I have not had a chance to write a new post because I've been spending some time responding to comments. I encourage you to look back through the past posts and revisit the comments. There have been some good discussions. Feel free to add to the discussion.
I have a few topics in mind for my next post but I need to find time to write. In the meantime, I'd like to pose the below questions to all you submissive guys. Here's your chance to help out us ladies (and guys who are contemplating FLR) by giving your input. The dynamics of a FLR are not intuitive and not always logical. I think your responses to the answers below will help provide insight into this. Feel free to answer just one, two, or all three.
1. What makes you want to submit and obey your wife/partner?
2. Are there things you do not enjoy, but you "put up with" as part of your obedience? If yes, why do you do it and is it worth it?
3. Are there things that you enjoy doing, which you think others (in a non-FLR) would not understand why you enjoy them or would think that you are being taken advantage of as a result of doing them?
1. After reflecting on this for a while, I just realize that I have always been aroused by confident, assertive women. My earliest memory of this is Catwoman on the 60s Batman series. But there are others (Bond villainesses). I just "felt funny" seeing Catwoman in full control of a tied up Batman and found it deeply arousing. To be in a circumstance where the female is in charge is deeply arousing. My wife was not really like that, but when we started male orgasm denial play, she saw the benefits to her, and generally speaking I don't climax unless she verbally tells me it's ok. I really enjoy willingly being tied up or willingly accepting pain from her to really emphasize her full control of my body. It's such a rush to have her in charge. I love the "double standard" of our relationship. If she wants a foot rub, she sticks out her feet and doesn't say a thing, but she never massages me. As an aside, one of our Netflix suggested lists is "Films with a strong female lead". Haha.
ReplyDelete2. Topping from the bottom was hard for me. Once I stopped doing that, things got a lot better for us. There are sometimes that I truly feel like I *need* to have a sexual experience with her, but she is too busy and says no. Or there are times when I really want to act out a certain fantasy, and she doesn't. Or I really want to climax or be denied and she has another plan. That can be difficult, but I have been a lot better at simply accepting it. I just realized that doing so was - from her perspective - questioning her authority and that really bothered her.
3. A: I probably do more around the house than most husbands. I am a bit of a neat freak, and it bothers me to have clutter. B: That our sex life is for the wife's pleasure and that I am aroused by her denying my climax and cuckolding me. That would be hard to explain to my male friends, who probably jerk off several times a week, and probably don't see to their wive's sexual needs to the extent that I do.
lovetosubmit,
DeleteThanks for starting off the discussion. Your first paragraph is very insightful and a good read for women contemplating the lifestyle. It is important for women to understand that men truly desire and get aroused by our authority and control. For many women it is awkward to assert authority or stick their foot out and expect a massage because this is not an accepted behavior in society. If women begin to understand the dynamic better and that it is the desire of submissive men to be treated this way, hopefully they will embrace the lifestyle.
Love the part about Catwoman. She had the same effect on me as a kid.
DeleteIn my own case I have felt attracted to be submissive with women ever since I can remember being attracted to women. When dating, trying to meet the 'society norm' but I could not climax when on top unless I was fantasizing submissive thoughts. I went to a therapist once. He advised me to just accept this as who I am. This was good advice. 30 years ago concepts of FLR and Loving Female Authority were not developed so I had no way to take this advice further into a relationship. I think I am wired this way from birth but also from early childhood experiences.
ReplyDeleteBut the original advice still holds, I can't change the past or my DNA and I don't want try to program myself into something I'm not. In our marriage we were a loving coexisting couple who argued frequently and resigned to a non-intimate existence with each trying to find happiness through mostly separate hobbies and interests. I did notice I was submissive in work and other relationships. During sex my wife was on top in the bedroom because she's nice and I asked her to. Otherwise I was the leader and tried to have a 50/50 relationship where she could participate. But she wanted to 'win' sometimes and my male ego shaped by societal norms did not want to show the weakness of letting her have her way. So we argued and were unhappy.
