Friday, September 22, 2017

Those Weird Kinky Moments That Bring Us Closer Together

Sex is an important part of marriage and I believe kink has a rightful place in the marriage as well. Just about every man in the world would not argue with this. It's unfortunate that many women do not recognize this. When a woman ignores the sexual component of her marriage it creates stress in the marriage which can cause her to be distant from her husband, or even worse, it creates risk for an affair to occur.  Men are sexual creatures; this can not be ignored. Women are sexual too, but for men it's much more prevalent and always on their minds.

In a FLR the woman recognizes the importance of sex to the man and uses it as a tool to control him and maintain authority over him. A woman who embraces her husband's submission and sexual desires will create an environment that strengthens the marriage and bring the couple closer together and connected on a deep spiritual level. When done right, a FLR builds an environment where the husband's life evolves around her not just because there are rules, but because he worships her, adores her, and is addicted to her authority and control. In this type of environment, the man feels lucky to be married to his wife and strives to to please her any way he can. The thought of an affair is non-existent.

Many women struggle with embracing their inner Goddess or Mistress. This includes letting their inhibitions go and actively using their husband's sexual desires and fantasies as tools to elevate her control and authority over him. It was something that took me awhile to understand and embrace and when I did, it opened up a whole new world to me. Here is the crazy thing - In talking with a friend of mine (you know who you are :)), we both came to the conclusion that those strange kinky moments brought us closer together with our husbands in a big way.  It's something you have to experience to truly understand. Before I elaborate, I'd like to share a few quotes from Elise Sutton. I consider her an expert on female authority and she has been a wonderful influence on both my husband and I.  In the early years of our FLR, my husband bought me one of her books and it helped me to understand how real and fulfilling a FLR lifestyle is.

"Men create the majority of FemDom art, pictures and images to express how powerful women are in their eyes and how weak they feel in a woman’s presence. These images represent what men are feeling inside."


"So I say to the ladies, please do not get offended by FemDom artwork, videos, or literature, no matter how graphic in nature some of these may be. Instead, look more closely at what is being expressed by the male gender. What are men trying to convey when they produce media that shows men collared and bound at the feet of a woman? Ask yourself, why are sites like The Other World Kingdom so popular with men? What do these pictures say about the male submissive nature?  If a woman will look closer, get over her prudish and self-righteous ways and examine the message more than the content, then she will gain an incredible insight into the male psyche. What is the underlying message to all of these expressions, regardless of the content? Is it not simply the male gender recognizing his need to submit to the female gender? Is it not the inner male child, crying out to be disciplined and trained by the female gender? Is it not the true nature of man breaking forth in his attempt to surrender himself to the female gender?"

The entire article can be found here:  http://femdoming.com/what-is-female-domination-female-supremacy/ 

The article also talks about female superiority, which has been a hot topic here the last few weeks so be sure to check it out.

Ms. Sutton's observations and insights are spot on. Women need to understand that men desire kink and submissive men desire to be dominated by a woman. They want to be spanked, punished, held accountable, and put in an environment filled with rules, strictness, and rituals that reinforce their submission. They are happiest and most productive when they are in this type of environment. When things start turning back to "vanilla" their minds wander back to porn and fantasies and the focus comes off of the their wives. Even in a FLR, this can happen. Overtime, the FLR becomes routine and the spice is lost. Men in this situation overtime will often just accept the situation and even start believing that kinkiness should not be a part of the FLR. I've seen this dynamic play out in forums where you have people who have many years of experience in a FLR.  A new comer posts a kinky experience and then all the old timers blast him for it. In those situations, I think it's the old-timers that need to reevaluate themselves. They've essentially been trained by their wives that the kinky desires are bad or that they should suppress these desires. However, I'm pretty sure deep down, those desires exist in those men and if their wives simply played into them, it would take their marriage to a whole new level and the men would not complain at all.

I'll caveat a few things here. For most men, the need for kink declines when they are older but I don't think it ever goes away. I can tell you my hubby is in his late 40's and is horny as ever.  Also, in more mature relationships there tends to be a less emphasis on kink. I believe it's in the best interest of the marriage to always have some level of kink, but the frequency and intensity of it will vary based on the individuals desires and will probably change over time.

I also want to make it clear that I am not saying the old-timers in my example are unhappy or disconnected in the marriage. The fact that they are in a FLR probably means they are happier and more connected to their wives than most other men who are in vanilla relationships. One can certainly have a FLR without kink. The point I am making is that kink is a powerful tool that brings the couple closer together, makes the marriage happier, contributes to the increasing authority of the wife over the husband and for the husband creates loyalty to his wife. A husband without kink is living like a caterpillar, whereas if he had kink, he could experience his full potential as a butterfly and live a much more fulfilling life. With kink he will happily soar on his submissive wings and bring even greater joy to his wife.

