I thought I could add and contribute with a post, in part, also regarding some of the previous topics.
Some of my expectations and " jobs" on the WLM household come rather naturally. Perhaps this is just my demeanor and personality. Much hasn't changed, in some aspects, after commencing the WLM lifestyle. The communication and expectations of my role is clearer though. I simply like to serve her and she naturally likes to be in charge/ in control. Some main points are:
Household
- I do the house cleaning. She may do so too at times because she likes it a certain way. I do her laundry, buy groceries and drive her when needed. Her breakfast and coffee made. Those are the main ones, I'm sure there are more.
Finances
- She is in control of all money. While we both work, she spends as she pleases, from my income as well.
- She has several credit cards. I have none. I have just one debit card. She will get a bank alert if I spend more than $50. I must ask permission or have a good reason if a purchase is more than that amount , besides groceries. She can purchase anything, anytime, with any amount.
Sex
- This was probably the main reason we started WLM. I used to demand/request it with out any regard to her feelings.
- I'm not allowed to ask for sex. I can't ask when or request how I would like it, such as positions, blow job, etc.
- I'm not allowed to ask when/ if I may orgasm. She mostly doesn't see the need for me to.
- When she wants sex, she will be direct and say " I want sex". It's never " would you like to", " are you in the mood for" or " let's have...
- She's direct in that there's no foreplay. Usually, she'll direct me to go down and give her oral to start. After she's satisfied, she'll give me a command for me to enter her.
- She'll give direction on how fast/slow and position.
-When she's finished with sex, she'll simply say, " thank you, I'm finished" and will get up and get on with her day. Or she'll push/ nudge me away and she'll say " thanks, I'm done" with a kiss, turn over and will go to sleep.
Much of this seems very transactional.
My mouth and cock have a simple purpose for her, to give her as many orgasms as possible, as much as she wishes. I've started to say " thank you for the privilege" after. Because it is an honor and privilege to share those moments with her.
As many have previously mentioned, that self pleasuring is not allowed. Since that training and mindset has been in place for so long, edging and ruined orgasm has been surprisingly more difficult, as the feeling is much more foreign and less desirable. It's strange. We may move to no orgasms for me altogether. She's been clear she does not like the cum due to smell, texture, cleanup etc. So cum in her is off limits. My subspace mindset is evolving to where I feel bad or don't desire to cum in her as if it's I'm defiling something I feel is sacred and a privelage. I thank her Everytime we're intimate because I see it as a privilege. Perhaps this is where cuckolding concept in part, comes from. While I enjoy sex, all my attention and focus is on her and to ensure she is pleased and satisfied as many times as possible.
Our day to day lives seem simple and probably very " vanilla". I do ask her if there's anything I can do for her. Sex seems more of "icing on the cake" or the bonus to the relationship.
For me, I'd say sex is a great incentive and always on my mind. But for her, I don't think it's a top foundational tenet for her WLM. I believe she enjoys having someone listen and follow her directions more. She enjoys being on control and making the household decisions.
Communicating and serving her day to day is what I think she values most.
Moreover, I've encouraged her to be more controlling. I've encouraged her to have more male/female relationships. Such as her go out on the weekends to socialize... While I stay home and tend to house necessities. But as mzkaylee mentioned, that's typically an ongoing challenge to find that balance.
Feel free to comment and give suggestions and share thoughts.
-Mike
Great post Mike, I have heard you call you relationship "tame". It looks like she controls the sex and the money. I'm curious about a couple of things. What else would have to happen before you would no longer consider it tame? Also when you are allowed a ruined orgasm is it something she preforms or does she make you do it while she supervises.-Alan
ReplyDeleteGreat question Alan. It seems like others have " kinks" or " punishments". That may be something to throw in the mix. Perhaps it helps the relationship, although maybe I shouldn't ask for punishments ��
ReplyDeleteWe just started the once a month ruined orgasm and oddly enough, it took more effort and time than we both imagined. Understand, like others, there's been a no masturbate rule. Since then, with that training or programming, I surprisingly have lost the desire to do so as all the time has passed. So the feeling of being aroused that way was rather foreign. I never get handjobs. After a while, she got tired and advised me to complete. I did, but again, after more time and effort than expected. Compared to the masturbating days, I would never imagine that doing so now would be such a " struggle". This happened twice. Perhaps,I just may not cum at all going forward if that's the case.
