How Long Should Orgasm Denial Last?

Judging by the many comments in the last post, I’d say orgasm denial is a popular topic. Given the interest, I thought it was worthwhile to do another post on the topic to highlight some of the themes from the comments and address a few questions that were raised. For my wonderful Goddess Female readers, I highly recommend that you read through the comments in the last post. There is a lot that you can learn from what the guys commented on, about how orgasm denial affects them. It's great insights into the submissive mind.

To start with, it was reaffirming to me to see that the males who commented expressed how much they enjoy orgasm denial. I appreciate all your input as it helps support the information and advice that I post. In addition, to enjoying the pleasure of being teased and denied, it was noted that being denied regularly helps keeps submissive men in an obedient and submissive state of mind. This is true and a great benefit of orgasm denial. I want to point out that orgasm denial is part of a broader concept of orgasm control (OC). OC is about putting the wife in control of when and how the husband orgasms. This gives her incredible power over the husband and keeps him focused on her. I have written more about orgasm control in this post from June 2016: https://femdomthinktank.blogspot.com/2016/06/tapping-into-his-submissive-mind-orgasm.html

Permanent Denial?

That brings me to the topic of this post: ‘How long should orgasm denial last?” I landed on this topic because there was some discussion in the comments of the last post alluding to permanent orgasm denial and whether or not the male really needs to orgasm. My position on this is that, Yes, the male needs to orgasm on occasion. There are a few reasons for this. First, I think it is healthy for males to ejaculate every now and then. I’m not a doctor so that’s just my opinion on the physical health. However, I do know that for some guys, it is important to have that release for mental health. Many guys have reported that they get irritable, angry, or depressed with long-term denial. In the comments on the last post Philip shared an experience about this. My husband often becomes annoying with extended denial periods because his hormones run wild and he can not leave me alone. That is when I know it’s time to allow an orgasm for him.

The wife needs to be aware of these signs and monitor their husband’s behavior and attitude to determine if his mental stability is being affected by the denial.  Relief needs to be provided before he explodes with anger or depression. This reminds me of the movies, when you see someone watching a pressure gauge that slowly rises and hits the red mark. Then everything starts to rattle and shake under the pressure and then inevitably there is an explosion. Yikes!  We don’t want any explosions!

The submissive also has a responsibility to communicate to his wife if he is feeling too much pressure and having negative feelings. Joan discussed this in her comments in the last post. This is tricky as denial is a bit of a game and the wife is often pushing limits and challenging the husband’s desire to orgasm. For this reason, guys only should bring this to the wife when they feel the denial is having a material negative effect on them. Otherwise they are undermining the trust in the relationship. If the guy is sincere and honest in how he feels, the wife should accept what he is saying and come up with a plan to address the issue.

Another reason that men should not be permanently denied, is that (in my opinion) permanent denial reduces the wife’s power and control and takes away the excitement of tease and denial. If the husband knows there is no possibility of cumming, then what motivation is there for him obey her? Allowing an orgasm is a big reward for men and when they have hope that their obedience and servitude will eventually lead to an orgasm, it keeps them motivated.  Additionally, part of the fun in teasing and denial, is keeping him wondering when his orgasm will happen.

One final thought against permanent denial is that I believe all married couples should experience mutual orgasms during sex every now and then down. It’s intimate and almost spiritual when that happens. I know some dominant women forbid their husbands from having intercourse with them. I respect that approach and understand that it can be an exciting power dynamic, but I do think they are missing out on something very special.

Length of Denial

Now that I ruled out permanent denial, let’s move on to the question of how long should denial last. The answer varies and depends on several factors, including: the wife’s desires, the husband’s tolerance for denial, and what the wife wants to accomplish with denial. 

With OC, the wife ultimately decides when the husband can orgasm. Her desires are what matter most.  Some women enjoy seeing their husband have an orgasm and enjoy feeling him orgasm during sex. If that is what she desires, then short-term denial probably works best. Even if the wife wants her husband to orgasm every time during sex, she can still practice OC. She does this by requiring him to always ask for permission to orgasm or telling him he is not allowed to orgasm until she gives permission. So while he knows he will ultimately orgasm, he has no idea of the exact moment.  It is very powerful when a wife commands ‘cum for me’ and the husband instantly explodes into orgasm. She also practices OC by forbidding him from masturbating to orgasm at any time, unless she gives permission to do so.  She can also employ denial through teasing. She can tease him over and over to the edge of orgasm and he has no idea when she will finally allow him to orgasm. Some of my most fun and intense sessions with Thomas have been when I’ve teased him endlessly and then suddenly allowed him to orgasm.

