Friday, February 24, 2017

Elevate Your Dominance / Strengthen his Submission

Something that has been fascinating to me is how the 'power' or control in my marriage has evolved over the years since we began our FLR.  When a couple embarks on a FLR it is not as simple as flipping a switch and everything changes.  It is a journey where both parties evolve and work at figuring out the right balance of power and control. There are varying degrees of power; the right balance is different for each couple and I have also discovered the right balance changes over time.

Thomas and I were married for many years prior to experimenting with FLR.  In those years, our marriage was clearly a marriage of equals.  Neither one of us was more dominant than the other in the marriage.  Thomas was the one who brought the FLR concept to me.  At first it was fun and fantasy play for me.  Thomas probably took it more serious than me.

At that point in time, I did not feel any change in control in our marriage because it was just fantasy play to me.  However, about a year or two later, there was a difference.  The fantasy play evolved into something real. I had clear expectations for Thomas and there were consequences for him if he did not meet them or if he disobeyed me. One day, Thomas confessed to me that he felt my control over him was real and that he no longer felt we were in a marriage of equals. This confession was strange to hear but he was right.  I had clearly taken the lead in the relationship and had power over him. It was not tremendous power, but it was power.  I'd say it was about a 60/40 split.

If it was up to Thomas, the power would have been shifted much more in my favor but I just was not ready for that.  However, over time I grew as the leader and became more confident in my dominance. My expectations for him became even greater and my influence over him grew.  His desire to serve and please me grew.  I became the final voice in decision making and there was a growing expectation that he ask me for permission to do things.  The power shifted again...60/40, then 65/35, and even higher now.  The numbers are somewhat arbitrary but the point is that my power over him has grown stronger over the years.  Likewise his submissive desires are stronger and his desire to serve, obey, and please me are much greater than when we first started our FLR. It is a thrilling evolution that we both find exciting.  In the early years there was a lot of learning, trial and error, and even conflict to achieve the power dynamic.  However, at some point it turned into a natural evolution for us.  Probably around the 65/35 mark, the power exchange just took on a life of its own and grew naturally.  Perhaps it was because of my new confidence and comfort in the leadership position or maybe it was because Thomas became comfortable in his submission and became so in tune with me that he knew the right ways to serve and satisfy me and therefore his submission evolved even more.

There are many factors that created the power dynamic in our relationship. The most influential factor was me taking control of his orgasms.  Men think about sex pretty much every day and so when you take control of their sex, you become their central focal point.  When they know they have to satisfy you in order to earn an orgasm, you gain instant power over them. Another influential factor was punishment and discipline.  When you punish a man, he learns that there are real consequences for his actions and disobedience.  When he accepts the punishment, he is acknowledging your authority over him. This is incredibly powerful.  The first time I punished Thomas I felt like it had a tremendous psychological effect on him. It really hit home to him hat he was beneath me in the hierarchy of authority and power. Regular discipline sessions also added to my authority. This was another one of those activities that at first seemed silly and more fantasy play to me.  However, after a few sessions, they began to take on a more serious tone. I used these sessions to set expectations for Thomas for the week and to review his performance from the previous week. During the sessions he was always in a submissive position to me, either over my lap, kneeling, or bent over. My discipline sessions do not involve beating him.  I use a riding crop but there is more talking and discussion than spanking.  The spanking is just to reinforce my points and to emphasize my authority.  The repetitiveness of doing this on a regular basis reinforced the submissive/dominant bond between us. The more I disciplined him the more obedient and submissive he became.

There are many other subtle and no so subtle actions that shifted the power in my favor over the years but I think orgasm control and punishment and discipline were the most influential.  These are my observations now as I look back over our relationship and how it has evolved. I had no idea the effect of these things while I was doing them.  It is fascinating at how it all flows so naturally for us now.  My husband's natural reaction is to look to me for decisions and I don't think twice about ordering him to do things for me when I need something or correcting him if he is not meeting my expectations.  I don't think either of us can even imagine being in 50/50 relationship.

