AJ (1/20/22)

 1. Who am I (name, sex, approx. age, where you live)

AJ

Female, 50’s, Midwest

2. My position in the relationship (submissive, dominant, or switch? If switch, do you favor one over the other?

Wife, Head of Household

3. What is your current marriage status and WLM/FLR situation (Married and in a WLM, not married and in a FLR, not married but seeking a FLR, etc.)? What is status of your WLM (Beginners, Mature, Somewhere in the middle)

I think I would best classify myself as somewhere in between middle and mature, I guess its all relative to ones definition and where we would fit on someones bell curve. As a couple we have been very heavy into the FLR lifestyle for almost 7 years now. Prior to that we experimented with start and stops and at various levels of what might be described as FLR activity within the marriage. We have been married now for almost 26 years. We started very vanilla, played off and on with FLR themes throughout, and then we progressively took FLR from play mode into a lifestyle mode. Now its extremely integral to our relationship and defines our relationship at many levels. Our FLR exists fully in the bedroom and also pretty fully (not quite absolute) at the domestic level. We do try to keep our FLR relationship private in nature and we do very limited and controlled forays of our FLR activity in any public setting. My husband is not a doormat and I do most definitely not want a doormat child as a spouse. I value and encourage his input on most matters, but at the end of the day, I have the final word on the vast majority of household and relationship decisions (by marital consensus), and this is why I also like to title myself as the head of our household and not just the dominant partner. As a loving couple and not just an FLR couple, I do always attempt to direct my dominance in the relationship positively and with both partners long term interests in mind. A dictatorship that ignores the will of the people (in this case my beautiful husband) typically does not last long and is not what most people would describe as loving or long term. As a couple we are in this for the long haul as be both do enjoy the benefits tremendously. As result,  we are both careful to do our part to make the necessary commitments to make our FLR relationship a continued success. We evaluate where we are at periodically, make small course corrections along the way and make very sure that both husband and wife are getting what each require from the relationship. It not one way street and can never be a one way street for it to work and for us both to be happy with it. We have both been very happy in particular for the last 7 years, so we must be doing something right.

4.   When did you first discover your submissive/dominant desires?

Its been a gradual awakening and evolution for me (and for my husband). I think I always had a bit of a bossy nature about me but that originally did not exist in any type of FLR context. With almost 26 year of marriage, we made periodic sexual  forays into FLR themed activity for fun and experimentation, mostly at my husbands request. I saw that he had an itch in this area and I tried to oblige him from time to time to satisfy his needs. I did it with typical vanilla reluctance at first, but with repetition, I found myself enjoying the play more and more. I think that the key to the repetition and the increased enjoyment was my husbands conscious effort to not make it just about himself and to make sure that I was also getting my rocks off, so to speak. He recognized early on that in order to get additional rounds of play scheduled in the bedroom, he had to give me reason to do so. So kudos to him! For couples and in particular men who desire FLR in their lives I wish you would take extreme note of this. You have to make it about her as well and provide her with real incentive to begin the walk down the FLR path. Anyhow, with subsequent and repeated success with specific play activities, we would try other areas of play within the FLR arena such as spanking, light chastity, cum eating etc, etc. With each area play we found that we could both enjoy it tremendously. Gradually over time I found that I was beginning to have less and less difficulty in playing the dominant partner during these play sessions, and I also very curiously found that I was becoming to get more and more aroused sexually by being the sexual dominant. Likewise for my husband, he found that he was really agreeing with being the submissive player in our sexual games. In short we both found it increasingly hot and sexually beneficial. Over considerable time our periods of play become longer and longer and also began to reach to areas outside of the bedroom, the domestic side of the FLR relationship. My husband began to do more and more of the household tasks which originally would have been in my more traditional wifely domain, and very surprisingly with that, we both found that to be hot and sexually exciting in some weird way as well. It was a bit like falling down a rabbit hole. The more we experimented, the more we played, the more in character we stayed with it, we found that it was having unexpected and favorable spillover to our entire relationship, not just the part of the relationship which existed in the bedroom. As our level and frequency of play increased with time so did my ease and enjoyment of being the dominant partner. Similarly my husband also found that he was able to fit into the submissive role easier and easier with enjoyment and satisfaction on his end. So it definitively was a process of evolution, building off of each previous success. It was also a very conscious effort by the both of us to make sure that each of us were getting something beneficial from the play. This over time it became something we had to think about less and less at any conscious level, it just sort of began to automatically to happen as we delved further and further into FLR. We were a loving couple before FLR, and we were always a couple who tried to address the needs of the other partner from the get go and this just naturally carried over into our FLR play as well. The further we went in our marriage, especially once our kids grew up and out of the house, the more we evolved from expanded play to a full blown FLR lifestyle.

