Behavior Modification - Continued. Pacifier Training

Before, I get into the next phase of Thomas's training, I want to point out something that I should have in the previous post. MK left a comment on my last post that reminded me that gags cause a lot of drool. Something I learned in researching what gag to buy was that drooling is actually what many dominants want as it adds to the humiliation of the sub. My goal with the training was not to cause Thomas to drool but was about having something forced into his mouth so that he could not talk. I also read that gags can be very uncomfortable and should not be worn for long periods of time. Many sites recommended no more than 20 minutes. This would not meet the needs of my training so I did not buy a traditional gag. Instead I bought the Tantus Beginner Ball Gag pictured below. This is a very small bag and so it was not painful to wear and caused minimal drool. The gag actually did not get rave reviews because of how small it was and many considered it not be a real gag.  However, it was perfect for what I wanted to accomplish.

Pacifier Conditioning

In my last post, I  shared how I used a small gag to train my husband at doing better with no talking on silent days.  I'll refer to the next phase of his training as Pacifier Conditioning because the objective is to use a pacifier to remind and condition him not to talk on silent days. In addition to no talking on silent days, I also planned to use the pacifier to condition him to only speak to me with purpose or to compliment me or say things that are positive and uplifting. This would be a long-term permanent behavior change to teach him to never waste my time with useless information or information that I do not care about (you guys are good at spewing useless information to us). If you recall, in my last post I mentioned that I purchased 2 adult baby pacifiers - 1 blue pacifier and 1 pink pacifier.

I chose the next Saturday (after his gag training) to start the conditioning. After my coffee Saturday morning, I had him strip naked, put on his pink sissy panties, and kneel before me with his hands behind his back. I enjoy seeing him in this submissive position. I chose to use the pink pacifier because the baby girl theme added additional humiliation that I knew would get his arousal going. I ordered him to open his mouth and then I pushed it into his mouth. I let him know that similar to the gag, I was the only one allowed to remove it. I giggled seeing him with the pacifier and teased that he was my cute baby girl. I explained that the pacifier would be a regular part of his submissive life  going forward. On every silent day (or night) he would be required to wear the pacifier at the start of the day or night as a mental reminder of him to remain silent. I would decide when it would be removed and once removed it would be up to him to remain silent unless I asked him a direct question. If he spoke inappropriately the pacifier would go back in his mouth. This rule would be in effect forever, unless I decide otherwise. I also explained that if I felt the pacifier was being used too much, then I would go back to the ball gag training. 

I did not tell him yet about using the pacifier to condition him to be purposeful in what he says to me. We have talked about this concept in the past but I've never enforced it. I felt the pacifier would be a great method to enforce purposeful talking. However, I first wanted to condition him to not talk on silent days. I really enjoy taking a slow and methodological approach to training and conditioning him. It ensures he is trained properly and it is also exciting for him to have new trainings added over time. As he had confessed to me many years ago, slowly being molded and influenced by my feminine power was a huge erotic rush for him.

On that first Saturday, I had him wear the pacifier for about 40 minutes. I figured that was enough to get his mind focused on being silent.  I might add that his cock remained hard for most of that 40 minutes. He did good at being quiet the rest of the day. There was only one time where he forgot to be quiet and asked me a question. As soon as he asked the question, her realized his mistake and put his hand up to his mouth and said he was sorry. I smiled and said "too late." I pulled the pacifier out of my pocket and pushed it into his mouth and sent him to kneel in the corner for 5 minutes. After corner time I again commented at how cute the baby girl pacifier looked in his mouth and that it matched his pink panties. His cock was hard again. lol! I made him keep it in for another 20 minutes. This type of conditioning with the pacifier has continued for the past few weeks and will continue without end. I've been implementing silent times at least once a week, either at night or on the weekend.

With the silent talking training done and the pacifier conditioning implemented, my last step was to implement the purposeful taking training. I chose to introduce this about three weeks after I first pushed the pink pacifier into his mouth. One night when my husband was rambling about work, after about 5 minutes of aimless talk, I shushed him and told him I did not want to hear anymore. Like a good boy, he immediately clammed up. I then had him follow me to the bedroom and kneel. I think he was surprised when I pulled out the blue pacifier and shoved it into mouth. I then gave him "the talk" about how he needs to learn to only talk to me about important things and things that add value to my life. I made it clear that I did want him to tell me if there was something of concern to him or if he needed to vent to me about something. That was important to me.  However, I instructed him that as a Goddess, I should not be bothered with aimless rambling. Going forward, I would use the pacifier to train and condition him to only speak with purpose. It would start with him having to wear the pacifier if I felt he was wasting my time. If over time, he did not become better at speaking with purpose, in addition to him wearing a pacifier, a punishment would be added. He silently nodded that he understood and of course....his cock was bulging in his pants. I made him wear the pacifier for 30 minutes that night.

