Sunday, August 7, 2022

This and That #2 (Guest Post by AJ)

Cruel and unusual? ...

As of writing this, he's currently at 147 days since I let him have his last full blown orgasm, so you might have me at “unusual”, especially if you are more of the vanilla mindset. But cruel ?…. I’ll let you be the judge after presenting my case.

Judging by what “I” am reading within the lines and between the lines from his daily journal entries he is in a state of marital nirvana. His mind is in the mental mush land where he enjoys it to be. Every added day of sustained mush is like adding another 1000 slow teasing caresses on his cock with my silky mouth and lips. I think I can best describe his denial as a form of Chinese water torture, but of a very pleasant variety. What's going on in his mind is way way better than what could potentially be going on physically between his legs for those occasional 2 minute sprints if he was still living life as a normal vanilla man and just having his orgasms when ever he felt like it. From witnessing his generally enthusiastic and content everyday behavior in and around the house I have to believe he is no worse for the wear. If he was living some sort of miserable existence, I doubt that it wouldn’t bleed over to all aspects of life both in the bedroom and out of it. You can’t disguise happiness.

From seeing that all important telltale drip coming from his caged cock almost on a nightly basis as he feasts upon my temple of love, I know that he is 1000% enjoying that bucking bronco which is his chastity, orgasm denial, and edging ride. Believe me, as he licks, sucks and caresses my body he is not just going through some sort of expected obligatory motions. He is into it with every fiber of his mind and body. He looks forward every night to the gymnastics which go on in our bed, and his penis never see’s a single lick of attention by and large when that occurs. He is energized!

Ok I think that I would say I can rest my case for him, but what about me? What am I, his loving wife, getting in return for my energy and efforts expended with this… What do I get in return for all of the “lost cock”?  It takes energy and continued creativity on my part to keep his mind in mush land.

As already mentioned, I have a very happy husband. If he’s happy and content that’s a large part of what also makes me feel content and our marriage smooth. As  already mentioned, I have one well tended garden. Enough said.

Additionally, I know from the smile on my own face, having that wonderful freedom of to do as little housework or as much household chores as I choose to do or not do,  is a supreme gift from him to me. Sex is always wonderful, but having him step up to the plate so selflessly and enthusiastically on the domestic side is indeed a treasured gift to me. Honestly, what's not to love as a woman with this situation? I am the pampered sovereign Queen of my Kingdom.

I speak a lot of “his” mind mush with this whole topic. But I also experience my own versions of the same sort of mush. This has really been a development over time for me. It took some time in the lifestyle for this to come to pass and for me to admit to it. When I see him in his teased and tormented bliss, I achieve a huge degree of satisfaction in placing him there. I know that its my confident and determined driving of the marriage which is getting him to that state. There’s always a certain joy in work well done. A certain naughty side of me has surfaced as a direct result of our lifestyle. Its become erotic, its at times wicked, and its certainly sensual many times. It makes me physically wet to tease him to death. There is even a certain level of excitement and eroticism that I feel when I discipline him. Draping a man over your lap and whipping his naked backside with a belt can be strangely satisfying and stimulating.  I can honestly tell you that these are not feelings I experienced previous to our FLR lifestyle but they have become enjoyable elements for me as this has progressed. My mind gets a bit mushy with all of this as well and I think I have developed my own sort of physical and mental need for it. There, I have said it and its on record! I am one truly satisfied and happy wife in all aspects of that definition, and he really is one extremely lucky cowboy to have a bunk on my ranch house! All it took was for me to learn how and when to apply my spurs and to get over my initial fears of digging them in too deep.

The future of his orgasm…

So far he’s only had one of his three guaranteed full blown orgasms this year (our verbal contract so to speak). I think I'm going to save the remainder of his orgasms for his Christmas present. I want us both to experience what the longer haul of denial will bring from him.  He’s holding up well, and I think he has it in him to go a longer distance. We’ve done plenty of half marathons with this so far and I think my little stud is trained and ready for going to his next level. So he's got some time ahead of him yet before he gets to  escape  from Alcatraz (with the nice Wardens help). I think were both up for the challenge and its good to push the boundaries a bit. Asides from all of the positive chemical and physical mojo type stuff being developed by his continued chastity, denial and edging, I think he is also attaching a sort of air of pride in himself for being able to continue his streak. He's really learning through living that while he has given up his physical orgasm up to me, to a large extent for our relationship, he is in return experiencing and feeling so much more by having done that. It a very large net positive for him (and *Me*) and not the opposite. Unless you are a couple actively practicing within this sort of activity (especially long term!!!), its difficult really to visualize this dynamic well, but it really does work if you can make it past those those early teething pains when your playing and experimenting with this life. It has to go through a developing and nurturing  phase where you both learn what works and how (and if). Suddenly when your not looking and are of an open enough mindset to accept it, your own marital nirvana can be right there for the both of you.

