Submissive Refresh

Every now and then our WLM goes off course a bit because of external factors that impact my husband or I or both of us. It may be work related or family issues. As we all know from the recent pandemic, sickness can also temporarily put a stop to normal routines. Some things are beyond our control and we just have to deal with them. That is the way life works. As I talk about this, I am visualizing a ship traveling across the ocean that hits stormy seas. Large swells and waves may force the ship off course but once things calm down a bit the captain takes measures to get the ship back on course. This is all fresh in my mind because my husband and I are traversing a few waves of our own right now, that are beyond our control. So I am the captain of my marriage and like the captain of the ship, it is my responsibility to take measures to not get too far off course and then when the seas start to calm a bit, take action to get our WLM back on track. I have learned that the sooner I take these measures the better. If you let poor routines, laziness, and mediocre obedience linger, it only becomes worse and it becomes frustration for both the Wife and husband. 

The good news is that it easy to get back on track. It is as simple as administering a tough discipline session, with punishment, and then resetting expectations with your submissive husband. When I do this with my husband he instantly snaps back into submissive mode and his devotion and obedience to me is re-energized. I wish someone had told me this trick earlier in my FLR because there were many times in the past where we were floating along haphazardly for weeks in a state of unhappiness and frustration. Eventually I figured out that the "rip the band-aid" off approach worked perfectly. It is amazing how submissive men respond instantly to a session of  tough domination. I've realize that not only does my husband need this to get back on track, but he wants it. He wants the discipline, he wants me to be strict about resetting expectations, and he wants the punishment too. When external factors affect his obedience, it is not his fault, but he still needs and wants the punishment because it is his way to pay penance and forgive himself for not serving me the way he committed to. Once the punishment is over, his slate is wiped clean and he can move forward with his refreshed submission and devotion.

My usual approach is to first give him a written note expressing my disapproval in how things are going, citing specific examples. I will also express understanding of why it is happened and then state that it is time for him to do better and get back on track with his routines and chores. In the note I will convey that we will have a discipline session at a certain time (usually the upcoming weekend) to discuss further. I like giving the note about a day in advance of the session because it helps him mentally prepare for it, but it is not too long of a timeframe that he dwells on it. The note is also the spark that starts to re-energize his obedience. He always thanks me for the note and that day he will pay much more attention to me.

For the discipline session, I will have him naked or in sissy panties or in collar and cuffs. Typically when I do our regular review session, I am dressed in normal clothes. For this discipline session I will put on a fetish outfit such as a latex minidress, corset, or a leather top and shorts. I have these amazing heels with studded straps that I like to wear with the outfit. I break out the fetish wear for these occasions because this type of clothing sets a serious and dominant mood, which is very effective in helping to snap my husband back to the obedient and devoted slave that I want and the he desires to be. When he sees me in these outfits, the submissive effect on him is noticeable.

 I will then spend about 30 minutes discussing the situation and resetting expectations. Sometimes I will spank him but for these "get back on track" discipline sessions, I spend more time focused on discussing my expectations of him going forward because we both know the reason things went off-track was more due to external factors outside of our control. Focusing on what needs to change is more productive and motivational. I may even add a new rule or expectation for him.  During our talk he will either be kneeling across me while I am sitting on the bed or laying next to me on the bed, so that I can hold and stroke his cock. This keeps him very focused on listening to me.

At the end of the session, I will issue a punishment, which always requires that he wear a special pair of punishment panties every day until I feel his obedience and devotion are back up to my expectations on a consistent basis. Sometimes he has worn these panties for over a month. He has to hand wash them every night. For the actual punishment, I usually takeaway some of his privileges for a period of time such as activities with friends or TV time. The session will end with him spending 30 minutes kneeling in the corner as part of his punishment and to meditate on what he needs to do to be more devoted and obedient to me. However, I do get aroused during these sessions, so I will order him to orally pleasure me before I send him off to the corner. It is a very empowering feeling to order him to the corner immediately after I have an orgasm and while he is denied orgasm and fully aroused and horny for me.

The discipline session is also beneficial to me. Planning for and administering the session helps me get back into the routine of enforcing the rules and exerting my dominance. I am re-energized after the sessions and in the days following it will pay extra attention to ensuring Thomas is doing what he is supposed to do. 

