Friday, September 22, 2017

Those Weird Kinky Moments That Bring Us Closer Together

Sex is an important part of marriage and I believe kink has a rightful place in the marriage as well. Just about every man in the world would not argue with this. It's unfortunate that many women do not recognize this. When a woman ignores the sexual component of her marriage it creates stress in the marriage which can cause her to be distant from her husband, or even worse, it creates risk for an affair to occur.  Men are sexual creatures; this can not be ignored. Women are sexual too, but for men it's much more prevalent and always on their minds.

In a FLR the woman recognizes the importance of sex to the man and uses it as a tool to control him and maintain authority over him. A woman who embraces her husband's submission and sexual desires will create an environment that strengthens the marriage and bring the couple closer together and connected on a deep spiritual level. When done right, a FLR builds an environment where the husband's life evolves around her not just because there are rules, but because he worships her, adores her, and is addicted to her authority and control. In this type of environment, the man feels lucky to be married to his wife and strives to to please her any way he can. The thought of an affair is non-existent.

Many women struggle with embracing their inner Goddess or Mistress. This includes letting their inhibitions go and actively using their husband's sexual desires and fantasies as tools to elevate her control and authority over him. It was something that took me awhile to understand and embrace and when I did, it opened up a whole new world to me. Here is the crazy thing - In talking with a friend of mine (you know who you are :)), we both came to the conclusion that those strange kinky moments brought us closer together with our husbands in a big way.  It's something you have to experience to truly understand. Before I elaborate, I'd like to share a few quotes from Elise Sutton. I consider her an expert on female authority and she has been a wonderful influence on both my husband and I.  In the early years of our FLR, my husband bought me one of her books and it helped me to understand how real and fulfilling a FLR lifestyle is.

"Men create the majority of FemDom art, pictures and images to express how powerful women are in their eyes and how weak they feel in a woman’s presence. These images represent what men are feeling inside."

"So I say to the ladies, please do not get offended by FemDom artwork, videos, or literature, no matter how graphic in nature some of these may be. Instead, look more closely at what is being expressed by the male gender. What are men trying to convey when they produce media that shows men collared and bound at the feet of a woman? Ask yourself, why are sites like The Other World Kingdom so popular with men? What do these pictures say about the male submissive nature?  If a woman will look closer, get over her prudish and self-righteous ways and examine the message more than the content, then she will gain an incredible insight into the male psyche. What is the underlying message to all of these expressions, regardless of the content? Is it not simply the male gender recognizing his need to submit to the female gender? Is it not the inner male child, crying out to be disciplined and trained by the female gender? Is it not the true nature of man breaking forth in his attempt to surrender himself to the female gender?"

The entire article can be found here: 

The article also talks about female superiority, which has been a hot topic here the last few weeks so be sure to check it out.

Ms. Sutton's observations and insights are spot on. Women need to understand that men desire kink and submissive men desire to be dominated by a woman. They want to be spanked, punished, held accountable, and put in an environment filled with rules, strictness, and rituals that reinforce their submission. They are happiest and most productive when they are in this type of environment. When things start turning back to "vanilla" their minds wander back to porn and fantasies and the focus comes off of the their wives. Even in a FLR, this can happen. Overtime, the FLR becomes routine and the spice is lost. Men in this situation overtime will often just accept the situation and even start believing that kinkiness should not be a part of the FLR. I've seen this dynamic play out in forums where you have people who have many years of experience in a FLR.  A new comer posts a kinky experience and then all the old timers blast him for it. In those situations, I think it's the old-timers that need to reevaluate themselves. They've essentially been trained by their wives that the kinky desires are bad or that they should suppress these desires. However, I'm pretty sure deep down, those desires exist in those men and if their wives simply played into them, it would take their marriage to a whole new level and the men would not complain at all.

