It has been several weeks since I assigned full laundry duty to Thomas. Laundry is the last of the "big" chores that I was still doing. I say "big" because of the time commitment involved with keeping up with laundry in a house of 4 people. I have to admit I was concerned about putting too much work on him but it has all worked out well. He had a few slips ups in the beginning but now he is in a good routine and I have not had to help at all for the last few weeks. What is fascinating to me is that he seems happy and proud of taking on this responsibility. If this scenario played out in a traditional marriage, it's almost certain the husband would complain about doing all the chores and he would probably slack off on the chores. It's actually hard to imagine that it's even a possibility in a traditional marriage. Prior to entering into a FLR, the possibility of my husband happily doing all the house chores for me, was not even a thought. Here we are many, many years later and it is our reality and it is going great. It works well in a FLR.
There is certainly no complaints from me. It is heaven for me not to have to worry about cleaning the bathroom, ironing, vacuuming, and doing laundry. I'm guessing just about every women reading this would agree that is a wonderful thing. The part that is hard to understand is how my husband happily does all the chores. I will do my best to explain the "how" or "why" of it all. My explanation is based on things my husband has shared with me as well as my observations and things I've read in the past from others in a FLR.
From what I gather there are three key factors at play which create this unusual dynamic. The first is his desire to serve and please me. That comes from his submissive nature. The more that he serves me, works for me, and can treat me like a Goddess or Queen, the more it makes him happy and even excited. Yes, it arouses him to work hard for me and serve me! That is something I can not explain. It is the submissive part of him that gets excited at being a servant to me. His primary motivator for doing the chores is to please me. Having a clean house is just an extra benefit.
The second factor is having clear expectations and structure. He has clearly defined expectations of what needs to be done and when. It is a tall list of expectations and tasks. The only way for him to stay on top of it all is to have a regular routine. From morning to night, he's got a regular routine of tasks that he does every day. Even on the weekends he follows a routine to get the needed things done. This structure keeps him productive and happy. He's busy and has a lot to do but it's not stressful (most of the time) because he knows what to do. When you think about it, this makes sense. People tend to be happy and less stressed when you take away uncertainty and they are doing productive things. Not everyone likes a structured environment but my sense is that most submissive men are happiest in this type of environment when it's created by their wife.
The last factor comes from me. I tap into his sexual needs and desires to motivate him to serve me and to reward him for his obedience. I do this through the many tools I've wrote about in my past posts, including orgasm control, lots of teasing, and embracing his submissive tendencies (e.g. exerting control over him, putting him in panties, queening him, etc.). With the extra time I gained from delegating laundry duty, I've been able to increase my focus on these motivators and it has been a great win-win situation for us. He absolutely loves all the additional teasing and attention from me and I benefit from having a clean house and chores done without doing any of the work. I am living the life of a Goddess and Queen and it is fabulous. In one of my past posts I wrote about how in a FLR, the wife should take the perspective of managing her husband versus doing things herself. It is a big change from a traditional marriage and not always an easy step to take. For many years in my FLR, I only half did this and it was a bit stressful for me. Once I fully embraced the concept and focused on managing Thomas through regularly assigning tasks, setting expectations, motivating him, providing feedback on his performance, discipline, punishment, and rewards, it made things much easier and enjoyable for me and much more exciting for him.
All three factors are needed to make it work. If there is no desire from the husband to please and serve the wife, then it's obviously not going to work. If there is desire from the husband but there are no clear expectations and structure then it creates confusion and stress. It can even lead to depression like feelings in the husband as he can not fulfill his desires. Lastly, if the wife chose to delegate chores to the husband and spent all her extra time doing things for herself and not pay attention to him, at some point the husband will feel like he is being taken advantage of and will lose the desire to please. It is important for the wife to frequently do things to motivate and reward the husband, as well as express her appreciation for his obedience.
Please share your thoughts or real life experiences on this topic.
-Kaylee
Your second point, about structure and his knowing what to expect, help make the difference in his performance. In too many marriages the woman hesitates to direct the show. For the longest time, my wife could not bring herself to "order" me around, hoping that I would see that we needed that. Suspecting that the his help would make a difference is not enough. The man feels much more comfortable knowing what he needs to do for the partnership.