His chastity device…

Taking into account some of the past comments made from my chastity device blog post a while back, we've also experimented with a new plastic device for him. We've purchased a Cherry Keeper Short Headlock device for him. That was about 2 months ago. So far we are really liking it as the new alternate plastic device to his gold standard device which is the metal Rigid Half Shell. For kink heightening reasons, that's still our favorite device because of the PA locking device which it incorporates. We had discussed this as equals since it is a physical alteration to his body, and then had him pierced just so we could experience the full benefits of the locking device. We know that's its physically impossible for him to cheat from his lockup with that device since pullout from the back of the device is not possible while it is locked. He can still sneak an  orgasm if he really wanted to, but that's another already covered story and its not going to happen at this point in his submission to my authority. Asides for the anti pullout aspect, we also like the look and heft of a metal device the best, it just conveys an overall attitude of permanence and reality to us both. So that is a real turn on to us both to put it lightly. 

But having said that…  I like to occasionally mix it up for us by having him go to plastic sometimes. There are several good reasons for us to occasionally do that. Its a slightly different look and feel for him when he wears the Cherry Keeper on his cock, and sometimes that comes in handy when he develops those occasional slight irritations on his penis from wearing the Rigid device long term. Switching him temporarily to plastic and to a different device,  allows him to heal up without ruining his chastity cycle by having to go cage free. Also, there are some occasional unique instances which come up where having him wear plastic instead of metal is beneficial, such as airport screenings, potential public event screenings, certain clothing attire etc. One of the biggest reasons probably is that we like to switch him out about once a week for an entire day while we deep clean his Rigid device with my ultrasonic jewellery cleaner. The cleaner doesn’t actually take that long, but throw in some more detailed grooming activity now that his junk has become fully accessible to us both, a long soak in the tub for him, and just to add in healthy allowance for airing him out in a different style of device within a closely supervised environment, it’s then a full day in the Cherry Keeper before I put him back to where we really like to see him. So net effect is that he’s in his Rigid on average 6 days of the week and then in his Cherry Keeper on Sundays, typically speaking.

When he does wear the new Cherry Keeper, he does find that it's very comfortable on him. He had to do some light sanding of it when we first got it to make it that way. Its a 3D printed device so its not totally smooth out of the box when you do get it. We both really like how the head locker portion of this new cage keeps his cock head tightly pressed into the end of the cage and that it also keeps his cock tip in great continuous alignment with the pee opening of the cage. Its a very nice design feature. I don’t know why, but I also kinda find it very hot how his cock head just sort of snaps in there and  clicks into place with the new device. One of our negatives with the Holy Trainer Nub device, our former go to plastic device, was the occasional difficulty he experienced with keeping his pee slit lined up in the rather small end opening of that device - it tended to want to wander off just a tiny bit at times from having that natural alignment. If he didn't take time to adjust himself and/or didn't notice that happening prior to peeing, it would result in him kind of spraying himself down from inside the cage as his stream hit the inside of the plastic. So from a hygiene standpoint it was a bit needy at times. Not a huge deal for me since the cleanup was all my husbands end to take care of, but it did lend to occasional situations where it looked like he had peed himself. A bit embarrassing for him when out in public, and a potential odor issue for us both if he couldn't clean himself up right away. We do not have this issue with the Cherry Keeper, so its a big improvement there and in general, we see it as a measurable improvement over the Nub. The cage opening is considerably larger on the peeing end then the Nub since its more of an open device design and not a closed device design, so we no longer run into this issue which  in hindsight, is rather a large plus. 

With chastity cages your always in a sort of that  perpetual search for the next better mousetrap, and the Cherry Keeper answered our call. We both continue to enjoy his extended wear of locking devices and feel that it greatly heightens both of our states of mutual arousal and definitely one ups our FLR game so to speak. I know its not everyone's thing or need to be locked up, but for this couple, we continue to love the physical and mental effects my husband experiences while wearing a device long term. His PA piercing in particular really brings chastity wear to a completely higher level of kink for us both. I would highly recommend this at least as a 2nd or 3’d look consideration for other couples, perhaps those who are more advanced in this lifestyle choice as we are. Worth an experiment?

Romance and Keeping it fresh.....

