Tuesday, March 13, 2018

If You Could....the details

As promised, below are how I categorized the responses in the summary grid in my last post.  There are some categories that were not on the summary grid in my last post simply becasuse there were only a few responses that fit into those categories and so it did not rank high enough to be on the grid.  At the bottom of the list, I have also noted misceallaneous responses that did not fit into categories.  The details are intrguing and provide specific ideas to incorporate into your FLR. 

Chores Laundry, sweep house, clean bedroom, kitchen and bathroom, vacuum, does dishes, does chores without being told, does 99% of chores and errands, consistent and thorough with housework 
Discipline and Spanking
Regular discipline sessions, maintenance spankings, whipping, spanked to tears, OTK position for 15-20 minutes; Mistress uses variety of instruments such as riding crop, wooden spoon, hairbrush, paddle and leather belt
Pampering/Massage He bathes her, massages her, puts lotion on her, shaves and cleans her pussy; he gives her manicures, pedicures, foot rubs; increased knowledge and competence in massage
Punishment/held accountable Punished when needed, punishment fits the crime, he is held accountable, he is questioned, punished with extra assignments, reprimanded, or curtailment of privileges; punishments generally should not be necessary, corporate punishment that is a deterrent, she brings out her inner "bitch" with punishments
Unconditional Obedience Does what she wants immediately and without question; is her housewife
Loves and Respects Her Is polite to me, respects me when I am with others, is loving and caring
Strictness and Control Controls his TV watching, sex life, bedtime, clothes/underwear that he wears, conversations; she gives directives/does not request; she verbalizes exactly what she wants; she is more controlling, more strict, more open with her desires and expectations; she fingers his bottom with a "fuck me" dominant attitude; she exerts more power over him 
Sex By Her Terms Her rules and her priorities during sex, she takes complete control of sex, she decides when and how, sex whenever she wants and on her terms
Use of Rituals Kneeling, foot worship, ritual of service (serving tea in bed), kneeling naked daily, daily rituals, ritual when wife returns home (greet her naked, kiss her, kneel, kiss feet, remove shoes)
oral sex for her/Face sitting Required pussy worship every morning, endless oral sex, complete oral servitude, lots of oral sex
Orgasm Control She completely controls his orgasms
More Teasing More teasing and denial; a day of teasing for him, constant teasing by wife, more teasing and mind games
More sex/sex on demand/orgasms for her More focus on her desires and less on his, she demand sex more often, sex on her terms, more orgasms for her
He recognizes obedience to her/ownership Acknowledges FLR, that he obey and belongs to her, she is breadwinner and he is homemaker
Other Responses (not on summary grid):  
Less Whining No pestering about lack of orgasms, knowing when to shut up and listen
Deep Connection with her She should probe into his heart and mind, know him fully, a connection with her where he is both awed and amazed by her and her lover for him and the thought of looking for sexual satisfaction elsewhere does not enter his mind; deep emotional connection not always seen in vanilla marriage
Public Play/Play with others Engage with others in some way, participate with another/others as a submissive couple, be dominated in public (verbal, slap, dominant situations)
Training Training protocols, training to do it right
Miscellaneous Responses by both men & Women Forced cum eating, he is naked, cuckolding, she has final decision
Miscellaneous Responses by men only Anal penetration by her, he worships her ass, forced bi, he is collared, he is marked, she wears male clothes, erotic humiliation, he acknowledges female supremacy and FLR, monthly review/assessment of FLR, sexualizing mundane tasks, she feels free to live as she desires, he is rewarded, she dresses dominantly/fetish wear, she is available 24/7 for nursing, she is firm with softness, sex slave/forced to do things for her, she is comfortable being pleased in ways other than intercourse, she values him, punishments are safe and come with care/discussion time afterward, she talks seductively
Miscellaneous Responses by Women only Feminization, he is attentive to her needs and keeping her happy, treats her like a Goddess; he cooks for her, drives her around and takes care of car, does shopping; he is her sex toy, does everything with pleasure, drinks her piss; she control finances; he does spontaneous gestures such as hair brushing, cuddling, pedicures, doing extra (all) chores, doing chores for her friend

Thursday, March 1, 2018

If You Could....The Results are in!

