Please welcome a new guest writer, Diana. In the post below Diana talks about defining general roles and the idea of a society where FLR/femdom is more mainstream. I've not thought too much about a FLR driven society. This topic was also touched on the last post. I'm thrilled that others are bringing fresh ideas for discussion to the Think Tank. Thanks Diana for your sharing your opinions on this..... Kaylee
New Gender Roles of the XXI Century (By Diana)
I think to have a sane society based on Female Authority and modeled after Female Role Models, Girls and Women should be encouraged to lead, be outgoing and even somewhat competitive (but the Female way is that of cooperation, not competition, so not too much on that one).
Females are to be taught from a young age to aspire to be more, to think of themselves as leaders. This is already happening. Most college degrees are earned by Females, for example.
I think males should be loved, cared for and ... taught to please Women. Even if you think you should not force the Femdom lifestyle onto others, and I would totally agree, I think Femdom will ultimately expand to become one day mainstream and maybe one day even a majority or plurality lifestyle. I totally think this is achievable and we shouldn't strive for less than at least go mainstream.
So even if you don't think all males will want to live in a Femdom society (that's also true of all Females), should males have the same roles in a Femdom society than in society at large?
Of course not!
I think acknowledging this is the cornerstone of Femdom! You just CAN'T have Femdom and the same roles as vanilla society - it just ceases to be Femdom! And the key is this; inequality.
Western society is very much built upon the ideas of equality. Equality, however, has a downside. People are not the same. One thing is to be valued, and another is to be the same. Males can be loved, valued, and have great lives. They can be rich, happy, and very free.
However, part of this freedom is the freedom to be who they truly want to be. Some males, and it's probably true of all males who genuinely are oriented towards a Femdom lifestyle, don't want to be equal to Females! They thrive being the inferior of Females and, guess what -- IT'S TOTALLY OK! It's VALID! There's nothing wrong with that!
So know this for sure, your male is your inferior. You are superior to him. And it's OK! Relish your Superiority and his inferiority together. It creates intimacy, sane gender roles, and puts a lot of pressure off of your male to be something he's not - your equal!
To me that means relegating males to a second status. In Femdom, males should have a say! Yes, they are human! But should they have a vote? Most often not! They have a voice, not a vote, most of the time. I think even politically, it's a fabulous rule for a Female Led household that the males in it don't cast a ballot (yes, you read that right - that males don't vote as in real elections for politicians). I envision the day when there's a movement where males are encouraged not to vote - and hubbies should participate in it openly. I don't know how ready society is for that just yet, but start by having him bake cookies in preparation just in case (because, of course, the boys in that movement will be more persuasive if they hand out cookies, so have him start baking now and the worst that can happen is you'll have a lot of cookies left!)
I think one of the worst things about gender roles in a non-Femdom society for males is their relationship to sex and Women. Women often complain that they are viewed as sex objects, that males sometimes behave with them in a way that is demeaning and whatnot. In Femdom, this is easily corrected by another role reversal - males are to be visually pleasing for Women and accept all sorts of behaviors like whistling at them, even touching them unwarranted, as "normal". For males living in a Femdom lifestyle this should be the norm and not something to stress about. They probably are dying for it to happen! And you know what they are dying for also? To complain about it! Except it's so un-talked about now that there's nothing to complain about for them, and they are dying to play the game from the other side. So there should be an ethical code by which males can be "victimized" in this way and can complain, to a certain degree, but Women will not be held accountable. (This all sounds a little bit like a joke, except it's not. I think you can forgo males complaining too much but in general yes, both Women and men really want to play these rolls - so as long as nobody is really hurt either by rape or by shaming or lawsuits on either side it sounds like fair to me to play these roles a little bit).
Men want to be the trophies Women win. They want, no, they need, to be conquered. To be loved, but from a position of leadership. They need to know they can flirt with Women and Women will take notice. They need to know Women want them. They need to know Women desire them sexually. And they need to know they can satisfy Women from a second-sex position. A "husbandly duty", in fact, is pleasing the Woman in bed - whatever that means for Her. Little boys should understand that as soon as they know about sex (or, at least, they should understand that Femdom is an option and that that is how it is in a Femdom lifestyle... I wonder if any of those boys would ever grow up to want any other type of lifestyle!).
Women should objectify men not only in the sexual, but in the social, in the household... men should take up Women's names after marriage... those are real Femdom gender roles.
And yes, males should strive to please openly. Women are heads of household in Femdom, so males should cook, do household things and... be loved for it!
