Thank you to all who commented on my last post. Your comments are a fantastic resource, for both men and women, to understand the FLR dynamic. Many of you commented that the dynamic is not easily understood by outsiders. I could not agree with you more. It took me many years to understand and there are still fuzzy areas for me. This is why I encourage all of you to share your experiences as well as what is going on inside your head. It is not intuitive and not always logical but it is real and the more people hear about it, the easier it becomes to embrace. I hope more of you share your experiences and feelings. It does not matter if it is repetitive with someone else's comments or if you just want to agree with a comment. The more we see similar comments the more it validates to women the common themes and validates to other men that they are not alone in how they feel.
Some of the things I read from your comments were that you have desires to submit to women and to feel controlled and owned. That you want more strictness and that it makes you happy to make your wife happy and to make life easier for her. Ladies , are you taking notes? You now have the green light to embrace his submission and be treated like a queen.
I discovered with Thomas that the more strict I am the more he enjoys it. If I get into a mood where I don't want to hear crap from him and I am just spouting out orders, his demeanor changes and he drops into submissive mode. I have caught him getting an erection as I'm giving out orders. Lol.
Another takeaway from several comments is that although there are things you don't enjoy, you don't mind because it is a small price for the greater good of the relationship. That is fantastic and a characteristic of a strong man. Whether it be a FLR or a traditional marriage, this is the right attitude. So many marriages fail because sacrifices are not made.
Thank you again for contributing. I can write about these things, but there is no credibility without reaffirmation from your comments so please continue to give your input.
Mz Kaylee
"I have caught him getting an erection as I'm giving out orders."
ReplyDeleteI understand because I respond the same way -- sometimes, it's a matter of a second or two. It's her display of authority that turns me on (Thomas, too, I'm guessing). It doesn't matter whether she's issuing an order, chastising me, or rewarding me.
Thank you very much for taking the time to respond to all of the comments, Mz Kaylee. I took a 3-4 year break from blogging and this was my first time being able to take part in the active discussion topic. I very much enjoy exploratory discussions about ideas in D/s and Femdom and this was a pleasure to be a part of.
ReplyDeleteTake care.
"I could not agree with you more. It took me many years to understand and there are still fuzzy areas for me. This is why I encourage all of you to share your experiences as well as what is going on inside your head."
ReplyDeleteI think all women want to be the focus of their husbands passion desiring only to be with their wives. I make these comments to help them understand.
Women need to be invested in their husband's masturbation habits. Those habits need to be brought under control, and if your not enquiring as to what he's doing in private, he probably is masturbating frequently, and that is definitely effecting the lack of passion he has for you as well as his mood and temperment. You need to let him know you don't want him masturbating or ejaculating without you being present. this might seem odd to you or you might feel it's none of your business, but as you show strength in this area, he will focus on you, and his passion for you will increase. Also let him know if he wants to look at porn, you want to know about it.
You need to take control of his ejaculation schedule. You need to get him to realize he doesn't need to ejaculate at the end of intercourse. Their is a health benefit to semen retention. It keeps their testosterone high. You need to tell them your going to help them with this for their own good.
A research published by the US National Library of Medicine and the National Institutes of Health found that after 7 days of not ejaculating, men’s testosterone levels reached 145.7% of the baseline. The interesting thing is that they didn’t observe significant fluctuations from the baseline on days 2 through 5. The research also showed that the peak levels were at day 7.
You can google all the health benefits of a higher testosterone level so I won't go into that here. But having intercourse daily but only ejaculating once a week is going to require support from you. Of course it doesn't need to be once a week to start. You might think this is unfair to him, but it's for the good of his health.
Once you control his ejaculation schedule, you will be the center of his life, and you can shape your marriage pretty much how you would like it to be. It will be like it was when you were first dating.
Anyway, just some thoughts and principles that apply to the care and feeding of just about every man. One thing for sure if you think your doing him a service by being willing to copulate every time he wants it which always ends with him ejaculating, your destined for routine boring married couple sex, and he will look for newer fresher novel females elsewhere whether it's porn and masturbation or Janice down the hall in accounting. He will be happiest with his balls in your purse.
I can not comment on the health benefits, but do agree that controlling his ejaculation enhances the relationship and keeps the husband focused on pleasing the wife. Some great points. Thanks for sharing.
DeleteI think the only way society is going to improve is when women realize this. But so many women are weak, being victims of their own hormone makeup. They're wandering around wondering why their man doesn't find them attractive anymore, he's jerking off to porn, free ejaculating and satisfied, wanting nothing to do with her anymore or seldom anyway. And then they live in a dead marriage maybe doomed to divorce only surviving to repeat the cycle with their next partner.
DeleteI miss masturbating .... a lot!! So much so, I told my wife I'd like to go back to the way things were when I was ejaculating freely but she refuses to. She loves this so much, and the sex is so much more intense for her now. I told her this morning "I miss masturbating" after living with a raging hard on an hour. She just said "I know you do, but it's not going to happen".