I have finally had the chance to compile all the responses I received from the "If You Could" post.  Thank you for your patience. Compiling the results in a meaningful way took longer than I expected. Some very insightful things came out of the responses so it was worth the work. I appreciate all those who responded. There are many of you whom I can always count on for feedback and comments and you all keep me motivated to write more. It was also great to see in my inbox many new names of people who responded to the post. Your participation made the results more impactful and meaningful. If I did not get a good quantity of responses, this exercise would not have been fruitful so thank you all for participating!

To refresh, here is what was asked:  "If you could have things any way you want in your FLR, what would be the top 5 - 10 things you would incorporate in your FLR?  Please answer honestly without consideration of your current situation.  In other words what is your ideal or fantasy FLR?  " 

I categorized the responses into common categories.  There were 14 categories that had multiple responses associated with them. The chart below highlights these categories broken out further between male and female. I color coded them so that you can easily find the match between male responses and female responses. Text that is highlighted in red indicates that there was no matching response.  Next to each response, I indicated the percentage of people who had at least one response that fell into the category.

What is fascinating is that none of the categories that had the highest response rate for females had high response rates for males or visa versa. In most cases, categories that were ranked high for one sex were ranked low or not ranked at all by the opposite sex. For females, the top responses are focused on the male doing things for the female and being obedient to her. For males, the most popular categories are focused on the male being disciplined, punished, and being controlled.There is some correlation between the two groups, but they are clearly very different perspectives. The female perspective has an underlying tone of the male doing things for the female out of obedience and to please the female, whereas the male perspective has an underlying tone of servitude and wanting to feel controlled and held accountable as a means to obeying the female.

With the differences highlighted by the above chart, one can understand why it is common for people to struggle to find the right balance in a FLR. This exercise demonstrates that for many people, there are clearly two different forces and motives at play in the FLR.

On the positive side there are commonalities between the female and male responses.  In the Medium section of the table (categories with 20% - 30% of responses), orgasm control and oral sex/facesitting were identified by both male and female. In addition, 25% of the female responses fell within the category "Increase control/strict/dominant attitude," which was a category that fell within the High response rate of males. Perhaps these are the things that should be focused on early in the relationship since both the male and female find these important or appealing. I have no problem with more oral sex!

In my own personal experiences and research, orgasm control is a very common and prominent theme in femdom and FLR and so it is no surprise to see that it was ranked similarly for men and women. Men also emphasized more teasing as being important, which I broke out into a separate category.  One could make the case that the teasing is part of orgasm control and so if you group them together, it brings the female and male response rate even closer. I chose to separate Teasing from Orgasm Control in the chart because only males emphasized the teasing, whereas the female responses were about controlling when and how the male orgasmed. I thought this was an important distinction.

Understanding the different perspectives between female and male when it comes to FLR is a powerful step toward achieving a happy and successful FLR. Every couple is different and so it is also important to go even deeper and understand the differences in desires between you and your partner as you embark on your FLR. Once you understand these differences, what can you do?  Below are some thoughts.

For the husband who is trying to introduce his wife to FLR:

Identify those things that she loves and focus on providing those things to her, without her having to ask. For example, offer to take on chores, offer to massage her, bathe her, or buy her a gift certificate for a manicure/pedicure. Don't do it just once and don't expect anything in return at first. Treat her like a Goddess for a few weeks and then start to discuss your desires with her. Trust me, she is going to eventually know something is going on, but she is going to be more open to the suggestion of her taking the reigns of the marriage if it means all the good things are going to continue for her.

