The ruined orgasm is a very useful tool for the dominant wife. If you are not familiar with a ruined orgasm, it is when all pleasure or pressure is removed from a guy's cock as soon as he starts to orgasm or just before his orgasm starts but after the point of no return. The simplest example is when a wife strokes her husbands cock and stops stroking as soon as he starts to orgasm. The result is that he orgasms without any pressure around his cock and therefore after the initial burst of pleasure, all pleasure disappears even though he is cumming. He is basically robbed of having a full-blown orgasm.
So the bad part of the ruined orgasm (RO) is that he is robbed of his pleasure and that can be very frustrating for him. That's the only bad thing I can think of. There are many 'Good' attributes of the RO for a submissive man. First, many men will remain erect after the RO or they will be able to become erect shortly after the RO. This allows the wife to continue to have fun with his cock. Second, most men will remain horny after the RO, thus avoiding "sub-drop" or drastically shortening the length of sub-drop. Sub-drop is the drained feeling that men get after an orgasm. It's like all their energy is sapped away and they become uninterested in sex, cuddling, or being with the wife. This drop occurs with most men, not just submissive men. However, in the FLR community it is referred to as sub-drop. For submissives, a real negative aspect of sub-drop is that they lose interest in being submissive to their partner and may become miserable or disobedient if she demands something of him. Sub-drop can last anywhere from a few hours to several days, depending on the person. When a man experiences a RO, usually there is either no drop or the drop period is very short. Therefore, he remains in a submissive and obedient mindset after RO.
Finally, another benefit of RO is that when it is purposely done by the wife, it is a direct form of control, and experiencing that control is exciting for submissives. As frustrating as the RO is for the guy, it also is exciting for him to be controlled like that. I recently gave my husband a RO after he had been denied orgasm for 9+ months. He had no idea it was coming I was teasing his cock at the same time he was pleasuring me with his fingers. As my orgasm came closer, I stroked harder and when he begged for orgasm, I said "yes", which was a surprise for him because he always expects a "no". It took a second to register in his mind and then he got excited an pumped his cock hard into my hand. As soon as I knew his orgasm was starting I released his cock. My orgasm subsequently started. It was very humorous as he humped the air and moaned while he continued pleasuring me and bringing me to orgasm. When all was said and done, he sat across from me, still hard and a bit flustered. "What happened," he asked. I giggled and said, "Did you like that?" He was still trying to make sense of it. Then he asked, "you did that on purpose?" When I said yes, I think his cock twitched and grew harder. I think he was more horny afterward than before. lol!
ROs have also been used as punishments. If he has been disobedient, then his next orgasm will be a RO. On the flip side ROs can add spice and mystery to the WLM. There are many fun ways to incorporate it into your sex life. As described above, the surprise RO can be a lot of fun. However, a planned RO can be an exciting activity for both husband and wife. An example is the wife announces that she is going to allow a ruined orgasm. Then she strokes him until he starts to cum. As soon as he starts to cum she lets go of his cock. Of course it's even more fun if the wife does some teasing before the RO. There are many fun variations of this technique that can be experimented with:
- During the teasing, require him to ask for permission to cum each time he is about to cum. Give him a few 'no's before you finally say 'yes'.
- Tease him ever so slowly holding him on edge as long as you can, until he finally can't control himself and he orgasms.
- Give him a count down to cum. Try letting go when you get to 2 and see if he can still cum at 1. The most torturous RO is when the pleasure stops before the orgasm starts but after he is past the point of no return. It is quite fun to watch his cock twitch on its own and then see a dribble of cum spill out or a small spurt.
The last approach that I'll share, is one that I stumbled across by accident and is a real mind fuck for him. It requires cooperation from him and strong will power. I discovered it when we were having sex. My husband has gotten good at holding back his orgasm during sex so that I can orgasm without him having an orgasm (and this is a mind fuck for him in itself). However, sometimes it is difficult for him and I have to stop a few times to let him calm down. One time when he asked to stop, I was on the verge of orgasm and could not stop. I told him I didn't want him to cum and to not move and hold back as best he could. As always, I was on top and so I did not need him to move. He remained stiff as a board as my orgasm hit and I rode him hard. He was concentrating so hard but he could not hold back the orgasm. However, even when he started to ejaculate, he remained still and tried to suppress his orgasm. It was a powerful orgasm for me, but he missed all the pleasure because he was so focused on not cumming. It was a different type of RO because after his orgasm started, his cock was still engulfed by me. In fact I was having an orgasm at the same time so all the physical pleasures were present as he suppressed his orgasm. When I think about it, it was pretty amazing that he was able to remain still.