I'll caveat a few things here. For most men, the need for kink declines when they are older but I don't think it ever goes away. I can tell you my hubby is in his late 40's and is horny as ever.  Also, in more mature relationships there tends to be a less emphasis on kink. I believe it's in the best interest of the marriage to always have some level of kink, but the frequency and intensity of it will vary based on the individuals desires and will probably change over time.

I also want to make it clear that I am not saying the old-timers in my example are unhappy or disconnected in the marriage. The fact that they are in a FLR probably means they are happier and more connected to their wives than most other men who are in vanilla relationships. One can certainly have a FLR without kink. The point I am making is that kink is a powerful tool that brings the couple closer together, makes the marriage happier, contributes to the increasing authority of the wife over the husband and for the husband creates loyalty to his wife. A husband without kink is living like a caterpillar, whereas if he had kink, he could experience his full potential as a butterfly and live a much more fulfilling life. With kink he will happily soar on his submissive wings and bring even greater joy to his wife.

I will share a few of my own personal examples to bring some context to all this theory. When I first married Thomas, I never imagined that many years later I would have him lying over my lap, dressed in frilly panties, and waiting be spanked with my riding crop. I did not even know the concept of orgasm control and denial, or that there were wives that punished their husbands. When Thomas brought those concepts to me I thought it was strange and weird but I kept an open mind about it and gave it a try. It was only after living through these experiences a few times that I began to gain an understanding of why the FLR dynamic worked.

One of my earlier kinky experiences was when I focused on the "little girl" in Thomas. I had put him in panties previously, but this particular time, I was more comfortable in my role and I playfully teased him and talked about how cute he was in panties and told him that he was my little girl. The reaction from him was indescribable. He was quiet, docile, almost blank. I knew he was aroused beyond belief.  He was in subspace.  I think he was shocked that I went "there" and I was a little surprised myself. I felt his vulnerability, his submission to me, and my power over him. He was putty in my hands.

It was a very intimate moment for us. It brought us closer together. The next day he could not thank me enough for doing it. His obedience to me was at an all time high the next few days and his loyalty to me increased. He confessed he was embarrassed by it but that he was also very excited by what happened. He did not understand it, but he loved it. How many husbands and wives have those types of very personal and intimate experiences and discussions? When you can  talk about those things, it creates a special bond. It is wonderful.

I have more examples to share but I will pause there for now. Please share your thoughts or similar experiences. I also encourage all of the women readers to explore the kinky side of the relationship. It's never too late to start. Trust me, your husband will love it and it will do wonders for your relationship. If you have any reservations about this, please share and we can discuss.

-Mz Kaylee

Friday, September 8, 2017

The Superior Female

Some of the comments in the post “The Dominant Part of FLR“ centered on Female Superiority and whether or not females are superior to men. If you search the internet (and I did) you will find articles that make the case for female superiority and articles that make the case for male superiority. Which side is right? Some are a little more scientific than others.  The article below presents a balanced view of both arguments:

I never paid much attention to the argument and considered female superiority more fantasy than fact. However, the recent comments have had me thinking about it more. I’ve been reflecting on the behaviors in my own marriage and have begun to wonder if I’ve been subscribing to the female superiority belief on a subconscious level. To start with, Thomas refers to me as Goddess and I do take on that role well J. It actually took many years for me to embrace the role but once I accepted my role as Goddess to Thomas, it unlocked a whole new world for me and our FLR grew in leaps and bounds.  We use the term ‘worship’ quite often. Thomas worships my feet, he worships my panties, and after he massages my body, he thanks me for allowing him to worship my body. Is it really worship or is it fantasy? He regularly kneels before me and kisses my feet. He also kisses my legs, ass, and other body parts before he massages them. These are all signs of worship. Does that make me superior to him?  

Then there is the ownership thing. I feel a sense of ownership in Thomas. How about it  my fellow Goddesses and Mistresses, don’t you feel this too? I know Thomas wants to feel like he’s owned. He is still my husband but it is like he is also my property. I can do what I please with him and he obeys without question. I use him for my pleasure when I want and I use him as a work horse for me and he loves it. When you think about it, over the years I have trained him, shaped him, and molded him. Most of what he does during the day is either for me or because of me. I have shaped his daily behaviors and even molded the way he thinks. I take ownership in that. Does that make me a superior being to him?

