Evan H

 1. Who am I (name, sex, approx. age, where you live)

Evan Holly
Male, late 40s, Texas

2. My position in the relationship (submissive, dominant, or switch? If switch, do you favor one over the other?

Our dating relationship started off balanced and involved play that would last a few days with switching of roles. Over ten years of marriage, I've evolved almost exclusively into being a 24/7 submissive husband (with exceptions for vacation travel to my parents).

3. What is your current marriage status and WLM/FLR situation (Married and in a WLM, not married and in a FLR, not married but seeking a FLR, etc.)? What is status of your WLM (Beginners, Mature, Somewhere in the middle)

Married and in a WLM for over 10 years

4.  When did you first discover your submissive/dominant desires?

Prior to age 30 I mostly had fantasies about finding a submissive woman, and was fascinated by the idea of domestic submission revolving around chores and traditional gender roles. However, even back then I do remember a certain sense of jealousy for the submissive role. Around age 30 I met an attractive woman who wanted to be dominant toward me and I reluctantly started playing along in hopes she'd date me, even though I thought submissive men were weird and unappealing. Once we started doing teasing/denial and other orgasm control activities and I started going for more than a few days without sexual release, I found my assumptions about gender roles were becoming a lot more flexible than they were before...

5.  Describe how WLM/FLR was introduced into your relationship? Explain your experiences of how you went from discovering submission/domination up to the point of being in a WLM/FLR?

My wife was someone I had known for most of my life, but never wanted to date her because she was "too bossy". Once I started regarding dating a dominant woman as something within the realm of possibility, everything else came pretty naturally and our friendship became a dating relationship with intense sexual energy. She was an amazing and effortless dominant partner (that's literally who she is all the time), and I just had to slowly get used to taking orders and being more compliant. The only hard part was learning to obey even when I wasn't in the mood.

6.  Describe your current WLM/FLR situation
    a.       Chores

My wife generally does "creative" tasks (like planning parties or cooking big fancy dinners), and I tend to get "menial" tasks (cleaning, laundry, and the usual "boy jobs" like trash and yard work). My wife doesn't have a job but since Covid started we're been homeschooling, so that takes up most of her morning. After that she relaxes, and I come home and serve her, or do housework while she goes out with her friends.

    b.       Finances/Money

I know quite a bit more about financial decisions and handle things like investments and major expenses. She generally does day-to-day expenses and holds our cash and credit card. I'm allowed to ask to use the credit card when I need it, as long as I put it back in her purse. If she's going away for a few days, she'll leave me some cash until she gets back. I'm very reluctant to spend money as a rule, so I don't really need to be restricted or controlled.

    c.       Rules/Protocols

She requires me to come whenever called. If we're alone, she'll refer to me as "slave". If we have guests or the children are around, she'll clear her throat (*ahem*) and I'm expected to drop what I'm doing and run to her. She'll typically give me a specific task, and once I'm done she'll let me go back to what I was doing.

Early in the marriage I was often kept nearly naked (despite not being much to look at!), but with children in the house this has been downgraded to a rule that I ought to take off my shoes and socks whenever I enter the house.

    d.       Punishment and Discipline

This is infrequent, but more often threatened in a teasing way that keeps me nervous for weeks on end. Then every couple months, she'll send me into her walk-in closet (the most sound-proof location in the house), and scold me for accumulated misbehavior while giving me some portion of the punishments she's promised with a riding crop. Usually I'll have accumulated hundreds of strokes, but she'll stop at 40-50 when she sees how much I'm suffering and how penitent I am. She always likes to hold some of the promised punishment in reserve, to motivate me to please her and reduce the number (which happens, but very rarely).

For the last five years or so, she's been requiring me to give myself a pedicure at the same time that I'm doing hers. If I've been good, this will be a neutral color that's less embarrassing. If I've been poorly behaved or disrespectful, she'll make me wear a more visible or feminine color. If I've been extra bad, I'll get a partial manicure in a similarly garish color. Since I'll be stuck with it for over a month and she loves contriving to have me embarrassed in front of her friends when they come over, I'm strongly motivated to be respectful.