The pacifier conditioning has been a lot of fun for me. I found myself looking for opportunities to push it into his mouth because it was so much fun to silence him. I think one of the most surprising moments for him was when he was driving me to his parents house, He began rambling during the drive and I pulled the pacifier out of my purse and put it in his mouth. He was shocked that I had the pacifier with me. I think he was also a little embarrassed to be driving in public with a pacifier in his mouth. I had a good laugh and told him, "Don't worry, it's dark out. No one can see you."

He is doing much better at being quiet on silent days.  Having the pacifier in his mouth at the start of the silent period, even it is for just 10 minutes, helps shift his mental state into silent mode, and if he starts to slip up, well then he'll be wearing it longer. I also have him wear the pacifier sometimes when he massages me, just for fun. I enjoy putting it in his mouth and seeing him wearing it. I am also excited about the longer-term conditioning of having him speak with purpose or to compliment me. I intend to eventually expand this to when he talks with other people. If I hear him rambling to others (especially females) or saying stupid or inappropriate things, then he will be wearing the pacifier on the ride home. I always keep one in my purse and I purchased another to store in the glove compartment of the car. This is a work in progress and I find it exciting that I am using my dominance to mold him. 

-Mz Kaylee.

Never Too Old To Learn Something New (Guest post by Edward)

A good submissive is one that makes himself useful and valuable to his owner/wife. The more useful he becomes to her, the more easy it is for her to enjoy and embrace the FLR/WLM lifestyle. It is not all about sexual domination. The guest post below demonstrates this perfectly. I love the new skill that Edward is developing and refining, as well as the training method employed.  -Mz Kaylee 

 Never Too Old To Learn Something New

by Edward

About eight months ago, I was sitting in the family room watching a show on Netflix, while my wife was sewing up a tear she had put into the leg of her blue jeans.  I casually mentioned to her that I had seen a documentary named “The True Cost” produced in 2015.   I pointed out to her that many people just literally donate clothes to recycle stores with only minor tears, and many are donated after being worn once, or not even at all.  I had also learned the term Fast Fashion from that documentary.  She became interested, and we ended out watching it together.  It literally floored her at the volume of used clothes that these second

hand stores can’t deal with, and they get shipped off to foreign nations, and ultimately burnt over there, because they don’t want them either.

This got her thinking about something while we were watching the television.  She started questioning, why if her husband is supposed to be doing all the household work, then why is she the one sewing up her own jeans?  At the end of the program, she told me I would be learning how to sew..…by hand.

That weekend, the two of us went to our local Goodwill store, where I asked if we could search through their discard bins for clothes that were too far gone for them to sell.  I had planned to tell them I was looking for stuff to cut up for shop rags.  But my wife told them I was needing practice material to learn how to sew.   My wife picked out my practice clothes for me, to be sure I got variety.   We left with three garbage bags packed full of half destroyed jeans, shirts missing buttons, T-shirts, Ladies skirts, and clothes with separated seams etc.  These were all to be repaired, and practiced on by me every night by hand.

I’ve learned how to properly use a stitch remover to tear out a seam, and close it evenly again.   I’ve cut off the bottoms of many jean legs, and sewed in the hem, and learned to measure to keep both leg hems even.  She started me off with old jeans.  I would cut off an inch from the bottom, and sew in the hem.   Put in the hem, then cut my stitches, tear it right back out, and put it in again.  Hem, remove, measure, pin, stitch, remove, then repeat over, and over.  This is how I learned to alter pants evenly, with even stitches.  I certainly learned the importance of good quality, sharp scissors.  Next it was onto bringing in, and letting out the waist on endless pairs of discarded pants.  

From there, she advanced me to altering the waist on skirts, measuring, and hemming women’s pants.  I’ve also removed all the buttons from countless shirt fronts and cuffs then immediately sewn them back on.  This taught me how to place buttons evenly, and secure them well.  I believe I have completed every kind of fabric repair I can imagine.  I’m much better at hitting the eye of the needle with the thread now.  I learned patience, and frustration control through all of this. Patience was rigidly enforced by my wife, when I began removing, and sewing in skirt zippers again, and again.  Rotating through five skirts, I removed, and put the zipper back in multiple times on each.  Each night after my minimum two hours of sewing practice, I was to end smiling, and content.  Occasionally on a weekend, she allows me to put off the regular housekeeping, and practice my sewing for up to six hours.  Again, I’ve been ordered to end in a good mood, or else.

