Get Your Man Doing His Share of the Housework - ALL OF IT! (Guest post by Debbie)

I am thrilled to publish another guest post written by a Female. In this post, Debbie provides great examples on how she measures her husband's performance. Debbie also has a profile full of great information in the profile section. Thanks for being an amazing Goddess Debbie and contributing to the blog!   -MzKaylee

I loved your post concerning new year's resolutions. You come across like an Ivy League MBA when you say “It's important to be specific and to identify the steps to achieve your goals.” One of my mantras from the business world that I apply in my FLM is “You can't manage what you can't measure”. All employees at work have specific objectives - why shouldn't my submissive husband?

So, I set out to specifically define what I wanted when David cleaned the living room. Or what I expected when 'cleaning the bathroom' was on David's agenda. Same thing for ironing, laundry, car care and so on. Mother developed the standards and trained David in each one. David was given a pink covered journal to write down the specifics of each task. Mother walked him around the living room, for example, calling out each area of concern and what was entailed and checking it off his list. After his initial training Mother stood over him twice more, making comments or corrections and allowing David to ask questions. I have to stop here and address male fantasies - NO mother is NOT standing over David wearing a mini dress with fishnet pantyhose - this is all about work, not about male fantasies.

Chores are divided into four categories - spring cleaning, party, mid-week, and refresh. Spring cleaning is the most intense, it's done in spring, of course, but also in getting ready for the winter holidays. At my direction spring cleaning might be done as many as four times a year and includes heavy tasks such as cleaning and rehanging drapes, deep cleaning carpets, polishing silverware, moving furniture, etc. Party entails cleaning after entertaining visitors - dusting, vacuuming, spot cleaning the rugs for spills, etc. Freshen is light dusting, vacuuming, sanitizing the bathrooms, etc.

David has measures for each assigned task. If he works to his pink book punishment is unlikely. However, if he doesn't match expectations there can and will be consequences. A few weeks ago David questioned Mother when she critiqued his cleaning of the family room. David was more questioning than being insubordinate but it required a response and mother gave it to him. She took two boxes of cereal and scattered their contents far and wide about the family room for David to clean. David learned a lesson that he soon won't forget.

David has to wear a feminine apron while doing chores, whether at home or when cleaning at a girlfriend's home, or whether we have visitors. When ladies visit, David's focus is on serving them and then getting back to his chores Some time back two of my girlfriends dropped in while David was cleaning. One of the women commented, “WOW, Id love to have a guy around to clean my place. within minutes David had two more ladies to clean for. He spends one morning a week housekeeping for these two ladies.

The bottom line here is that women will get what they want only when they take the time to lay things out for their hubby and hold him to them. And David? He loves his submissive role and readily admits that he's “living the dream”

-Debbie

Why is it never good enough? Why am I never good enough for him? (Guest Post by AJ)

Special thanks to AJ for her continued contributions to the blog. In this post she raises thought provoking questions to women. I encourage our Female readers to comment and provide your thoughts opinions. To learn more about AJ, read her profile page in the profile section of the blog. Not only does she share information about herself in the profile, but she provides great advice to those wanting to start or maintain a WLM/FLR  -MzKaylee

Why is it never good enough? Why am I never good enough for him?

Unfortunately, I think this is the response that a considerable percentage of female readers may initially have when their significant male other introduces them into the desire for FLR based activities. I personally don’t think its at all true or that this is in fact the motivation behind his “special” needs. Lets be frank, 9 times out of 10 it’s not the woman who is desiring  and/or initiating this FLR “stuff”, not initially at least. Its him not you. But why? Why does he have this “weird” need?

Trust me, it’s not at all about you, at least not in the way you are letting your first emotional instincts take you to with this first response judgement. Its not about your letting him down in any way and not being the good enough wife or girlfriend. It is not any sort of indictment on your performance in bed or your abilities as a wife. It’s all about something deeply mysterious which is occurring in that pea sized misshapen man head of his. I think this type of thing has always been the continual misunderstanding between a man and a woman. They just operate and think differently than us in the department of sex, sexuality and relationships is the best deeply thought-out answer that I can provide. We are just typically two different creatures when it comes to this and we both have a hard time figuring the other one out. 