A few weeks ago it was my birthday, and my very wonderful husband surprised me with a long weekend getaway trip to the windy city, Chicago. We took Amtrak there and back as we live close enough to one of those rail hubs to do that. I always have loved riding the train, I find it very romantic and somewhat mysterious and nostalgic - I really enjoy it.  Plus no driving and parking especially in a crazy city like Chicago (we're small city folks so were not used to the cramped and busy traffic). Everything we were interested in was a rather a short cab drive away in all directions, so it worked out well for us. BTW, for this trip we used his Cherry Keeper exclusively just to give it an extended test drive and to change things up a bit more. We also weren't quite sure what to expect in terms of the various security screening protocols we might hit at some of the venues we had planned for the trip, so we decided to be safe and not gamble with the metal device and potentially  cause him some embarrassment.  This turned out to be unnecessary also BTW and we didn't run into anything like that, we just weren't real sure what to expect as it had been a while since we had been out and about this way in the big city. (We are oh so small city :).  

On this trip we splurged a bit further and booked a two night stay at one of the nicer more scenic hotels overlooking the Navy Pier area. We are usually pretty frugal with our finances in this regard, so this entire trip was a bit of a special exception for us. But we viewed it as a nice investment in our relationship. We enjoyed a lake view room up on the 22nd floor of the hotel. With the room drapes open it was a magical view out over the lakefront area. I packed a few extra things in my case for this special trip and we both had an extremely fun time. The first day/night I had him give me a full pamper up session in our room before we headed out on the town. He gave me a very nice pedicure and then polished my nails. I love it when he touches and pampers my feet this way. We followed that up by then having him sensually shave my pussy and backside extra smooth up on the large bed. After an appropriate amount of lotion was applied and massaged into my freshly shaved areas, we were ready to hit the city. We took a cab over to the downtown city area, did some touristy walking around, shopping and people gazing and then we had a romantic early dinner at a restaurant where we had a made a reservation at.  Eventually we ended up at Navy Pier for the sights and sounds there. We had a fun ride on their huge lakefront Ferris wheel and then had an scenic excursion on one of their lake boats that we had booked for the occasion earlier. Neither one of us is typically into noise and crowds, but occasionally its a  nice experience, especially when you know its just for a short planned period of time. Navy Pier, the lake, and downtown Chicago was tons of fun.  

Also on this outing …..I wore my nice light mid calf sun dress and sandals (hey I had to show off my fresh pedi) *and* I forgot to wear my panties...... It was a liberating and extremely sensual experience for us both. There’s something extremely wicked and sensuous when you feel the outside air wisping around your mostly bare privates when all that’s covering it is some loose cotton material.  I didn’t let my husband know this until we were already in the cab and on our way to the city. His jaw literally dropped when he found out.  He then was a complete nervous wreck with my "almost nakedness" and was all over himself making sure I was not showing and protected from exposure :). Every time their was a slight gust of wind, he went into a bit of a protective panic. It was cute and fun to see him that way. The whole time out he was just thinking about my cleanly shaved pussy and everything else that goes along with that. It’s a good thing he is kept locked up or he would have also had to worry about himself tenting up in his khaki pants. 

When we both eventually returned to our hotel room much later that night, we were both in quite an aroused state (to put it very mildly)! It of course was dark when we returned and I opened up the large room blinds completely and we both frantically shed out of our clothes. I  had switched the lights off after our getting settled into the room. I then spread myself down naked and extremely wet and horny on the bedspread. We then had sex in our usual way with his head and tongue between my spread open legs. I literally grabbed him by the hair on top of his head and shoved him in there!  I enjoyed three very huge orgasms and just couldn't quite honestly take any more. I was worried I was getting a tad noisy.... After riding my elevator down for a bit, I flipped the tables a bit and gave my husband a nice surprise in return. I had packed my strap-on and favorite dildo for him. With the window shades still fully open and us still in full view of the night sky, I gave his cute little butt the pounding of his life. He then was the one who was worried that he was making too much noise.... 

It was a very very sexy and extremely liberating day and night. I'm still hot just thinking about the whole trip. As a side note, I know this sounds a bit risque and all, but it was very dark and I'm sure that no one really was able to see anything. It was just the illusion of being fully exposed which made it very romantic and off the charts sexy for us both. The remaining nights stay was also fun, adventurous, and full of sex but we dialed it down slightly on that final night. We made the most of our money spent and the locale that we had picked. It would have been very hard to top that first night. We spent some considerable cash which we normally would not have spent - it was like 6 years prior when we had last made a similar trip, and the kids were along for that one - so it wasn't quite the same then, It made for a very nice memory and a wonderful birthday present, well worth the money we spent.