5.  Describe how WLM/FLR was introduced into your relationship? Explain your experiences of how you went from discovering submission/domination up to the point of being in a WLM/FLR?

Again it was my husband who first introduced my into FLR type activities. It was playtime type stuff. It started with his desire to be spanked occasionally. Then he wanted me to play with his orgasms - ie not allowing them and edging him along. Then periodic chastity play, then…and then….so on and so forth. It was all completely new and foreign to me and it started out as male fantasy fodder for my husband. It gradually went from existing in his mind only, to occasional sexual forays for us both, to more frequent and extended forays for us both, to greater varieties of play until we found that we were BOTH enjoying it tremendously and getting something tangible from it. It gradually evolved into a lifestyle for us both. Had my husband not had his pre-existing track record of (pre-FLR) of being a generous lover and partner, I doubt that I would have had the courage AND DESIRE to attempt to go down this path with him, however tentatively. I can’t stress this enough to any men who might be reading this. You have to make sure that you make the effort to make this about the “her” in your life, as much as possible, for any of this to work. It has to be more about her than you especially when first starting out. Without her un-bullied and active buy in, this experiment will go nowhere quick and it will at best always be a limited play time type of activity. You have to provide her with a real and beneficial reasons to take this to those higher levels - if that’s where you want to go. For many, the occasional play may be enough and satisfactory. My husband sold me on the benefits of this lifestyle through his actions. He showed me great promise and personal benefit so I took the further plunges with him. Now its cemented and a reality with us both, but it takes continued effort on his part as well as my own to ensure that it stays that way. Woman don’t want an extra baggage partner. We need a partner who will always look to our needs first and foremost, when we see that, when we experience that, than the sky can become the limit for your needs (my last commercial to the guys out there…but this really should be your number one take away men if this is truly what you want…)

6.  Describe your current WLM/FLR situation
    a.       Chores

Cooking: 75(me)/25(him) - I enjoy cooking and I am better at it…. but he is expected to give his 100% when it is his turn and opportunity.

Laundry: - all his. I am a very strict task master with this one. He has to do a very exacting job to my very particular standards - otherwise this is of no benefit to me. He has adjusted to my satisfaction over time..

Cleaning: mostly his. In time crunches and when their is some immediate obvious need I will still help him out. As a rule though, he has a very set list of cleaning chores that we both expect him to complete each week. He provides me with a nightly checklist of items accomplished so we can keep him on task.

Running to the store and errands: If its shopping which I don’t want to be doing such as groceries, its his responsibility. Its his job to make my life as easy as possible even if that means running to Walgreens for my tampons, makeup, or just whatever.

He has all of the normal “man” jobs around the house and yard and with the cars. The yard work is all his, except for some gardening which I still enjoy to do myself.

    b.       Finances/Money

This is somewhat evenly split especially for larger items and is conventional in many respects.  In money matters (not just money, all matters) I always value his input and insight. I don’t want a groveling doormat infant husband, which btw does not make my life any easier or more enjoyable. We only really differ from more conventional couples in that when there is not a clear money decision that we both agree on. In that case I have the tiebreaker opinion and vote. This is something which he has consented to and which I try not to abuse with ii-rational and one sided poor decisions. Its his job to gently and knowledgeably influence my decision making process when needed, but I make the final decision once he has done that. We’ve both been together a long time so what he wants is typically what I want as well, and vice versa, so there really isn't a whole lot of opportunity for real discord between us here. I have to say that the FLR dimension of our marriage mostly impacts any impulse buys that he might have considered. He know that it has to pass my sniff test in the end or he’s in real trouble. But I give him the latitude to make or not make those mistakes, he just needs to remember who butters his bread…. and that there may be some deep hidden costs associated with his poor spending purchases, which he may not at all like. This keeps him generally on the straight and narrow with me.