Thomas could not imagine a life where he is equal with me and neither could I. We both agree that our marriage is much better and individually we are better people and much happier with me in the lead and him submitting to me. He may be physically stronger than me but I can outsmart him. I know how to push all his buttons and wrap him around my finger and get him to do just about anything. Does that make me stronger than him? I am definitely superior to him in marriage and in life. He has accepted that but does that make me a superior being to him?  Maybe.

Taking the stance of females being superior over males is certainly a great way to embrace the dominant role and there is no doubt in my mind that if both partners embrace this concept their FLR will flourish but is it really just fantasy? Where I struggle the most with the concept is outside of the marriage.  Am I to expect that when Thomas walks into a room of women, he is to accept that he is inferior to all of them? I’m not so sure about that. There are quite a few women that I know, whom I would not consider superior to my husband.  I would expect him to treat all women with respect and go out of his way to accommodate them, but not that he see himself as an inferior human to them. What about when I walk into a room of men….should I feel superior to them?  Hmmm, I like that thought J.  It’s a great thought but I sense that a woman who viewed herself superior to men might come off condescending and will have challenges building relationships and trust with men.  Perhaps that would not matter to the superior woman. If I proclaim myself a superior being to men, what does that matter anyway?  Why is that important?  It’s just another label. 

Please share your thoughts and opinions. It would be great to hear discussions arguing for each side (superiority vs. equality).

-Mz Kaylee

Sunday, September 3, 2017

Exerting your Dominance

This post is a followup to the previous post. You all are making it easy to write this post. Your comments have been great and on point to what I was thinking. Much of what was shared are things I would consider a must in a FLR and some are things that are not necessarily "musts" but are practices that enhance and strengthen the FLR and distinguish it from a typical vanilla relationship.

If you recall, the questions we were trying to answer were: what makes a FLR real and not just a game to spice up the marriage; how do you keep it from being vanilla?

From the comments shared, here are the things I consider musts:
  1. Orgasm Control -this directs his focus to the wife and gives her authority over him.
  2. Formal acceptance of her authority.  No negotiation of the established authority -  formal acceptance is a key distinguishing factor compared to a traditional marriage where the wife is known to "wear the pants."  
  3. Inequality - FLR does not exist if there is equality.
Items from the comments that are not required but add to the wife's dominance and keep the relationship from becoming vanilla:

