Thursday, January 10, 2019

Female Dominance and "Cuckolding (by Mary)

I am very grateful to Mary for sharing the below post. Her and I have been corresponding for quite a while and I know she has ventured into cuckolding with her husband.  There's been some discussion in the comments of previous posts about cuckolding and so I asked her if she could write about her experience with it. I am sure you will enjoy this post. Thanks for taking the time to write this post Mary!  -Kaylee


Female Dominance and "Cuckolding"

In truth I was always pretty "dominant" with guys. I think I was just that way from the very start. I guess I liked the feeling of "directing" guys.  I did not really think about it all that much back then - high school, college, etc. It was just "me". I was never really into "whips and chains" and even the term "bondage" or "slave" seemed not me and at times a bit silly. I had zero objection to that stuff it was just not quite a fit for me.  Now I am married and my interest in the whole idea of power in relationships has, for whatever reasons, become pretty intense. Frankly it all fascinates me but I think more in what they call the "life style" sense versus what I guess some couples do - "play"?  It is not that I don't play with my husband. God knows I do but I think I am also interested in the ongoing feel of it all as well as some of the "practical" aspects of being dominant and having a submissive husband for whom that fits really well. 

I consider myself an absolute "newbie". Maybe I am less that than I think. I believe without the Internet I would know nothing. Even  one or two years ago I don't feel like I knew half of the terms and ideas that I am now slowly becoming more familiar with. I also think that I did not "get" it. I guess I did not get the depth of how female dominance can be - both for the woman and the guy. Over the last year alone I have learned a ton about my husband as well as myself. I feel that our relationship is incredibly "deep" and emotional and uniquely connected. It is still developing and I find it quite exciting and it feels more alive than much of what I hear from women in "traditional" (sorry I don't know the right word here) marriages. 

If I am honest I do have a little trepidation about writing this piece. That is so partly because it is still new to me and also because I know full well I don't understand it all. I don't say that what I write is true for all or that I have any special knowledge whatsoever. I  can only share my experience. 

Initially I think I felt it was "fun" to be a little "bossy" with guys. I found it not hard to direct them and I sort of liked that they liked it and did not at the same time. My husband was no different. In fact I have learned increasingly what a submissive is through him. I know full well that all men are not this. My husband sure seems to be. So early on I just found our dynamic fun. As time progressed (okay this sounds wicked) I did find it advantageous. I learned to "link" his "good behavior" with a potential "reward". I also learned to limit his rewards pretty significantly. If that sounds horrible or manipulative I understand. But honestly I started to notice that my husband could be made to get excited to do our laundry, grocery shop,
clean the house, get my car washed, pick up my dry cleaning etc. It has become "explicit" that a great day of following my directions (orders) may well bring a very rewarding experience with my right hand. 

This "reward system" has become very up front. Is there a "puppy dog" aspect to it. Yes, absolutely. I sort of think there might be some of this even in "vanilla" marriages. The husband "does good" pleases the wife and gets rewarded. I think what I have done is sort of made that dynamic intensely explicit. There is both a "game" and a "real life" aspect to this. The chore list I give my husband is very real. Often it is darn long. Some Saturday mornings I whisper to him - "I really want you to work extra, extra, hard for me today". It has become a "thing" on the weekend - Saturday's especially. I go out and literally take a total leisure day - brunch, yoga, visits with friends - even dates. "Dates" was the original subject of this essay before I got off on a tangent. Yes, I "date". 

I expect this might be the hardest thing to explain. Honestly it is was and at times still is more than surprising to me. I learned the term "cuckolding" only recently in time. I don't want to give the impression that I am a "party girl" or heading out to clubs with every Tom, Dick and Harry - very far from it. I do, however, at this point have a "boyfriend". I also can at times be a bit openly flirty with guys - yes, even with my husband quite present. Most of my life I am "home". Most of my life I am "just" a married woman. Most of my life, to others, I am sure I appear to be in a marriage not unlike others (though who knows what people really do!). The truth is though my husband and I are not "equal" - at least not in the marriage. He is my husband - there is no mistake about that. I am sure though that our marriage is a bit different than most though I do wonder how many other forms of what we do occurs with others. I really have zero idea.

