Trina and Tony

 1. Who am I (name, sex, approx. age, where you live)

Trina and Tony
40s, Midwest

2. My position in the relationship (submissive, dominant, or switch? If switch, do you favor one over the other?

 

Trina is dominant and Tony is submissive.

3. What is your current marriage status and WLM/FLR situation (Married and in a WLM, not married and in a FLR, not married but seeking a FLR, etc.)? What is status of your WLM (Beginners, Mature, Somewhere in the middle)

 

We have been married for seven years. Our relationship is mature.

4.  When did you first discover your submissive/dominant desires?

Trina: I have always liked being in control and early on was the dominant one with boyfriends. However, I married a man who was a dominant, partly because I am a devout Christian. I tried living the life of a submissive housewife, but it was definitely not for me and we wound up getting divorced.

 

Tony: I have been a spanko my entire life. I didn’t care whether I was spanking or being spanked, I just loved all of it. So I was a switch. After getting together with Trina, she brought out my submissive side. I still would love to spank her, but I know it’s not going to happen.

5.  Describe how WLM/FLR was introduced into your relationship? Explain your experiences of how you went from discovering submission/domination up to the point of being in a WLM/FLR?

Trina: We met on a yahoo group for Christian singles into domestic discipline. Ironically, we both listed ourselves as spankers! But after my failed marriage, I knew I wanted to be in the dominant role. Since Tony liked being spanked as much as spanking, it was easy to lead him in the direction of being a submissive. I don’t think he had any clue that he would be doing all the housework. And I had no clue I would need to lock him in a chastity cage because of his addiction to spanking porn. But I made it clear from the very beginning that I was going to be in charge. He was fine with that as long as he got his spankings!

 

Tony: I agree that my fetish was the driver of everything for me. I also had been in a failed marriage, basically because my first wife wasn’t into spanking so I cheated on her by finding other spanking partners (although I never had sex with any of them). I wanted a wife who loves spanking, and Trina does, so I was willing to put up with just about anything else, and eventually came to enjoy her need to control me.

6.  Describe your current WLM/FLR situation
    a.       Chores

Trina: Tony does ALL the chores for our family. But we have an attached mother-in-law apartment that we use as an AirBnB, and I am the one who “flips” the apartment because Tony is at work during the hours that it needs to be cleaned (11 a.m. to 4 p.m.) So I also do a lot of cleaning. And it’s only fair that Tony does the rest. We have intentionally sexualized his chores. He does them after the kids are in bed, and he wears an apron and nothing else. I usually am reading and drinking a glass of wine, and I really enjoy watching his naked butt while he is vacuuming or doing the dishes or whatever. He gets his chastity device off when he is cleaning, so he is usually hard the entire time and I get quite a kick out of that.

Tony: I love serving my queen. It is arousing to be doing chores naked while she is relaxing. Sometimes she will make me come over to her and she will play with my cock or my butt for a few seconds, then send me on my way. That gives me an incredible amount of sexual energy to keep working.  

 

b.       Finances/Money

Trina: We have two checking accounts. Tony’s check from work goes into one that has both our names on it, and he is responsible for paying ALL of the household expenses – 100% of the bills. Not much is left over at the end of the month, and what is left goes into a savings account for emergencies, vacations, etc. If he needs to spend any of this money on himself (other than basic necessities like shaving cream), he has to get my permission. For instance, recently he needed a new pair of shoes but I told him the pair he wanted was too expensive and limited the amount he could spend. 

 

The other account is the AirBnB income. That is in my name alone. Tony doesn’t see how much money there is or how I spend it. I do contribute to some extras, like vacation trips. But mostly it is for my pleasure alone. It’s about $30,000 a year, and I love having total control of that much money.

 

Tony: All of my discretionary expenditures are controlled. If I want to go golfing with my buddies, I have to make sure I have enough in our account and also need to ask Trina’s permission. Probably half the time I have to tell my buddies no. I don’t really like that setup, but as Trina says, “You can accept it or you can get spanked until you accept it.” 

