Jean

 1. Who am I (name, sex, approx. age, where you live)

Jean
Female, mid 50s, northeast US

2. My position in the relationship (submissive, dominant, or switch? If switch, do you favor one over the other?

Dominant

3. What is your current marriage status and WLM/FLR situation (Married and in a WLM, not married and in a FLR, not married but seeking a FLR, etc.)? What is status of your WLM (Beginners, Mature, Somewhere in the middle)

Married in a WLM. Status is somewhere in the middle

4.  When did you first discover your submissive/dominant desires?

I do not have a naturally dominant personality. My husband has had submissive desires since high school

5.  Describe how WLM/FLR was introduced into your relationship? Explain your experiences of how you went from discovering submission/domination up to the point of being in a WLM/FLR?

As I suspect with most WLM relationships, my husband, about 15 years ago, introduced femdom to me and that he wanted to be submissive to me. 

Initially, and for a number of years, we only had femdom sessions. It would always result in us having sex. But our overall relationship was not a WLM

Over time though and as I got more comfortable, my husband expressed his desire of wanting a WLM relationship.   

We began experimenting about 5 years ago but have had challenges which I’ll explain below

He introduced me to your site which has been extremely helpful. Hearing other couple’s experiences has helped immensely as I evolve in my dominant role

 

6.  Describe your current WLM/FLR situation
    a.       Chores

He handles all the household chores except cooking because he’s a terrible cook.  I would like to train him to cook as well but for now having him do all the cleaning and laundry is good enough. It has been wonderful.  For example, recently I lounged outside in the nice weather while he was working inside the house. I summoned him as needed.  I also went to the spa and got my nails done

    b.       Finances/Money

He handles all the finances because frankly he’s just better at it. And I hate doing it. But he keeps me informed of everything 

    c.       Rules/Protocols

I have had him create a shared document which records all his chores and when they are to be completed.  I make changes to it as I see fit

    d.       Punishment and Discipline

In the same document, we record any indiscretions such as failing to complete chores properly or according to the schedule, unauthorized viewing of adult websites, unauthorized masturbation, etc. He of course is required to be completely honest when I question him. 

I try to discipline him weekly but sometimes life gets in the way. He is required to strip naked and wait for me on his knees in the corner of our bedroom. When I’m ready, he must recite all his indiscretions after which I have him bend over and paddle or cane him or sometimes both depending on the number and severity of his infractions since his last punishment. Suffice to say the marks usually last for several days. Then we wipe the slate clean and start over

    e.       Chastity/Orgasm Control

He is not allowed to cum without my permission nor is he allowed to visit adult websites. But this has been a challenge. He had been masturbating frequently pre WLM. I have now locked down his phone and computer to prevent him from viewing adult web sites and have begun putting him in chastity, particularly when he is alone and has the opportunity.  And of course, more severe punishment as this is a major no no in my eyes. I also recently ruined his orgasm for the 1st time ever. His cum just drizzled out and he said it was not nearly as enjoyable. Afterwards, he had to watch as I orgasmed several times with my wand.  It was a lot of fun.  He promises all this will make him more compliant. We’ll see. He is a man after all LOL

    f.        Rituals, Protocols, routines

He is required to put on panties when he comes home from work though he forgets often and I have been lax in enforcing it. We’re working on improving that as it always puts him in the submissive state of mind 

Also, when I shower, he is to put the towels in the dryer to get them nice and warm and then have them in my hands immediately after he hears me turn off the water. Once I’m out of the shower he then must squeegee the shower glass. Sometimes I give him a treat and allow him to towel me dry and apply moisturizer to my body

    g.       Fetishes or kinks

There are several but biggest is high heel shoes, particularly high heel mules.  I’ve acquired many and it’s nice that they are back in style. If I need to get his mind “right”, walking around in any of my mules will do the trick right away. He begins leaking precum almost immediately 

7.       How public is your WLM/FLR – do others know about it? How do you act in public?

Not public at all.  No one knows about our arrangement. I’m not ready for that and I may never be. We’ll see how things progress. Only thing we have done in public when with friends is to have subtle “chores” in place like making sure my drink is never empty. But we don’t do it often. Maybe something to improve upon

8.       Do you have kids in the house? If yes, what age group (infant, toddler, teenager, adult)

Yes, we have 2 adult kids

9.       Describe how the WLM/FLR works with kids in the house

This has been one of our biggest challenges and why our WLM is not as mature as it could be. It is a big fear of mine they might find out and so when they’re home it’s difficult for me to be the dominant.  But I am working on being a more “subtle” dom when the kids are home and have made good progress in that regard the past few months. Having that written schedule of his required chores has also helped him stay on point without my intervention. 

10.   What are some of challenges you face in your WLM/FLR?

Other major challenge is that my natural personality is not dominant as I mentioned above. And so especially in the beginning, there would be long periods where I would not exert my dominance.   This in turn made my husband grumpy and not attentive to his duties which in turn made me shut down even further. He would also revert to adult websites and masturbating. We ended up with long stretches where we were not in a WLM and actually our vanilla relationship suffered as well as a result.

I am working on that but recently my husband has also admitted he was being very selfish in this regard and basically topping from the bottom.  He has committed to me to be the very best servant he can be and that includes when I’m not as engaged. He now repeatedly tells me it’s as important, if not more important for me to benefit from the WLM lifestyle. Otherwise, it’s hard to sustain. 

We are making progress. And we now set aside time each Sunday night (we actually put it on our calendar) to talk and air out any concerns. This has really helped prevent problems by not allowing things to fester. 

11.   What things do you like the most about your WLM/FLR?

The obvious. No more housework and more pampering of myself while he’s at home slaving away LOL!!  And of course, he goes down on me whenever I want. 

12.   How have things evolved or changed with you and as a couple in your WLM/FLR over time since starting the WLM/FLR? How does this compare to how you were prior to the WLM/FLR?

I’ve certainly become more confident in my abilities as the leader and in myself in general. I suppose having someone treat you like a goddess will do that.  For my husband, I can certainly see a sense of contentment and fulfillment that was not there before.  We’ve always had a good marriage but this has helped us to become even closer and we communicate so much better now. 

13.   If there were one or two things you could change about your WLM/FLR or one or two things new you would like to try, what would they be?

Nothing right now. I have set aside time to do research twice per week. I’m still in the process of reading all your old blog entries. As I become more comfortable and obtain new ideas, I’m sure I’ll be adding more

14.   Do you have any advice for others who are starting out in a WLM/FLR?

COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE!!! And often

And for the guys, be patient. You’re asking a lot of your wife.  It won’t happen overnight. It’s your job to serve her as best you can. This is not just about fulfilling your submissive desires but about both of you becoming closer and happier as you progress

15.   Is there anything else you what like to share?

For me, it’s been important to pause the WLM from time to time, whether it be for an evening or a few days.  Now that our kids are older, we go out frequently and I so enjoy having “vanilla”evenings out like we used to before children. 

Key I guess is to make your WLM custom to what works best for you recognizing that will change over time. I know in my case for example, I’m much more dominant over my husband than a year ago.  

Lastly, thank you so much Mz Kaylee for this blog.  There is so much femdom material out there but most of it caters to the professional dominatrix and can be pretty hard core. Forums such as this have been invaluable as we progress in our journey.