Follow-up To Redirecting His Sexual Energy

Below is a well thought out follow-up response from Mike on my last post. One of the concepts I introduced in my post was the idea that pleasure for the submissive male comes from many things other than intercourse. Mike provides good examples of how this has worked for him. I am glad he shared his experience with this as it is not always an easy concept to understand for those new to the lifestyle. His examples below provide real world examples of how the dynamic works. Thanks Mike for your contribution.  -Mz Kaylee

Here is Mike's response:

Mz Kaylee's last post, " "Redirecting His Sexual Energy", had great points that I made astounding connections. I thought I could share a little of my personal experience and perhaps others may find similarities. One big take away  was written in bold.

His sexual pleasure comes from being controlled, being mentally fucked, and pleasuring and obeying her. That is his sex. 

I find this to be a very solid truth in our marriage.  She also mentioned that there may be less sex than in a traditional marriage but more intense and impactful sex. I think other people posted similar experiences and I would probably agree wholeheartedly.

I may even go a step further and say that in our WLM, sex isn't a major foundational component or driving force of the relationship. Originally, sex was a main reason why we decided to enter a WLM. There were too many arguments and disappointments regarding sexual expectations prior to a WLM. We were at the point that sex was given at an obligation.

Now, I'd say the major foundation of our WLM is my wife's authority, leadership, the mind fuck, as Ms Kaylee described.  I don't think the mind fuck exists without that inner need to feel that arousal. I'd like to add the arousal I get from pleasing my wife is a driving force of my obedience.  "Sex" is the arousal of all things done to please her. In addition, my loyalty, trust and submissiveness to follow is expected and is given. Her natural sense to be in charge quickly became utilized for this lifestyle as that was the avenue she could mostly be herself.

I'll also put it this way. If we were to go back to the traditional marriage sex aspect, she may tolerate it and the relationship may be ok. However, if we took away her authority in the household and I was not submissive, I'd question how well our marriage would survive.  This is how much more of a driving force her leadership is as a backbone to our marriage.
I have theoretically 10 opportunities to please and satisfy her throughout the day, 7 days a week. I'm referring to these little tasks given such as making her coffee and breakfast, doing her laundry, cleaning the dishes, grocery shopping. These are times she expresses her power and for her to see that I follow her lead.  This is arousing for me and gratifying for her.  With that being said, sex only provides only one aspect to contribute to that balance. On the flip side, we don't have sex 10 times a day, 7 days a week. I'm sure someone would say to just give her 10 orgasms everyday. But that 7 days a week isn't very practical. At least not for us :)  So there are residual effects when following my daily duties and her giving me commands.

What has become more apparent is that sex is not FOR me. Sex is for my wife. While I thoroughly enjoy it, I do not have a say in when, how, how long, how fast to thrust, to cum etc. I'm left hard and wanting more, yet satisfied. The wife controls all and gets all the orgasms.  This is quite the change before we started a WLM.  I had sex when I had an urge for an orgasm and controlled all aspects and got that release each time.

I'm not stating sex is less important. But it has its place and there are other ways to please and satisfy and pleasure my wife that rank higher on the list. As Ms Kaylee wrote in bold, our daily sex that matters more is the mind fuck that continually reignites with all the serving.
Everytime she expresses her power and authority, it sends an impulse of arousal that keeps me submissive and under her control. Recently, there were erroneous charges on a credit card I had.  She was able to resolve the charges.  However, upon telling me this, she stated that since I was irresponsible, I would not have a credit card to use anymore.  This was an expression of her power and authority that was exhilirating and arousing.  This is her preferred method to keep me in check. Now that I think about it, she is clear in decions that would directly benefit her. This is true on directions with cleaning, making breakfast, laundry etc. Although, the majority of my tasks are expected and aren't daily stated at this point.

Regarding sex, it simply has become another way to serve her and give her pleasure. I don't receive cock teases, edging, corner time, or maintenance sessions, or kinks as these don't directly pleasure her. She doesn't get aroused by those and just isn't her way or fit her style. When she wants sex, it seems like she primarily wants her orgasms, after some time from the last one has passed and needs her urge satisfied. 