 

 

 c.       Rules/Protocols

Trina: I didn’t expect to have to treat Tony like a naughty little boy who needs lots of rules, but that’s what he is a lot of the time. His obsession with spanking porn and compulsive masturbation was infuriating. I would catch him and he would promise not to do it again, but then he would a week later. We eventually agreed that his cock needed to be locked and his orgasms completely controlled. Now he wears his cage most of the day, except when he is under my direct supervision (like cleaning) or when I want to make use of his equipment.

 

We have many other rules, based on him being a “perfect gentleman.” So he brings me coffee in bed in the morning, prepares my bath, gives me massages, manicures and pedicures, opens doors for me, walks on the street side of the sidewalk, must be unfailingly polite with me and all women, etc. etc. I tell him, “Everybody we meet should think you are totally pussy-whipped or the perfect gentleman.” They don’t need to know the third possibility: He’s my submissive.

 

Tony: I love structure and rules. The more my Queen gives me, the more secure I feel. Having to wear the chastity cage at work and when out shopping constantly reminds me that I am under her control.

    d.       Punishment and Discipline

Trina: Tony is aroused by spankings, so to use them as punishment they have to be extremely hard. I remove his cage for spankings, and he always has an erection at the beginning, and I have to “spank him soft” before the real punishment begins. He gets spanked at least once a week; if that doesn’t happen, he gets cranky and earns himself a spanking. We do a “reminder” or “maintenance” spanking every Sunday evening after the kids are in bed. This may include dealing with transgressions during the week or be just because. I like to punish him immediately when he misbehaves, but with kids around that often is not possible.

 

I use many other punishments, and also rewards. Orgasms have to be earned, for instance, with good behavior, and bad behavior can result in time added to the period between orgasms. I use line-writing, corner time, extra chores, removal of privileges such as watching sports on TV, and the punishment he hates the most – being grounded from doing things with his buddies.

 

Tony: I need to be spanked. It’s part of my makeup. Fortunately, Trina spanks me a lot. Even though the thought of it arouses me, she spanks hard enough that it is punishment. The other punishments, I hate all of them. Which means they are effective.

    e.       Chastity/Orgasm Control

 

Trina: I completely control his orgasms. He has gotten really good at controlling himself during sex so that he can give me a lot of pleasure without cumming himself. This has been great for our sex life because we practice Natural Family Planning (using a calendar but no birth control). We can have intercourse even during a high risk day because I know he will not ejaculate. When he is not in my presence, he is locked in chastity. I used to let him have an orgasm once a week, when he takes the cage off and cleans it thoroughly under my watchful eye. But he actually told me he thought that was too frequent because he loses sexual energy after orgasm and has more trouble getting his chores done! So now it’s about once a month unless he has earned a special orgasm or been denied one due to misbehavior.

 

Tony: I love that my orgasms are controlled. I used to masturbate at least once a day, which left me little sexual energy for my wife or for household chores. Now I have very few orgasms – but my cock gets more attention than ever before! Trina likes to play with it and does so just about every day. She’ll get me hard and then give me some order, and I scurry off happily to do her bidding! She’ll say. “Come here and pull down your pants so I can give you a little motivation.” I never know if that means a spanking or playing with my privates. But I love it either way!

 

f.        Rituals, Protocols, routines

 

Trina: We do have a daily routine with its rituals. He gets up first and makes me coffee while I am still sleeping. Then I love for his tongue to be my alarm clock. If you ladies have never been awakened by a tongue on your clit, you should try it. Amazing. I’ll scoot up into a sitting position and sip my coffee while he gets busy down below. I usually orgasm quickly. Then he quickly dresses, goes and wakes the children and gets them ready for school. He makes us all breakfast. I come downstairs, sometimes still in my robe and see the children off. Then he has to rush around and get ready for work while I have a leisurely morning. Often I talk with a girlfriend on the phone, or one may even come over, or I may go play tennis or swim or do the machines at the Y.

 

At 11 a.m., I start flipping the AirBnB apartment. Sometimes that takes 2 hours, sometimes 4, depending on how many beds were slept in and how messy they left it. The kids get home around 3, and I try to be done with the apartment so we can spend time together. We love board games, riding bikes, etc.