She also loves offering me two (equally unpleasant) punishment options, to figure out which one I hate more.

    e.       Chastity/Orgasm Control

I'm in very strict chastity and wear a permanent cage. My schedule started off every week or two, but was gradually reduced to once a month, then a few times a year. For the last three years I've not been allowed any orgasms and she regards our sex life as being exclusively limited to having me give oral sex a few times a month. She has suggested that she might reconsider my "retirement" at some point in the future after she's done with menopause (which could be anywhere from a year or a decade in the future). We agree with religious traditions that emphasize that male sexuality is properly directed toward procreation, and I admire the standard that says that otherwise men should practice retention as a spiritual discipline -- although this is a difficult discipline to endure and took me a while to accept as possible for me. Noble as an ideal, but terrifying to put into practice!

I'm not allowed to complain about this at all, and any attempt to escape from chastity triggers a "reconsidering the relationship" talk where she tells me that she only wants me as a submissive husband if I'm willing to accept this part of the relationship. Two and a half years ago I found the key and had some illicit orgasms involving porn, and it took some painful conversations about repentance and forgiveness before she trusted me enough to give me a physical punishment (sleeping on the hardwood floor at the foot of the bed for a few days) and let things go back to normal. Since then I've accepted that she wants me in permanent chastity as a condition for continuing in a WLM, and I've been *very* good since then. I'm sure that her unhappiness with my cheating and lying to her is part of the reason why I'm being treated this strictly.

She uses a prostate massage technique every couple months "for my health", which I generally don't like at all and try to avoid if possible!

    f.        Rituals, Protocols, routines

I sleep naked and double-collared (metal ring and leather). I generally wake up first unless I am really tired (the cage is tiny and really uncomfortable!) and spend some time kissing my wife all over her body, starting from her feet. She usually wakes up gradually as I do this, so it functions as an alternative to an alarm clock! I have to be asked to be released from the leather collar, and I go on wearing the metal collar under a dress shirt. I also need to ask for permission before getting dressed. I also need to ask permission again before covering my feet when I leave the house, usually whispered discreetly in her ear. All of these requests follow a fixed verbal formula that I've repeated every day for years ("Mistress, may I please...")

I always make coffee for her. On weekends, or if time permits, also breakfast. Then I spend the day at work while she stays home. When I get home she usually gives me a few things to do (like feeding the children or cleaning the kitchen) and she retreats to the study to read, chat with friends online, or do puzzles. Some nights she'll have a big party with lots of friends over, and I try to stay out of the way and hope that she doesn't tease me in front of them!

    g.       Fetishes or kinks

Aside from specific things mentioned above, she's pretty averse to anything in this category. She's very into the "obedience and service" side, but easily disturbed by anything that seems like it's too kinky. She particularly dislikes anything that involves feminization or cross-dressing, and hates anything that seems like a practice that came from pornography or a fetish community. (Well, for unknown reasons, aside from the pedicures/manicures mentioned above.)

7.       How public is your WLM/FLR – do others know about it? How do you act in public?

Most of her close friends know that she's the dominant person in the household. If they look like they feel sorry for me when she says something that obviously embarrasses me, she'll tell them not to worry and that "I enjoy serving her". We don't disclose anything more explicit than that, though I doubt it's hard to guess.

Her own family knows her well enough that, even though she probably doesn't tell them much, they can pretty much figure it on their own. Plenty of jokes from her parents and siblings about how she's assertive and super-dominant. (E.g. her brother saying "I just spent the afternoon with her and I can still feel the whip marks on my back.")

8.       Do you have kids in the house? If yes, what age group (infant, toddler, teenager, adult)

Two daughters, later elementary.