The other day, I had some time between activities and enjoying some quiet time in the bedroom. Moments before, she mentioned she was going to start on her DIY home decor project and didn't need me. Unexpectedly and to my surprise she came into the room, said to take off my pants. I did as I was told. Not much speaking occurred from that point. She clearly wanted her orgasms. No kissing, no foreplay. I'm given direction to give her oral or penetration.  After she had a few orgasms, she says she's had enough, says thank you, gets dressed and goes back to her home decor project. I'd say that's typically how our "sessions" go. My cock or mouth is a tool to give her what she wants. We do connect and it's intense, yet my role is simple and with one purpose. 

If my wife was asked, "what do you like most about your WLM?" I'm certain it wouldn't be about sex. She admits she likes being in control. If I were asked the same, or how can I make it better, I also wouldn't say anything about sex. I'd like to find more ways to better take her daily directions. I know this is an unpopular thought but this is why we don't view my full blown orgasms as exciting and and something to look forward to.  Or why having one in her also doesn't benefit her. I hope the insight on what we / she likes best about a WLM isn't really what most may like, sex. It's the empowerment she receives. My full orgasms infringes and corrupts, to a degree, the balance she is able to consistently control me and keep me in my place. 

During one session, I could tell she was in the mood to have big orgasms, so I brought her dildo to use. It is much larger than me and she thoroughly enjoyed the orgasms. Afterwards, she said she felt bad for enjoying the bigger, longer cock and me not being as involved. I told her she shouldn't feel bad and that I really enjoyed watching her get fucked by a larger dick. They are her orgasms to have and should do so more often as she pleases. She realized as did I, that my cock wasn't sufficient or adequate for what she wanted. And I'm not insecure by it. Sex she gives and allows me to have with her is a privelage and doesn't necessarily need me to get her orgasms. I know my role and my servitude under her leadership plays a more vital and valuable role than what my cock or mouth provide.  And I believe that is just at pleasing or satisfying to her as much if not more, than the sex I give her. I laugh a little, all of this may have " cuckold" all over it.  Today, I'm tasked with finding a certain seasoning/ spice at the grocery store. She'll be happy if I bring it home. She'll be disappointed if I do not. I wish to please her. I'm more concerned and thrilled with successfully completing her request more than being concerned if she wants a bigger cock than mine. Isn't that mind blowing?

Lastly, controlling the masturbating was tough. We both love to exercise. She's in an intense gym workout group and I do weight lifting, and running 4 to 5 days a week. I'm sure some of our sexual energy gets dispersed from exercise. It does for me. And perhaps she likes it as it helps controls my impulses. I would recommend people that struggle with masturbating to find something physical to do such as gardening, home projects, walking etc.  This was pivotal in keeping my mind off my dick and to put that energy elsewhere.

It's almost ironically and ridiculously sounding to have a WLM. We're essentially telling a guy, " you may have less sex, less orgasms, less say decisions, no masturbating, but have the most rewarding relationship ever." :)

I'm sure my story may sound strange and peculiar? 

Hope all is well

-Mike

Redirecting His Sexual Energy

We all know that males overflow with sexual energy. It's like the moment they first discovered sexual pleasure in their adolescence, it ignited an endless volcano of sexual desire. It seems virtually impossible for men to contain it. Erections are rampant, porn addictions are common, crude sexual jokes and comments never get old with men, and men are always looking to get laid or dreaming about it. Their sexual energy is constant and radiates from every inch of their bodies. I usually don't like to generalize about people but in this case I think it's appropriate. Sure, some guys are better at managing it on the surface, but I'm pretty sure what I described above fits 99% of guys to some degree. Guys, if you disagree feel free to voice your opinion but first make sure you read this entire post so you understand my complete thinking on this topic.

I am convinced that men are hard wired with constant sexual energy. It is in their nature. The challenge is that not all women are prepared to meet this level of sexual energy and most men do not have women at their beck and call to quench their energy. At a young age, a female partner is not even an option for boys. It almost seems cruel that puberty starts at such a young age for boys. The result is that boys and teenagers resort to chronic masturbation and porn. Sexual jokes and inappropriate public behavior also come into play and are signs of their sexual energy spilling over; symbolic of their desperate pleas for sex. When they finally do reach a point where they have a meaningful relationship with a woman, they've already formed these bad habits. These bad habits continue into the relationship unless something (or someone) forces things to change.

