Alan

1     Who am I (name, sex, approx. age, where you live)
Alan –male

We are both in our 60’s

Northeast-US
Middleclass, retired

2. My position in the relationship (submissive, dominant, or switch? If switch, do you favor one over the other?

    Submissive

3. What is your current marriage status and WLM/FLR situation (Married and in a WLM, not married and in a FLR, not married but seeking a FLR, etc.)? What is status of your WLM (Beginners, Mature, Somewhere in the middle)

Married 39 years            

WLM- 10+ years

4.  When did you first discover your submissive/dominant desires?

My wife gradually became more sexually dominate. At the time I think we both ignored it was happening, but I was secretly enjoying it.


5.  Describe how WLM/FLR was introduced into your relationship? Explain your experiences of how you went from discovering submission/domination up to the point of being in a WLM/FLR?

         

 I came across an article on the internet about Wife Led Marriage. It hit me like a ton of bricks, this is what I want. I printed it off an asked my wife to read it. It sat it on the desk and for a couple of days it never moved. I finally told her I was going to file it away and showed her where. “If you ever want to read it this is where it is” I told her. A week or so later I looked and it was facing the opposite way, I knew she had read it. Nothing was ever said about it, so I thought well she’s not interested. In the background she was still upping the sexual dominance. One day we were discussing a very attractive woman she works with. Later I was out in the yard working and she was getting ready to leave town for the weekend. She came out and said “how do I know you won’t lie around all weekend and jerk off thinking about this woman”. I thought for a minute and said   “how about if I agree to not orgasm without asking you from now on”. Her face lit up like that was what she was angling for all the time. She pushed up on to her tip toes, kissed me on the cheek, and all most skipped to the house. My reaction was what I have done. Secretly I was excited. This I think was the point that started the ball rolling. She kind of formalized it at night a few months later on a drive home from an outing. She turned to me and said “I am willing to try this, but no whips and chains”.

6.  Describe your current WLM/FLR situation
    a.       Chores

 I do most of the housework. Other assigned jobs.

    b.       Finances/Money

 No direct access to the account. Have a debit card for gas and small purchases. Most expenses I need to ask.

 

    c.       Rules/Protocols

If I am imbibing in anything that will impair my judgment I need to gain permission and my chastity cage needs to be on and the keys delivered to her. No arguing or talking back. If I have a concern I can bring it up in a respectful manner and she will give me her decision. If I want to touch myself, I ask permission; only edging never to orgasm. This has been a rule almost from the start. This rule includes during love making. I usually wear it during sex and if I am allowed anything that night she will tell me when I can remove it. If she needs something done I am to stop what I am doing and do her job immediately. Many other mundane rules that I think are there just to remind me of my place.

    d.       Punishment and Discipline

No spankings, although she has threatened that, but I do get punished in other ways.

    e.       Chastity/Orgasm Control

 I don’t wear a chastity device 24/7, but it is a big part of the overall picture.  I don’t get orgasms all the time. I used to get almost none, but she has relaxed that lately as she said I am better trained than I used to be so that is not needed. I have been warned that if my behavior slips we will go back to the old way.

    f.        Rituals, Protocols, routines

 Hot coffee every morning and I make the bed after she gets up.

    g.       Fetishes or kinks

I guess the chastity cage, rabbit and dildo (that is much larger than me). She is not really into BDSM or anything like that.


7.       How public is your WLM/FLR – do others know about it? How do you act in public?

We have agreed to keep this between us. If we found a like minded couple we might share. Even though we don’t think it shows, we give off clues without even knowing it. Several of her friends have mentioned how well trained her husband is.

8.       Do you have kids in the house? If yes, what age group (infant, toddler, teenager, adult)

Kids have long since moved away. When they come to visit I am not submissive to her.

10.   What are some of challenges you face in your WLM/FLR?

It’s been a very long road to get here, almost 11 years now. We both wish we had started on day one. When she makes a rule I pretty much no that’s it. She almost never gives up ground after she acquires it.


11.   What things do you like the most about your WLM/FLR?

I do like the fact that we have both agreed that we are not in an equal marriage anymore. I think the things I like best are that I feel about her the way I felt when we were dating. Also you become very truthful with you wife, she doesn’t allow me to hide anything from her. I know if I do there will be a punishment.


12.   How have things evolved or changed with you and as a couple in your WLM/FLR over time since starting the WLM/FLR? How does this compare to how you were prior to the WLM/FLR?

There used to be arguments, those have stopped completely. If I disagree I can bring up my point respectfully and she will consider it, but she decides for both of us. She is less worried about bruising my male ego now; in fact I think a lot of what she does is just to keep my ego in check. She is in charge and she forces me to respect her authority. She has moved very slowly over the years. It was after I retired, nine years or so into our WLM, that she came to me out of the blue and said “I’m closing my account and everything will be transferred to yours”. She continued “I will pay all the bills, so the finances are no longer your concern, if you need something just ask and I want you to cancel your credit card”. This is by far the most dramatic step you can take in a WLM. It really took my breath away how casually she said this.

13.   If there were one or two things you could change about your WLM/FLR would they be?

I of course would like to have sex more, but this is no longer my call. I would like to try corporal punishment once.


14.   Do you have any advice for others who are starting out in a WLM/FLR?

Let it develop at its own pace. Understand that even though you think about this a lot, she probably does not. She will probably be very tentative at first. Keep her reminded that she is in charge, do things for her, and defer to her judgment. She needs as much practice being in charge as you need learning to be submissive. Keep feeding her the rope and eventually you will feel it slipping through your hands as she will be pulling it herself. I would write her a note and leave it on the desktop of her computer every week or so. Often it was just a column from one of the blogs that I found interesting.  Remember it is never too late to start. We were in our 50’s before this occurred to us. Understand there will be parts that don’t live up to you fantasy. That’s a lesson you will learn along the way.


15.   Is there anything else you what like to share?

This is the most happy and harmonious we have been in almost 40 years of marriage. Wife Led Marriage is a real eye opener. We both love it. She has molded me into the husband she always wanted and I never know from day to day which direction we will go.

This was a great chance for me to give back since all we have learned has come from people who did this before us.

Good Luck and stay safe.- Alan