I’ve learned so much about thread.  There’s general purpose, Polyester, Rayon, and Nylon, just to name a few.  Thread weight, 40, 50, 60 etc, then there’s matching the thread content to my fabric content.  Next is choosing the proper needle for each particular job.  A year ago, I knew none of this.  I can now do the running stitch, backstitch, blanket stitch, ladder stitch, Herringbone, and flat fell stitches, and know which are appropriate in what situation.   We went to the fabric store together the first time to pick up some thread that my wife didn’t have.  But now I’m going in alone.  Given that most husbands never enter a fabric store, the staff now know me by name.

Once I’ve washed, ironed, and folded the clothes I haven’t destroyed, they are donated back to the store, where they can decide whether to sell, or toss them again.  I’m sure they’re being thrown out.  While we are there, my wife fills another three garbage bags with discarded varied pieces for me.  She just recently trusted me with one older pair of pants of hers that she wanted the pant leg let down on.  Believe me, I’m not even close to being an accomplished seamstress…. yet.   But I’m doing my best, still working at it, and improving.  

Upon discovering the joy of serving her in this manner, I asked my wife if I could please take a discarded dress, remove all the stitches, lay out, and look at all the pieces, then sew them all together again.  She happily agreed to this, but told me it was on the condition that I’d be doing this with multiple dresses of varying styles.  

She also made me this offer.   Once she is satisfied with my workmanship, she would pick a pattern I will cut out, then I’ll make myself one from scratch, start to finish, but under her supervision.   Now I have something to work towards, and serious motivation to progress, and improve! 

What does my wife get out of this?  Hopefully soon she won’t have any sewing to do unless she wants to.   What woman wouldn’t want that?  Meanwhile I get the satisfaction of being controlled in one more manner by my wife.  While being proud that as her househusband, I am now capable of taking another tedious task off her responsibility list.

To all submissive husbands, don’t be afraid to learn the skill of sewing if you haven’t already.   Sewing is eventually very enjoyable and I promise; do it properly, and you will absolutely win the admiration of your wife, and leader.  

(Edward) 

  

Behavior Modification-Purposeful Talking

As promised, this is a follow-up post on behavior modification. In this post I share my experience with  a new training project that I have done with my husband. If you are a regular reader of my blog, you may remember that I regularly enforce no talking days. The reasons for no talking days are to remind him of my control over him and to give him regular time to reflect on his submission to me and how he can better serve me. I also enjoy the quiet time. During no talking days, if I ask a question, he can respond, but it has to be short and to the point. He can text me questions or information and he is allowed to ask for permission to speak or ask a question if he feels it is something important.

The no talking days have not been super successful as it is hard for him to not talk all day. He often forgets, and I also forget to enforce it. He is definitely much quieter on the no talking days, but it is far from being an actual no talking day. We've been doing it for several months now, and he's getting better but nowhere near as quiet as I want him to be. He admitted that it is hard for him and he joked that he needed to be conditioned or trained not to talk. Now I've learned that when a sub jokes about something, it's usually his way of saying that he really wants it to happen. Challenge accepted! I decided to put a plan in motion to train him not to talk on "No Talking Days." Furthermore, I decided to train and condition him to not waste my time with useless information and to only speak to me on a regular basis about things that are purposeful to me and add value to my day.

The Training Plan

My plan was pretty simple. The best way to keep him from talking is to force him not to talk. To accomplish this, I purchased a ball gag and adult pacifiers. I wanted him to be comfortable, so I did not order a traditional ball gag because I've read where they can be hard to wear for a long time.  Instead I ordered one that is small and similar to a pacifier. I also ordered adult baby pacifiers, incase the ball gag was not comfortable. I also thought the humiliation aspect of using a baby pacifier, was a perfect way to tap into his submissive mind.

After the items arrived, I planned a night to spring the whole training program onto Thomas. I was actually very excited about putting the plan in motion and I knew it would completely surprise and excite Thomas. It was a Wednesday night when I told Thomas that I wanted him to serve me in sissy panties for the rest of the evening. I sent him off to the bedroom to change. When he returned, the first thing he noticed was that I had laid out a ball gag and two pacifiers on the end table next to the chair I was sitting in. I could tell he was surprised and excited. He asked with hesitation in his voice, "oookaay. what are those for?"

I smiled and ordered him to kneel before me. By the time his knees hit the floor, his hard cock was straining against the silky sissy panties. I said, "You told me you needed to be conditioned not to talk and so that's what we are going to do.  Your training begins right now."

The look of surprise was still on his face.  All he could say was, "oh...yes Goddess."

