Friday, September 16, 2016

Loving Female Authority

The first time I heard the phrase "Loving Female Authority" it resonated with me in a big way.  It is a fantastic way to approach a Female Led Relationship. Loving Female Authority is a clear separation from a common view that a FLR involves an evil and bitchy dominatrix. In a female led marriage, it is crucial that the relationship is filled with love. The wife still exerts dominance and authority but at the core of the relationship is love and caring.

There are women who dominate men with a different perspective than Loving Female Authority.  These women exert control and dominance over men out of hatred for them or because they believe they are superior to men.  They use harsh corporal punishment and treat men like animals.  Many focus on humiliating men and turning men into thoughtless slaves who do nothing but obey.  Believe it or not, these type of women appeal to men.  They appeal to men because they play into the male's fantasy of being dominated.  Being treated as inferior or as an animal or being with no rights is a thrill to many submissive men.  This type of treatment is a fantasy for many men and I have no issue with it when it is done in a safe and consensual manner as part of fun kinky play. However, this type of treatment should not be at the core of the relationship.  Otherwise, the relationship is unfulfilling and can be damaging to the male over time. No good can come from constantly breaking down a man emotionally or beating him harshly.  If you truly love your husband, why would you want to continually hurt and humiliate him? Sadly, many men are lured in by these women because of the appeal to their submissive nature. They are often taken advantage of or find themselves caught in a relationship that is unfulfilling and abusive and by the time they figure out they are being abused it is difficult for them to get out of the relationship.

Unfortunately because this "harsh" type of dominance exists there are mixed messages when you research FLR.  For someone new it can become difficult and intimidating to understand FLR.  My sense is that many women are turned off by FLR because of all the fantasy fodder that exists and the notion that FLR is cruel and evil.  I am here to say that a FLR, when done right, is not evil or filled with hatred and abuse. Again I want to emphasize that fantasy and role playing is fine.  In fact I encourage it because it adds fun and spice to the relationship and is a great way to reward and motivate your husband.  If you truly love your husband and care for him, then it should not be difficult for you to separate the fantasy from the everyday meaningful authority.  A loving FLR is a wonderful thing and brings the couple closer together and forms an even stronger bond between husband and wife.  I know this from my own experience as well as the experiences from many others who have written about this bond.  I have heard from both men and woman and have read many experiences of couples who have all indicated that after their FLR was in place they felt closer as a couple and had a stronger love for each other.

A FLR should be positive and filled with love and caring.  One of the biggest misconceptions of FLR is that a FLR is one-sided; the wife rules without consideration for the husband's needs or desires. This notion is far from true.  In a FLR, the female is a leader, not a dictator or tyrant.  For the relationship to be healthy she absolutely must consider his needs and desires. I will try to explain the difference with an example: like many men, my husband enjoys watching sports and he will regularly meet up with friends to watch games (I'd say this is a pretty common scenario so it makes for a good example).  In the dictator style of femdom, the wife is only concerned about herself and therefore cuts him off completely from watching sports. The husband is forced to submit whether he likes it or not. His opinion does not matter.  My approach in a loving FLR is that I allow my husband to go out with the guys and watch sports but he understands that it is not a right and must seek approval from me each time. He understands that there are times where he will need to skip a night of watching sports because of more important things that need to be done.  Most of the time I give my approval of these activities but not always. I allow this because I recognize that having time for socialization is important to him.  If I took that away from him, I believe it would have a negative impact on him and our relationship.  Hopefully you can see that this approach allows the wife to make decisions that are in the best interest of the relationship while still maintaining her authority and control.

If you've read my past posts you know that I discipline my husband regularly, I also punish him, and in some instances I've exerted strict control over him.  This is where things can get a bit confusing. How does Loving Female Authority fit in to these situations? It is important to understand that my husband is submissive. He craves and needs this strict control.  He thrives in an environment where I am dominant.  A FLR only works if both parties buy-in to the arrangement. You can not force someone to be in a FLR and then expect it all to work out. There are many articles about women who force their men into submission.  This is pure fantasy and I find these articles humorous. The truth is that it is often the husband who is approaching the wife asking her to dominate him because of his submissive desires.  I'm not saying that a wife can not initiate the FLR. It just has to be done in a positive manner and should not be forced on to the husband.

When it comes to my discipline sessions in most instances, they are more focused on positive reinforcement rather than negative reinforcement.  Discipline is not a bad thing. I use it as a method to motivate Thomas to do better. Thomas even looks forward to our discipline sessions.  The spanking in most cases is playful and more symbolic of my authority over him versus being painful. On occasion it may sting when I want to emphasize a point or when I feel he is not meeting expectations but it is nothing he can't handle.  I have never left a mark on Thomas, just a little redness :) I do not believe in painful spankings or caning. To me this is abuse and can lead to anger and resentment.  If the husband is a masochist and enjoys this type of play then perhaps that is acceptable.  Some men crave or desire this type of spanking so there are exceptions like that where it may be acceptable.  However, a woman beating a man solely because she wants to punish him or prove her dominance over him is not OK.

