Sunday, July 9, 2017

The Busy Dominant Wife - Part V

Technique 2: Give him assignments, tasks, and new rules that reinforce your authority over him, surface his submissive emotions, and/or arouse him.

The primary goals of these "submissive assignments" are to keep his mind in submissive mode, keep him aroused, and keep him thinking about serving and obeying you.These assignments focus on the psychological aspects of your control over him.  Submissive assignments are perfect for the busy domme because once assigned, they take very little of her time.  The submissive on the other hand, spends his day (or in some cases several days) focused on the assignment. During the assignment he feels the wife's control even though she is not present.  In essence, a perceived reality of dominance is created for him while the Dominant Wife is off doing her day-to-day things.

Some examples are below.  As a reminder, these types of things are not key to a FLR and it is up to you to choose whether or not to implement them. They are fun ideas that are easy to do and can help keep your submissive husband's arousal and submissive desires heightened, which in turn motivates him to serve you.

Order him to research FLR articles for you and domination techniques.  You can keep it broad or ask him to research a specific topic such as chastity or cuckolding.  Remember that the goal is to keep him submissive, aroused, and thinking about serving you.  Therefore, the topics you pick do not have to be things you are thinking about.  It can be fun to give him a topic that is outside of what your currently do because it will make him start to wonder if you are considering doing it.  Imagine if you asked him to research cuckolding. You could have some fun with that one by not committing one way or the other whether you want to do it or you could hint that the idea turns you on a bit (even though it may not and you never intend to do it). That kind of mental teasing drives submissive men wild and plays into their submissive desires.  His mind will go wild with fantasies of being a cuckold to you.  Other strategies include picking a topic that is a turn on for him, picking a topic that you want to learn more about, or letting him choose what to bring back to you (this will give you an idea of what he is fantasizing about).

There are many benefits with this technique and I use it often. Through the research process he will have to read many different articles and blogs and put together a summary of what he has read or print out some of the good articles for you to read. This repetitive reading about FLR and femdom will most definitely put his mind in submissive mode and cause his mind to fantasize about being in those situations, which of course will keep him in a very aroused and obedient state.  The repetitive reading is also good training for him.  He will learn things that will make him a better servant to you. Another benefit is that you will get good educational material and ideas for yourself.  You may find that a lot of the information is not really what you are looking for but if you get just one or two good ideas or advice from his research, then it is a great thing. Having him do research for you is also a time saver for you since he does all the reading and eliminates duplicate information and weeds out the garbage (although you have to be careful that he does not take too much liberty in determining what is garbage).  Once you have the articles or summary from him you can read them at your leisure. Sometimes I will read it while he massage my feet and then comment on things or ask him questions about what ideas he likes.

Over the years I have learned a tremendous amount from these readings and have picked up many great ideas that I have applied to my FLR.  Also, for me in the early years,  some of the information helped to validate that what I was already doing was a good thing. When I would read that others were doing some of the same things I was doing it gave me more confidence that I was going down the right path.

Order him to find one or two videos or erotic stories about a certain topic of your choosing or of a scene that really turns him on.  I am sure some of you are surprised that I am suggesting this one.  After all, it is common for women who start taking authority over their husband to cutoff his porn habit. However, the difference here is that you are giving him specific direction and permission to do it. You are giving meaning and purpose to what he is doing and linking it back to you.  He will not be looking at porn solely for his own satisfaction. He will be looking at it with the purpose of pleasing you and hoping that you will make the scene come to reality with him.  It is very important that you are clear in your direction to him that he is doing it for you.  You can have fun with it and tell him that you are ordering him to do this so that you get ideas on how to drive him wild because you know it will make him weaker and give you more control over him.  You can tell him that you are giving this task simply to tease him because you know how excited he will get by it.  Be creative and have fun. The redirection of his thought process towards you instead of just generic selfish pleasure is powerful and can strengthen his submissive desires toward you.   The irony here is that you are taking something that is often a deterrent to a good relationship and turning it into a tool to gain authority over him.  The benefits of this assignment are very similar to the research assignment noted above. I have picked up a few ideas from the videos.  Watching another women tease/dominate a man can be very educational and informative and more insightful than reading about it.  Use this technique with caution and sparingly as you do not want to create a porn habit.