ReplyDeleteThis was such a great post and so on-point psychologically. Being ordered to complete tasks, given feedback and held accountable with real consequences is highly stimulating and motivating to the submissive man.
ReplyDeleteslave robert
I love the crisp, sharp, commands from a woman who gives no slack.
DeleteThat way I already know she means.. MOVE NOW!! Even better is the finger snap, followed with the index finger pointing.
Mistress Kaylee — Crisp, clear, concise statement of how and why Femdom Reality works. Thank you so much! You have hit the bulls eye! A home run! If possible, this Manifesto needs to be printed and distributed. Not sure how to do that, but You have got it! Thank you, thank you, thank you!! Will read and re-read. Please, do not stop sharing Your Gift and Knowledge!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this. Our marriage has involved elements of dominance and submission in sexual areas almost since the beginning, but the transition toward exchanging household roles is much more recent for us. Over the last couple years I've moved into doing around 80% of the kitchen and laundry work, and around half the other cleaning. This is a huge change from having a full-time housewife of my own. Now that my wife is working, it feels less like sexual play and more similar to a FLR in the sense intended by blogs like this one.
ReplyDeleteI agree with your assessment of the psychological dynamics as well. I hate washing the dishes, but there's something about being ordered to do an unpleasant duty by my wife that makes it "wrap around" from being miserable to being sexually exciting. The fact that I hate something so much and yet I'm constantly being commanded to do it (and find myself obeying!) is an incredibly intense experience.
It's funny how there's such a huge psychological distinction between being nagged into doing things and being forcefully directed. A nagging woman isn't sexually appealing at all. Nagging is done from a position of weakness and annoyance, which are not positive character traits. A demanding wife -- constantly demonstrating her power and her confident expectations of gratification -- is incredibly sexy! Too many women don't understand this at all, and feel that nagging is somehow gentler than the harshness of making demands. When a wife realized how much more power she can acquire by making confident and assertive requests instead of pestering and whining about how her husband is lazy, it's like seeing a light bulb turn on. Everything changes permanently for the better.
Yes, exactly evanho! That's how I perceive it too. When I get home I appreciate my Wife's directions and commands. I don't enjoy doing everything She tells me to (and She still does plenty oh housework too, it wouldn't work otherwise due to the demands of our respective jobs), but I just obey, and Her firmness is simply arousing. However, there are many regular personal services that I do for Her that I find erotic on their own and I do them gladly. Like cleaning Her shoes, anything involving Her feet or other parts of Her body, hand washing Her delicate lingerie, even toilet cleaning after She has used it. And above all, I enjoy being sexually owned and used for Her pleasure.
DeleteI like both these replies. I am just beginning the FLR journey and I have tried to start the transition to exchanging household roles however she still wants to do many household duties but I am trying to gently relief her of them. I have started to make sure I am up before her, have her coffee and ipad ready for her in the morning, that I make the bed, do the dishes etc. So far she has not ordered me to do those things she just expects that. I am trying to do more but dont want to push it too much so taking it slowly. Sexually she is the dominant one in the bedroom and we have sex only when she wants and how she wants it and her needs always come first. Thanks for this blog it has really helped me.
DeleteThe beauty of FLR is that it makes the boring tasks and chores fun and exciting. There is purpose and meaning to doing chores "for her". For this to happen, the guy has to buy-into the FLR concept. It can not be forced. It is a paradigm change in how you approach your relationship with your wife/significant other. Sometime simply changing your perspective on things makes a world of a difference.
DeleteVery insightful. Sometimes the obvious only becomes obvious after discovery.
ReplyDeleteThanks guys for validating my thoughts. It is great to see several comments supporting the post. This is so helpful for women to understand. As some of you alluded to, it is usually a progression and not something that happens immediately. If I dumped all the chores on my husband on day 1, I think he would have burned out and felt taken advantage of. However, increasing his responsibilities over time gives him the chance to adjust to the increased work and not feel overwhelmed. I also think it's more fun to do these things over time.
ReplyDeleteI would agree in general with all of the sentiment of this post and the commenters. I think the key for the ladies is what you said about changing over her mindset to managing her husband and understanding the subtleties (and not so subtle actions at times, on her part) that drive him. Once this is understood and acted on the wife really has all of the power, which is what he wants. This is counterintuitive for most women I think.