You note that all this is in the past tense. 8 months ago I stumbled onto FLR concepts on the internet. The lights definitely went on and I followed all the links and read multiple blogs. Nothing in my upbringing or the usual sources of information-newspapers, magazines, tv etc had anything about FLR. Imagine a sitcom with a submissive husband or a femdom non-kinky drama etc. Anyway I proposed this idea to my wife who is anything but a 'naturally' dominant person but is very intelligent and a woman's rights supporter from way back (as am I.) She agreed, reluctantly because it was so unknown to her, to give this a try. I am taking it slow as advocated by multiple bloggers. She is liking it more and more and we have seen tremendous positive changes in our relationship. We are much more intimate and loving and happy. My submissive needs are being met and she is getting her way all the time. Our friends and our grown kids would be shocked to know that I bring her coffee in bed every morning while kneeling before her. I would have a hard time having this be known by them.
I do all the housework (was always neater than her) except cooking. Me washing and hanging the clothes, polishing her shoes etc. I would not want known. What have I given up? I'm retired and have more time, but I don't read as much for pleasure but that's on me as I could give up some tv sports. Otherwise living with a woman I love who makes all the decisions about where we go, how we get there, what major purchases I can make etc is simply fabulous. She's happy, I'm ecstatic. She is getting more and more comfortable giving me orders instead of requests, teasing and making all the decisions. I wish she were stricter, there's some bedroom stuff I might like but probably isn't going to happen. But it's a process and who knows. In closing of this overly long comment, all I can say is thank you to you and the others who are sharing their lives, provoking discussion and disseminating this info. In fact I printed out the 3 posts you had on 'Taking the Reigns of Power' for my wife. Your blog is absolutely great, thanks for making a difference. pete
pete,
DeleteThank you for your comment. It is great to hear that you stumbled across FLR and that it is helping your marriage. There are so many people who experience this change. I have heard many times that FLR is bringing couples closer together and bringing more intimacy. It is so wonderful to hear the same is true for you. The more we hear these positive experiences, the more it validates the benefits of FLR and hopefully encourages others to embrace FLR. Thank you for sharing.
1. What makes you want to submit and obey your wife/partner?
ReplyDeleteIt's simple. Semen retention (which she instituted) make's me more submissive to her. She controls my ejaculation schedule and prohibits masturbation in her house. She's also the primary and only income in the house earning in the six figures a year.
2. Are there things you do not enjoy, but you "put up with" as part of your obedience? If yes, why do you do it and is it worth it?
I don't enjoy semen retention. I ejaculate once on Sunday, but she uses my penis to satisfy herself riding it almost everyday. She's multi orgasmic, so by Sunday she generally has had 60+ orgasms by the time she give me verbal permission to ejaculate on Sunday.
Why do I do it? We have a great relationship, She's gorgeous, and she won't be in relationship with a male that is not semen retaining. The whole submissive thing flows out of semen retention.
3. Are there things that you enjoy doing, which you think others (in a non-FLR) would not understand why you enjoy them or would think that you are being taken advantage of as a result of doing them?
I don't think males that are free ejaculating would understand any of this, and would call me pussy whipped. Taken advantage of? If I want to be in this relationship I need to consent to this. There's about 10 other guys lined up to replace me I'm sure. It is the greatest most frustrating sex I've ever had.
KS - what I observe is the men who tease others about being pussy whipped are typically the men who have marriage troubles. It's better to be pussy whipped then in a rocky relationship, no? I'm glad to see you appreciate her.
DeleteHello, Mz Kaylee, I just discovered your blog and look forward to reading more of it.
ReplyDelete1. What makes you want to submit and obey your wife/partner?
Is there a word limit? :) Aside from the obvious answer of arousal, there are many reasons behind my submission that are both internal and external in nature. Submission allows me to display my love, adoration, and devotion to her. It provides me strong sense of focus by anticipating and prioritizing her needs above all, which helps me avoid potential selfish pitfalls. There is a boost to self-esteem and self-worth when I know she is pleased. The straight-forward meritocracy of the arrangement (good = rewarded, bad = punished) is also very peaceful and dependable without the stress of guessing games or passive aggressive reactions. Nothing makes me happier than looking up at her, seeing in her eyes I have made her happy, and feeling like the luckiest man on earth that she chose me and continues to keep me.