We have wasted so many fights, so many marriages and so many therapy sessions trying to address and understand this. With FLR in particular, why does a man crave to be spanked? Why does a man crave to have his junk locked away? Why does a man want us to subjugate him? It’s frankly bizarre stuff for us women when we first hear of it. We just can’t wrap our heads around it. But the truth of the matter is that neither can he, not really. It’s just how the DNA in many men got put together. Part of it I think, is how tightly bound men are with displaying their real inner emotions. The fact that they are expected to present this stone wall facade of the always in charge and the always under total emotional control. It’s how they were brought up and shown how to behave as a “real man”. It has to be sooo utterly exhausting to live life that way is my personal thought. I think “that's” what partially drives men to this need for things like FLR in their lives. It’s a controlled way for them to open up to the women in their lives, to themselves. They can let our their emotions under this guise. They can relax and not be the in charge person they are expected to be outside of the home and perhaps normally within the home. This is them letting their hair down so to speak.

They also frankly just like weird kinky type sex, can be the other augmenting answer to the one above.

But whatever the real answer is to this age old question of why are men so different than us, it’s not that we as women are failing them some how. It’s not that we aren't good enough as we currently exist. It’s just that we are put together differently. Our thoughts and our emotional processes are just different than theirs. Sexuality just means something a bit different to us both. We respond to various stimulus in different ways than do men. The really cool thing about FLR, I think, is that it is a pathway for women and men to come closer together on the topic of sex and relationships and emotions. Through the concepts of who is behaving dominantly and who is behaving submissively and what that also means emotionally to be the dominant and the submissive in the relationship. Living this in an FLR lifestyle subtly shifts the dynamics of what it means to be a man and what it means to be a woman. I think where we both end up is somewhere more closely in the middle, that’s the real beauty of FLR, not the control and not the everything else.

Anyhow, a very unsubstantial answer to a very complex question and to what is a very valid emotional response that many women might ask themselves when presented with the desire of their man to engage in FLR activity. If it was easy to answer, the relationship counselors would have been out of business years ago I guess. I would really be interested what other women on this site might have to say about this. What is your whole take on why are we (Women) are never good enough for men? Please comment. No one wants to feel that they are broken or not good enough. I know that is not at all your (men's) intent or feelings when you try to bring this “need” up with your wife or girlfriend but unfortunately that’s how many might feel. This would be a wonderful thread for all of the woman readers to comment on. In particular your opinion is the one I want to hear. Men are just weird - I already know that :)

One final word. I use the word weird here frequently. It was all  very weird especially in the early goings. But all I have to say is that now that I have been in the mix with this whole FLR business  for many years - is that its still weird, but a very enjoyable and good weird at the end of the day for me. It works and it has strengthened my relationship. It was never a question if I was not good enough for him. He just wanted me to to be a bit more weird with him :)

-AJ

Clothing and the Submissive Male (Guest post by Nancy a.k.a Edwin)

 Clothes are never ‘just“ clothes. They convey meaning, sometimes about social

status, or role expectations, sometimes about power, and definitely about

gender. When we hear the word “panty” or see a skirt or a dress on a hanger, we

immediately think female. Certain manners of dress (a business suit or military

uniform) imply authority, and others (semi-nakedness, nakedness, or a maid’s

uniform) signals submission.

Some items of clothing have been unconsciously fetishized in early imprinting

(more common with males, obviously), and once they become a part of the

psyche, generally this does not change. Submissive males often feel increasingly

submissive around women dressed in leather, for example, or (my personal

weakness) dressed in heels, nylons, and a business suit.

There seems to be two broad categories in the use of female clothing with the

submissive in Femdom relationships: 1) Forced feminization of the otherwise

“macho male” who finds it humiliating and emasculating to wear female clothing,

and 2) The crossdressing submissive who wishes to emulate his female superior

and views wearing female clothing as a privilege. In both instances, panty training

and the introduction of other items of female clothing in the FLR relationship can

be extremely powerful.

For the male who “fears” panties and other items of women’s lingerie, being

required to wear them as a testament to his devotion and/or as a punishment has

endless potential, including requiring underdressing at work or in social situations,

shopping trips, etc. Colors and styles are also very important. For the male who

fears being emasculated, the pinker and lacier the better. For the crossdressing

submissive, the pinker and lacier, the more he will find the lingerie or panties

thrilling and rewarding.

