A woman who embraces her husband's submission and sexual desires will create an environment that strengthens the marriage and bring the couple closer together and connected on a deep spiritual level. When done right, a FLR builds an environment where the husband's life evolves around her not just because there are rules, but because he worships her, adores her, and is addicted to her authority and control. In this type of environment, the man feels lucky to be married to his wife and strives to to please her any way he can. The thought of an affair is non-existent.

Many women struggle with embracing their inner Goddess or Mistress. This includes letting their inhibitions go and actively using their husband's sexual desires and fantasies as tools to elevate her control and authority over him. It was something that took me awhile to understand and embrace and when I did, it opened up a whole new world to me. Here is the crazy thing - In talking with a friend of mine (you know who you are :)), we both came to the conclusion that those strange kinky moments brought us closer together with our husbands in a big way.  It's something you have to experience to truly understand. Before I elaborate, I'd like to share a few quotes from Elise Sutton. I consider her an expert on female authority and she has been a wonderful influence on both my husband and I.  In the early years of our FLR, my husband bought me one of her books and it helped me to understand how real and fulfilling a FLR lifestyle is.

"Men create the majority of FemDom art, pictures and images to express how powerful women are in their eyes and how weak they feel in a woman’s presence. These images represent what men are feeling inside."

"So I say to the ladies, please do not get offended by FemDom artwork, videos, or literature, no matter how graphic in nature some of these may be. Instead, look more closely at what is being expressed by the male gender. What are men trying to convey when they produce media that shows men collared and bound at the feet of a woman? Ask yourself, why are sites like The Other World Kingdom so popular with men? What do these pictures say about the male submissive nature?  If a woman will look closer, get over her prudish and self-righteous ways and examine the message more than the content, then she will gain an incredible insight into the male psyche. What is the underlying message to all of these expressions, regardless of the content? Is it not simply the male gender recognizing his need to submit to the female gender? Is it not the inner male child, crying out to be disciplined and trained by the female gender? Is it not the true nature of man breaking forth in his attempt to surrender himself to the female gender?"

The entire article can be found here: 

The article also talks about female superiority, which has been a hot topic here the last few weeks so be sure to check it out.

Ms. Sutton's observations and insights are spot on. Women need to understand that men desire kink and submissive men desire to be dominated by a woman. They want to be spanked, punished, held accountable, and put in an environment filled with rules, strictness, and rituals that reinforce their submission. They are happiest and most productive when they are in this type of environment. When things start turning back to "vanilla" their minds wander back to porn and fantasies and the focus comes off of the their wives. Even in a FLR, this can happen. Overtime, the FLR becomes routine and the spice is lost. Men in this situation overtime will often just accept the situation and even start believing that kinkiness should not be a part of the FLR. I've seen this dynamic play out in forums where you have people who have many years of experience in a FLR.  A new comer posts a kinky experience and then all the old timers blast him for it. In those situations, I think it's the old-timers that need to reevaluate themselves. They've essentially been trained by their wives that the kinky desires are bad or that they should suppress these desires. However, I'm pretty sure deep down, those desires exist in those men and if their wives simply played into them, it would take their marriage to a whole new level and the men would not complain at all.

I'll caveat a few things here. For most men, the need for kink declines when they are older but I don't think it ever goes away. I can tell you my hubby is in his late 40's and is horny as ever.  Also, in more mature relationships there tends to be a less emphasis on kink. I believe it's in the best interest of the marriage to always have some level of kink, but the frequency and intensity of it will vary based on the individuals desires and will probably change over time.

I also want to make it clear that I am not saying the old-timers in my example are unhappy or disconnected in the marriage. The fact that they are in a FLR probably means they are happier and more connected to their wives than most other men who are in vanilla relationships. One can certainly have a FLR without kink. The point I am making is that kink is a powerful tool that brings the couple closer together, makes the marriage happier, contributes to the increasing authority of the wife over the husband and for the husband creates loyalty to his wife. A husband without kink is living like a caterpillar, whereas if he had kink, he could experience his full potential as a butterfly and live a much more fulfilling life. With kink he will happily soar on his submissive wings and bring even greater joy to his wife.

I will share a few of my own personal examples to bring some context to all this theory. When I first married Thomas, I never imagined that many years later I would have him lying over my lap, dressed in frilly panties, and waiting be spanked with my riding crop. I did not even know the concept of orgasm control and denial, or that there were wives that punished their husbands. When Thomas brought those concepts to me I thought it was strange and weird but I kept an open mind about it and gave it a try. It was only after living through these experiences a few times that I began to gain an understanding of why the FLR dynamic worked.