2. Are there things you do not enjoy, but you "put up with" as part of your obedience? If yes, why do you do it and is it worth it?
There are quite a few things I not enjoy but choose to endure. Some are more basic like certain chores, others fall more into play/bedroom situations. With something like chores, the answer is easy: the thought of my Queen trudging through mundane, unpleasant activities is far worse than doing them myself. If someone has to do it, better me than her.
In the bedroom, I promised when we got together that I would do everything in my power to please her and maximize her pleasure. If I refused to take part in something due to my own preferences/stubbornness and the result denied her pleasure, the thought of that is painful to me and not consistent with the man/sub that I want to be.
Over time, I have found that the greater number of things I have had to endure (that I didn't want to do), the stronger and deeper my submission to her gets.
3. Are there things that you enjoy doing, which you think others (in a non-FLR) would not understand why you enjoy them or would think that you are being taken advantage of as a result of doing them?
There are quite a few things that would probably qualify. As a whole, I enjoy having my submission tested and pushed further and further over time as it increases the bond we have and builds even greater intimacy with each new shared experience. The methods involved in this aren't always the most pleasant but I enjoy the process as much as the outcome.
I have spoken a bit about the lifestyle to several vanilla individuals or couples, usually talking more about the principles than individual activities, but the one that seems to bring about the greatest confusion with them is the inequality of orgasms between us. They can't seem to wrap their head around that I would be willing to sexually pleasure her for hours on end and be patient waiting for my own reward until she was fully satisfied. Even more confusing to them was when I explain that sometimes I don't even want to have an orgasm at the end, since I feel I am in a "perfect mental space" and don't want to ruin it by ejaculating. The men are generally thinking, "WTF?" while the women usually respond with a "Where can I get one of those? I don't believe they actually exist."
Take care.
fur sissy,
DeleteI love what you wrote in your last paragraph. Orgasm denial is one of those things that is hard to comprehend unless you experience it. It confuses women because they think something is wrong when their man wants to be denied. Men who have not experienced it don't understand how it can be pleasurable. Thank you for sharing your experience with orgasm denial and helping others better understand the wonderful dynamic. You have discovered the magic in OD in that the teasing and denial is more pleasurable than the orgasm. Not all men achieve this but those that do experience a whole new level of fullfillment.
Thank you for the feedback, Mz Kaylee.
DeleteOD is definitely an interesting beast. Post-orgasm I am prone to falling into a less submissive state that I do not feel good about. It can be very difficult to maintain that type of rational thought "in the moment."
I just have to trust her to decide when my short term pleasure is worth a day or two of mental lapses and when OD is the superior option.
OD also has that great capacity to reinforce status and priorities, something that is very desirable to me as a sub when I am not being controlled by list and baser desires.
Take care.
1. In the end, because I can see how strong and happy it makes her.
ReplyDelete2. Not really. She's careful not to exploit the situation, which has the effect of making me that much more devoted.
3. It turns me on when she summons from another part of the house. She raises her voice to call my name, and I know to stop whatever it is that I am doing and literally run to her to find out what she wants. I have a feeling that mist people in a non-FLR would not understand that I enjoy this!
Fantastic. Thank you for sharing.