Maybe that answers your question.
- Mike
Punishments take it from a game to real life. I didn't ask for them, they just came out of the blue. It's a dramatic stepping stone when you realize you can be punished and you have no recourse except to tow the line. You agreed to submit now you're forced to.
DeleteAs far as your performance issues go, this my be something you will have to deal with. I have performance issues. I think they come from giving yourself conflicting messages. My wife is very dominate in the bedroom. I am expected to be docile, demure, and subservient during lovemaking. Then, when I'm allowed an orgasm, I have to turn on a dime, flip the man switch, and get off as quickly as possible. It's a whole rolling snowball kind of thing. I'm desperate to get off and I'm humiliated that nothing is happening which makes me even more desperate. I think it is a psychological affect brought on by being more of what our mind sees as the traditional feminine role during sex then having to 180.At least in my case- Alan
Thanks Alan. I believe your are correct regarding punishment. I believe I'd just take it as they come.i suppose I should enjoy "the freedom" days. Perhaps she'll evolve to give them freely with ease one day.
DeleteWhen you're allowed to orgasm, are you allowed a certain amount of time?
I thought maybe it's a good thing nothing happens. She mostly allows the orgasm out of obligation for health, not enjoyment.
Like Mz Kaylee pointed out, she wants me to orgasm. I think she knows that's where her power lies, in denying me something I want very badly. She just doesn't think I should associate sex with my pleasure so she makes it as short an experience as possible for me. So, yes there is no official time limit, but knowing if I take too long she my end things prematurely. She often says sex is for my pleasure not yours. My issue is more of an erection issue, I am in my sixties.
DeleteThat's good insight Alan. I think my wife has more power the longer I don't orgasm and the submissiveness grows from me week to week.
DeleteI know there's an idea that there's power in letting a man orgasm on occasion and should be enjoyed by both man and woman but, my orgasms don't play a significant role in the relationship in that aspect.
She doesn't really care for them. I think this is the unique perspective as she doesn't see it as a way obtain control. She actually may lose some.
She does not enjoy if/when I orgasm in her. She likes the feeling as it happens but the aftermath, mess, smell, texture, cleanup, overrides the value in the release. She has made this frustration/annoyance clear. And I wish to please her.
My orgasm is more of a means to an end. It only occurs out of necessity ever few months.
I think that's what makes us/her slightly different than others. That's why I'm not sure either of us look forward or get excited to these releases.
She's happy and enjoys her approach.
"For me, I'd say sex is a great incentive and always on my mind. But for her, I don't think it's a top foundational tenet for her WLM. I believe she enjoys having someone listen and follow her directions more. She enjoys being on control and making the household decisions."
ReplyDeleteThis story sounds incredibly familiar, and was one of the surprises that came out of my own story. That is, I expected that one consequence of doing something atypical like introducing power-exchange dynamics into "routine" aspects of marriage would be that it would turbo-charge our sex life and make it wild and unpredictable. That was a big part of the initial appeal of becoming more submissive toward her in non-bedroom ways -- getting older was taking away from some of the more adventuresome aspects of physical intimacy, and I was hoping that we'd be able to reboot that so it would feel fresh. I guess it's a cliche that men want to trade service for sex -- "I'll do more laundry in exchange for you putting out, and I'll even let you call all the shots in bed." That sort of thing.
Instead, the exact opposite happened. At this point my wife seems less interested in sex than she's ever been. It's still going to happen a few times a month, but usually just before she falls asleep, and she wants a no-frills oral-only experience that just helps her relax. There's no variation, it's the same thing every time and takes maybe 10 minutes. That's maybe a handful of times a month. Otherwise, it's something she doesn't seem to care much about at all. It's a little disconcerting to realize that a lot of our sex life consisted of things she was doing just to humor me, and she didn't so much want "femdom sex" as just "much less sex in general". Our relationship isn't unsexy, for sure, but it's no longer something we DO. It's more something that she teases me about, as a reminder of why she has real power over me that she can apply in more mundane ways. She enjoys the "keeping me from having sex" aspect of tease and denial much more than she ever enjoyed giving it to me.