For the wife who is struggling for figure out FLR:

Recognize that everything in the "Male" column in the above chart is a motivator for him. The items in the "High" category are the strong motivators.  These are all tools that you should use to keep him motivated to be obedient to you. These are actions that make him happy and excited to obey and serve you. I have said this before and I will say it over and over again because it is so very important to the FLR: Submissive men need to be controlled and they crave to be controlled and dominated.  It sounds crazy, but discipline and strictness motivate men to serve and obey you. Giving them rules to follow and then walking away and expecting them to follow them without further attention is not going work. You may get immediate results, but to keep him obedient and happily serving you, you need to proactively invest time into exerting your dominance and control over him on an ongoing basis.

The secret is to actively apply his motivators to get him to do what you want (all the things in the Female High Category).

For the experienced FLR wife:

Do not lose site of his motivators. Believe it or not, even a FLR can become vanilla over time. A well trained husband is rarely punished and may not need as much discipline. There is less need for you to be strict because he has been trained to do everything the way you want. However, your strictness and dominance is still a motivator for him and will always excite him and keep him happy. Apply your strictness in the bedroom to keep the spark going. Find new ways to train him so that he still feels your control, and when punishments are non-existent, replace them with rewards. A seductive teasing, sensual spanking, or night of complete dominance can be great rewards for the submissive male.

For the everyday submissive male:

Understand the top desires of your wife (Female, High categories). This is what makes her happy. Focus on these things. Plan a day of pampering for your wife, do chores without being told, and treat her like a Goddess everyday. Go out of your way to make her happy. Recognize that her being strict and dominant to you is not always what she wants and the she is often doing these things for you. When she does these things, thank her and tell her how much you appreciate that she is helping you to live out your fantasy.

These were the observations that I came up with based on your responses. Please share your thoughts. Do you think you fit in with the chart above? Do you agree with my insights or do you see something different or additional in the responses?

There were several responses that did not fit into the above categories.  I will share these in my next post and I will also put together a chart that shows some of the different responses that were grouped into each category.


Friday, December 22, 2017

Commanding Him To Cum

Commanding your husband to cum is a powerful and impactful action that builds your control over him and adds to his submissiveness. What better proof of your dominance over him than having him cum on command? Training and conditioning him to cum on command is easy to do and there are many techniques that you can use.

If you practice orgasm control you are already ahead of the game. I've written about orgasm control in my past posts but I've always focused on the teasing and denial aspects of it. In this post, I will focus on the orgasm. If you are practicing teasing and denial, you already know how to bring your husband to the edge of orgasm and if you've been doing it for awhile, you've probably mastered the art of bringing him to the edge over and over again and keeping there. When he is in a highly aroused state and focused on holding back his orgasm for you, having him cum on commands is easy. All you have to do is firmly order "cum for me" and simultaneously stroke his cock hard. Instant orgasm!  The three simple words are powerful. The last two words redirect his focus to you. He is cumning not because he wants to but because you want him to. Be sure that the tone of your voice is firm and commanding. It's the little things that make a big difference. You are sending a message to his mind that he is cumming for you and not for himself. This is much more powerful and impactful than simply allowing him to cum. In the past when Thomas asked for permission to cum, if I was going to allow it, I would respond with ,"yes, you can come." I have since changed my response to "cum for me."

It is a mind fuck for him as he is so focused on holding back his orgasm and then suddenly without warning, he is ordered to cum. Trust me, if you have him on the edge when you do this, the switch in his mind from holding back to releasing orgasm is instant and almost a natural immediate reaction. It is fascinating and I revel in the power that I can instantly bring him to orgasm at any moment.

You can try different variations with the command. Instead of ordering him with no warning at all, you can give him advance notice. You can tell him at the start of the teasing that you are going to let him orgasm but that he must not orgasm until you give the order. This present an even greater mind fuck for him because now he knows it is coming but just not when. As you tease him there is greater hope in his mind that this will be the moment he gets to orgasm. He will most likely get to the edge much quicker and find it harder to hold back. There is a much different set of emotions spinning through his head when he knows he can orgasm at some point compared to if he is holding back his orgasm as part of normal tease and denial. You can also give him a warning when the time is close.  For example, "I am going to let you cum in just a moment but just not right now...."  Watch how his arousal spikes when you say those words.