Something I have learned is to not underestimate the mental/psychological aspects at play in a FLR. There are many small actions that influence and impact the mind including the words you use, visual cues, and physical actions..  The more you can understand these actions and their effect, the more effective you can be as the leader, not only in influencing your husband but also in creating a thrilling and fun experience for him.

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Taking A Fresh Look at your FLR

The beginning of a new year is a time when many people set goals for themselves and strive to make positive changes in their life.  It is also a good time set goals for your marriage and how you can positively improve upon your FLR.  Or perhaps you are not in a FLR but have been thinking about it.  Why not give it a try in 2017?  At the end of 2015 I wrote a post about setting goals for your FLR in the new year. I re-read the post last week and thought it was still very relevant for 2017.  I've already begun to think about it in my marriage.  I encourage you to read it and act on it.  Below is the link. Here's to a great 2017!

-Mz Kaylee

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Hen pecked husband versus Submissive Husband

A recent post on the I'm-Hers blog posed the question of what is the difference between a hen-pecked husband and a submissive husband.  This is a great question to think about.  I believe there are two big differences: 1) perspective and attitude of the husband and wife and 2) the consequences of obeying or not obeying the wife.

Many of the readers who commented on the post mentioned item 1 above. I'd like to dig deeper into this thought.  In my opinion, the perspective of the hen pecked husband is that he is following orders because that is the role he fell into in the relationship.  He is obeying simply to follow orders and maybe keep peace in the house. He may or may not be happy with this.   I think many men are perfectly content in this situation.  There are probably also men who do not like  being hen pecked and feel nagged and are unhappy.  I would imagine the wife in the hen pecked relationship feels a bit frustrated as she has to constantly tell her husband what to do.  The consequences of the husband obeying is that he keeps peace and avoids more nagging, at least until the next thing comes up.  If he does not listen to the wife, then there is probably even more nagging which may lead to arguing and yelling.

In a FLR, the submissive husband takes pleasure and enjoyment in serving the wife.  He wants to please her and wants to treat her like a queen. An order from his wife is not seen as nagging.  In fact the submissive husband enjoys being given orders. The submissive husband obeys to please his wife and not simply to keep peace.  The wife in the FLR also takes a different approach.  The 'nagging' wife is more reactive to things whereas the FLR wife is thinking ahead and setting ground rules and expectations for the husband so that she does not have to nag him about things. If the submissive husband does not follow her orders, he is punished or disciplined.  In most cases, the husband knows he is wrong and feels bad about not obeying. There are also positive rewards for the submissive husband for obeying the wife.  When she is pleased, he is happy and she may also decide to treat him to some fun teasing or an orgasm for good behavior.

A change in perspective can make a world of difference in a relationship. It's not easy to make that change but if you can do it, it can be a life changer.  One of the great things about FLR is that it creates fun and excitement out of everyday chores and tasks.

Please share your thoughts on this topic and I encourage you to visit the I'm Hers blog and contribute to the discussion there.

Thursday, December 15, 2016

The "Come Here" Technique

This topic is on the fun side of things.  There is common advice published for men that tell them how to find a woman's g-spot.  Basically you put your finger inside her sex and then bend it forward like you are gesturing for someone to 'come here.'  I have discovered that this technique can also be applied to men to drive them wild.  Perhaps some of you already know this but it was new discovery for me and so I thought I'd share it.

Sorry to get vulgar here but it is the only way to describe it.  You want to start with your finger pressing into the edge of his anus or right on the rim.  Then make a long "come here" gesture with your finger, going all the way from his anus to the base of his balls.  If you do this while he is fully aroused, it will feel good for him. There are many ways you can experiment with this gesture.  You can do shorter gestures, starting just behind his balls or midway between the anus and balls, and doing a short come here gesture pressing into balls (hooking them with your finger at the base). I find quick short strokes are a great tease.  You can also apply different pressure - use just your finger nail with light or moderate pressure or use the tip of the finger and press hard. You can press pretty hard in this area and it does not hurt. In fact, he may like it better that way.    I've also found it to be a great tease to just press with your finger in various spots. You can follow the same path from the anus to his balls but instead of flicking your finger, you are pressing firmly and releasing over and over again as you move along the path.

