Thursday, June 23, 2022

Benefits of a Female Led Relationship (FLR)

I recently stumbled across an article that highlighted 6 benefits of a Female Led Relationship (FLR), which I thought had great insights. The article was a bit of a sales pitch for Women to try FLR and I think it is a great sales pitch. Below I've pulled out a few quotes from the article that I felt were noteworthy. If you are a female that is new to FLR or are thinking about giving it a try, I recommend reading the full article written by JezebelbyNight:

https://jezebelbynight.com/female-led-relationship/

A side note before we begin. In her writings, she uses the term Dominatrix, which most people relate to a leather clad, whip yielding woman who dominates many guys. Do not be intimidated by that reference. I personally would not characterize a woman in a FLR as a Dominatrix because of that extreme connotation associated with the label. To me, FLR is  about loving female control, which is much broader than femdom kink. Keep this context in mind as you read her article. On to the post: 

Jezebel commenting on Women trying FLR:

"This can lead to you growing and changing in other areas of your life, as you find yourself more able to be assertive in situations that may demand it, or more seductive and able to get what you want where you may previously have shrunk into the background. You will be able to command the respect that you may not always receive in life, and this is perhaps one of the greatest reasons there is to become a Dominatrix and begin a Female-Led Relationship."

This has been true for me. I was not a dominant or assertive person prior to FLR. My confidence and comfort with myself have grown tremendously since I embarked on a FLR. Now I am more assertive in everyday life, especially with guys. In the bedroom I am much more adventurous and in charge. When I look back, I find it funny that I was self-conscious walking around naked in front of my husband. Now I feel empowered being naked in front of him. There is no doubt now that I am dominant and very much in charge of my husband. 

"Opening yourself to the world of Femdom means that you have so many things to learn and experiment with, and your journey towards total Dominance will be peppered with lots of fun and exciting discoveries along the way."

Absolutely true!  It is a journey and there is a lot to learn. The one thing I would add is the journey is filled with both fun (ups) and frustration (downs) but as you progress on your journey the ups become much bigger and longer than the downs.

"Even if you don’t end up being a total Domme, you’re bound to find something that you didn’t know you loved, just by opening your mind to the possibility."

I love this statement! You have a lot to gain and nothing to lose by giving FLR a try. You can even start with baby steps by taking control of your husband for just one weekend a month and then as your comfort grows, add rules for him that extend beyond the weekend or increase your dominance time to a full week or more than 1 weekend a month. 

The next excerpt from Jezebel's article is about communication and the bond that is formed between the couple as a result of FLR. This deep bond is a tremendous benefit that I never anticipated when I started my FLR journey. FLR forced us to be more open, vulnerable and communicative with each other and it did it in a fun way. This created moments of fulfilling intimacy that led to a deep connection and trust between us. After 20+ years of marriage, my husband tells me often that he is so in love with me and that he feels like we are still in the honeymoon phase of our marriage. I feel the same way. We are connected together on a deep level that we would never have been able to achieve without FLR. Over the years of writing my blog, I have had several guys and Females in FLRs share similar experiences with me.

"You cannot have a strong and fulfilling D/s relationship without trust and intimacy. Even being able to discuss your fantasies with your partner requires a huge amount of trust and open communication, and what relationship couldn’t benefit from that?

You also have to learn what your partner’s wants, needs and limits are and how to respect them.

As well as building trust in the relationship, sharing your innermost desires with your partner creates a strong bond between you both.

A relationship where both partners have open communication, trust each other, feel connected and bonded to one another, and understand themselves on a deep level is a relationship worth being in, and these virtues will likely extend to other areas of the relationship, reducing conflict and creating loyalty and closeness."

And here are some final thoughts from Jezebel:

"At the end of the day, if you don’t try then you’ll never know. You don’t have to go full-on Scary Dominatrix and invest in a whole array of instruments of torture in order to be Dominant. If Femdom is good for anything, it’s for teaching you how to be open about your wants and needs, stand up for yourself in situations that require it, and sometimes, just sometimes, being able to bat your eyelids and get whatever you want 😉"

I don't know... would I be considered a full on scary Dominatrix?

I had a laugh at that reference but her point is spot on. There is no one right way to run a FLR. You have to decide what is right for you and do the things that resonate with you. What works for one couple may not work for another couple and something that is not appealing to you now, may suddenly be appealing a few years later as your FLR matures and progresses. A glaring example is the last post on cuckolding. If you read the comments you will see there are a myriad of opinions and viewpoints about it. It is perfectly ok to have different opinions and it just highlights that while it is great to listen to advice from others, you still need to apply your own judgement and reasoning on how you approach your FLR.