DeleteAll that said, I think that is very difficult for most women to understand. Moreover, it takes a woman to not only understand it all, but have the self confidence and the desire to be the Queen and absolute HOH. It would seem that rarely happens, which makes your blog so special because you map all of this out for the women who are interested. They don't have to reinvent the wheel. The bottom line is if your husband is submissive as defined by this blog, just follow Mz. Kaylee's advice given throughout this blog and let the magic happen!
KL
This is spot on and also all the replies as well . My wife lets me do some things and a few personal things for her . She holds back on housework because she says I have a lot to do around the house and with other work I have . She is a highly intelligent woman but I don't think she has grasped these principles completely yet I will forward this to her . This is really helpful to everyone involved . I will say its totally therapeutic for me to be able to serve her .
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteMz Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteI have been in a long time FLR with my wife and the domestic aspect truly is the part that continues to draw us together. It amazes me that somehow, being ordered to do something by my wife in a CURT tone to do something, or to "get to work on XXX NOW!" still causes me get excited. Sometimes the worse, or more mundane the task is, then more I enjoy the service aspect.
To that end I was wondering if you ever make your husbands tasks, worse, ruin his work or make him repeat it. Much as above I think the CURT or bossy aspect is what sets this off. For instance my wife has walked all over a floor that I have freshly cleaned in her muddy shoes, or she will have me redo the dishes because of apparent smudge that doesn't exist.
Finding fault, ruining my work, or having me redo tasks is one of those things that cements our bond. If anyone one but my Goddess were to do this too me, I would likely tell them what they "can do".
Have you experienced this with you husband / slave?
I think the thing that has taken me a long time to really understand is that submissive men can find it erotic to do work and chores for a dominant female. I still do not totally get it. I think somehow if the woman "connects the submissive male brain" and links work and chores to eroticism that quite literally doing work becomes exciting for the submissive. I also have sensed that the more structured the chore demands are the more (somehow) exciting/relieving it can be for them (at least in my husbands case). I do not really know but my sense is that it can feel relaxing to him to not have responsibility for making decisions and he can feel some relief in letting me direct him which I am quite happy to do! If it was a tangle or my direction did not intersect well with him (which I guess would mean he was not a submissive) this would not work.
ReplyDelete-Mary
I must admit that I don't find mundane chores erotic (doing dishes, laundry, etc.), but I do them when required. Eroticism comes from being ordered to do them or from doing them naked or with a big buttplug making it a challenge.
ReplyDeletePersonal services to my Wife are a very different beast. I still get a hard on and precum starts dripping from them. Cleaning Her shoes, hand washing Her lingerie and stockings, doing Her feet (washing them, pedicure, clipping toenails,...), shaving Her armpits, shopping for Her (lingerie, jewelry, tampons,...), even cleaning the toilet immediately after Her use.
And yes, structure and direction is very important for me. When I get home I feel comfortable to obey Her. She owns me sexually and She knows how to use this power.
Mz Kaylee, I was hoping you could update us on how Thomas is doing with his chores? How clean is he required to keep your house and how strict are you in terms of how promptly and well he should complete them? Thank you for this blog.
ReplyDeleteHow does this look when your children are around, because prior Practicing FLR my wife typically cooked and handled the house hold chores. She’s concerned on how it will look to the kids especially our boys when she typically has been the one to do the household chores. Not to mention the fact that she still struggles to have to watch me do the things she usually does.
ReplyDeleteAll of the housework is now mine to do, but is always to be done to my wife's rigorous high standard. She only praises my obedience to her; she absolutely never praises a well done job. This is because she expects the work done by me, to be on time, and completed properly, so there is nothing I deserve any praise for. The only attention I receive is punishment when things are at all below her standard.
ReplyDeleteI can't explain it either, i get really excited when i can check off my chore list. i post it on the fridge every morning and check things off as they are done it makes me feel good to complete everything but that rarely happens, maybe i need a smaller list. Sometimes she'll remind me to get something done but most of the time i just do it, the relaxed look or smile on her face lets me know im doing ok. i think its the control over me that gets me excited. if i hear her in the other room complaining about something i rush to her to find out what i did wrong then she walks out and i get right to it thinking i have failed her it makes me feel real bad.
ReplyDeletejerry