The Married Masturbating Man
Let's fast forward to marriage. Ladies, whether you know it or not, you husband is masturbating and looking at porn and probably doing some of the other items mentioned above. Unless you have already grabbed the bull by the horns and put a stop to it, it's happening. Masturbating is not necessarily a bad thing. For single guys it's a normal part of life. A guy needs to release his sexual energy on a regular basis, especially younger guys. For married guys, it's also a release when they are not getting enough sexual attention from their wife. I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that that majority of married men and men in committed relationships have a much higher sex drive and need for sex than their partner. I know it's not true for every couple, but it is a common problem. Therefore masturbation is a way for them to release that sexual energy while still staying faithful to their partner.

While I see masturbation as acceptable in a traditional marriage, it can become destructive and I see it as wasted energy. Masturbation becomes destructive when it consumes the husband's sex life. If he is spending more time fantasizing about other women and masturbating, compared to the intimate and quality time he is spending with his wife, then it is a problem. There are many reasons why this could happen, some of which could be the fault of the husband and some could be the fault of the wife. I don't not intend to get into the 'why' discussion in this post. Instead I'd like to discuss how to prevent it or change it. You see, un-monitored masturbation is wasted energy that has little benefit to the wife. In a WLM, the wife should put a stop to her husband's self-masturbation and redirect his sexual energy to her.

The first step is to call him out on it and lay down the law that he is not allowed to masturbate without permission. The second step is to take control of his orgasms. No orgasms without your permission. He must always ask for permission to orgasm. You (the wife) decide when and how he orgasms - no exceptions.  By implementing these two steps, you are redirecting all his sexual energy toward you and away from random masturbation and fantasizing about other women. This  gives you an exciting power over him. Since you are the one that holds the key to his orgasms, he will start to bend over backwards to please you in order to get an orgasm.

Orgasm control also forces a mental shift in the male mind and puts you at the center of his attention. What I have heard from my husband and other guys is that, when under orgasm control, fantasies still run wild in their head. In fact, when you incorporate orgasm denial, the fantasies becomes even more frequent and more wild. However, the fantasies start to evolve around you and not other women. Take a moment to pause and think about the effect of that on your husband. Suddenly you are the center of his fantasy and he is fantasizing about you frequently - probably daily. It's no doubt that his fantasies involve you dominating him in some extreme way.  Put all this together with orgasm control and no masturbation without permission, and the result is that his arousal is constant and his mind is sinking deeper into submission to you.  Not just submission but submission to you. It's very powerful and it is real.

Managing His Sexual Energy
Once you put orgasm and masturbation control into effect, your work is not done. You can't just implement these rules and then do nothing and expect him to always be a perfect little subbie for you (that would be nice, wouldn't it!). His mind will be going wild by not being allowed to orgasm or masturbate. You need to monitor and manage him on an ongoing basis in order to keep him obedient and focused on you. This is especially important when your first start out.

The monitoring is about being in tune with his emotions and mind set. Pay attention to his mood, attitude, and horniness. If you are seeing large mood swings or he starts to become very needy or annoying, then it's probably a sign that he needs an orgasm to release all that built up tension and emotion caused by orgasm denial. Too much denial and restriction can back fire on you and de-motivate him.

If he is super horny...perfect! He is in a weakened state of mind and ripe for having your way with him. This is when you have the most power and influence over him so have fun Goddesses! When orgasm control is done right, he is in a constant state of arousal and always at your mercy. That is the result of you harnessing all that wasted energy from masturbation and using it to create value for you!

In addition to monitoring his state of mind, you need to manage his sexual energy on an ongoing basis with the objective of keeping him in a steady horny state. Keeping him in this state of mind keeps him focused on you and keeps him productive and obedient for you. The work it takes to manage his sexual energy pays off in dividends for you.