A few days afterward, my husband confessed to me that ever since he experienced the RO during sex, he had a very strong desire to have sex with me again. Not only was it a desire for sex, but it was a desire to thrust into me during sex. Well if you are a follower of my blog, you know that is problematic. First, it is rare that I even allow him the privilege of having his cock in me. Second, I am on top and in control whenever we have sex and he is not allowed to thrust into me, unless I order him to.in order to give me pleasure. Lastly, it is even more rare that he is allowed to orgasm during sex. Unfortunately for him the RO was his rare moment and it was not going to happen again anytime soon. I have to say it was really nice to be lusted after for several days :). I guess his mind and body knew it should have experienced orgasmic pleasure and it wanted a "re-do." Lol! It seemed that this type of RO had a stronger physical and mental effect on him than the RO where all pleasure was removed.
So there you have it ladies. If you want to really blow your guy's mind, have him promise to surpress his orgasm no matter what and then have fun trying to give him the best orgasm ever! As I said above, this will only work if he is committed to following your orders.
So tell me guys, would you rather be denied for a year or have a few ruined orgasms during the year?
-Mz Kaylee
Why does he almost never want to have sex with you?
ReplyDeleteStrange, I’ve been following this blog for about 5 years and have never understood that to be the case. Not sure where you’ve got that understanding from.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this post Mz KayIee I have enjoyed your blog for sometime. Plan to show my wife this entry. Wish me luck!
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautifully written blog Mz Kaylee. All of this is just so true.
ReplyDelete"So tell me guys, would you rather be denied for a year or have a few ruined orgasms during the year?" It may not be a year but is sometimes close. In our 12+ year WLM, I have actually come to prefer a ruined orgasm over a full-on orgasm, for the very reasons you mentioned in your piece. Ruined orgasms are the highly underrated, unsung heroes of FLR/WLM.
Few RO easy choice for me.
DeleteI'm right there with buddy!
DeleteI really enjoy ruined orgasms, they make the full on orgasms even better.
ReplyDeleteI now only receive ROs and very infrequently. I find it hard to remember what a FO was like but I’m not complaining.
ReplyDeletesw
I am not familiar with the FLR items. I am wondering what is the huge fascination with Orgasm Denial/Chastity Cages? I am not trying to be disrespectful, but I have a hard time understanding how a man willingly wants to do this (I am among those who would balk at this if presented with this at this time). GTW
ReplyDeleteSpeaking for myself, the most intense pleasure is felt the moment BEFORE orgasm. Teasing, denial, RO, and chastity allow me to spend more time in that state. My wife enjoys giving me that pleasure and she enjoys the more attentive husband she gets in return.
DeleteAF
To me, chastity is about "respect." The fact that I will endure so much sexual frustration simply because my mistress does not allow me orgasms shows that I respect her decisions and fully accept her authority. Understandably, those who never tried chastity do not understand what's so fascinating about it. Indeed its very nature is paradoxical. I enjoy chastity so much precisely because it is sexually frustrating. If it were easy to endure chastity, I would not enjoy it. For it would not function as a sign that I respect her authority anymore. Only because it is so hard that it can demonstrate how much I love and respect my mistress.
DeleteJack
I think to truly understand the fascination with Orgasm denial/ chastity cages, you need to experience the practice.
ReplyDeleteTake away the FLR aspect of the practice, I can think of a couple of examples in the, “Vanilla World,” that may help you understand orgasm denial.
Think of major sports stars, that have stated that abstinence before important contests is a integral part of their preparations.
Also , think of Tantric sex where mindfulness and putting off orgasm to the last possible moment is central to practice.
I’m sure there are many other examples in the ,Vanilla World,” where orgasm control had positive results. For me, submission to my Mistress / Wife is where I get the strength to endure chastity and much, much more.
Scott
Scott, nice job!
ReplyDeleteMz Kaylee, have you considered having him ruin it himself? -EB
ReplyDeleteIt's always a possibility. However, these days his orgasms are very rare so I don't usually do ruined orgasms.
DeleteNot a possibility for me! I don't have a chance of ruining it myself, even with the best intentions. Once I get close I MUST finish! My brain cannot override my hand in those last few seconds. Luckily my wife will not allow me to even try anymore. And Mz Kaylee, I would much rather have a few ruined orgasms over the year than one full orgasm for the year. In fact,I would much rather have even just 2 ruined orgasms over one full one for the year. But for us, there are diminishing returns for her after about 6-8 weeks tops – I need one or the other. – ZG
DeleteGuys, when you are an old man with diabetes and you can only get an erection and orgasm with expensive medication you might regret having orgasm denial and chastity cages. Its not fun paying for the medication and it can be inconvenient to shoot the needle in your penis. An older guy.
