Bob

1.Who am I

Bob

Male,

65 years old, living in Southern California

2. My position in the relationship (submissive, dominant, or switch? If switch, do you favor one over the other?

Submissive

3. What is your current marriage status and WLM/FLR situation (Married and in a WLM, not married and in a FLR, not married but seeking a FLR, etc.)? What is status of your WLM (Beginners, Mature, Somewhere in the middle)

Married for 40 years and entered into our wife led marriage about four years ago, We are past the beginning stage and leaning to a mature WLM.  On a scale of 1 to 4, I would estimate our  WLM something along the lines of a 3.5 

  

4.  When did you first discover your submissive/dominant desires?

I had “early onset” submissive tendencies toward the women and girls I cared deeply about. Ever since I can remember, I have fantasized about dominant women.  Longer term girlfriends were the girls most confident in themselves and I married a very confident, competent woman.

5.  Describe how WLM/FLR was introduced into your relationship? Explain your experiences of how you went from discovering submission/domination up to the point of being in a WLM/FLR?

I asked my wife to consider leading in our relationship, as I was tired of the passive aggressive fighting for control that had been occurring over the last few years of our marriage.  As our lives changed due to various reasons, examples; work related changes for me, changes in our personal lives as we became empty nesters, changes in our two children’s lives as they both went through divorces in their respective marriages.  My attitude, and certainly our marriage, suffered the strain of these life changing events.

Having traveled most of my working career, my wife was basically a “Supermom”.  She ran the house very well, raising our two kids, more than competently “Holding Down the Fort” all those years.   Don’t get me wrong, I was very much involved with the family when I was home, which included most weekends and all holidays.  I attended and supported the kids school programs and athletic events, Boy Scouts, etc.  I handled all of our home maintenance, took the family on vacations, and loved being a Dad and husband.  But, it was my wife who was home every night with the kids, who handled the bill paying and finances, who maintained a full time job, who enrolled them in sports, and who worked homework with them.  It was not uncommon for me to be traveling four nights a week, gone from home Monday morning until Friday night three out of four weeks a month.   She had learned to make independent decisions without me looking over her shoulder.   

Neither of us are ones who like confrontation, but of the two of us, I was the one who mastered the art of passive aggressive hostility. As my attitude toward life in general soured, I became a bear to live around, not too much made me happy.  I realized that I was putting everything I had highly valued in jeopardy.  I knew she was not happy and, if I didn’t want to lose her, I needed to make some changes.

One Sunday, I took her to lunch, and I poured my heart out to her.  I told her how much I admired her, and that I was very proud of everything she had accomplished in our marriage, including the incredible mother she had been to our two kids.  I told her of the reasons that I had fallen for her to begin with: her smile, her laugh, her intelligence, her beauty, her tenacity, and her dedication to staying fit. I told her that I had always been attracted to her because of her sense of purpose, her great moral compass, and her joy for life.  

I admitted to her that I had become very difficult to live with, and I was very sorry about it.  I told her that I had no excuses for my poor behavior toward her and I asked her to help me bring those problems to a stop.  I told her that I had given our relationship a lot of thought and that I believed we were best as a couple, and that I was at my happiest when she led our personal lives and our household.  I conceded to her that our relationship had become strained because I was quashing the very spirit in her that I valued so much.  

I told her I was ready to accept her guidance, and would listen to and accept every criticism she had of me as gospel according to her.  I told her that my attitude toward anything she put forward regarding my behavior would be accepted positively, and that I would accept her input as impetus to work harder at being the man and husband she wanted. 

I asked her to read a story called “A New Bride’s Guide to Training Her Husband” and see if the concepts interested her at all. She did read it, and she did agree to take the Journey with me. 

Four years later our situation is this; neither of us is willing to go back to a so called 50/50 relationship.  She is happier leading, and I am happier following her lead. 