Order him to do assignments that keep him focused on you and his submission  These are assignments that play into his submissive desires.  For example, have him clean and organize all your shoes.  Submissive men love to kneel at a woman's feet or worship their feet. Shoes are associated with your feet and so the simple task of cleaning them will stir up those submissive desires and may even excite him.  For added fun, make him kiss each one before cleaning it or require him to put his nose inside each one and smell your beautiful scent before cleaning.  These little tasks will drive him wild.  Link the task back to you by telling him that as a Goddess, you deserve to have clean shoes and it his job as your slave to keep them clean.

Another idea is to have him hand wash your panties.  Men go crazy over panties and so this will surely excite him and surface his submission.  Require that he kiss or sniff your scent from each pair before cleaning. With Thomas I refer to this as worshiping my panties. Trust me on this one Ladies, he will love this requirement.  Give him the direction to wash each pair individually so that he can admire and worship each of your beautiful panties.

Other ideas include having him polish your latex fetish wear, clean your sex toys, practice sucking a dildo so he can perform well for you, refolding your lingerie, and shopping for you to buy you things like panties, lingerie, toys, or shoes. Be creative and have fun with these assignments.  The goal is to give him something to do that will stir up his submissive desires and keep him focused on his obedience to you.  If he has any type of "hot button" or fetish, find assignments that play into those fetishes.  You are most definitely tapping into the kink part of the relationship with these assignments.

Be sure to talk up the assignment and link it back to you or his submission.  The more you can attach emotion and meaning to the assignment, the more effective it will be in creating that perceived dominance while he is doing it and the more submissive he will feel while doing it.  I also like to tell him that he must be fully aroused (erect) before beginning his assignment.  This is usually not an issue for him. lol!   These are assignments that can be done on his own time when you are not around.  Simply give him the orders and a due date or time.  If he does not complete these assignments to your expectations, issue a punishment and have him do them again.

Technique 3:  Order him to masturbate for you  
When you just don't have the time to tease him, make him do it to himself.  You can have him do it while you are sitting in bed reading, watching TV, or sitting at a table doing work.  The order is simple - "tease yourself to the edge but no cumming."  You can also make him lick-up any leakage.  If you trust that your husband will obey you and can restrain himself from orgasm, you can order him to masturbate outside of your presence.  For example, during times when I've been really busy and have had no time to tease him, I have ordered Thomas to masturbate to the edge every morning in the shower.  While he did it, he was to think about how wonderful it is to be my submissive husband and server and obey me.  It can also be fun to have him do it in the middle of day at work or at a random time when he is out.  He has to find a bathroom or private place to do it.  Be sure to order him to think about you while he is stroking.  These little "worship" sessions will keep him focused on you during the day.  You can give him the instructions in advance or you can be spontaneous.  Why not send him a text one day while he is at work that simply says,,,"I want you to spend 5 minutes worshiping me before you leave work today"?  Make sure he reports back when it's done :)

Just to be clear this is not an open order for him to masturbate.  You are controlling when and how he masturbates.  You are giving specific direction on what he is to do and what he is to think about while masturbating.  He is masturbating not because he wants to but because you want him to masturbate for you.  Therefore, you are in complete control of the situation and still have authority over him. This is a very effective technique to control him.  However, it should only be used if you have confidence that he can refrain from orgasm.

That is all the techniques for now.  I will follow-up with one more post with closing remarks.  If you have any more ideas, please share.


