Below is a guest post from Ron S, who is currently in a FLR with his wife and is a new guest writer on the blog. Enjoy. -Mz Kaylee
Are All Women suitable for a FLR?
For all the men that desire to have their women lead the relationship, you have to first ask yourself, is she capable of doing so? Let’s examine some crucial points that are important for that to happen. First, and foremost, is that she should love you. It is the love she has for you that would make her even want to consider leading, and It is recognizing that love, that enables one to consider giving up control.
She should be intelligent and well educated with good problem solving and decision making skills, but mature enough to know her limitations. She should be smart enough, to recognize her man’s skills and knowledge in the relationship and use them to her advantage. It doesn’t matter that she earns less than him or that he has a better career.
She must be trustworthy, that she can control important matters regarding life direction, finances, and relationship privacy. This would be determined by her demonstrating good judgment in past decision making.
Sex, this is the main tool that women use to their advantage in most relationships, but especially those in female led ones. Let’s face it, we men are simple to keep happy.
We are quite content when our women are happy and our sexual needs are being met. An intelligent woman uses her mans sex drive to manipulate him to her advantage. The woman in an FLR should have a healthy sex drive, be creative, uninhibited and playful. She should also have the strength to be firm with her man when the situation calls for it, whether it be with her final decisions or perhaps doling out punishment.
Now having said all that, some women are just not suitable to lead. This is because they are just happier following, either due to their lack of confidence, low self esteem, submissive nature, or cultural upbringing. Perhaps she has determined through their relationship, that he has better leadership and decision making skills.
But for the woman that embraces her leadership role, they will find a satisfying sex life, a doting partner, and enhanced confidence to deal with all issues of her life.
As an aside, the more one learns about female led relationships, the more you recognize which couples have it, even if it isn’t openly acknowledged as such. Once you know, you then begin to see women that have those qualities and potential to lead. Women capable of leading seem to project an aura of confidence.
I want to share a short story with you. Years ago I was visiting a successful optometrist friend, and he was showing me his new stereo. He told me how much he paid for it, then quickly said, don’t reveal the price to his wife, because he told her it was less than he actually paid. I looked at him and laughed, and said “man are you whipped” He had a successful business and his wife worked reception for him, but it was obvious that she called the shots. I didn’t know about FLR’s at the time, but now can see they were practicing one. It was one of a number of examples I saw with them. They did have a very good marriage of many years and seemed quite happy, and that’s what it is all about.
-Ron S.
I’ve wondered the same thing about what per cent of women could be the leader of an FLR. In my n of 1 experience I would say more than one might think. My wife was not at all the typical bossy woman when I proposed she become the leader and I her submissive husband. 3 years later she has evolved considerably! Excuse me while I go make her coffee, bring it to her in bed while on my knees pledging my obedience........😀
ReplyDeleteRon - Thanks for sharing your thoughts and opinions on this topic. I agree with you that love and trust are critical elements for a woman to be successful in a FlR. These are two items that must exist for it to work. You also mentioned maturity and I think that is very important too. One area that I disagree with you on is well educated and intelligence. I don't think education has anything to do with how well a woman can lead the relationship and when it comes to intelligence, how does one define intelligence?
ReplyDeleteThe other attributes you mention are helpful to a FLR but are things that can be developed over time and the FLR could still function if the woman was lacking in one of those areas. I would caution about trying to define exactly what a dominant woman should be. If you are looking for perfection or an exact mold of a dominant woman, you are never going to find it and you are going to struggle to be happy in your FLR. I think many men struggle with this. Embarking on a FLR is a journey. There are very few women who can just flip a switch and be the perfect dominant partner. It took me several years to get to where I am today and it was not easy for me in the beginning. Similar to what Marc noted above about his wife evolving, I am still learning and growing in my FLR.
I believe you are right that not all women are fit to take the lead in a relationship. It's not for everyone but my advice to others is don't rule it out without first trying. Just because a woman does not have a dominant personality does not mean she can not learn to take control of her husband. Thanks again Ron for sharing your opinion.
I found this chart of the statistical distribution of fetlife users from 2014 or so, and it provides at least some decent information to answer the "what percentage" question that marc s asks above.
ReplyDeleteRoughly speaking, it seems like fetish-community women break down as 50% submissive, 10% dominant, and 40% other (with the largest of those being "switch"). It's a little hard to be more precise, since fetlife profiles use so many different terms and they need to be added together.
Men are about 10% submissive, 35% dominant, and 55% "other" (again, with the largest other group being "switch" at 18%). That suggests that there isn't some terrible imbalance between naturally occurring rates of dominance and submission. It also suggests that something close to 30% of all women would be open to trying out a dominant role, and close to 30% of men would be open to being in a submissive role.
I can also say, from personal experience, that I think the natural time evolution is toward female dominance as a relationship progresses. Early on, it seems like younger and less experienced women have less confidence and have preferences for elements of the "strong alpha male" stereotype. My wife says that 20 years ago she wouldn't have been able to be assertive in a relationship the way she is now, not without a lot more life experience. She needed to mature into her new identity. That's important, since fetlife (and dating sites in general) are skewed heavily toward younger users, and so almost certainly undercount the number of older women who have matured into a preference for leadership behavior.