Saturday, February 1, 2020

Shifting the Submissive Male's Focus

I was pleased to see all the comments in the last post. I am very intrigued by the "Parking" concept and it seems like many women employ this technique in some way. If you have experience with being put away or caged, I would love to hear about it. Please share your experience in the comments section of the last post titled "Parking Your Husband."  On a different note....below are some thoughts around shifting submissive men from being self-gratifying to serving their wife or partner.  Enjoy!

Most, if not all guys are driven into the female dominate world through their desires and fantasies to be sexually dominated by a female. It’s probably somewhere along the lines of the usual  pornography of a dominatrix or a woman spanking, abusing, and tying up men. Guys penises react very well to that type of imagery and so masses of men find themselves transfixed to their computer or phone screen week after week seeking sexual gratification.  Those of us who are in the lifestyle understand that the female dominance is much broader than sex.  When you fully embrace female dominance as a whole lifestyle and integrate it into your marriage or relationship, it is a life changer and becomes purposeful, fulfilling, and exciting for the couple.

In the Wife Led Marriage (WLM) or Female Led Relationship (FLR), it is about the female accepting complete authority and control over the male and the male willfully yielding to the female and accepting his place beneath her in the relationship. Most men start out in femdom with the sole purpose of pleasing themselves. The problem with this attitude is that the pleasure is short-lived and it is not an approach that is conducive to developing a meaningful relationship. No woman is going to want to be in a long-term relationship where all she is doing is dominating the guy just because that is what he wants. For some reason, guys tend to think that their wife will “get off” on dominating them just as much as they (men) “get off” on being dominated. For some women, this is true but for many women it is not true, especially if it is on his terms.  For example, putting Thomas in panties is not very arousing to me but it is a huge turn-on for him. For the WLM/FLR to succeed, there has to be something in it for the woman.

Deep fulfillment and pleasure comes when the male learns to shift his focus from himself to pleasing the woman. The submissive male derives pleasure from serving and pleasing the female.  Interesting enough, I think many submissive guys do not understand that about themselves because their sexual pleasure gets in the way and becomes their sole focus. Their short-term pleasure blinds them to what can bring them happiness. It is often up to women to guide and train men to change their attitude to be focused on pleasing and serving women.

When a man yields completely to a woman, gives her full authority over him, and focuses his life on doing his best to please and obey her, he will experience true submission. The pleasure and satisfaction that comes with submission is far greater than the quick fix of being spanked, abused, etc. Not only is this rewarding for the guy, it also engages and encourages the woman to dominate the guy. The domination becomes more purposeful and exciting for her.

I want to be clear that I am not discounting the importance of the man’s desire and need to be sexually dominated. Sexual dominance is a key motivator for the male and it is critical that women tap into this desire in order to keep the male motivated and focused on serving and pleasing her. What I am advocating is that for a WLM/FLR to be successful and for the male to find true fulfillment in the relationship, he must shift his focus away from purely seeking sexual gratification to a focus of serving and pleasing his partner.


-Mz Kaylee

Sunday, January 26, 2020

Parking Your Husband

I came across this post on “Parking Your Husband”:

I encourage you to read it in full.  To summarize, the post is written by a dominant wife who  needed a short break from having to be in charge of her husband so she “parked” him. She did this by tying him up and gagging him in a comfortable position and leaving him there for a period of time.
I love the concept! I don’t think you guys realize how much work goes into being in charge and how needy you can be. I do absolutely love all the work, chores, and pampering that my husband does for me but sometimes it is nice to have alone quiet time. I may have to park my husband the next time he starts getting on my nerves 😊. 

The post also got me thinking about other ways to park my husband.  One thought is to confine him to a room for a period of time. I know that one of the reader’s of this blog converted a small bathroom into a “holding” room for her husband where he is “Stored” when certain guests come over. If she sees this post, I hope she is willing to share more about it in the comments section.  Another thought is to expel him from the house for the day. He can do whatever he wants but he is not allowed to be home or to contact me. Ahh peace and quiet for me!  I think it is also good for guys to have their own personal time away from the structured environment so it’s really a win-win situation.
Please share your thoughts on this idea and if you have done anything like it.