The end result of all this is that we are both refocused on our roles within the WLM and we get right back on track without looking back. I highly recommend you use a tough discipline and punishment session to get things back on track, if your WLM has gone off course. Do not wait either. It's best to address it immediately.

-Mz Kaylee

 

Benefits of a Female Led Relationship (FLR)

I recently stumbled across an article that highlighted 6 benefits of a Female Led Relationship (FLR), which I thought had great insights. The article was a bit of a sales pitch for Women to try FLR and I think it is a great sales pitch. Below I've pulled out a few quotes from the article that I felt were noteworthy. If you are a female that is new to FLR or are thinking about giving it a try, I recommend reading the full article written by JezebelbyNight:

https://jezebelbynight.com/female-led-relationship/

A side note before we begin. In her writings, she uses the term Dominatrix, which most people relate to a leather clad, whip yielding woman who dominates many guys. Do not be intimidated by that reference. I personally would not characterize a woman in a FLR as a Dominatrix because of that extreme connotation associated with the label. To me, FLR is  about loving female control, which is much broader than femdom kink. Keep this context in mind as you read her article. On to the post: 

Jezebel commenting on Women trying FLR:

"This can lead to you growing and changing in other areas of your life, as you find yourself more able to be assertive in situations that may demand it, or more seductive and able to get what you want where you may previously have shrunk into the background. You will be able to command the respect that you may not always receive in life, and this is perhaps one of the greatest reasons there is to become a Dominatrix and begin a Female-Led Relationship."

This has been true for me. I was not a dominant or assertive person prior to FLR. My confidence and comfort with myself have grown tremendously since I embarked on a FLR. Now I am more assertive in everyday life, especially with guys. In the bedroom I am much more adventurous and in charge. When I look back, I find it funny that I was self-conscious walking around naked in front of my husband. Now I feel empowered being naked in front of him. There is no doubt now that I am dominant and very much in charge of my husband. 

"Opening yourself to the world of Femdom means that you have so many things to learn and experiment with, and your journey towards total Dominance will be peppered with lots of fun and exciting discoveries along the way."

Absolutely true!  It is a journey and there is a lot to learn. The one thing I would add is the journey is filled with both fun (ups) and frustration (downs) but as you progress on your journey the ups become much bigger and longer than the downs.

"Even if you don’t end up being a total Domme, you’re bound to find something that you didn’t know you loved, just by opening your mind to the possibility."

I love this statement! You have a lot to gain and nothing to lose by giving FLR a try. You can even start with baby steps by taking control of your husband for just one weekend a month and then as your comfort grows, add rules for him that extend beyond the weekend or increase your dominance time to a full week or more than 1 weekend a month. 

The next excerpt from Jezebel's article is about communication and the bond that is formed between the couple as a result of FLR. This deep bond is a tremendous benefit that I never anticipated when I started my FLR journey. FLR forced us to be more open, vulnerable and communicative with each other and it did it in a fun way. This created moments of fulfilling intimacy that led to a deep connection and trust between us. After 20+ years of marriage, my husband tells me often that he is so in love with me and that he feels like we are still in the honeymoon phase of our marriage. I feel the same way. We are connected together on a deep level that we would never have been able to achieve without FLR. Over the years of writing my blog, I have had several guys and Females in FLRs share similar experiences with me.

"You cannot have a strong and fulfilling D/s relationship without trust and intimacy. Even being able to discuss your fantasies with your partner requires a huge amount of trust and open communication, and what relationship couldn’t benefit from that?

You also have to learn what your partner’s wants, needs and limits are and how to respect them.

As well as building trust in the relationship, sharing your innermost desires with your partner creates a strong bond between you both.

A relationship where both partners have open communication, trust each other, feel connected and bonded to one another, and understand themselves on a deep level is a relationship worth being in, and these virtues will likely extend to other areas of the relationship, reducing conflict and creating loyalty and closeness."

And here are some final thoughts from Jezebel:

"At the end of the day, if you don’t try then you’ll never know. You don’t have to go full-on Scary Dominatrix and invest in a whole array of instruments of torture in order to be Dominant. If Femdom is good for anything, it’s for teaching you how to be open about your wants and needs, stand up for yourself in situations that require it, and sometimes, just sometimes, being able to bat your eyelids and get whatever you want 😉"

I don't know... would I be considered a full on scary Dominatrix?

