In many of the comments and in some of the profiles on this blog, people often mention they are new to the Female Led Relationship (FLR) lifestyle or just starting out. I like to hear that those new to exploring FLR are visiting my blog, because the main purpose of my blog is to teach others about FLR and help them along in their journey of discovering the greatness of FLR.
I'd like to hear from those of you that have recently started a FLR (within the last 5 years). How have you been moving along in your FLR journey? What are things that you like and what are your biggest challenges and frustrations. Are you stuck? If anyone has given up on the lifestyle and are still checking in with this blog, please share why you gave it up.
If you comment, please indicate how long ago you started experimenting with FLR. Those more experienced in FLR are welcome to comment as well.
-Mz Kaylee
Mz Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteI’m surprised by the lack of comments and feel a little guilty about commenting since our FLR began well over 10 years ago but I well remember the ups and downs of our early beginnings. At first it was too much about what I wanted without fist putting my focus on serving my wife’s needs. I recognized I needed to do a whole lot of reevaluating. Once she was placed “first” then she became stricter. She no longer asked a question, “Would you do this for me?”, but rather, “Do this now!”
We both agree on the day we knew we had a genuine FLR. My wife was very hesitant about spanking me but one day I stepped out of line and she told me to bring her the paddle. The discipline was not a fun experience and I was bruised close to tears when she finished. But that’s not the day we knew we were committed to this lifestyle. Four or five days later I made another egregious error and she again told me to fetch the paddle. It’s when I handed her the paddle, with still visible bruises from the early spanking and submitted without complaint to another sever paddling - that was the moment we both knew our marriage was 100% FLR driven.
A long road but one worth taking.
sw
Thank you SW for being the first to share you experience. It seems that most men are focused on themselves initially when wanting to start a WLM and often times the wife focuses on him as well because she does not know any better. Your advice of focusing on her first is spot on. If there is not focus on her, then she will never fully engage in the WLM and it just stays as fantasy.
DeleteI did not want to be the first to comment, so do not take my delay as a lack of appreciation for your wonderful blog. My wife is not a reader of your or other FemDom blogs, but I have selectively shared some posts with her. Most notably, I have shared your posts on understanding the submissive. These have both helped her understand me and increased her confidence in her authority. I have also given her your post on orgasm management. As it does for many marriages, this one factor has changed our marriage immeasurably. Thank you so much for your blog, Edwin
ReplyDeleteI am glad you are sharing articles with your wife Edwin. It is a fantastic way for her to learn. My husband did the same with me in the beginning and it was a big help for me too.
DeleteMz Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteWe had a WLM for about a year and a half. It was me that proposed it, my wife took to the WLM easily, and it was progressing along nicely. She was getting comfortable with taking charge, giving me orders, adding chores to my list, and even grounding me when I messed up. Unfortunately, at just the wrong time, I blew it.
My wife and I worked together but we set the WLM aside at work because we had employees around. Some evenings when just the two of us were still there she would bring the WLM into the office, and she did that night, teasing me a little and being a bit bossy. Then she dismissed me and I went back to my office and was working for a while when I came across an email that she had sent a client. She had taken a change in direction on the project that we had earlier agreed we did not want to go in – it meant a good chunk of hours that could be used more profitably. I overreacted and marched into her office angrily demanding to know why. We got into an argument about it and it got heated. As we left that night for home she said "Well I guess this WLM is over if you're going to act like that." I was still angry and my big mistake was that I didn't back off and apologize right there. She hadn't been wrong, she had taken a chance at a long-term payoff when there was a slight change in the project - still, like an ass I just stewed about it silently.
So she gave me the silent treatment. I realized I had been wrong and apologized several times but she wasn't letting up just yet. At the same time, we got the bad news that we were going to need to let her sister move in with us. Her sister lived several states away and she hadn't been in our home since we started our WLM. We were busy moving her and getting her set up in our spare bedroom, we were on the wrong footing after my blowup, and unfortunately, we never recovered the WLM as it was. Her sister has lived with us since...nearly two years now. She has no respect for "pussy-whipped men," and calls us on it at the slightest whiff. I do the best I can to pamper my wife and take on the chores in a "helpful" sort of way, but there are no orders, no real accountability, no dominance/ submission. We do get to play a little when her sister isn't home, but it's game mode, not lifestyle. We've made little progress even convincing her that a man doing all he can to help out and to respect his wife are loving acts in a strong relationship, not being pussy-whipped. So, yes, we're nearly stuck for now. We both miss it, but there's hope, her sister may be able to move out in about 10 months! In the meantime, we're trying to turn a skeptic. Ideas are welcome.
Our idea, in return... While not a lot of people work with their spouse, a lot more are working at home "together" these days. Set a workable structure there too to protect your WLM lifestyle. We should have locked that down formally.