But even with a pretty routine and repetitive sex life, she's been endlessly delighted about having control of ordinary stuff, like being able to order me to make her a cup of tea. Our marriage feels incredibly strong and stable in ways it never did before, and our sources of tension and disagreement have evaporated. There's a constant energy to every little touch and kiss that wasn't there before, so it's not as though physical intimacy is gone. It's just that it's much more focused on simple things and more integrated into ordinary service -- kissing her neck as I fill a cup of coffee, that kind of thing. I'm strangely OK with this, much to my own surprise. In an odd and unexpected way, I now enjoy kissing about as much as I used to enjoy orgasms.
It's probably not a good publicity campaign to say "WLM will eliminate most of your sex life but it will make you enjoy service roles so much you'll be willing to make that sacrifice despite some regrets." But that's probably a fair assessment of what happened to me.
Hi evanho
DeleteI think your spot on with your insight. I think we have many similarities too. I don't think we have "more sex" now vs before WLM, but it's more intense/meaningful. And of course, she loves being in control of all the aspects.
But again, like you mentioned, for her, the day to day perks have much more of an impact that she appreciates.
And like you, I do very much being of service, just as much as sex. Maybe sex is just a "by product" of the WLM?
Hi
ReplyDeleteI think this would be a wonderful time to talk about how COVID-19 has changed the way Femdom could have been living for a few months. There are so many things about Femdom that this weird time in Herstory can bring!
So many decisions that makes have to defer to their Dominant Female Authority figures - from whether to go out of the house or not, all the way to what opinions they just have to keep to themselves when talking to others, especially other Women, because Mistress says so.
There are so many ways in which boys can learn to please, and that's beyond obeying - pleasing means doing things even without an express order because you are a good slave - that's it - or because you understand and view Women as superiors which we are.
This is a great time to hear from Women how COVID-19 is affecting things, what lessons are being learned and what lessons are being had to be taught to the other gender.
It's a wonderful time to practice Femdom, despite all the things you might not love about it.
Hi Gigi
DeleteThat's a great idea.
What are some of your thoughts or suggestions?
Mike - thank you for sharing your story. I've also been following the comments above and find you boys enlightening and also a bit humorous :). The humorous part being how you called sex a bonus but yet most of your posts and comments are focused on sex. Also that you labeled you marriage as vanilla. Compared to a typical couple, it is not vanilla but I get how you can feel that way. My marriage seems perfectly normal to me but I know others would be shocked if the knew the inner workings.
ReplyDeleteYou guys did touch on a few good points. First, guys minds are always on sex and for most women sex is not as pressing (perhaps you were referring to your wife and not you when you mentioned sex as a bonus). I find the when guys write posts, much of what they describe about sex and being controlled, leans a little more toward what they want versus reality. In other words if you asked the wife to describe what was happening, it would be more tame. That's ok though because real submission and domination is more mental than physical. It is great if a guy can put himself into a very submissive and worshiping mindset even if it is not demanded by the wife.
That leads to the second point you guys touched on in your comments, which is that the frequency of sex is not necessarily more in a WLM but you discover different pleasures. This goes back to the mental/emotional aspects of domination. The mind fuck is what submissive men crave, not physical sex. A mind fuck is so much better. When a wife can provide an environment of constant control and domination it can be more satisfying than sex.
Lastly, I want to express my opinion that I do not believe orgasms should be denied permanently. I've mentioned this before. When you lose the desire to orgasm or lose the desire to want to orgasm during sex with your wife, I see that as an issue and it also takes away some power from your wife. Having an orgasm with your wife should be viewed as a supreme privilege, not a negative thing. A wife should allow her husband an orgasm every now and then to remind him of what he is missing when he is being denied. When it becomes too easy for the guy to not orgasm, her power diminishes.
