Last week Thomas raised his voice to me. It was very uncharacteristic of him but nonetheless it was not acceptable. At the time I was in a hurry to get to a nail appointment and not ready to argue with him. I said a few parting words and left.
When I arrived for my appointment, I took a few moments to send him a text. I expressed my displeasure in his behavior and indicated that it was unacceptable and I should not be treated that way. As a punishment, he would not be allowed to go to poker night with his friends the next day.
His reply was a simple "o.k. You are right I am so sorry."
When I arrived back home he apologized to me again. He missed his poker night and we were both fine and back to normal the next day. I think this is a big advantage of a FLR. He accepted his punishment without issue and we moved in. I would guess that in many relationships, this situation would have ended in an argument or perhaps each person harboring negative feelings for an extended period of time. It works great for us that I have the final say, I issue punishments when needed and he accepts them. When the punishment is over we are back to normal.
Reading back over your blog - this is important. It is as though the dominant wife in FLR has the ability to simply impose her will, stop any arguing that in a vanilla relationship could drag on. To me this seems it would be a relief to both husband and wife. I confess I think of children who feel relief when they have "limits and consequences". They are better behaved and more relaxed.
ReplyDeleteI rarely administer severe punishments to my husband but sometimes they are necessary. Normally I can get the desired behavior from my husband just by commanding it through my dominant role in our relationship or through other less averse means. The last time I really needed to administer a severe punishment was about three years ago.
ReplyDeleteMy husband had a very bad habit of working on projects around the house in his good clothes. In the process of doing so over the many years he had ruined quite a bit of his good expensive work clothing when he could have easily changed into old grubby clothing and saved us all of that headache and considerable expense. After many many rounds of more gentle cajoling with my husband with the same repeated results I was angry and fed up and I decided too see if a round of firm punishment wouldn't correct this issue.
When I adminster punishments those are 100% non sexual in any manner. The goal is to deliver a very firm non sexual "reward" for a well earned bad bahavior from him. It's not a fun time for either one of us. I had him strip down and bent him over the back of our living room couch. I then tied his hands and feet with rope to the four legs of the couch so he was well stretched out and his backside fully exposed for a strapping session. I then administered his strapping wearing my normal everyday jeans and tea shirt - nothing sexy. After a prolonged and somewhat firmly applied strapping session, the punishment was over. I didn't want to make it too severe, I still wasn't too comfortable with corporal punishment at the time. I then left him tied to the couch with his scarlett tinged butt high in the air to reflect on his punishment and the reasons for it. About 45 minutes later I released him and all was forgiven, punishment over.
ReplyDeleteFor about a month this seemed to work. He was good about changing out of his work clothes and no more ruined good clothes. Then I noticed that he once again started to slip into his old lazy habits, and I caught him doing several projects still in his good clothes. His explanation was that the projects were simple ones and that they shouldn't result in any damage to his clothing so he didn't feel the need to change. There were 2 things wrong with that statement. First he was expressly forbidden by me to do that. Secondly we had been down that sort of road many times in the past, and there was always the unexpected oil/grease/paint spot that would just materialize when least expected and boom another ruined pair of pants or shirt. It just happens and you can pretty much count on it happening despite all good intents.
I then realized that I really needed to up the level of his punishment, as what I had previously provided was obviously not a strong enough deterrent and he was still rebelling against my rule of law so to speak. Again I wanted to keep his new punishment as far as possible from having any sexual overtones. So I repeated the earlier punishment with him being strapped over the back of our couch. The difference this time was that it occurred over 7 consecutive nights. First thing when he got home from work he received his installment of punishment. Secondly I realized that the punishment really had to be delivered much more severly each night to relay the proper message. I sizzled his butt purple each night, no half ass strapping any more. He was crying genuine tears after each session. Upping both of these things finally got the appropriate message across to my husband. Its no fun looking forward to a severe strapping 7 days straight after a hard day of work at the office. It's also no fun being on the administering end of that same punishment. It's hard unpleasant emotional work for me to do that.
However it has now been close to 3 years since this bad experience. He is now very good about changing into appropriate grubby work clothes before starting any project. I've also never had to repeat such a severe punishment for which I am grateful. So it was a difficult and painful lesson for him and me both. This one singular experience and how it was dealt with has led to major long lasting gains in our marriage.
If you ignore problems they don't go away. Small problems turn into larger problems which require substantially more expense to resolve. Expense can be measured in many ways. There is monetary expense such as replacing ruined clothes. There is physical expense such as having you butt strapped for 7 nights straight. And then there is emotional expense as in having to apply a firm ass whipping to your husband for a week straight. In the long run we both learned it would have been just much easier for him to change his clothing as I had instructed.
That single and stupid work clothes experience more impotantly helped set the proper tone for our marriage going forward. I expect to be obeyed and taken seriously from the get go. There is no excuse for bad behavior from him. I expect his immediate bending to my will. Since this experience I am now much quicker to lay down the law and to draw the line in the sand with my husband. If he disobeys he immediately feels the consequences for doing so. I have learned that nipping bad behaviour at its onset is much easier to resolve than by letting it develop into entrenched habitual bad behaviour by letting it side past.
ReplyDeleteI think my husband appreciates my firm hand and that by being firm and demanding of him he is also a much happier and content husband. It seems to work well in our marriage and we both continue to reap the benefits
I can't see my dominant wife giving me such a punishment at least not yet. She says that she accepts me and her submissive and is happy with my daily service to her. She will correct me if the household chores are not done properly, because she is very particular about how the household chores should be done.
ReplyDeleteDo you ever spank, crop or whip Thomas ?
ReplyDeleteI have made it my mission to read every one of AJ's comments on this blog.
ReplyDeleteOMG does she write some hot stuff. I'll bet lot's of guys like me who have read her comments above; would gladly volunteer to hop up onto her couch to be tied down for a strapping by her. Probably only once though.