One of my earlier kinky experiences was when I focused on the "little girl" in Thomas. I had put him in panties previously, but this particular time, I was more comfortable in my role and I playfully teased him and talked about how cute he was in panties and told him that he was my little girl. The reaction from him was indescribable. He was quiet, docile, almost blank. I knew he was aroused beyond belief.  He was in subspace.  I think he was shocked that I went "there" and I was a little surprised myself. I felt his vulnerability, his submission to me, and my power over him. He was putty in my hands.

It was a very intimate moment for us. It brought us closer together. The next day he could not thank me enough for doing it. His obedience to me was at an all time high the next few days and his loyalty to me increased. He confessed he was embarrassed by it but that he was also very excited by what happened. He did not understand it, but he loved it. How many husbands and wives have those types of very personal and intimate experiences and discussions? When you can  talk about those things, it creates a special bond. It is wonderful.

I have more examples to share but I will pause there for now. Please share your thoughts or similar experiences. I also encourage all of the women readers to explore the kinky side of the relationship. It's never too late to start. Trust me, your husband will love it and it will do wonders for your relationship. If you have any reservations about this, please share and we can discuss.

-Mz Kaylee

Friday, September 8, 2017

The Superior Female

Some of the comments in the post “The Dominant Part of FLR“ centered on Female Superiority and whether or not females are superior to men. If you search the internet (and I did) you will find articles that make the case for female superiority and articles that make the case for male superiority. Which side is right? Some are a little more scientific than others.  The article below presents a balanced view of both arguments:

I never paid much attention to the argument and considered female superiority more fantasy than fact. However, the recent comments have had me thinking about it more. I’ve been reflecting on the behaviors in my own marriage and have begun to wonder if I’ve been subscribing to the female superiority belief on a subconscious level. To start with, Thomas refers to me as Goddess and I do take on that role well J. It actually took many years for me to embrace the role but once I accepted my role as Goddess to Thomas, it unlocked a whole new world for me and our FLR grew in leaps and bounds.  We use the term ‘worship’ quite often. Thomas worships my feet, he worships my panties, and after he massages my body, he thanks me for allowing him to worship my body. Is it really worship or is it fantasy? He regularly kneels before me and kisses my feet. He also kisses my legs, ass, and other body parts before he massages them. These are all signs of worship. Does that make me superior to him?  

Then there is the ownership thing. I feel a sense of ownership in Thomas. How about it  my fellow Goddesses and Mistresses, don’t you feel this too? I know Thomas wants to feel like he’s owned. He is still my husband but it is like he is also my property. I can do what I please with him and he obeys without question. I use him for my pleasure when I want and I use him as a work horse for me and he loves it. When you think about it, over the years I have trained him, shaped him, and molded him. Most of what he does during the day is either for me or because of me. I have shaped his daily behaviors and even molded the way he thinks. I take ownership in that. Does that make me a superior being to him?

Thomas could not imagine a life where he is equal with me and neither could I. We both agree that our marriage is much better and individually we are better people and much happier with me in the lead and him submitting to me. He may be physically stronger than me but I can outsmart him. I know how to push all his buttons and wrap him around my finger and get him to do just about anything. Does that make me stronger than him? I am definitely superior to him in marriage and in life. He has accepted that but does that make me a superior being to him?  Maybe.

Taking the stance of females being superior over males is certainly a great way to embrace the dominant role and there is no doubt in my mind that if both partners embrace this concept their FLR will flourish but is it really just fantasy? Where I struggle the most with the concept is outside of the marriage.  Am I to expect that when Thomas walks into a room of women, he is to accept that he is inferior to all of them? I’m not so sure about that. There are quite a few women that I know, whom I would not consider superior to my husband.  I would expect him to treat all women with respect and go out of his way to accommodate them, but not that he see himself as an inferior human to them. What about when I walk into a room of men….should I feel superior to them?  Hmmm, I like that thought J.  It’s a great thought but I sense that a woman who viewed herself superior to men might come off condescending and will have challenges building relationships and trust with men.  Perhaps that would not matter to the superior woman. If I proclaim myself a superior being to men, what does that matter anyway?  Why is that important?  It’s just another label. 

Please share your thoughts and opinions. It would be great to hear discussions arguing for each side (superiority vs. equality).

-Mz Kaylee

Sunday, September 3, 2017

Exerting your Dominance

This post is a followup to the previous post. You all are making it easy to write this post. Your comments have been great and on point to what I was thinking. Much of what was shared are things I would consider a must in a FLR and some are things that are not necessarily "musts" but are practices that enhance and strengthen the FLR and distinguish it from a typical vanilla relationship.

