A Time for Change - The Discipline Jar

Before I continue with this topic, I would like to encourage everyone to read the comment from Sandra in my Bringing in The New Year's post. Her comment is well thought out, informative and has many great tidbits of advice and techniques.  Please read it.

Now, back to my changes.  After I was done with the financial talk and Queening Thomas, we took a little break.  It was getting close to dinner.  I had planned on going out somewhere for dinner but by now I was relaxed and having fun with Thomas in the house so I was in no mood to go out.  Instead we ordered takeout from a nearby restaurant.  I had Thomas order the food and then go pick it up.  To make the trip fun he had to wear his panties and a butt plug when he went to get the food.  While he was gone, I slipped on a comfortable silk night gown.  There was no need for the latex anymore. It already had the effect on him that I wanted.  When he returned with the food he stripped back down to his panties and served me the food.  He was not allowed to remove the plug yet, so I enjoyed watching him waddle around serving me completely aroused. 

After dinner I enjoyed another glass of wine while Thomas cleaned up dinner and did the dishes. Then I ordered him to the bedroom to get ready for a discipline session.  He was allowed to remove the plug, wash it and put it away.  For the discipline session, he knows to retrieve my riding crop and then move our discipline chair out from the corner of the room and kneel by it and wait for me.  He was in position when I entered the room.  For this session, I had him kneel on the seat of the chair and hug the back of the chair. This session was a little different than our usual session. We spent most of the time just talking while I walked around him, using the riding crop to tease him with soft playful slaps or light traces across his body; I added hard slaps to emphasize key points or express dissatisfaction.  We talked about how we were both busy and some aspects of our FLR were slipping a bit, such as my pampering, discipline sessions, and spending more time together. We made plans to get back into those routines again.  I explained to him that with how busy we were at the moment, there probably would not be time for the regular discipline sessions so I was going to try something new.  This is where the discipline jar came in. I showed him an oversized plastic jar. If you ever bought pretzels in bulk that come in a big plastic jar, this is the type of jar I used. I explained the concept to him.  Below is how it works.

Discipline Jar
The idea is that for every item that he would normally be disciplined for, he would instead be assessed a $1 penalty at the time of occurrence and would have to immediately put the dollar in the jar.  So for example, if he did not do a good job cleaning the kitchen, I would say to him, 'You did not wipe down the table.  Put a dollar in the jar."  Once a certain amount of money is accumulated, he would be punished.  I set the punishment threshold at $10.  We'll see how it goes. I may need to adjust once I get a better feel for how fast or slow the dollars accumulate. Here are the basic rules I put into place:

1. For each infraction, a $1 penalty is assessed.  However, I may increase the penalty for a particular infraction if I feel it is warranted. 
2. The penalty must be paid from his allowance immediately into the jar.  If he has no allowance money left, he will put an IOU in the jar at the double the amount and pay it back immediately when he receives his weekly allowance.
3. All money in the jar becomes my money to spend as I please
4. For every $10 accumulated, he will receive a discipline spanking (or be punished if warranted).

The benefit of this approach is the he receives immediate feedback and penalty when he is doing something that is not up to my expectations or satisfaction and I do not have to keep track of these things for the discipline session.  I also get a little bit of extra cash for myself :)  It is important to note that this is for discipline related items and not punishment.  If he does something unacceptable such as talking back to me or ignoring an order from me, then he will be immediately punished.

In my next post, I will explain the change with grocery shopping and also some additional items I talked to Thomas about regarding his allowance.

A Time For Change

In my last blog, I wrote about how New Year's is a good time to reflect upon your FLR and think about making changes for the new year.  I've got a head start on the New Year.  Call me inpatient but I could not wait for the New Year.  Both Thomas and I have been busy with work and other things lately, which has resulted in us not spending as much time together and not as focused on the Female Led aspects of the relationship.  My regular discipline sessions have been not so regular lately and I've been so tired at night that I'm usually in bed before Thomas gets to do his usual pampering of me.  While both of us miss these things, the good news is that the core of our FLR is intact and we both are anxious to spend more time together.  I am still the leader, and he obeys me.  He is keeping up with his routines and chores; although without my regular disciplines sessions a few things are slipping or not being done to my level of satisfaction.  So as the leader, I have taken a step back and decided to make a few changes to get us back on track.