Punishments are rare and are only issued when warranted. If punishments are regular occurrences in your relationship then you need to re-examine what you are doing and figure out why he is being disobedient so often or if you are punishing for the wrong reasons.  When I issue a punishment it is no surprise to Thomas.  He knows he has been bad and accepts the punishment.  It is important to incorporate punishment into the relationship as this holds the submissive accountable and reinforces the wife's dominance and authority over the husband.  When a husband yields to his wife and accepts her punishment it is proof of his true submissiveness towards her. Thomas has confessed to me that he is glad that I punish him, not because he enjoys the punishment (he does not) but because he wants to be held accountable for his actions and it brings reality that he is submissive to me.  Thomas once told me that my authority over him became very real to him after the first time I punished him. To him, it was a turning point in the relationship where he knew it was not just fantasy and that he was no longer an equal in the marriage.  He was excited about that realization.

There are also many situations where I humiliate Thomas.  I will tease him about wearing panties.  I will order him to lick my ass and tell him that is all he is worth.  These situations are more playful than real.  Again, I am appealing to his fantasies.  He likes a good 'mind fuck' and honestly I have fun doing it to him. There are nights where I just blow his mind and push him into deep submission. These are usually the same nights that I get a little 'high' from being dominant.  On the surface, if I were to describe these nights (and sometimes I do in the blog), they could easily come across as cruel if one does not realize that my dominance is done with love and caring and it is what Thomas craves. The reality is that these are very intimate moments for us. These moments require vulnerability and trust between us. We connect on a deep level.  These moments of trust and vulnerability are part of the fabric that strengthens the relationship and brings us closer together.  I find this hard to explain to people who have never experienced such a situation. Hopefully this is making sense to you.

I felt the need to write this post because on my blog I share personal examples of my dominance and authority that border on the realm of fantasy and appeal to Thomas's submissive nature.  It is important to understand that love and caring is woven into all these situations.


Friday, August 26, 2016

Slave Weekends

In my last post, I discussed Goddess Weekends and introduced the concept of Slave Weekends.  In 
this post I will talk about Slave weekends and then sum it all up.  Enjoy!

Slave Weekends
Slave weekends have a much different tone than Goddess weekends.  The focus is more on him and 
not me.  He is still serving me and doing what I want, but the focus is on his submission and 
obedience to me and my control and authority over him.   I like to think of it as slave boot camp.  My tone and demeanor for the weekend is strict, commanding and authoritarian.  I don't ask him to do 
things, I tell him to do them.  During slave weekends we get a little kinky and cross over into the 
fantasy/role playing world a bit.  Much of what I reinforce with him is real but some of it is fantasy 
and mind games.  

Slave weekends are good for training.  If he is not doing chores properly or behaving in a manner that is meeting my expectations, I can spend time addressing those issues during the weekend. For 
example, once I was not satisfied with how he was putting my clothes away. He was very messy in 
how he folded them or hung them on hangers.  To correct this, I emptied out all my drawers and made him neatly fold and put everything away.  He was naked and I had a paddle in my hand to give him a spank every now and then when he was not neat enough.  I then had him empty his own drawers and refold everything.   This was all done in a strict but playful manner.   Another time I put a collar and 
leash on him.  I walked him around the house like a pet and did a house inspection with him.  I had 
his leash in one hand and a riding crop in the other.  If I liked how things looked, he got a nice pat 
and playful rub.  He received a swat or two for each thing that was out of place in the house and for 
areas that were not properly cleaned.  Let’s just say his ass was a little red by the time we were done.  His cock was hard too so I know he loved it.

On slave weekends, I will purposely be extra strict and demanding.  I will refer to him as slave, 
property, or my toy.  I may tease him about how he gets excited to wear panties and call him a girl, 
princess or slut.   This is all part of the fantasy and is done playfully.  Sometimes he is not allowed to speak all weekend unless I give him permission.  Once I took away his wallet, phone, and keys for 
the weekend so he could get the full effect of being my slave.  For dinner, I might have him kneel 
next to me while I eat and make him eat off a plate on the floor or we could go out for dinner with 
him wearing a butt plug and me doing all the ordering and paying for the check.  Again, this is a lot 
of fantasy play and done for the thrill.  

