Sunday, December 11, 2016

Be a Queen / Put Him to Work For You!

In my last post I wrote about the importance of the wife taking into consideration the husband's needs, wants, and desires.  On the flip side are the needs, wants, and desires of the wife/woman in the relationship.  One of the biggest benefits of being the leader is that you get to do what you want and you should fully take advantage of that perk.  I have to confess that it is fabulous being the leader and I consider myself lucky to have a husband who desires to submit to me and to have me lead.

In most FLRs where the man is submissive, the power dynamic is not as intuitive as one would think.  It is a very interesting dynamic that in my opinion multiplies the benefits for both the woman and the man.  An outsider may view the behavior of a dominant wife as bitchy, bossy, or unfair, However, those who have been in the lifestyle understand that submissive men crave to be told what to do.  They want the wife to be strict and demanding. They want to be held accountable to high standards and to be disciplined and punished when warranted.  I regularly see posts from men who complain that their wife is not strict enough with them.  They want their wife to take a harder line with them.

This dominance and strictness was difficult for me to understand initially.  Early on I would ask my husband to do things for me and he would do them but he would often tell me that I don't need to ask and that I should just order him to do what I want.  It took awhile but it finally sunk in and when I wanted something I just ordered him to do it for me.  When I took this approach, I noticed a quicker reaction from him and a little more pep in his step.  Sometimes I would get very demanding, ordering several things from him at once or maybe even reprimanding him about something such as leaving his shoes laying around and ordering him to put them away.  In these situations I would notice his demeanor would instantly change to a submissive nature and he might even get a bit aroused or horny.  Often he would get into a mode where he just wanted to keep doing things for me and please me. The more strict and demanding I was, the more he enjoyed it and wanted to do more for me.  How great is that? So much better than being viewed as a nagging wife isn't it?  It is a fascinating and wonderful dynamic that once understood is very beneficial to the relationship.

For all my fellow leaders out there, my advice is to tap into this dynamic to its fullest.  Be demanding of your husband and hold him to a high standard.  Expect excellence and apply discipline or punishment if he is not meeting your standards.  Expect that your husband treat you like a Queen or Goddess.  If there are tasks or chores that you do not like to do, then you should not do them.  That is your right as the leader. I can not remember the last time I cleaned a bathroom, ironed clothes, or put gas in my car.  I have coffee served hot to me every morning and I get nightly foot rubs and massages.  If I am in the mood for sex, my husband comes running (or crawling).  If I am not in the mood, he leaves me alone. It is always on my terms and how and when I want it.  If I ask or order my husband to do something, he reacts immediately and without question.  These are the types of things you should expect and demand from your husband.

It would be remiss of me if I didn't talk about reasonableness when discussing this topic. You need to apply some reasonableness to what you demand of your husband,  It is probably not realistic to expect the husband to do all the chores.  This is just not reality for most people as there are not enough hours in the day for one person to work a full time job, handle family matters, and do all the household chores. If you overwork him he is just going to get stressed and then suddenly it becomes a problem for you.   However, as the leader, you have the lucky position of being able to assign which chores he does and so you can give him the ones  that you don't like the most. You should feel comfortable assigning him these chores and assigning most of the work to him.  Make him work hard for you and don't feel bad about it.  In fact, enjoy it.  Take pleasure from it and live like a Goddess.. It is all part of the deal of him being submissive to you and you taking the lead.  On the surface this sounds cruel, but it really is a win-win if done right (This is where my last post comes in. By intertwining his desire/fantasies with the chores and your demands it becomes a win for both of you).  You get what you want and get treated as a Goddess and he gets to live out his submissive fantasy and derives sexual pleasure from serving you.

To my female readers, I encourage you to take action after reading this.  Crack that whip and put your man to work for you. He is craving to serve you and be your workhorse.  You deserve to be treated like a Goddess or Queen.   I would love to hear back on what you did after reading this.

To the male readers -  Go out of your way to treat your leader as a Goddess/Queen. Don't wait to be told.  Anticipate her needs and desires and act on them.  Report back and post a comment on how you did this.  That's an order!
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-Mz Kaylee







17 comments:

  1. Even though I had the advantage of a wonderful mentor it took a while before I realized all this. As women the very things that make an FLR successful are foreign to us. It is hard for us to understand how being strict, demanding and ready to discipline could make a relationship better. But this post is exactly right and every woman that wants a successful FLR should take it to heart. While we worry about being selfish, cruel, bitchy and strict. Our men are way ahead of us, wishing we would demand and expect even more. They do want to be worked hard, held accountable and punished.

    It is not being strict and demanding that's wrong, In fact just the opposite is true. By holding back for fear of being too harsh we are frustrating our men. And depriving them and us from experiencing our FLR's to their fullest.

    Women need to know their men and understand their submissive needs and desires. Then use that knowledge to tailor their FLR for maximum results. Be his Queen, be confident, and he will fulfill all your expectations and more.

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  2. " anticipate her needs and desires and act on them"… without need that she even utter a word. That, gents, is golden advice from Mz Kaylee.

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  3. Mz Kaylee - Thanks for the insightful post!! I followed your directive and am reporting back. My wife went out of town this weekend and didn't provide any guidance (she never does, and for the benefit of your readers I am hoping to enter into an FLR). I decided to anticipate her needs and did all laundry, dishes and cleaned the kitchen. I know she was appreciative and of course it made me happy to serve her and make her life easier upon her return!!