Another technique is giving him a count down to orgasm. This is a great mind game for him and also a good technique to use if you are new to teasing and denial and not quite familiar with the signs of when he is about explode. You simply tell him you are going to count him down to orgasm and when you get to 1 he can orgasm. When you reach 1, be sure to give him the firm command.  "5-4-3-2-1, cum for me!"  He will instantly cum at that moment! This is a fool proof option. Once you start the countdown his mind is completely focused on getting ready to cum. By the time you get to 3 or 2 he is ready to burst and can barely hold out for 1. A nice steady count down is a great way to condition him to cum on your command and he become very excited by your count down.

Once you have him trained well, you can have fun with the count down. You can start at 10 and do it very slowly to prolong the tease.  You could pause in between certain numbers and verbally tease him a bit about how close he is, how cute it is to see him straining, or how weak he is under your control.  The pauses will drive him insane. I do not recommend pausing at the lower numbers, unless you are feeling a bit cruel :)  It certainly would test his will power but there's a good chance he is past the point of no return and he may burst before you get to command him to cum. Another fun thing to do is stop stroking right before you command him to cum and watch him explode on his own.  Talk about the power of your words!  You can experiment with this and stop stroking on earlier numbers.  I've been able to stop stroking when I get to 3 and he still cums when I finish the count down and command him to cum. It's so much fun to watch and see him cum on command without any touching!  It's a big mind tease for him as well.

These techniques can be used with him masturbating instead of you stroking, or even during sex.  Be creative and have fun!

More on Power Words
As I indicated above it is a powerful action when you command him to cum for you versus just giving him permission to cum. Do not underestimate the power of your words.  Using the right words can multiply the arousing and submissive effect on him and can have a lasting impression. The difference between great sex and great femdom sex is that after awhile great sex is forgotten about but great femdom sticks in his mind year-after-year. Men do not forget those moments when you give them a great mind fuck.

You can play around with many words to enhance the experience of commanding him to cum. When you are in the heat of the moment, I am sure many words will come to mind naturally. Some phrases I have used are: "Cum for me slave," "cum for me Pet," and "Give me all of your cum." While he is cumming I may say things like, "Yes," "Good boy," or "That's right, cum for me." Another powerful command is "I am going to take all your cum from you." I love the dominance in this command. It is a fun command to use if you are going to allow him to orgasm during intercourse. This sends a clear message that you are in control and taking his cum. He has no choice.  You could follow the command with, "There's nothing you can do about it."

There are many possibilities with commanding him to cum. Be sure to be firm and confident when you give the command. When you combine this with orgasm denial, you will have a powerful orgasm control program in place that will clearly establish you as the one in control. Think about how powerful this is.....he never orgasms without your permission, you deny him orgasm as long as you wish, keeping his arousal high, and then the moment you want him to orgasm, you command it from him and his body instantly responds without thought. With you in complete control of his orgasm, he is under your thumb and deeply submissive.  A wonderful way to be, don't you think?

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

If You Could.....followup

Thanks to all who responded to the previous post.  I received lots of emails and everyone did a great job at keeping it simple and concise. I very much appreciate that! I still need more responses, especially from women. You can either post your comments here or send an email to me if you wish to remain anonymous.  I will not publish any names. Please refer to the previous post for instructions and my email address. 

Thanks! Happy Holidays!

-Mz Kaylee 

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

If You Could......

I have an idea for a post but I need your input.  I would like input from both men and women.  If any of you have a blog, please feel free to post the question below on your blog and or feel free to forward the question to others.  The more responses I get from both men and women, the better.  Please have people respond either directly in the comments in this post or send to me at mzkaylee101@gmail.com
If you could have things any way you want in your FLR, what would be the top 5 - 10 things you would incorporate in your FLR?  Please answer honestly without consideration of your current situation.  In other words what is your ideal or fantasy FLR?   I will be compiling responses so please keep your responses simple and to the point and 10 items or less.  I do not want paragraphs of information or explanations of why you are listing each items.  Just send me 5 - 10 things your would incorporate in your ideal FLR. It could be rules, routines, or even the ideal way your partner would act.  For example, a few things I would list are:

        • Nightly massages
        • He does 100% chores
        • He baths me
        • Sex whenever I want and on my terms
        • He sleeps naked.
        • He responds immediately to my commands
Your list could be completely different and focused on different things. Certainly if you are a man, I would expect much different responses.  The example above is just to show how simple and concise I need the information.  If you wish to remain anonymous, then e-mail me your responses.  I will not publish names/responses.  My plan is to compile the information, share the results, and write a few overall observations on the results.