Using just this technique alone will make him feel good but usually is not enough to make him orgasm because there is no pressure on his cock.  I like doing this in between teasing his cock. I will tease his cock and get him to the edge, then I will lightly caress his balls and then move down beneath to do the "come here" technique. This allows him to come off the edge a bit but still keeps him aroused.

Now if you really want to drive him insane, use one hand to do this technique and use the other hand to simultaneously hold his cock firmly or stroke his cock.  Just a warning that he probably will not last long.  You will bring him to the edge very quickly if you do this and it will be very hard for him to hold back.  I find it quite fun to do this when he is super aroused and then tease him about how weak he is because he can only last a few seconds before begging for release.  If you want to give him a mind blowing orgasm, then use this technique and when his orgasm starts keep going but apply very firm pressure underneath  during his orgasm. He will have a very explosive mind blowing orgasm.

For those of us that have an orgasm control regiment, this type of orgasm is not something that would be usual.    I allow my husband just a few orgasms a year and sometimes they are even 'ruined' orgasms.  However, once in awhile I do like to allow him a really good one.  It is a nice reward for him and lets him know the incredible pleasure I can bring him if he does an excellent job pleasing and serving me.  You have to dangle that carrot every now and then to keep him motivated.  For the other times, I use the technique just for fun erotic torture.  It is a nice quick way to bring him to the edge.  Enjoy!

-Mz Kaylee.

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Be a Queen / Put Him to Work For You!

In my last post I wrote about the importance of the wife taking into consideration the husband's needs, wants, and desires.  On the flip side are the needs, wants, and desires of the wife/woman in the relationship.  One of the biggest benefits of being the leader is that you get to do what you want and you should fully take advantage of that perk.  I have to confess that it is fabulous being the leader and I consider myself lucky to have a husband who desires to submit to me and to have me lead.

In most FLRs where the man is submissive, the power dynamic is not as intuitive as one would think.  It is a very interesting dynamic that in my opinion multiplies the benefits for both the woman and the man.  An outsider may view the behavior of a dominant wife as bitchy, bossy, or unfair, However, those who have been in the lifestyle understand that submissive men crave to be told what to do.  They want the wife to be strict and demanding. They want to be held accountable to high standards and to be disciplined and punished when warranted.  I regularly see posts from men who complain that their wife is not strict enough with them.  They want their wife to take a harder line with them.

This dominance and strictness was difficult for me to understand initially.  Early on I would ask my husband to do things for me and he would do them but he would often tell me that I don't need to ask and that I should just order him to do what I want.  It took awhile but it finally sunk in and when I wanted something I just ordered him to do it for me.  When I took this approach, I noticed a quicker reaction from him and a little more pep in his step.  Sometimes I would get very demanding, ordering several things from him at once or maybe even reprimanding him about something such as leaving his shoes laying around and ordering him to put them away.  In these situations I would notice his demeanor would instantly change to a submissive nature and he might even get a bit aroused or horny.  Often he would get into a mode where he just wanted to keep doing things for me and please me. The more strict and demanding I was, the more he enjoyed it and wanted to do more for me.  How great is that? So much better than being viewed as a nagging wife isn't it?  It is a fascinating and wonderful dynamic that once understood is very beneficial to the relationship.

For all my fellow leaders out there, my advice is to tap into this dynamic to its fullest.  Be demanding of your husband and hold him to a high standard.  Expect excellence and apply discipline or punishment if he is not meeting your standards.  Expect that your husband treat you like a Queen or Goddess.  If there are tasks or chores that you do not like to do, then you should not do them.  That is your right as the leader. I can not remember the last time I cleaned a bathroom, ironed clothes, or put gas in my car.  I have coffee served hot to me every morning and I get nightly foot rubs and massages.  If I am in the mood for sex, my husband comes running (or crawling).  If I am not in the mood, he leaves me alone. It is always on my terms and how and when I want it.  If I ask or order my husband to do something, he reacts immediately and without question.  These are the types of things you should expect and demand from your husband.