  1. Punishment - makes him accountable for his actions and establishes clear lines of power and authority between husband and wife.. The first time he is punished, it brings a new level of reality to the FLR and he learns it's not a fantasy anymore. Punishment also improves obedience.
  2. Financial control - Money is a source of power.  When the wife controls the money, she increases her power and authority over him. Without direct access to money, the husband becomes dependent on her and this deepens his submission to her. What better way to pay tribute to your wife than to work hard to earn money and let her spend it how she desires? 
  3. He does most of the chores - This one is not on the must list but it is pretty much a staple in every FLR. I can't imagine why a wife would not take advantage of this one. Very early in the FLR the wife may not know enough about FLR or have enough confidence to start assigning chores, but usually she gets there pretty quickly. When it comes to chores, I see two differences in a FLR versus a traditional marriage. First, in a FLR most, if not all, chores are assigned to the husband. The wife is only doing chores that she wants to do or has to do out of necessity. Whereas in a traditional marriage there usually is a balance of work between husband and wife and it is often split based on social norms (e.g. girls clean and guys do the labor intensive work). The other difference is that in a FLR the wife has clear expectations on how and when chores are done and if they are not done according to those expectations, there are consequences for the husband. Before we started a FLR Thomas did his chores his way and I felt I did not have much say. For example, he did the dishes but sometimes he would let them sit until the next day or not put the clean dishes away for days. He did not always wipe the table down either. If I complained about this, he might do better for a few days but then go back to his old habits. If I said something again it would be nagging. Sometimes I would wipe the table and counters and put things away rather than confront him. Now in our FLR, he knows he must have the dishes done every night and wipe the table and counters or he will be punished. I have no reservations about holding him accountable for these expectations.
  4. Rituals - many of you described rituals. I loved reading how many guys on a daily basis bend to their knees in front of their wives and proclaim their love and obedience for her.  How wonderful and romantic and a great way to keep the bonds of marriage and FLR strong.
Thank you all for your contributions on this topic.  You captured many key elements of a FLR that separate it from a traditional marriage. In addition to the above, control in the bedroom is another aspect of the FLR. This can be implied with orgasm control but I thought is was worthy of expanding the discussion more. With Thomas I have complete control when it comes to sex and the bedroom activities. Sex is always on my terms and when and how I want it.  He can voice an opinion but I choose whether or not to do anything about it. If I want an orgasm, I get one, His cock belongs to me and is my play toy to use whenever I desire. He pleases me anyway I desire and his pleasure is secondary.  During sex he is always on the bottom, and is not allowed to thrust unless I give permission. He never expects an orgasm but always seeks to give me one. He must always ask for permission to cum, no exceptions to this rule! How a woman chooses to manage the sex and bedroom play is up to her but it should always be on her terms.

It is also important that the wife keeps the FLR evolving. Believe it or not a FLR can become vanilla to the husband and wife. Someone on the outside may not see it as vanilla but for a couple that has been living the same routines over a period of time, those routines can become vanilla and then the relationship loses its spark. Your FLR should be a never ending journey that keeps evolving and growing. I think many women do fall into the routine and that is one of these reasons I started my blog.  There are so many blogs and articles about how to start a FLR but very few address the ongoing challenges of a FLR and what to do after you have established it.  One of my goals for this blog is to share ideas to keep relationships fun, exciting, and evolving.

Each topic above is worth digging into more deeply. I plan to expand on each one in my next few posts. If there is one in particular that you have an interest in, let me know. I also encourage you to read the comments in the previous post. There is great discussion and I have spent time replying to comments. However, I do not want to be the only one responding. Please add your thoughts and opinions to the discussions. Thanks to those of you who have been contributing. I am thrilled to see so many different people commenting and sharing their real life experiences.  Your contributions truly make this blog much more meaningful and a great source of information for both men and women.

Mz Kaylee

Saturday, August 26, 2017

The Dominant part of the FLR

Gigi recently posed the question of what makes a FLR real and not just a game to spice up the marriage; how do you keep it from being vanilla?

There are many relationships where the wife is naturally the head of the household.  How many times have you heard someone say, 'Well I know who wears the pants in that relationship"?  Although the woman is in the lead, it is still a vanilla relationship. When I write about FLR, I am not referring to these types of relationships.  I envision the FLR as a formal structured approach to the relationship where the wife has clear lines of authority, dominance, and control over the husband.  I think that is the main point that Ggi is getting to in her question. Before I share my thoughts on this I would like to hear from all of you.  Please share your real experiences with this and what are the things that make it real for you and different than a typical relationship?  What areas clearly show her dominance over you? I also want to add the question of why is this important for you?

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Decision Making: Leading versus Dictating

Frequently people mistakenly assume that in a Female Led Relationship (FLR) or Wife Led Marriage (WLM)  the wife makes all the decisions in the relationship and the husband has no say at all. Then there are those who take it a step further and assume that because the wife makes all the decisions, she is only going to make decisions that are best for her, without any care for what the husband wants. These are big misconceptions. I have written on the topic of decision making in a FLR in the past but a recent comment on the I'm Her's blog made me want to revisit the topic. The comment was under the post "United We Stand, Divide We Fall" in July 2017. The reader posed several questions in a few comments, but below is an excerpt that I think captures the essence of the concern"

"..the question always remains how do you know that your partner is correct or right and does blind following of their decisions really lead you as the individual to a better place in life? Will you be a happier partner by following their decisions or will you only be happy for the short term since it suits the dominant partner when they want it to suit them?"

