A Time For Change-Further explanation

I would like to take a moment to step back and discuss the logic and background information of why I did what I did when announcing my latest set of changes to Thomas.  I had reservation about posting the details because I knew that my intentions could easily get miss-interpreted.   I have received a few comments that have confirmed this.  The comments cite that I am being abusive and not respecting or caring for my husband. I can reassure you, that what is being implied in the comments is not true at all in my case.  Although the people who posted the comments mis-understood my intentions, I am thrilled by the messages being conveyed in the comments; A FLR should not be abusive; there needs to be respect and trust from both people; and the submissive is not weak or worthless.  These are all absolutely true.

When I planned the weekend, I had two goals in mind.  The first was to regroup and refresh our FLR. Both Thomas and I have ben busy with work and running the kids around. As a result, we were not spending as much time together and some of our routines were faltering. It happens.  That is life.  However, I believe it is important to take steps in your relationship to not let life consume you.  As the saying goes, "stop and smell the roses".  My second goal was simply to have fun.  With being so busy, we have not had as much intimate time or even alone time together.  Thomas is a natural submissive and I am a natural dominant.  What better way to have fun for both of us than to plan a full day (which turned into a weekend) focused on domination/submission.  I enjoy days like that but Thomas craves them. 

To accomplish my first goal, I could have very easily spent time talking to Thomas about us getting back into our routines and conveyed to him the changes I wanted to make.  It probably would have taken about an hour and that's it - goal accomplished.  However, I wanted to make it fun.  Thomas loves feeling my control and enjoys some of the fantasy aspect of domination, and so do I.  Turning his mind to mush was my intent, but it was all in good fun.  He loves when I do it.  He calls it a great "mind fuck."  While having fun was the biggest reason for my approach, there are also benefits that come with it, which help goal #1.  By making it fun and associating the changes with pleasure and my satisfaction, it makes the changes more easily accepted by Thomas.  It adds a positive spin to chores, that make them meaningful to Thomas and even a little bit fun.  It is a win-win situation for both of us.

Taking over financial control is the topic that raised the most concern so I will address that first,  Inserting control over someone's money is a sensitive topic as it can be seen a taking advantage of the person.  Additionally, the approach I used was coercive and seductive.  Taken out of context,the combination of those two items could imply abuse and evil intent. However, let me put in into context. 

As noted above and in my original post, it was all in good fun with good intentions.  For me, the financial control was more of a mind game with Thomas and a way to spice things up a bit.  If you step back and look at what I did, there really was not much of a change of money.  Both of us work and both our paychecks get deposited into a joint account.  It's been like that since day one.  He is on an weekly allowance but he handles all the bills, and he has access to the credit cards.  None of that changed with what I did. What I changed was that the incremental amount of his next raise and his next bonus would be deposited into my account instead of our joint account. It was money I would have access to anyway.  Additionally, since he is already on an allowance, he would not be able spend that money without my permission.

Also understand that Thomas and I have been happily married for 15+ years and have a very strong relationship.  While I can get him to agree to just about anything when I tease and seduce him, if he had concerns about anything, I know he would convey them to me once his mind clears. It is my job as the leader to make sure his voice would be heard and then make the best decision for the relationship.  Could someone do what I did and take advantage of someone?  Absolutely.  To quote Benjamin Parker from Spider man, "with great power comes great responsibility."  As the leader, you need to make responsible decisions.  If you do not, it will only lead to your relationship falling apart and probably even emotionally scaring your partner.

Finances are a sensitive topic and they should be.  I would not advocate or support anyone doing this if they are not in a stable relationship or of they are not married (no matter how good the relationship).  I also do not support the idea that the wife should have complete reign over finances without any input from her husband.  This is foolish.  I also disagree with those who say the wife must make the financial/money decisions in a FLR.  This all depends on your situation.  Let's face it, not everyone is good with money.  If the husband has a better financial acumen than the wife, then it does not make sense for the wife to make these decisions.  She should have input and the final say on the decisions but she does not need to control every aspect of it.  In our case, Thomas is the one that is good with money which is why I let him manage the finances. I love that I don't have to worry about paying bills. 

When all was said and done, did I gain more control? Yes, a little bit.  I now have some money going to me that he will not have visibility into how I spend.  Is that fair?  Maybe not, but a FLR is not a 50/50 relationship and is not meant to be fair.  I am the leader and there are perks with being the leader and Thomas accepts this and would not want it any other way.  As I stated in my post, I value how prudent he is with money and he will continue to have input into how the bonus money is spent.

Hopefully that clears up things on the financial changes.  With regards to shopping, I did exert my control over Thomas to get him to do shopping, and that was my decision. Again, it could be seen as unfair and that is just part of being in a FLR.  It certainly is not cruel.  I also pushed into the fantasy world a bit.  Partly to add fun and part of it was just me getting caught up in the moment. Having Thomas wear stockings truly was fun for both him and I. I have no desire to feminize him but I do get a kick out of how he gets both turned on and embarrassed by it.  I did it more to appeal to his fantasies but have to admit that in the moment,  I got a rush out of dressing him in a garter belt and stockings. It was thrilling for me to see his demeanor change to passive, shy, and even more submissive during the process.  I know he was aroused by it as well and this also excited me.   I am certain that the sensations of the silk stockings rubbing over his legs while he shopped was exciting for him and will be ingrained in his mind for quite some time.  These are the things that make the moments memorable for Thomas and also make chores fun or exciting for him.

The discipline jar was the most practical change and was handle in a very typical way. This was a way for me to adapt to our current busy lifestyle and it has worked out very well so far.  I will provide an update on it in my next post.

When the weekend was over, Thomas could not thank me enough for what I did. He said it was one of the most exciting weekends for him and he loved how I dominated him, controlled him, and teased him.  His was very aware that I was using teasing to weaken his mind and exert control and he loved it. He knew there was a fantasy aspect to it and that it was not abusive.  It truly was a fun and intimate weekend for us.