Wednesday, August 3, 2022

Blog Reminders

Guest Posts: You are welcome and encouraged to submit guest posts on topics related to wife led marriage, female led relationships, and female domination in general.  Please make sure your posts are thoughtfully written and spell checked before submitting. Posts can be sent to Include a Title with your post and how you want your name to appear.  

Profile Page: I encourage you to complete a profile page, which is a Q&A template about you. Profile pages are in the margin on the right side of the blog. The template is at the top of the list. Simply fill it out and e-mail to I also suggest that you read the existing profiles. There is 
a lot of great information and advice in the profiles.  

Erotic stories are also located on the right side of the blog. Feel free to submit a story. I do not edit stories. They are published "as is" so make sure you edit and spell check before you send them. Send your stories to  

Comments: Please comment on posts and share your thoughts and experiences. That's how we all learn. It is so important and helpful to hear other peoples experiences and opinions. If you have similar experiences to what has been posted, please share as it validates to others that FLR/WLM is real. On the flip side, I do not expect everyone to agree with me or what others post and I want to hear if you have different thoughts. I enjoy hearing different opinions and I often learn from them. I only require that everyone express their opinions and disagreements in a polite and courteous manner so that we can have meaningful discussions. I also encourage you to respond to other readers comments. It is fantastic when there are multiple dialogues going on in the comments section.  


-Mz Kaylee 

Monday, August 1, 2022

Follow-up on Taking Ownership in the Bedroom

Once again, I am pleased and impressed with the level of engagement from the followers of this blog. I've enjoyed reading all of the comments from the last post. Your feedback has been helpful in formulating my plan for taking ownership of the master bedroom in my house.

For the door signal, I  think I'll go with a scrunchie or rubber band on the door knob. If it is on the doorknob, he must stay out and sleep in the guest bedroom. It's subtle and easy to implement. I like the idea of locking the door but I have a dog that sleeps in the room and he will often come and go in the room during the night so keeping the door closed at night would not work in my situation.

I appreciate the comment that my slave husband should have some space of his own to display items and pictures that are meaningful to him. I will allow a small space in my bedroom for him to display such things. However, it needs to be neat and clutter-free and anything displayed will require my approval. I chose to have it my bedroom because I do not want the guest bedroom to have any personalization by him or to look like it is his room. Part of the reason for this is to reinforce his submission through restriction of what he can do, and part of the reason is to make this change less noticeable to the kids or guests that may wander into the bedroom.  I also like the idea of putting an item of mine in the room. I can have my things displayed in the guest room but he can not. This is a fun way to remind him that I get to do what I want but he must follow my rules and ask for permission to do things. I've not decided yet what I will display or store in the room, but I will think about it. I may even leave different things in the room on a temporary basis. For example if I go shopping, I may leave my purchases in the guest room until I put them away. 

I may also create some guidelines in which he has permission to enter the bedroom without asking me, such as if I leave for work and he needs to make the bed or if I am not home during the time in which he is supposed to clean my room. However, I will make sure these times will be kept to a minimum. I may require him to text me for permission or to notify me that he is entering the room. These guidelines will likely evolve over time as I see how things go with the change.

I want to emphasize that I am not implementing this to keep Thomas out of the bedroom. He will still sleep in the bedroom at night with me, he will still spend time in the bedroom with me for our typical routines such as ironing my clothes, giving me massages, doing his reviews/discipline sessions, and of course pleasuring me. He will make my bed every morning and will vacuum and dust my room when he does his chores. The amount of time he spends in my room will not significantly change. What is changing is that he must ask permission to enter it or be invited in by me, he may not keep his clothes and other items in my room, and he must follow my rules when he enters. If I am in the room and he wants to enter to ask me a question or to just hang out with me, In most cases I will not deny him entry but it will be fun for us that he will need to ask permission to enter and that he will need to strip naked to enter. I can assure you that these new rules will excite him and that he will have an erection every time he enters the room. The primary purpose for this new change is to add another layer of control and domination to our WLM through restriction of his rights and privileges in the WLM. 

Our WLM is mature, and while many of the things we do may sound extreme to others, they are just part of our every day life. Believe it or not, even a femdom relationship can get stale. To keep things spicy and fun and to keep his submission strong, new levels of control are often needed. This new control that I will be implementing will make him feel even more submissive and beneath me. It will spark excitement and obedience in him. This is what he craves. I will of course also benefits from taking ownership of the bedroom, for all the reasons mentioned in the previous post. The change will hit his submissive nerve, while also benefiting me. Rules and actions in a WLM are more likely to be sustainable over the long-term when they achieve those two results.