My wife reads this blog now and then, I visit often, and one day we'll get back to "the greatness of an FLR" again as you say. Thank you for this blog,
Evan
Wow Evan, you have a lot of twist and turns you are dealing with. I would imagine working with your wife in any marriage adds a layer of complexity. What better testament of your devotion to her than to apply your WLM practices to both your work life and personal life. As business partners with a WLM approach, you can still have open discussion with each other but you acknowledge and accept that she is the "majority owner" and has final say on decisions. That's a good business model if you ask me :). Regarding her sister, that's a tough one. It's always a challenge when a new person moves into the mix. I'm dealing with a similar situation and it is difficult. I'll be publishing a post soon about it so be sure to read it. Having a plan for her to move out is a good move.
DeleteMz Kaylee,
DeleteSorry you're dealing with a "new person in the mix" as well. We look forward to reading how you're solving it.
As for working together, in our case no quote marks are needed, my wife is legally the majority owner of our small business. Operationally she was also the CEO/President. When we decided to start it together we agreed to set it up and run it that way. But she has recently started a new business, she loves the challenges it brings, but it needs her hands-on attention. So, like you say, after our "open discussion" she promoted someone from within to run the day-to-day in this one. Michelle is well educated, young and driven, and has been a pleasure to report to, I could not have been more happy when my wife told me that she would be offering her the position. The two of them have monthly meetings and occasional quick consults to decide the direction of the business. I'm no longer as informed about the day-to-day business side (often I feel I've been demoted!) but it leaves me free to do the back-room technical work that I enjoy. My Wife & Michelle are a good team, the business is strong. That success, her new business, and her sister getting things in order again will combine to free us all up in less than a year. I hope the moment I walk back into our house after moving and setting her sister up in hers, my wife will restore our WLM. I also hope I won't ever have a stupid moment like I had back then either – things can change so fast. I'm working on it, silently submissive to her real-time, and whispering thank you to her later when she's given me some dominant direction in the day, in the meantime.
Mz Kaylee, Thank you for the question, it has made me be introspective, and that is a good thing for a submissive person.
ReplyDeleteWe have been working on our wife led marriage for going on six years now. We have gone from being in a completely 50/50 societal based marriage to one that others now see my wife as the ruling party in our relationship. We have gone from a marriage in which we both played the passive aggressive cards to get our way, to one that has little disagreement. And, if a disagreement does happen, all resolutions will be how she decides.
This has come with a lot of ups and downs. Sometimes life gets in the way, sometimes with my ego getting in the way, and sometimes with my wife trepidations’ over ruling her will to lead.
Life happens. Circumstances occur, like deaths, births, illnesses, pandemics, etc. While we try and not allow Life to affect our relationship, it does and that will probably never change. However, we are much better at recognizing when this is happening and to set boundaries to prevent it from running over our wife led marriage.
Getting my male ego in check has been a big hurdle for me. This can derail our Wife Led Marriage faster than anything. My wife is getting better at addressing this with me and resetting my submission through the use of physical discipline, chastity caging, enforcing her rule that I must ask for permission to do things during my “Free Time”. All three are very effective with me.
I respond well to her physical punishment and the process she uses is very straight forward and very difficult for me to endure. But I am the better for it, because I do like being held accountable for my actions and attitudes. She has become very comfortable in doling out physical punishment if she has decided I have earned it. This hasn’t always been the case. She slowly, over the years, has become quite satisfied with the feelings she gets during and after administering punishment. She also loves the feeling of control and power that a weekly “maintenance session” gives to her. We do “maintenance” after our weekly review session and, depending upon how the review goes, she may drop into punishment mode too. I am very proud of her, and very happy for her to find her way in this part of our relationship. I am better for it, and so is she.
She knows that I am humbled when she tells me to lock my cock into the cage and give her the key. She always has a satisfied look on her face when I place the key in her hand. She knows that it isn’t the denial of orgasm that I am going to miss, because she controls that caged or not. It is my erections that are denied and the changes in my routine that comes with wearing the device for a few days, that is impactful to me She likes that I must watch my fluid intake, especially when we are out with friends in a public place. She knows I struggle with having to use the toilet rather than a urinal, and that the act of peeing and giving it a good shake to clean things up has been denied. She knows I am humbled just to be naked albeit caged with her, and she delights in that and teases me about it. She will from time to time tell me to cage up for no reason at all other than to reinforce my submission to her. Undeniably, my submissiveness is heightened when the device is locked on.