I had a laugh at that reference but her point is spot on. There is no one right way to run a FLR. You have to decide what is right for you and do the things that resonate with you. What works for one couple may not work for another couple and something that is not appealing to you now, may suddenly be appealing a few years later as your FLR matures and progresses. A glaring example is the last post on cuckolding. If you read the comments you will see there are a myriad of opinions and viewpoints about it. It is perfectly ok to have different opinions and it just highlights that while it is great to listen to advice from others, you still need to apply your own judgement and reasoning on how you approach your FLR.

My advice is to read just my blog and follow all my advice. Just kidding!! You should read as much as you can about FLR and Femdom and try the things that appeal to you. There is a lot of BS that you will have to dig through but every so often you will find a golden nugget. The more you read and experiment with things, the more you will be able discern what is good advice and what is just fantasy fodder. I also suggest that you have an open mind and read about a topic that you might normally pass on and also try a few of the ideas that may seem crazy or that are outside of your comfort zone. You may be surprised at how much you like it. I've had many of these unexpected surprises over the years. I've also had a few failures but they are the moments that you look back and laugh at. To re-quote Jezebel - "If you don't try then you''ll never know."

Good luck and if you try something new, I'd love to hear how it went.

-Mz Kaylee

 

Turning My Husband Into a Cuckold (Guest post by Debbie)

My husband, David, and I are in a long established Female-led relationship. Even before we were married I wore the pants. David did the all the chores and handled the bill paying routine. He also helped my mother with chores, chauffeuring, what ever she needed. It's a lot of work and he frequently fell behind. Add to that, David earned relatively little compared to my earnings. Mom and I talked it over and decided David was quitting his job to be a full-time housekeeper. . We didn't need his pittance of a salary. David jumped into his new situation - what else could a submissive guy want?

Sounds good, doesn't it? Well it's not. David may please me as a housekeeper but he's a real loser in the bed room. When it comes to sex David doesn't make me happy and I told him that. He's a beta guy. Blue pills, therapy, and laser treatments don't make a difference. Vibrators and even a sex machine are nice but women want a real man in bed. David wasn't a real man. He wasn't pleasing me AND isn't pleasing the wife what an FLR is all about? I was going to start dating other men and David was just going to have to live with it! A guy in work, Rob, a real stud, had been giving me lots of attention. “I think he wants to fuck me and I can't see why not.” At first David was taken back. I assured him that he was fantastic housekeeper and that my seeing other men wasn't going to change that part of our relationship. What would change was that he was now my cuckold, defined as the husband of a woman who had sex with men outside her marriage. The woman in such a relationship is a Cuckoldress or a Cuck-Queen. There are many variations on the term and the practice of cuckolding - just query the term and see - but for purposes of our relationship the definitions, above, are it. Historically a cuckoldry was looked upon with scorn but no more - many of my girlfriends cuckold their husbands/boyfriends. The modern empowered woman has choices in the bedroom and will do as she pleases. David was to have nothing to do with my dating - Nothing! My dating is strictly my business. He agreed. I felt a surge of power - this was real control. I called Rob to set up our first date.

I sent David off to Mom's to do housework. I wanted mom to gauge David's acceptance of being a cuckold. I didn't want to lose my housekeeper but I wasn't going to stop seeing other men, either.

David has a great relationship with my mother, regarding her as a Goddess. She brought up the topic of cuckolding, asking how he felt about his wife dating other guys. Not surprisingly, he had no objections, and only wanted me to be happy. Mom told him that cuckolding wasn't all that unusual. Many men have wives who slept with other men and that their marriages were stronger as a result. Her late husband was a cuckold and her son-in-law is, too. And there others, many others. Empowered women in the workforce and in society in general were likely to have men on the side. David came to see that my being attractive to other men as a compliment.

So Rob and I set up a date - he was to pick me up at our home the following Friday. I took off that day to get my hair, makeup, and nails done. Mom picked up David and took him home to do chores - I didn't want him involved with Rob. After Mom and David left I went into my bedroom to finish dressing. On my bed as a beautifully wrapped box. I unwrapped it to find a black club dress and lace top nylons with a note “have a great evening - David”

-Debbie