Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Happily Surprised

I am thrilled to share the post below from Jessica, who has been kind enough to share her experience and thoughts on taking the lead in her marriage. Special thanks to Jessica for her willingness to share and for taking the time to write this post.
-Mz Kaylee


I have commented before (somewhere) on this blog that I have been surprised by what I have come to see increasingly as a "lifestyle".  I feel like it is a bottomless and often very exciting sort of "pit".  For me, though it still feels quite new, I am continually amazed by how deep and powerful it can be.

It is no secret to my friends (or past boyfriends) that I "wear the pants" in my marriage.  Since high school I have always been a bit "brash" and never really hesitated to take the lead in directing boys.That part of things is just in me I guess.  Probably like many women I preferred to be leading things a bit and I usually found boys pretty easy to "direct".  I don't think, however, that I thought a whole lot about it and even though I was "dominant" I sort of thought that's how things were.  I did not think of "deepening" that natural dynamic much.  I played around with guys a bit but I never gave the apparent fact that I could be dominant when I wanted much thought.

I was intrigued when I came across images or stories of "dominant women".  Occasionally I'd see a movie or a show where a dominatrix was portrayed.  When I lived in the City I recall seeing advertisements in tabloid-like papers for "mistresses" or dominant women for men.  I remember sitting in a coffee shop with a girlfriend one day as we flipped through the papers and I was amazed at just how many advertisements there were!  Obviously there was a big market for dominant women to engage with submissive men.  Lots of the themes seemed to be about "punishment" or "control"and having a "mistress" who directs you.  This was all very interesting, though at that point I think I still thought of it as a sort of "fantasy play" that some people were very in to.  It interested me a lot but I did not think of it as much more than just fantasy.

The Internet has been a virtual treasure for me.  I am sure I would not be where I am in my marriage right now without it. I don't know that I would have taken the time or known how to go find information without it.  When I began to look for information, of course a lot of odd or fake material would come up. But here and there (as in with this wonderful blog of Mz. Kaylee) I found things that were quite obviously real. I found terms like "female led" or "wife led" rather than just "dominatrix".  I'll never forget reading some story on the net from some "Plain Jane seeming" lady who was from the mid west and simply directed her husband in all their affairs - in and out of the house.  I was intrigued by it.  

I guess what has begun to intrigue me most is how visceral and real it can be.  I think there are some men who need/want and  are simply more comfortable being "under" a woman.  It can take a bit to have him know that or "fess up" - maybe that is because he feels he is not "supposed" to be that way.  I am increasingly thinking this is a kind of energy and dynamic that cannot be  denied - maybe it is biology...or part nurture...but I have been stunned by how real and deep it can be.  It can afford a very deep kind of intimacy and vulnerability I think.

If someone had told years ago that upon marriage I could put my husband on an exercise cycle, have him do 95% of the household chores, direct him on eating and diet, maintain full control of finances (yes, now including his paycheck), control the sex 100%, always be orgasmic, have oral sex be received on demand, be the sole final decision maker on vacation plans and all other social plans, be served meals in my own house - and have my husband be a willing and very excited happy participant in all of it ---- I would have said no way!  I guess that is what is most amazing - how excited (yes, even thrilled at times) he seems to be to do things for me and make me happy. It seems I am "feeding him" by "allowing him" to do so.  Wild.  

The sexuality is a whole other domain.  I cannot imagine going this emotionally deep without the dominant dynamic. Maybe some people can but for me it is hard to fathom.  I have found deeper and deeper levels of connection and need and vulnerability.  I hope this does not offend anyone, but there was a time I thought the notion of someone "belonging" to someone was a bit much - even in marriage or long term relationship.  I now do feel that I "own" my husband.  I do feel he "belongs" to me - yes in the full sense of that word.  However, I also recognize that with that power comes responsibility and I hope I do not take it for granted.

 Jessica
-

3 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing the story of your journey.

    In terms of what some men need or want, my wife has explained to me that there is a difference, and that while I may know what I want, she knows better than me what I need!

    There's no explaining the draw of domination. As long as I can remember, I've been turned on by the expression of loving female authority. In fact, it's more than a turn-on: It's a reward. Even chastisement is rewarding because it makes me more responsive to her.

    GG

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks Jessica (and Mz Kaylee) for sharing this wonderful reflection on your journey.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Nice post Jessica. I have read and enjoyed a lot of comments you have made and I have a few questions about things that I would want to explore a bit more myself. They are a bit private so feel free to be as in depth as you want (or if you don't want to answer at all that's fine).

    I would want to become a bit more "extreme" in the oral vs intercourse ratio (oh the power rush) as well as the denial process. So I wonder. How often do you receive oral sex and how often do you have intercourse and does the time frame vary. And when you do have intercourse is it for a long or short time and are you in a more dominant position (like on top) or is it more "vanilla" (like missionary). Does he orgasm during intercourse or do you release him at other times (or both) and how often do you let him orgasm. Also, how does your husband feel about it and does he enjoy it?

    FLR Rules

    ReplyDelete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.