End Part 1 - Bob
Part 2
DeleteAsking permission is the most difficult and mentally humbling thing I must do for my wife. We have been working on me becoming better at this over the last few years. I now never make plans for the two of us without consulting with her first. I also never make plans to do something with a buddy without asking her permission. Over the years this has slowly changed, and now when my friends ask me to do something they know I will not give them an answer without checking with my wife. Just today my best friend asked me to a new car show starting up on Mondays in our neighborhood. We discussed that that is an unlikely day because Monday Night Football will keep people at home rather than at a car show, me thinking, well I would be allowed to go, Monday night is our review and maintenance night, and quite frankly that is more important to me than a car show. When I mentioned this event to my wife, she said, “Well if you want to go, we can talk about it.” People might think that “asking permission” is a weird thing for an adult to do, and it probably is. But I actually find that I am very proud of myself for doing so, and I am slowly getting better at it. She has never asked me to beg her to be allowed to go and do something, but if she did I would be thrilled. Submissive males are a different breed!
Getting her to understand my submissive needs and submissive mindset has been slow, and I would say pretty hard to accomplish. But, when I look back to the day when I asked her to consider taking the reins of our marriage, I see that we have moved a long way into a truly wife led relationship. She tells me that she will never go back to the way we were before. She feels better and feels like she is more herself by leading in much of our marriage. It is a medical fact that her stress levels are down. A fairly serious eye issue directly related to stress of in A Type personality has been largely curtailed since we began our journey. Her over all demeanor is much more calm and she is definitely happier in our marriage. For me, I enjoy the challenges of being submissive. While I really feel that I am leading the life I was meant to lead, changing lifelong habits is not an easy thing to do. I am pleased that she is on board to help me, and that she is enjoying the ride as much as I do.
Thanks again for the question. My best, Bob
Thanks for sharing your progression in WLM marriage. My husband is required to ask permission to do things as well and I love it. Similar to you, his friends know that he needs to run things by me. Sometimes I love to make him sweat a bit by telling him "I will think about it." Most times I allow him to do what he requests because he is thoughtful in what he asks for. He will pass on doing things with his friends on his own, if he knows it will conflict with our schedules and routines. That is a great trait of a well trained submissive man. He does slip every now and then. I recently punished him for partaking in an activity with his friends, without asking for my permission.
DeleteThank you to those of you who have shared your experience with WLM/FLR. I hope to hear from more "newbies." I do wonder how many people start out but do not stick with it. If it does not work out, is there still hope to get back to it?
ReplyDeleteme and my wife are in wlm relationships for about 2 years, that was me who first introduced to her. she becomes enjoy to dominates in every ways, like i have to handwash her bras and panties, pack and unpack luggage for her trip, and massage her every night , etc. but recently she told me that she doesnt like to dominate on the bed. she wants to be dominated with big muscular man. thats is her fantasy for now that she never gets. i am very shocked to hear that but i couldn’t resist her. she said she wouldnt do that without my agreement. i dont want to agree her but i couldnt give her what she needs..
ReplyDeleteMy name is John, and my wife Elaine and I have been married 50 years and a couple for 55!
ReplyDeleteWe started out for 20 years as a strictly loving patriarchal marriage, then 20 years as a egalitarian relationship. I believe it was just a matter of becoming aware of women’s rights and equality in general, and my realization that the norms we were raised by were just wrong! My wife happens to be a bit smarter than me and better at making decisions than me, culminating in a series of events 10 years ago that caused me to go to the internet to research the idea of a wife being the total leader in a marriage. My search brought us to FEMDOM 101 a concept neither of us had ever heard of. In a short few months we realized my wife was hard wired to lead, and I thrived under her authority and control. We have many ups and downs in our consistency, but we are both committed to being in a
WLM! My Wife uses various disciplines to exert her authority, which makes it fun for us and meaningful. We read this blog and others out loud, to help keep us focused and to give her new ideas to lead, and new ways I can serve her without expectation of some kind of reward!
I must say our 55 years together have been great, but discovering Loving FEMDOM has been the greatest!
Thankyou Miss Kaylee from both of us you have blessed us!!!
Love Elaine and john
Congratulations John on a long and happy marriage. It is interesting to see how your marriage dynamics have changed over the years as you have grown wiser with age. I guess putting your partner before yourself really is the key to an enduring and happy marriage. Who leads the marriage doesn’t really matter that much.
DeleteOur WLM has progressed dramatically over the years and I am very happy where it is now. Why wouldn't I be? Tony does virtually all the chores, disagreements are settled quickly and in my favor, I control all of our money, I get licked on demand, I relish the power ... and my husband is blissfully happy because he regularly gets his cock played with and he gets spanked, which is his lifelong fetish.