On slave weekends I will spend a lot of time playing with his cock and bringing him to the edge of 
orgasm.  I want to drive him crazy and turn his mind to mush because that brings out the submissive 
slave in him and sends him into subspace, where I can have lots of fun with him.  It is hypnotic when I stroke his cock and talk to him.  I like to whisper to him how excited I am that he is my slave and is obedient to me.  I love to paint a mental picture for him of his fate....that he will always be my slave 
or toy, or whatever I want him to be.  I will remind him that he will never ever orgasm again without my permission.  I may tease about things that could happen in the future such as never having an 
orgasm again or putting him in chastity or making him stay home 24/7 to be my servant.  This type of talk always drives him wild and pushes him into a deeper submissive state of mind.

I may have him do the body worship routine that I described for the Goddess Weekend but something else that is more fitting for slave weekend is a body inspection.  Instead of him worshiping me, I am 
inspecting him. Being inspected is a thrill for many submissive men.   I will have him stand naked.  
Often time I will even make him remove his wedding ring so that he is completely bare.  Then I 
inspect him like a piece of property.  This is where the fantasy play comes in.  I slowly circle him and trace my hands over his body.  My inspections are positive and not negative.  I will comment on how sexy his body parts are and order him to keep working out at the gym.  I may kiss his body or order 
him to bend over.  I will tell him that he is my property and I own him (he loves those words). I may kick his feet apart to make him stand wider.  I may have him hold his arms out to the side and when 
he starts to waver, order him to keep them up and straight. I will tell him to keep his eyes down and 
then later I will order him to stare straight ahead.  The point to all this is to create the dynamic that I 
am in control of him and he is to obey my every command without question and without hesitation.

I will inspect his balls to ensure they are bare and smooth for me.  If I am not satisfied he will get a 
little swat and be ordered to shave that night. I will tease his cock.  Sometimes I may squeeze out a 
bit of cum onto my fingers and make him lick or suck it off my fingers.  He will get a “good boy” for that.  The first time I read about feeding a man his own cum, I thought it was disgusting.  However, 
one time the mood struck me and I just did it. He was a bit surprised but did not resist. In fact, he 
seemed to get more aroused from it. It was a bit surreal for me and in the heat of the moment it was 
very exciting for me.  It’s hard to explain but I got real turned on from having him lick his own cum 
from my fingers.  It happens quite often now.  I’ve even spoon fed him before.  Very sexy!  
Something that I have discovered through all my reading is that many men actually fantasize about 
being forced to eat their own cum.  Who would have thought that?

During the inspection, I may put a collar on him.  It is fun and powerful to collar your man.  I will 
read the tag on the collar which says “Property of Kaylee.” Ankle and wrist cuffs could be added as 
well. I may make him step into a pair of panties or put a cock ring on him.  There are so many things that can be done.  You could inspect inside his ass with your fingers or a probe, cover his head with a hood (this makes him more like an object), or slip on gloves for the inspection.  You could trace a 
riding crop all over his body and give little slaps here and there.  I like to pinch his nipples hard and 
pull on them.  It feels powerful for me but also gives him a nice burst of pleasure.  Nipple clamps 
could also be used.

As I noted earlier, I like to have him naked for inspections.  However, one of our most memorable 
moments was when I had him dress femme for the inspection.  He put on panties, stockings, garter 
belt, and a bra. It’s very rare that I make his dress up like this (usually I just have him in panties) so 
he was already horned up just from getting ready.  When I inspected him in this state my comments 
were about how sexy his lingerie was.  I commented on how pretty, feminine, and sexy each item was as I traced my hand over the delicate fabrics.  Then I commented on how sexy and pretty he looked in the items…how sexy his legs were in stockings. I teased that if his legs were shaved, he would easily pass as a girl.  Then I hinted that maybe we would have to try that some time.  I probably would 
never make him shave his legs but it is fun to put that thought out there and let it linger in his mind as a possibility.  I did the same teasing about his cock, at how unsightly the bulge is with panties and 
that we would have to take care of that one day, maybe with a chastity device.  His cock was drippy 
so of course I had to wipe it up with my finger and bring it to his lips.  This time he got a “good girl” when he sucked on my finger.  I could not resist doing it a few more times and ordering ‘her’ to lick 
up the cum.

I also commented on how he dressed.  I pulled his panties up and told him that girls wear their panties nice and snug.  I did the same with his stockings and told him that he needed to make sure the seams were straight and the tops of the stockings were even.  I adjusted the garter straps, straightened his 
bra, all while making comments on the proper way for girls to dress.  When everything was straight 
and in order, I told him that’s how a princess should look and in the future I expected him to make 
sure he dressed properly for me.   All during the process, I used terms like princess, pretty, feminine, girl, soft, and sexy. This whole process really did a number on him. He was totally lost in subspace.  He dropped into a quiet, shy and passive mode.  It’s hard to describe but it was a real turn on for both of us.   This was all fantasy fun.  I have no desire to fully feminize Thomas.  It is just fun to role play it once in a while.