ReplyDeleteExcellent advice especially regarding chastity cages. Who knows what kind of damage they can do in the long term. I doubt these guys will take your advice. You never know what you got until it’s gone.
DeleteOrgasm denial involves intense sexual pleasure and teasing and it does not mean you never get orgasm. Orgasms are over in seconds whereas OD has a long lingering effect. Most guys involved with OD will tell you that OD is even better than an orgasm. My husband will choose denial over orgasm on most days. You don't know what you are missing unless you give it a try :)
Delete"Most guys involved with OD will tell you that OD is even better than an orgasm. My husband will choose denial over orgasm on most days. You don't know what you are missing unless you give it a try :)"
DeleteShe's 100 percent right!!!!
I can relate to that. Ive been in chastity for 2 years now, and its been over 3 months since my last orgasm (but not emission). What i find is that arousal now makes my urethra and internal tubes dilate, which gives a less intense, but more prolonged and deeper physical and psychological pleasure than ejaculation. I actually think we need to change our language a little to separate male orgasm from ejaculation, i believe the two are separate.
DeleteThanks to those of you who responded to the question in the post :)
ReplyDeleteScott is right on. You need to experience it to understand. It is a different type of pleasure. I challenge you to give it a try!! If you have a wife or girlfriend, I am sure she will be happy to experiment with orgasm denial with you. If you are single, you can try it yourself simply by teasing yourself to the edge of orgasm over and over again a few times and then stopping (are you strong enough to handle it?). Then wait at least 24 hours before you have an orgasm. But don't stop there. Try it again and see if you can go 2 - 3 days without an orgasm after teasing yourself. So do this at least 3 times over the course of a month and then decide for yourself whether you like it or not. Be sure to report back on your results.
ReplyDeleteMzKaylee, there’s a tip I would like to give the single guys that follow though with the steps you’ve laid out, if you’re laying in bed on your back when you do finally ejaculate, have towel or something covering your face….that is unless you’re into receiving facials. Lol have fun!
DeleteScott
Mz Kaylee , I am in a TPE and I have been for a long time , my wife decided that if we were going to going be in an FLR marriage that we had to go all the way or they would be no marriage , so when she told me that I immediately agreed so we really graduated quickly from a playtime sex thing to well let’s say I went from her boyfriend to her property in s flash, my wife feels it’s much better this way and well I do too of course I really have no say in the matter, now my wife believes that a man should have a great orgasm like she always enjoys, my problem is the man who gets the great orgasm is her lover Master Micheal who cums in my wife all the time I clean her afterward and sometimes I clean him , but my orgasm is always ruined well o rare occasions maybe once or twice a year I get a real orgasm I don’t have any idea when and so times I won’t get one for a year or longer , I feel it makes me love her more I know she has the power to give me that great orgasm and I work real hard for her but it’s always a ruined orgasm and of course I eat my own cum , I learned that great sexual orgasms only for my superiors that’s the law I live by slave cc
Deleteslave cc, what is a "TPE?"
DeleteTPE is total power exchange I’m sorry I should have wrote it out, you give up all your rights in the relationship I get no safe words i own no property my salary from work goes direct deposit to my Mistress/ wife’s account I have no access to it ,in a TPE you give up all your rights to your owner you become her property your as close to a slave in your marriage or relation ship as possible , most people on these sites are just playing fun sex games and that’s fine nothing wrong with that but when you opt for a TPE your a bit more serious about female superiority it’s definitely a lifestyle It moves beyond sexy play games when your in TPE you live those sexy play games in a way and it’s strictly for your owners pleasure it’s all about what she wants , now my Mistress/ wife vows to always own me so in a way she makes a commitment to me so I always have a place at her feet as long as I completely obedient to her and I made my total commitment to her, really her outside lovers are for her pleasure and my wife plays house a little bit with her lover but she could never really live like a traditional wife lol my wife is very dominant she’s always has to have things her way and she must be obeyed so if I give myself to her I’m able to ensure my place With her and that’s very important to both of us we both win-in the end, slave ,,cc
DeleteMy wife has many ways of controlling me, but orgasm denial isn't usually one of them. That being said, I have been required to give myself ruined orgasms on a few occasions, much to her delight. Most recently, I was told to strip down to my panties and to bring a towel to the living room. Because she often enjoys watching me masturbate, I assumed that's what was about to happen. Instead, as soon as she told me to pull down my panties and start jerking off, she told me that, while I would be allowed to cum, it was to be a ruined orgasm...."Keep stroking!!".... and if I was a good boy, and did as I was told, I'd get to pick out some new panties, but if I didn't ruin it, I'd have to wear my punishment panties for several days, washing them each night by hand. It was VERY difficult, but as soon as I felt the orgasm start, I put my hands behind my back and she laughed and laughed as I was bucking, my cock trying to find SOME stimulation, but to no avail. Of course, I shot all over the towel and I wasn't allowed to touch my penis for several minutes. Exciting, humiliating, and what a thrill to please her.