I will share a few of my own personal examples to bring some context to all this theory. When I first married Thomas, I never imagined that many years later I would have him lying over my lap, dressed in frilly panties, and waiting be spanked with my riding crop. I did not even know the concept of orgasm control and denial, or that there were wives that punished their husbands. When Thomas brought those concepts to me I thought it was strange and weird but I kept an open mind about it and gave it a try. It was only after living through these experiences a few times that I began to gain an understanding of why the FLR dynamic worked.

One of my earlier kinky experiences was when I focused on the "little girl" in Thomas. I had put him in panties previously, but this particular time, I was more comfortable in my role and I playfully teased him and talked about how cute he was in panties and told him that he was my little girl. The reaction from him was indescribable. He was quiet, docile, almost blank. I knew he was aroused beyond belief.  He was in subspace.  I think he was shocked that I went "there" and I was a little surprised myself. I felt his vulnerability, his submission to me, and my power over him. He was putty in my hands.

It was a very intimate moment for us. It brought us closer together. The next day he could not thank me enough for doing it. His obedience to me was at an all time high the next few days and his loyalty to me increased. He confessed he was embarrassed by it but that he was also very excited by what happened. He did not understand it, but he loved it. How many husbands and wives have those types of very personal and intimate experiences and discussions? When you can  talk about those things, it creates a special bond. It is wonderful.

I have more examples to share but I will pause there for now. Please share your thoughts or similar experiences. I also encourage all of the women readers to explore the kinky side of the relationship. It's never too late to start. Trust me, your husband will love it and it will do wonders for your relationship. If you have any reservations about this, please share and we can discuss.

-Mz Kaylee







32 comments:

  1. Mz Kaylee,
    Without getting into the kink and being just like the creator of the Art I will just say I am both embarrassed and relieved each and every time because I feel accepted. This happens when my wife disciplines me and I will share our first experience. We were dating and on a trip when we had to cross traffic and I started to jog and this just really made her mad. On the other side she said never make me run in heels on a road and I laughed. This made it worse she said "I tell you what put them on and finish the walk back to the room" (yes we wear the same size) again I laughed but she froze and wasn't moving. We were only about 20 yards and two flights of stairs from the room but I asked "What if someone sees" she smirked and said "I guess you better run" That night all I wanted to do is have her hold me. I apologized for days and a confidence came over her like you wouldn't believe and I definitely learned that she was in charge. I know many people will have more exotic experiences but mine happened 12 years ago and I remember it like yesterday. It truly opened up my acceptance and exploration of who I am as a man. I am not sure this is what you wanted but thanks for allowing me to share.

    Mistress Kathys Bobo

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  2. Mz Kaylee

    There is not much left to say on the subject. I agree completely. The kinky acts and play in a FLR are very important to the growth of the relationship. I think the feelings of embarrassment and humiliation are much more important than the act itself. Kinky play in a FLR is an open demonstration of power that validates her acceptance of my submission. It is those intense moments of humiliation that take me to sub space and transform our relationship into something far beyond a traditional marriage. I do not have words to express the feelings and emotions that I feel but I can tell you my love for her grows with each experience. I think my wife is confused by the” incredible “sensations of power that she experiences but has come to loves the new levels of intimacy that the “ kinky acts” create.

    Like they used to say in the Seventies “ Try it …. You will like it” LOL

    John

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    1. That "feeling" and emotion is hard to describe. Thomas struggles trying to describe it to me but I get it. I can see it in his expressions and body language. I know it is a wonderful thing because of how much he craves it and shows appreciation afterward. It really is something you have to experience to understand.

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  3. Mz Kaylee - thanks for your honest sharing. Seems that panties are a big part of kink in femdom marriages. Although I don't wear panties often (only when told I to do so), out of the blue I was informed by my wife that I will be wearing panties all day for the next two days - at work and home. Just that small bit of kink and the use of her authority became one of those intimate moments for us.

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  4. How refreshing it is to see a post like this on any blog, especially one run by a woman. This is exactly what I've been telling any women that will listen. Unfortunately very few of them will try to understand it. Even those already in an FLR tell me that the Elise Sutton site is just a bunch of male fantasy kink and they have no use for that. When it's actually a deep understanding of submissive men's needs.

