Friday, December 22, 2017

Commanding Him To Cum

Commanding your husband to cum is a powerful and impactful action that builds your control over him and adds to his submissiveness. What better proof of your dominance over him than having him cum on command? Training and conditioning him to cum on command is easy to do and there are many techniques that you can use.

If you practice orgasm control you are already ahead of the game. I've written about orgasm control in my past posts but I've always focused on the teasing and denial aspects of it. In this post, I will focus on the orgasm. If you are practicing teasing and denial, you already know how to bring your husband to the edge of orgasm and if you've been doing it for awhile, you've probably mastered the art of bringing him to the edge over and over again and keeping there. When he is in a highly aroused state and focused on holding back his orgasm for you, having him cum on commands is easy. All you have to do is firmly order "cum for me" and simultaneously stroke his cock hard. Instant orgasm!  The three simple words are powerful. The last two words redirect his focus to you. He is cumning not because he wants to but because you want him to. Be sure that the tone of your voice is firm and commanding. It's the little things that make a big difference. You are sending a message to his mind that he is cumming for you and not for himself. This is much more powerful and impactful than simply allowing him to cum. In the past when Thomas asked for permission to cum, if I was going to allow it, I would respond with ,"yes, you can come." I have since changed my response to "cum for me."

It is a mind fuck for him as he is so focused on holding back his orgasm and then suddenly without warning, he is ordered to cum. Trust me, if you have him on the edge when you do this, the switch in his mind from holding back to releasing orgasm is instant and almost a natural immediate reaction. It is fascinating and I revel in the power that I can instantly bring him to orgasm at any moment.

You can try different variations with the command. Instead of ordering him with no warning at all, you can give him advance notice. You can tell him at the start of the teasing that you are going to let him orgasm but that he must not orgasm until you give the order. This present an even greater mind fuck for him because now he knows it is coming but just not when. As you tease him there is greater hope in his mind that this will be the moment he gets to orgasm. He will most likely get to the edge much quicker and find it harder to hold back. There is a much different set of emotions spinning through his head when he knows he can orgasm at some point compared to if he is holding back his orgasm as part of normal tease and denial. You can also give him a warning when the time is close.  For example, "I am going to let you cum in just a moment but just not right now...."  Watch how his arousal spikes when you say those words.

Another technique is giving him a count down to orgasm. This is a great mind game for him and also a good technique to use if you are new to teasing and denial and not quite familiar with the signs of when he is about explode. You simply tell him you are going to count him down to orgasm and when you get to 1 he can orgasm. When you reach 1, be sure to give him the firm command.  "5-4-3-2-1, cum for me!"  He will instantly cum at that moment! This is a fool proof option. Once you start the countdown his mind is completely focused on getting ready to cum. By the time you get to 3 or 2 he is ready to burst and can barely hold out for 1. A nice steady count down is a great way to condition him to cum on your command and he become very excited by your count down.

Once you have him trained well, you can have fun with the count down. You can start at 10 and do it very slowly to prolong the tease.  You could pause in between certain numbers and verbally tease him a bit about how close he is, how cute it is to see him straining, or how weak he is under your control.  The pauses will drive him insane. I do not recommend pausing at the lower numbers, unless you are feeling a bit cruel :)  It certainly would test his will power but there's a good chance he is past the point of no return and he may burst before you get to command him to cum. Another fun thing to do is stop stroking right before you command him to cum and watch him explode on his own.  Talk about the power of your words!  You can experiment with this and stop stroking on earlier numbers.  I've been able to stop stroking when I get to 3 and he still cums when I finish the count down and command him to cum. It's so much fun to watch and see him cum on command without any touching!  It's a big mind tease for him as well.

These techniques can be used with him masturbating instead of you stroking, or even during sex.  Be creative and have fun!

More on Power Words
As I indicated above it is a powerful action when you command him to cum for you versus just giving him permission to cum. Do not underestimate the power of your words.  Using the right words can multiply the arousing and submissive effect on him and can have a lasting impression. The difference between great sex and great femdom sex is that after awhile great sex is forgotten about but great femdom sticks in his mind year-after-year. Men do not forget those moments when you give them a great mind fuck.