Great discussion. I hope others weigh in
Hi Ms Kaylee
DeleteYou're correct and accurate regarding sex as a bonus referring to the wife. Definitely guys have sex on their mind a lot. It's a great incentive, motivator, " reward". But for my wife, the sexual aspect of the relationship isn't one of the major factors for the WLM- at least from what I observe and her behavior. Like you said, sex isn't necessarily more frequent, but she has the absolute control and she knows I will follow her lead. The benefits she enjoys more from a WLM is my obedience, listening, and she enjoys being in control of the relationship such as money and household decisions. The small stuff really impact her too such as me cleaning, driving her around, doing her laundry etc. I think she holds those services to a higher value than sex. And yes, there is a mind fuck, as you mentioned, to always desiring her and being under her control. It can be more pleasurable than sex. And that's why I said sex may just be a " bonus" because there's much more value in the day to day benefits.
And it does seem pretty normal now over time, which I like. That is pretty much the reality I'm in vs what I want. It works. I think any guy would say they want more sex ha
Regarding the mind fuck, the desire and wife being on control of sex and knowing it may not happen is great, typical day to day, and has a good intensity to be controlled.
DeleteI lost all that mentally with an unauthorized release. Which makes me fearful when it happens, due to the sub drop. For me, lasts almost a week. I don't like it. She doesn't.
But to keep in constant mind fuck sub space perhaps the denial term needs to be extended. Probably that's why I say permanent denial. There is actually some guilt and disappointment in those releases, as it occurs. I don't really look forward to them in excitement.
What would your recommendation be?
Thanks mzkaylee
DeleteOur dynamic may be a little different. While I don't wish to orgasm, my desire to please my wife grows exponentially. Growing in obedience and submissiveness occurs more as the denial period continues. I've only gone about 2 to 3 months but the idea and mentality is there.
My viewpoint on sex has "evolved" over time regarding it's value. If I were asked how to be a better sub or grow in a WLM, I would answer regarding the day to day activities. I think my wife would say the same. If we were asked both what we like best about a WLM, we both wouldn't say sex. She loves the control and decision making and I like the acts of service because she enjoys it thoroughly.
Possibly in relation to cuckolding, sex is always exciting and enjoyable. I'm just not sure it's a hugely significant aspect of our WLM. When my wife wants sex, she'll be direct and say so, as in " I want sex". It's not ceremonious with rituals or kinks. She simply has her urges to get her orgasms. And she'll take them as she pleases. Due to our schedule/circumstances, these sessions aren't long. When she's finished and satisfied, she'll soon go to sleep or immediately leave the room and continue with her day. It's almost like checking off a box on a to do list. I say that with love and much respect as I thoroughly enjoy this. And perhaps I over simplified it, but that's how she wishes it to be. And I comply. Sex used to be about me, for me, for me pleasure, to orgasm. But not anymore. My "job" is to make sure she's satisfied.
She may only use my cock or not, or just a toy, or only oral. These are all tools that get used to get her the orgasms. If I'm just a tool, am I that uniquely important? I don't know. But I'm happy and I know my purpose and role. She has me under her control. And perhaps that's the mindset that understand a cuckold.
Mz Kaylee,
Delete"Having an orgasm with your wife should be viewed as a supreme privilege, not a negative thing. A wife should allow her husband an orgasm every now and then to remind him of what he is missing when he is being denied. I hope others weigh in."
I agree with you. When my husband pressed for a WLM years ago, I know he assumed there would be some level orgasm control and denial (he suggested it). He didn't think that he would be getting an orgasm every two months or so. He likes the teasing and denial. Not only has he said so, but when he was offered a week of complete freedom to orgasm whenever he wanted he was lukewarm on the idea. When my husband does get an orgasm, he says it is fantastic. When he last had an orgasm with me, PIV, I though he was going to go into orbit! He thanked me over and over. I know it isn't conditioning. He enjoys it. This is good, because without sounding cruel this level of denial and release works best for us. I believe a man needs releases for health as well as to get some pleasure.
I've previously said that he claims our WLM has improved him. This may be true. He is more focused, he got two good promotions in his job, and he seems to have excelled in doing artwork and art projects (I merely encouraged Phil when he told me he had an interest). Our style of marriage may very well be beneficial to him, and to me. He's gets plenty of attention and he accomplishes more. I attribute some of this to orgasm control and to the fact that his masturbation habit was broken long ago.