At the end Femdom is about creating intimacy with new gender roles. I think we talk very little about the gender roles as such and too much about incidents, the way we interact in Femdom etc. but we should acknowledge them for what they are; gender roles. The gender role of the Female is that of authoritarian leader and that of the male is of secondary sex. Women are active, males are passive (to each other). Women conquer males, males are conquered. Males are relegated to second-sex status. This should all be acknowledged so we can happily live our Femdom lifestyle.
I think for both Women and males the primary reason to want Femdom is because we want new gender roles. We are tired of both the old gender roles and the equality gender roles that Feminism brought. Feminism was an improvement - but Femdom Women don't want to just be equals but Superior. Femdom men don't want to be equal but inferior - and treated well. Femdom is about the liberty to live that.
Feminism brought a lot of good things to the world but had lots of side effects.
And yes, Femdom is also about restoring intimacy, stability in relationships and undoing a lot of the bad side effects that Feminism had. Feminism was good, but Femdom is better.
Diana
Hi Diana,
ReplyDeleteAn interesting and amusing post. Thanks for sharing it.
You paint a picture of a Femdom Utopia that will never happen, or at least not anytime soon if ever. It would be fun to experience that though.
How would the stablishment of the new gender role for males be implemented?
Are you the dominant one in your own relationship?
Thank you ma'am for this beautiful text. I share your opinion. Today is a utopia but tomorrow maybe ...
ReplyDeleteFeminism did not go all the way. He did not allow women to be sexually dominant. They should at best be equal to men. Which frustrates many men.
We should present in the newspapers or on social networks our way of life. Not in the sexual aspect but in the aspect of lifestyle and its benefits.
We could organize men's competitions. they would present their body, their cooking skills and should make a speech about the education of children.
It would be necessary to write novels, not pornographic but erotic or sentimental stories where women would have submissive lovers, or women directors would break the heart of their husband but the story would end well.
Yes to the harassment of men in the street presented as a tribute to their beauty or in the form of humor. and for men subject to their wives, they would be punished at home for being too enticing in the street. lol.
very good program.
We must evolve society, go beyond the domestic sphere.
Hello Diana.
ReplyDeleteI so enjoyed your post and agree with every word of it . It is so refreshing to hear thoughts like this from a truly empowered woman. Thank you !!! A man entering into a FLR needs to understand that his desires for submission validates the fact that women are truly superior . This does not mean that in his new role he is somehow less of a man but rather an even more powerful man with direction and purpose . Women who enter a FLR need to understand that his desires for femdom play is a declaration of his belief that you are superior. Diana's post illustrates what we all know in our hearts to be true with bold and straightforward words . I hope women reading this post will open their minds and begin to understand that there can be no equality in relationships. Someone has to lead ! Men are programmed to serve the woman of their heart and women were designed by God to fulfill a man's earthly desire for service.
John D
Hi Diana,
ReplyDeleteInteresting post. I would say the closest you could get, at least any time soon, is a FLR based community. Perhaps starting with a housing development in a liberal city?
It would be interesting and would take a wealthy person dedicated to the cause to get that going. The next part would be people in the community being willing to go public. It would be challenge, probably th local news would come out, gawkers would come through, could even be some problems with people upset.
But if that were to all happen and eventually people realized that these are happy healthy people, maybe the idea spreads.
Short of that I think were a few hundred years away! If we survive that long as a species.
Thanks again for sharing.
KL
Interesting discussion. Anonymous's comments re newspapers and novels and Karl's ideas re new community structures especially caught my attention.
DeleteWill Rogers said, "People's minds are changed through observation and not through argument." Media portrayals have been very influential in normalizing previously unaccepted behavior. Not that long ago simply remaining single was looked at askance in polite society. FLR is a relatively new cultural construction and I think is still largely associated with the male fantasy media, but I believe this blog and some of its sister blogs are a great resource for moving beyond the fiction. Women in general are particularly sensitive to cultural norms, and given the opportunity, I believe directing them to these discussions, whether ultimately persuasive or not, would do much to open their minds and soften their instinctive misgivings.
Beyond this useful tool for couples creating and evolving their own relationship, can anything be proactively done to provide resources on a more public scale and evolve society as a whole? What would a sitcom that included FLR look like? Or a movie? Or a serious novel? Who would make them? How would they reach the general public consciousness? Would it be somehow advantageous if the public at large, though not actively participating, was aware and accepting of this alternative lifestyle, or should it remain a strictly private matter?
I've recently come across a somewhat quixotic project attempting just such baby steps towards an FLR/femdom utopia.
Ms. Renee Lane has written a book detailing her experiences with a dominant/submissive marriage. Her narrative deals with a number of themes discussed on this blog, particularly service, submission, and dependency, although this adventurous couple take their relationship into greater extremes than most readers of this blog would care to emulate. Still, it is an interesting read. It is written largely from a female perspective and has a more emotional and psychological focus.
