Friday, September 16, 2016

Loving Female Authority

The first time I heard the phrase "Loving Female Authority" it resonated with me in a big way.  It is a fantastic way to approach a Female Led Relationship. Loving Female Authority is a clear separation from a common view that a FLR involves an evil and bitchy dominatrix. In a female led marriage, it is crucial that the relationship is filled with love. The wife still exerts dominance and authority but at the core of the relationship is love and caring.

There are women who dominate men with a different perspective than Loving Female Authority.  These women exert control and dominance over men out of hatred for them or because they believe they are superior to men.  They use harsh corporal punishment and treat men like animals.  Many focus on humiliating men and turning men into thoughtless slaves who do nothing but obey.  Believe it or not, these type of women appeal to men.  They appeal to men because they play into the male's fantasy of being dominated.  Being treated as inferior or as an animal or being with no rights is a thrill to many submissive men.  This type of treatment is a fantasy for many men and I have no issue with it when it is done in a safe and consensual manner as part of fun kinky play. However, this type of treatment should not be at the core of the relationship.  Otherwise, the relationship is unfulfilling and can be damaging to the male over time. No good can come from constantly breaking down a man emotionally or beating him harshly.  If you truly love your husband, why would you want to continually hurt and humiliate him? Sadly, many men are lured in by these women because of the appeal to their submissive nature. They are often taken advantage of or find themselves caught in a relationship that is unfulfilling and abusive and by the time they figure out they are being abused it is difficult for them to get out of the relationship.

Unfortunately because this "harsh" type of dominance exists there are mixed messages when you research FLR.  For someone new it can become difficult and intimidating to understand FLR.  My sense is that many women are turned off by FLR because of all the fantasy fodder that exists and the notion that FLR is cruel and evil.  I am here to say that a FLR, when done right, is not evil or filled with hatred and abuse. Again I want to emphasize that fantasy and role playing is fine.  In fact I encourage it because it adds fun and spice to the relationship and is a great way to reward and motivate your husband.  If you truly love your husband and care for him, then it should not be difficult for you to separate the fantasy from the everyday meaningful authority.  A loving FLR is a wonderful thing and brings the couple closer together and forms an even stronger bond between husband and wife.  I know this from my own experience as well as the experiences from many others who have written about this bond.  I have heard from both men and woman and have read many experiences of couples who have all indicated that after their FLR was in place they felt closer as a couple and had a stronger love for each other.

A FLR should be positive and filled with love and caring.  One of the biggest misconceptions of FLR is that a FLR is one-sided; the wife rules without consideration for the husband's needs or desires. This notion is far from true.  In a FLR, the female is a leader, not a dictator or tyrant.  For the relationship to be healthy she absolutely must consider his needs and desires. I will try to explain the difference with an example: like many men, my husband enjoys watching sports and he will regularly meet up with friends to watch games (I'd say this is a pretty common scenario so it makes for a good example).  In the dictator style of femdom, the wife is only concerned about herself and therefore cuts him off completely from watching sports. The husband is forced to submit whether he likes it or not. His opinion does not matter.  My approach in a loving FLR is that I allow my husband to go out with the guys and watch sports but he understands that it is not a right and must seek approval from me each time. He understands that there are times where he will need to skip a night of watching sports because of more important things that need to be done.  Most of the time I give my approval of these activities but not always. I allow this because I recognize that having time for socialization is important to him.  If I took that away from him, I believe it would have a negative impact on him and our relationship.  Hopefully you can see that this approach allows the wife to make decisions that are in the best interest of the relationship while still maintaining her authority and control.