Thanks and be well.
Joan
Great insight Joan. Thanks so much for sharing! Yes - WLM makes men better! More females should take control of their husbands :).
DeleteHi Joan, I think you have excellent points. I suppose there isn't an actual number that works with everyone regarding how many orgasms one should have with their wife. Once a month? Every 3 to 4 months? And only piv?
DeleteI absolutely love having an orgasm when it happens. But I don't seek them or hope for one every time sex occurs. I don't see that asWas a goal. When my wife said she didn't like the cum from my orgasm and that it shouldn't happen. I actually was a bit excited and happy that she's making progress on what she likes, communicating it, and getting her way.
As long as she's happy, and that I fulfill her request, I have no other feeling than joy and content. How I orgasm and how often don't seem to be so significant for me. Or for her.
I find it challenging to understand when one says " in a WLM, it should be this way" as a broad, all encompassing statement. Or " he/ she should be doing this...". But at the same time everyone's journey and experience, desires are very different.
I'd say perhaps my sub drop is more extreme.
---
Many have mentioned advantages of how cuckolding works in their relationship and that people should try it.
Some women have said they only allow their husbands to give them oral and piv is not allowed.
Perhaps a dominant wife only prefers ruined orgasms for their husbands.
If a man no longer masturbates, he very well may lose the desire. That doesn't necessarily mean he should masturbate on occasion to know what he's missing.
---
Those above statements can work well for many. They can also be terrible for many. It wouldn't be a fit for all.
At least for us, more emphasis it put on the intimacy of sex and the connection. Perhaps like Tantric sex.
Any guy could, would orgasm in a minute or two if allowed, but that wouldn't strengthen the marriage or really be intimacy.
I prefer to have incredible intense sex, and not objectify the orgasm at the end that only last a short time.
Moreover, if this is what a dominant woman in a WLM wishes. I would applaud them.
I hope this insight helps.
Mike,
DeleteYou said, "I suppose there isn't an actual number that works with everyone regarding how many orgasms one should have with their wife. Once a month? Every 3 to 4 months? And only PIV?"
Every couple is different. Every WLM is different. My husband gets an orgasm approximately every eight weeks/every two months. I give him an extra treat for a special reason like when we are on vacation, or for his birthday, or on our anniversary. I have timed his orgasms so he can release on a special day. He does not get PIV sex regularly. That is a very special reward for him. As far as frequency of his releases, at his age I want him to clear the pipes to help avoid potential prostate issues. I don't withhold planned orgasms throughout the year, but he still cannot cum without permission and he isn't exactly sure when he'll be getting an orgasm. He loves my orgasm control and teasing, and we are both more intimate today than when our WLM began. I'm quite a tease and he loves the attention. This works for us. My husband does not masturbate. I trust him enough to let him go fishing and camping with his guy friends a couple of times through the year. It's ironic because he's submissive to me at one extreme, and does "guy stuff" at the other extreme (His trips with the guys and at a doctors appointment are the only times he wears briefs. I think the pack he has will last a lifetime. Panties are required the rest of the time. Right now, he's folding the wash. When he's done, my rear gets oral attention). I go visiting my sister or my cousin when he's away. I need a break and he needs a break too. It's important for him to bond with friends so long as he behaves himself and doesn't give Mistress issues when he gets home. In fact, I've never have had any issues with him after he's been allowed to go with friends. The simple reason is that if there were issues, he knows my being leniency on these trips would come to an abrupt end. And, like Mz. Kaylee with her own husband, I have discipline sessions with my husband where we'd firmly discuss those issues.
We had our own version of boot camp to remind my husband I'm boss. He became fresh and made disrespectful wisecracks to me. He got some light punishment and performed challenges. I was pampered like a queen. No orgasms for him. He won't misbehave like that again (We talked afterwards and we loved the boot camp experience. I'll announce one to him later in the year).
Regards,
Joan
(I answered your comment earlier when my husband spotted it, but I don't think it loaded because there was no security confirmations. Comment text disappeared.)
Hi Joan
DeleteI do like the way he services you and remains obedient.
How often do you say piv vs oral do you get? Would you say oral is your preference or a way to keep him controlled ( or something special)?