Ms. Lane and a partner are now attempting to self-produce a film version of the book, and Ms. Lane has declared her ultimate goal is to establish a brick-and-mortar femdom institution (the Mother House) to provide a physical resource for men and women to pursue this lifestyle. I very much admire them for their initiative and resolve, and I am rooting for them.
Will we see additional similar projects in the near future? Although I am more domestically oriented when it comes to my FLR interests, as I suspect are most readers here, I wonder if there is a place for public institutions--clubs, spas, classes--where those open to FLR could meet, learn, and socialize.
This post has yielded some interesting thoughts on a gynocentric society, but I'd love to hear some thoughts on FLR-oriented culture that might exist somewhere on the social spectrum between two married people and all 330 million people in the nation.
I don't share the aspect of "inferiority" of men. Inferior regarding what? Income, education, power? "Value" for relationships?
ReplyDeleteIn my relationship my queen would have a very strenuous life without my service. There are so many things better done by me than by her. I'm proud of it and strive for respect. I give valuable input and that doesn't match with being inferior. Which woman wants an inferior guy (and love him)?
Femdom should raise women and not degrade men. Both should do what they can do best: dominant women leading and controlling, submissive men following and working. Unequal but with the same value for their relationship and using both brains, not only one.
Bringing femdom more into society should stick to the couples' private lives first. Healthy relationships result in better professional work and much more. So show your life as a happy couple to others, practice gentleman behavior. Avoid any offensive, abusive or kinky things. Focus on (jealous) women.
The rise of the female gender will continue but from my point of view it will at least take 2-3 generations to bring fundamental changes into society.
Diana – Thank you for sharing your thought-provoking post. There are a few themes in your thoughts that I like and a few in which I think differently. I like how throughout your post you emphasize the loving aspect of female domination. The is a very important aspect of a FLR. One of my favorite labels that I have heard used is Loving Female Authority. It makes the difference between pure kink versus a fulfilling relationship. I also like your idea of teaching females early in life to aspire to be leaders and be outgoing and competitive. This will build confidence in girls at a young age and hopefully give them the courage to speak out when they are not treated appropriately or even avoid being put into those situations.
ReplyDeleteI have a differing opinion than you on female superiority. I am in agreement with Jim on this one. In my relationship I am in a superior position than my husband in that I have complete authority over him and he is expected to obey me and take orders from me. However, as a person I am not superior to him. I don’t believe females are superior to men or vice versa. It’s a god fantasy but in reality, both men and women have their own unique strengths and weaknesses. Some women are meant to be dominant and lead and some are meant to be followers. The same can be said of men. I also don’t agree that men should be objectified by women and treated in a demeaning way. For fantasy play it is fine but outside of fantasy, I would not find it acceptable. Why would we subject our men to the very thing that we do not like to be subjected to? Doing so makes us just as bad as the men that do it today. Those are my thoughts.
I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on a femdom society. It is a fun thing to imagine. While a full femdom society may seem unrealistic, I think your hope for FLR to become mainstream is certainly a possibility and the more we talk about it, the more potential there is for it to happen.
I agree with parts of this and disagree with others.
ReplyDeleteThe parts that appeal to me are the ones that involve normalizing some aspects of dominance and submission, so that they don't seem weird and kinky but instead seem like a normal and healthy way to structure a relationship. Right now there's a shame factor about being submissive (in general, but especially for men), and only members of the kink community are really willing to affirm it as a "lifestyle". But in a country characterized by the freedom to choose our own relationships, that doesn't seem right. Most of the things I'm doing (household service) don't seem like they should be embarrassing, but should be honored and respected. Instead, being a submissive husband seems somehow to be even more like a "skeleton in the closet" than using pornography, or being sexually interested in women who aren't my wife -- things that don't strengthen my marriage in the same way.
I also agree that many men enjoy sexual attention from women and enjoy being "objectified" in a way that most women do not. In that sense, I think that some role reversal fantasy can be healthy. I know when my wife has her friends over, she sometimes teases me in front of them ("doesn't he look cute in an apron?", etc) -- and I think she has every right to do that. It's a good form of power display for women to use over men, and less problematic than when men treat women that way. Women typically have insecurities about being seen ONLY in a sexual way and not as a whole person, whereas men have insecurities about being seen as entirely non-sexual and being shamed for their sexuality. Even when I'm totally blushing and acting mortified, I appreciate being visually enjoyed by my wife in a public way.