 

Tony gets home by 5, usually. He has to call me if he is going to be late. He quickly changes out of his work clothes and gets in the kitchen to make dinner. He is required to wear an apron while he cooks. The kids set the table. We all eat together, with me at the head of the table. Dinner is required to be on the table by 6 or there are consequences for Tony. After dinner, we spend time together as a family. Tony is a great father, and the kids adore him. He wrestles with them on the floor, plays tag all over the house, etc. at 7:30 they start getting ready for bed and are in bed by 8. They know they are not allowed out of bed (other than to go to the bathroom upstairs) unless it is an emergency.

 

Meanwhile, downstairs, I remove Tony’s cage and he does chores in his cute apron. He has dishes to do and usually vacuums the entire downstairs. Some nights he dusts, other nights he does toilets, etc. I love to read, though sometimes I watch TV. I can do both while riding my recumbent exercycle. He brings me wine to sip, and if he has been a good boy I let him have a beer. He has his own stationary bike, and I love to watch him ride it with a bare butt. Sometimes I playfully smack it and say, “Faster!” We both love this kind of sex play.

 

At 10 o’clock he draws my bath and serves as my naked bath attendant. I love when he washes my body and hair. He is always rock hard during bath time, and I will play with it so that he moans in ecstasy. After bath he leads me to bed and gives me at least one orgasm with his mouth. Sometimes I let him enter me until I am satisfied. Then he is responsible to get himself soft – often he has to use cold water – and I put his cage back on and we both sleep naked.

 

g.       Fetishes or kinks

Tony: I obviously have a spanking fetish, but in a domestic discipline relationship we don’t think of it that way. It’s either punishment or a reminder that my Queen is in charge. The same with everything else we do: a chastity cage, tease and denial, naked housekeeping, etc. They each have a purpose in our relationship, so to us they are not kinks or fetishes. That’s so much better than when I was looking at fetish porn and masturbating with no positive purpose for my fetish!

7.       How public is your WLM/FLR – do others know about it? How do you act in public?

 

Trina: Anybody who watches us for five minutes knows that my husband caters to my every whim. Who knows what they call it? WLM? FLR? Pussy-whipped? The Perfect Gentleman? I don’t care. When we are at a party and I want my glass refilled, I hold it up. He is required, wherever he is in the room, to have his eyes on me, and he comes and gets my glass. I don’t care that others see it. He’s just being a good husband. There are times when I have had to warn him of his behavior in public. We have a little code term: NLB for “naughty little boy.” You’re not being an NLB, are you?” I will ask in front of anyone. If someone asks me what it means, I’ll just smile and say something like, “It’s our code for him to straighten up.” They know I am in charge.

 

Tony: On several occasions, Trina has had friends over in the evenings. I am still required to be in my apron, but put on a pair of shorts. So her girlfriends see me cleaning dressed that way. I fill their wine glasses, and I ask Trina if I can fix them some hors d’oeuvres. It’s very obvious we are in a Wife-Led Marriage. Some of them make comments to her in my presence of how well-trained I am. She smiles and says thank you. I don’t believe she has told any of them that she spanks me or locks my cock, but truthfully, that would be her choice. 

 

The thing I like the least is that if she says no to me going out with the guys, she listens when I call them and she expects me to say, “My wife said no” or even worse, “My wife grounded me.” That is really embarrassing, and they tease me about how pussy-whipped I am. I usually just joke right back with something like, “Yeah, but if you knew anything about her pussy, you’d be whipped too.” They think that’s funnier than heck. Trina thinks the embarrassment is just part of the punishment I have earned.

8.       Do you have kids in the house? If yes, what age group (infant, toddler, teenager, adult)

Trina: We have three elementary school children.

9.       Describe how the WLM/FLR works with kids in the house

Trina: They know that mom makes most of the decisions and that dad does the housework. They see and hear him asking my permission for various things. I want my daughters and my son to grow up in a Wife-Led Marriage and hopefully want one for themselves. They don’t know about him being spanked or cleaning with just an apron on. That always happens after they are in bed. Fortunately our bedroom is at the opposite end of the house as their wing of rooms, so they don’t hear the bath brush doing its job. Tony is very good at keeping quiet during a spanking.