It would be remiss of me if I didn't talk about reasonableness when discussing this topic. You need to apply some reasonableness to what you demand of your husband,  It is probably not realistic to expect the husband to do all the chores.  This is just not reality for most people as there are not enough hours in the day for one person to work a full time job, handle family matters, and do all the household chores. If you overwork him he is just going to get stressed and then suddenly it becomes a problem for you.   However, as the leader, you have the lucky position of being able to assign which chores he does and so you can give him the ones  that you don't like the most. You should feel comfortable assigning him these chores and assigning most of the work to him.  Make him work hard for you and don't feel bad about it.  In fact, enjoy it.  Take pleasure from it and live like a Goddess.. It is all part of the deal of him being submissive to you and you taking the lead.  On the surface this sounds cruel, but it really is a win-win if done right (This is where my last post comes in. By intertwining his desire/fantasies with the chores and your demands it becomes a win for both of you).  You get what you want and get treated as a Goddess and he gets to live out his submissive fantasy and derives sexual pleasure from serving you.

To my female readers, I encourage you to take action after reading this.  Crack that whip and put your man to work for you. He is craving to serve you and be your workhorse.  You deserve to be treated like a Goddess or Queen.   I would love to hear back on what you did after reading this.

To the male readers -  Go out of your way to treat your leader as a Goddess/Queen. Don't wait to be told.  Anticipate her needs and desires and act on them.  Report back and post a comment on how you did this.  That's an order!
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-Mz Kaylee

Monday, November 21, 2016

FLR: Fantasy vs. Reality

Is a Female Led Relationship fantasy or reality?  When I first started reading about FLRs and things like orgasm control and punishments, I could not believe that couples actually did those activities as a real part of their life. To me it seemed like fantasy play or that people were exaggerating. It took quite a while before I realized and believed that is was an actual lifestyle that people lived.  Even when I first experimented with orgasm control and female authority with my husband, it was all fantasy for me.  It was a lot of fun but taking it seriously was hard to do or I guess awkward for me. However, the more we played the fantasy the more comfortable I became with controlling him and my expectations for him began to change.  I remember one day coming to the realization that our sex and foreplay had changed dramatically.  I was always taking the lead and our foreplay was much longer and intense.  I would do a lot of teasing of him but then the focus would turn to him pleasuring me. I was always in control of how he pleasured me.  In the beginning we would plan for a fantasy night but just a few months in it evolved to the point where we were naturally falling into the dominant/submissive roles during our intimate moments.

I enjoyed how our sex life had morphed and did not have an interest in going back to the old ways.  That's when it hit me that the fantasy of FLR was not so much fantasy any more.  Of course there is so much more to a FLR than taking control in the bedroom (which I was naive to at the time) but that was one of the defining moments that started me on the path toward a FLR.

FLR is very real. I can attest to that.  I take the lead in our marriage and Thomas willingly submits to me and obeys me. My authority over Thomas is real and if he does not obey or does not meet my expectations, there are consequences for him.  Just read my past posts on this blog and you can see how real it is. It did not happen overnight, but overtime our lifestyle morphed into a FLR.

However, even after all the years of incorporating the FLR lifestyle into my marriage, there is still a lot of fantasy involved. In my opinion, incorporating fantasy play into your relationship keeps spice in the relationship, brings you closer together, helps to reinforce your control over him, and solidifies his own submissiveness.  In our marriage the lines are blurred between fantasy and reality which makes for a lot of fun.  One the best compliments I received from my husband was that he felt as if he was living in a fantasy every day and he loved every moment of it. That was very reassuring to me that I was doing the right things in how I run our FLR.

It is very important to understand that for a FLR to be successful, the Female needs to indulge in the desires and needs of her husband. I cringe when I read advice which indicates that the man's needs or desire do not matter or that the man should be 100% focused on the woman and not care about himself.  This type of thinking makes for great femdom fantasy. In fact, I have used those words with my husband and it drives him wild. However, it just fantasy play.  You can not have a long-term sustainable relationship without taking into consideration his needs and desires. If you ignore this, at some point he will crash and burn and you may find your relationship suddenly in shambles.