-Mz Kaylee

Sunday, January 19, 2020

A Special Treat For Thomas

This past weekend, my husband received a special treat. He was allowed to orgasm during sex with me. This is a rare occurrence for him. It might happen twice a year if he is lucky (and good!). He did not know it was going to happen until the very last second when I gave him permission. I could tell he prolonged his orgasm as much as possible and savored every second of it. I savored the moment too and it was amazing and wonderful. It is a very special and deeply intimate moment when two people in love orgasm together. It’s like you are touching each other’s souls and connecting on a deep emotional level. Perhaps I was tuned into that feeling because it is something that is a rare occurrence for me also. Often times when we do something frequently, we take it for granted and forget how special it is or lose touch with the good and positive feelings it generates within us.

Thomas gave up his right to an orgasm the day he agreed (or rather begged 😊) to be submissive to me. His orgasms are a privilege and not a right. Sex with me is an even greater privilege for him and only allowed when I decide. Most of the time he satisfies me through oral pleasure. When we do have sex, I am on top and in control and he has been trained to not move and not to expect an orgasm. As mentioned above, it is a rare occasion when he is allowed to orgasm during sex. This may seem strange and even cruel but it works for us. I have to admit that I get a rush out of using him for my orgasms while he is straining hard not to orgasm. It was not always like that for me. It took me awhile to realize that type of control and ‘domination’ is actually what Thomas craves. It took me awhile to let go and be selfish in my pleasure without worrying about his. In the end, it really is not selfish because as crazy as it sounds it is an even bigger rush for Thomas to be denied orgasm while I have one. It drives him wild and he loves it.

One final thought on the topic – I have read where some women will deny their husband sex altogether or may never let them orgasm during sex. There are two big reasons why I think it’s a better approach to limit sex rather than prohibit it. The first is the I believe the deep connection that occurs during sex when you orgasm together is beneficial for the relationship and a  very special and exciting experience. Second is that it makes the denial of orgasm for the husband that much tougher afterwards. When you give him a taste of something great, it’s hard to resist wanting more. The denial becomes harder and the hope grows within him that it will happen again. It’s a bitter-sweet motivator and so much fun!!

-Mz Kaylee

Sunday, January 12, 2020

Your 2020 WLM/FLR

I hope many of you heeded the advice in my last post and took time to reflect on your relationship and to plan ways to improve and strengthen it over the next year. In any relationship it is smart to regularly reflect on how things are going and then make adjustments or enhancements to keep the relationship strong and exciting. It is also good practice to do this in all areas of your life. Set goals for yourself and write them down. Did you know that you are more likely to achieve your goals when you write them down? Try Taking that extra step and write them down as vividly as you can. After I write my goals down, I like to review them regularly so I stay focused on achieving them.
It also helps to put a plan in place to achieve your goals. What specifically are you going to do to make it happen? If you are not sure of your plan right away, that is fine. The first step is to write down your goals and get it in your head that you are going to accomplish them. You can focus on the “how” later. You may need to do research, talk to others, or even attend training or workshops to figure out the “how” part.

For 2020, I have written down several goals in the areas of my job as well as my personal life and Wife Led Marriage (WLM). A personal goal for me is to live in the moment. I am always thinking ahead and as a result I often half pay attention to the person talking to me. I need to develop the habit of focusing on the person talking to me and what is happening at the moment. My plan for achieving this goal is to be an active listener, which means paying close attention, asking questions, and reconfirming what I am hearing.

One of my WLM goals is to be more specific with my feedback and direction to my husband so that he can serve me better. When I do weekly discipline sessions I often breeze through the feedback or go easy on Thomas. When Thomas and I reflected back on the times that he became lazy or got himself into trouble, it was usually when we went several weeks in a row with quick or easy discipline sessions. Don’t get me wrong, he needs to do a better job at staying obedient (that is one of his goals) but I also have a responsibility to be firm and honest during the discipline sessions. My plan for achieving this goal is to take time to prepare for the session in advance so that I have clear and direct feedback for him. On a side note, last year one of my goals was to be consistent with having regular discipline sessions. Although I breezed through some of the sessions, there were very few weeks where I did not do a discipline session with Thomas and that was a big success for me. Now that I have gotten a routing down for the sessions, I will focus on making them more effective (e.g. provide specific feedback) in 2020. This is a good example of how I am regularly reassessing my WLM and making adjustments to make it better.