ReplyDeleteOh, and my new panties were SO pretty!
robert, a submissive husband
That was nice Robert your very lucky submissive sissy well your wearing panties so I guess there is some feminization involved well nice comment any way ,,slave cc
DeleteWhile I'm not a full-time sissy, I am required to be in panties and occasionally a bra. It's to remind me of my submission, but I've learned to appreciate pretty panties! My punishment panties are ruffled panties, like you might see under a skirt of a square dancer.
DeleteI love it Robert. Sounds like great fun. Fantastic idea that your reward for ruining your orgasm is to pick out new panties. Your wife is controlling you in the moment and your reward is a further reminder of your submission to her. So delightful!.
DeleteI love it Robert. Sounds like great fun. Fantastic idea that your reward for ruining your orgasm is to pick out new panties. Your wife is controlling you in the moment and your reward is a further reminder of your submission to her. So delightful!.
DeleteHi Mz. Kaylee. My wife and I live in England and have been avid readers of your blog ever since we discovered it a couple of years ago. Our FLR has progressed, as in sure lots have, from being a fun addition to our sex life to a full time lifestyle. I am locked in a small, metal chastity cage and I am required to wear my wife's dirty knickers from the day before instead of boxers. I can't remember the last time I wore male underwear! Firstly, I just wanted to thank you for such a thoughtful, sensible and insightful blog; we always look forward to reading your next entry. I have been meaning to contribute for some time, and your ruined orgasm question has finally prompted me to do so. I very rarely have any orgasms nowadays, whereas my wife has plenty, just the way it should be! When I am allowed, it is usually a ruined orgasm and I now much prefer these for a couple of reasons. First and foremost, it's humiliating to obey my wife (and therefore exciting and amazing) particularly when she makes me ruin my own orgasm. This is normally done over her body or her feet and I am then required to lick her clean. The second reason for preferring ruined orgasms is that I lose none of my submissiveness; I am still in exactly the same state of mind, willing to do anything my wife demands and also able to maintain my erection and continue to obey her wishes. This is amazing for both of us, compared to the rare occasion I am allowed a full orgasm, which is mind blowing for a few seconds, but then I lose my desire to submit for a day or so. We are both happier with ruined orgasms, therefore. I stay in a state of extreme submissiveness and frustration and give my wife all the attention she deserves, and my wife gets a willing slave who desires nothing other than to obey her every command. Thank you again for your wonderful blog. I hope my contribution helps! xx
ReplyDeleteStephen, nice to read your sharing. I am also a submissive and occasionally use chastity device. I often found it difficult to use in office and not get used to it in the public place. Do any other submissive face the similar problem ? How long do you guys get used to wearing the chastity for prolonged usage? Look forward for your sharing. Thank you
DeleteI wear my chastity cage full time now. It is only removed when my wife wants access to my dick. We tried many devices before we found one comfortable enough for continuous wear. Metal seems to be the most hygienic material and the fact that the cage is tiny is not only frustrating and humiliating, but it is also far more comfortable for long term wear.
DeleteThanks Stephen for sharing your experience with ruined orgasms and for the positive comments. Glad to hear your wife and you are progressing along in the lifestyle. Which chastity device do you end up landing on?
DeleteStephen, we were in a similiar situation. I am also 24/7 caged now and it was only made possible by the discovery of my current stainless steel cage, which is far more comfortable. More importantly it is EASY to keep clean while still wearing. The other cages (resin/plastic) would get pretty gross pretty quickly and my Mistress Wife simply didn't want to have to constantly deal with that. The cage I have is a Mature Metal JailBird
DeleteMz. Kaylee, this is the chastity cage I wear constantly now. As sub hub states, quite apart from the comfort and aesthetics, it was so difficult to keep any of the plastic cages clean. Also, this cage has an integral lock which is much more practical and comfortable than a separate padlock, although my wife did prefer the look of the padlock. https://lockthecock.co.uk/collections/metal-male-chastity-devices/products/the-13th-metal-chastity-device
DeleteYikes Stephen, that's a nubby little fella huh? Is it comfortable?