  1. Firstly, please allow me to profusely thank you for your wonderful BLOG. I have been serving my wife for a long time. We try to balance the the realities of life and family with my serving her in as broad and complete way as possible. So I suppose you could say we are 27/7 which in reality probably translates to me serving her directly perhaps 10-15 hours a week. But as your post points out, even when not kneeling in front of her, being motivated to remain in my submissive state goes a LONG way. The fist item is chastity, this goes a long way to keep me focused. List and assignments are great. However, I would encourage you and the other female leaders not to limit the tasks or assignments to just femdom. My wife uses me for her benefit and when done correctly it can be wonderful. Such as slave your goddess wants you to learn this recipe, research and record finding about an upcoming planned vacation. Literally anything she cares about can become labor for me. Its wonderful... :)

    1. Thanks for sharing Robby. Wonderful advice.

  2. You are absolutely welcome...
    Actually one of the things my wife/owner and I do often is read you blog together. She pointed out that another area along with research is just the ability to have her repeat an activity, even when perhaps it seems correct. While this may appear more connected to domestic service (which I hope you cover). She has the ability to simply have me repeat a task. So if my research on any give subject is not up to here standards, I will be instructed to do it again. This causes and an amazing submissive ripple in me and I bet most men. This would usually be in a non FLM marriage where a guy might tell his wife and number of things (most probably sarcastic and unkind). For me I am only allowed to respond, with it "would be my pleasure and thank you :)

  3. Thank you so very much for your wonderful blog. This is a great series that I'm sure my Queen will find helpful. You should develop this into a book.

  4. We have rituals with quotas. Realize that life happens and not every devoting ritual gets done on a routine basis, my wife has given me annual targets, and I have to keep a daily ledger that she also has access to. It's the slave's responsibility to ensure that the rituals, which benefits my wife, is done around her schedule. Some rituals have a quota of an almost daily frequency to accommodate schedule conflicts but also ensures enough devotion to sustain our FLR intensity.

  5. Good afternoon Mz Kaylee! Great post ! Certainly on the kinky side but these techniques do work especially for the woman that wants to reinforce her authority and test his submission in a fun way. The great advantage is that these techniques clearly establish the females dominant position in the relationship and clear the way for more serious control in day to day life. The sexual part of his brain will be excited by the techniques and he will obey without question. In his excitement he forgets that It will be pretty difficult to assert himself above his wife after submitting to the techniques you describe. Got ya ! LOL

    I have to say that I find your reference to Cuckolding a bit surprising but as I have said before it would be the technique that I would find most exciting. It is mental teasing at it's best and causes a flood of emotion every time my wife even suggests that she might find another man attractive . I overcame jealously in my youth but in a FLR I know that my submission provides her the right to not be exclusive . This is a very powerful technique and will rattle a man to his core !
    Your the best Mz Kaylee ! Thank you for another great post!!

  6. One of the big things is stop caring if he DOES have an orgasm. Orgasms aren't the devil, they are a natural function of a healthy human being with a normal sexuality so if you are into Femdom just to restrict orgasms or think it's very important that your boy or male doesn't have them you are doing it wrong.

    1. Gigi , we are not " Human beings with a NORMAL sexuality" . We are submissive men who crave to be controlled by the woman we love. There is nothing normal about our sexuality! I love orgasms as much as the next man but I am also keenly aware that orgasms change me in a way I do not enjoy. Do I need to have occasional orgasms ?? Absolutely, but an orgasms is much more powerful under my loves direction and with her permission.

      Take care

  7. In our home I have put in place chores, rules and protocols that are to be done on a daily basis. I don't have to order them, he knows what is expected. And unless there is something going on that is out of the ordinary. He knows there is no excuse for him failing to fulfill his obligations. Every now and then I will spice things up by adding
    to my expectations or changing the way he is to carry them out. Sometimes I will issue special orders for him to complete over the coming week. All this keeps him focused, aroused and very obedient as well as determined to please me and all of my "demands".

  8. This blog is amazing. Great, great wisdom!