I fall into the latter category. My wife has never been one hundred per cent

comfortable with my desire to wear women’s clothes, although she has totally

accepted that I wear only women’s underwear. She has, for many years, even

before we embraced FLR, controlled what else she would allow me to wear and

when (all this in a very real sense a precursor to FLR). All my panties are pink,

pastels, or floral. None of hers are. Most, in fact, are black. My pajamas are also

what would be considered more traditionally feminine than hers. However, how

we present to the public outside of our home is distinctly traditional. She dresses

quite feminine, and I am prone to flannel shirts, jeans, etc.

Here’s the thing: I know that I may wear panties or anything feminine only

because she allows it and I view doing so as a privilege that could be lost at any

time. I must ask her permission to buy anything new beyond panties and to wear

anything besides panties and my fem pajamas. Sometimes she will tell me that I

must wait until she is not in the house because she does not want to see it. I have

lost “panty privileges,” and I have earned panty shopping trips when she will take

me, help me select for both me and her, then leave the store and have me take

them to the counter to complete the purchase. In these ways, she has become

quite adept at using my desires to control me.

My guess is that there are few (maybe no) submissive men who have a neutral

response to wearing women’s underwear and other clothing. They either fear it

or love it. It isn’t that hard to figure out which. Either way, it can be used as a

motivator: a reward or a punishment. My wife uses it for both, and I love her for

it.

Nancy/Edwin

The Perks of Having a Slave Husband in the Winter

When it comes to winter time, one of my favorite things about having a slave husband is that he keeps my car warm for me. On cold mornings he gets up, starts my car and makes sure all snow or ice is cleared away before I leave for work. He is also required to place my work bag in the care for me. This past weekend it was very cold outside and so I made him drive me around for errands that I had to do. At each place, he dropped me off and picked me up at the door. While I was inside he remained in the car and kept it warm for me. That was his only purpose for me. I loved it. It is great to be in control and have a slave husband at your beck and call!

-MzKaylee

Reminders

A few reminders about this blog:

1 You are welcome and encouraged to submit guest posts on topics related to wife led marriage, female led relationships, and female domination in general.  Please make sure your posts are thoughtfully written and spell checked before submitting. Posts can be sent to MzKaylee101@gmail.com. Include a Title with your post and how you want your name to appear.

2. I encourage you to complete a profile page, which is a Q&A template about you. Profile pages are in the margin on the right side of the blog. The template is at the top of the list. Simply fill it out and e-mail to MzKaylee101@gmail.com. I also suggest that you read the existing profiles. There is a lot of great information and advice in the profiles.

3. Erotic stories are also located on the right side of the blog. Feel free to submit a story. I do not edit stories. They are published "as is" so make sure you edit and spell check before you send them. Send your stories to MzKaylee101@gmail.com/

4. Please comment on posts and share your thoughts and experiences. That's how we all learn. It is so important and helpful to hear other peoples experiences and opinions. If you have similar experiences to what has been posted, please share as it validates to others that FLR/WLM is real. On the flip side, I do not expect everyone to agree with me or what others post and I want to hear if you have different thoughts. I enjoy hearing different opinions and I often learn from them. I only require that everyone express their opinions and disagreements in a polite and courteous manner so that we can have meaningful discussions. I also encourage you to respond to other readers comments. It is fantastic when there are multiple dialogues going on in the comments section.

-Mz Kaylee

Male Chastity in a Wife Led Marriage

In this post, I will address one of the topics brought up in my Topic Ideas post: https://femdomthinktank.blogspot.com/2021/10/topic-ideas.html .

Suggested topic: "The role of a male chastity cage in and FLR.. Is it really a necessity? Is voluntary chastity acceptable or do you feel the man will always cheat?"

Before addressing the questions posed, it will help to provide some background information on chastity for those who are not familiar with it. Chastity, by strict definition is the refrain from having sex. While most WLM/FLR couples do not enforce 100% chastity, it is very common for couples to use chastity as a tool to control when the male can have sex and also to prevent him from masturbating. This is typically referred to as orgasm control. Orgasm control can be done by using a chastity device that is locked around the penis, and the wife or female holds the key and determines when his cock gets unlocked for her "play time" or sex. Orgasm control can also be done on the honor system/voluntarily. In this scenario the male agrees to hand over control of his orgasms to the Female and promises not to orgasm without her permission. There is not a physical device used to prevent him from masturbating or having an orgasm.

