A topic that came up in the comments from the previous posts on orgasm denial was post-orgasm drop or what some people refer to as sub-drop. In the context of a WLM, this is the tired feeling that the husband gets immediately after an orgasm. He becomes extermely tired and disinterested in the wife and may even struggle with obedience and remainng submissive. It's no secret to women that most men are pretty much useless immediately after an orgasm. It is not pleasant for the women and many submissive guys also don't like that they struggle with their submission and obedience during this time. For some men it passes in just a few hours. For other men, it could have effects for several days.
The good news is that it is temporary. We need to recognize and accept that it is a natural side effect of orgasm. When a man orgasms, a rush of hormones are released that causes this effect. Sorry guys, I guess you just can't handle your orgasms:). Since it is a natural reaction, you get a free pass on this one. When my husband has an orgasm, I leave him be for a few days afterward to allow him to recover. This does not mean he can slack on his duties and chores. It is also not acceptable for him to give me attitude. He will be punished if he does.What it does mean is that I am not spouting off orders to him or being demanding and strict in those few days. I give him a few days to recover and refocus. Honestly, it is a nice break for me too! Everyone is happier in the end.
It can become a problem if the husband takes too long to bounce back, has trouble gaining back the submissive feeling, or acts with a bad attitude toward the wife during the recovery period. Fortunately there are strategies that women can employ to minimize the effect of post-orgasm drop or to shorten the recovery time.
A popular strategy is to allow a ruined orgasm instead of a full blown orgasm. The wife does this by removing all pressure and friction from his cock as soon as the orgasm starts. For example, she strokes his cock and as soon as the orgasm starts she release his cock and watches as it twitches and spurts on it's own. If she gets really good at it, she releases his cock before the orgasm starts but at a point where he has gone over the edge and can not stop the orgasm from happening. The result is a ruined orgasm because without pressure he ejacutales but does not experience the pleasure of an orgasm and his orgasm is cut short. This is frustrating for the guy, especially since mentally his body is expecting to feel the pleasure from the orgasm. It sounds cruel (and can be) but there are benefits. A ruined orgasm relieves some of the mental and physical pressure from all that pent-up teasing and denial, which allows him to continue longer without a full orgasm. Also, with a ruined orgasm, there is not the full release of hormones and so it minimizes or eliminates the post orgasm drop. Many guys can actually remain horny after a ruined orgasm and therefore keep their submissive feeling. In fact, they may feel even more submissive from the power exchange of being prevented from having a full orgasm. There are many fun ways to initiate a ruined orgasm. See my post "The Art of The Ruined Orgasm" to learn more. https://femdomthinktank.blogspot.com/2014/10/the-art-of-ruined-orgasm.html
Another startegy that can be used is "Milking" the cum out of the male. This is very similar to the ruined orgasm. Typically the guy is on all fours and just like milking a cow, the wife pulls and squeezes the husband's cock and when he is about to cum, she releases it and lets the cum dribble out. When milking it is effective to push your fingers or a probe into his ass and massage his prostate. This helps push the cum out. The guy should be trained to relax his cock and not try for an orgasm but rather just let the cum dribble out. Some women milk their man on a regular basis to keep him in a steady state of arousal and submission without allowing a full orgasm. Milking has the same benefits of the ruined orgasm. It can also be an erotic rush for the guy to be treated like an animal and be denied the pleasure of an orgasm. Likewise women can get a power rush from milking a guy. I've never tried milking and would love to hear from those who have experience with the milking technique.
The above two techinques minimize or eliminate post-orgasm drop but they do not allow for a normal orgasm. If you want your guy to experience a full orgasm, there are some things your husband and you can do to help him rebound qucikly from the drop. Let's start with the husband. Guys, you have to take some responsiblity in getting over the drop as soon as possible. Some simple things that you can do are to get a good rest afterward and eat healthy. This will replenish the energy that you lost. The harder part is getting your mindset back into submissive mode. It is not uncommon for guys to lose interest in submision or even feel ashamed at some of the things they've done as part of their submission. They've been riding an erotic high for awhile and an orgasm suddenly deflates all the eroticism and clears their mind. This sudden change can cause regret. However, we all know that submissive guys are happiest under the control of a dominant woman and so the best thing to do is get them back into the submissive mindset as soon as possible.