As I strapped the gag around his head, I told him that with his mouth gagged he would have no choice but to be silent. Once secured, I spent a few seconds admiring him gagged while he looked up at me quiet and silent. I told him that I liked how it looked on him and asked if he was comfy. He nodded his head yes. I told him that under no circumstances was he permitted to remove the gag. The gag would come off when I decided. If he was uncomfortable or felt he needed relief from the gag, he would have to seek permission from me to remove it and only I could remove it.

I explained that the gag he was wearing would be the trainer gag and that he would be wearing it quite often over the next few days to condition him to be present with me without talking. He would have to learn new ways to communicate if he needed something. Then I pointed to the two pacifiers and told him that after his ball gag training, the pacifiers would be used to continue his conditioning of learning to be silent. I didn't say anymore about the pacifiers. I like giving him little teasers like that as I know over the next few days his mind will go wild with fantasies on how I might use them. 

For the rest of the night he wore the gag while we watched Netflix together. I was fully dressed and he was in his silky sissy panties. Every so often I would order him to fetch me a glass of water or to do things for me. He obeyed without hesitation. I also teased him quite frequently through his silky panties. I was enjoying doing all this without him being able to talk. At one point, I even pulled the waist band to his panties down slightly and kissed and sucked on the tip of his cock for several seconds. This was something I rarely ever did, even before WLM. It was a total shock to him that I did this and I enjoyed that he could not speak about it. I was making sure that his first night gagged and silent for me would be a pleasurable and memorable night. When it was time for my bedtime, I ordered him to the bedroom and had him kneel before me after he fetched my pajamas and put them on me. I told him that it was time for the gag to be removed but that I still wanted him to be silent. He was to not say one word to me the rest of the night. When I removed the gag he looked up at me and smiled. I could tell it was torturous for him not to talk but he remained silent and went off to do his nightly tasks while I went to sleep.

The next day, I asked him how his mouth felt. He told me it was fine and he thanked me for what I was doing and was excited about his training. I let him know that we would take a break from the gag for the day but that we would do morning training the next day (Friday) and over the weekend.

More Training

Friday night after dinner, I had him kneel before me in his panties and I put the gag on and just like Wednesday, he quietly served me, and I teased him throughout the night. I also had him massage me with the gag on. He was very cute in that a few times he had questions for me and so he either texted me or wrote something on a paper for me to read. I got a little laugh out of it. When I removed the gag, I reminded him again to be silent but this time I ordered him to pleasure me with his tongue. I had an amazing orgasm and he of course was denied any orgasm. My fellow Goddesses, I have to say it is quite enjoyable being massaged and pleasured without a word peeped from your man! It's like he's your own personal sex toy.

On Saturday morning, I had him wear the gag for a few hours in the morning while he made my coffee and breakfast and did a few chores. The great thing about the gag, is that the physical appearance of the gag was a reminder to me also. It reminded me not to ask him question unless I really needed something.  When I did ask questions, it was fun having him reply to me by writing his answers down.   I removed the gag for lunch and let him know that he would not have to wear if for the rest of the day and it was ok for him to talk, but that he should keep his talking to a minimum. He did ok for most of the day but there were a few times that I had to remind him to quiet down because his talking was not necessary. He clammed up each time without arguing.

A Full Day of Silence

Sunday was his big test. He wakes up before me on the weekends to start on chores and get my coffee and breakfast ready. I left instructions for him on his bureau to put the gag on himself as soon as he woke up. In the instructions I let him know that he was not going to wear the gag all day but that it would still be a full silent day for him. I enjoyed waking up and seeing him already gagged as he moved about the house. I made a few teasing comments to him about how much fun the silent day was going to be. His cock responded immediately to my teasing, growing hard and poking out of his robe. I laughed at how weak he was.

He had a few errands to run for me later in the morning and so when the time was ready, I sat on the couch and had him kneel before me so that I could remove the gag. Before removing it, I reminded him that he was not to talk at all when the gag was removed. When I removed it, he stared up at me silently. He was so cute. I leaned down and kissed him on the cheek and said, "You are such a good boy for me. Now go and do your errands for me."  Once again his cock was hard.  I love how easily I can get his arousal going. I left the gag off for the afternoon until he had a moment of weakness. He did good at being quiet for the most part, but at one point he asked me a question. I gave him a scornful look and he knew immediately he broke the silence rule. He said, "sorry." I shushed him right away and said "no talking slave."  Then I told him to follow me.  He quietly followed me to the couch and I sat down and ordered him to kneel. The gag was sitting on the table next to the couch. I picked it up and secured it around his head again and said, "You will learn."  Then I ordered him to stay kneeling for 10 minutes as a punishment for talking.