FLR is a complex concept and different thinking compared to traditional marriage and there is a ton of bad advice and incorrect information on the subject so it is easy to be confused about the roles and responsibilities in the FLR. Let's start with the "L" in FLR and WLM. It stands for 'led' which makes the wife the leader of the relationship. A leader is not the same as dictator.  At times, a leader may dictate orders when he/she feels it is in the best interest of the organization (or marriage in this case) but great leaders bring people together and motivate them to excel toward a certain vision. They are good at identifying the strengths and unique abilities of each individual and leveraging those strengths and abilities to help achieve the vision. Those that follow the leader look to her/him for direction, guidance, and motivation. Good leaders inspire people to want to follow them and achieve the vision. A good leader knows the strengths and abilities of each individual and strikes the right balance between empowering her/his followers to do things for her/him versus dictating and making decisions on her/his own.

Those same principles can be applied to the FLR/WLM. In the FLR, the wife has the right to final say in all decisions but she does not have to exercise that right all the time. If there are strengths that her husband has, the best thing she can do is utilize those strengths to help make the right decisions. For example, my husband is very good with finances and money. Therefore if we are going to make a big purchase that requires a loan or if we want to start saving money, he is the one that will figure out the best way to do it.  I may ask him questions or ask him to explore other options. I will expect him to explain his logic but I am pretty much going to agree with what he recommends because he knows more than I do when it comes to finances. 

Likewise, he is great at planning activities. When it comes to vacation I will usually lean on him to do all the research and come up with ideas for vacation, suggestions for hotels, car rentals. etc. I know he will do a good job with it and it saves me time. However, he is not allowed to book anything until we discuss his ideas. During this discussion I will add my input and we will decide together about what to do.  Many times it ends up being different than what his original suggestion was.  If there is ever a difference of opinion that can not be resolved, I get the final say.  He is fine with this as it is part of the deal that he bought into with FLR. In the end we plan a vacation that we both will enjoy. I would not want to plan a vacation that he would not enjoy because that would take away from my enjoyment.

Hopefully you can see that this is not 'blind' following, which was a concern in the comment at the beginning of this post.  I am seeking input from my husband when it comes to the big decisions and often times relying on his recommendations.  In no way does this take away my control or influence over him. In fact, this makes me an even stronger leader as I am making him work for me so that I can make better decisions.  The difference between this and a traditional marriage is that there is an expectation that he can not make big decisions on his own and that I get the final approval and final say on what is to be done. 

Something else to not lose sight of is the reason why the wife married the husband. I can't speak for others but I chose my husband because I enjoy hanging out with him, we have similar ideals, he is supportive of me, intelligent and my best friend. I do not want that to change. I call him slave but that is more for fun. In reality I do not want a mindless slave that just obeys and waits for the next command. I want a husband who is a great companion. Part of that companionship is making big decisions together such as what house to buy, how to remodel the kitchen, and where to go on vacation. In essence, this could be considered the vision that I follow when making decisions (but my marriage vision would encompass much more such as healthy family, supporting kids, etc.). With that perspective it would not make sense for me to expect my husband to blindly follow me and it would not make sense for me to impose rules or make decisions that would leave him completely unhappy.

There may be some women who take a bolder stance on decision making. Every couple is different and for some people a more dictator type approach may work. However, in my opinion, the more extreme/dictator approach the wife takes, the less likely the marriage will remain stable and happy in the long-run. In this extreme case I would agree with the comment at the beginning of this post, that happiness would be short-lived. 