The reality is I have freedom in my marriage. My husband does not. I do what I want. He does not - or maybe he does, but, what he wants to do is what I want him to do - if that makes any sense?  I will add that if anyone told me earlier in life that anything like this was even vaguely possible I am sure I would have rejected the notion a thousand percent. I know that there are or have been cultures with "Queens" where the woman is worshipped and the male is not equal. I am not well read on that but I know it exists. I also know that many men (or am coming to know) inside themselves "feel better" or more natural or more right or more something - being under the lead or direction of a female. My husband and I had some interesting conversations. I have even used an "interrogation technique" involving oil and also my hand to ask questions and explore things while he is aroused (quite amazing how honest he can become!).  

If I am out on a date night he confesses that he is filled to the brim with emotion. He says he thinks about me constantly the entire night. I also can feel his focus and attention when I come back. It is sort of like he cannot do enough for me. He describes being jealous, worried, embarrassed/humiliated but also very excited. He says he gets very focused on me being happy. ☺.  If it is a night where I have an "encounter" with my boyfriend I may share a little piece of the events with my husband. What I never, ever, would have known or even considered as a younger woman is how exciting this is for him - he can almost "beg" me for just the words about it. I can see how the "excitement" of it seems to over ride the humiliation
of it for him. Weird? I guess so!

In any event I feel like I could write on and on about this. I felt a bit "on the edge" when I first experimented with it - sort of that what in Gods' name are you doing! Are you out of your mind! It is hard to explain how this emerged - sort of from my natural dominance, his natural submissiveness and my natural flirtiness. It is not "all the time". But I do feel I have found a nice place for it in our lives. Maybe the oddest thing is that this really works. Not "just" my dating which feels like side event fun but really the life style aspect of it. I really thought and still do think that the term "slave" is not really right in our case.  However, we are not equal. My husband does work for me. I do "give orders". I do make near all decisions of consequence and I do decide on how we live. What is odd is that I myself would HATE being in his shoes and would not accept it for a New York second! However it feels right and "good" to him. It is something that makes us feel incredibly close -even if I cannot tell the neighbors!  Thankfully I do have a great Internet friend and also one or two girlfriends who I can share aspects of it with. I have to say it feels quite good to both of us and has become more "normal". 

I would love to hear thoughts.

-Mary

12 comments:

  1. Not our thing, but understand it works for some.
    Thank you for sharing and giving and insight into how that might work.

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  2. I enjoyed reading this post. Not sure if this is something I could do or would want to do. But if my wife decided this is the direction we would be going I would try my best to submit to her wishes. I like how you say that you have freedom to do as you want; your husband does what he wants is to obey you. Very true insight into submissive men. Thank you. Hope you will continue to share your experiences.
    kevin

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  3. Thanks for sharing. Would be really helpful if you can elaborate on the circumstances of how cuckholding started in your marriage, the initial dynamics and hesitations if any, and any insights on the bull and what he knows about the arrangement. Thx

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  4. Hi Mary,

    I would be uncomfortable with this arrangement but have thought of it (being cuckholded) in fantasy it is sort of a turn on but the thought of another man really having sex with my wife is unpleasant. She has sort of hinted at it, but when challenged says she is not interested.

    That said, indeed no judgement from me and to each her own. Perhaps if my wife were dedicated to being as dominant as you are she could get me there, we have what I would call a mild on and off FLR. Hard to imagine, but I can't rule out being so deep in subspace that it would become acceptable.

    Thank you for sharing your story in detail, I enjoy the writings and perspective of dominant women. You are indeed the boss in your family and may be a newbie to embracing it fully as you say, but you are an absolute veteran on how to handle to men!

    My wife, like most women is a little bossy and controlling but there is not really a sexual aspect to it for her, so far (maybe that will develop). The question I often think about and blogged as a guest here (thanks MZ. Kaylee!) is how common it is for men to be wired submissive and women dominant? Moreover, if culture and acceptance for FLR were different would it blossom because it is natural for many but but repressed due to societal pressures?

    If I may ask, since you have lived the life of a dominant women, what are your thoughts on this question? I could submit more specific questions and would enjoy that, but I don't want to hijack your post!!

    Anyhow, thanks again for your post, hopefully we will hear from you again, you are a treasure (:

    KL

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  5. Great read!
    How long did it take for your husband to grasp this idea and to be ok with it?
    I mentioned this arrangement with wide to be permitted.
    How many "encounters" do you usually have?
    Thanks for the insight!