You can play around with many words to enhance the experience of commanding him to cum. When you are in the heat of the moment, I am sure many words will come to mind naturally. Some phrases I have used are: "Cum for me slave," "cum for me Pet," and "Give me all of your cum." While he is cumming I may say things like, "Yes," "Good boy," or "That's right, cum for me." Another powerful command is "I am going to take all your cum from you." I love the dominance in this command. It is a fun command to use if you are going to allow him to orgasm during intercourse. This sends a clear message that you are in control and taking his cum. He has no choice.  You could follow the command with, "There's nothing you can do about it."

There are many possibilities with commanding him to cum. Be sure to be firm and confident when you give the command. When you combine this with orgasm denial, you will have a powerful orgasm control program in place that will clearly establish you as the one in control. Think about how powerful this is.....he never orgasms without your permission, you deny him orgasm as long as you wish, keeping his arousal high, and then the moment you want him to orgasm, you command it from him and his body instantly responds without thought. With you in complete control of his orgasm, he is under your thumb and deeply submissive.  A wonderful way to be, don't you think?


  1. You control the power or Power would be wasted ...
    Nice sharing, thanks.

  2. That was simply fantastic ...... Thank you!

  3. I am so glad you wrote about the "power of words". It is something I have thought more and more about lately. I notice certain simple words that I use and had not even really been aware of can have a HUGE effect on my husband. We have discussed this recently (as I noticed) and he admits this. I sometimes "girly him" a bit and will say simple things like "you are my sweet little girl.....aren't you"? and it undoes him. Like "freezes him". I notice when I make a point and then say "aren't you" - requiring him to agree with something (sometimes not flattering) that I have said it does this. He admits it "does something" to him. Also the words "for me" have a huge, huge effect. Not just with sex or orgasm though that as well. He says he has known this for a long time. So often you need to go to the store "for me", or "are you going to do the floors...for me"? He says he cannot explain it and that it is very, very deep - the feeling he gets. He says his Mom used to use the word "for me" when she assigned chores. Fascinating. But maybe the words "he" has the biggest reaction to are when I "girly" his name. I call him "sweetie" or "honey" or "princess". I also have a girls name that I have (thank you Kaylee!) learned to apply to him/her. These simple words seem to hit him in his core. He has a physical submissive reaction and it is amazing.

    1. That was also amazing Jessica B. Thank you for sharing your wisdom as well.

    2. Jessica B

      I love the enthusiasm and excitement in your last few posts and hope it is ok if Ishare some comments .

      I find that the one element that is common in nearly all Female led Relationships ,yet is rarely openly discussed, is the careful use and application of humiliation. Your words are absolutely powerful because they humble him and bring him deeper into a state of submission. In the simplest of terms the cause and effect that you are experiencing is a result of the strong emotions that he feels as he submits and accepts the humiliation of becoming “ girly” at your hands or being required to do things “ for you”.

      Now, I am not at all comfortable with the term or the idea of “ humiliation “ and I bet most of the women reading this blog will have similar feeling. However, I know from personal experience that submission always comes with some level of humiliation even if the husband remains prideful and masculine. It seems that as a woman becomes more comfortable in her position of power she begins to recognize that humiliation play strips away any illusions that the husband my hold as to who is truly in control. The acts you describe change a relationship in a way that can never be undone and will forever subjugate him to your control. Over time, even if his desire to live in a FLR fades , the stark mental images of past play will never allow him to be your equal much less assert control .Your comment“He has a physical submissive reaction and it is amazing” describes the power and effect that humiliation has on men when applied in a manner that elevates you and crushes his pride and ego. I have no idea why moments like this are so fulfilling but I can tell you the effect is incredible and like no other experience. It some ways, it is cleansing and provides a level openness and clarity to the relationship that few couples ever experience .

      Best regards

    3. Great comment. I know I'm verbally driven and it drives me wild when she says things like, "good boy" when I'm clearly a full grown man. Puts me into a deep sub-space.

      Related, I know EXACTLY how she wants me to penetrate her, but I just love it when she TELLS me, like she has some command power authority over me and it's all about her. Love that.

    4. Jess,
      The power of words is amazing, but the power of femininity is more amazing. Cheers!

  4. "With you in complete control of his orgasm, he is under your thumb and deeply submissive. A wonderful way to be, don't you think?"