    c.       Rules/Protocols

With the kids out of the house now for a few years, this has opened up many opportunities for us to live a more outward FLR relationship as a couple. We mostly keep it in the house as our lifestyle is our own business and neither one of us are terribly interested with putting in in full public display, but their are some exceptions to that, and you'll see those areas below as you read further.

First those rules and protocols which I see as which mostly benefit me (at least at face value), but I will argue that even though these items seem to land in the “benefits only me his wife category”, they are also very much in place to cater and satisfy his end of the relationship FLR kink factor. They serve to reinforce and speak to his psychological self which needs my dominance on full real time display.

1) He is an active and the mostly owning participant of all the domestic activities within our home, as previously discussed in this profile. I kink it up for him in that frequently when he is doing these activities he is (if at home) naked, or just wearing his panties, has a plug up his butt etc. I tailor these activities to include bit of a sexual element to keep him satiated and in the right state of mind to keep the proper FLR dynamic in our relationship. Very low energy stuff for me to accomplish. He has standing “rules” on how I want him to accomplish these tasks and my active input is not needed as he self administers based on our/my pre-set guidelines. I occasionally randomize the set of rules to keep him guessing with things such as “today I want you do “X” with your clothes completely off”, or  “I want you scrubbing the kitchen floor today while wearing your crotchless panties”, or “Go put the “big red plug in add keep that in while your doing the dishes and make sure your ass is presenting outwards to me the entire time your doing them,” etc. But the end result of all of this is, that I, for the most part, and for as much or as little that I do want to participate in these activities (my discretion), I no longer have to do these mundane household chores and he does them instead. These are his domain.

2) As previously mentioned, I have the deciding opinion/vote in all of our marital decisions. This really does serve to take the stress out of my life as we eliminate many of the arguments which we might have had in our more vanilla days.

3) By established guidelines, I on Saturday evenings am to receive all of the following extra pampering activities from him, basically my weekly spa day. I obviously am free to add  or subtract from this list at my will and discretion, as well as to instruct him if I want any of this performed on other days of the week as well and in addition to Saturday’s… in no particular order….

a) A full pedicure treatment from him.

b) Having him sensuously shave and lotion all my body regions which I like to keep shaved.

c) A full body massage from him

d) Giving me a candle lit bubble bath and drying me off when I get out of the tub.

4) He is to assume that every night before bed that I will require at least one orgasm from him. Devotional oral sex from him, no penis involved. Included in that is a respectable amount of ass worship by him.

5) The toilet seat is to be left down at all times. Infractions are serious punishable offenses for him. Now that he is in full time chastity, really not an issue most of the time as he uses the toilet the same way that I would, as result,  the seat is naturally kept down. But I keep this on the list as it infuriates me to accidentally sit on a cold porcelain throne in the middle of the night.

6) He will provide me with coffee, tea and wine at the appropriate times throughout the day. It his job to learn and anticipate my needs in this department.

Next, those pre-planned activities which favor him or which I explicitly perform with his state of FLR in mind..

1) All of the items listed above in the benefits me category.

2) Frequent exhibits of tease and denial from me. Very simple stuff typically, a quick pat of his butt or crotch as I walk by, a quick grope or tug of his caged cock, a sultry “good boy” or “good girl” encouragement from me as he is performing a task to standard, unexpectedly slipping my lubed finger or fingers up his bum and giving it a few slow pumps as he stands there at our sink doing the dishes naked. Out of the blue asking him how long it has been since I last allowed him an orgasm. Asking him how his “pussy” is doing, and if he would like a fucking from me some time soon. Lotioning his caged package before bed or after I wake up. Etc, etc, etc, very low energy no effort things to keep the FLR dynamic in his head (and mine).