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  6. Hi Mary,

    It seems that you are fully invested in a femdom marriage. Thanks for sharing.
    While many submissive men fantasize about a cuckold relationship, very few actually want one. Even submissive men are possessive of the women in their lives.
    If you could share more information regarding how cuckolding came about in your marriage, we would have a better understanding of how it works in your relationship.
    What does having extramarital lovers do for you and your marriage?
    Does your dominant personality come into play with your boyfriends?
    Would you return to being sexually monogamist, if your husband wanted it?

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    Replies
    1. Hi Ron,

      I am not sure I can give great answers but I'll try. I am not (exactly) sure how it began. It sort of "evolved". I really do not (yet) know what it does in some sense. I think in a certain sense it is like other dominant/submissive aspects of my marriage - "just" more extreme. For me it is in fact a "lover". It is fun. It is play. It is a certain ridiculous kind of freedom and I don't think I would ever have imagined something like this could "work" if I had not lived it and if it had not evolved with a real live person who seems to love it - even though for him as well it has "evolved". I want to emphasize - this is not every day. It is not every week. It is not "all the time". That might be a misconception. I also don't pretend to understand it all. It was definately an "experiment" at the beginning and "yes" to answer your question - I am married to my husband and I love and adore him. If this did not work for him I would absolutely end it and be monogamist. I think one of the fascinating things to me that frankly I did not expect or even consider was the closeness - the emotional closeness it can bring between me and my husband. I know darn well that sounds nuts. Frankly it does to me too - but I know it really makes him tune in and desire me and yes, even worship me even more. Again, I do not get it all.

      -Mary

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  7. Hello Mary.
    I really enjoyed your post and find it comforting to know there are other couples that share our lifestyle and practice cuckolding within their FLR. I can honestly say that I would never have an interest in this practice without the elements of dominance. It is the raw power of the assertion of freedom that I find such an incredible turn on . It is not so important to me that my wife actually has other lovers but it is vital that she is empowered to make that choice . Once she began to understand the depth of her power the other elements of a FLR just fell in place . It no longer seemed unfair or silly to expect me to maintain the the household and other responsibilities. Our FLR went from a weekend game to a very real and rewarding lifestyle that we both love almost overnight .

    Thank you again for sharing your wonderful post.
    John D

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  8. Thank you for sharing Mary. I enjoyed reading your honest and thoughtful post. Like others I have a few questions-have you put your husband in panties or chastity? I feel that both reinforce the submissive role. I'm looking forward to reading more of your thoughts.

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  9. Ms Mary, Thanks for sharing your thoughtful story. It seems very hard for a wife to understand how her husband could thrive in that type of relationship. However, I think it best not to overthink it and just have confidence that you are loving him the way he needs and wants to be loved. Simple as that. You didn't say whether you use a chastity device, but that can really complement his submissiveness and desire to serve. Most men will attest to this. One thing both of you are doing right is communicating a lot. Making sure you are aware of his feelings and he of yours. There are many of us submissive men out here and many, many women could have the life you are enjoying if they would just embrace it. I wish you both the best!

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  10. Hi Mary,
    I am joining the others in thanking You for this interesting post. Cuckolding is such a controversial topic and I can totally understand that You do not always know how to best express the feelings and emotions associated with it. But You Madam are doing a great job!I hope You can tell us more.

    As for me, I am intrigued by cuckolding. The thought of my Wife fucking another man, a bull, with me watching or even participating excites me hugely. Impossible to explain, rationally it sounds crazy. I realize it is safest (sanest?) to leave it a fantasy. But deep down I somehow feel (wishful thinking) that it could work out in the right circumstances.
    My Wife knows about my fantasies, thinks they're crazy, and totally rejects the idea. I think She's right. But it is soooo tempting... But, knowing the effect it has on me, sometimes teases me with short and detailed stories about Her imaginary lover... And says that She would definitely never let me watch Her have sex with the real bull if She actually had one...

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  11. I will try to elaborate in more detail at some later point. I guess for now I would say that it is very hard to pinpoint precisely how this evolved. Certainly from our personalities - my natural dominance and my husbands natural submissiveness. Even way before anything "cuckolding like" there was a strong sense between us that I was "free" and did not need ask his permission for things in general and that he was "not free" and absolutely did need ask my permission for many things. I don't know that was ever even spoken in the beginning. It just was.

    -Mary

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