It is also important to recognize differences in peoples abilities and that life is one great learning experience. A younger wife, new to FLR  may not be a strong leader but that should not stop her from embarking on a FLR. There are many different flavors of FLR. She does not have to start out having complete authority over her husband. She can start with small areas that she is comfortable with and increase her breadth of authority over time as she learns and her confidence builds. That's pretty much how it happened with me. My guess is that it is rare to find someone that just jumped in and knew all the right things to do. There is nothing stopping an inexperienced wife from growing into a strong leader.  I disagree with the notion that if a person is not a leader or not dominate that they can not be turned into a leader or dominant person. If they have the desire, the right environment, and encouragement they can change over time. The husband should support her in this endeavor. If the wife makes a mistake or bad decision, then an  apology will suffice. Nobody is perfect. Mistakes and decisions are where we learn the most and when we learn from them it makes us better individuals.

A final thought that I will leave with you is that FLR is a journey that both husband and wife embark on together.  For a FLR to flourish there must be trust, compassion, and love from both husband and wife.  

This is a complex topic that can often cause stress or confusion in a relationship so please chime in with your thoughts or questions.  I expect that people will have different views on this so I am looking forward to the discussion.

-Mz Kaylee

Monday, July 31, 2017

The Busy Dominant Wife - Closing Remarks

Phew!  I finally finished this series.  Hopefully, you found the posts informative and thought provoking and I hope you've gotten a few good ideas to use. I am thrilled with all the comments and discussion on the posts. I was away on vacation for awhile so I apologize for not getting some of the comments published in a timely fashion. They are all published now.  I encourage all of you to go back to the comments sections in each of the posts and read what others have posted and continue the discussion. Often times the comments from others provide great additional insights and ideas.

The last few posts in these series touched on the kinkier aspects of FLR.  This was purposeful as I have learned that using kink and playing into a man's sexual side are powerful tools for motivating men. Tapping into these tools when you are busy are great ways to keep his attention on you and motivate him to serve and obey you when you don't have a lot of time or energy to give him the usual attention. In the comments on this series of posts, some of the submissive boys pointed out that not all the tasks need to be kinky or sexually related; that a simple order or assignment to help the wife would motivate them or make them happy.  That advice is helpful to keep in mind, especially when you are overworked and need help. Commanding your husband to do something for you is a way to bring out his submissive happiness. Take note that I used the word 'Commanding." Commanding him to do something is much more impactful than asking him to do something.

Many of the ideas I shared I have used and some I have not. I encourage you to try a few of the ideas that were presented in the series. I even recommend that you pick one or two that seem off the wall and give them a try.  You may be surprised at how excited your man gets and how submissive he becomes. You may even be surprised at how excited you become.  I remember the first time I used a butt plug on Thomas.  It was his idea and I thought it was strange but I did it to humor him. However, his reaction/emotional language from having the plug in him struck an erotic nerve in me and really excited me.  I did not expect it.  Sometimes the strangest things turn into the most exciting things.  If you try something new and it does not work, no harm done. You can laugh about it and move on.

The kinkier ideas are fun but certainly should not be what your relationship is based around. The most important point that I would like you to take from this series of posts is that it is critical to find one-on-one time with each other.  No matter how busy you are, you need to set time aside where you can talk regularly and where you can just have fun together.  This will keep your relationship strong and a strong relationship with your spouse will help you flourish in other areas in your life and get you through the tough times.

The next important point that I want to emphasize is to lean on your husband during the busy times. If you try to get through the busy or tough situations by yourself, he will feel isolated and will be desperate for your attention, which will most likely lead to relationship issues that you will have to deal with on top of the other stress.  Instead, make him work for you. Focus your efforts on training, disciplining, and if needed punishing him to get things done for you.  Initially this may take some work on your part to get him 'trained' on what needs to be done.  However, in the long-term he will become a big help to you and ease your stress.  This managing approach makes you an even stronger leader, elevates your authority over him and will bring out the submission in him even more. He will love helping you.