Sex during slave weekend is mostly him doing oral on me.  He is way too horned up for me to try 
regular sex. I’d have to stop every few seconds to keep him from cumming. Lol! I tend to be a little 
more aggressive with sex on these weekends.  I may order him to do certain things or physically force his head or hands towards my sexual areas.  I will queen him or have him kneel between my legs and squeeze my thighs around his head.     If I get in real dominant mode, I may push him away forcefully and then order him back between my legs.  Such fun!

Slave weekends are good time to try new kinky things. With all the fun, our inhibitions tend to run a bit freer than usual and so it becomes easier to explore new things and maybe even push limits a bit.  Thomas absolutely loves these weekends because they play right into his submissive fantasies.  I plan the slave weekend and whenever I announce one, his eyes light up with excitement. He is like a little kid.  Sometimes I announce them well in advance just to get him riled up and thinking about it for 
several weeks.  Slave weekends tend to overlap into the week.  It’s almost like we get a little high on 
it and we need a few days to slowly come down.   During the week after I will be a little more 
dominant than typical and Thomas will still be in a deeper submissive state. It is a nice side effect.

We plan Goddess and Slave weekends several times throughout the year. For those of you who are 
younger and have no kids, you may not need to do this because you have the time to spend together.  However, a common problem with couples when they get older and busier with life, is that they 
spend less quality time together. Planning these types of weekends helps keep the relationship fresh, 
exciting, and fun.  From the FLR perspective it helps reset and re-energize the FLR dynamic. Some 
of our best and most memorable moments are from Goddess and Slave weekends. 

I hope this gives you ideas that you can use in your own relationship. I would love to hear if others 
do similar things.

-Mz Kaylee

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Goddess and Slave Weekends

It's been a busy few months for me.  What’s good  is that it is fun things like vacation, weekend
activities with friends and family, and running the kids to different activities.  Being out of the house
is great, but it does interrupt the normal routines.  One of them for me is writing this blog, which I am trying to get back into.  Another interruption is the intimate times with my husband. We have been
having lots of fun together but there has not been as much quiet and intimate time together and I miss that.  Something that we do in our relationship to help ensure that we spend quality time together and not get caught up in the every day life, is to plan Goddess weekends and Slave weekends.  I guess
you could say these are similar to planning date nights (we do that too) but these weekends are much more....intense than a date night.  I will elaborate below.

Goddess Weekends
The focus of these weekends is me because, yes, I am a Goddess.:)   On these weekends my
husband's sole purpose is to pamper me and treat me like a Goddess.  His mind set is of worshiping
me as a Goddess and my mindset is that of a Goddess or Princess who expects to be worshiped,
pampered, and served.  It is quite easy for me to slip into that mind set.:) Examples of things that he will do on Goddess weekends include buying me flowers, giving me a bath, shaving my legs, taking me to get my nails done, massages, brushing my hair, and running errands for me or with me. I've
thought about having him paint my nails or even doing some of my makeup but have not ventured
there yet.  I am not sure if I trust him with that.

Breakfast in bed is another favorite of mine.   In the evening we will usually go out to dinner together or plan some other fun activity with just the two of us. He is basically catering to my every whim (It
is so wonderful!).   On Goddess weekends, I do not spend much time at all teasing him unless I am in the mood.  An orgasm for him is not even a thought, although on a rare occasion it might happen.
However, he will spend a lot of time pleasuring me and giving me orgasms.

Something fun that I have him do every once in awhile is a body worship ritual.  He will be naked or in panties.  I dress in a short night gown or comfortable lingerie. He will start kneeling at my feet and I will order him to worship my foot.  He will kiss it and say "I love you," kiss it again and say "I
worship you," kiss it again and say "I obey you."  Then I will point to the other foot and he will
repeat this ritual.  I will have him do this all over my body.  I will adjust my night gown as needed to give him access to my body.  I may end up naked but I do find it fun and sexy to uncover and
recover my body parts with the night gown as he worships me.   He will kiss and repeat the words for the front and back of my legs, thighs, pussy, back, shoulders, ass cheeks, in between my ass cheeks,
and neck.  It’s also fun to make him worship my armpits.   About half way through I will change the words and make him say in between kisses "Your are my Goddess," "I am your slave," "I obey you."  It is a lot of fun when you get into it.  I will make sure he is hard the whole time, which does not take much encouragement at all.  If his cock/balls are within reach, I may hold them firmly while he
performs his worship and I will reaffirm his worship by saying things like "yes," "that's right," or
"good boy."  I may make him worship my ass several times, telling him how I know a slave like him
loves worshiping my Goddess ass.  I may order him to lick at times instead of kiss. We could easily
spend a 1/2 hour on this body ritual.  It is a lot of fun for both of us.

