Please enjoy this guest post by John Dalton. In his post John formulates several opinions, drawing on his personal experiences with WLM. I appreciate his well thought out post and I look forward to the ensuing discussion from all of you. -Mz Kaylee
I am sure most readers of this blog are men longing for female authority in their life. Some would disagree but I am convinced that all men are born with this desire but it takes time and experience with the right woman to come to terms with this need. Unfortunately, due mostly to socialization and the general nature of women it is very unlikely that a women will ever consider dominance as a means to attract the attention of men . This is very unfortunate as a dominant presence is much more effective than all the typical adornments that women apply in their efforts to attract male attention.
As enlightened men, we often look for ways to entice the women in our lives to become more dominant. This may work for a moment but we forget that women are very intuitive and quickly see that the cheese is part of the trap . Typically the “ cheese “ in most new Female Led relationships seems to start out with the man taking on more household duties and allowing the woman to have more time to luxuriate in her new found place of authority. The energy of this dynamic usually fades over time because the cheese comes with a whole new list of responsibilities to fulfill his desire for submission. She may not be scrubbing the floors now but she is still serving his needs and desires .
It is my opinion that the paradigm shift that Mz Kaylee so eloquently describes is like an awaking or new perspective that occurs at the core of the relationship. As the woman matures and truly understands the empowering concepts of a WLM/FLR she begins to relax in her authority and channel the energy away from his desires to hers. Odd as it may seem, most men experience their own paradigm shift at this point and find the terms of the new relationship even more fulfilling. The fantasy play of the past is replaced with an application of authority and direction that serves her desires and actually adds practical value to her daily life. The cheese is now on a silver platter and elegantly served according to her desires.
If we look deeper into the elements of this change I believe many women and therefore couples often abandon the concept of a WLM at the edge of the paradigm shift. The unknown of the abyss is scary because intuitively she knows that there can be no return to the traditional concepts of marriage. Everything she values in love and relationship is on the line with only a promise of a new beginning that is counter to everything she has been taught.
It is at this juncture, a place she has likely retreated from many times before, that she realizes that there is no return to the normalcy of a traditional relationship. The experiences and vivid memories of what she thought was only sexual play have become part of their intimate bond and cannot be undone. His deep and before hidden desires of submission have been laid bare while she has experienced the often confusing but very real effects of power and control in the relationship. All pretense of equality is gone as she realizes that her authority goes far beyond play. Her fear and instincts tell her to run but the door is closed to the patriarchal ways of the past. Whether chosen or sought , the paradigm shift has become real for both. He is no longer a husband but rather a willing and dedicated servant to the woman he cherishes. If he expects to be her lover he will have to earn that privilege daily. She has become all powerful and has forever put aside any ideas of service to her husband. The privileges of an empowered woman are likely far from her visions of love and marriage but in some mysterious way it seems like she has come home to a truth she has always known. Her confidence grows as she begins to understand that her power is no longer given and therefore cannot be taken away. His submission to her is still a choice but his love and desire for her is now ten fold . His source of happiness and contentment are found in service to her. This is an age old concept that is found in virtually every part of our marriage culture but remains taboo in the traditional sense of relationship . Men are only allowed to give service to their wife as part of the “ happy wife , happy life “ excuse .
I believe the paradigm shift is part of a life changing transformation that goes beyond the confines of the relationship. Younger women with less socialization to the concepts of a patriarchal society find this transition much less difficult while older women struggle and may never find the courage or even desire to complete the transition. I was encouraged to write this post after reading lady Di’s comments about her struggles as she approaches the paradigm shif . I think all women experience the same issues and are confused as they approach the cross over point. She may be convinced that a FLR/WLM is truly the way forward but in real life it still remains awkward and challenging . I would liken this to a Women that suddenly realizes that she has won a trip to England . This has always been a dream ! She is filled with excitement until she finds the voucher for her car rental. Her dream vacation turns into a nightmare as she considers driving in strange places on the wrong side of the road! England sounds beautiful but not if she has to drive!
Power in the relationship might have been something that she struggled to obtain but not something that she ever imagined would be laid at her feet. The struggle for power and control is something all couples deal with in marriage and relationships. The paradigm shift enables her to approach problems and challenges from a new perspective .The dominance of play becomes part of her demeanor as she realizes that a dominant presence has value in everyday life . Like the afore mentioned woman that won the trip to England , the fear and dread of driving fades as she considers that there are hundreds of handsome young men living in England that would find great privilege in driving her around the city! As an empowered woman the solution is there but she has to overcome the meekness and fear that comes with change.
The point of my rambling is to encourage women to boldly embrace the paradigm shift. The man that introduced her to this lifestyle may initially reject the new and powerful woman she has become but his rebellion will quickly fade as his submissive desires take control . Like her ,he will experience the paradigm shift as he falls deeply into a submission that is complete and is no longer based on his fantasy but rather the fulfillment of her desires . This can be a very contentious point in the transition and not a place couples should linger. The woman must establish her place of authority with straightforward changes that move the relationship away from the sexual play of dominance to real life demands and expectations. Going back to lady Di’s comments , it is not the application of more dominant sexual play that will raise his commitment to the principles of a WLM/FLR but rather the maturing of her authority that is presented with an unyielding expectation of obedience and adoration. If he chooses to be disobedience than he will do so at the loss of fulfilling his most urgent need of submission . The threat of loosing her or at the minimum a return to the principles of a vanilla relationship will motivate him far more than new or harsher disciplines. I am not trying to suggest that dominant play should be removed from a mature FLR/WLM but as the paradigm shift occurs it should become an outward expression of her dominance rather than the foundation or means of her authority. Her power and control should no longer be based on role play and will not be contained to the confines of the relationship. As her confidence grows so will her dominant presence. Her life perspective will change as she realizes that as part of the paradigm shift, she is no longer the property of her husband but rather he has become her property. Seemingly a minor play on words but very powerful when acknowledged in the contents of marriage.
I often find that I have a deeper perspective into the principles of dominance and submission and tend to overthink the subject. I am truly intrigued by the WLM/FLR lifestyle and the amazing positive effects it can have on a relationship . I am certain my comments will be met with question especially from a pragmatic perspective. I hope to provoke positive thought and conversation that will motivate women to boldly approach the paradigm shift with the knowledge that what has already began cannot be undone.This is very heart felt subject and one that my wife and I have experienced. She has approached the paradigm shift many times over the years only to retreat back to the perceived security of a traditional relationship. Over time ,the reality, truth and happiness become hard to deny and we find ourselves adapting to the principles of a WLM once again. It is my hope that someday we can mature and finally reach the other side. Either way, she is my only love and if we reach this goal it will be together.