Many of you wrote me and told me that you share the posts with your spouse.  It makes me happy to hear that and I  hope this leads to more fun for you and a stronger relationship.  If you use any of the ideas from my posts or you discover that your wife is suddenly using them on you, please share your experiences, good or bad. I want to know how it went or if it led to even new adventures.

-Mz Kaylee

Sunday, July 9, 2017

The Busy Dominant Wife - Part V

Technique 2: Give him assignments, tasks, and new rules that reinforce your authority over him, surface his submissive emotions, and/or arouse him.

The primary goals of these "submissive assignments" are to keep his mind in submissive mode, keep him aroused, and keep him thinking about serving and obeying you.These assignments focus on the psychological aspects of your control over him.  Submissive assignments are perfect for the busy domme because once assigned, they take very little of her time.  The submissive on the other hand, spends his day (or in some cases several days) focused on the assignment. During the assignment he feels the wife's control even though she is not present.  In essence, a perceived reality of dominance is created for him while the Dominant Wife is off doing her day-to-day things.

Some examples are below.  As a reminder, these types of things are not key to a FLR and it is up to you to choose whether or not to implement them. They are fun ideas that are easy to do and can help keep your submissive husband's arousal and submissive desires heightened, which in turn motivates him to serve you.

Order him to research FLR articles for you and domination techniques.  You can keep it broad or ask him to research a specific topic such as chastity or cuckolding.  Remember that the goal is to keep him submissive, aroused, and thinking about serving you.  Therefore, the topics you pick do not have to be things you are thinking about.  It can be fun to give him a topic that is outside of what your currently do because it will make him start to wonder if you are considering doing it.  Imagine if you asked him to research cuckolding. You could have some fun with that one by not committing one way or the other whether you want to do it or you could hint that the idea turns you on a bit (even though it may not and you never intend to do it). That kind of mental teasing drives submissive men wild and plays into their submissive desires.  His mind will go wild with fantasies of being a cuckold to you.  Other strategies include picking a topic that is a turn on for him, picking a topic that you want to learn more about, or letting him choose what to bring back to you (this will give you an idea of what he is fantasizing about).

There are many benefits with this technique and I use it often. Through the research process he will have to read many different articles and blogs and put together a summary of what he has read or print out some of the good articles for you to read. This repetitive reading about FLR and femdom will most definitely put his mind in submissive mode and cause his mind to fantasize about being in those situations, which of course will keep him in a very aroused and obedient state.  The repetitive reading is also good training for him.  He will learn things that will make him a better servant to you. Another benefit is that you will get good educational material and ideas for yourself.  You may find that a lot of the information is not really what you are looking for but if you get just one or two good ideas or advice from his research, then it is a great thing. Having him do research for you is also a time saver for you since he does all the reading and eliminates duplicate information and weeds out the garbage (although you have to be careful that he does not take too much liberty in determining what is garbage).  Once you have the articles or summary from him you can read them at your leisure. Sometimes I will read it while he massage my feet and then comment on things or ask him questions about what ideas he likes.

Over the years I have learned a tremendous amount from these readings and have picked up many great ideas that I have applied to my FLR.  Also, for me in the early years,  some of the information helped to validate that what I was already doing was a good thing. When I would read that others were doing some of the same things I was doing it gave me more confidence that I was going down the right path.

Order him to find one or two videos or erotic stories about a certain topic of your choosing or of a scene that really turns him on.  I am sure some of you are surprised that I am suggesting this one.  After all, it is common for women who start taking authority over their husband to cutoff his porn habit. However, the difference here is that you are giving him specific direction and permission to do it. You are giving meaning and purpose to what he is doing and linking it back to you.  He will not be looking at porn solely for his own satisfaction. He will be looking at it with the purpose of pleasing you and hoping that you will make the scene come to reality with him.  It is very important that you are clear in your direction to him that he is doing it for you.  You can have fun with it and tell him that you are ordering him to do this so that you get ideas on how to drive him wild because you know it will make him weaker and give you more control over him.  You can tell him that you are giving this task simply to tease him because you know how excited he will get by it.  Be creative and have fun. The redirection of his thought process towards you instead of just generic selfish pleasure is powerful and can strengthen his submissive desires toward you.   The irony here is that you are taking something that is often a deterrent to a good relationship and turning it into a tool to gain authority over him.  The benefits of this assignment are very similar to the research assignment noted above. I have picked up a few ideas from the videos.  Watching another women tease/dominate a man can be very educational and informative and more insightful than reading about it.  Use this technique with caution and sparingly as you do not want to create a porn habit.