At dinner time, I removed the gag to allow him to eat. He did not have to wear it again until later in the evening when I wanted a massage. He did not talk at all in the evening but I wanted him to be gagged for my massage. I enjoyed  seeing him gagged as he massaged me. I teased his cock occasionally throughout the massage, making sure he stayed fully aroused. Then I verbally teased at how I really wanted him to pleasure me with his tongue, but since he was gagged he couldn't. I told him that it was his fault since he was so weak and needed to be gagged to train him how to not talk on silent days. I teased that until he learned to be a good silent slave for me, his tongue would not be getting much action. Then I ordered him to pleasure me with his fingers. I could tell it was torture for him because he could not kiss my nipples or give me oral. At one point I had him lay on the bed and I sat on his chest and teased him more at how it was a shame he could not use his tongue on me. I told him, "Let's see what we can do with this gag." Then I moved forward and began to hump his face over the gag. I was very aroused by now and so it felt good rubbing across the gag and his nose and I was able to bring myself to an orgasm by humping his face. 

The Next Week

Thomas left me a nice note on Monday thanking me for training him and telling me how exciting the night before was for him. He was in complete submissive mode. For the second week, I reduced the amount of time in the gag. I was testing him to see if he could remain quiet on his own during the times that I designated as silent times. The first was on Thursday night after dinner. I made him wear the gag for 1-hour and then told him he was not allowed to speak for the remainder of the night. He obeyed perfectly.  Sunday was the next test. I had him wear the gag in the morning for 3 hours.  When I removed it, I explained that the goal was for him to not speak a word all day and that if he succeeded, we would proceed to the next phase of his training, which involved the pacifiers. Not speaking any words for a full day is a difficult goal to achieve. It is not something I would not expect him to accomplish on an ongoing basis but for training purpose I made it an important milestone for him to achieve. I also told him that if he failed to remain silent, the gag would go back on and he would have another week of training with the gag. I felt this was a strong motivator for him for two reasons. First, I could tell he was growing tired of the ball gag. Like many things, it is exciting when first introduced and when used on occasion, but when used on a regular basis the excitement fades away and it becomes burdensome or uncomfortable. Secondly, I knew his submissive mind was excited about being forced to wear a pacifier and so he was motivated to get to phase 2 of his training.

Fortunately for him, he succeeded in being quiet. He became good a using notes and texts to communicate with me when needed.  "When needed" was an important part of his training. Had he sent me notes or texts that I thought were not important, his training with the gag would have been extended.

In my next post I will share what I did for the Pacifier Training.

-Mz Kaylee

  

Stupid Google!

So apparently Google had a data breach and it affected my account. Ultimately it lead to me being locked out of my account for a week. Ugh! Not a good solution in today's world.  Anyway....have patience with me as I catch up on e-mails and comments. I was pleased to see continued activity in the comments section of posts. I am enjoying the discussion in Trina's post - Punishment Can Arouse and Still Work.  I especially like the depth of the comments and that the discussion is bringing to light the deeper complexities of punishment and discipline. The more we dig into these dynamics and understand them, the better we can effectively incorporate them into our relationships. I am so proud of you all for engaging in meaningful discussion and thank you Trina for bringing the topic to our attention. I will be sure to add a few comments of my own once I get caught up.

-Mz Kaylee

Punishment Can Arouse - and Still Work (Guest Post by Trina)

Let me start by saying that It has been great to see an increase in comments on the blog and that there are new people commenting and more Females engaging in the conversations. I hope the activity in the comments continues to grow. Whether you are new to WLM or experienced, I encourage you to comment and share your experiences, questions or thoughts. The discussions in the comments often lead to great insights and ideas that others can apply to their own relationship. Hearing from others also helps to validate that WLM is real, is beneficial, and that you are not alone in your quest. Thank you all for your continued engagement.

Having said all that, I am very pleased to publish another post from a Female. In this post Trina, addresses an issue that I am sure many women new to WLM struggle with - "why punish if he gets aroused by it?" It is something that I questioned early in my relationship. A post like this would have helped me many years ago. Thank you Trina for sharing your insights and advice on this important topic. -Mz Kaylee

Punishment Can Arouse – and Still Work

By Trina

My husband is a spanko, so he loves everything about getting spanked except the severe pain during the spanking itself. And yet I effectively use spanking as a punishment, even though he is aroused immediately beforehand and soon afterwards – and he is aroused when he thinks about an upcoming punishment or one that has happened, either recently or long ago. 

Like most dominant wives, I initially believed that punishment needed to be completely separate from sexual activities or feelings, and I tried hard to make that happen. After all, if it turned him on to be punished, wouldn’t he act out on purpose in order to receive punishment? And wouldn’t that negatively impact our WLM/FLR? It certainly would seem so. But as I will explain, that has not turned out to be the case.