Is the male chastity cage necessary in a WLM/FLR? No. It is up to the Female, with consent from the male, if she wants to employ a chastity device. This will depend on what the Female wants to accomplish.  If, for example, she wants to completely prevent masturbation, then yes it is necessary. The male is incapable of refraining from masturbation 24/7. If she wants to prevent extra-marital sex, well then you got deeper issues with your relationship that need to be addressed. A chastity device should not be the means for accomplishing that. Perhaps in a non-married FLR arrangement, the device would be appropriate for preventing the male from having sex with others.

For orgasm control, a device can be used but it is not necessary. A chastity device can add a tremendous amount of excitement to the WLM/FLR as it opens up a whole new world of control, fun, and games. It is certainly one of the most effective methods to exert physical control over the male. There is also tremendous symbolism in having his cock locked and the Female holding the key. Many guys desire that ultimate physical control of their cock and for many women it is a thrill to hold that power, literally in the palm of their hand, with a key.

As mentioned above, orgasm control can be done on the honor system, without a device. It requires commitment and devotion from the guy to not orgasm without permission. Is there a chance the guy will cheat? Yes, there is always a chance. I've been told that even guys wearing chastity devices can find ways to orgasm, so they are not even 100% effective for everyone. However, if there is real commitment to the WLM/FLR, there are many deterrents from having an orgasm without permission. To start with, in a well run WLM/FLR, there are many interactions and communications between the Female and sub and so the Female is very in tune with the submissive's emotions and state of being.  The dominant Female will notice the post-orgasm sub-drop that occurs with men or the low libido and levels of arousal that occur after orgasm. The first time she calls him out on this and issues a harsh punishment for his disobedience (and this type of infraction deserves a harsh punishment), will send a clear message that it will not be tolerated. It may never get to that point, because usually the thought of being caught and being punished is a deterrent. The thought of disappointing the Female is also a deterrent. Finally, let's not forget that orgasm control is an exciting dynamic for submissives. Most submissive men want it, and enjoy being denied orgasm. It can become a badge of honor for them to go a long time without orgasm. Therefore, they are self-motivated to obey and not orgasm without permission. If they give into their desires and orgasm, it can make them feel like a failure and ashamed. 

I enforce orgasm control in my WLM and I use the honor system. I like this approach because I enjoy teasing my submissive husband throughout the day and seeing him get an erection. I enjoy knowing that even when I am not around, he is probably getting erections. This would not be possible if he was wearing a device. I don't mind that he strokes his cock, as long as he does nor orgasm. It actually helps me, because he is teasing himself, which keeps him horny all the time for me. Do I think he has ever had an orgasm without me knowing?  Yes, I am sure he has been weak a few times over the years and given into his sexual desires. Most of the time I am very in tune with him and during those times I know he has not. However, there are moments where life gets busy and the WLM structure loosens and I may not be paying close attention to him. Those are the moments where he may slip. I don't worry about it, because I know he genuinely tries to be obedient and I know that he loves the thrill of being denied orgasm and so if he does have an unauthorized orgasm, and does not tell me, well that's a guilt he has to live with. I would absolutely be disappointed and angry if he did not tell me and I found out about it. There would be consequences. However, I am not going to lose sleep over wondering whether or not this has occurred. My primary purpose for orgasm control is keep him in a horny and submissive state of mind because that's what keeps him obedient, pliant, and ready to serve me. When those things falter, that's when I get concerned. That's when he gets disciplined or punished and so I guess if it is the result of him having an unauthorized orgasm, then ultimately, he's feeling the consequences for his orgasm.

I have not ruled out the use of a chastity device in the future and have even thought about using one on a short-term basis for fun and excitement. AJ has been a great resource on providing me information about Chasity devices. There are a few great guest posts from her on the topic. To sum it all up, a chastity device is not necessary for a WLM/FLR, but it is an effective tool in the Dominant Female's toolbox.

-Mz Kaylee

PS - Feel free to add topic ideas to the Topics post I referenced at the beginning of this post. I regularly review that post for ideas.

The New Year's Post

It seems to be a tradition for me to write a New Year's post as a reminder to include your Wife Led Marriage (WLM)/ Female Led Relationship (FLR) in your 2022 goal planning and 2022 resolutions. This is the time of year that many people look forward to the coming year and think about what will they do better and how will they improve as a person. CNN recently shared the top resolutions for 2022. Drum roll please......