Thanks again for your input and it is not too late to share more thoughts and ideas. The kids are sill home from college so it will be several weeks before I make the change.

-Mz Kaylee

Monday, July 18, 2022

Taking Ownership of the Bedroom

In the comments section of the "Submissive Refresh" post there are several comments about bedroom control. Some of you have shared in the past that you/your husband have been required to sleep in a separate bedroom either permanently or on a temporarily basis. There are times where I have made Thomas sleep in the guest bedroom on a temporary basis because I need a good night's sleep or as a punishment. Usually it is just a day or two, and it has not lasted longer than a week. I do not want it to be a permanent thing because I do enjoy sharing the bed with him. He is my husband after all. However, I love the idea of making the master bedroom my bedroom. I've been thinking about the idea and am planning on making it happen.

There seems to be interest in this topic so I thought it would be fun for me to share my thoughts and ideas on what I am thinking about doing and get your input. If you've already done something like this, please share your experiences and ideas, If you have not done it, read along and share ideas on some of the questions I ask below.

Technically the bedroom is already is mine. When he confessed his submission to me, and agreed (or rather pleaded) to a formal WLM, he voluntary gave up his rights to ownership of these things, but there is a big difference in agreeing to it versus me taking action to deny his privileges. So what does taking ownership of the bedroom mean and why would I do it?

My idea of taking ownership of the bedroom is that the master bedroom is 100% mine to do with as I please and hubby is not permitted into the bedroom without my permission. It also means that none of his clothes and possession are permitted in the room. I will allow him to sleep in the bedroom but it is not a right for him. At anytime I may take away the right. I am usually in the bedroom before he is at night so I've thought about putting something on the door knob that would indicate whether or not he is permitted to enter. No permission means he must sleep in the guest bedroom. What do you think - any suggestions for what I can use? It would need to be something subtle as I would not want it to get the attention of guests that may be over or the kids when they are home.

Since he will not be permitted to have any of his possessions in my bedroom, one of the first tasks to be done is for him to move all of his items out of my room and into the guest bedroom. Now if you have a guest bedroom, and you are like us, the guest bedroom tends to get filled with junk. He will need to do some cleaning up and rearranging the guest bedroom in order to fit his items into the room. He may need to slim down his clothing collection. Slaves should not have a lot of clothes to choose from anyway, right?  I may need to give him some specific instructions on reducing his possessions to fit into the space. Any suggestions?

Next, there will be rearranging in my bedroom to accommodate my preferences and moving in of my extra clothes that are stored in other places. As a Goddess, I have quite a collection of clothes but unfortunately not the luxury of a large walk in closet so many of my clothes are stored in other closets. I am looking forward to being able to have all of my clothes together in my bedroom. Thomas will need to organize and hang or fold my clothes neatly according to my instructions. Once complete, he will be required to do a thorough cleaning of the room and will need to make every shred of his items are removed.

This will be the first stage of taking full ownership of the bedroom. To make it fun, I will require Thomas to wear a slave outfit while he is moving items in and out of the bedroom for me. I am thinking collar, cuffs and panties will do. I may add a butt plug because that always puts him in a deep submissive state for me. Once the first stage is complete, the master bedroom will be officially off limits to him except for sleeping, cleaning, chores, or when I give him permission to enter for other reasons. There will be three golden rules for my bedroom that he will have to obey:

1. He is not to enter my bedroom without my permission. Even for chores (vacuum, laundry, etc.) he must ask for permission to enter my bedroom. I love the irony of him asking permission to to clean my room, rather than me ordering him to do it.

2. He is never to be fully clothed in my bedroom. Clothes must be left at the door before entering unless he is already wearing a slave or chore outfit. Those outfits are acceptable attire in my bedroom. No exceptions to this rule. If I ask him to fetch something out of the room for me, he must strip, fetch the item, and dress again when he leaves. 

3. He is never to talk in my bedroom unless I ask him a direct question or give him permission to speak. When he is in my bedroom 100% of his focus will need to be on serving me and pampering me.

Phase II will be for me to redecorate the room according to my tastes. I may get a new bedspread, and add new pictures and decorations. Do you think I should have him shop with me for the items or should I just make all the changes and have him walk in one day to a completely new room? Which would be the bigger mind fuck?

There is one final piece of puzzle to this whole transition. I will make it clear to Thomas that the guest bedroom is to remain a guest bedroom. He is not to personalize it for himself and he is never to refer to it as his room. All his items must be out of site at all times. No shoes or clothes lying around, no bags on the floor, and no papers, receipts, or items of his are allowed on any surface in the room. Everything must be stored in a drawer, box, or closet at all times. If I see any visible signs of his items in the guest bedroom, he will be subject to punishment. This will surely make him feel even more submissive and controlled.