When it comes to your WLM goals and plan, involve your spouse in the discussion. The wife, as the leader, has the final say on what gets written down but the husband should be given the opportunity to share his thoughts and he should have a clear understanding of what the goals and action plan are so that you can both work together to make them happen.

What goals have your set for 2020 and how do you plan to achieve them?

-Mz Kaylee

Friday, December 27, 2019

Happy New Year

Wishing you all a happy new year! With a new year approaching, it is a good time to think about how to make your WLM even better. To my fellow Goddesses, think about changes you can make to "up" your Goddess lifestyle and what things can be done to motivate your husband to serve and obey you even more. Can he take on more chores or pamper you more? Is there a new routine that can be added to your week or day? What additional rules can you add to keep him in line or make him feel even more controlled and owned by you? You can make it a goal to be more strict, hold him more accountable by enforcing punishments, or just try new things and pushing his or your limits. It can be exciting to try something completely new such as experimenting with chastity, strap-on sex, or feminization. 

Adding a theme to the year can be fun. For example, you can tell him that in 2020 you are going to explore his feminine side more or that the focus will be on training him to be a better slave for you. Other themes can be that he will learn to worship you like a Goddess or that you will explore pet play with him. There is no shortage of themes that can be used. Let your creative mind run wild!  Throughout the year you can buy items, set expectations and plan activities and training that support the theme. Themes are also nice because they help the submissive get into the right mind set and stay focused. It can be a fun journey to gradually explore the theme during the year, going deeper and deeper into it as the year progresses. 

For those of you that are submissive husbands, think about how you can better serve your wife. What can you do to make her live like a Goddess? What can you do to make her happier? Think about telling her that you want to be a better husband and want to do a better job at serving her. Don't be afraid to ask for her help with it and ask for her to give you feedback and hold you accountable in 2020.

It's healthy for any relationship to try new things and evolve the relationship. It keeps things fun and exciting and helps the couple grow closer together.  So what are you going to do about it in 2020?

Happy New Year!

Why Dealing With Submissive Men is Like Dealing With a Five Year Old

Thanks to all who participated in the discussion from the last post. There were quite an array of responses - some agree, some disagree and some in the middle. A few people took it a step further and talked about men actually being treated like a child or baby, which was not the intent of my question, but I enjoyed the comments and hearing about the experiences. I was glad to see differing opinions because that makes a good discussion and leads to more thought provoking comments. More people disagreed than agreed with the statement that "dealing with men is like dealing with a five year old." I think that is because more men responded than women. Special thanks to the few women that responded. It was disappointing that we did not hear from more women because the question really is aimed at women. While I enjoyed reading all the comment from the guys, the reality is that guys can not fairly comment on the subject because it is the women who have to deal with them.

The idea of posting the question came as a result of correspondence I was having with another woman who is in a WLM. As we shared our experiences and dynamics in our WLMs, we both concluded that many of the things we do with our husbands are similar to what you would do with a child. Examples include: having to punish or spank them, sending them to the corner, being very specific and authoritative when telling them what to do, having to regularly monitor the tasks that they do to ensure they are done correctly, telling them "good boy," regularly questioning them on things they've done, and talking with them, using a motherly tone.

Some of the reactions and things that submissive men do also reminded us of what a child would do. The guilty look on his face when I question him about sitting in my chair, the sad look when he is punished, or the pouting when he is not happy are examples. Another common example is how submissive men are constantly vying for our attention and will do silly or bad things just to get it. We can see right through that boys! On the positive side, when I use a strict and demanding tone he responds immediately, similar to a child who knows not to disobey his mother in that moment.

I  am not implying the submissive men are the same as a five-year old and that men have the same maturity level of a five-year old. There are moments when they act like a child but overall submissive men certainly are more mature than than a child.  My earlier post on the "Strong Submissive Man," emphasizes the the many great qualities of submissive men and those strong qualities are clearly above the level of a five-year old. What I am merely stating in this post is that there are similarities in dealing with children and dealing with submissive men,

Dealing with submissive men is like dealing with a child but that is not necessarily a bad thing. It is just something for women to understand as the embark on a WLM. Women need to feel comfortable punishing their husbands, being authoritative, and acting in a motherly way toward them. It may seem strange at first but the more you accept and do these things, the more natural it feels and the better results you will get with your husband.

-Mz Kaylee.