DeleteThe way I was raised men were supposed to be the leader in the family.I never thought about submitting to my wife.I can't remember when but I came across an article about FLR and I new that moment that that was what I wanted.The hard part I thought was going to be explaining to my wife.My wife has always been a natural leader so when we talked she agreed we should try and now it seems very natural for us.It was something inside me that I new it was meant to be.....There really isn't anything I can think of that I feel that I feel I have to put up with in our FLR as my wife is very fair in leading are relationship as I do most of the chores and anything else she asks but I really don't mind..........As for the 3RD part my wife and I openly discuss with each other that she is the dominant partner and I am the passive partner or submissive.I think she does share some of this with her sister and close friends but I don't mind .I think a lot of people can tell that she is the assertive person in our marriage. R R
ReplyDeleteBreaking the "society view" of men is a challenge with
DeleteFLR. I think it is great that you had the courage to talk to your wife about FLR. So many men are afraid to bring up the topic for fear of rejection or embarrassment. The stronger man is the one who does not hide behind his fear and has the courage to have an open an honest discussion with his wife
/gf.
Hello Mz Kaylee - My wife and I have grown into a FLR over the past 2 years. Here are my responses to your questions
ReplyDelete1. What makes you want to submit and obey your wife/partner?
I have always had a deep seated desire to submit to a woman. Don't know why it is, but it has been there as long as I can remember. I tried repressing this desire for too many years. It wasnt until I came across blogs such as yours that I learned I was not alone.
2. Are there things you do not enjoy, but you "put up with" as part of your obedience? If yes, why do you do it and is it worth it?
Some of my assigned chores do get a bit boring, especially when my submissiveness is low (when my wife allows me to have an orgasm). Chores such as cooking dinner after a long day at work, and then cleaning the kitchen after dinner can get tedious. However, my wife only needs to remind that this was the life I chose and I have dedicated myself to obeying her and my submissive self become recharged. Some punishment or discipline also helps -- corner time can get a bit tedious after a half hour or longer.
3. Are there things that you enjoy doing, which you think others (in a non-FLR) would not understand why you enjoy them or would think that you are being taken advantage of as a result of doing them?
Oh sure, punishments such as corner time, being paddled, being branded by my wife as her property. I think members of my family (cousins, etc.) know that something has changed in my wife and my relationship as I am more obedient and attentive to her.
Looking forward to reading your own take on these questions. As always, thank you for your insight and honesty.
vic
Vic,
DeleteIt is interesring to hear about your deep desire to serve women. It is often debated whether or not submission is learned or born in someone. I think it is born but often men are in denial or don't understand their feelings and need a woman to bring it out in them. What I wonder is if all men have a part of them that desires to submit to women or is it only a chosen (lucky 😊) few.
1. After about 6 months of growing into FLR with my beloved Lady and new Mistress I think that orgasm denial was the most important thing to start into something which feels absolutely natural to me now - I love the denial!
ReplyDeleteIt gives me the key to use one of an extremely powerful - maybe the most powerful at all - energy resource we two of us have: my male sexuality.
It is an infinite supply, and we/I focus it on my Queen and thereby on our relationship. The positive effects are so tremendous for her, for us and for me:
Her live has become so much easier due to the service I supply for her which makes her veeery happy.
Our love is so strong now and increased so much, unbelievable after 15 years of an always good relationship (not married). Like newly enamored.
And I feel much more energy for every aspect of my live, so many things and behavior changed for me and in me. I feel as a better partner for her and I love her like never before.
So we love FLR both - and it is not worth to risk that by me getting too much orgasms. I hate them somewhat, but I accept 8-12 weeks for health reasons. I feel great in living chaste, definately no device needed!
So submitting to her gave us an extremely improved relationship in many aspects. I don't see alternatives and I'm very proud to be the initiator of this process. It felt surprisingly easy to let power and decisions go away, I trust her to do her job well.
2. Of course I do some chores now which I find particularly boring. My spare time is reduced but is still enough.
I don't like that sometimes I can't force her anymore to keep up with me, f.i. optimizing und filling up our schedule when travelling. Her pace and mood decides. So I have to give in and take back. As always when her decisions wouldn't be mine (which is not often).
I also don't like if she falls back into nice girly bahaviour sometimes which feels so weak for me. But I think that will improve, as her bad conscience to lead me and let me work has already improved.
None of this points is worth to stop our commitment with the many great effects I described at 1.