Why Would I do This?
Taking over the master bedroom is purely a fun power play. It is a fun way for me to exert my power and dominance over Thomas and to make him feel even more submissive and owned by me. This is what he craves and I know he will love it. It is a great way to spice things up for us and keep him obedient to me. Certainly I am also going to enjoy having the room all to myself, except for sleeping. It will be a nice peaceful haven that I can escape to and not be disturbed. The best part is that my room will still be cleaned by him, he will still wash and put away my clothes in my room, and my bed will still be made every day by him. These are all the amazing perks of being a Goddess Wife in a WLM.

What do you think? Let's hear some other ideas.

-Mz Kaylee

Wednesday, July 6, 2022

Thoughts and Etiquette on Commenting

I've been enjoying the discussions going on in the comments of the last few posts. It is great to see new people chiming in and it is fantastic to hear different view points and also to read about real experiences that reinforce the messaging in the post. I appreciate that most people are commenting in a respectful manner. There are a variety of approaches that can be used in a WLM and not every approach works for every one. The cuckolding post is a clear example where people have different opinions. It's ok to have different opinions and it is ok to disagree. I encourage those who disagree to continue the discussion to get a better understanding of the other person's viewpoint. We all learn from those types of discussions and perhaps pick up something new to try or become more open-minded and knowledgeable from the discussion.  Sometimes the discussions lead to a mutual understanding or that everyone was thinking the same thing but just did not express it properly in writing. Other times, you might have to agree to disagree because you really do have two different view points. There is no benefit to you going out of your way to try a prove someone wrong. When this type of agreement occurs, it it fine to acknowledge the disagreement and move on.

A few guidelines for commenting etiquette.

  • Do not personally attack someone else because of their opinion or idea. This is a sure fire way to have your comment deleted by me.
  • If you disagree with a comment, provide the reason why you disagree or what might be the better approach. 
  • Please do not give a very strong opinion on a topic that you have zero experience with. There have been quite a few people in the past who have commented with strong opinions on WLM, but whom have never been married. I'm sorry to say, but if you have no experience on a topic your opinion has zero weight with me. Those who have experience on the topic can immediately see the flaws in such an opinion, so don't be that person that gives opinions on something you have no experience with. I am not saying that you can not comment, but your comments should be about trying to understand the topic, or asking questions, and getting clarifications.
  • If you comment as Anonymous please provide some context about yourself:
    • We want to know if you are a male, female, sissy, etc.  Make up a name that clearly identifies your gender. This also helps us to connect your comments together when you make multiple comments. If there are three anonymous comments, I don't know if it is three different people or all the same person. 
    • Let us know if you are submissive or dominant and if you are in a relationship. Provide any relevant information about your situation that relates to your comment. It's hard to answer a question or respond to a comment when there is no context about why you are asking the question or making the comment. For example, a submissive male who disagrees with spanking is very different than a non-submissive male who disagrees with spanking.
I share all this information to encourage productive comments and discussions on this blog and to try to eliminate the bad habits. It's is a wonderful thing when the comments on a post become more enlightening than the post itself and I love that it happens many times on this blog. I have learned quite a bit from your comments and have picked up a few great idea from the comments. In my early years of WLM, I appreciated the people who shared their real life experiences and advice because it helped me distinguish between what was fantasy versus what was reality and practical, and it also reassured me that I was not alone in my challenges and concerns. Please continue to share your experiences and advice so that others may learn.

To sum it all up, it is most productive for everyone if comments are used to ask questions, gain understanding on the topic, share advice and experiences, and express educated opinions about the topic. Instead of looking for the negative, look for the positive and how you can advance the discussion.

-Mz Kaylee

Monday, June 27, 2022

Submissive Refresh

Every now and then our WLM goes off course a bit because of external factors that impact my husband or I or both of us. It may be work related or family issues. As we all know from the recent pandemic, sickness can also temporarily put a stop to normal routines. Some things are beyond our control and we just have to deal with them. That is the way life works. As I talk about this, I am visualizing a ship traveling across the ocean that hits stormy seas. Large swells and waves may force the ship off course but once things calm down a bit the captain takes measures to get the ship back on course. This is all fresh in my mind because my husband and I are traversing a few waves of our own right now, that are beyond our control. So I am the captain of my marriage and like the captain of the ship, it is my responsibility to take measures to not get too far off course and then when the seas start to calm a bit, take action to get our WLM back on track. I have learned that the sooner I take these measures the better. If you let poor routines, laziness, and mediocre obedience linger, it only becomes worse and it becomes frustration for both the Wife and husband. 