    The lack of kink does create stress and it does invite the possibility of an affair or the introduction of a pro. The kink that so many women want nothing to do with. Is a very important part of the FLR to a man. And sooner or later he will seek out some way to satisfy this need. And even if he doesn't, he will never rise to his full potential and be frustrated. This will show up in his behavior and his service. I urge women to embrace corporal punishment and as Ms. Sutton says, an environment filled with rules, strictness and rituals. It will put your FLR on the fast track to incredible success. And take your relationship to heights you never imagined. This is not a waste of time, mindless kink or abuse. It's what every man is craving and needing as part of his submission to female authority. Don't deny him or your relationship of this because of some preconceived notion.

    Men are happiest under the strict control of the woman they serve and worship. I have seen this time after time, including in my own FLR. The more demands a woman places on a man, the more she expects. The harder a man will strive to please her and the happier they both will be. Don't be afraid to set the bar high for him, men thrive on that. He will meet and maybe even surpass your expectations. My husbands biggest fear is not what I might ask of him. But that I will take a step back towards a vanilla marriage.

    One thing I have learned is that not all kink is valued by all men equally. And men will seldom tell us their most inner desires concerning kink. They want us to demand, expect and enforce what we want. Asking them to suggest anything takes away from the reality they want and need. Women need to train their men in the most productive way. And if we will listen to what they say and don't say. Watch their actions and reactions to kink in any form. And pay close attention to their body language. They will tell us what they need and what they will respond to. In a working FLR the woman inspires the man and the man empowers the woman.

    With time things do change and one kink may be replaced by another. Sometimes even a small change to as established kink makes a big difference. Women should seek advice and not automatically reject anything. What is absolutely out of the question today may not sound so far fetched later on. Don't be afraid to experiment and try something new. FLR's like vanilla marriages either grow or stagnate.
    The only big mistake you can make is to lose your confidence. A confident woman is a powerful aphrodisiac to any man. And you're only limited by your imagination.

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    1. Great post Sandra.

      I really look forward to hearing your thoughts on the FLR lifestyle. It is very evident that have real insights and experiences to share. I wish more women reading the blog would take time to post occasionally.
      I love your comment "They want us to demand, expect and enforce what we want." This is so true. It is not so important that my wife understands my desires or kinks but that she expresses her desires and expects them to be fulfilled. The fact that she is willing to enforce her desires is what makes a FLR become vital and real.
      Take care
      John

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  5. Agree with you completely, sex and kink go hand in hand in a FLR relationship. Although I would be the first to admit that no 2 relationships are exactly alike. You are probably statistically correct in assuming that the frequency of kink decreases with age, however in my situation that’s not the case, I’m a bit north of 70 and I’m more interested in kink than Ever. That’s probably can be attributed to decreased physical performance due to age.

    I’be noticed that as the years have flown by, my manhood has decreased in size, this has led to my wife saying I now have the size of a little boy which also leads to if you have the size of a little boy, then you shouldn’t have hair, which then leads to all kind of possibilities. Yes, I’ve been told to wear panties and by the way with my small size they fit well and are very comfortable. Ok ,all you guys in your 40’s and 50’s see what you have to look forward to!

    Bottom line when we engage in these activities; role play, role reversal, it takes me to a wonderful place, I feel closer to my wife and our relationship is strengthened. Kink at this age makes all the difference. It’s fun, intimate , submissive and brings us closer together.

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    1. It is fantastic to hear that you and your wife are still having fun with the kink. I have read from other older man, the FLR lifestyle has spiced up their life in the older years and keeps them full of aroused energy. Another great benefit of FLR!

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    2. nice share............

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  6. So Having your husband who is supposed to be a man become a girl was intimate for you Wow you are sick
    Wayne.

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    1. He did not become a girl. It was a tease/role play situation and yes it was intimate for both of us. The specific situation may not appeal to you but I am sure you have fantasies that you dream about having fulfilled. The point I am trying to make is that when a woman opens up to her husband's kinky desires, it brings them closer together.

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    2. Wayne,
      You need understand - some men are truly submissive. I did not know how this worked and get your concern. I have dated many men who were not submissive at all. However my husband is. I am learning that the "gender switch" that Mz Kaylee describes touches some submissive men in a very deep, powerful manner. I think as long as it is safe and between adults it is fine and frankly touches a part of the submissive male soul in a deep way.

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    3. Wayne, I believe you're not being totally honest in your reply and that you secretly desire some type of similar treatment from a female figure. Why else would you be on this blog?? Just accept your desires and stive to better understand them and seek out a woman that you can have a meaningful relationship with. Trust me...you will be more a peace that way. Good luck!! Great blog and excellent information here. My Goddess wife and I are just a few weeks away from becoming empty nesters and we plan on having a formal FLR marriage contract ceremony to kick of 2018.