Goddess weekends are planned in advance.  Ideally it is a weekend where we have nothing else
planned.  However, with our busy schedules ,that may not be possible and so there are many times
where we work it around activities and events (which sometimes can add an element of fun). Our
kids are older so we are lucky enough that we can leave them alone and go out for a few hours. I let
him do all the planning for the weekend. Being the leader in the relationship does not mean you have to plan everything.  This is a time where I can sit back and just enjoy.  I do require him to write up his plans for the weekend in advance for my review.  I like to review it at least a day in advance while he is massaging my feet or kneeling before me.  Then I can give him my input or changes.  He is good at planning so most of the time I accept what he submits.  If there is a specific errand I need done, I will write it in.  I will also give direction on what he is to wear for the weekend - usually panties that
match mine and I may require him to wear a cock ring.  I've also tied a pretty pink ribbon around the base of his cock to remind him of his obedience to me.  The plan is always subject to change by me.  As the weekend progresses I may decide  to do something different and he just goes with it.

Goddess weekends are fun for both of us.  One may think that I am the one who gets all the benefit. It certainly is wonderful to be treated like a Goddess or Princess.  It is one of the best perks of being the leader in the relationship. I will not argue that.  However, there is also a thrill in it for the husband.
The submissive man is excited to serve his wife this way. To server her and treat her like a Goddess,
and be viewed as her servant, is a huge thrill for most submissive men. Trust me, they will love it.  I
know Thomas looks forward to these weekends.  When you think about it, the Goddess weekend
plays into the natural dynamics of the relationship between men and women.  It is not much different than when a man is courting a woman.  He will treat her like a queen and do everything possible to
impress her and win her over.  This happens all the time during dating and early in a relationship. 
Unfortunately for most people, as the relationship continues, the need to impress goes away and there are no more flowers, and less and less spontaneous activities to keep the relationship fresh.  I find that Goddess weekends help bring back that excitement and fun that you experience during dating.

Slave weekends are much different than Goddess weekends.  There is a whole different focus and
tone. I will write about slave weekends in my next blog.

-Mz Kaylee

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Been Away and Annonymous Posting

I have been away for a few weeks and it has taken me awhile to get caught up with things at home and get back to posting.  I hope to have a new post up soon. I am glad to see there were comments and conversation on the posts while I was away. Sometimes, the best information comes from the discussion in the comments and not within the posts themselves. I appreciate the few people who nudged me to post more. I may need that every now and then.

I have a request for those posting comments - please end your comment with a name or initials.  I understand the reasons to post anonymous and have no issue with it.  The name you give does not have to be real so you can still be anonymous.  Having a name, helps with the continuity of the conversation.  It helps me understand if several comments are from the same person or is it all different people.  It also helps to understand if the person is male or female. By understanding these things, I can write more meaningful responses.


Monday, July 4, 2016

Petting The Dog

So I am going to have al little fun with this post.  I was corresponding with someone about how we love to tease our guys and how they love it to.  Through the discussion it occurred to me that teasing a man is a lot like petting a dog.  Think about a dog.  When you pet a dog, he is your best friend.  His tail wags, he sits by your side and is happy.  I swear my dog gets this look on his face like "oh yeah...that's good." There is nothing the dog cares about at that moment other than enjoying you petting him. Have you ever been to someone's house where you pet the dog and now the dog won't leave you alone.  He will sit by your side as long as you pet him and if you stop petting him, he will look at you like, "I want more," and nudge you with his nose.  If the dog knows you are someone that always pets him, he is going to come back for more and more.

Now translate that to teasing your man.  When I am stroking Thomas's cock he is still and focused on nothing but the pleasure I am giving him.  He could lay or stand by me all day while I stroke him. If I do a long steady tease with him, it actually relaxes him and is even hypnotic.  If he had a tail, it would be wagging.  He always wants more.  When I stop and tell him to put it away, he gets this look of disappointment. Often times he even begs me for more.  Such a cute doggie! Since I tease him almost daily, even if it is just for a minute or two, he is always on the lookout for a little tease.  Sometimes I can tell he is hanging around me in hopes to get a little rub.  If I do bite and give him a rub, he gets this wonderful look of satisfaction on his face.  Like that little joy you get when biting into a delicious piece of chocolate.

And just like a dog, Thomas is so obedient for me.  After a little rubbing, I could give him an order and he will follow.  "Sit," "roll-over." Ha!-Ha!! No, it's more like "Run to the store and pick up milk," or "My car needs to be washed." He will run off happily and obey.

-Mz Kaylee

Sunday, July 3, 2016

Hmmmm - How Big Is It (Written by Mary)

I am thrilled to have this post from a guest author, Mary.  It has always been my vision to have others contribute to this blog so that you as the readers get a great mix of topics and viewpoints.  Mary has stumbled across a fun "little thing" that hits a submissive chord within her husband.  It's great when you can uncover these things about your partner because it adds fun and excitement to the relationship.  Knowing how to push his submissive buttons also strengthens your authority over him and trust me..submissive men love to have these buttons pushed.  A big thanks to Mary for contributing. Enjoy...  