The good news is that it easy to get back on track. It is as simple as administering a tough discipline session, with punishment, and then resetting expectations with your submissive husband. When I do this with my husband he instantly snaps back into submissive mode and his devotion and obedience to me is re-energized. I wish someone had told me this trick earlier in my FLR because there were many times in the past where we were floating along haphazardly for weeks in a state of unhappiness and frustration. Eventually I figured out that the "rip the band-aid" off approach worked perfectly. It is amazing how submissive men respond instantly to a session of  tough domination. I've realize that not only does my husband need this to get back on track, but he wants it. He wants the discipline, he wants me to be strict about resetting expectations, and he wants the punishment too. When external factors affect his obedience, it is not his fault, but he still needs and wants the punishment because it is his way to pay penance and forgive himself for not serving me the way he committed to. Once the punishment is over, his slate is wiped clean and he can move forward with his refreshed submission and devotion.

My usual approach is to first give him a written note expressing my disapproval in how things are going, citing specific examples. I will also express understanding of why it is happened and then state that it is time for him to do better and get back on track with his routines and chores. In the note I will convey that we will have a discipline session at a certain time (usually the upcoming weekend) to discuss further. I like giving the note about a day in advance of the session because it helps him mentally prepare for it, but it is not too long of a timeframe that he dwells on it. The note is also the spark that starts to re-energize his obedience. He always thanks me for the note and that day he will pay much more attention to me.

For the discipline session, I will have him naked or in sissy panties or in collar and cuffs. Typically when I do our regular review session, I am dressed in normal clothes. For this discipline session I will put on a fetish outfit such as a latex minidress, corset, or a leather top and shorts. I have these amazing heels with studded straps that I like to wear with the outfit. I break out the fetish wear for these occasions because this type of clothing sets a serious and dominant mood, which is very effective in helping to snap my husband back to the obedient and devoted slave that I want and the he desires to be. When he sees me in these outfits, the submissive effect on him is noticeable.

 I will then spend about 30 minutes discussing the situation and resetting expectations. Sometimes I will spank him but for these "get back on track" discipline sessions, I spend more time focused on discussing my expectations of him going forward because we both know the reason things went off-track was more due to external factors outside of our control. Focusing on what needs to change is more productive and motivational. I may even add a new rule or expectation for him.  During our talk he will either be kneeling across me while I am sitting on the bed or laying next to me on the bed, so that I can hold and stroke his cock. This keeps him very focused on listening to me.

At the end of the session, I will issue a punishment, which always requires that he wear a special pair of punishment panties every day until I feel his obedience and devotion are back up to my expectations on a consistent basis. Sometimes he has worn these panties for over a month. He has to hand wash them every night. For the actual punishment, I usually takeaway some of his privileges for a period of time such as activities with friends or TV time. The session will end with him spending 30 minutes kneeling in the corner as part of his punishment and to meditate on what he needs to do to be more devoted and obedient to me. However, I do get aroused during these sessions, so I will order him to orally pleasure me before I send him off to the corner. It is a very empowering feeling to order him to the corner immediately after I have an orgasm and while he is denied orgasm and fully aroused and horny for me.

The discipline session is also beneficial to me. Planning for and administering the session helps me get back into the routine of enforcing the rules and exerting my dominance. I am re-energized after the sessions and in the days following it will pay extra attention to ensuring Thomas is doing what he is supposed to do. 

The end result of all this is that we are both refocused on our roles within the WLM and we get right back on track without looking back. I highly recommend you use a tough discipline and punishment session to get things back on track, if your WLM has gone off course. Do not wait either. It's best to address it immediately.

-Mz Kaylee


Thursday, June 23, 2022

Benefits of a Female Led Relationship (FLR)

I recently stumbled across an article that highlighted 6 benefits of a Female Led Relationship (FLR), which I thought had great insights. The article was a bit of a sales pitch for Women to try FLR and I think it is a great sales pitch. Below I've pulled out a few quotes from the article that I felt were noteworthy. If you are a female that is new to FLR or are thinking about giving it a try, I recommend reading the full article written by JezebelbyNight:

A side note before we begin. In her writings, she uses the term Dominatrix, which most people relate to a leather clad, whip yielding woman who dominates many guys. Do not be intimidated by that reference. I personally would not characterize a woman in a FLR as a Dominatrix because of that extreme connotation associated with the label. To me, FLR is  about loving female control, which is much broader than femdom kink. Keep this context in mind as you read her article. On to the post: 

Jezebel commenting on Women trying FLR:

"This can lead to you growing and changing in other areas of your life, as you find yourself more able to be assertive in situations that may demand it, or more seductive and able to get what you want where you may previously have shrunk into the background. You will be able to command the respect that you may not always receive in life, and this is perhaps one of the greatest reasons there is to become a Dominatrix and begin a Female-Led Relationship."