Think of it as keeping a warm campfire burning.  A nice steady fire on a cool night feels great. If you stand a few feet away you feel a comforting and pleasant warmth. That is his steady state arousal. However, the fire is not going maintain its warmth on its own. You need to add some fuel to the fire to keep it going. Every now and then you have to throw some wood on the fire to keep it burning. The great thing about submissive men is that there are lots of sources of fuel for their sexual energy. A few minutes of cock teasing stokes the fire. Ordering him to orally pleasures you causes an inferno. When a guy is in his steady aroused state, simply taking a strict tone or ordering him to do something can fuel his sexual energy. With my husband, all I need to do speak to him or question him in a commanding tone and *boom!* his arousal spikes. Something as easy as ordering him to clean the bedroom or kneeling before me starts an erection growing in his pants.

There are so many ways to stoke the fire. The bigger the log, the more combustible the fuel, the more sexual energy and arousal you get. Intense teasing sessions, sex, domination and fantasy play are all highly combustible fuels. If I do any of these with Thomas, his arousal is a raging fire and the effect lasts for days. Not only does his arousal intensify; his submission, obedience, and loyalty to me intensifies. The smart wife, recognizes this and leverages it to benefit her.

With your husband, if you set a goal to throw at least one log in the fire each day to fuel his sexual energy, then you'll always have a nice warm fire to enjoy. Just a few minutes a day will keep his arousal flowing. Sometimes, I will just tease his cock long enough to get him hard and then stop.  That's all he gets for the day!  If you can drop more then one log on the fire in a day or do one of the more intense activities to get his energy raging, that is even better. A good goal is to incorporate the more intense item at least once a week.

Keeping the Fire Burning
These are just guidelines. Everyone is different and requires different levels of attention to get results. Some of you may already be doing these types of things more frequently and other women may struggle to keep up with the guidelines I provided. You may have days or weeks where you don't do anything because other things in life get in the way. It happens to all of us. If you are new to WLM, it can be challenging to manage all this because fueling his sexual energy is not something your used to doing. It is a new focus for you and requires forming new habits and routines. It can be challenging also because the effects on him of not doing it are not always visible to you. You can't see the struggles for attention and craving to be dominated and controlled that he is wresting with inside his mind and so for you it easy for all this to be out of sight, out of mind. To get the most out of your WLM, that traditional way of thinking needs to change. You need to be tuned into his sexual energy and always be monitoring and managing it. A few days missed is not a big deal. When it turns to weeks, the husband usually starts to lose focus and become frustrated or depressed and that's when the bad behavior or laziness starts.

If you struggle to keep up with managing his sexual energy (I did for many years), the key is to set the goal of doing it and never lose sight of the goal. Establishing routines also helps you stick with it. Stay in tune with your husband's attitude and behavior. If you notice you are losing some of the warmth from the fire, then do something to fuel it back up again. There were many times with Thomas, where I almost let the fire go out and when I realized that, it upset me. What I learned is that with submissive men (or at least with Thomas), it is so easy to ignite the fire again. One moment of domination and it's like pouring kerosene on the hot ashes. Instantly the flames rise up and his submissive fire is burning hot again, like nothing ever changed. If you find yourself in a situation where things are going south because you've not been dominant or sexual for sometime, no worries. Spend a night being dominant with him and re-iterating your expectations of his obedience to you and he will be thrilled and right back under your thumb!

Concluding Thoughts And Call To Action
In a traditional marriage, sex is an event and masturbation is left unchecked. There is no attention paid by the wife to the constant sexual energy that flows within her husband. What makes a WLM, different is that the wife recognizes this sexual energy and takes control of it in order to mold him into an obedient and loyal submissive. Sex for the submissive man is not just an event. It is special privilege that must be earned and is managed by the wife. Sex to the submissive man evolves into something completely different. His sexual pleasure comes from being controlled, being mentally fucked, and pleasuring and obeying her. That is his sex. It is constant arousal with a few burst of intense pleasure thrown in every now then. The submissive man does not have physical sex and orgasm as much as a man in a traditional marriage but his sex life is much better and more intense because his wife is constantly stoking his arousal and sexual energy. Most guys that experience this never want to go back to the traditional way.

For all my fellow Goddesses out there, if you have not done so already, take control of your man's orgasms right now and put a stop to his uncontrolled masturbation. This will focus his attention on you. Manage his orgasms and don't let his sexual energy go to waste. Invest time into it to gain control over him so that you can benefit from his submissive needs and desired. He will love it and you will have him wrapped around your finger.