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  7. Kaylee,

    Your knowledge of "all this" - FLR and how men tick on their insides is really amazing. I will never be able to than you enough for sharing. You seem to get things that I am just stubling into and you articulate them so well. There is so much in your post I want to comment on I don't know where to begin.

    I think one part for me was/is "letting it go" - meaning, I guess really and truly "taking over" and being in charge. I relate a lot to "Mistress Kathy's Bobo's" account of how his girlfriend got mad at him and made him wear her heels home. He did not believe it but she was (it sounds) totally authoritarian. It took him over and in the end made him feel super close and desirous of her - sort of the "worship" thing. I am getting this. It seems to be when I am "totally authoritarian" that is when things work best for us. That was and is the hardest piece for me to understand. I am just by personality a bit "bossy" and my husband is certainly submissive to me so a piece of it was "natural". I think what is harder to get is how much he needs or responds to what I mostly see called "strictness". When I am "absolutely" in charge and totally confident that is when our relationship and dynamic are best - and that is getting more natural for me slowly. Even as dominant as I am I confess it was not "natural" to me to get up on a Saturday morning - expect him to have my breakfast and newspaper all ready for me, eat a liesurely breakfast and then go out to play tennis, shop and have a fun day with a female friend while leaving him with a - literally 7 hour chore list that I expect completed!

    I also relate a lot to what Sandra says - that it is better not to be timid on our expectations of them. I know all men are not submissives - but mine clearly is. I used to feel almost bad for him if I was pushing him hard but I think what Sandra says is true - they like it when you set the bar high and the expectations high. The other day my husband had worked hard and long for me - all sorts of 'home chores' and as tired as he was I told him "Momma has another task for you honey". ("Momma" is a sort of name I give myself with him when I am playing with his mind. It has an "effect" on him I don't totally get but I think it is the "inequality" of it" - "Mommas' are in charge...not boys?

    In any event my exhausted and submissive husband was sent out to the store one more time that day. Despite his tiredness I could see a certain excitement or drive. When he got back with my things (really any of them could have waited) he sat on the carpet with me in the chair and I stroked his head and hugged him and told him how pleased I was when he listened well. (I swear i GET the doggie term some women use. He seriously would have wagged his tail if he had one!).

    I think my overall point here is that this is very intimate stuff. He has deep feelings which are I guess of submissiveness and a desire for me to lead and to "worship" me. It is not entirely a "game" as it seems to have very real "wiring". I think getting comfortable with this degree of control is 90 percent of the challenge. "Society" saying it is weird or not right or something. It feels "right" and we have a deep connected marriage - very deep

    Lastly there is one other thing I think dominant women need "get over" (maybe I am just speaking for myself but it is a hurdle for me). I do not use the term "slave" , not sure why it just does not easily roll of my tongue. Maybe that will change some day. But it is truly awesome to live this way as a dominant woman. He gets his needs met by having me in charge and "worshipping" me but honestly I would be lying if I did not say it was very, very, nice to be waiting on whenever you want it!!

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  8. Hello,

    I really like where the conversation is going. Jess, you mention how you have a very deep, connected marriage through Femdom. Could someone talk more about how being dominant has increased your connection? Can you talk about examples of punishments that make both partners feel more connected? About regular Femdom routines and moments that also do? I think that is a fascinating subject.

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    1. I think it is about vulnerability and emotions. My husbands "hidden self" comes out and emerges within our relationship. I think part of it is "embarrassing" to him but it is also totally real and not deniable. When I bring it out it connects us (even if kinky as can be at times).

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  9. Hi

    I hope I am not being obnoxious but just because this is such a great blog worth saving, this blog really needs a new post. The conversation here is dying out and if we had a new post I think it would go on... I hope it doesn't bother you that I say that.

    I want to comment on what Jess said up there. I think something beautiful about Femdom is that it is totally real and not deniable. That is why I have said before that I hate covert Femdom and consider it abuse. In a real Femdom relationship the Woman's authority and superiority are forefront and recognized and it is totally real and not deniable. That brings connection and intimacy. Where there is open vulnerability together with love, there is automatically intimacy. That is what Femdom does!

