Joe D

Femdom Think Tank Profile Template

1. Who am I (name, sex, approx. age, where you live)
Joe
Male, 40's, PA

2. My position in the relationship (submissive, dominant, or switch? If switch, do you favor one over the other?

Submissive

3. What is your current marriage status and WLM/FLR situation (Married and in a WLM, not married and in a FLR, not married but seeking a FLR, etc.)? What is status of your WLM (Beginners, Mature, Somewhere in the middle)

In a mature WLM. We've been at it for about 20 years

4.  When did you first discover your submissive/dominant desires?

Even before puberty I day dreamed about being told what to do by girls and being captured by girls. As I grew older those feelings grew stronger. I did not really understand what these feeling meant until my mid 20's.

5.  Describe how WLM/FLR was introduced into your relationship? Explain your experiences of how you went from discovering submission/domination up to the point of being in a WLM/FLR?

After about 5 years of marriage, I confessed my feelings and desires to my wife. Prior to that I spent a lot of time on satisfying my submissive cravings through porn. I finally came to the realization that I would never be happy unless I got my wife involved. I also realized it was not fair to her that I was sneaking around 'getting off' on domination via porn. I was so scared to confess my desires to her but it felt good to finally bring it out in the open. Before confessing, I spent a few weeks going out of my way pampering and being extra nice to her. I wanted her to get a taste of what things could be like in hopes that it would sell her on the idea. Then I told her that I enjoyed treating her this way and wanted her to be in charge and take ownership of my orgasms. She knew something was 'up' with me from the way I was treating her but she liked it. Thankfully she was open to the idea and gave it a try. I shared a lot of WLM articles and bought her a book from Elise Sutton to help her understand what it was about and for her to learn how to do it. In the beginning it was more fantasy play and it was not 24/7. She would be dominant from time-to-time but not always. For the first few years I had to push her a lot to be dominant with me. I was doing a lot of topping from the bottom.  

There were many exciting times and many frustrating times as we tried to figure it out. My wife struggled a lot with being dominant with me and knowing what to do. I'd say it took almost 5 years before things started to really click with her. There was a time when she just stopped dominating me all together. It was depressing for me and I was pretty much ready to give up on WLM. Then after a few months she sat me down and told me she was not happy with my behavior. She was not sure why things stopped but she missed it. She told me she liked when I was submissive to her and she wanted to get things back on track. I was so thrilled to hear this. It was the first time she admitted liking it and the first time she took the initiative, without my prodding, to be in charge. That was a turning point in our relationship. About a year later we decided to formally declare (to each other) our marriage as a WLM.

6.  Describe your current WLM/FLR situation
    a.       Chores She cooks because she enjoys it. I do all the other chores and cleaning both inside and outside the house. I also put gas in her car, serve as her driver when I am not working, iron her clothes, and withdraw money from the bank for her. She handles most of the "kid" stuff such as school items and doctors appointments.

    b.       Finances/Money I am good with managing money so she lets me handle the money and pay the bills. However, she has the right to review and approve everything. I am given a weekly allowance to spend for myself. I must ask for permission to make large purchases or purchases outside of my spending limit.

    c.       Rules/Protocols Lots of rules.  A few include: must wear panties every day and sleep naked at night, can not sit in her chair, must always speak in a nice tone to her, must pick up after her, no orgasm without her permission, she is always on top during sex, I make her coffee every morning and whenever she wants a cup, must ask for permission to go out with friends, she has the final say in all decisions.

    d.       Punishment and Discipline If I knowingly disobey her or am lazy, she will punish me. She does not like spanking so usually she takes away privileges, such as not allowing me to go out with the guys. I also do corner time as a punishment and she will make me wear a special pair of 'punishment panties' to remind me to refocus my behavior. I will wear the same pair of punishment panties for several days (or weeks if really bad) until she feels I am properly refocused. I have to hand wash them each night and hang them to dry for the next day. 

    e.       Chastity/Orgasm Control She controls my orgasms. I do not have a chastity device so it is the honor system. I never know when she is going to allow an orgasm. It's usually 3 - 4 months between orgasms for me but sometimes she allows them after just a few weeks.

    f.        Rituals, Protocols, routines Sunday has turned into a day of complete focus on her. I have to wear a special pair of frilly panties on Sunday's to help me focus. I do most of my chores on Sunday's and get her spending money on Sundays. We have a nightly routine on Sunday where she reviews my behavior for the past week and sets the expectations for the next week. In preparation for the review, I have to shower and shave both my face and my balls. Then I will prepare a bath for her, including lighting candles and bringing her towel and robe into the bathroom. When she is ready, I will kneel next to the tub and shave her legs and bathe her. After her bath,  I will stand before her, hands behind my back, in nothing but the frilly panties. She will hold and stroke my cock while she reviews me. I enjoy these reviews and look forward to them. It's almost hypnotic for me. She may issue a punishment during the review but that's rare because I am well trained now and if I am disobedient, usually a punishment is issued at the time of my disobedience. What's more likely is that she will discipline me through corner time or by having me redo a task or chore that was not done up to her standards. For example, if I don't hang one of her shirts neatly on a hanger, then it will add 5 minutes to my corner time. I do a minimum of 20 minutes corner time each week to remind me of my place in the marriage and to help me focus on being good. While kneeling in the corner, I am to think about how I can best serve my wife during the week.  After my review, I worship my wife by giving her a full body massage and kissing her body as I massage it. Once complete, I kneel next to the bed and ask if she would like me to worship her more. If the answer is yes, that means she wants me to pleasure her. Usually I pleasure her orally while kneeling. I love doing this as it makes me feel super submissive. Sometimes she will allow me up on the bed and she will get on top of me and ride me to an orgasm, but I am not allowed an orgasm.  After I pleasure her, or if she does not want to be pleasured, I fetch her pajamas and help her put them on. Then she sends me to the corner. She reads in bed while I kneel in the corner. After corner time she goes to bed and I head down stairs to finish up my nightly chores. I have so many chores and things to do for my wife on Sunday's that it is hard for me to do anything else outside the house, but I absolutely love Sundays and look forward to my day of complete servitude and worship.