9.       Describe how the WLM/FLR works with kids in the house

Occasionally they are mortified by the way that my wife teases and scolds me, and they usually wrinkle their noses if my toes have just turned a terrible shade of pink. They also seem to have figured out that I get occasional spankings, despite our best attempts to conceal this. Usually they are discreet and don't talk about us doing "married people stuff", but occasionally one of them will say something really inappropriate and we will be mortified and hope it wasn't noticed. (Older daughter in church this week, loud enough for the people in the front pew to hear: "You should pierce Daddy's ears, so that you can torture him more", as I desperately try to shush her!)

Mostly they seem to realize that we really love one another, and this "bossy-wife teasing-game" that we play is something secret and fun that married people are allowed to do. We try to teach them that a good husband will serve his wife joyfully and without complaint, and to value any man they will find who will treat his wife like that.

10.   What are some of the challenges you face in your WLM/FLR?

We have very few challenges at this point, with most of the difficulties worked out. The biggest challenge is usually late in the evening, when I'm not in the mood. Sometimes that's the time she wants some intimate bedroom attention, and I'm just exhausted and wish I could go to sleep. Inevitably this ends with her becoming nicely relaxed, and me getting all worked up so that I'm unable to fall asleep! (She just laughs at me and says something like "Didn't you just say you were tired?")

I would love to find more real couples in "mostly vanilla" female-dominant relationships to be friends with, rather than the endless string of anonymous websites that feel like outrageous sexual fantasies (though I do understand their appeal also!)

I would also say that being very active in a church has been tricky, since male-dominance is normative in Christian tradition. We have to tone things down around our church friends a lot more.

11.   What things do you like the most about your WLM/FLR?

During the period when we were dating, and into the early years of our marriage, we had numerous conflicts. Over time I noticed that whenever I invested in being very submissive, all those conflicts went away. At this point our marriage is perfectly harmonious and absolutely crackles with constant sexual energy. It's very hard to ignore how well this model of marriage works at "keeping the spark" and resolving virtually all conflict. My wife *loves* being constantly served and her mood will immediately improve whenever I fetch something for her and play up my obedience in an exaggerated way that shows that I enjoy her teasing and ordering me around ("Yes, Mistress!").

12.   How have things evolved or changed with you and as a couple in your WLM/FLR over time since starting the WLM/FLR? How does this compare to how you were prior to the WLM/FLR?

Worlds better. Instead of constantly complaining about what I wish I could have, I've learned to accept my role with joy and humility. Earlier, she would try to accommodate me by giving me what I thought I wanted, but eventually she figured out that what I really wanted was to be forced to do whatever *she* wanted.

13.   If there were one or two things you could change about your WLM/FLR or one or two new things you would like to try, what would they be?

I think my marriage is just about perfect. I do have a confusing relationship to chastity, where I'm forced to recognize how helpful it's been at changing my selfish attitude but also wish that I could somehow both be submissive and also get more sex! But I recognize that we've tried that in the past and it hasn't worked out well, so I've accepted that my role for this stage of life is to take pleasure in giving service and seeing my wife pleased by me.

14.   Do you have any advice for others who are starting out in a WLM/FLR?

If you aren't religious you can just ignore this answer, but... I found that prayer was a vitally important part of changing my way of thinking. Once I started asking God to make me a more obedient husband, it started happening to me almost as if it was beyond my control. The feeling like it was a spiritual process made it feel much more real, as opposed to just a make-believe game I was acting out. I like to think that enthusiastically embracing the submissive role in a marriage is a way to make it "Christmas every day" for another person, giving the gift of myself. If you think about the real story of Christmas -- the Nativity as being the pouring out of a life in total humility to serve others -- then submissiveness feels like a noble identity instead of a silly one.

Once you understand that, the fun sexy stuff is just icing on the cake.

15.   Is there anything else you would like to share?

I really love my marriage, and think it's the best thing in the world, as unconventional as it is. I was always afraid I would be a hard person to live with and might end up failing in marriage, and instead my identity as a spouse -- belonging to my wife and being kept as her personal treasure -- has been amazingly powerful to the point where it's the most stable and rewarding part of my life.