I decided to make three changes.  First, I've inserted some control into the household finances.  Finances are one area that many femdom/FLR websites advise that the female take control over from men.   I have not done that in my marriage because Thomas is very good with finances and I trust him with our money.  I also love not having to think about bills.  He takes care of all the bills for me which is almost as good as being pampered. The reason I want to get involved in the finances now is more for fun.  Since this is an areas that he has control over (and he is a bit tight with the money) it will be fun taking some of that power from him.  I knew it would drive him deeper into submission to me and increase my control over him.  While I am doing this more for fun, I also know that this is one of those changes that will take our FLR relationship to a higher level.

The second change I made was to have him take over responsibility of food shopping.  I do all the cooking (and that will not change because I enjoy cooking) which is why I do the food shopping.   Frankly, I never trusted him to do the shopping. I know he would come home with the wrong things. However, the shopping has become more of a nuisance for me and so I've decided to make him do it to free up some of my time.  I decided to spend time training him on the food shopping.

The last change was around discipline.  With out busy schedules my every other week discipline sessions have not bee happening all of the tine.  Thomas is a very good slave husband for me but I find that without regular reminders and discipline he becomes forgetful and lazy.  I decided to eliminate the regular discipline sessions and institute a new technique which I call the discipline jar.  I will go into that more in my next post.

I decided to announce these changes to Thomas in classic domination style.  It was going to be a fun day for me and a mind blowing day for him.  I arranged for the kids to stay over night at my sisters.  I made my husband drive the kids to my sister's while I stayed home and prepared for the fun.  He of course had no idea what was in store for him.  All he knew was that we were having a date night together.

While he was gone I dressed for the part.  I put my hair into a bun, put on make-up , and perfume.Then I put on a garter belt and stockings and slipped on a black latex mini dress.  I do not wear this dress often, but when I do it drives him crazy.  For the occasion, I treated myself to a new pair of stiletto heels.  I also bought him a few new pairs of panties for the occasion.  I wrapped each pair in tissue paper and placed them into a pretty pink gift bag.  Then I poured myself a glass of wine and waited for him.  Wine helps relax me and put me in the mood.   My inhibitions run free after about two glasses.

When he walked in the door and saw me sitting in the living room in my latex dress, his jaw dropped and then he smiled with delight.  This was the reaction I expected.  He started to move toward me but I held my hand up and ordered him to stop and get naked.  His cock was hard even before all his clothes were off.  I expected this as well.

I made Thomas crawl to me and kiss my feet.  I could tell his mind already shifted into submissive mode.  The dress always has that effect on him. He knelt before me while I  drank my wine and teased his cock with my feet.  I wore no underwear and he was getting a clear view up my dress.  This was all part of the tease.  When I finished my glass of wine, I had him refill it and then kneel before me again.  I teased him a little more and then said the magic words, 'I think it's about time some things changed around here."

I've used those words before and he knows it means I am going to lay down new rules and he loves that.  It is like a fantasy come true for a submissive man.  I could almost feel him sink even deeper into submission, right before me.  If he were a dog, his tail would have been wagging with excitement.  I told him I bought a few gifts to celebrate the change.  I handed him the pink gift bag. The pink color of the bag was a dead giveaway of what was inside, but that's all part of the fun for me. As he unwrapped each pair of panties, I made him model them for me.  I commented on how pretty and sexy they were while I ran my hands over them and teased him.  By the last pair, he was so aroused he begged for an orgasm.  The answer was an obvious no.  I was pretty sure his mind was mush by now and he was in subspace.  I was also quite horny by then.  The last pair I told him to keep on.  They were white satin with pink bows.  So cute!