 

Tony: They know she “wears the pants” in the family. My oldest has asked me a little bit about it. I tell her that’s the way women are in the 21st Century and it works for her parents.

 

10.   What are some of challenges you face in your WLM/FLR?

Trina: There are times when I wish he didn’t have to be gone for nine hours five days a week. I’d like to have him serving me during that time, flipping the AirBnB for me. He says we should hire a maid to do it, but that would eat into my income. Other than that, I can’t think of anything.

 

Tony: I would like to have more orgasms. But I understand I have earned this restriction by my porn addiction. I wish I hadn’t asked her to stop the weekly orgasms during the cage cleaning. But it was masturbating in front of her, and I didn’t like that feeling.

 

Sometimes I am tired doing the housework so late at night. But it really helps when she plays with me so that I am hard. That gives me the energy to get the work done.

 

I wish I had a set allowance during the week so I would know what I could do, like go golfing. She has replied that I am managing an account with a lot of money in it, so that is up to me. But the expenses of daily living take most of that money. I have become a frugal shopper to try to have some left over!


11.   What things do you like the most about your WLM/FLR?

Trina: No. 1 has to be the end to arguments. No. 2 is knowing that he’s not jacking off in the bathroom. No. 3 is all the attention I get, the adoration he shows me. No. 4 is all the work he does around the house. No. 5 is that I am totally sexually satisfied whenever I want to be. The combination of those five things makes for an amazing marriage.

 

Tony: This may sound weird for someone who gets spanked a lot, but our WLM helps me feel safe and secure. I love the structure. I have a job where I have to think hard all day. When I come home, I don’t have to think at all. I just do as I’m told. I also love love love pleasing my wife. To see her smile, to hear her moan with pleasure, to have her call me a “good boy” … I live for those things. We used to argue a lot; now we never argue. I know there’s no point because she is going to get her way eventually, with my bottom either spanked or unspanked. So I may as well just agree.

 

12.   How have things evolved or changed with you and as a couple in your WLM/FLR over time since starting the WLM/FLR? How does this compare to how you were prior to the WLM/FLR?

Trina: It basically was a spanking relationship when we started. But I knew all along I wanted a WLM. With the authority of spanking, it was pretty easy to take control in all these other areas. It took us about a year and a half to be in a full WLM.

 

Tony: I had no idea she was going to take control of the finances, lock up my cock, make me do all the housework, etc. But I have come to realize that she is a better decision-maker than me. She thinks with her brain, while I mostly think with my penis. So obviously I should do as she says. Plus she gives me the thing I have wanted all my life and never had: weekly spankings. I would agree to virtually anything to have that.

 

13.   If there were one or two things you could change about your WLM/FLR or one or two things new you would like to try, what would they be?

Trina: I have thought about being even more open with our WLM. I think some of my girlfriends could benefit greatly from taking control of their husbands. To me, that’s the next step, to help others. Tony says he doesn’t mind if I am more open, but I’m not sure that’s the truth. He does not like to be embarrassed. So that’s something we still need to work out together.

 

Tony: I have so many spanking fantasies. I would love to be spanked in front of her girlfriends, for instance. Her sister and I don’t get along at all, and I would love to be taken over her sister’s knee and made to apologize for the way I have treated her (even though she has treated me worse). But I don’t feel it’s my place to push for such things. Trina knows my fantasies. If she allows them to come true, great. If not, also great. 

14.   Do you have any advice for others who are starting out in a WLM/FLR?

Trina: Like everybody says, lots of open communication. But it’s OK to manipulate too. I have often used the “cock talk” technique where I get him hard manually and then have a serious conversation about something I want him to do or not do. He’s so aroused that he will agree to just about anything. Interestingly, he has never argued later that he was in some helpless state when he agreed. He knows he had the choice and made the choice. He’ll say, “Well, it was worth it.”

 

Tony: I think we are unusual in that we met on a site for spankos. So we knew before we even spoke that we wanted some kind of spanking relationship. Then when we did meet, she told me in no uncertain terms that she would be the spanker. Everything else grew out of that. So I would say to be open up front about what you want/need. For me it is a need; I could not be married to someone who didn’t spank.

 

15.   Is there anything else you what like to share?

Tony: We’re all talked out!