As a lifelong spanko, my husband had one basic need when we were dating and deciding whether to have a serious relationship: Spanking needed to be a regular part of any relationship for him. As a switch, he didn’t much care if he was the spanker or the spankee, as long as somebody went over somebody’s knee at least once a week. As a divorcee who had lived a vanilla life, I knew that I wanted to be dominant and use spanking to keep my husband in line. So I told him (and showed him) that I was going to be the spanker and he would need to be satisfied with that. I also told him that the spankings would not be play; they would be real punishment and I would expect them to work in terms of improving his behavior.

I was fearful that he would enjoy my punishment spankings, so I took steps to prevent that: I spanked him severely, to the point that only a true masochist could enjoy it. I forbid any sexual activity after a spanking. I stayed fully dressed during his spankings. I bared his bottom but did not let him be naked. I refused to spank him in our bedroom. I sometimes made him masturbate to completion beforehand so he couldn’t get an erection during the spankings and so the spankings would be more painful.

None of this worked. When I announced a spanking, he would have an instant erection. Yes, I would “spank him soft,” and he definitely would not be enjoying the punishment. But afterwards? He would be hard very soon and he would want to service me orally, which I wanted too but was refusing him in order to try to keep the punishment separate from sex.

At the same time, the punishments improved his behavior. Whatever I spanked him for, he made a renewed effort to obey my wishes. And he was not misbehaving on purpose in order to get punished. This seemed extremely paradoxical to me: How can spanking work as punishment when you love it so much? Punishment is something you should want to avoid, and that desire to avoid it is what improves your behavior. That is reasonable and logical … but not how my submissive male’s mind works.

At first he couldn’t really explain it when I tried to talk to him about it. He would just say, “I’m a spanko, I believe I was born a spanko, I’ve always been one and I will always be one, and that’s all I know.” But as we continued talking about it and I continued thinking about it, a glimmer of understanding began in my mind – helped by his response to other punishments and by our new program of orgasm denial.

As a spanko, he definitely did not care for other punishments: corner time, writing lines, forbidden to watch sports on TV, going to bed early, not sharing my bed, and the one he hates most: being grounded from going out with his buddies. And yet, when I announced any of these punishments he got the beginning of an erection, which he sometimes maintained during the punishment itself. Even when I did the thing he hates absolutely the most – made him call his buddies and tell them that his wife would not allow him to join them (as I listened and giggled) – he often would be hard throughout the phone call!

This was also demonstrated when we started a program of orgasm control. I had not planned on orgasm denial in my marriage. I quite enjoy sexual intercourse (PIV), and particularly mutual orgasm (on the rare occasions when it happened). I never wanted to give that up, and I had begun training him to try to wait for me and then to orgasm with me. He actually was quite good at lasting a long time. His issue was not coming too fast but that sometimes he had trouble maintaining his erection. That was a bit surprising to me for a man in his 30s (at the time) who claimed to find me so arousing. Then I found out why: He was looking at spanking porn and masturbating regularly! Even though I was spanking him weekly as he desired!

That infuriated me. I was deeply offended. He promised to stop, but he would always go back to it. It was truly an addiction, one that he had had since a teenager, and even getting regular spankings wasn’t enough to stop it. I told him it had to change. Eventually he suggested a chastity cage to me. I love his cock and didn’t want it locked away. But I agreed to try it.

Of course it worked for masturbation control. Without the ability to touch himself, he didn’t much care for looking at porn, either. Then we began to notice what many other wives on here have noticed: He enjoyed having his orgasms restricted, especially when I would tease and deny him. Since I have always liked playing with his cock, this became a mutual pleasure. Now I play with him quite regularly in the evenings when he is doing chores for me. I love getting him hard, then sending him off to do a chore, and then when he has to report for inspection seeing if he is still hard. I consider it a compliment to me that he is so aroused by my dominance that he can stay hard throughout a chore! Like other men on here, he says that being teased and denied and allowed very few orgasms is actually better sex than we he came whenever he wanted. A paradox … but one that is clearly proven by the behavior of our submissive husbands!

So, I finally realized a similar paradox: that punishment improved his behavior even though he was aroused by it. I saw that he was very aroused by me scolding him and issuing punishments – by me being dominant and “forcing” him to be submissive. So it wasn’t just spanking that turned him on; it was being controlled by a dominant wife. But that did not mean that the punishments were ineffective. On the contrary, the more I bossed him around, the more obedient he became. There was no way that he was not going to be turned on by punishment and my dominance. So why should I expect that?