Tuesday, November 28, 2017


Hi all. It's been awhile since I wrote. Sorry for the long delay but things have been busy and I just needed to take a break from writing for awhile. You can thank my husband for this post as his recent behavior has motivated me to write this post. 

Unfortunately for him it is not good news but he has no one to blame but himself. He has not been performing his duties up to my expectation and slacking on his chores. There were a few big things that ultimately sent me over the edge but leading up to it, there were many small things. Things like not doing a thorough job cleaning the kitchen, not putting my clothes or the kids clothes away in the right spot and not neatly folding the items in my drawers. Some of it is him being forgetful but a lot has to do with his lack of focus on the tasks.  It irks me when I am cooking and have to look for a certain bowl because he did not put it away in the right place, especially when it’s not the first time I have told him about it. Many of these little things I talk to him about and discipline him and he does better but then a few weeks later he slips again. I was beginning to think that it was time for a punishment; something to get him to remember and focus on doing things to my expectation. My decision to punish was easily made the day I was driving my car and the gas light came on and I was not close to home.   It is his job to ensure my gas tank is always full. Goddesses do not pump gas J.  I’ve had to remind him a few times but I should not have to. It is up to him to check my car to make sure there is enough gas for me to do my needed driving each day. I was not happy at all that I had to pump gas. He received a text immediately from me that my car was low on gas and that I would have to fill it myself. He replied quickly that he was sorry. He knew he was in the dog house.

Punishments are a very effective tool in a FLR. In fact, I would say a punishment is very powerful when done right. Punishing your husband is essential for keeping the FLR strong. When you administer a punishment, it lets him know there are consequences for bad behavior and it also brings a fierce reality to his submission to you. When he faces the consequences doled out by you, it sends a clear message that this is not all fantasy and that you have authority over him. In my opinion, when you punish your husband and he accepts it, it has a real effect on his psyche which elevates your authority over him and pushes him deeper into submission to you. The ultimate outcome is a husband that is obedient and doing everything possible to make you happy and a husband that could never imagine a marriage in which he is equal to you because it is so natural for him to follow and please you.

In a healthy relationship, punishments are not frequent. If you have to punish your husband frequently, then there is something wrong.  He should not be disobeying you and displaying bad behavior on a regular basis. Punishment should be reserved for the serious infractions where he knowingly disobeyed you, did something unacceptable, or as in my recent experience, has recurring issues which discipline has not been effective in resolving long-term. Most of the time, he knows he did something wrong and the punishment should not come as a surprise to him.

The purpose of the punishment is to provide consequences for bad behavior in order to deter him from exhibiting bad behavior again.  Punishments also bring issues to closure.  Once a punishment is completed both husband and wife can move on with life rather than let something fester inside and stay angry.  I like the idea of let the punishment fit the crime.  More serious infractions lead to more serious and longer punishments.  The punishment can also be designed to provide a lesson specific to the infraction.  For example, in the past when he did not properly fold my clothes, I made him empty all of my drawers and refold everything and put it away again.

Earlier this year, I read advice somewhere (can’t remember where) that incorporating some sort of sexual connection or submissive connection into the punishment helps keep the husband from getting resentful or upset by the punishment.  My initial reaction was to disagree with the advice. After all, punishments should not be fun. However, the more I thought about it, the more it made sense and I realized that I actually do that myself. It does not make the punishment fun but rather it keeps his mind in submissive mode and makes it more acceptable for him to take on the punishment. If you’ve read my blog, you know that when I punish Thomas, I make him wear punishment panties during his punishment. This is the sexual connection because he gets excited by being ‘forced’ into panties. The difference is these panties are uncomfortable for him and they are just part of the punishment.  By the end of the punishment period he is ready to be done wearing them. They serve as a 24/7 reminder that he is in punishment mode but his actual punishment is much more unpleasant.