But I also like the idea that submissiveness is a gift I give to my wife specifically, not a universal feature of society. If there were a femdom society that was a mirror-image of patriarchy, I suppose men might "deserve" it in some sense, as payback for the way they treated women. And that can make for a fun fantasy. But I don't think it would work well as an obligation for every marriage. There are quite a few women who really ARE submissive, and quite a few men who enjoy being in relationships with those submissive women. Just as patriarchy was a misery for dominant women and submissive men, I think this would be oppressive in the opposite direction.
The best world is still one where people give themselves to one another voluntarily, not out of social convention.
Oh, and I definitely agree that the feminist idea of having every relationship be perfectly egalitarian is not very realistic, and worse than either option. I think there are some men and women who are excited by being dominant, and others who are excited by being submissive -- but having a perfectly egalitarian relationship is a pretty rare fantasy, and doesn't seem exciting to hardly anyone. I think most adults will be sexually happier in an asymmetric relationship that involves one person submitting to the other in a joyful and complete way, in one way or another. When I was young I had a large number of male dominant fantasies and very few female dominant ones, but some amount of power exchange was always present in my fantasy life. Transitioning from a male dominant self-conception to a femdom one was a little difficult (being submissive is hard work some days, and I'm jealous of all the great sex my wife gets from me!), but still way more interesting and exciting than stopping "in the middle" in a boring egalitarian identity with no roles at all.
But I do think people should have the freedom to decide whether that relationship will be male dominant, female dominant, or involve some switching of roles.
I think Mistress Diana’s words are prescient prophesy. Nobody argues with me when I say we are living in the Century of the Woman. The evidence of Female Empowerment is every where around us every day. When Lewis and Clark got back from their Voyage of Discovery, Thomas Jefferson prophesied it would take 20 generations (200 years) to infill the continent. It took 3 (60 years)! Think forward to the day when the two presidential candidates are both women. When the majority in Congress is Female. 5 to 4 on the Supreme Court. Why might this happen sooner than later? Because we are in grid lock. Because we have had 20,000 wars in 2000 years. Because it is that time in history for men to willfully and joyfully step aside and let Women lead, if we are going to have a future on this planet worth living. Women are awful in a number of important ways. They hold grudges; they are overly emotional; they are scatter brained, etc. But in important ways they are far superior to men: They don’t have a male ego; they are caring and collegial; cooperative, community-minded connectors. Most importantly, they don’t have to win by making losers! In short, Female Rule is what we need most right now. Collectively, across cultures, people across all religions and ideaolgies are feeling it. Bullshit, you say. Perhaps. . . But go down the street you live on, and as you point to each house, tell me, who REALLY wears the pants in that family? Look at your own family. Notice the difference between the young women and the young men? Who seems more mature, more capable? Enough for now, but the comments above are exciting — it may never happen — but let it be known — a new revolution of Role Gender Reversal has already started, and I’m not sure it can be stopped!
ReplyDeleteSuch good posts! I’m not a regular poster, so please forgive me if I inadvertently violate your group norms. I often wonder, are beta males born or bred? For example, if we cherry picked 100 men out of the present prison population, and trained them in the femdom arts, using estrogen supplements, would they, could they, become submissive males? In our future Female Lead Society, I envision every woman having the right to submissive, if she desires to have one. The present prison population is a huge reservoir of male material waiting to be mined. Also, suppose a second and third generation FLR family is blessed with baby girls and boys. Is it possible to raise these boys alongside of their sisters so that they become, with a high probability, FLM husbands? Or are we beta males, simply a quirk of nature, few and far between?
ReplyDeleteThe currents swirling through our society fascinate me. Recent statistics indicate that, in fact, we do have a masculinity crisis in America. Books are being written, and bobble heads are talking about it. Men no longer seem to be men. So, not only have the birth rates dropped below replacement, but fornication is way down. No kidding! How do they know that? Sounds like a great job to me! Standing in bedrooms with a clip board! But let me make my point — we have the wrong advertising agency. Young athletic American women out there kicking soccer balls are not interested in spiked heels, leather busters, and spanking men with limp dicks! But they might be interested in a life-time male servant to cook, clean, and wash their gym socks for free, who just happens to have a perpetual hard-on doing it! See my point? Scratch em where they itch. Less kink, and more reality. Young Women don’t dislike Femdom — they don’t know Femdom. We’re showing them the wrong photographs! Great product — lousy advertising. If society really knew what we’re talking about, hundreds of thousands of marriages would once again include the single word “obey”. And it wouldn’t be the Woman saying it. Thus endth our masculinity crisis!
I whole heartedly agree with Diana's views here. I am inferior to my wife, and as such, I should be treated that way by her, as I am. I do not agree that men should not get a vote though. I use my ballot to vote for the candidate of my wife's choosing.
ReplyDelete