It has taken me a while, but I actually have come to the conclusion that arousal can enhance the impact of punishment in terms of improving behavior. I know that may be a controversial conclusion that is different from many wife-led marriages, and I hope that other women will comment.
Trina

 

This and That.... (Guest post by AJ)

Below is just a random collection of things relating to our personal relationship which I have found to be beneficial and which I feel contribute to the continuing success of our marriage. Some of these may have an FLR flavoring to them, but most I think are pretty generic and would apply to all types of relationships. Hopefully these may come in handy to some of you, even if its just as a reminder of something which you already do or which is already some part of your life, but just have forgotten to do or think about lately. Some of these might come in handy with Valentines day just around the corner…..

1) I still love it very much when my husband randomly and without being in any sort of “trouble”, brings me home a nice bouquet of flowers. Nothing extravagant, just those $10 grocery store bundles. It still makes me feel very special and loved.

2) I still love it when he randomly plants a kiss on my lips and tells me that he loves me (and means it). No ulterior motive working in his mind, just a simple genuine expression of love. Men don’t ever be stingy with this one.

3) Same as 2 above but this time me doing the talking and the kissing.

4) I watch my diet AND exercise regularly both for my benefit as well as his. Now that I’m in my fifties (sshhhh) those extra pounds seem to get put on quicker than in those earlier years, and are also considerably harder to work off. I also try to moderate my alcohol intake especially on these cold wintry and Covid influenced days (and nights). It’s important, I believe, to try to stay physically attractive to our spouses. A healthy mind and body are a big leg up on staying desirable.

5) What I just wrote above in 4, applies to him every bit as well. Given my position of dominance in our marriage, I am able to promote and enforce a healthier lifestyle for my husband. So this is an easier win for me had I (We) not been in an FLR.

6) Going further with the healthy mind and body theme, we make it a point to read books to keep our minds active and to stay active in the pursuit of knowledge and personal growth material. Every other Wednesday night we head to our local library. This is an actual date we have on our calendars. We each find a book of interest and try to read those books within the 2 week spans we have in between those library nights. As a woman, I find an intelligent mind extremely attractive. We kind of make a night of it, after finding our books, we head over to the local coffee shop and enjoy a nice coffee or tea, and a pastry or sandwich, and we just discuss life while we are there. Usually nothing sexual at all in our discussions (although some times I might play a little bit of footsie under the table with his little caged package), but I find the whole intellectual outing process alluring of itself. I believe that keeping the mind active helps prevent and ward off things like early onset Alzheimer's. Anyhow it works for us and we both really enjoy these nights out.

7) Turn the tables every now and then. The vast majority of days I am on the receiving end of his pampering, and he genuinely enjoys doing that for me, but everyone deserves an unexpected treat every now and then. So once and a while I give him the night off so to speak, and do some catering to his needs whether its a full body massage or whatever (no it doesn't mean he gets an orgasm…)

8) Be generous with praise and kind words. Be affectionate. What goes around, tends to come around.

9) Sometimes, believe it or not, I am not in the mood for sex. In my case, the vast majority of the time sex means oral from my husband and I really enjoy and love it most nights. But not every single night. Sometime you have your period as well… On some of those nights our “alternative activity” is for me to nurse my husband while laying in bed. While there is a slight sexual overtone to doing this as a couple, its mostly about sharing emotions for us. My husband goes to this deep wonderful emotional place when he’s at my breast, and… so do I. I love it. I have a post somewhere here on this site which discusses that further.

10) Surprise me every now and then and take me out to dinner. Emphasis on surprise. We don’t eat out often, for budgetary reasons and for the fact that we enjoy our own home cooked meals, but an occasional night out really hits the spot every now and then and makes everyone feel a bit special. The local diner is perfectly fine, doesn't have to be fancy and expensive.

11) Random foot massages/soaks and neck massages are always wonderful and appreciated. No FLR or sexual component needed. Random small scale pampering to say I love you and that I appreciate you. Again feel free to turn the tables on this one every now and then.

As I think of more items which we periodically enjoy and find beneficial as a couple, I will post again. Hopefully some of the ones I included above will resonate with some of you, and you can give them a try in your relationship if they are not already present. Enjoy life and one another. It can’t always be centered on sex. Keeping the passion alive in your relationship can take so many forms outside of that.

-AJ

Permanent Behavior Modification

One aspect of the Wife Led Marriage (WLM) lifestyle that I have come to enjoy is permanently modifying the behavior of my husband. I get a thrill out of using my feminine power and control over him to change his habits, his thoughts, and mindset. I am not talking about fantasy or physical control. I am talking about a deep emotional change in his being and the way he thinks. It was my husband who first brought this concept to light for me. It was about a year and half after our formal WLM began, that he confessed to me some deep thoughts on behavior change. He did not call it behavior modification and I don't think at the time he realized how deep and profound his confessions were but they certainly struck a chord with me.