Giving the rear end attention is something I enjoy as well. I think my orgasms would be at special occasions like your vacation weekend/trips. Great ideas.
I'd like to hear more from you
Mike,
DeleteI almost missed your reply. My husband gets PIV sex a few times a year. This keeps it special. I do not perform oral on my husband beyond a tease. He always liked to pleasure me with oral from day one. Continuing as a submissive husband was no adjustment. My husband was always interested in my rear. To be fair to him, I always make sure I'm reasonable fresh without revealing more private details. As far as controlling my husband, remember that he wants to be controlled. He wants a dominant wife. He told me the thought of going to his job and functioning in a leadership role, and then having the extreme opposite situation in his marriage is strangely a turn on. I have no doubt that he's happy. Orgasm control, discipline, teasing him, and offering up kinky situations he loves also help me control him. He enjoys each orgasm I allow. Masturbation is not allowed. He told me he enjoys the orgasm control and denial and those sensations. He certainly isn't abused because he wanted this relationship and I try never to go too far. He loves making me feel like the queen so I presume I can say we have a fairly balanced relationship.
Thanks for your reply.
Joan
Thanks for the insight Joan. Excellent wisdom. Maybe you can write a profile template. It may be easier to write to you more directly. May have a question or two for you.
DeleteHope all is still
Mike - can you elaborate on your cuckolding reference in your post? I did not understand what you meant or how it fit into what you were describing.
ReplyDeleteThanks.
Regarding cuckolding, it's been an interesting concept and idea.
DeleteAfter/during denial so long and realizing the obedience and nature of being submissive, I realize I have a particular role to fulfill. I have a certain value to aspects of a WLM submissive. This pertains to not only surrendering control and decisions to finances and home decisions but to sex too. Essentially, in all those aspects the wife knows my limits, abilities and what I can offer. Perhaps, would it be reasonable or logical to think that the wife may want to be sexually satisfied differently? Is that not a variable she could change or control is she's truly in charge?
And if the husband is truly submissive and to follow her lead, wouldn't it be acceptable if she wanted an alternative?
I've seen a few guys mentioned the understanding behind cuckolding in a WLM. Perhaps that can be a post for discussion.
What are your thoughts?
Mike, great comment. I think the topic of cuckolding is pretty common in our world. For millions of years of evolution the male has been the aggressor. In order to assure the survival of the species the male needed to over power the female and plant his seed. Now that my wife has seen my submissive side. Seen me literally beg for an orgasm, seen me submit to her will, I know that she can never see me as the over powering male again. So, you start questioning does she want this at least from time to time. If she does I would be powerless to stop her. I think in most cases it would never happen, but as a submissive it does role around in your head from time to time. I would like to hear if it is actually some thing that the dominate wives think about. Maybe some of the wives can chime in on this subject. Stay safe-Alan
Delete> "millions of years of evolution the male has been the aggresso"
DeleteNo, sexual selection doesn't work like that. Females mate with those males that they like. If we are talking about the closest relatives of people - this is Bonobo, egalitarian primates, where male aggression is not welcome. Many researchers also speak of matriarchy among them.
And human nature confirms this. Sexual dimorphism in humans decreases the entire anthropogenesis. Fangs are also reduced. This means that women chose non-aggressive men.
This is how human evolution works.
Hi Alan
DeleteI'd like to hear the women perspective too on this. There's a post long time ago here if you search for it.
I think once a man engulfs the concept of submission, then they understand they have a certain role. And perhaps the other cock fulfils another role. Yet, the man has content with the wife being happy and satisfied nonetheless.
Would you welcome that situation?
Actually your wrong Neanderthals competed for the right to mate much as wolves do. No anthropologist disagrees with this. The female wanted to mate with the most fit of the species. That's simply evolution. Unless your a creationist and if that's the case then I guess I'm wrong.- Alan
DeleteMike, I will look for it. My wife has been flirty with other men in the past. We used to go dancing a lot. I didn't care for dancing that much, I was more into the social aspect of the function. She would often dance with other men and I always noticed she would continue to dance until a slow dance would come on before coming off the dance floor. As the night went and she had a few drinks she would get more and more friendly with these gentlemen. Soon her head would be laying on their shoulder, when she spoke to them her face would be very close to theirs. If it was the end of the night she might give them a quick kiss. I never felt jealous, but sometimes I will admit it turned me on a little. At the point we are now in our relationship I know I would be powerless to stop her, but I am not sure how I would react. Stay Safe-Alan
Delete> "Actually your wrong Neanderthals competed for the right to mate much as wolves do"
DeleteNo, it is not.