ReplyDeleteIt has taken us years to get here. As I have mentioned, we met on a site for spanko singles, having both divorced vanilla spouses. He had spanked many women and wanted to switch with me but I was adamant that I would be doing all the spanking. I guess in retrospect that was his first submissive act, to give up being the spanker. I knew all along that I wanted to use corporal punishment in my next marriage; for him spanking was primarily foreplay. But I told him I needed a reason to regularly beat his ass, and he went along. The reasons were plentiful with an untrained husband, and I made sure those spankings hurt so much that he wanted to avoid them by doing my bidding. He still got his sexy spankings but I made sure he knew the difference. Little by little our marriage turned into a WLM without him even realizing it, though I surely did.
Over the years I kept adding chores and taking away privileges, eventually teaching him that the things he thought were rights -- like having an orgasm, going out with his buddies, or spending money on himself -- are actually privileges that he has to earn. Amazingly, he still thinks of himself as the macho guy who met me all those years ago, and I don't mind as long as he gives me no attitude. I like that he looks hunky and acts masculine; it turns me on knowing that I can make this big strong guy strip and do chores with his hard-on sticking out -- bringing me wine, massaging my feet, eating my pussy, with him teased and denied, hard for hours and then iced down and locked up.
I want to emphasize that WLM is FUN for both of us. And it is incredibly sexy; he gets played with virtually every night and gets spanked at least once a week, and he is more than willing to give up virtually everything else in order to have those two things he likes best.
Trina
As I've mentioned the pandemic really allowed our dynamic to progress as it kept me at home. My wife actually gets annoyed/rolls her eyes at the WLM/"femdom" labels, as she associates it with sexual kinks. In fact, one underlying theme for her/us has been reframing our relationship and the whole purpose behind it. I should be putting her needs first and, moreover, making her needs "my" needs not out of sexual want or desire, but because doing so makes her life, and therefore mine, easier and more enjoyable.
ReplyDeleteI'm very late to this thread. My wife and I have been in a FLR for about 4 years. What started with just teasing and foot worship with me trying to take on chores with out any real system or guidance from her.
ReplyDeleteThis slowly evolved into us using the obedience app and the chores were being done exclusively by me. I would cash out for worship opportunities. This worked for a few months, but then as life became harder we stopped managing the app. We went back and forth with this token economy every few months. Then it worked great for us during the pandemic. After we went away from it and never came back.
We did set a fun rule which survived the app which was if I ever see her panties I have to tell her either how beautiful she is or how lucky I am to be with her and ask her if I can do anything for her. This is especially fun when I'm folding and putting away laundry. Also, I continued doing the chores during this in between period.
This summer she took full control of my money. Though she often expresses guilt for spending it even though I tell her it's not mine. She has yet to really assert her financial dominance but I do ask her permission to spend from the account for groceries or anything we need. Once this year she did order me to bike to work to save gas $ which was very hot. I work 6 miles away so it's very manageable. I biked 3 days that week, but to do all my chores we settled on once a week until it gets below 40 degrees.
Since then we have set up a daily debrief where I rub and lotion her feet while we talk about her day what I did chore-wise for the day and what our schedules have in store for the following day. This can either launch into more worship or she just plays on her phone naked and watches some shows while I massage her calves and feet.
She expressed that she has no desire to do chastity even though sex is only me giving oral in many positions. I try to carry the edge as long as I can but I usually break down and rub one out. She doesn't care, but really I just think she doesn't want to manage my dick in any way. I'm a pretty horny slut for her even with occasional relief. We currently don't do any kind of punishments I have brought many suggestions but she has shown little interest.
Mz Kaylee, my wife and I have tried off and on for years, but have always fallen out of the rhythm because my wife, “can’t live in such a sexually charged environment all of the time”. Two questions for you; do you feel in a sexually charged environment in your day-to-day with Thomas, when using your motivators, and/or only when you are being intimate in the bedroom? Similarly, do you feel that in order for a WLM to work long term that the wife/GF be aroused or sexually interested from the power dynamic or dominant/submissive interactions? It would be great to hear in a post about what you think is needed emotionally/sexually from the Dominant partner in order to make a FLM work. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteHello Mz Kaylee I really always live in a sexually charged environment , I’m wearing and chastity cage all the time I’m let out once a day but my hands are cuffed behind my back and my owner / wife unlocks her dicklet and washes it and the cage and then back in it goes , the sexually charged area I live in is very hot horny home but it’s sexually charged by my wife and her lover they are always having sex and I do clean up on them both but I get no sexual release it’s a highly sexual area but in my case it’s highly frustrating that’s the way my wife likes it and when I get a release it’s always a ruined orgasm and I lick up the cum actually she catches the cum in a bowl and spoon feeds it to me she enjoys that and I do lick up cum from my Master’s Black cock and out of my wife’s pussy after they make love but I’m pussy free as far as me ever fucking a woman no chance of that plus that mini cock cage seems to be shrinking and already tiny weenie little nub lol thank you slave cc
ReplyDelete