What he shared with me was that he had been reflecting back on his life over the past few years and realized that he was a much different person now then he was prior to our WLM (for context this occurred 15+ years ago, so 'now' was actually 15+ years ago). He further explained that my authority over him was very real to him and not fantasy play; that his natural instinct was to always obey me and look to me for approval. He gave examples such as, whenever I punish or discipline him, he does not think twice about accepting it and complying with it. The thought of resisting or arguing never occurs because he knows he must obey, much like a young child obeys his mom because she is the ultimate authority and in the child's mind, he/she has no other choice. He also gave the example that whenever someone invites him or us to an event, whether it be a social gathering, dinner, or weekend away, his first thought is to run it by me for approval. It does not even occur to him anymore to accept the invite on his own (fast forward to current day and most of our mutual friends have picked up on this and have learned to ask me and not him. Now I make the arrangements and just inform him on what we are doing). Ultimately he confessed to me that he became very aroused when he came to the realization that my control and dominance over him had changed him as a person, including his natural instincts and his thought processes. He liked that I had 'molded' him and the realization of all this made him feel even more submissive to me. 

"Wow!" was what I was saying in my head. At first it seemed crazy to me, but the more it sank in, the more it made sense, and I liked what I was hearing. The main reason that I decided to fully embrace the WLM lifestyle was because I started experiencing many benefits from my husband's submission to me. The improvement in my lifestyle was noticeable as a result of him taking on more chores, pampering me, and accepting my word as the final word in all matters. When I realized how much I was benefiting from controlling him, I made the conscious decision to fully commit to a WLM. After committing to WLM, I was happy with the things my husband was doing but it never occurred to me that his actions were really the result of changes in his thought process and mindset. When he shared this with me, it made me realize how life changing my control over him is. That's so deep!

His confession years ago, intrigued me and I became fascinated with the emotional impact of female domination. Naturally that interest influenced they way I used my feminine power over Thomas. I became more in tune the emotional side of domination and submission. As a result, I began to look for ways to exert my control in a manner that not only benefited me but also influenced his emotional state. Some of it was just for fun and some of it was because I knew it would turn him into puddy in my hands. My dominance quickly became much more effective.  For example, I became very purposeful in the words that I used when talking to him and giving him orders because I knew certain words had a definite impact on his mental state such as calling him "slave" or "pet," referring to him as a girl or little boy, telling him "good boy" or "good girl," and telling him he looked cute in his panties. 

I also experimented with conditioning him to get aroused. I am sure most of you heard of the experiment of Pavlov's Dog, where Pavlov continually showed a hungry dog food and rang a a bell. The dog would salivate at the site of the food. Eventually, Pavlov just rang the bell and the dog salivated because his brain connected the sound of the bell to the sight of the food. Sorry guys, but you and your penis's are just the like Pavlov's dog.  A little teasing of my husband's cock each time I asked for a massage eventually turned into him getting aroused by me asking for a massage, and that still happens today.  It works with smell to. I once wore the same perfume every time I played with his cock. Then a few weeks later I sat next to him on the couch, wearing the same perfume, and *boom* suddenly he got all frisky with me.  You guys are so easily conditioned!

Those were fun little experiments, but it is exciting to train and condition him for longer term behavior modification. It sounds like fantasy talk, but it is all true. Behavior and thoughts are changed over time through a structured and controlled environment, that includes accountability, discipline, repetition and positive reinforcement. When this is all highly correlated or linked to his arousal and sexual desires, the impact is significant. I would even say it is life changing. Over the years, through my continuous control over my husband, he has been transformed into an obedient slave for me, not just by his actions, but also in the way he thinks, talks to me, and responds to me. When I ask for something to be done, there is no longer any hesitation. It is his natural reaction to jump at my command. I love that! 

This "husband 2.0" is making my life easier and more exciting. He is literally providing me a higher standard of living by treating me like a Queen. To be clear, this does not mean he does not think on his own and waits on me every second of the day. That is not what I want in a slave husband. No, he has personality, he thinks on his own, makes decisions, and has a say in many decisions. What is different is that much of the way he thinks and acts has been influenced by my control and is done with top consideration for my needs and desires. I've managed to wring out many of his annoying and bad habits over the years! What's fantastic about all this is he loves it also. Knowing that he is being molded by my control is very exciting for him and touches deep into his submissive craving. It is a win-win for both of us.

The training and conditioning never ends either, at least not for me. A few months ago, I began another training project with him. I will write about that in my next post.

-MzKaylee