Tony

1. Who am I (name, sex, approx. age, where you live)

Tony

male, 64, Southeast US

2. My position in the relationship (submissive, dominant, or switch? If switch, do you favor one over the other?

submissive

3. What is your current marriage status and WLM/FLR situation (Married and in a WLM, not married and in a FLR, not married but seeking a FLR, etc.)? What is status of your WLM (Beginners, Mature, Somewhere in the middle)

 

I was married in a WLM until my wife passed away 5 months ago.

4.  When did you first discover your submissive/dominant desires?

15 years ago

5.  Describe how WLM/FLR was introduced into your relationship? Explain your experiences of how you went from discovering submission/domination up to the point of being in a WLM/FLR?

 

It was I that broached the subject after 5 years into our marriage.  But we had known each other 35 years by that point and best friends for 32.  My wife was a very capable person born during very patriarchal times and had to ‘swim upstream’ against the female bias.  She accomplished much in her life despite the headwinds she had to always deal with.  I, on the other hand, was always an alpha male and was willing to step aside to let her enjoy the role I was given as a birthright.  In 2005, I asked her to be my queen.  Without hesitation, she accepted and we began our slow journey into our WLM as we both needed to unlearn our own behaviors while learning each other’s.

6.  Describe your current WLM/FLR situation
    a.       Chores

It started out with me taking on the laundry and us splitting housecleaning approx. 50/50.  With a few years, all the chores became my responsibility except for cooking.  She was a great cook & wanted to keep it up.  Bu then, about 3 years ago, she passed that baton for preparing routine meals on to me and only cooked when she wanted to.

    b.       Finances/Money

By the end of our 2nd year of our WLM, I suggested she assume control of our finances.  While we were both very good at handling money, I was willing to cede control here.  Over the course of a year, our joint income continued to be deposited into our joint account, but my access was limited to using the debit card for grocery shopping.  Otherwise, I was not allowed to spend any of that money.  Instead, I received a $20-a-week allowance to spend as I wished.  Other than fueling our cars or buying cigarettes, I needed advance permission to use our any of credit cards.  She, on the other hand, did not need my permission on how our money was spent; though she did seek my opinion on larger expenditures.  My opinion wasn’t binding on her as final decision was always hers.  But she loved me enough ask my opinion and I don’t think she spent any major dollars unless I was in favor.  But she was free to spend money on clothes and other wants without ever asking for my opinion while I did not have that luxury.

    c.       Rules/Protocols

We didn’t have any established protocols and rules were not very detailed.  It was expected that she had control & authority over me.  I was to operate within that framework, and she could veto my choices when she felt I overstepped a line.  I didn’t need to regularly ask permission, so it took me a few years before I ‘learned’ what I was allowed and what I wasn’t.

    d.       Punishment and Discipline

This was not an area she was very comfortable with.  She did not want a parent-child relationship, so she would voice her disapproval & I was expected to honor her wishes.

    e.       Chastity/Orgasm Control

Early on, I needed her permission before I could orgasm.  In the bedroom, her pleasure always came before mine and my orgasm was always at the end of lovemaking.  In the beginning, she wasn’t comfortable with chastity & restricting my orgasms.  It took several years before she was comfortable with making love that ended without my orgasm.  Just before she was diagnosed with terminal cancer, she expressed a strong interest in learning about ruined orgasms and was considering the use of a chastity device on me.  Unfortunately, we never put those into action before she passed.

    f.        Rituals, Protocols, routines

We didn’t do much in this area other than there was a period of years where she would get a weekly 60-90 minute full-body massage followed by my giving her oral pleasure.  On these nights, there was no intercourse or any orgasm for me.

    g.       Fetishes or kinks

Nothing really here for us.  In the bedroom, she did not want to be the dominant one in bed.  

7.       How public is your WLM/FLR – do others know about it? How do you act in public?

Our WLM was never flaunted in front of others, but it was never really hidden either.  Family & friends knew by our actions that she was the lead spouse.  In public, we did not hide she was in charge, but we didn’t ‘advertise’ it either.

8.       Do you have kids in the house? If yes, what age group (infant, toddler, teenager, adult)

We had 2 teenagers in our home when our WLM started and they each recognized mom was in charge.

9.       Describe how the WLM/FLR works with kids in the house

Obviously, the sexual part of our WLM was not paraded in front of the children.  But, the outside-the-bedroom aspect was never hidden either.  The teenagers were her kids from a prior marriage; one a girl and 1 a boy.  My wife wanted her daughter raised to be self-sufficient & never be dependent on a man.

10.   What are some of challenges you face in your WLM/FLR?

 

I suppose the only challenge was the time it too to strengthen our WLM.  The unlearning of patriarchal

behaviors & having matriarchal ones seamlessly automatic in our daily lives took too long.  As I look back, I wish we had both considerably shortened the evolution of our WLM.

11.   What things do you like the most about your WLM/FLR?

I loved the fact that she had the chance to experience being the openly dominant one in our marriage before she left this world and I treasured having been her ‘traditional wife.’  Unfortunately, we didn’t get years and years of this together.  My only regret is that we were really just getting started with a very strong matriarchy when God took her.  

12.   How have things evolved or changed with you and as a couple in your WLM/FLR over time since starting the WLM/FLR? How does this compare to how you were prior to the WLM/FLR?

The evolution of our WLM was a gradual one as we both found our comfort zones before moving on with further matriarchal changes.  Prior to our WLM, we were fairly equal partners.  We rarely fought as this was my 2nd marriage & her 3rd and we found common ground so as not to repeat behaviors unhealthy to a great marriage.

13.   If there were one or two things you could change about your WLM/FLR or one or two things new you would like to try, what would they be?

 

I would have loved to elevate our WLM on a much shorter timeline so we could have experienced so much more of it.  We both enjoyed our respective roles, but it took longer than I liked to undo to imprint society put on us as youths.  We had so much ‘automatic’ patriarchal values to undo.  I’d even put these in the category of ‘had habits.’


14.   Do you have any advice for others who are starting out in a WLM/FLR?

Don’t worry about what others think.  Live the life you both want because you never know how long you’ll have each other.  WE are born into this world with nothing and leave with only our memories.  So, while it’s important & quite desirable to have a comfortable life, don’t sweat the small stuff.  Truly enjoy the time you have together and if you’re in a bad relationship, don’t stay there indefinitely.  Life is too short.  A WLM is not for every person…some women may be better suited as the submissive and some men as the dominant.  So, be true to who you are and not waste time being who you aren’t.

15.   Is there anything else you what like to share?