Order him to do assignments that keep him focused on you and his submission  These are assignments that play into his submissive desires.  For example, have him clean and organize all your shoes.  Submissive men love to kneel at a woman's feet or worship their feet. Shoes are associated with your feet and so the simple task of cleaning them will stir up those submissive desires and may even excite him.  For added fun, make him kiss each one before cleaning it or require him to put his nose inside each one and smell your beautiful scent before cleaning.  These little tasks will drive him wild.  Link the task back to you by telling him that as a Goddess, you deserve to have clean shoes and it his job as your slave to keep them clean.

Another idea is to have him hand wash your panties.  Men go crazy over panties and so this will surely excite him and surface his submission.  Require that he kiss or sniff your scent from each pair before cleaning. With Thomas I refer to this as worshiping my panties. Trust me on this one Ladies, he will love this requirement.  Give him the direction to wash each pair individually so that he can admire and worship each of your beautiful panties.

Other ideas include having him polish your latex fetish wear, clean your sex toys, practice sucking a dildo so he can perform well for you, refolding your lingerie, and shopping for you to buy you things like panties, lingerie, toys, or shoes. Be creative and have fun with these assignments.  The goal is to give him something to do that will stir up his submissive desires and keep him focused on his obedience to you.  If he has any type of "hot button" or fetish, find assignments that play into those fetishes.  You are most definitely tapping into the kink part of the relationship with these assignments.

Be sure to talk up the assignment and link it back to you or his submission.  The more you can attach emotion and meaning to the assignment, the more effective it will be in creating that perceived dominance while he is doing it and the more submissive he will feel while doing it.  I also like to tell him that he must be fully aroused (erect) before beginning his assignment.  This is usually not an issue for him. lol!   These are assignments that can be done on his own time when you are not around.  Simply give him the orders and a due date or time.  If he does not complete these assignments to your expectations, issue a punishment and have him do them again.

Technique 3:  Order him to masturbate for you  
When you just don't have the time to tease him, make him do it to himself.  You can have him do it while you are sitting in bed reading, watching TV, or sitting at a table doing work.  The order is simple - "tease yourself to the edge but no cumming."  You can also make him lick-up any leakage.  If you trust that your husband will obey you and can restrain himself from orgasm, you can order him to masturbate outside of your presence.  For example, during times when I've been really busy and have had no time to tease him, I have ordered Thomas to masturbate to the edge every morning in the shower.  While he did it, he was to think about how wonderful it is to be my submissive husband and server and obey me.  It can also be fun to have him do it in the middle of day at work or at a random time when he is out.  He has to find a bathroom or private place to do it.  Be sure to order him to think about you while he is stroking.  These little "worship" sessions will keep him focused on you during the day.  You can give him the instructions in advance or you can be spontaneous.  Why not send him a text one day while he is at work that simply says,,,"I want you to spend 5 minutes worshiping me before you leave work today"?  Make sure he reports back when it's done :)

Just to be clear this is not an open order for him to masturbate.  You are controlling when and how he masturbates.  You are giving specific direction on what he is to do and what he is to think about while masturbating.  He is masturbating not because he wants to but because you want him to masturbate for you.  Therefore, you are in complete control of the situation and still have authority over him. This is a very effective technique to control him.  However, it should only be used if you have confidence that he can refrain from orgasm.

That is all the techniques for now.  I will follow-up with one more post with closing remarks.  If you have any more ideas, please share.