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    1. By "covert" do you mean where it's only between two people? If so I tend to agree. My wife of late has decided to "let in" a few of her friends to our lifestyle and we have found that, despite my initial apprehension, the experience has been quite rewarding and also - as you point out - has been a way to explicitly underline her authority and natural superiority. I'm not sure how far she will take this or where it leads, however. So far this has only included showcasing and highlighting my domestic abilities (ironing or folding laundry in plain site, serving drinks, etc.) while they are over visiting and suggesting that mistakes are not tolerated and are quickly corrected. Last week when her friend asked what we were watching on television of late, my wife went over a few things she was watching but then made a comment to the effect that my favorite show seemed to be carefully studying and massaging her soles (since my typical position in the evenings is kneeling at her feet with my back to the television). So little things like this have been a way to increase my vulnerability but also bring us closer together, I feel, while also really underscoring her dominance.

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    2. nice,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

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  10. I'd like to ask something. Kaylee, what other situations have you had when he is "putty in your hand" like the one on the post? I think that's beautiful!

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  11. My wife has embraced and adopted "kink" much like she has the entire FLR lifestyle: on her own terms. For instance, she readily turned over 100% of the chores to me, but instead of any form of corporal punishment or cross dressing (neither of which appealed to her) to reinforce her authority, she took to other means, namely orgasm denial. Even here though, she found something like a chastity cage to be too weird/out there. Instead, she decided that whereas she never really enjoyed penetrative sex with me, she could (with much training) improve and then draw upon my oral skills. I now go without orgasm for weeks if not months at a time, while servicing her exactly how she's taught me, on command. And when I made the mistake of complaining once that I "missed blow jobs", she presented her toes and taught me the "tricks of the trade". In short, while has brought us closer, it has been on her terms and in that sense consistent with a true female dominant lifestyle.

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  12. Hi,

    I'd like to ask, are you aware of the Cougar movement of old women dating young boys? I want to share a video about this with you and hear your thoughts. Please, only Female thoughts at this point!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mu0BBMROQyQ

    I don't endorse the website they talk about on that video but I love the trend!

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  13. It's out of my element as I am married to a guy my age. To each is own. I found the video humorous because of the scripted responses and honestly I don't think most young guys are the way the describe. Just seemed like they were making stuff up to justify hooking up with a young stud. I'd be curious to know how many actually turn into meaningful relationships. I'm guessing not many. If you're into it that's fine. It's just not something I would advocate for. If anyone has experience with this please share.

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  14. Do you think you might post one day again? This was a great blog

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  15. Happy Thanksgiving!

    I hope to hear from you soon

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  16. Another interesting post, thanks Kaylee.
    As you have said, it took you a long time to grasp the FLR concept. FLR relationships are in the minority as far as relationships go. Most women expect the man to lead, as historically, that has been the rule. For some, FLR is a new form of kink, though for others, it is a lifestyle.
    My study of FLR’s, has found it to be more prevalent with older couples, with the man leading them into it. Maybe it is due to his declining testosterone levels, or his desire to keep the marriage sexually interesting, but nevertheless, it is a type of relationship sought after by the man. As Kaylee has learned, this FLR kink has a lot of benefits for the woman, which makes it perplexing that more women are not into it. I also don’t think the desire for kink wanes as one gets older, it may even increase as people strive to cross off sexual experiences from their bucket list. Also too, older couples usually have more time to play, as well as the privacy, especially if the children have left home.
    I learned of female domination from reading about it, and remembered how it turned me on. After many years of marriage, I now had a new idea to keep things sexually interesting with my wife.
    While she was intrigued with the idea, she hasn’t really embraced it. I think it’s due to the fact that I have been the leader and bread winner for so long, that changing the status of our marriage has proven difficult. There have been changes though, that were established in the beginning, while trying to get our FLR going. But for the most part, our relationship is, how it always has been, with me still leading.

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  17. I wanted to post back about the intimacy issue. I am finding incredibly deep intimacy in my growing FLR. I "know things" about my husband and some of them are intensely private but also make him very vulnerable to me. I think that is the crux of it. My husband is very heterosexual and adores women but I have also learned that there is a very real sweet little submissive girl lurking inside him/her. Using this knowledge is incredible I think.

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    1. I find that amazing! Good for you! I think you ought to develop that girly side of her. I think many people we sometimes wrongly consider males are actually Female. And it's even more fascinating when they are really Female but remain as submissive Females to other Females. Maybe it's all those years of being told by society that they are males and them understanding that males should be submissive to Females that attracts them to that roll, but I still think it's great for them to be dominated by a Female who, by the way, has more experience being a Woman. I think it's therapeutic and also very good for Women in general, both those sub and the dominant ones. And I think if you are in love with a Female sub like that you might just have a treasure right in front of your nose. Get that girl inside of her liberated, but always under your whip! Congrats!

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    2. hot comment.............

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    3. hot ideas.........

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    4. Gigi, I like your mind.............

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