So let’s get back to Thomas. I have a few standard “go to” punishments that Thomas is used to receiving such as taking away privileges with friends or increasing his chores over a period of time.  This time I decided to change things up a bit. I wanted to get his attention and get him to start doing things right all of the time. A few days after the ‘gas incident’ I called him up to the room.  I had him strip down to the punishment panties he was wearing. Then I pointed to a pink bra on the bed and told him to put it on. He looked at me surprised.  I told him firmly to put it on and not ask questions. It was actually humorous watching him fumble with it. I had to help him into it.  Next I told him to get his butt plug and put it in. This time he obeyed without question.  I could tell he was embarrassed putting it in in front of me. Finally I had him put on a strap that snaps around the base of his cock and then pull his punishment panties back up. By now he was completely aroused and a bit confused. He was excited but unsure what was going on because of my serious tone.  He knew a punishment was eventually coming for the gas incident so I am sure he was trying to figure out if this was fun or punishment. He would learn soon enough.

I told him to put his clothes back on again, over the bra and panties. Then I told him my car needed gas and he should go put it in now. Now there was fear in his eyes. He questioned if I was serious. I explained that he already had punishment panties and that going forward I am incorporating a punishment bra. I talked to him about his forgetfulness, hastiness in doing chores, and lack of focus. I explained how I was tired of reminding him several times where things had to be put away. Finally I laid out the path forward, telling him whenever he has to correct something he did wrong; he will have to wear his butt plug and punishment panties while he corrected it. I didn’t care if it was just moving one thing from one cabinet to another; he would first have to go up and put those items on and then correct it. If he forgot to do something and I had to tell him about it, he would have to put the items on before doing it. Furthermore, once the items were on, he had to wear them until bedtime. I told him the bra would be reserved for more serious items based on my discretion. If he forgets to do something that causes me inconvenience (like put gas in my car) he will be made to do a task while wearing the bra.

I sent him off to put gas in my car. I could tell he was scared but I reminded him that it was chilly outside and he could use a coat to hide his ‘curves’.  I am not that cruel.  I would never make him wear a bra in public in the summer time. However, I later told him that there were many other possibilities for the bra punishment such as retrieving the mail from our mailbox at the end of the driveway, picking up prescriptions at the drive-through pharmacy and getting fast food at a drive through.  In the winter time I could make him do a lap around the mall with me.

This punishment was a bit out of my comfort zone.  I felt a little bad sending him out in public but it was night time, he was covered up with a coat and all he had to do was pump gas.  It was low risk with high punishment factor and it was very effective.  The fear of having to do that again has kept him very obedient and focused and he is paying much closer attention to what he is doing.  The strap and plug have been used a few times since, but I can see that he is paying more attention with what is being corrected.  He’s even taking notes! The plug or strap may seem exciting at first, but they get more uncomfortable the longer he wears them and it is very inconvenient for him to have to constantly change and put those items on just to correct something he did wrong.

I also sense that after the punishment he feels a much deeper submission to me now. He did not expect such a drastic punishment from me.  Now he knows that I can and will push limits to hold him accountable and this has positively changed his behavior.  Afterward he left me a note apologizing for his bad behavior and thanking me for getting him back on track.  I hope you see the power in this and how effective punishment can be.