While there are some women the enjoy seeing their husband orgasm, other women have little desire for it. In fact, many women don’t like the sticky mess so they are more than happy to incorporate denial into their routine. For these women, medium ( 1 – 4 weeks) denial or long-term denial (1+ months) can work well.

The husband’s tolerance for denial also needs to be considered when deciding how long denial should last. When it comes to long-term denial, not all men are created equal. Some can deal with it and for some men it makes them go off the rails. A man’s tolerance can change over time.  His age, libido, and experience with denial affect his tolerance. Younger men tend to have a much higher libido and need for orgasm and so medium and long-term denial may be too big of a challenge for them. Trying longer term denial with younger guys or guys with is high sex drive often leads to accidental orgasms or may result in irritability, stress, and anger.  Older men tend to have lower libidos and can usually handle longer term denial. For many older men, orgasm denial helps increase their libido and so they love it.

Regardless of age, most men can not handle long-term denial right from the beginning. It usually takes lots of practice and training for a boy to build up the tolerance to be denied long-term. From my experiences and from what I have heard from others, most people start off with short-term denial (a few days) and the progress slowly to long term denial (1+ months).  I would imagine the most guys new to orgasm denial would not even fathom going 2+ weeks without an orgasm. The interesting thing about orgasm teasing and denial is that it can easily turn into an addiction for both husband and wife. As the wife realizes increasing power and control through the use of OC, as well the joy of being pampered and pleasured without having to worry about the husband having an orgasm, it becomes more exciting for her and the addiction grows. Likewise the addiction grows for the husband when he discovers the intense pleasure of being edged and when he experiences the wonderful submissive emotions from being subject to OC.  

Ironically, the more he experiences the desperation to orgasm, the more he craves the denial. In the beginning it may be inconceivable to the guy to be denied orgasm for several days in a row. He may even be resistant to the idea. However, when pushed and challenged by the wife to go longer, it creates a thrilling dynamic and that’s when many guys suddenly understand the joy of denial and begin to develop an addiction to it. It is not uncommon for guys experienced with orgasm denial, who have learned to control their orgasm, to want to go for very long periods of denial and to even be disappointed when they are allowed to orgasm because they are enjoying the thrill of denial so much. Even though they are begging to orgasm, deep down they want to hear their wife say 'no', and they love the erotic high they are getting from being denied. Therefore, if you are a Female experimenting with denying your husband, do not be afraid to push the limits with denial.  That is part of the excitement for the guy.

On the flip side, I do not like to let Thomas get too comfortable with his denial. I typically allow him an orgasm once every 2 -3 months. Sometimes it's shorter and sometimes it's longer. Guys that are kept on a long-term denial schedule can forget about the pleasure of having regular orgasms and so it becomes easy for them to handle orgasm denial. When this happens, they gain a bit of control in the relationship. Ladies, we can't let that happen! When I feel that Thomas has mastered the long-term denial and that it is becoming easy or routine for him, I will switch it up. I will unexpectedly switch to short-term denial, allowing him to orgasm a few weeks in a row or maybe even twice in a week. Now suddenly he is enjoying the new routine and remembering the joy and pleasure of regular orgasms. I only let it last for a few weeks and then I switch back to long-term denial. He of course, does not know when I will make the switch. This keeps him guessing on when the next orgasm will be. It's a total mind fuck for him. After the period of short-term denial, it becomes a challenge again for him to go long-term. I have now gained back that little bit of control that slipped away previously. 

Another factor that affects the length of denial is what the wife wants to accomplish with the denial. There are many things that denial can be used for. It can be used for punishment. Extending the length of denial can be an effective punishment. It can be used for motivation by shortening the denial by giving the husband the opportunity to orgasm if he is good or after he completes certain tasks. Even offering an intense teasing and denial session without orgasm is a motivator for guys. I know Thomas would love a session like that. Denial can also be used to keep the husband in a constant submissive and obedient state of mind which is a key premise behind 24/7 orgasm control. When used for this purpose, the length of denial will vary based on the other two variables mentioned above (wife’s desire and husband’s tolerance of denial).  Let’s also not forget that denial can be used just for fun and amusement of the wife.

In the end, when it comes to OC and length of denial, the couple has to do what works best for them. I have more thoughts related to orgasm denial and will write more about it in my next post.

-Kaylee