-Mz Kaylee





















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More on Profiles

I am impressed with the profiles that have been submitted thus far. It is wonderful to learn background information on each of you and to hear you experiences in your WLM. I believe hearing these things help others validate that they are moving down the right path with WLM and that there are many people who share the same feelings as they do and experience the same challenges in the WLM journey. You can see there are both similarities and differences in how couples approach their WLM. There is a lot of great advice embedded in the profiles. I encourage you all to read through the profiles.

I also want to point out that there are comments in the profiles and a few of you have posted comments. If you've written a profile, you may want to check back every now and then to see if anyone has commented. Feel free to reply to comments posted on your profile, but it's purely up to you if you want to do so. 

Finally I want to encourage everyone to submit profiles of your own. The profiles and a template for doing a profile is on the right side of the blog. If you've submitted a profile and don't see it, let me know.  I've published all profiles that have been submitted.

Thanks and stay safe everyone!

-Mz Kaylee

Guest Post: "Accept-Become-Enjoy" by Khorina

I thought I'd share the "method" I use that has worked wonders for increasing my submission: "Accept-Become-Enjoy". It is based on something I saw years ago, "BEST Slave Training", but I removed the "kinky" parts as they don't apply to my Queen.

Nothing complicated: "Accept" is about identity, about rebuilding the sub's identity as a sub to deeply accept submission at his core; "Become" is about really becoming useful for Her, excelling in the tasks She expects; "Enjoy" is about enjoying service as the reward, truly NOT waiting for anything else.

The key to me is "accept". In my mind, subs that do this for sexual pleasure are still being self-centered & sooner or later that shows. For me this has been the most difficult part, I "desired" to accept but deep inside myself I was still "me". True submission implies a rebuilding of one's identity, as scary as it sounds. But in a trust relationship, this is not difficult, as the other person loves and cares. For us, the issue was religion. Queen is very religious, and I thought I was "neutral' but really deeply thought religion was lies. I went through some cycles of submission but true submission was about rebuilding my identity as a sub and accepting religion as a fundamental part of myself.

Fortunately, religion has ways to facilitate this conversion, this deep identity change. I still see myself "trying" from the beginning, going to conversion retreats but the "old me" just stopping real change. I fantasized about conversion, yet once I was in the perfect environment to "break" my old self (one very appealing to subs, by the way) I would close myself. But I did notice some progress, at least in submission: I did wanted to convert for Her. Through enough cycles and fighting my tendency to close, years ago I started to become a new person that accepted Her authority in all aspects of life, including religion. Yesterday was such a beautiful example of the "accept-become-enjoy": we had a very spiritually intimate night of worship, and I could be of service by doing all the tasks/chores to free ourselves to do it. Queen & myself enjoying each second of it. My reward was to enjoy the activity itself from my very inside, something beautiful. No expectancy of sex, kissing or worship of Queen as rewards. We, as desired by Queen, are going through an abstinence time; with pregnancy not being an option & having experienced the limitations of natural planning, no sex forever is very possible. That enjoyment goes to worship, to service, to friendships that Queen appreciates. Yes, i deeply renounced to "serve Karen" or people that I found dominantly attractive, my enjoyment being only in worship, service and appropriate friendships. 

"Become" is of course really important too: submission shows in tasks. This morning I had a lovely exchange of messages with a friend of my Queen. I also did my chores & have been working, but made room to go the extra mile and grab notes from a video that my Queen enjoyed. One of my goals is to perfect every day my service to Queen. Being useful is as fundamental to me as being obedient. "Become" is a never ending task, there is always room for becoming better.

So I've gone through these cycles for years, and it has been very effective. The latest cycles have been more about "become-enjoy" given that the acceptance part is very established. Emotions-Self Image & Thoughts aligned in an identity. In our case, it's God on top, Queen and then me: just as Queen wouldn't think of offending God, I wouldn't think of offending Her. 

I wish others knew of the richness of letting Women lead. I think I was conditioned the other way but I'm really thankful for my Queen and my path to become Hers.

khorina