    g.       Fetishes or kinks  "forced" femination but my wife has never gone past forcing me to wear panties. Sometimes she refers to me as girl. I love to be treated like her sex toy and to be used solely for her pleasure with no regard to my pleasure. I get an erotic rush when she is rough with me during oral sex and when she orgasms and denies me orgasm.


7.       How public is your WLM/FLR – do others know about it? How do you act in public?

We are not openly public about our WLM but so much of it is natural to us that people know that my wife is the one who calls the shots.. 

8.       Do you have kids in the house? If yes, what age group (infant, toddler, teenager, adult)

Yes, Teenagers

9.       Describe how the WLM/FLR works with kids in the house

Our WLM started prior to the kids being born. Therefore, our kids grew up in a house where mom called the shots and Dad did all the chores. It's perfectly normal for them to see Dad clean the bathroom and do the laundry. They have seen me reprimanded by my wife, but usually my wife does this in private. Generally the more extreme domination such as punishments and strict control, we keep behind close doors. We've not formally said anything to our kids or others about the type of relationship we have (at least I have not. I am not sure if my wife has). 

10.   What are some of challenges you face in your WLM/FLR?

As Mz Kaylee has said in her posts, submission is a craving for men, and that is so true for me. I want to feel controlled really bad but the need to control is not a craving for my wife. I absolutely love serving her and it's challenging to have all my submissive cravings quenched. It's also tough to find intimate time with teenagers around, especially during the pandemic.

11.   What things do you like the most about your WLM/FLR?

WWe are so in tune with each other and so much in love. Been married for over 20 years and it feels like we are newlyweds. The WLM most definitely is the reason for this. Our communication is so much better. We never have arguments. Although orgasms are infrequent for me, my sex life is off the charts. I love it when my wife is tough with me and turns on her domination. It's such a thrill! I feel like I am living a fantasy life.

12.   How have things evolved or changed with you and as a couple in your WLM/FLR over time since starting the WLM/FLR? How does this compare to how you were prior to the WLM/FLR?

Our WLM has evolved slowly over many years. Once things clicked with my wife, it seemed like she would add new rules and chores every few months. She is good at transitioning me into new things. For example, with laundry she first had me fold and put clothes away. Then overtime she had me do one or two loads of wash a week and then eventually I was 100% responsible for laundry. She does this with lots of things. Early in our WLM, she had me wear panties just a few times when we were having sexual fun. Then she had me start wearing them one day a week and on special occasions. Next it turned into me changing into them every night and then before you know it, my boy underwear was gone and I was wearing panties all day, every day. This all happened over the course of a few years so it was a slow and gradual transition into wearing panties all of the time. I like how she doe this. It's fun being slowly molded or trained into her slave. Just recently she reprimanded me for not being attentive enough to her during a party. She has never done this before. She typically relaxes her control when we are in public. However, now I wondering whether or not this is her next area of training for me. Is she going start exerting more control when in public and adding rules or protocols for how I must behave when in public with her.?

Things that are different now versus before the WLM: she is more confident as a person and more comfortable in her role as a dominant; she relaxes a lot more and does very few chores, she has final say in all decisions, My attitude and demeanor are much different now in that I rarely speak with a negative or argumentative tone and my natural instinct is to seek permission from her for just about every thing. When friends are making plans with us, I always defer to her. In fact, some friends have picked up on this and will text her directly without including me. Some of my guy friends even joke that they know I need to check with my wife before committing to something. Another change is that I obey her without question or argument. If she tells me to do something I do it immediately. This is all natural behavior to me now whereas early in our WLM, it took effort and focus for me to behave this way. It is amazing to me at how much we have both changed since starting our WLM. In the beginning it was more fantasy and it took conscious effort for us to be dominant/submissive. Now it integrated into our daily life and just happens naturally. It is wonderful and I feel like I am living a fantasy every day.

13.   If there were one or two things you could change about your WLM/FLR or one or two things new you would like to try, what would they be?

It would be great if my wife were even more strict and controlling. I also wish she would delve into kinky things more such as going deeper into feminization or trying strap-on play. I'd want to do these things more as fantasy play and not permanent. Overall, I am very happy with how things are going and am thankful that my wife already does some kinky stuff but if I had a magic wand, those would be things I'd change.

14.   Do you have any advice for others who are starting out in a WLM/FLR?

When you both embrace it fully, your relationship will grow in ways you never imagined. It takes a lot of work, experimenting, learning, and commitment to start a WLM but once you begin to understand the dynamics and find the right balance, it is thrilling and life changing. Don't get discouraged if you find that you've gotten out of the WLM routine. It happens to most people. It is super easy to jump right back into it. Lastly, have fun with each other.  If you are both not enjoying it, then something needs to change.


15.   Is there anything else you what like to share?

Don't try to understand it. Just do it! When you dive in and commit to the WLM dynamic it is exciting and fulfilling. There are many things about WLM that you will never understand until you actually experience it. 

Ju