Hmmmm - How Big Is It
I have to confess - I feel I literally stumbled across the the topic of "penis size" as it relates to female dominant or female led marriages/relationships.  I am no expert and what I relate here is only my experience.  It may or may not relate to what others have run into.  I have not thought this all the way all.  I thought that I could write enough to provide stimulus for
the thoughts and wisdom of others. I hope I don't offend.
First let me say that my own interest in this "little issue" ultimately relates to connection.  For me that is my main interest in being in and exploring female led marriage.  My sense is that it can offer an incredibly deep and special connection that can sometimes wane in long term relations.  To me good relations include "vulnerability" and I expect this "little issue" certainly relates to that.

First an "intro" - I expect there is hardly a sole alive who has not considered the topic of "penis size" - some care more, some care less but I think it does run across most persons minds at some point.  Certainly the ladies but maybe even more so - guys, some who have confessed to me that they thought about it very early on in life.

Even before I began to explore a female led marriage more explicitly I was no doubt a bit of a tease and pretty dominant with guys - even before marriage.  That is just how I always was.  I sort of liked to "use my feminine power" I guess.  I think it was in this context I came across the issue of "small penis teasing".  In truth my husband is not the "most endowed fellow on the planet"  (just saying) and in my naturally flirty manner I guess I pointed this out - um, more than once.  

The first couple of times it was sort of "innocent" (well...sort of).  I recall one of the very first times seeing his penis and saying "Awwww, it's so sweet".  I think at the time it was more of a natural response and I was not fully realizing that a man would prefer to hear "Oh wow, honey, aren't you huge"!  I was having for me a natural response and the word "sweet" just came to mind and lips.  However I quickly noticed I got something of a "quiet response" - really a totally quiet and submissive sort of "non response".  Not until the second or third time did I really realize that he had a "reaction" and a very powerful one to being teased in this way.

I  bounced around the internet and found some things on the subject of "male endowment".  Some of it was silly and pornographic but a few other things were of interest.  I began to experiment more.  Some of this was not nearly as "pre-meditative" as it sounds - more just me being a bit, well teasing.  Once at a dinner my husband (then fiance) was "asserting" his opinion on something (it was what movie to see) a bit more than I would like.  I softly said to him in a sort of "teacher tone" -
"Are we forgetting how big we are not"?  He knew exactly what I was referring to and got a lovely "quiet" to him.  That time I clearly saw it.  I let it sink in a moment and then said "That's much better".  

I have found other ways to tease him on this.  I think it is a mixture of excitement (after all his wife is talking about his penis which he loves) but also a sort of anxious tension in that I am pointing out who (no he) is in charge.  It has increasingly become somewhat of a game for me.  I know he feels way vulnerable and very, very submissive when I bring this up.  He is submissive so I think in a sense he likes to feel these feelings.  The other day I fondled him somewhat out of the blue (something I do from time to time) and said "Oh, sweetheart, you feel especially small today".  I don't know what the trigger is but not much later he was virtually begging to be allowed to give me oral sex.  Maybe it is the submissive mans desire to please?  I wonder if when I indicate one "part" of him is not so manly his drive to be "of service" in other areas goes through the roof.  I don't understand it but my experience is real.

Recently I have been "on the hunt" for new ways to tease him around this.  Sometimes he tries to "play it off" like he does not notice it or does not have a reaction.  But the other day he (weakly) asked "You would not tell any of your girlfriends about it would you"?  I think he is torn - I think he is terrified of that but I also think there is some part of him that almost wants me to tell one of my girls!   I have even looked at actors on TV and wondered (out loud) "Honey how much bigger do you think he is than you......if you were just guessing"?
Now that I have found this "button" I am on the hunt for additional manners of teasing him.  I find it draws us close. I cannot explain that entirely.  I really cannot.  It seems to give him a sort of "freeze response".  All of a sudden he is "under me", quiet, submissive.  Though he can be dominant out in the World I truly do not believe it is how he naturally can be with me.  There is something in this endowment business that speaks to that.  Not sure was all super endowed and dominant but then our relationship would not be as it is if that were so!  

I'd love to hear thoughts on this.  Hoping I don't get judged too harshly.


Sunday, June 26, 2016

Tapping Into His Submissive Mind - Orgasm Control

As noted in my last post, I would like to share some ideas and techniques for tapping into the male submissive mind.  My hope is that both women who are starting out in a FLR and those who are well into a FLR find something useful in my writing and apply it in their relationship.  When starting out in a FLR there are so many options to consider and it is often challenging for the woman to make sense of everything and figure out what to do.  For women who start to figure it out and successfully move forward with a FLR, the challenge becomes keeping the FLR going strong and keeping him obedient and disciplined without having the work effort consume all your time.  It seems that there is a ton of blogs and articles on how to get started in a FLR but I don't see much writing on the maintaining the FLR or advanced FLR techniques.  I hope to fill that gap with my blog.

