Mindless Slave Versus Productive Slave Companion Followup

As a follow-up to my post on 'Mindless Slave vs. Productive Slave Companion,' I'd like to share an excerpt from another author's post on female led relationships. I came across this post the other day and thought it was a very fitting example:

"...my partner simply started relying on me too much and became too passive. After a while, I was doing everything for him and he acted as if he was deprived of the ability to make adult decisions."

The author goes on to say that she ultimately ended the relationship because of her boyfriend's extreme passiveness. This really hits home the point I was making in my previous post, that I want my husband to be a companion and not a mindless slave. My husband is submissive but that does not mean he is incapable of making decision and having adult conversations with me. He is capable of doing things on his own and to satisfy me without always being told what to do or having to be punished or motivated by me every step of the way.

When a wife gets caught up in the lifestyle it is easy to find herself doing more commanding than leading, especially when she is taking cues from her husband or being "topped" by him. Most submissive guys are going to embrace this approach because it is their ultimate fantasy to shirk all responsibility and simply be controlled. However, as the example above illustrates, this is not sustainable for the woman. Overtime it becomes burdensome for her and he turns into something that she does not desire.

My advice to women who are embarking on or involved in a WLM/FLR, is to ensure you are leading the relationship and not just commanding it. Leaders empower and motivate others to do things for them. That's the approach you want to employ in your relationship. Giving commands is an important part of the WLM relationship and reinforces your power over him but it should be secondary to leading. Lastly, envision what would be the ideal husband/partner for you and use that as your guide for how you train and shape your partner each year.

As a reference, below is the link to the article I cited above.

https://thinkaloud.net/2018/02/02/everything-you-need-to-know-about-a-female-led-relationship/

-Mz Kaylee

Guest Post: "A Word of Advice" by Alan

I just wanted to give my thoughts to anyone that’s new to Wife Led Marriages. If this is something you have fantasized about please be warned this may take off and become real. My extremely vanilla wife now rules the household with an iron fist. If you are a husband reading this beware this can become very real, very fast. If you are a wife be sure you will be comfortable seeing your husband in the role as submissive husband. This dynamic will make him soft and demure in your daily lives. For me it works perfectly. I am a natural submissive and my wife always had a bit of a dominate streak, which has expanded greatly as of late. 

At the start she took over sexually. In the first couple of years I was forced to give up masturbating and edging. She still allows me to edge occasionally, but I have to gain permission. After eight years I still find asking my wife to touch myself humiliating.  She, of course, can still masturbate; usually without me. Sorry guys, but you will probably give up blow jobs. I was told that she would never put me in her mouth again and she hasn’t. Oral sex will become very one way in your life. I have other rules and rituals that are followed in the bedroom. After a couple of years a male chastity device was introduced and she made me put it on usually when I was denied or if I was drinking or high.

For about the next 6 or 7 years not a lot happened beyond the sexual side of it. She became a little more entitled and liked making the decisions, but not a significant change for me. Suddenly after I retired she has decided she wants to run everything. After a bit of a disagreement she punished me for the first time. I think realizing she could do that flipped a switch deep inside. Out of the blue she comes to me and says “I’m closing my account and moving it over to yours, I will pay the bills, so finances are no longer your concern”. “If you need to buy something ask me and by the way I want you to cancel your credit card”.  If you get to this point in your WLM this will probably be the tipping point in your mind. The point that you realize she is in charge and there is no going back. Even since I did my profile she told me I am not allowed to leave the driveway without permission (this may have more to do with the virus than dominance). Although I doubt this will go away with the virus as she is not big on reversing rules. She has also decided she wants me in the chastity cage 24/7. I am still negotiating this, but it appears it is going to happen.  Edit-I started writing this a few days ago; since that time I have lost the negotiations.

I just wanted to caution anybody thinking about WLM that this can become real in the blink of an eye. Make sure you are truly submissive and that pleasing your wife is your only goal. Real and fantasy are two different things. Once you enter into this it may be impossible to get out. Wives make sure that you are willing to be his mistress. Once you see him submit and humiliate himself you will not look at him the same.

