Psycological aspects of a FLR

The psychological aspects of any relationship are important. I believe that psychology is an even bigger part of a female led relationship (FLR).  Psychology is the study of the mind and behavior, especially as a function of awareness, motivation, or feeling.  Whether your realize it or not, in a FLR, the female leader is actively engaging in techniques to affect the behavior and mind of the submissive.  For example, one of the most common techniques in a FLR is orgasm denial/control.  There are a many psychological impacts to both the sub and leader when orgasm denial/control is used.  The most obvious for the female is the sense of power and control.  For the submissive, it focuses his attention on her.  He knows that in order to get what he wants (an orgasm or sexual pleasure) he must first please her.  Therefore, satisfying her becomes his primary goal.

In a FLR the wife should be actively employing techniques to motivate and control her husband. By better understanding the psychology of men and how it relates to the dynamics of a relationship, the wife or female leader can better motivate her husband or submissive while at the same time gain more control over the relationship. Let me use a chess game as an example.  If two friends are playing chess and both have just a basic social interest in chess, then they most likely have equal odds of winning the game.  However, if one of those friends (Friend A) takes a bigger interest in the game of chess and begins to study the strategy behind chess, he will learn techniques to win the game.  He will learn to think ahead and make moves to lead his competitor into a no win position. The more Friend A studies and practices the strategy of chess, the more he increases his odds of winning and over time his friend will not be able to beat him.  As the female leader, you need to become Friend A and study and employ techniques to motivate and control your husband or submissive.

One person who understands this well is Lady Misato, who is the author of "Real Women Don't Do Housework."  With her permission, I have published an excerpt from her book below written by her which dives into the Psychology of a FLR.  I can attest that the techniques she describes are effective and do work.  I welcome discussion on this topic and encourage you to visit Lady Misato's website, which I have posted a link to in my favorite links section.

 Real Women Don’t Do Housework - Training 

An unconditioned stimulus is any biologically or naturally potent stimulus that elicits and unconditioned response. For the most part, we are interested here in using sex as an unconditioned stimulus including, obviously, intercourse but also virtually any sexual stimulation such as rubbing his crotch through his pants. The unconditioned responses, then, are arousal and orgasm.

A conditioned stimulus is any previously neutral stimulus that acquires potency through an association with an unconditioned stimulus. Lingerie, or more simply, your naked body, is a good example of conditioned stimuli that are already well established. As a practical matter, you can’t always use sexual stimulation to reward your husband for every good deed. Conditioned stimuli are therefore critical to achieving your goals.

You will need to establish a number of simple conditioned stimuli that you can use throughout the day, even in public. By far the simplest and most versatile conditioned stimulus is your voice but you should develop conditioned stimuli for all his senses including vision and smell.

This is another reason to talk to your husband during sex, not only in foreplay but also during the throes of lovemaking. What you say, how you say it, your tone of voice, all will become associated in his mind with sex and will, over time, take on the attributes of being conditioned stimuli. I call these “sexy voice” and “sexy phrases.”

Once you have established these conditioned stimuli you can use them liberally throughout your daily life. When, for example, you wish to make a demand of him, say to clean up after dinner, you simply adopt your sexy voice and sprinkle your request with sexy phrases. These will not lose their potency over time by overuse, but you should continually recharge them during sex. Another conditioned stimulus you should establish is a special  perfume. Smell is a very powerful sense that moves us emotionally, often without our awareness. But while you may have a regular subtle perfume that you usually wear, what you want is a distinctive, strong perfume that you wear only during sex. Once this perfume is established as your sexy  perfume, you can use it to resolve difficult confrontations with your husband. If you are having a disagreement with him, you simply wear the sexy perfume. It will have a profound effect on his demeanor and will induce him toward accommodation.

 

Operant Conditioning

 Kylie: I’m a big believer in rewarding good behavior. You can’t expect people to just do the right thing. 

 

Maxwell: She’s not subtle about it at all. 

 

Kylie: I call it managing by touching. I make a point to touch him at last once when I check up on his chores. And if he does a really good job, I give him a big wet kiss or even call him over  for a little heavy petting.

Maxwell: I do enjoy it. 

 

Kylie: Sometimes I’m busy so he will report back to me on the chores he’s done and then I take a break to reward him. 

 

Maxwell: To tease me. 

 

Kylie: It’s all the same, really. Teasing is rewarding. And it works; I haven’t done a lick of housework since.

 

Operant conditioning is the process by which the frequency of a behavior is modified by the consequences of the behavior. You modify a behavior under your husband’s control by manipulating and controlling the consequences to him of the behavior. If positively reinforced, the likelihood of the behavior being repeated increases. If punished, the likelihood of the behavior being repeated decreases.

A positive reinforcement is any outcome that strengthens the behavior through natural or associated potency. Sex is an obvious positive reinforcement but any conditioned stimulus can serve as a positive reinforcement. It is best to reward intermittently, even randomly, or at least to prevent him from knowing when his behavior will be rewarded. Not knowing when the reward will come, what the reward will be or how big the reward will be strengthens the behavior. You might want to have sex one time, words of praise the next time, a wet kiss the next time, a flash of your nipple another time. But note that it is very discouraging to your husband if you simply make it harder and harder to get a reward. Random variability, not rising expectations, is critical.

What you reward is, primarily, obedience. And what you use is, again, primarily sex and sexual stimulation. However, if you have successfully established conditioned stimuli you can use those as well. For example, as he is doing the dishes, you can rub his crotch and whisper sexy phrases in his ear. Even simple words of praise in a sexy voice can have a profound effect on his behavior.

Perpetual Reinforcement

Barbara: Jason has become quite proficient with housework. My  friends are amazed at how neat and clean our house is. 

Jason: I enjoy keeping the house orderly. She jokes that I’m an OCD [obsessive-compulsive disorder] convert. 

Barbara: Well, you weren’t always so fastidious. It took a while  for him to decide that the house was his responsibility. When we were married he was the biggest slob. 

Jason: Well, that was before you trained me to think differently about it. 

Barbara: [Winking] What do you think about now? 

Jason: Oh, wow. [Taking a deep breath] To be quite honest, doing the housework is a bit of a turn on for me now. Sometimes  I get a hardon doing stuff around the house, especially if I think about Barb watching me. 

Barbara: [Touching Jason on the thigh] And I do watch you when I have the time, you know. I make a point of supervising him from time to time. Not so much now to make sure he’s doing it but more to add a little something extra to the experience, if  you know what I mean. 

Jason: Yeah, she means she likes to see my pants bulging when  I’m doing the housework. 

Barbara: Then I know he’s enjoying it even when I’m away.

Interestingly, while doing chores is a behavior that you are encouraging through positive reinforcement, it is very likely that certain aspects of housework will become conditioned stimuli themselves. For example, as you train your husband to wash the dishes, and reinforce that behavior, your husband may learn to associate the experience of washing the dishes with sex. The more consistent and powerful the reinforcement, the more likely and strongly will be that association. Washing the dishes may actually arouse you husband. Thus, over time, washing the dishes may become its own reward.  Needless to say, once housework becomes its own reward, he will want to do it regularly. You won’t even need to remind him.