DeleteWithout being too graphic, having everything squished in really tightly is actually more comfortable than any of the other cages that we've tried, all of which allowed for a bit more room. My wife also likes the fact that it does not allow me to have anything close to a proper erection.
DeleteHow long do you usually go now with not letting him orgasm nowadays? 9 months the new record?
ReplyDeleteI’m in The Holy Trainer it is made with a medical grade natural resin with no petroleum. It comes in 5 different sizes from large to their nub. My wife has me switch out from standard ,medium, small to the nub depending on her mood. I’m in it 24/7 unless for cleaning or if she wants to play or torment me. Very comfortable. sw
ReplyDeleteIve been in chastity for 2 years now, and its been over 3 months since my last orgasm (but not emission). What i find is that arousal now makes my urethra and internal tubes dilate, which gives a less intense, but more prolonged and deeper physical and psychological pleasure than ejaculation. I actually think we need to change our language a little to separate male orgasm from ejaculation, i believe the two are separate.
ReplyDeleteDear Ms. Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteThe preference is denial. It has a good effect on me.
A poet
Ms. K- thank you for a stimulating (ha) post. My Wife and I don’t practice chastity for me, but She has cut way, way back on times She will let me have sexual play.
ReplyDeleteWhen we do, often She doesn’t want to be bothered by me, but recognizes I’ve done some good things, and may deserve a treat. So She’ll tell me to march upstairs and strip to my panties (daily wear now). I’ll be over Her knee for a while. Then She’ll have me get up, and lightly stroke me though nylon panty until I’m totally helpless and wanting to cum. She can watch my knees weaken, my helpless thrusting a bit forward into her hand, and my facial expressions.. all pretty pathetic honestly in ny part, but nothing new any more. :). As I’m near cunning, she will stop…typically before a ruined O, but sometimes right at that moment! She’ll smile as she sees my panty twitch, and small spurts of cum appear. How She enjoys that! But most times, She stops sooner, and tells me to finish myself by stroking in the panty in front of Her. She’ll rarely give instructions at this point, but “enjoys the show.” At the last minute, She will pull my hand away to semi-ruin my pleasure. Honestly, what’s worse are the times She just gets up and walks back downstairs before I’m done… rather devastating, even if I get a full cum.
SaraE
Re unsuccessfully holding back, that’s a favorite game of my wife’s as part supervised masturbation: She won’t let me stop stroking and she won’t give me permission to cum. I wind up pleading with her to let me stop, and the aftermath of ejaculation is much like an RO. While she’s usually sympathetic and understanding, she expects my profuse apology too.
ReplyDeleteEB
"She won’t let me stop stroking and she won’t give me permission to cum."
DeleteSame in my house. My wife will do this as a reason to spank me ... as if she ever needs a reason.
Ouch! She holds me and says that she knows I tried. For her, the fun comes in getting me all turned around and not knowing which way is up.
DeleteEB
I've never done anything like this, but I can immediately understand the appeal. The appeal of chastity is avoiding the hormone swings associated with recovery after orgasm. This offers a way to still get some amount of temporary pleasure, though still no satisfaction and release.
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting to compare this with prostate milking, which is roughly the inverse -- skipping directly to the hormone release at the end, without any erection, thrusting, penetration (by the male!), or pleasure from tactile stimulation. I think prostate orgasms are still somewhat less satiating than a full orgasm, so they serve some of the same purpose.
I suspect it would be most interesting to have an unpredictable mix of all three over the course of a year. Alas, my wife doesn't seem keen to take off the cage any time soon.
In our freshly started femdom relationship orgasm control
ReplyDeleteMz Kaylee thanks for having elaborative discussion
ReplyDeleteMy wife who is new to flr now controls my ejaculation. I have to take her permission everytime I wants to ejaculate. If she is in good mood and I obeyed her during the day she gives it but it has to be done only in her presence probably licking her asshole or feet.i m licking her asshole very regularly and it's Centerpoint of our relationship and my place in front of her.Although initially she wasn't sure of it but now she wants quite often.more I lick more I become her submissive and now she feels very much dominant in her behavior.
Our relationship as such for far in in quite infancy state but it's picking up with in between lags due to work and kids
Last week I mistakenly ejaculated without her permission for she punished me for 1st time.she made her wear her panties just before I was leaving for my duty and for whole day I had to wear it.she made fun of me by clicking pics of me wearing her panties.after wearing them for 24 hours next day I had to wash them and iron them and to give back it to her with full respect.
Later at night she made me lick her asshole thoroughly.she asked me questions while licking her asshole like what I m doing,where I m licking,how's the taste of it to humiliate me more.