I pulled the panties down to his thighs and then grabbed his cock and led him to the bedroom.  In the bedroom I had him pull out all of his panties from his lingerie drawer and line them up neatly on the bed.  I had forgotten how many pairs he had.  I had him stand by the side of the bed and stare at his panty collection.  I hugged him from behind and teased his cock while I commented on how many panties he had.  I told him how girly he was and that his collection was even more sexy and pretty than my panties (and that was true).  I knew all this talk was arousing him and making him feel even more submissive.  My goal for the day was to totally turn his mind into mush. Since I got him three new panties, I picked out three old ones for him to throw away.  Then he neatly folded the rest and put them away.

By now, I was getting tired of wearing the latex dress.  I do not find it very comfortable.  I slipped out of it and layed next to him on the bed.   He spent some time pleasuring me and I teased him more.  Then I had him lay down and I teased him to the edge of orgasm several times.  If his mind was not mush before, I knew it was now.  It was the perfect time to bring up the financial. stuff.  While I lightly rubbed his cock, I asked if he was getting a raise soon.  He told me next month (I of course new that already).  Then I reminded him that the money he earned belonged to me and that it was not his money to spend; he agreed. I asked how much we was expecting to get.  When he told me I squeezed his cock warmly and told him how nice it was that he was earning more money for me.  Then I told him that when he got his raise, he was to show me the letter announcing his raise.  He would then immediately fill out a direct deposit form at work to have the amount of his raise deposited into my bank account each pay period.  I have a separate account which he does not have access to.  I rarely use it, but that is going to change :)

I told him he would continue to be responsible for managing the rest of the money and paying bills but that from now on his raises will go to me. I will use that money as I please.  I teased him more while I let that sink in with him. I could tell he was getting a thrill out of me exerting my control over him.  It did not take long before he was begging for an orgasm.  The answer of course was no.

After I had brought him to the edge and then teased him even more, I told him the same goes for his bonus.  We are fortunate that he gets a decent bonus each year.  I  told him I wanted to see his bonus statement when he got it and he would have to immediately transfer 100% of the bonus into my account.  He agreed, but I could sense some reservations in his tone. I expected and anticipated this.  I asked if he had a problem or concern with this.  He told me he didn't but that he typically uses some of the bonus to pay down a portion of our loans. I told him, that was not for him to decide anymore.  I would do what I want with the money.  I knew that was a powerful statement that would push him even deeper into subspace. I let it sink in with him while I teased him more and made sure he verbally agreed with it.  Then I acknowledged to him that he is very wise and prudent with our money and valued that.  I then told him that I would expect him to provide me with suggestions on how to use the bonus money.  He was not allowed to recommend and expenditures for himself.  In the past he would often buy something for himself as reward.  I brought up this topic and let him know that his reward was being married to me and serving me.  I would determine if he got any other rewards.  My strictness and firmness on this was part fantasy play.  I know my husband and I know these statements were awakening deep submissive feelings within him.  Feelings that he craves to experience. 

Well, suffice to say, after all the teasing and domination I was throwing at Thomas, he was a horney mess and was in subspace.  I had him hanging on the edge of orgasm and his mind was complete mush.  I hadn't even gotten to the other changes :).  Having him at my mercy and wrapped around my finger made me horney as well so I moved on top of him and queened him until I had an orgasm.

I will write about the rest of the changes in my next post.  After I wrote this post, I thought that perhaps I was too detailed and gave more information that needed and I thought about trimming it down.  However, after thinking about it more, I think that the detail is probably helpful for people to read as it can help give ideas or examples that can be used in your relationships.  I hope you agree.  My hope is that by sharing my experiences, it will help others build upon their FLRs and give real world examples that can be used or adapted to their own relationships.

-MzKaylee
 

Bringing in a New Year

As the new year approaches, it is a time where many people reflect on the past year and then set goals or resolutions for the new year. I would encourage you to do this with your Female Led Marriage/Relationship.  The New Year, provides a great excuse and fun reason for making changes and setting new goals with your partner.  Why not take time to reflect on how you are doing as the leader and how your partner is doing as the follower.  Perhaps you are not in a FLR but have been contemplating it.  The New Year is a good time to give it a try. 

As the leader take time to reflect on how well you are leading.  Do you need to be more confident and assertive?  Do you need to expect more out of your partner and be more strict?  Are you meeting his needs and keeping him motivated and happy? Have some of your routines and rituals been sidetracked; have they become meaningless and need to be changed up?  Perhaps you have gotten caught up in work and the day-to-day things and so your FLR has taken a back seat.  That is easy to happen but now is the time to get it back on track.  It is important to get it back on track. 