6.  Describe your current WLM/FLR situation
    a.       Chores – I do 95% of the household chores, clothes washing, ironing, bedmaking and changing, vacuuming, sweeping, dusting, meal prep, dishes, bathroom cleaning, yard and house maintenance, car upkeep including gassing her car, etc.

    b.       Finances/Money - She handles paying the bills, approving major purchases, my pay has been direct deposited into “Her” account for years.  Both our names are on all accounts for security sake.

    c.       Rules/Protocols – I perform “Daily Affirmation” kneeling to her pledging my surrender and submission to her.  I have a list of promises to her listed under Love, Honor, Service and Obey that we review each week at a formal review session.  We have a “No Excuses, No Exceptions” policy for some rules that are strictly enforced.  I have always loved guidelines and rules in my life and am happy to have them back again.  She has not initiated any protocol decorum.

    d.       Punishment and Discipline -  She will use corporal punishment on me for violations of “No Excuses, No Exceptions” rules, such as poor attitude toward her and others, poor voice, talking back.  She was highly reticent at first, but now she not only sees that physical punishments work well in adapting my behavior, but they also work well for her.  For her, she tells me the physical act of controlling me in this way is very empowering and she enjoys that feeling.  For me, I find that physically submitting in this way gives me great mental comfort.  

    e.       Chastity/Orgasm Control -  Orgasm control was initiated at the outset of our WLM.  For a couple of years chastity was honor based.  Two years ago she told me to buy a male chastity device, she uses it on me occasionally, but not often. 

    f.        Rituals, Protocols, routine -  see “c” above for Rituals and protocols. Some of the routines I perform are:  nightly foot massages, bed turn down, morning coffee,  

    g.       Fetishes or kinks – She has none that she has offered up, other than she has found she likes to spank me, and does so on a weekly basis, calling it “Maintenance”.  I too like it, as it feeds my need to act out submissively in a very intimate way.  I have a lot of kink in me, some of which she has accepted and will occasionally gift me with, such as light bondage, nipple clamping and tease and denial.


7.       How public is your WLM/FLR – do others know about it? How do you act in public?

Not public at all, but we are becoming more overt as our WLM dynamic has become more our “new normal”.  Distinct changes can be seen if you know us well enough.  Example, now I never accept an invitation to do something without first consulting my wife. Or, for instance, my neighbors can hear me if I yell from the garage into the house, “Hey hon, Ok if I run across the street for a minute?”  To me it is quite evident who runs the show when, in a group setting, she will tell me, “You can have two drinks tonight” or “We will be splitting a meal tonight”.   A bath brush lays on our dresser, there have been a few comments about it.   

8.       Do you have kids in the house? If yes, what age group (infant, toddler, teenager, adult)

No kids in the house

9.       Describe how the WLM/FLR works with kids in the house   N/A

10.   What are some of challenges you face in your WLM/FLR?

The challenge of staying submissive to her more and more of the time is always in front of me.  We do have our rituals and routines of weekly reviews, weekly corporal discipline maintenance sessions, and daily affirmations to help me with this.  And, I believe, these things help to empower her as the leader of our marriage as well.   My personal biggest challenge is to accept that my wife’s “need” to be dominant is not as persistent in her life as is my “need” to be submissive in mine.   Becoming more vulnerable to her, more open regarding my needs as her sub has been challenging, largely because I do not want her to think of our relationship as more work for her, but rather more relaxing and fun for her. 

During our Weekly Review’s being consistent in my promise to not contradict or defend myself when she gives me feedback regarding my previous weeks actions has been very key in reviving her “Voice” in our marriage.  It has taken a good three years of being extremely consistent in this area to get her to fully accept that I was going to “walk the talk” of a submissive.  Giving up the right to override her decisions and follow her course has not been too big of an issue because we see things very similarly, but to actually put this into practice also takes diligence on my part.

One of the rules she has put into place is my need to advise her of my activity during my “free” time.  Example, I used to just run across the street to see, or help, my neighbor.  He is a very good friend and we do things as couples frequently.  Now, it is my responsibility to ask her if it would be okay to head over, instead of just going or telling her I was going over.  Another example, a friend calls me and asks me to go to a ball game with him, in the past, if nothing was on the calendar, I would accept the invitation, now I ask permission to go.  This change has been one of the most difficult for me to mentally accept and comply to.  I love that she felt the need to initiate this rule. And I feel proud of myself every time I comply. But it is to me one of the most humbling, and most public rules that I am responsible for obeying.  The fact that it is her rule, one she piut in place makes it an even greater demand, and an even greater submissive act.     