That being said, I think it has been a wonderful experience for my wife and I. We have both grown into our roles and are very happy. Thanks for reading, Take care and stay safe.- Alan

Mindless Slave versus Productive Slave Companion

For many, if not all submissive men, becoming a mindless slave to a powerful woman is a top fantasy. The mindless slave is treated with no respect and forced to cater to her every whim and even humiliated and punished by her regularly. It is a mind blowing fantasy, isn't it? The key word here is 'fantasy.' I am amazed at how many guys continually try to make this a reality with their wife. Do such relationships even exist? I am sure this type of arrangement exists with a dominatrix or mistress but I don't really count that as a real relationship. Clearly the dominatrix and mistress are appealing to his desires for financial gain and so they are acting solely for their own interests. I wonder does such a relationship exists in a marriage or in a genuine boyfriend/girlfriend relationship?

I would think that most women do not want that type of relationship with their husband. I know that I don't. Don't get me wrong, it is fun to treat my husband as a mindless slave and make him worship my feet and order him to worship my ass just because I can. He is mindless for me when I want him to be but that is partly fantasy play. It is not the center of our relationship. I don't want him to be mindless and not thinking on his own. I want a companion and friend that I can have conversations with, and do fun things with, and someone that, when needed can help me make decisions. I am a Goddess to him but I am not all knowing. I need his help from time-to-time to give me advice and talk me off the ledge when I am stressing out.

No, I do not want a mindless slave 24/7. Frankly, it would be too much work and I'd be embarrassed to have such a husband accompany me in front of family and friends. When I think about what I want my husband to be, the label "Productive Slave Companion" comes to mind. A husband who is productive, not mindless, with his servitude toward me. He is also a companion to me. The difference between a traditional companion and him is that he is submissive to me; beneath me in authority. He obeys me without question and goes out of his way to please me and make me happy. The latter part of that sentence is what makes him productive versus mindless. He also gives advice when requested by me and shares his opinions but he accepts that I make the final decision. A key point here which separates him from a typical husband is that he puts my desires and needs first when forming opinions and giving advice. That is a nice benefit of a WLM and well trained husband.

I get the best of both worlds - a slave husband and a wonderful companion. I wouldn't have it any other way. I can't imagine why a wife would want a mindless slave husband. Submissive guys are a different story. I know many of you dream of being a mindless slave with no responsibility other than serving a dominant woman. You dream of being punished and humiliated by her on a daily basis and being forced to cater to her every whim. That's what gets your arousal boiling, isn't it?. Do you think you really could handle it 24/7? I am sure my husband dreams of this too. That's why it is better that I am the one in control. I indulge in his fantasies here and there but I bring him back to reality and bring a balance between fantasy and real world. The old saying that men think with their dicks is spot on. An aroused man looses common sense and chases his erotic desires, often forgetting about the consequences. A man's arousal is a powerful tool in the hands of a woman.

There is no doubt that I could transform my husband into a mindless slave but that is not what I want. Do husband and wife relationships exist like that? I would not advocate for those types of relationships. I believe a husband should be a companion to a wife; her friend and soul mate. I would love to hear thoughts on this. Deep down, what do you really want?

-Mz Kaylee

Guest Post: Royal Femdom

Below is as guest post from khorina, which describes his wife led marriage.  Thank you khorina for taking the time to write a post.  Enjoy....

"Royal" Femdom

I want to share my experience in my real-life vanilla-flavored way of living Femdom. I call it Femdom as my wife is the public and private leader, we have rituals, orgasm control & the expectation of my submission. Having said that, the relationship is not based in sex, and I call it "Royal" as she is comfortable with me addressing her as Queen in any private/public/family context.

• Orgasm control - she decided on a voluntary celibate/abstinence period. We don't know how long it will last, the expectation is (at least) more than a year. We are four months into it. Before that, she determined my orgasms & i had to ask her for permission to ejaculate.
• Rituals - each morning and night we pray with me kneeling towards her while she is seating (we did this also each time before having sex). She leads prayers, gives blessings, provides teachings. I never go out without her permission or blessing. We have a lot of other small gestures to indicate her leadership and my submission. We very often kiss & hug during the day, with me constantly thanking/praising her ("you are gorgeous! thank you so much for this!) followed by a reinforcement of her position ("you are my Queen and my all", "my beautiful Queen").
• Expectation of my submission - she expects that I follow her lead, similar to the authority of a Queen over a lower rank. We interact with very conservative people, yet everybody knows she leads. I usually say things like "sure, I"ll check it with my Queen" and have gestures such as stop talking when she stops, give Her all my attention, etc. 