Think about what things you can do to take your FLR to the next level. Do not settle for status quo.  If he cleans the kitchen every day, what can he do to clean it even better? What will bring you closer together, make you happier, and make your marriage more fun?  Do you need more pampering?  Do you need to spend more time alone with your husband having fun (scheduled date nights are great).  I would suggest picking something new to try. For example, add routine spankings or discipline sessions or require your husband to kneel before you regularly.  Make him sleep naked. These are just ideas to provoke you thoughts. This is a good time to set new expectations and rules with your husband. 

Reflect about all these things and then set goals and plan to follow in the new year.  Write it all down.  If you are worried about someone finding what you write, no worries.  Write it all down and then tear it up after your are done with it.  If you write down your goals and plan it mentally prepares your mind and helps organize and cement your thoughts you will have a better chance of following through with them.  

Feel free to seek input from your husband.  Ask him to write down things he really likes about your current arrangement, his most memorable moment of the past year, and ask him to write down a 3 things he would love to try in the new year.  Use this information to craft your goals for the coming year.  Remember, you are only considering his input.  You do not need to act on everything he writes.  If he writes down a crazy idea, you can easily give him a direct 'no' to the idea or your could play into a bit and say 'maybe, I'll think about it." 

Announcing the new goals and expectations can be fun too.  Make him kneel before you while you announce the changes or lie beside him and tease him to the brink of orgasm while you whisper to him the new order in the household. Perhaps a spanking while you dictate the changes for the new year will help reinforce the important points.  Something I have don in the past with Thomas is leave him a note with all the rules and then we talk about them later.  He is always hard and aroused when he reads the note.  I find it quite humorous.    Again, these are just ideas to get the wheels turning in your head.

If you are the submissive in the relationship, spend time reflecting on your role.  How can you be more supportive and devoted to your wife in the coming year?  What can you do to make her life easier and make her happier?  What things can you do to make her feel like a Goddess?  Write all these thoughts and ideas down and put a plan in place to do them in 2016.

Are you happy and satisfied with how things are going?  If you are not happy, then you owe it to your wife to talk to her about it.  The conversation may be difficult, but if you are open and honest, it will be healthy for your relationship.  If you are happy, write her a note thanking her for being a great leader, Goddess. Mistress, or whatever term of endearment you use.  Do not ask anything of her. Simply thank her and tell her how excited you are about continue to serve and pamper her in the new year.

Whatever you do, I wish you all and wonderful and Happy New Year!

-Mz Kaylee

An Exception to the Rule

Last weekend Thomas and I had a fabulous spontaneous moment. It was a rare occurrence that both our kids were unexpectedly out of the house and Thomas was not in the middle of doing something and I was not busy with something.  We both had things to do that day but at the moment we were both free.  He joked at how we should take advantage of the moment.  I'm pretty sure he did not expect me to follow him to the bedroom.  In the bedroom, I sprawled out on the bed.  Suddenly I wanted him bad.  I know he wanted me because he always does.  That is part of the fun of keeping him horney all of the time.

He joined me on the bed and it did not take long for him to get me naked. His clothes came of quickly after mine.  I enjoyed having him ravish my body and soon he was on top of me.  It is rare that he is in this position.  I am always on top when we have sex.  I like it that way and with that position there is the obvious power exchange of having him beneath me.  Usually by now I would order him off of me or I would forcefully roll him over onto his back.  However, this time I did nothing.  The past few months have been so busy with work and other things that Thomas and I have not had a lot of time for fun. I was enjoying the moment and did not want to take charge.  I enjoyed having my husband make love to me.  He made me feel incredible.  There was no orgasm for him - that would have been too nice  :). 

So I made an exception to the rule; I allowed him to be on top during sex. I can do that because I am the one in charge.  I make the rules and I can break the rules. It was a very rare moment for him and for me and it was fantastic.  Sometimes exceptions to the rules are good.

-MzKaylee