If you've read my past posts you know that I discipline my husband regularly, I also punish him, and in some instances I've exerted strict control over him.  This is where things can get a bit confusing. How does Loving Female Authority fit in to these situations? It is important to understand that my husband is submissive. He craves and needs this strict control.  He thrives in an environment where I am dominant.  A FLR only works if both parties buy-in to the arrangement. You can not force someone to be in a FLR and then expect it all to work out. There are many articles about women who force their men into submission.  This is pure fantasy and I find these articles humorous. The truth is that it is often the husband who is approaching the wife asking her to dominate him because of his submissive desires.  I'm not saying that a wife can not initiate the FLR. It just has to be done in a positive manner and should not be forced on to the husband.

When it comes to my discipline sessions in most instances, they are more focused on positive reinforcement rather than negative reinforcement.  Discipline is not a bad thing. I use it as a method to motivate Thomas to do better. Thomas even looks forward to our discipline sessions.  The spanking in most cases is playful and more symbolic of my authority over him versus being painful. On occasion it may sting when I want to emphasize a point or when I feel he is not meeting expectations but it is nothing he can't handle.  I have never left a mark on Thomas, just a little redness :) I do not believe in painful spankings or caning. To me this is abuse and can lead to anger and resentment.  If the husband is a masochist and enjoys this type of play then perhaps that is acceptable.  Some men crave or desire this type of spanking so there are exceptions like that where it may be acceptable.  However, a woman beating a man solely because she wants to punish him or prove her dominance over him is not OK.

Punishments are rare and are only issued when warranted. If punishments are regular occurrences in your relationship then you need to re-examine what you are doing and figure out why he is being disobedient so often or if you are punishing for the wrong reasons.  When I issue a punishment it is no surprise to Thomas.  He knows he has been bad and accepts the punishment.  It is important to incorporate punishment into the relationship as this holds the submissive accountable and reinforces the wife's dominance and authority over the husband.  When a husband yields to his wife and accepts her punishment it is proof of his true submissiveness towards her. Thomas has confessed to me that he is glad that I punish him, not because he enjoys the punishment (he does not) but because he wants to be held accountable for his actions and it brings reality that he is submissive to me.  Thomas once told me that my authority over him became very real to him after the first time I punished him. To him, it was a turning point in the relationship where he knew it was not just fantasy and that he was no longer an equal in the marriage.  He was excited about that realization.

There are also many situations where I humiliate Thomas.  I will tease him about wearing panties.  I will order him to lick my ass and tell him that is all he is worth.  These situations are more playful than real.  Again, I am appealing to his fantasies.  He likes a good 'mind fuck' and honestly I have fun doing it to him. There are nights where I just blow his mind and push him into deep submission. These are usually the same nights that I get a little 'high' from being dominant.  On the surface, if I were to describe these nights (and sometimes I do in the blog), they could easily come across as cruel if one does not realize that my dominance is done with love and caring and it is what Thomas craves. The reality is that these are very intimate moments for us. These moments require vulnerability and trust between us. We connect on a deep level.  These moments of trust and vulnerability are part of the fabric that strengthens the relationship and brings us closer together.  I find this hard to explain to people who have never experienced such a situation. Hopefully this is making sense to you.

I felt the need to write this post because on my blog I share personal examples of my dominance and authority that border on the realm of fantasy and appeal to Thomas's submissive nature.  It is important to understand that love and caring is woven into all these situations.

-MzKaylee








12 comments:

  1. Thank you for a well written thought out posting. I could not agree with you more. Femdom is about love and caring. In a sense it is also about nurturing a man so that he can be all that he can be. In my experience submissive men who are in long term femdom type relationships are very happy as well as content with life. These men make wonderful husbands and by extension good fathers. Love,Kathy

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  2. Well said. This is the most concise explanation of how LFA differs from many typical descriptions of the FLR. Madame and I practice LFA in a manner similar to the one described here. There are some activities that she does whose purpose is to appeal to my kinky nature, but most things happen because they bring her pleasure. I refer to our relationship as a wife centered marriage, as her authority isn't the focus, but rather the focus is on increasing her happiness. I guess it could be called loving female primacy.