Our femdom didn't come easy. We are both naturally submissive, started as friends with me helping her get a boyfriend, and eventually (through me treating her as Queen) married. Being religious and submissive to others, she expected to submit, but somehow it didn't work for us: I tried playing the dominant to no-success. It took us years of alternating, I took my turns trying to introduce kink or "top from the bottom", until we fell into a deep crisis where we stopped having sex for a year. The deadlock was broken with me pursuing her again as a Queen, my energy directed to align with her. Religion is really important for her (us), so I had to profoundly submit to her and to her beliefs. During that time, we understood we were both submissive, but between she and I it only worked and felt natural when she was in charge.

With that realization, things have fallen in place perfectly. She had me go through the religion ranks, establishing herself as my guide and leader (asking for no-privacy of thoughts/desires/dreams). She determined my routines, our circle of friends, and is openly recognized as a dedicated member and leader among us. For us is natural that she asks me to help or "lends" me to others. Intimately, we shifted our lovemaking to her desires, and she established control and a rhythm that she openly recognized that kept me with a high energy to be attentive and submissive. One of her big tests for me was to guide me to submission to a particular male leader she likes, and being happy as I established myself as his unconditional follower. It is him that suggested the abstinence period. Yes, i've fantasized about them getting along, and although we think nothing will happen it has given her the power and freedom to spend time with him. My Queen knows I'm thankful with him for providing her with the leadership I cannot provide.

So these last 4 years in our marriage of 13 years have been the best. Not all femdom relationships are the same, I thought it would have been more natural for me to deal with someone with more of a Dominatrix profile, but our femdom has required me to submit to my Queen from the bottom of my heart, my soul and my mind.

Name (alias): khorina

Guest Posts

Just a reminder that you are welcome to submit a post to be published on this blog. The idea of a "Think Tank" is for people to share and discuss ideas, thoughts and opinions. That is what I want this blog to be in the context of a Wife Led Marriage (WLM) or Female Led Relationship (FLR). It is also enjoyable and helpful to hear real life experiences. A short post about a fun experience is a fantastic read and often inspires others to toward the lifestyle.

You are welcome to write on a topic or opinion of your choice. A few areas that I do not have experience with and would love to hear from others are chastity devices and strap-on play. You can write about an experience, how it makes you feel, why you do it/want to do it, advice to others, benefits of the activity, etc. Opinion topics (Why WLM is good, why are men submissive, etc.) are also good reads. Finally, please keep your post more "Informative" or "academic" and less focused on expicit sex (This is not a porn site).

Below are guidelines for writing and submitting a post. Also, don't forget you can submit a profile (see my 4/2 post on how to submit a profile). HAPPY WRITING!

• Send to MzKaylee101@gmail.com 
• Write it in a format that  I can publish on the blog; include a title and your name at the bottom. Your are welcome to publish it under a fake name so that you remain anonymous.  Just let me know what name to use. Do not write your post as a letter to me.
• Run spell check before sending
• Any topic that supports WLM/FLR is welcome. I will not publish posts that criticize or talk negatively about WLM/FLR. My blog is not intended to be a debate on FLR. However, posts that discuss frustrations or challenges within the FLR are encouraged as these will lead to good discussions that we can all learn from.
• Things that make a good post:
• Stick to just a few key points or themes in your post. Too many topics and you can confuse readers and dilute the message your are trying to convey. You are welcome to submit multiple posts so don't feel you have to cover everything in one post
• Provide specific examples. This helps people relate to the concepts your are writing about
• Different things you can write about on your topic: Why is it important to you, how did you get started in it, how does it benefit (or not benefit) your relationship, what is the emotional impact to the relationship, and advice to readers. Feel free to pose questions to readers.

New Rules and Routines

Like many others, we've both been working at home for several weeks now as a result of the pandemic. The kids are also doing virtual schooling. When it first started, we never imagined we'd still be home through the month of April and so there was not much of routine in house. We were all leisurely doing work, often sitting on the couch or in front of the TV. We slept in and stayed up late. When it became evident this was going to be a longer term situation, we realized things had to change. We had to get back to a more structured environment.