3) When we eat out as a couple (no family or friends present) , I do the ordering, including for him.

4) When we go to a store, I am to take lead with talking to the salesperson as well as the paying.

5) He is expected to wear panties at all times instead of underwear. In fact he has just one pair of male underwear in his wardrobe. I pick him out a pair of panties to wear every evening for the next day. That pair is totally to my discretion and mood. The one pair of male underwear he has are for showing my displeasure with him only or for doctor visits (maybe). They are very tight tidy whities and he absolutely hates the look and feel of them (he was always a strictly boxer brief man). While the panties are a love hate type of thing for him, I am very much aware that he secretly enjoys the silky caressing feel of woman’s panties on his smooth skin. I am also very much aware that he is internally distressed/confused that this is also the case. He also has a heightened fear of “discovery” on this one.

6) I expect him to shave himself daily front and back as well a his pits. This simple act of “forced feminization” is very important to our particular FLR dynamic, and definitely works its way into his sub space every day. It does not make hi any lesser of a man in my eyes, it just ratchets up what is going on his saucy head to help sustain him for the day.

7) He is in chastity 24x7. No complaining, no pouting, its just my norm for him. His erections, his orgasms, the how, the when, and the how often are strictly rationed and at my complete discretion.

8) He is expected to periodically go panty shopping with me as needed. I pick his stuff out, but he goes in the store with me etc. He does not like it when I hold them up to him and ask for his input on whether he likes them or not. He does not like carrying the “dainties” bag when were done shopping, but that is his lot in life so he accepts it. When we do this though, we will travel a bit a way from the house so we won’t bump into someone we both know. We also go at quieter times so people in the store are more minimal. It’s not really about “outing” ourselves as a FLR couple, but its mostly about some healthy and playful enforcement about who really wears the pants and panties in our relationship.

9) If he is given the gift of orgasm by me, full blown, ruined, in my butt (once a year), a leaking dribble on my feet, etc, he is always, and without any sign of defiance, required to eat up his own cum.  He is responsible for cleaning up his own mess no questions.This is also an extremely powerful tool for putting him into a deep state of sub space. I highly recommend this one to all couples.

10) Every evening I expect him to lightly douche out “his pussy” before bed, lightly perfume it, and keep it at the full ready for whenever I should desire to take it. Pegging is an occasional treat for him, about once a week, but when I get the urge to take him I expect him to be ready for me. This keeps the act pleasant for both of us as well as serves to push him into heightened sub space each night.

11) As an occasional reward for an extended period of exemplary service, I will provide him with a sensual “lighter” spanking of his beautiful little cute rear end.

    d.       Punishment and Discipline

When he severely misbehaves or disappoints me repeatedly in a certain area, I will punish him. It is not enjoyable to him. For less severe offenses it is a “to tears and beyond” belting of his butt, followed by 30 minutes of “no touch” corner time. More severe offenses involve the same treatment but over a course of 3 consecutive nights. This is a wonderful motivator for him to do better and I only have to punish him very infrequently, probably a half dozen times a year. I will admit to occasionally throwing in an “unearned” punishment spanking a few times a year. This is to keep him in the right frame of mind when I feel that he might, for whatever reason, be slipping out of his desired character and that he requires that slight attitude adjustment.

    e.       Chastity/Orgasm Control

He is in full chastity 24x7. He has a PA piercing and this was given to him to work with what is his usual full time chastity device, which is a custom made, measured Rigid Halfshell device. When he is not in his Halfshell, for whatever medical or fashion reason, he is then instead in his standard plastic device, which is either a black or white Holy Trainer Nub.

    f.        Rituals, Protocols, routines

See all of the above.

    g.       Fetishes or kinks

See all of the above.


7.       How public is your WLM/FLR – do others know about it? How do you act in public?

See all of the above I guess on this one. Were not overly public. Selective and subtle is the approach we tend to take outside of the home.

8.       Do you have kids in the house? If yes, what age group (infant, toddler, teenager, adult)

Our kids are out of the house and out of the state in college for several years now. So this is a huge enabler to our leading a more full blown FLR lifestyle as a couple.