This has been true for me. I was not a dominant or assertive person prior to FLR. My confidence and comfort with myself have grown tremendously since I embarked on a FLR. Now I am more assertive in everyday life, especially with guys. In the bedroom I am much more adventurous and in charge. When I look back, I find it funny that I was self-conscious walking around naked in front of my husband. Now I feel empowered being naked in front of him. There is no doubt now that I am dominant and very much in charge of my husband. 

"Opening yourself to the world of Femdom means that you have so many things to learn and experiment with, and your journey towards total Dominance will be peppered with lots of fun and exciting discoveries along the way."

Absolutely true!  It is a journey and there is a lot to learn. The one thing I would add is the journey is filled with both fun (ups) and frustration (downs) but as you progress on your journey the ups become much bigger and longer than the downs.

"Even if you don’t end up being a total Domme, you’re bound to find something that you didn’t know you loved, just by opening your mind to the possibility."

I love this statement! You have a lot to gain and nothing to lose by giving FLR a try. You can even start with baby steps by taking control of your husband for just one weekend a month and then as your comfort grows, add rules for him that extend beyond the weekend or increase your dominance time to a full week or more than 1 weekend a month. 

The next excerpt from Jezebel's article is about communication and the bond that is formed between the couple as a result of FLR. This deep bond is a tremendous benefit that I never anticipated when I started my FLR journey. FLR forced us to be more open, vulnerable and communicative with each other and it did it in a fun way. This created moments of fulfilling intimacy that led to a deep connection and trust between us. After 20+ years of marriage, my husband tells me often that he is so in love with me and that he feels like we are still in the honeymoon phase of our marriage. I feel the same way. We are connected together on a deep level that we would never have been able to achieve without FLR. Over the years of writing my blog, I have had several guys and Females in FLRs share similar experiences with me.

"You cannot have a strong and fulfilling D/s relationship without trust and intimacy. Even being able to discuss your fantasies with your partner requires a huge amount of trust and open communication, and what relationship couldn’t benefit from that?

You also have to learn what your partner’s wants, needs and limits are and how to respect them.

As well as building trust in the relationship, sharing your innermost desires with your partner creates a strong bond between you both.

A relationship where both partners have open communication, trust each other, feel connected and bonded to one another, and understand themselves on a deep level is a relationship worth being in, and these virtues will likely extend to other areas of the relationship, reducing conflict and creating loyalty and closeness."

And here are some final thoughts from Jezebel:

"At the end of the day, if you don’t try then you’ll never know. You don’t have to go full-on Scary Dominatrix and invest in a whole array of instruments of torture in order to be Dominant. If Femdom is good for anything, it’s for teaching you how to be open about your wants and needs, stand up for yourself in situations that require it, and sometimes, just sometimes, being able to bat your eyelids and get whatever you want 😉"

I don't know... would I be considered a full on scary Dominatrix?

I had a laugh at that reference but her point is spot on. There is no one right way to run a FLR. You have to decide what is right for you and do the things that resonate with you. What works for one couple may not work for another couple and something that is not appealing to you now, may suddenly be appealing a few years later as your FLR matures and progresses. A glaring example is the last post on cuckolding. If you read the comments you will see there are a myriad of opinions and viewpoints about it. It is perfectly ok to have different opinions and it just highlights that while it is great to listen to advice from others, you still need to apply your own judgement and reasoning on how you approach your FLR.

My advice is to read just my blog and follow all my advice. Just kidding!! You should read as much as you can about FLR and Femdom and try the things that appeal to you. There is a lot of BS that you will have to dig through but every so often you will find a golden nugget. The more you read and experiment with things, the more you will be able discern what is good advice and what is just fantasy fodder. I also suggest that you have an open mind and read about a topic that you might normally pass on and also try a few of the ideas that may seem crazy or that are outside of your comfort zone. You may be surprised at how much you like it. I've had many of these unexpected surprises over the years. I've also had a few failures but they are the moments that you look back and laugh at. To re-quote Jezebel - "If you don't try then you''ll never know."

Good luck and if you try something new, I'd love to hear how it went.

-Mz Kaylee