It was a challenge for me adapting to a new schedule. I had just gotten into a good 'life' routine where I was going to the gym regularly, eating healthy, and managing work and home life perfectly. Things were humming along good and then the pandemic happened. The gym closed and it's been hard to motivate myself to workout at home. Snacking has increased significantly at my house and so the healthy eating has gone out the window. It's been a challenge but one that I have learned to adapt to. I realized that I had to change some of my thinking and develop new routines and schedules to fit into this new environment. I've discovered that long walks and bike rides in the nearby woods are enjoyable and great exercise and stress relievers. I used to go to the gym early in the morning but at home I struggle to workout early in the morning. I've accepted that and changed my routines so that I sleep in a bit and do power walks in the afternoon, often times with my husband. When working, instead of plopping on the couch, I've set-up a work space in my dining room and I go there first thing in the morning and get to work. It feels more productive, more like work.

Our days are more structured now but still a bit out of the ordinary. Home and work blend together more now and I don't think that will change until I am back at work. It's actually nice in many ways. One of the better things is getting to spend more time with Thomas and the kids. It's less hectic not having to drive to and from work and being able to take care of the little things at home while also working.  Thomas is keeping up with his chores. In fact he's working a little harder because now there are double the dishes and he's constantly straightening up the house. With us being home, it's allowed me to keep a closer eye on him and even create some new rules and routines. We are spending more intimate time together and having fun with it all.

I am demanding more frequent massages from him, which often result in him pleasuring me afterward so that's been really nice. I tease him quite a bit throughout the day. I give him little rubs here and there when the kids are not nearby. He is loving that. I've started picking out which pairs of panties I want him to wear each day. A few times I have made him change to a new pair in the middle of the day just for fun. I've spent some time training him on how to fold my clothes properly. He's never been good with that. In the evenings, when I am not in the mood for a massage, I've started having him kneel in the bedroom while I get ready for bed. Then he kisses my feet right before I get into bed. In the mornings, he serves me coffee in bed. Finally, I have created a list of odd-ball projects for him to do around the house over the next few weeks. It's all things that I'm always thinking about doing but just never get around to such as organizing a closet, painting a room, or getting rid of old stuff in the basement and garage.

For those of you stuck at home, this is a great time to think about new rules and routines to incorporate into your WLM. With the extra time together, it is a great opportunity for training him to do things better and to your highest expectations. It's also a great time to indulge in pampering and experiment with kinky and fun things. If you don't have kids at home, he could literally be your slave for a few weeks. Might as well make the most out of the situation. If I did not have kids at home, I think I'd have him naked all day except for a collar and frilly panties :). Many of the new rules I put in place will disappear when this is all over. I am going to enjoy it while I can. Then it will be back to the old routines with a few new things mixed in.

I hope you all are adapting well to the new environment. Disruption is stressful and frustrating but in the end there is always good that comes from it. Take advantage of the extra time you have with each other and look for the opportunities to have fun and new joyful experiences.

-Mz Kaylee

WLM/FLR Profiles

I hope everyone is staying well and not getting too stressed out over the pandemic. It will be nice when things get back to normal. In the meantime, I thought it would be nice to have you (the readers) create profiles of yourselves for others to read. The profiles are geared to those who are currently in a Wife Led Marriage(WLM) or a Female Led Relationship (FLR).  It's a great way for us to understand each others situation and learn from each other.

I've created a profile template that asks various questions about your WLM/FLR. You don't have to answer all the questions and you only have to provide information that you are comfortable sharing. On the right side of my blog, if you page down a bit you will see the template and a profile that I completed. If you are interested in participating, copy the template into Word and respond to the questions. Send your completed template to me at mzkaylee101@gmail.com and I will publish it.

I encourage all of you who are in a WLM/FLR to participate. Even if you do not comment and just read the posts, it would be great to get to know you and understand how your WLM/FLR works. If you do comment, please use the same name that you comment under. I will not post profiles under Anonymous but there is nothing stopping you from creating an anonymous name to share your profile without revealing your identity. I will keep e-mail addresses confidential.

I hope to hear from both our Female and male readers.

Thanks!

-Mz Kaylee.