3. I think the complete FLR thing is mysterious for others (men and women). The role of the submissive is so irrational as another guy commente here in the fairness-thread a few days ago. Nobody understands the power imbalance and how fulfilling it is to serve and please your Goddess - until experiencing that for themselves.
Most people think of weak men who need a strong wife to get on with their lives. But FLR men are not weak. I didn't need a woman to manage my live since I left my family home 25 years ago. It was my free decision to submit to my beloved Lady - the best decision I ever made.
Another point might be that - for me - the core for FLR is not about kinks. So other guys won't understand why I don't get at least some bondage/whip/humiliation/etc. games for my submission. Why I focus on so many non-sexual things to please my Lady while she is not committed to do anything to me except loving me...
Thank you for sharing. 6 months is such a short time. You and your wife have a wonderful journey ahead of you with both ups and downs. Support her and have patience as it often takes time and trial and error for her to grow into a strong and confident leader.
ReplyDeleteIn open discussions my husband shares with me that he prefers to submit because it makes him feel better. He says it feels natural. He has shared that it often feels much deeper than an interest or a desire. It feels like a need to him.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDelete1. To be honest, by submitting to my wife I feel good. At times it's a sexual sort of thrill and at other times I get that satisfaction of a job well done that you get after making and eating Christmas dinner. As I focus more on her she can then focus more on herself and that makes all the difference. Since we have entered into the flr lifestyle our marriage has become stronger and more satisfying for both of us.
2. There are lots of things but usually it comes down to being an inconvenience in the moment. Take out the trash? I'd love to wait until the commercial but if she doesn't mention that then it gets done immediately. The funny thing is, it usually revolves around her having to tell me to do something instead of doing it myself. If I see the trash is full I immediately take it out without thought but if she sees it first it becomes a chore.
3. Everything is the short answer. What most people wouldn't understand is that I truly am happy doing these things for her. The first thing I do in the morning is kiss her and tell her good morning. If I'm up first I immediately get her coffee when she wakes up and if she is up first I offer to get her more. I do the dishes and pick up and sweep the bedroom and livingroom daily. I do the laundry and clean the bathroom weekly. She is a great cook but I cook any day she doesn't want to and always have a meal ready to put together in case she planned to cook but needs to relax.
I always keep an eye out for small gifts, baubles as she calls them, any time I am out and especially if when I am out of town. I buy her gifts on a monthly basis as well as for any appropriate holiday, birthday, or other special day to her. I love to shop for her whether it be online or in stores.
It is such a thrill for me when she shops for herself and I pay. Lately we have become more "open" about our relationship in public. As a matter of routine, my wife will go shopping and select what she likes. Then, after work usually, I go to the store and select which items I like and purchase them for her. One time she even told the lady in the store that I am required to pay so she doesn't have to worry about money.
Over the past few months I have been scheduling her hair and nail appointments and paying for them, with tip of course, up front. All she has to do is show up and be pampered while the women in the salon ooo and aaah over what a thoughtful husband she has. The best part of this is that she is quite honest with them that I do what is necessary to make her happy and will obey her needs and desires because I know it is better that way.
Then there are all of the sexual reasons. Men are raised to be dom but, though I certainly can be, I love the power I have over my wife (yes, you read that correctly) when I go down on her. I love doing it but I do it to her in ways that drive her crazy and sometimes make her beg me to stop. Am I hard? Usually. Does I get pleasure from it? Absolutely. But I go an extra 10 miles for her and , quite frequently, have a sore jaw and tongue and sometimes I shed some blood.
Also, I am trained well enough that I no longer cum unless told to. Some nights she doesn't touch me and some I don't cum because I get into the rhythm of her body and needs and never get to where I need to be to cum and that is perfectly fine to me.
But the newest reason, sexually, is anal sex. More nights than not I have a finger or two inside me and I love it. As a matter of fact, I have cum more in the past month with a finger in my ass than I have inside her in the past year. Last week I confessed to her I want to be pegged by her and she has begun looking.
Of course, the obvious is chastity but I think I'll leave the obvious one alone.