9.       Describe how the WLM/FLR works with kids in the house

When the kids are for whatever reason present in the home, especially as was the case in their pre-college days, we don’t plaster our lifestyle in their faces. We mostly confine the more outward appearances of our FLR in that case to what is possible in the bedroom or hidden beneath clothes. They do know however that mom is “bossy”, seems to wear the pants in the family and I was therefore their go to person which they seek final permission on anything. I would be surprised if they didn’t have some sort of feeling that their Dad presents as at least slightly “pussy whipped”. But in their presence I (We) always made it a point to keep things lower key and not overtly over the top for their benefit. We didn’t want to confuse the kids or put them into any sort of awkward position. On the sexual side of things, we definitely left them totally out of the picture on our FLR practices just as we would have done with more vanilla practices. Kids are kids and they don’t need to know this side of our lives and we don’t want to traumatize them in any way :)

10.   What are some of challenges you face in your WLM/FLR?

Keeping it real, keeping it fresh and active. Its tempting at times to let things it go into cruise control mode especially when there is a lot going on. That’s where routines and protocols help out, to establish and to assist the cruise control mode when it happens. But as with any relationship and any particular flavor of relationship both vanilla and FLR, it takes continuous commitment and active participation for it to continue to flourish and to stay working and relevant. When ever one of us feels like things are slipping, we will have at least a quick touch bases chat to help put us back on track. We constantly review and go-over, add/subtract to our FLR protocols/rules to make sure we both are continuing to get what we both need from them. The lifestyle needs to adjust to changes in the environment as well as changes to our personal needs.

I wish we could be a bit more open with our FLR lifestyle in the public sense esp with family and friends. Sometimes it can get a little tiring to keep things in covert mode especially when your not used to doing that in the home. It is also such a positive lifestyle and such a wonderful lifestyle for couples to experience and live, I would like to more openly promote it at times because of that. But FLR remains on the fringes and taboo with most couples and I don’t think this would be well received in general. Too many social stigmas and to much narrow mindedness in how many people are brought up to take the risk of making things more public, so we don’t.

11.   What things do you like the most about your WLM/FLR?

That it is such a positive expanding experience for both husband and wife. We have achieved so much pleasure and so much improvement to our relationship as a result of practicing FLR. What we have today would have never have been possible had we stayed vanilla. Certainly as a wife the benefits which I have today are just amazing. Sexually I have come alive. Sexually I receive great satisfaction, and this is completely different than what I experienced in earlier pre-flr days. I have flourished as a woman and as a wife. My husband I know has found peace in finding himself totally within himself. His true submissiveness has been allowed to fully come out, without being judged, and he finds real pleasure and enjoyment in this FLR lifestyle. He is not the same man that he used to be, and I mean this with all possible positive connotations.

12.   How have things evolved or changed with you and as a couple in your WLM/FLR over time since starting the WLM/FLR? How does this compare to how you were prior to the WLM/FLR?

I think I have covered this in the areas above.

13.   If there were one or two things you could change about your WLM/FLR or one or two things new you would like to try, what would they be?

I can’t really think of anything new or different that we would like to try out or implement in our lifestyle. I feel like we both have it pretty close to where we would ideally want it. Perhaps the ability to be more open with this with a close girlfriend or something like that. I see this as such a marital enhancer that at times its difficult not to share my discoveries with her and to improve her relationship as well.

14.   Do you have any advice for others who are starting out in a WLM/FLR?

Try to be open to experimentation and change. It’s easy to stay confined into some rigid structure that upbringing and society have placed upon you. For men I think this is more easy, for many it is at least active in their fantasies. For women not so much so, or so I would expect from my own experiences. That initial suspension of disbelief to attempt to begin trying some like this is a huge step for many women. Its a huge hurdle. Men don’t make this process easier for the women in their lives by being selfish, demanding and self centered with their overall behavior - and this is before they ask their wife’s and/or girlfriends to embrace any of the FLR elements they desire in their lives. There has to be something in this for both parties, and in particular especially in the early goings, for the woman in the relationship. It has to be pretty lopsided and tilted in her favor, that’s the only way your going to initially succeed with this. When she hears and reads about FLR in the cyber world this is what she typically see’s:

1) That men who are looking to experience this are there to go into some sort of sissy or childlike fetish mode. As women, we want a strong manly partner in general. We don’t want another child. We want someone strong who will support as and protect us and care for us. Someone who will put our needs above his own.