My advice is to read just my blog and follow all my advice. Just kidding!! You should read as much as you can about FLR and Femdom and try the things that appeal to you. There is a lot of BS that you will have to dig through but every so often you will find a golden nugget. The more you read and experiment with things, the more you will be able discern what is good advice and what is just fantasy fodder. I also suggest that you have an open mind and read about a topic that you might normally pass on and also try a few of the ideas that may seem crazy or that are outside of your comfort zone. You may be surprised at how much you like it. I've had many of these unexpected surprises over the years. I've also had a few failures but they are the moments that you look back and laugh at. To re-quote Jezebel - "If you don't try then you''ll never know."

Good luck and if you try something new, I'd love to hear how it went.

-Mz Kaylee




 



13 comments:

  1. Great post! The most surprising thing to me as our WLM has developed is how submissive Tony has become -- even though he doesn't see himself that way! He would say, "I love being spanked and I love having my cock played with, and all these things I do are to get one or the other. I am not really a sub." I think he is completely deluded and he has become VERY submissive, but I don't care if he wants to think of himself the way he does as long as I am getting him to do everything I want! He has gone from a dominant guy who spanked women regularly to my service sub. He continues to be alpha at work, but he has dramatically changed how he treats all women, showing them full respect at my insistence. I love that he is big and strong and very alpha looking but obeys my every whim. I get "drunk" and lustful on that power!

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    1. It is a beautiful thing when he is wrapped around your finger and he does not even know it. Us girls have a way of doing that to boys. :)

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    2. I related to Trina's posts quite a bit. I never thought of myself as "a submissive" during my early adult life, and all of my power exchange fantasies involved submissive women exclusively. The idea of a man being submissive still seems unnatural to me even after becoming one, and I don't think I'd seek out the same kind of relationship if I had to start over again. I always knew my wife was going to be naturally dominant by personality, but I still wanted a marriage with more unpredictable switch dynamics, where each of us got to enjoy seeing the other person forced into the submissive bedroom role by losing bets or something like that (protesting the whole time in a delightfully arousing way!) I never would have guessed my submissiveness would go this far or be this complete.

      I also had zero interest in service submission outside the bedroom, and from a young age I very much wanted a traditional housewife whom I could keep barefoot in the kitchen and who would accept a life of perpetual domestic servitude and obedience. It took a lot of slow trust-building before I was willing to step into that aspect of the marriage, even as I loved some of the submissive bedroom roleplay.

      Feeling like I've been deprived of all those fantasies from my younger days is sometimes disappointing, but at this point it's been absorbed as part of a larger narrative of teasing and frustration that I find intensely arousing. My wife knows I still have a barely-hidden desire to see women forced into submissive roles, particularly traditional domestic ones, and so she really enjoys seeing me transformed so that I'm permanently occupying that role myself as a sort of karmic punishment.

      The idea that "I'm submissive because I have a brilliant wife who patiently trained me into accepting my fate, despite my initial misgivings, and then convinced me to enjoy it in a way I'm still a bit embarrassed to admit" seems much more interesting than the idea that "I'm just naturally submissive all the time". She had to work really hard for years to get me to accept my current role in the household, and I think she deserves full credit!

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  2. Hi Trina:

    Just a couple comments / questions re your Tony being a "submissive."

    I don't doubt that Tony is submissive to you, his Significant Other, in the context of your relationship. So, does that make him generally submissive in all contexts; I.E., is he generally, or only "situationally submissive?" (From what you say, he remains very "Alpha" in [most?] other areas of life.) Do you think he was originally (before you met) submissive, but he did not realize it (suppress it), or did he gradually develop "submissiveness" through continuing contact with you and your methods?

    The reason I phrase these questions this way is that I have observed that many women express that they never considered themselves to be "dominant", but instead "grew into it" over time with assistance from a submissive male partner. (E.G., Mz Kaylee, herself.) In effect, that "dominance" or "submissiveness" behavioral (personality?) traits can be learned behavior. A behavior that begins with a small psychological "seed" (that we might all have), that is nourished through practice and "positive reinforcement" (like Tease and Denial, CBTT, spanking, etc. for males; deference, body worship, pampering, etc. for females), that grows and becomes nearly indistinguishable from personality.

    Frankly, it is almost always the male that tries to indoctrinate and "raise up" the female, but it sure sounds like you have reversed that paradigm with Tony, right?