This is where the woman can help but before I go there, let's talk about a few more things the guy shuold do. Fist he needs to be mentally strong and not slack off on his responsibities and chores just because he is not feeling submissive. Some things in life are hard. You've got to take the good with the bad so tough it out for a few days guys!! Suck it up and do your chores without complaining. Another strategy guys can try is a ritual to refresh and refocus the mind. Deep breathing to clear the mind, repeating a mantra, or kneeling are things that can help guys reset and rebound quickly from the drop. Rituals and meditation are great for restting and refocusing the mind. I encourage all guys to try these even if it is not required by your wife.
Immediately after the orgasm, I recommend the wife allow the husband time to relax on his own and recover. This is where orgasm control is important. Through OC the wife can ensure the husband orgasms during or after her orgasm so that she does not end up being disappointed at his lack of performance if he orgasms before her. She only allows him to orgasm when she is ready to be done with him. This way she can leave him alone to recover. Ever since we started our WLM, Thomas has never had an orgasm before me. It's been wonderful! I also recommend that she use the next few days after the orgasm for rebuilding his submissive desires. Men are easily seduced into submission when they are aroused so she can rebuild his submission by teasing and edging him and by gently playing into his fetishes. It may take longer to get his arousal going but you'll get him there eventually and once he feels those wonderful pleasures, bye-bye regret and shame. In the previous sentence I purposely used the word "gently" because often times a guy's fetish can become unappealing immediately after an orgasm. However if you give him some recovery time and then start to do a few "teasers" with his fetish, he will quickly be under your spell again.
Admittedly, what I described above is a gentle way to handle the post-orgasm drop. Some women may prefer to be more harsh and demanding and will force their guy to tough it out and fight through the feelings of uninterest and tiredness. Women who have sadistic tendicies and will enjoy seeing their husbadn experience the suffering of fighting through the drop. That is certainly a strategy that can be used. It's just not one that I prefer. If you are someone that takes a more demanding approach, I would love to hear about your experiences with it. Please feel free to comment on the post with your thoughts.
I'll end this post with one final thuoght about OC. Keep in mind that orgasm denial is only half the equation of OC. The other half is orgasm permission. In the last post Lora commented, "It's not about how long he should be denied but rather the results." That is a succinct way to describe the goal of orgasm control. OC is a way for the wife to keep the husband in an obedient and submissive state of mind. How it is applied varies depending on the couple. For my husband and I, long-term denial and unpredictable orgasm approval works great. I have heard from other couples where they establish a pre-determined date for orgasm release and other couples have a regular orgasm schedule and that works great for them. You should do what works best for you and also be open to the idea that it could change over time as you become more experienced with denial and as your desires change. If you are new to OC then experiment with different approaches and have fun.
-Mz Kaylee
My wife thinks once a month ruined orgasm once a month is sufficient. Keeps the arousal and submissiveness. I agreed since there is no sub drop. It last a week.
ReplyDeleteShe does not like it at all. Also doesn't see the need for me to orgasm while she can keep all the benefits
-Carter
Hi Mz. Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteExcellent post as always. I think taking a break in the way that you describe can be a healthy approach. In one post you mentioned waiting for him to return to you after he has orgasmed. He will always come back if you are patient.
But perhaps the wife does not want a break? If a man is submissive it really comes down to how determined the wife is!
One idea is for the wife to put him a cock cage (if he is not already in one full time) immediately after orgasm. He will not want to do that so make sure he commits prior to release and cage it. The feeling of the cage and the mental part will likely bring him back quickly.
I suppose you covered this by saying above to play with his fetishes. this happens to be an easy one to implement.
Thanks again for your wonderful blog.
KL
Great idea. Thanks for sharing.
DeleteIn my personal experience, the drop in desire and energy and attention to the woman in my life was much more severe when I was younger than it is now that I am in my 50's. There may be physiological reasons for that, but I also suspect that my more selfish mindset at the time played a big role. As men, when we are focused on our own feelings and desires rather than on our partner's, it is easy to feel self-centered and unmotivated after having an intense and gratifying orgasmic experience. As I have learned to put the priority on my partner rather than on myself, I have found that my post-orgasm drop is not as intense or severe as it used to be, and I am able to continue to be attentive to my partner. In our female-dominant relationship she can expect me to continue to be attentive, and I can continue to do so without her having to resort to sadistic pleasure in seeing me struggle. I'm not struggling. I am giving her the love and attention that I promised and that she deserves.