2) This is all fantasy and temporary playtime fetish stuff. Its going to involve us wearing leather and all other kinds of ridicules sexualized clothing and attire.

3) It going to be yet another burden in the relationship placed on our shoulders. If we don’t give in and give you what you want, we will be presented with the blame in the relationship.

4) Its going to be more of the same. We give and you take. It will be lopsided in your favor not ours.

So “men”, it your job to make sure that all of the above is not what she can expect or is in the message that she receives when you sell this to her. You first need to make sure that you’re a loving caring partner in the vanilla world before you can expect her to entertain doing this for you in the FLR one. Go slowly and gently with this whole FLR business, you can’t force this upon her. Start out slow and with one or two things in play mode only and grow that into something into something which you do more often and both enjoy and get turned on by. Turn playtime once in a while things into regular play habits, and then begin to expand those items into your general lifestyle. I would begin with items which are centered on the pleasure and benefit of your wife first. Things such as those mentioned in my “spa days” comments above. Include the sexual element in there which you need and are looking for (subtly) but first it really has to be about her. This has to be your real world sell of the possibilities and benefits of FLR themed topics to her. If you fail early on, this is going nowhere. So be the man, the selfless real man and show her what this would mean in your eyes. It cant be the sniveling sissy stuff with her in leather that she is expecting. Plant that initial seed with her and cultivate the garden to make it grow!

15.   Is there anything else you what like to share?

For women reading this and “entertaining” trying FLR in their lives… Know that just like any kink or non kink activity in life, that there are many flavors and variations. What fits one persons definition is likely not to fit another persons definition. We all have different things going on in our lives and different life experiences which have shaped us. There is no one size fits all with any of this. If you choose to move ahead with FLR in any way shape or form, make it your own, not mine or that of anyone else. Do what your gut tells you is right, BUT also please have the courage to venture perhaps a little bit out of your comfort zone and entertain some of this with the man in your life. By him showing this site to you or him bringing up any of these concepts to you, it shows that this is at least somewhat important to him. Love him enough, if he has justified it, to take a gamble and give some of this a try. Make sure he is fully aware that any further forays and experimentation into these topics are on him to sell to you. You need to see the carry through from him that this will bring enjoyment and benefit to you, as well as him. If your not comfortable with this and you don’t find it enjoyable then feel free to tell him sorry but that for you this is a pass, but give it a honest try and attempt first, your relationship is worth it.

Also know that you won’t end up with a whinny sniveling something of a man if you partake in this. Your man will still be the strong man which you married or began the relationship with. Personal relationship choices may take you elsewhere, but those are I believe more on the fringe of what this needs to be or will be. This will bond you in incredible ways to your man and make your relationship so much stronger and more successful. You will end up with a man with is willing to share his inner emotions with you, no more of that hard brick wall your used to. Yes, depending on where you take this personally,  you may end up with a man who does the vast majority of the housework without constant cajoling? Is that harmful or distasteful to you? Does that make him less of a man or you less of a woman? Is it harmful for you to experience sex in such a wonderful “you” centered manner? Do as many orgasms as you desire scare you away? What is so scary about locking up his penis? Ration his ability to use it and I guarantee you will see the difference in ways that just blow you and him away. This is not one sided, believe me, he is getting everything he needs and wants and more from this lifestyle. You are not the bitch or self centered person that on face value some of this might make you seem.

Baby steps. Take it slow and easy. Find value and enjoyment in the process. If things don’t work out for whatever reason, review and adjust, or just stop. No harm and no foul done. Men allow her these baby steps and make it about her first and you second, always. That will get you where you want to go and believe me making her happy is going to result in your being extremely happy.