  5. I don't permit my husband to cum inside of me, and the last time he was allowed to ejaculate he had to do so, naked, in front of me as I sat fully clothed on the couch directing him.

    1. I would say a man's most important sex organ is his tongue. His other organs are overrated. Train him with a lollipop! It's great tongue exercise he'll be needing later on!

    2. Haha that's what my toes are for...but I certainly agree. And that was sort of the ultimatum that lead us here. I told him that sex with him, and his penis, wasn't doing much for me and that he'd have to learn a new set of rules to stay in my bed.

    3. gasp!! Females rule!!!!!!

  6. John,

    Very interesting observations. I think I get it. I do see that with some humiliation it is a uniquely connecting experience for me and my husband and it is hard to explain and even describe.

    1. I think there's a biological reason for that.
      Let me explain.
      Biology decided that there is such a thing as a Dominant and a submissive sex. You can also call it a Superior and inferior sex but some people are not comfortable with those words because unfortunately they are linked in their head with historical events that are actually a misrepresentation of the good kind of Superior and inferior.

      Anyway, that means that in many ways biology actually encourages interactions in which Females, the Dominant sex, dominate males. From hormones to who is the gorgeous sex, to who can multi task and has in general more brain related activities, evolution is geared towards Femdom.

      My Aunt Petunia always said nature gave men an uglier voice so that they learn to be quiet most of the time. When she would say that, my uncle used to blush in all shades of red, and he'd be more quiet afterwards. But he also acted like a teenager in love when reminded of his place with that or other maxims my aunt would use. Sadly, both passed away, but not before my aunt told me all about Female Domination.

      I think the reason humiliating your husband connects you to him is because although people have horrible associations of the terms Superior and inferior, you are biologically Superior to him and he relishes that, and he relishes his inferiority to you. When both of you play those natural roles you can be more authentic and connect better. There are no harsh feelings, there is no abuse, and love actually permeates the whole interaction. The Dominance is just natural, and if you remove the bad associations you'd find that it's just like when people actually like the little pain of doing exercise or the amazing feeling of releasing some adrenaline. Although you could equate it with other bad experiences that produce pain or the same hormones, the situation of it being through exercise is something evolution encourages and we love it and nothing is wrong with it. The same with the natural Superiority and Dominance of Women over the inferior and submissive male sex.

  7. Kaylee,

    How's the new year coming along? Any new year resolutions?

  8. I beg Mistress to NOT let me cum. When she commands it, I beg her to not make me cum. I love riding the edge and know that I am going to have a huge post-orgasm letdown so when she does make me cum, I am so defeated.

  9. Hi,

    I would like to ask a question in this blog and if you are kind enough to post about your thoughts I'll be thankful, as I think this is a very straightforward but important question.

    What are your (or anyone who wants to answer's) motives for liking Femdom?

    And, as a follow up question, do you think the motives of Women and males to like Femdom are the same or different?

    I can talk a lot about my own motives, but I think if I were to summerize them a lot, it's mainly about very, very, very intimate love. I think this "complete surrender" idea is really about "complete trust". I think this "Women are superior" idea is about adoration of the Female, but then it becomes necessarily two way because love is always both ways. And I think there's a lot more I can say, but it boils down to just very deep intimacy and love.

  10. For me it is a number of things and the list seems to be growing. But the shortest way I can say it is "intimacy" and "vulnerability". I believe my husbands natural submissiveness brings him very close to me and I think we have a closer bond than many "vanilla" (or what I think are vanilla) couples

    1. Hi Jess,

      Thank you for your answer. I really like what you say and it's pretty much what I like about Femdom too. I think, also, that those elements of intimacy and vulnerability are lived in a gorgeous, nice way in the Femdom community more than in the general BDSM community. I don't think they are particular only to Femdom but the community just is more geared towards them.

      I'd also like to ask you, as a Dominant Woman, is there anything specific that you like of your roll that you'd share with us? Many Women approaching the lifestyle feel at first some sort of disconnection and even guilt at the idea of being Dominant. Is there anything you want to tell those Women?

  11. Control the libido and you control the man