KS,
DeleteYour wife is doing the right thing. You should thank her for having the courage to be firm with you and tell her you appreciate it. Even the strongest women need reassurance and encouragement. Your sexual energy should be channeled toward her. I believe that you understand that. Having said that perhaps you can ask for permission to masturbate in front of her as a reward if you have been good. Having her direct your masturbation can also be fun for both of you. Stay strong KS.
Well, she does allow me to pull on it, but says that I'll never be allowed orgasm by masturbating again. Since she instituted semen retention, she has me sleep in a small room off of the kitchen (as I'm usually more easily aroused retaining semen for days at a time, and doesn't want me humping on her waking her up at night). So, she'll let me pull on it in morning while she's reading the paper and eating breakfast. She wants all of my infrequent ejaculations to be on her vocal command. When she says "You may release your load now", she expects to see sperm with a couple of seconds of the word "now". Just as in interesting side note, she regulates my ejaculations according to how my semen taste. If it taste bitter, it means the sperm is low and it's mostly prostatic fluid which is very bitter, and she'll schedule my next ejaculation seven days later, but if it's very mild in taste, she'll allow another ejaculation in three days. This actually works, and is a good indicator of a man's sperm count.
Delete"Your sexual energy should be channeled toward her."
She definitely believes this. She practices her own brand of sex magic. That's why semen retention for me is essential as it builds chi which she uses in her meditation channeling energy from my shaft to her body during daily intercourse.
I've tried to accept that pleasure for me is only in intercourse and give up the notion of ejaculation except when I hear the release command. It does help to maintain control with the severe consequences she has instituted, and I've thanked her for that. I wouldn't be able to conform without them. They are a very effective deterrent.
Greetings Mz Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteI have been following your blog now and this is my first comment. My wife and I are beginning a trial run/boot camp FLR based on Emily Addison's book. I appreciate all that you are doing together with Ms. Misato at RWDDH.
I also have to agree with KS above that the woman taking control of her man's ejaculations is imperative to making FLR work. Us men lack self-control and need a woman's proper guidance and redirection of our desire toward herself.
I am glad you decided to comment. Please share with us how the boot camp is going. I am not familiar with Emily Addison's work and would love to hear some of the things you are doing. Whose idea was it to try the boot camp?
DeleteThe book is with the 'Around Her Finger' website, and is called "The New Bride's Guide to Training Her Husband". So far the boot camp is going really well, the only difficulty being that we've also been very busy with other life.
DeleteIt was my idea to try boot camp. But my wife read the book and thought it was a good idea before we agreed to do it.
We have experimented with all sorts of things to give that spark back to our marriage, some very different than this path, some similar. But I think this one has greater change to succeed.
I could go on, lol, but suffice to say I look forward to interacting here more in the future.
Emily and Ken's book and web site are well worth checking out, especially the letters.
DeleteCheck out my blog: http://disciplinedhubbies.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteI have to say I feel as though I am at the "tip of the iceberg" in understanding the topic of male to female submission. I feel like there is some deep biologic need that gets triggered in some males - at least in my own husband I feel like that is what I am seeing. The "strictness" concept seems to bear that out. Even though I think I am somewhat brash and do have a "lead the guy" sort of personality - I was not immediately comfortable with being as "strict" as I am becoming. But I have had some "toe in the water" experiences that have prompted me to go further. I noticed that when I had a "tone" in my voice and was more than a bit "curt" I would get a submissive reaction from my husband. Chore directives have become "I want the bedrooms done now" instead of "Can you get to the bedrooms today". Prompting him to do a gym workout used to be "I think you could use a workout today". It has moved into "I want you at the gym 9am - 10:30am - do you have that"? What this tone and disposition does is fascinating. He flips and goes into "please me mode". Who knew!
ReplyDeleteJessica - Thanks for sharing and it is great to see you are making the transition to telling versus asking. That small change is very impactful and does wonders towards mentally positioning yourself as the leader and him as the follower. Your uncomfortableness with being strict and more demanding is normal and common among women who are learning the FLR ways. Keep at it. I can assure you, the strictness is what he craves (proven by the submissive reaction you are seeing) and in not time at all it will feel natural to you.
ReplyDeleteI have gone back to some of your former postings. This one is very interesting to me. Very. I am still exploring the submissiveness that can quickly wash over my husband. Often it is just the way I speak to him - a tone or the actual words. He says it "does something to him" and it is when I am most "dominant" or strict. He says it makes him feel some deep and physical feelings of submission and that they are not thoughts but feelings that he needs to (badly) comply with whatever I say. It is interesting to me in that he describes it (and I have witnessed it) as a "need". It is like he "needs" to submit.
ReplyDeleteI can assure you that he does " need to submit". His desire to submit is so much stronger than you will probably ever be able to comprehend. This is his love language!! When you tell him to do something rather than ask ,you are simply validating that you are in charge and accept his gift of submission. I call these acts " expressions of power" . One simple expression will excite him, make him feel loved and fuel his desire for you for days. A woman can use " expressions of power" to change the whole word around her. All men crave and desire to serve confident and powerful women. It really is that simple! Easytouch
ReplyDelete