If you love your husband, than you most certainly want to make sure his basic needs are met.  I advise to go even a step further and pay attention to his desires. By indulging in his desires, you create loyalty with him and he will be motivated to serve and obey you even more.  There are nights where I slip into a black latex dress and do the whole dominatrix thing with him.  Some nights I will tease his cock over and over again, making him beg for release and then just go to bed. He loves this undivided attention from me.  Denying his orgasm after all the teasing is torturous for him, but he also loves the torture and experiencing my absolute control over him where he wants something so bad but is not allowed to have it. Other times I will turn up my control over him during the week, being more strict with him, ordering him to do extra errands or chores for me, and making him wear items under his clothes such as a cock ring, butt plug, or panties.  These are all things that he loves because they surface deep submissive feelings in him, which gives him an erotic high.

Those things are more fantasy play  Although it is all fun for me, I am doing it more because I know he loves it.  Now let's be clear here, my purpose is not solely to please him.  After all, he is the one who has to please me, Th balance of power in the relationship is titled much more in my favor.  There is an ulterior motive to what I am doing.  If you play into your husband/partner's fantasies and desires, you are making him want you even more.  Anytime I have a session focused on his desires or fantasies, he is always extra thankful afterward and his attention on pleasing and serving me becomes much more focused afterward.  That is the result I am hoping to achieve by catering to his fantasies every now and then.

What I have discovered with guys is that when they have a mind blowing experience it sticks in their mind forever and they often relive it over and over again in their minds. This is the daydream.  What is great about the daydream is that each time they daydream about the experience, it excites and arouses them and they relive the emotions.  Think about that.  If you provide a mind blowing experience with your man, he is going to be thinking about it and you over and over again.  This builds loyalty and devotion to you.  How great is that?  Grown men can recall these type of memorable moments with girls from their teen years.  I was just trading e-mails about this with Jess B. who often posts comments on my blog. We were talking about things our men confessed to us on this topic. What was fascinating to us is that in many of these 'hot' memorable moments, the girl is completely unaware of the effect she had on him.  It could be something she said or joked about, a way she looked at him or simply an outfit she was wearing that gave him a naughty glimpse of her body.  How powerful is that when a man in his 30s, 40s, or 50s can remember the image and emotion of something that occurred when he was as young as 13 or 14? If only I knew that now....the possibilities!  Guys, help me validate this.  Tell me about some of these memorable moments with your wife as well as from your teen years.

My point to all this, is that playing into his desires is a powerful tool for keeping him loyal, dedicated, devoted, and obedient to you.  If you can give him moments that blow his mind and leave him breathless from the excitement, he will be excited to be with you and he is going to want and desire to obey you to keep you happy and hope for more mind blowing experiences.  Let me be clear that I am not saying you should go out of your way every day to do this. That is an extreme and would defeat the dominant dynamic of the FLR.  He should be spending much more time doing things to please you. You have to find the right balance that works for you. I'd say anywhere from once a month to once every two to three months is probably a good balance for most people to create the mind blowing fantasy experience.  You also have to make sure it is in your terms and when you want to do it. You are the one in control, not him and so it is ok to tell him 'no', 'maybe', or you'll have to wait when he is begging about a fantasy.  He should never expect to get what he wants. The fantasy moments are a privilege for him and not a right.

I also want to emphasize the importance of 'spice' in the relationship.  The FLR itself has added a tremendous amount of spice and excitement in my marriage.  It is one of the great things about a FLR.  However, overtime even a FLR can suffer from the hum-drum boredom factor that many couples face in a traditional relationship. Once a couple has routines and expectations established, it is easy for the wife to get caught-up in everyday life and not set aside time for the fun play. I often see this on forums that have a lot of people who are mature in their FLR relationship.  Whenever a new person posts something a bit kinky many of them will discount it or even rebuke the post. When I see these posts, it's almost predicable what the response will be from the long timers.  The long timers are just trying to help but I think people forget what it was like when they first started in a FLR. It really is a shame because the responses often intimidate the person posting.  I also see submissive men who post that they do not need the kink.  O.k.....they don't need it but I am sure if they had it, they would not be turning it away.  In fact, I am pretty sure they wold love it.  These men, unfortunately are just making the best of their situation.  It's like a caterpillar being happy with its life, not knowing that if they turn into a butterfly it will be so much more thrilling.  I'm rambling.  Hopefully I am making sense here to some of you,