    BTW: You stated your belief that Tony is actually a "service sub". I may not be wholly up to date on all of the various classifications or FLR / WLM / BD / DS / SM / LGBTQI+ orientations/nominaclature, but I remember two common ones: A "Service Top" is a person who dominates another person, not for the "Top's" benefit, but rather because it pleases and satisfies the submissive. Similarly, a "Service Bottom" is a person who submits to another person, not for the "Bottom's" benefit, but because they want to please and satisfy a dominant. Did you mean that Tony, being "service sub," is not also participating for his own benefit? To me, from your description, it sure sounds like he is having a lot, LOT of fun, and is very satisfied in his submissive position. (In my own opinion, I think such a person could be described as a "true [situational] submissive."

    -- DP

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  3. To me, a "service sub" is submissive in providing services as demanded by his dominant wife, which Tony does, from household chores to oral worship and everything in between. Top and Bottom refer more to sexual positions, to my knowledge, and have nothing to do with our WLM, nor do your definitions of Service Top and Service Bottom, which I have never heard before.

    Tony obviously has grown into his submission, and still is, just as I have grown into my dominance, and still am.

    I think we are unusual in that we met as spankos, which includes a power exchange that I knew I wanted to take advantage of -- but had no idea the extent to which I would take it or he would accept it. Obviously we are not one of the more typical couples where the husband approaches the wife with the desire to be dominated.
    Trina

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  4. This is great. I like your posts too Trina.
    My wife wasn't outwardly dom until she admitted she does like being in control. I was initially at first but it just caused more issues both trying to be so. I offered her to lead and me by sub. Overall it has worked well and complements our marriage and dynamic.
    She can be her own person and I'm her sub to follow her lead.
    The intimacy is great and probably drives my motivation to please her. At times, I think we have more alone time and other, it may be less. But it's definitely more intense and purposeful.
    From the last post, we've talked about cuckold, I right y she'd be upset about the topic but she wasn't. She just said she's not interested right now. We've evolved to pick and choose what works for us and perhaps it's more vanilla than others but she enjoys it. I'm just along for the ride 🙂
    I'm mostly just used for her pleasure and sent away after she has enough. And it's wonderful. Strange how it is but great

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  5. I think a lot of men and women have trouble with the word 'submissive' in referring to the male's role in an FLR.
    For us, we let that go a long time ago. I am a submissive husband in a Female-Led-Marriage. I wouldn't want to be anyone else.
    It doesn't mean I'm a submissive person to the rest of the world. It does mean I've given
    my wife authority over my intimate pleasure and pain, and I encourage her to exercise that authority as frequently as she chooses.
    Given the wide range of Female-led relationships, it's hard to find a general word that encompasses all the men. 'Uxorious' may actually be the best fit, but that doesn't seem likely to catch on.
    So say it with me, guys - "I'm a submissive husband!" (or boyfriend). Then get on to the things that matter.
    CK

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    1. "Doting." "Worshipful." "Yeasayer." "YesMa'amer."

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    2. Yes, let's not sugar coat it. Submissive it submissive and submissive guys are truly a gift to women so it is something to be proud of.

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  6. I like that my wife works hard to support me. She is the boss in the office and at home. I submit to her leadership and authority. I need her strict discipline, correction, and training to be the best submissive husband I can be. That is my goal. I keep our home spotless and I love to prepare her favorite meals. She expects me to pick her up from work every day and always listen to her attentively. When we get home I pour her a glass of wine and massage her beautiful feet. Then I serve her dinner and clean the kitchen. She is my Goddess and I adore and pamper her. I enjoy serving my Goddess Wife but I still have free time during the day to enjoy activities with my friends. While she is at work I can hike or eat lunch with my friends. It usually doesn’t take me more than four hours to finish all my assigned chores each day. The rest of the time is mine until I have to pick my wife up. She inspects my work when she arrives home. If everything meets her expectations then I can breathe a sigh of relief. Rarely it doesn’t and for good reason. Her friends, family, and colleagues know I am her househusband. She is proud of me. When we were first married it used to bother me when she introduced me as her househusband, but not anymore. Her friends and colleagues kind of envy me.

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  7. I will most certainly be reading Jezebel's article, and others she has written. Thanks for this Mz Kaylee. Having Trina, A.J., and Debbie regularly contributing now, has sure enhanced your blog. I appreciate you all very much.

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  8. Trina, A.J. And Debbie, your contributions add so much to this. Along with MzKaylee, you are really opening up a whole new mindset for me and my wife of what’s possible.

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