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  4. Many women rarely say what she wants.In FLR lifestyle that is radically change. My husband loves when I tell him what I want.He enjoys to fulfill my desires and pleases me.

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  5. Maria - your first sentence is so right. I think even women who embark on a FLR struggle with this. It is often hard to be open and honest for fear of how the other person will react. In every marriage both partners need to be open with each other. What I love about the FLR marriage is that it encourages this directness and open communication. Over time it becomes expected and that is a big part of what brings couples closer together.

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  6. Communication is very important. Women need to learn to ask for what she want. Men need to learn that for woman sex is important in relationship, but not only sex. Everything is important. Sex, attention,love, well done housework...

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  7. I showed my wife your Queen article as I have many others of yours. She not at all a naturally bossy person but she says she's working on it. Since starting our FLR 2 years ago a bring her coffee every morning and kneel and pledge my love and obedience. I'm doing the cleaning, laundry and yard work and fix ups. We are super happy. Today, the day after showing her "Queen", she nicely ordered me to clean the toilets and later give her a back rub. During the rub we communicated about the comments from Mistress Sandra, Maria and others. Although she isn't up for giving me any discipline/punishment maybe some day she'll try it. I don't know how long it takes to get really established in a FLR but we're making progress and love each other so who knows what will evolve. Thanks for your insights. pete

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    1. During massages or 'rubs' it is a nice time to communicate because the wife has his undivided attention. Most times I like to just relax when Thomas massages me but we do talk often in the beginning of the massage or right after it is done.

      The time it takes to get established varies depending on the couple. Some people get into a good routine in just a few months while others may take years. It probably took me 2 - 3 years before a I starting feeling comfortable and confident in our FLR. Our FLR is always evolving. I don't think it is good to get too comfortable.

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  8. Mz Kaylee,
    This life style was presented to me by my boyfriend. It intrigued me because I've been on my own since 2003 and the thought of having someone serve me was.... well.... mind blowing. I couldn't imagine why anyone would turn down such an offer. I was fully on board. What I found out was that I had an issue allowing others to do things for me, even though I knew how much he'd enjoy such a task. I've come along way over the past 1.5 years, but it was your post (which my man shared) that lit a fire under my a$$. I've cracked the whip and slammed down the hammer. My requests are rolling off my tongue like butter. He's cleaning the floors before I stoop to pick up the smallest piece of lint, emptying and loading the dishwasher, preparing dinner and cleaning up the kitchen, shopping for whatever I ask him to pick up, preparing meals for friends and family. (Cleaning up too.) He's made me incredibly happy. And I know he's pleased with me, allowing him to serve. I've got a long way to go.... but you've given me the push I needed. Thank you!

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    1. Sandi that is so great to hear! One of the main reasons I started this blog is to help other women figure out the whole FLR thing and submissive dynamic. It was very confusing for me in the beginning but over time things began to click with me more and my confidence grew and it became a great thing for our marriage. I am so glad to hear that my post helped you. Please stay engaged on this blog and feel free to contact me if you have questions.

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  9. I think this is a bit of an odd thing to "get" fully - at least it was and to an extent still is for me. I was always a bit on the "bossy" side with men even before marriage. I generally had a "follow me this is what we are doing" sort of disposition. Part of that flowed into my marriage of course. The thing that has surprised even me has been just how the "strictness" seems to work. I have noticed that the firmer I am - the more it is "an order" versus a "request" the more it seems to connect to my submissive husbands insides. At times I'll notice myself saying "go warm up the car now" versus "would you mind heating up my car for me" or "I want the laundry done this morning" versus something more along the lines of "can you get the laundry done today". I have also found that there is something (don't ask me how this works) exciting for my husband when I drive him a bit hard on household chores and tasks. I find it fascinating. Thank you for your post Kaylee, just terrific.

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    1. Yes, it is an odd dynamic and a little uncomfortable at first for most women but as you have observed, the strictness works and men love it! I hope other women are encouraged by what you shared. Thank you.

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  10. Great post, great comments! Two more comments from a man:
    Strictness: The man who wants and enters an FLR craves a strong woman, powerful, confident and dominant. That's sexually attractive to him. Strictness of his Queen lets him enjoy this gift with every small thing she does, says or wants. Orders, rules, high standards, no compromises. Quite simple - and irrational.
    I explainded that to my Lady and we agreed that I'm allowed to say "No" if she asks for something in a too polite, tentative way. She switches to ordering then. That works for us, and she learns to become stricter. I love her for that.
    Work: There might be a misunderstanding of women about the evaluation of work and chores in general. They might see them as annoying and time-consuming, a negative duty (which they usually are). But for the submissive guy it's different. For him chores are a way to show his devotion and love to his Queen. He's proud of making her feel good and happy. So the workload is less negative and stressfull to him.
    After finishing my chores there are two other points which work good for us. First, I report my finish nakedly which connects the chores with some arousal. Often, not always, I get a short tease. Second, my Queen assesses my results (must be very good) and usually tells me that she's happy about it. And she never thanks me, because working for her is an expectation to me and nothing she has to thank for. It's to me to thank her for being allowed to work for her. So chores usually end with something like "I've finished...", "Very good, great!" and "Thank you, Mistress!".

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    1. Thank you for sharing. These are great insights that we can all learn from. It is so wonderful to hear others share real examples and experiences as it helps validate that this is not just fantasy.

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