— "Humans share with chimpanzees a higher propensity for proactive aggression than is found in bonobos. However, humans share with bonobos a lower propensity for severe reactive aggression than is found in chimpanzees."
In a tendency to one of the types of aggression, we are closer to ordinary chimpanzees, and in a tendency to another - to a bonobo:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5777045/
Finally, thirdly, even in ordinary chimpanzees, the key to leadership is not necessarily in strength and aggression.
He may be the smartest one (example: the well-known case of Mike's alpha male described by Jane Goodall
http://antropogenez.ru/zveno-single/43/
)
It is also noted that alpha should be not so much aggressive as a politician who knows how to negotiate.
Obviously, man has not evolved to be an aggressor. On the contrary, sexual selection went in the direction of decreasing sexual dimorphism.
Sorry I am new here. I am so glad you are on this because I am in a situation guys would kill for but have spent nights crying over it, for real.
ReplyDeleteBeing in charge I was able to manipulate my wife into just about anything I have wanted. She did all of the fantasies and however there was no true submissive feeling behind it for me. When I literally said exactly what to do, I knew what to expect. The randomness is not there and its almost emotionless.
I find myself loving the new WLM but sometimes still struggle with her not being dominant enough. I told her today I simply do not fear her at all and can get my way. I know being more submissive helps, and I obviously need to just stop topping?
Hi Ric
DeleteI think you're on the right track. I've said the similar to my wife about being more controlling. One challenge is that there isn't a set standard or goal to achieve or measure. Most of that type of conversation is towards encouraging. And also "would you like to try this..." approach can be helpful without being too agressive. I think you're right about not topping from the bottom in that sense. I think she'll find her own ability of what feels comfortable to her in steps.
Let's see how it goes!
Mz Kaylee, how long did it evole for you to truly be the dominant one and do you think it would have been harder if Thomas were more dominant outside of home?
ReplyDeleteIt took several years for me to get comfortable with being dominant and to truly embrace it. Knowing how to be dominant in a WLM and understanding the submissive dynamic is not easy to do and it is not intuitive. At least for me it wasn't. I know it was a bit of a roller coaster ride for my husband in the beginning. I give him lots of credit for being persistent in a gentle way and helping me evolve into the dominant role.
DeleteThomas is dominant outside of the home. He is in a leadership position at work. He wanted to submit to me so having him submit was not hard. If I was the dominant one already and was trying to get him to submit, I think that would have been hard.
Yes, I agree. It's a journey and a self discovery experience. You'll see how well, if at all your wife enjoys leading.
DeleteMy wife before a WLM had natural dominant personality but putting it into a meaningful structure was the challenge.
But enjoy the ride. Don't make it feel like work for her to grasp
Mike- thanks for explaining your thoughts on cuckolding and the non sexual benefits of the WLM to your wife. Your thoughts and observations on these topics make sense.The way you feel about cuckolding is common among submissive men. There was a guest post on cuckolding awhlie back that may be worth you reading.
ReplyDeleteRegarding subdrop, it's all part of a neccessary cycle. Not everything in life is easy or pleasurable. You need to accept it and train yourself to stay positive during that period and do what you can to shorten it. I have written about this in my March post.
Hi mzkaylee
ReplyDeleteI went back to the cuckolding and sub drop posts. Great stuff. It appears everyone reacts differently to each of these situations. A "one shoe doesn't fit all" type of situation. That could be for denial periods and cuckolding in WLM I imagine.
You wrote a FAQ post about yourself a long time ago. I thought it may be nice if you could do an update possibly? I think you have a lot of #1 fan readers. I am :)
You covered your thoughts on cuckolding, denial periods with Thomas, how much oral vs penetration you like, orgasms together and new developments etc.