    You are also probably correct that LFA/P increases the intimacy between partners when both parties "buy in" to the lifestyle. It did so in our case.

    Finally, we typically use penances rather than discipline to correct behavior and attitude errors. A penance is something I do to "make it up to her", be it serving timeout in my box to reflect on the error, or otherwise doing a task that demonstrates my remorse and a my willingness to improve. To us, discipline is the last resort in correcting behavior, and is akin to her drawing the line in the sand about something that penances have not resolved.

    Regards,

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  3. I think the distinction you make here is important. Loving female authority is the basis, the nuts and bolts of what makes an FLR work day to day. However, the more kinky, severe, harsh and humiliating aspects play more into HIS fantasy. So when you're telling him when he's licking your ass that that's all he good for, it's not because that's what either of you really believe. Quite the opposite, it's because you love him and WANT to excite him that you push those particular buttons, while also pushing your own dominant ones. It makes perfect sense really.

    Great post, once again! Psychological sex is the best sex!

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  4. Hi,
    Nicely written. I think men in general respect power, and having it come from an unusual source, a woman, is a turn on. I suspect that relationships such as yours, are strongly in the minority. What you have is a wonderful structured relationship with some excitement and kink, all wrapped up in loving blanket. You both know your roles, and work to keep the dynamic alive. We have tried in our marriage to create the same type of relationship you have, but except for a few elements of the dynamic, have not gone very far. It is probably near impossible after 20 plus years together to change from what has
    already been established. I guess you can't be dominant or submissive if it isn't who you
    are.
    Cheers

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  5. Exactly.

    My wife has never belittled me or called me a name, and I wouldn't accept it if she did. She chastises when it is needed, but never out of frustration or anger at something else. (Neither of us are into corporal punishment, but she has her ways!) Like Thomas, I accept this because it's always justified and because the punishment always fits the crime.

    GG3

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  6. Wonderful post Mz Kaylee. I will share it with my wife. Your blog is excellent!
    pete

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  7. I shared this Blog with my wife. She will like it.

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  8. I just wanted to let you know that I believe your blog is one of the absolute best, most realistic and helpful resources for the FLR/FLM lifestyle .... and I very much appreciate it. I will often forward links of your posts to my Mistress Wife, because I know that she enjoys reading your stuff. Thank you!

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  9. Mz Kaylee, Before I address your post..... I noticed on the top of your blog page you describe what you write here as a "fantasy blog....". I don't agree. You write about very practical topics that pertain to WLM/FLR. I think you should consider rephrasing what it is you are trying to say. Just my two two cents.

    As to your topic, I couldn't agree more. This is a subject that should probably receive more attention by all of us that write about FLR. It is foundational to everything and for that reason deserves more time discussing. I once read a thought in the "Uniquely Rika" book that I've never forgotten. She states that a female led relationship is "a layer on top of an already healthy relationship." FLR should have at their core, love. If not that relationship can never be maintained for any length. Lovers play. Lovers do stuff together. Lovers have fun. Lovers engage in serious conversations. Lovers even disagree. But first an foremost they are and always will be two people in love; eg., lovers. Thanks for taking the time to write and express your views on this topic. I hope you expand further as comments from others give you ideas to do so.

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  10. Hi MzKaylee
    We have not been on blogger in some time! I have been catching up on your posts and am excited to show LO7 . I just need to find the right time , we have fallen out of the lifestyle and have had a tough time getting back in. I am sure your posts will help
    kb7

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  11. Just a terrific and well thought out post - thank you! I am finding this exploration fascinating and your knowledgeable posts are a tremendous resource. I do not speak for others but my sense has become that my husband needs me to be in the lead. The vulnerability has brought us closer. I too punish at times though I do not believe I am cruel about it. My husband has even thanked me for it and has said it connects him to me.

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  12. It makes sense to me. Thank you for explaining your view. I agree with Jessica. " I am finding this exploration fascinating and your knowledgeable posts are a tremendous resource."

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