Can getting up in everyday life is easy to do. It happens to me quite often. Let's face it - it is nice being served and pampered.  Everyday I have coffee made for me, my clothes are ironed, chores are done, and I get regular massages.  When I tell Thomas to do something, he immediately responds. It is a great lifestyle but I have to make sure I invest some time and energy into him to keep him motivated.  It's like a rechargeable battery.  Every so often the energy-level drops and you have to re-charge for a day and then it lasts for weeks or months, depending on how much energy you are consuming from it.  The more energy you consume, the more frequent you have to recharge.

To sum it all up, I believe the FLR is a mix of fantasy and reality.  By weaving fantasy into the everyday life, it adds spice and fun to the relationship, while also deepening his submissiveness and creating loyalty and devotion to you.  In the end it brings you closer together as couple.  I encourage you all to strive for a relationship where the lines of fantasy and reality blur together.  Life is too short to not have some fun.


Friday, September 16, 2016

Loving Female Authority

The first time I heard the phrase "Loving Female Authority" it resonated with me in a big way.  It is a fantastic way to approach a Female Led Relationship. Loving Female Authority is a clear separation from a common view that a FLR involves an evil and bitchy dominatrix. In a female led marriage, it is crucial that the relationship is filled with love. The wife still exerts dominance and authority but at the core of the relationship is love and caring.

There are women who dominate men with a different perspective than Loving Female Authority.  These women exert control and dominance over men out of hatred for them or because they believe they are superior to men.  They use harsh corporal punishment and treat men like animals.  Many focus on humiliating men and turning men into thoughtless slaves who do nothing but obey.  Believe it or not, these type of women appeal to men.  They appeal to men because they play into the male's fantasy of being dominated.  Being treated as inferior or as an animal or being with no rights is a thrill to many submissive men.  This type of treatment is a fantasy for many men and I have no issue with it when it is done in a safe and consensual manner as part of fun kinky play. However, this type of treatment should not be at the core of the relationship.  Otherwise, the relationship is unfulfilling and can be damaging to the male over time. No good can come from constantly breaking down a man emotionally or beating him harshly.  If you truly love your husband, why would you want to continually hurt and humiliate him? Sadly, many men are lured in by these women because of the appeal to their submissive nature. They are often taken advantage of or find themselves caught in a relationship that is unfulfilling and abusive and by the time they figure out they are being abused it is difficult for them to get out of the relationship.

Unfortunately because this "harsh" type of dominance exists there are mixed messages when you research FLR.  For someone new it can become difficult and intimidating to understand FLR.  My sense is that many women are turned off by FLR because of all the fantasy fodder that exists and the notion that FLR is cruel and evil.  I am here to say that a FLR, when done right, is not evil or filled with hatred and abuse. Again I want to emphasize that fantasy and role playing is fine.  In fact I encourage it because it adds fun and spice to the relationship and is a great way to reward and motivate your husband.  If you truly love your husband and care for him, then it should not be difficult for you to separate the fantasy from the everyday meaningful authority.  A loving FLR is a wonderful thing and brings the couple closer together and forms an even stronger bond between husband and wife.  I know this from my own experience as well as the experiences from many others who have written about this bond.  I have heard from both men and woman and have read many experiences of couples who have all indicated that after their FLR was in place they felt closer as a couple and had a stronger love for each other.