The starting point for this discussion was easy for me to figure out and probably no surprise to many of you.  The best place I thought to start this discussion was with orgasm denial or what I think is more appropriately termed for a FLR, orgasm control and management.  With orgasm control your are not just denying him orgasm; you are taking control of when and how he can orgasm.  For simplicity sake, I will refer to it as Orgasm Control (OC) in my writing. 

 OC is the obvious staring point for discussion because most couples in a FLR incorporate some form of OC in their relationship and it becomes a core component of the relationship. If you are familiar with OC, please bear with me while I bring others up to speed. OC is the concept of the wife taking control and ownership of the man's orgasm.  She determines when and how he orgasms.  He must have her permission to orgasm.  This means no masturbating for him unless she allows it. Typically the husband is regularly denied orgasm and given permission to orgasm on an infrequent basis.  The time frame between orgasms is up to her and varies greatly by couples.  For some people it is days, for others it is weeks, and some even go months without orgasm.  Usually what happens is in the beginning it is just days and then overtime as the couple experiments with it and the man builds up a tolerance, the time frame becomes longer.  With my husband, Thomas, I like to vary the time frame to keep him guessing.  He typically goes 6 - 8 weeks without an orgasm.  Some times it will be shorter and sometimes I will make him go even longer.

Orgasm denial is one of those concepts that seem bizarre or just does not make sense on the surface.  It is easy for a wife to feel confused if her husband proposes the idea.  A woman may even feel there is something wrong with her if her husband does not want to have an orgasm.  These are all natural feelings and that is why it is important for the husband to help his wife understand the reasoning for wanting to be denied. 

If it is being approached from the opposite direction in which the wife is wanting to enforce OC on her husband, it is an equally sensitive topic.  It usually requires the wife to take it slow and even seduce or slowly rationalize her husband into trying it.  Once he begins to experience it, he often becomes hooked and even addicted to OC.  There is a lot of information about this on the Internet so I will leave that up to you to research if  you want to know more on how to introduce your husband to OC.  What I would like to discuss is the dynamics behind OC and why it is a powerful tool in the FLR.

It is important to understand that OC is not just about denying him orgasms. If you took the extreme and just ignored your husband's sexual desires and did not allow him to orgasm, it accomplishes nothing.  In fact it would probably create resentment with him. It would be no different than a vanilla marriage in which there is no sex.  We all know this scenario usually ends with an affair.  This certainly is not the goal of OC.  OC involves taking active control and ownership of his orgasms.  You are still engaging in sexual play with him, but he is not permitted orgasm without your permission. Thomas is never....let me repeat, never allowed to have an orgasm without my permission.  He must always ask for permission before having an orgasm, even if we are in the heat of the moment. He has also been trained to not expect an orgasm.  He will ask, but he knows the answer will most likely be no so he must always be planning to restrain himself from orgasm.  If he has an accident, he will be held accountable and will be punished.  If I find out he masturbated, you better believe he will be punished and it will be a very unpleasant punishment.  He understands these consequences. 

There are two key benefits to OC.  The first is maintaining his sexual energy and interest in you.  It is well known that the minute a man has an orgasm, his sexual energy diminishes significantly, he becomes tired, and he loses interest in the woman.  The loss of interest and sexual energy can even last for days.  By limiting his orgasms, a woman can keep his sexual energy high on a regular basis.  If he is denied orgasm during sexual play, she can assure that her needs are completely attended to and even expect continued attention and pampering afterward.  It truly is wonderful.

The second major benefit is that it establishes the wife's authority over him and puts her at the center of his focus.  The woman becomes the gatekeeper for his orgasms.  Men are highly sexual creatures and are constantly wanting to orgasm. The only way to get an orgasm now is through the wife.  He knows that he must be on his best behavior and please her in order for her to ultimately give him permission to orgasm.  This forces all his energies to be focused on her.  Prior to OC he could turn to porn and masturbation for release but now he must focus on pleasing her to get release. 

Remember in my last post when I noted that men thing about sext several times an hour?  Well now when he thinks about sex, he is going to be thinking about how to please his wife in order to get release.  One of the most fascinating confessions from Thomas was about how his sexual daydreams changed as a result of my control over him and his orgasms.  Previously, when he daydreamed or thought about sext 2 - 3 times an hour, he would mostly fantasize about situations with other women (yes, men do this.  Do not take is personally.  It's just how their brains are wired). Once OC was in place his fantasies evolved around me and he began to day dream about different scenarios of me teasing him and different things I would "force" him to do in order to earn an orgasm.  Wow!  What a confession and what a significant change. He basically admitted that he was thinking about me all day.  I became the center of his focus and these daydreams fueled his desire to be obedient to me even more.  It was a confession I will never forget and one that helped build my confidence in being the dominant partner.