ReplyDeleteThe mind is powerful. It is amazing what you can accomplish when you put your mind to it and have the right perspective. Simply changing your perspective on things can have life changing effects.
DeleteMy wife definitely falls on the more demanding side of things post-orgasm and post ruined-orgasm, which I think is because she continues to wrestle with the question of why men should be allowed any sort of release--ruined or not--and gets annoyed with herself anytime she "gives in" to my requests for some (any!) form of release. Regardless, afterwards I can expect more chores and much more scrutiny of them. She's also recently taken to, in the moments and days afterwards, inflicting more physical punishment as a way to "reset" the power dynamic and remind me who's in charge.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts exactly!
ReplyDeleteMy wife doesn't completely see the purpose either for the releases. The sub drop is too long for anyone's benefit and has terrible effects.
She likes her cock hard and ready at all times and the desire to always be high.
- Mike
Dear Mz Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteIn the replies to your post of 18 Feb you stated that you don't have a high sex drive and that you could go for a month without an orgasm. There are millions of women like you and this is where an FLR and orgasm denial are so important. The last thing you want is a husband nagging for sex and then starting a masturbation habit especially with the menopause. This is where marriages break down. I am in an FLR and am kept pretty much permanently in chastity. That may seem cruel to some but I challenge anyone to come up with a close marriage than ours. My wife is totally in control of both of our sex lives. As couples get older, there are also medical issues which dampen the fire. I haven't had penetrative sex since July last year and have had just two cage free orgasms since. But instead of a grumpy 50 year old my wife has a partner who pampers her, cuddles and strokes her and so on. She has orgasms when she wants and prefers my tongue. My treats are being able to suckle at her boobs and sharing in her orgasms. I'm hoping that when the children leave she will indulge my sissy side more, but if she doesn't, so be it. I'm happy to be with my wife whatever.
SJ
Yes, that is one of the many benefits of a WLM.
DeleteThe last couple posts from Tim and Mike sound similar to what my wife has said to me over the last two years, since she switched me to permanent denial and forced me to focus far more on nonsexual household service aspects of our marriage. She REALLY doesn't like the way I lose interest and become less responsive to her demands. I've tried to be aware of that tendency and compensate for it in the past, but it's hard to stay focused. For a few days after sex, I would honestly admit to her that I no longer wanted to be the submissive partner in the marriage, and felt like there was something shameful about it. For most of my premarital life, I was much more strongly turned on by images of submissive women than dominant women, and that aspect of my sexuality tends to reassert itself for a few days after sex. I can "pretend" and play-act the role she wants if I put my mind to it, but it doesn't feel real or authentic in the same way, and I don't feel any natural motivation.
ReplyDeleteWe've experimented with prostate milking, which seems to do a better job of avoiding the problem of recovery but also is a lot less enjoyable and satisfying to me -- to the point where I barely feel like it's worth the discomfort and disappointment over the low quality of the orgasm. I definitely see the symbolic value, but it feels less like a reward to me and more like a form of discipline. She's more interested in doing it again than I am.
I hate to say that there's a natural trade-off, but it really seems like sex (for me) is the thing that needs to be given up in order to gain a lot of the other benefits of WLM. This is doubly frustrating, since it seems like women don't work like that. Submissive women with dominant husbands can have plenty of sex and it only makes them more devoted and attentive, or at least that's my impression based on hearing how they talk about it.
Milking is for the benefit of the wife, not for you so yes, it is more akin to discipline. The purpose of milking is not to give you pleasure but to provide some release so that you can continue to be denied orgasm.
ReplyDeleteMy opinion is that it is foolish to ignore the natural consequences of the drop after orgasm. Trying to beat it can create a tremendous amount of stress and shame. It's better to understand it, accept it, and figure out the best way to deal with it. I don't think you need to not have orgasms just because you experience drop. It's only temporary and as described in my post, there are strategies to get over it.
i agree that the mind counts a lot. i used to have long drops, but then decided at some point to fight real hard to keep back on track immediately. It's somewhat difficult, but it can be done; of course i'm not as excited, but the submission & desire to please are there (even if the strength or energy is not there). So my mindset is: after O, i have to have zero drop and be extra attentive.
ReplyDeleteShe doesn't have a big sex drive so we've gone sexless for some periods. There is a similar tendency to "drop" but usually just getting physically closer helps reverting it.