• Exercise more
• Eat healthier
• Be a better person
• Save more money
• Spend more time with family
• Get a new job
• Quit smoking

https://www.cnn.com/videos/us/2021/12/24/new-years-resolutions-ath-enten-vpx.cnn

Nothing surprising here, is there? These are the typical ones you hear year-after-year. Wouldn't it be great if people thought about resolutions for their marriage?  It's not something I ever thought of until I transitioned to a WLM. One of the fascinating things for me about WLM, is that I am constantly assessing and re-assessing how things are working and looking for ways to make the WLM better (i.e. what can hubby do more of to make my life better :). Maybe not everyone does this, and if you don't, well I highly recommend that you do.

With a new year starting, there is no better time to take a step back and assess how the WLM is going, and then look forward and think about how you want your WLM to be in the next year. If your WLM went off the tracks and fell to the wayside, the New Year is a great excuse to bring it back to the forefront and try it again or revive it. Maybe you  are not in a WLM, but you have been thinking about giving it a try. Now is the time to dive in! And if your WLM is humming along good, there's always room to try new things to keep the marriage exciting and fun. I enjoy trying new things throughout the year or changing up some of the rules and routines. It is fun and it helps keep Thomas motivated to serve me.

For the dominant wife, think about:

• What can I do better to motivate him to obey me and be my ideal submissive husband?
• What can I have him do to make my life better? 
• Added chores, activities, and/or responsibilities
• Better attitude; more listening.
• Being more proactive in serving you
• More pampering
• How can I be more dominant and strict with my husband?
• How can I add more structure to the WLM in a way that caters to his submissive desires while making my life easier?
• What new rituals or routines can I add to increase his devotion to me and improve his performance?

When thinking about these questions and what you want, also think about specific actions you can do to make your resolutions and goals happen. Then set specific goals of how you will improve your WLM and dominance over your husband, and the steps you will take to achieve these goals. It's important to be specific and to identify the steps to achieve your goals. This will increase the probability that you will follow-through on your goals. For example, suppose your overall goal is to be more strict with your husband. If you set that goal and did not think about anything else, you are not likely to achieve the goal because it's very general and you've not identified the action items you need to do to be more strict. A better way to write the goal is: 

I will be more strict with my husband by doing the following:

• Telling him what to do and not asking
• Making a weekly list of tasks for him to complete 
• Providing him feedback immediately when I am not satisfied with his performance
• Disciplining or punishing him when he slacks off or disobeys.
• Holding him to high expectations.

The above goal is specific and contains action items and therefore, sets a clear path for you to achieve the goal, as well as measure how well you are progressing to achieving it. It also important to write your goals down. Those who write their goals down are more likely to achieve them. Writing out your goals also provides a mechanism for you to review your goals regularly so that you stay on target. On a monthly basis, read through your goals to refresh what your plan is and refocus as needed. Finally make sure your goals are achievable. Don't try to do too much at once, or you'll stress yourself out. Think about spreading things out over the year.  I like to break the year up into quarters (every 3 months). If you want to keep it simple set goals for the first half of the year and goals for the second half of the year. Here's an example of quarterly goals:  Q1 (Jan-Mar): Become more strict, Q2 (Apr - Jun): Train him to do the laundry, Q3 (Jul - Sep): By September, he will be able to go 1 month without orgasm, Q4 (Oct - Dec): He will bathe me at least once a week. 

Don't get too worked up if you get off track or if something does not work out the way you planned. It's ok to be flexible and adjust goals if your situation changes. The key is to regularly review your goals and get back on track if you've gone off the rails a bit. Believe me, my WLM has gone off the rails several times in the past. The way I got back on track was to reset and re-establish rules and routines with Thomas. Usually I started with a punishment or tough discipline session with Thomas because that always gets him to refocus. Something I learned over the years is that the sooner you react to issues or challenges, the easier it is to recover and that it is never to late to get back on track. For example, In the goal above, I listed 5 action items. Suppose you started off the year and only did one action item. Don't let that discourage you. That is still progress. Doing one thing is better than doing none. Instead of giving up or beating yourself up over not doing the other four items, keep moving forward with the goal and try to do more.

It is rewarding when you set goals and achieve them, and for the WLM, it has a very positive impact on you and your marriage. Every year, I feel like my WLM progresses to a new and exciting level and that my husband and I grow closer together. When I look back over the years, I am amazed and how far I have come as a dominant wife and how much our marriage has changed for the better. It does not happen by itself. It takes commitment and planning, especially in the early years, but the payoff is well worth it.

Happy New Year!

-Mz Kaylee