Establishing OC in a relationship is a HUGE step for the woman in creating real power and authority over her husband. At first it may seem like fantasy but over time the dynamic establishes real power and authority. Once you've established OC, you have tremendous leverage and power over him that can be used to influence and motivate him.The first week Thomas and I experimented with OC, we were like horny little teenagers.  I think I teased and denied him every night, while making him give me orgasms.  It was a ton of fun for both of us and it really drove him wild.  Let's just say I really enjoyed this new power and he loved all the attention he was getting from me.  I had no clue what I was getting into.  At that time for me, it was just kinky fun and fantasy play. However, once we started with OC, we always kept the rule in place that I was in charge of his orgasm. For Thomas this was a new reality and forced him to come to me when he was horny and I think I was surprised that he actually did it and stuck with it.  In a matter of weeks, I began to realize I had a real authority over him and that it was more than just fantasy.  Fast forward to today, and it is an integral and natural part of our lifestyle.  

While this may be a power move for the woman, when done right, it also becomes a fantasy come true for the man.  Yes, believe it or not, most men love OC.  It is a win-win scenario for the relationship.  For many submissive men, just the idea or thought of you owning their orgasm is a thrill because they love the power dynamic and the feeling of being controlled and owned.  To drive Thomas wild, all I have to do is spend a few minutes telling him how I own him, I own his orgasm, and I can decide whether or not he'll ever be allowed to orgasm again.  I don't even have to touch him.  This kind of talk will get him all horned up.  He is so weak. lol.  Now when you combine OC with sexual play and lost of teasing of his cock or even using it to exert control over your husband, that's what drive men wild.

I recommend teasing your man regularly and bringing him to the brink of orgasm often.  I try to bring Thomas to an erection daily and bring him to the brink of orgasm a few times a week.  Don't worry, it really is not hard work. When you are practicing OC, he is always horny and so getting him hard is as easy as walking up to him in the middle of the day and rubbing his crotch for a minute or two (or less!). The purpose of this is to ensure that his OC is pleasurable so that he stays interested in OC and also focused on you.  He now knows that not only do you control his orgasms, but you also provide him with pleasure.  You may even find that he tries to spend more time with you or near you in hopes of getting a little rub.  I've notice this with Thomas. It really is cute and I love it.  So now instead of turning to porn for pleasure, he is conditioned to come to you and try to please you in order to get pleasure.

Now here is the interesting things with men (most men). Their arousal just seems to build and build. With OC and continued teasing, they can be in a continuous state of arousal.  This means high energy and more focus on you. Thomas always tells me that he is perpetually aroused and he loves it.  I have read several accounts where men admitted that the longer they were denied, the weaker their will power became and the more they wanted to please their wife.  Through continued denial and teasing it is as if their mind slowly turns to mush.  Some men even admit that their thoughts become more perverted as their arousal builds over time.  That's when you get the, "Ill do anything you want" response.  Think of all the possibilities ladies???

I do notice with Thomas, that when he is highly aroused or has been denied for a long period of time, he becomes somewhat obsessed with submission and sexual thoughts.  That's usually when I get notes from him confessing his desire to serve me and be obedient to me and even wanting to worship me. This is clear proof of how powerful OC can be.  It drives a deep submissive state of mind for Thomas and a desire to obey me. 

Now with some men, long-term denial causes stress and anxiety.  It is important to monitor this and respond accordingly. If you notice this anxiety, then it probably is time to allow him to orgasm.  Not all men react positively to OC and some men can not handle long-term denial. You need to adapt to your situation.  When Thomas starts to get very annoying and needy, I know it is time to allow an orgasm.

One note of caution, is that even with OC, you should still allow for recovery time after an orgasm.  In fact your man may crash even harder after an orgasm if he has been denied orgasm for a long period of time.  This is just the natural biological response of the male body and you need to allow for it.  When Thomas has an orgasm, there is usually a day or two afterward in which I keep a bit of a distance from him to allow him to recoup and reenergize.  Of course, there is a solution for that to.  Ruined orgasms are a great way to avoid the post-orgasm crash but that is a topic for another day.....

I will end with one final thought.  The great thing about orgasm control for the man is that even though he is being denied orgasms, the sexual attention and activity from his wife is much higher than before OC.  With OC, men experience the intense thrill of teasing and arousal and this becomes more exciting than the orgasm itself.  I would say the man under OC has a much better sex life and is happier than the man who is not under OC.