A FLR should be positive and filled with love and caring.  One of the biggest misconceptions of FLR is that a FLR is one-sided; the wife rules without consideration for the husband's needs or desires. This notion is far from true.  In a FLR, the female is a leader, not a dictator or tyrant.  For the relationship to be healthy she absolutely must consider his needs and desires. I will try to explain the difference with an example: like many men, my husband enjoys watching sports and he will regularly meet up with friends to watch games (I'd say this is a pretty common scenario so it makes for a good example).  In the dictator style of femdom, the wife is only concerned about herself and therefore cuts him off completely from watching sports. The husband is forced to submit whether he likes it or not. His opinion does not matter.  My approach in a loving FLR is that I allow my husband to go out with the guys and watch sports but he understands that it is not a right and must seek approval from me each time. He understands that there are times where he will need to skip a night of watching sports because of more important things that need to be done.  Most of the time I give my approval of these activities but not always. I allow this because I recognize that having time for socialization is important to him.  If I took that away from him, I believe it would have a negative impact on him and our relationship.  Hopefully you can see that this approach allows the wife to make decisions that are in the best interest of the relationship while still maintaining her authority and control.

If you've read my past posts you know that I discipline my husband regularly, I also punish him, and in some instances I've exerted strict control over him.  This is where things can get a bit confusing. How does Loving Female Authority fit in to these situations? It is important to understand that my husband is submissive. He craves and needs this strict control.  He thrives in an environment where I am dominant.  A FLR only works if both parties buy-in to the arrangement. You can not force someone to be in a FLR and then expect it all to work out. There are many articles about women who force their men into submission.  This is pure fantasy and I find these articles humorous. The truth is that it is often the husband who is approaching the wife asking her to dominate him because of his submissive desires.  I'm not saying that a wife can not initiate the FLR. It just has to be done in a positive manner and should not be forced on to the husband.

When it comes to my discipline sessions in most instances, they are more focused on positive reinforcement rather than negative reinforcement.  Discipline is not a bad thing. I use it as a method to motivate Thomas to do better. Thomas even looks forward to our discipline sessions.  The spanking in most cases is playful and more symbolic of my authority over him versus being painful. On occasion it may sting when I want to emphasize a point or when I feel he is not meeting expectations but it is nothing he can't handle.  I have never left a mark on Thomas, just a little redness :) I do not believe in painful spankings or caning. To me this is abuse and can lead to anger and resentment.  If the husband is a masochist and enjoys this type of play then perhaps that is acceptable.  Some men crave or desire this type of spanking so there are exceptions like that where it may be acceptable.  However, a woman beating a man solely because she wants to punish him or prove her dominance over him is not OK.

Punishments are rare and are only issued when warranted. If punishments are regular occurrences in your relationship then you need to re-examine what you are doing and figure out why he is being disobedient so often or if you are punishing for the wrong reasons.  When I issue a punishment it is no surprise to Thomas.  He knows he has been bad and accepts the punishment.  It is important to incorporate punishment into the relationship as this holds the submissive accountable and reinforces the wife's dominance and authority over the husband.  When a husband yields to his wife and accepts her punishment it is proof of his true submissiveness towards her. Thomas has confessed to me that he is glad that I punish him, not because he enjoys the punishment (he does not) but because he wants to be held accountable for his actions and it brings reality that he is submissive to me.  Thomas once told me that my authority over him became very real to him after the first time I punished him. To him, it was a turning point in the relationship where he knew it was not just fantasy and that he was no longer an equal in the marriage.  He was excited about that realization.

There are also many situations where I humiliate Thomas.  I will tease him about wearing panties.  I will order him to lick my ass and tell him that is all he is worth.  These situations are more playful than real.  Again, I am appealing to his fantasies.  He likes a good 'mind fuck' and honestly I have fun doing it to him. There are nights where I just blow his mind and push him into deep submission. These are usually the same nights that I get a little 'high' from being dominant.  On the surface, if I were to describe these nights (and sometimes I do in the blog), they could easily come across as cruel if one does not realize that my dominance is done with love and caring and it is what Thomas craves. The reality is that these are very intimate moments for us. These moments require vulnerability and trust between us. We connect on a deep level.  These moments of trust and vulnerability are part of the fabric that strengthens the relationship and brings us closer together.  I find this hard to explain to people who have never experienced such a situation. Hopefully this is making sense to you.

I felt the need to write this post because on my blog I share personal examples of my dominance and authority that border on the realm of fantasy and appeal to Thomas's submissive nature.  It is important to understand that love and caring is woven into all these situations.