I know it can be a challenge figuring out how to punish.  The panty/bra punishment is certainly an unusual punishment and may not be something you would want to try.  That is perfectly fine.  I just shared it as an example of a creative approach that is effective at both deterring bad behavior and increasing your level of authority in the relationship. If you can customize it to the infraction that is best.  The other thing to do is give him things that he will not enjoy.  Remember, you want to deter him from doing bad behavior by letting him know there are consequences if he is bad. Here are a few ideas:
  • Double-up on his chores for a week or two – have him do your chores during this time; also be extra messy so that his chores take longer
  • Add new punishment chores – clean all your shoes, iron a stack of your clothes, hand wash your panties each night, clean your car, clean the bathroom every night
  • Early bedtime
  • No talking for a period of time
  • Chastity Cage
  • No TV; no cell phone when you are together
  • Cannot go out with friends
  • Takeaway spending money
  • Micromanage him – he must ask permission for everything (to eat, drink, go to bathroom), when away he must text you every hour telling you where he is and what he is doing, give him lots of little tasks to do throughout day (get water, get pen, change his clothes, wash his hands, check the temperature outside, etc.)  If he complains, extend the duration of the punishment.
  • Sleep on floor or couch
  • Not allowed to sit on furniture
  • Make him eat after everyone else in the house has eaten.
  • Hand write over and over again, “I will not…..[whatever bad behavior is]”
  • Deny his orgasm longer than usual
  • Must stay home and do chores while you go out for fun.  Tell friends you are with that he could not come because he has things to do for you which he did not get done earlier.
  • Cold showers or he must take a bath using your leftover bathwater
  • Must get up extra early to do chores or do an errand for you (having breakfast or a fresh donut before work is nice).
  • Physical punishments that are unpleasant and become tiresome for him:  
    • Stand or kneel naked in corner each night or morning over several days (hold quarter against wall with nose)
    • Wear something uncomfortable every time he does chores such as a butt plug, uncomfortable shoes, or tight/spiked cock cage/harness
    • Hard spanking

Friday, September 22, 2017

Those Weird Kinky Moments That Bring Us Closer Together

Sex is an important part of marriage and I believe kink has a rightful place in the marriage as well. Just about every man in the world would not argue with this. It's unfortunate that many women do not recognize this. When a woman ignores the sexual component of her marriage it creates stress in the marriage which can cause her to be distant from her husband, or even worse, it creates risk for an affair to occur.  Men are sexual creatures; this can not be ignored. Women are sexual too, but for men it's much more prevalent and always on their minds.

In a FLR the woman recognizes the importance of sex to the man and uses it as a tool to control him and maintain authority over him. A woman who embraces her husband's submission and sexual desires will create an environment that strengthens the marriage and bring the couple closer together and connected on a deep spiritual level. When done right, a FLR builds an environment where the husband's life evolves around her not just because there are rules, but because he worships her, adores her, and is addicted to her authority and control. In this type of environment, the man feels lucky to be married to his wife and strives to to please her any way he can. The thought of an affair is non-existent.

Many women struggle with embracing their inner Goddess or Mistress. This includes letting their inhibitions go and actively using their husband's sexual desires and fantasies as tools to elevate her control and authority over him. It was something that took me awhile to understand and embrace and when I did, it opened up a whole new world to me. Here is the crazy thing - In talking with a friend of mine (you know who you are :)), we both came to the conclusion that those strange kinky moments brought us closer together with our husbands in a big way.  It's something you have to experience to truly understand. Before I elaborate, I'd like to share a few quotes from Elise Sutton. I consider her an expert on female authority and she has been a wonderful influence on both my husband and I.  In the early years of our FLR, my husband bought me one of her books and it helped me to understand how real and fulfilling a FLR lifestyle is.

"Men create the majority of FemDom art, pictures and images to express how powerful women are in their eyes and how weak they feel in a woman’s presence. These images represent what men are feeling inside."

"So I say to the ladies, please do not get offended by FemDom artwork, videos, or literature, no matter how graphic in nature some of these may be. Instead, look more closely at what is being expressed by the male gender. What are men trying to convey when they produce media that shows men collared and bound at the feet of a woman? Ask yourself, why are sites like The Other World Kingdom so popular with men? What do these pictures say about the male submissive nature?  If a woman will look closer, get over her prudish and self-righteous ways and examine the message more than the content, then she will gain an incredible insight into the male psyche. What is the underlying message to all of these expressions, regardless of the content? Is it not simply the male gender recognizing his need to submit to the female gender? Is it not the inner male child, crying out to be disciplined and trained by the female gender? Is it not the true nature of man breaking forth in his attempt to surrender himself to the female gender?"