11.   What things do you like the most about your WLM/FLR?

She is much happier, and I am much happier too.  I feel like I am more in my “element” being surrendered and submissive to her.  Surrendering was key, telling her that I surrendered was humbling, yet very satisfying to me.   I love that our communication has improved 1000 %.  I love our weekly reviews, and after four years of doing them, if we skip a week, we both miss this specific time we spend together.  I love that my wife’s health has improved.  She is a very A Type personality, and since we have been on our Journey her sleep patterns have greatly improved along with other specific medical conditions that are typically attributed to A Types who internalize their stress.  Reducing her stress level has been joy to watch.  A better relationship, with better physical and mental health, has made for a better and enriched sex life. 

12.   How have things evolved or changed with you and as a couple in your WLM/FLR over time since starting the WLM/FLR? How does this compare to how you were prior to the WLM/FLR?

I believe that we, as a couple, have both evolved into our WLM roles.  Prior to entering into a formal WLM we had never discussed our roles to each other as man and wife.  This seems rather odd, but true. 

When we became parents we did discuss our roles as Mom and Dad, and we did discuss how we needed to make decisions together regarding parenting.  To ensure we were both on the same page in regards to raising our son and daughter, we often sat down together and discussed parenting. Something we never did regarding our respective roles as a couple.  I believe this became quite glaring as we became empty nesters, and we had no “Couples Baseline” to fall back upon.   

We now have definitive roles as a couple. I, as her sub, have definitive rules and benchmarks to follow and exceed.  She, as the dominant, has the greater voice in the relationship and she has learned to trust my commitment to supporting her decisions.  We work well together this way.  As parents we were told that we exceptionally good together, (even our kids have told us that!), we were united and consistent.  As a couple, we are blessed with a lot of great friends, we are very social, and we are told that we always look happy.  After a few years of difficult times together our WLM has helped us re-solidify that persona as a couple.  And I would venture to say that she would agree with me that we have never been happier.


13.   If there were one or two things you could change about your WLM/FLR would they be?

As you get older, time becomes more and more precious.  The time it has taken for us to get to this level in our relationship is sadly gone.  So, the time remaining for us to benefit from the things we have learned about ourselves is what is important.  What I wish for in the future would be for her to be more expressive in what she wants to do together, so we can get it done without future regrets. If I could be better at empowering her every day possibly she would become forward with what it is she wants.  

14.   Do you have any advice for others who are starting out in a WLM/FLR?

For the male, if you sincerely believe you would be happier with her leading, are confident in her abilities to lead, and are willing to walk the talk of a submissive, then man up and have a discussion with her.  If you have never discussed your roles in your relationship, even if you don’t eventually move into a WLM/FLR, I recommend you do so.  In either case, be humble and be vulnerable, but be you.  I can say truthfully that I feel more manly, not less; more loving, not less; a better lover, not less; more humble, not less; and much happier since asking her to lead.

For the female, a man who surrenders and submits himself to you has taken a big leap off the vulnerability bridge.   I can’t speak for your man, but for me it was a very nervous time.  Be kind, ask him questions, keep your communication very open.  If you are interested and/or receptive to exploring the lifestyle, ask him for his input, and do some research on your own.  Concentrate on what it is that interests you the most and see where that leads.  Be consistent, be you.

For you both, there is a ton of male fantasy material about women dominating men, most of it is simply sexual fodder for the masturbating male, (and maybe even for some women). However, there is literature that can be quite helpful.  My wife and I have together read a few books on beginning and living in a female led relationship.  For her, reading about FLR’s showed to her that others are involved in this lifestyle in a very real way.  The literature gave her a sense of direction, a bit of a road map for our new Journey. It was a confidence builder for her, and we continue to follow a few lifestyle blogs that are dedicated WLM/FLR. 

For me, researching and discussing what surrendering and submitting to her really was going to be like was very enlightening.  I was able to more easily push the femdom fantasy away and embrace the benefits of submission to the woman I love.  We have been able to more openly discuss what our relationship goals and aspirations are for now and for the future.   We use the information gleaned from the internet blogs and books as talking points during review sessions, dismissing some as not for us, some as things we would like to try, and some things become integrated into our life right away.