If you recall, the questions we were trying to answer were: what makes a FLR real and not just a game to spice up the marriage; how do you keep it from being vanilla?

From the comments shared, here are the things I consider musts:
  1. Orgasm Control -this directs his focus to the wife and gives her authority over him.
  2. Formal acceptance of her authority.  No negotiation of the established authority -  formal acceptance is a key distinguishing factor compared to a traditional marriage where the wife is known to "wear the pants."  
  3. Inequality - FLR does not exist if there is equality.
Items from the comments that are not required but add to the wife's dominance and keep the relationship from becoming vanilla:

  1. Punishment - makes him accountable for his actions and establishes clear lines of power and authority between husband and wife.. The first time he is punished, it brings a new level of reality to the FLR and he learns it's not a fantasy anymore. Punishment also improves obedience.
  2. Financial control - Money is a source of power.  When the wife controls the money, she increases her power and authority over him. Without direct access to money, the husband becomes dependent on her and this deepens his submission to her. What better way to pay tribute to your wife than to work hard to earn money and let her spend it how she desires? 
  3. He does most of the chores - This one is not on the must list but it is pretty much a staple in every FLR. I can't imagine why a wife would not take advantage of this one. Very early in the FLR the wife may not know enough about FLR or have enough confidence to start assigning chores, but usually she gets there pretty quickly. When it comes to chores, I see two differences in a FLR versus a traditional marriage. First, in a FLR most, if not all, chores are assigned to the husband. The wife is only doing chores that she wants to do or has to do out of necessity. Whereas in a traditional marriage there usually is a balance of work between husband and wife and it is often split based on social norms (e.g. girls clean and guys do the labor intensive work). The other difference is that in a FLR the wife has clear expectations on how and when chores are done and if they are not done according to those expectations, there are consequences for the husband. Before we started a FLR Thomas did his chores his way and I felt I did not have much say. For example, he did the dishes but sometimes he would let them sit until the next day or not put the clean dishes away for days. He did not always wipe the table down either. If I complained about this, he might do better for a few days but then go back to his old habits. If I said something again it would be nagging. Sometimes I would wipe the table and counters and put things away rather than confront him. Now in our FLR, he knows he must have the dishes done every night and wipe the table and counters or he will be punished. I have no reservations about holding him accountable for these expectations.
  4. Rituals - many of you described rituals. I loved reading how many guys on a daily basis bend to their knees in front of their wives and proclaim their love and obedience for her.  How wonderful and romantic and a great way to keep the bonds of marriage and FLR strong.
Thank you all for your contributions on this topic.  You captured many key elements of a FLR that separate it from a traditional marriage. In addition to the above, control in the bedroom is another aspect of the FLR. This can be implied with orgasm control but I thought is was worthy of expanding the discussion more. With Thomas I have complete control when it comes to sex and the bedroom activities. Sex is always on my terms and when and how I want it.  He can voice an opinion but I choose whether or not to do anything about it. If I want an orgasm, I get one, His cock belongs to me and is my play toy to use whenever I desire. He pleases me anyway I desire and his pleasure is secondary.  During sex he is always on the bottom, and is not allowed to thrust unless I give permission. He never expects an orgasm but always seeks to give me one. He must always ask for permission to cum, no exceptions to this rule! How a woman chooses to manage the sex and bedroom play is up to her but it should always be on her terms.

It is also important that the wife keeps the FLR evolving. Believe it or not a FLR can become vanilla to the husband and wife. Someone on the outside may not see it as vanilla but for a couple that has been living the same routines over a period of time, those routines can become vanilla and then the relationship loses its spark. Your FLR should be a never ending journey that keeps evolving and growing. I think many women do fall into the routine and that is one of these reasons I started my blog.  There are so many blogs and articles about how to start a FLR but very few address the ongoing challenges of a FLR and what to do after you have established it.  One of my goals for this blog is to share ideas to keep relationships fun, exciting, and evolving.

Each topic above is worth digging into more deeply. I plan to expand on each one in my next few posts. If there is one in particular that you have an interest in, let me know. I also encourage you to read the comments in the previous post. There is great discussion and I have spent time replying to comments. However, I do not want to be the only one responding. Please add your thoughts and opinions to the discussions. Thanks to those of you who have been contributing. I am thrilled to see so many different people commenting and sharing their real life experiences.  Your contributions truly make this blog much more meaningful and a great source of information for both men and women.

Mz Kaylee