The entire article can be found here:  http://femdoming.com/what-is-female-domination-female-supremacy/ 

The article also talks about female superiority, which has been a hot topic here the last few weeks so be sure to check it out.

Ms. Sutton's observations and insights are spot on. Women need to understand that men desire kink and submissive men desire to be dominated by a woman. They want to be spanked, punished, held accountable, and put in an environment filled with rules, strictness, and rituals that reinforce their submission. They are happiest and most productive when they are in this type of environment. When things start turning back to "vanilla" their minds wander back to porn and fantasies and the focus comes off of the their wives. Even in a FLR, this can happen. Overtime, the FLR becomes routine and the spice is lost. Men in this situation overtime will often just accept the situation and even start believing that kinkiness should not be a part of the FLR. I've seen this dynamic play out in forums where you have people who have many years of experience in a FLR.  A new comer posts a kinky experience and then all the old timers blast him for it. In those situations, I think it's the old-timers that need to reevaluate themselves. They've essentially been trained by their wives that the kinky desires are bad or that they should suppress these desires. However, I'm pretty sure deep down, those desires exist in those men and if their wives simply played into them, it would take their marriage to a whole new level and the men would not complain at all.

I'll caveat a few things here. For most men, the need for kink declines when they are older but I don't think it ever goes away. I can tell you my hubby is in his late 40's and is horny as ever.  Also, in more mature relationships there tends to be a less emphasis on kink. I believe it's in the best interest of the marriage to always have some level of kink, but the frequency and intensity of it will vary based on the individuals desires and will probably change over time.

I also want to make it clear that I am not saying the old-timers in my example are unhappy or disconnected in the marriage. The fact that they are in a FLR probably means they are happier and more connected to their wives than most other men who are in vanilla relationships. One can certainly have a FLR without kink. The point I am making is that kink is a powerful tool that brings the couple closer together, makes the marriage happier, contributes to the increasing authority of the wife over the husband and for the husband creates loyalty to his wife. A husband without kink is living like a caterpillar, whereas if he had kink, he could experience his full potential as a butterfly and live a much more fulfilling life. With kink he will happily soar on his submissive wings and bring even greater joy to his wife.

I will share a few of my own personal examples to bring some context to all this theory. When I first married Thomas, I never imagined that many years later I would have him lying over my lap, dressed in frilly panties, and waiting be spanked with my riding crop. I did not even know the concept of orgasm control and denial, or that there were wives that punished their husbands. When Thomas brought those concepts to me I thought it was strange and weird but I kept an open mind about it and gave it a try. It was only after living through these experiences a few times that I began to gain an understanding of why the FLR dynamic worked.

One of my earlier kinky experiences was when I focused on the "little girl" in Thomas. I had put him in panties previously, but this particular time, I was more comfortable in my role and I playfully teased him and talked about how cute he was in panties and told him that he was my little girl. The reaction from him was indescribable. He was quiet, docile, almost blank. I knew he was aroused beyond belief.  He was in subspace.  I think he was shocked that I went "there" and I was a little surprised myself. I felt his vulnerability, his submission to me, and my power over him. He was putty in my hands.

It was a very intimate moment for us. It brought us closer together. The next day he could not thank me enough for doing it. His obedience to me was at an all time high the next few days and his loyalty to me increased. He confessed he was embarrassed by it but that he was also very excited by what happened. He did not understand it, but he loved it. How many husbands and wives have those types of very personal and intimate experiences and discussions? When you can  talk about those things, it creates a special bond. It is wonderful.

I have more examples to share but I will pause there for now. Please share your thoughts or similar experiences. I also encourage all of the women readers to explore the kinky side of the relationship. It's never too late to start. Trust me, your husband will love it and it will do wonders for your relationship. If you have any reservations about this, please share and we can discuss.

-Mz Kaylee