In a previous post, "Redirecting His Sexual Energy," I wrote about how sex for submissive men evolves into something new. Here is a quote from that post:
This concept resonated with many readers so I decided to expand on it more with this post to help my fellow Female Goddesses understand some of what drives men to submit and serve. I owe much credit to my husband for this post because I picked his brain a lot when writing this. Of course, he is my property and therefore all the credit goes to me anyway :).
Teasing and Orgasm Denial (T&D) Redefine His Sex Life
A man who has very few orgasms and very few chances at intercourse but who has an incredible and intense sexual life, makes perfect sense to me. However, when I think back to when I first learned about female domination (femdom) and wife led marriage (WLM) the idea of teasing and orgasm denial (or orgasm control) was strange to me. When my husband first confessed his desire for me to control his orgasms, it was humorous to me and I remember thinking it was strange. I immediately questioned him in a joking way by saying something like, "you mean I can forbid you from having an orgasm for two months if I want?"I totally expected him to back-pedal on his desire so it completely surprised me when he told me that if that's what I wanted, I could do it. It seemed crazy to me at the time but it sounded like fun to try. And trust me, I had a lot of fun with it the first few weeks and have never turned back since.
I soon realized that my husband wanted me to always orgasm before him and that he found it exceptionally thrilling if he gave me an orgasm while I denied him from having an orgasm. I must confess it is nice having a man completely focused on my pleasure and expecting no orgasm in return. However, deep down there was that burning question of why does he not want to orgasm with me or what is he getting out of it? Even my husband admitted that when he first learned about orgasm denial, he did not understand why guys would want to be denied orgasm. Why would a guy want to be denied the intense pleasure that he naturally craves on a daily basis?
What I've learned over the years is that there are two key reasons that submissive guys get hooked on T&D. The first is the submissive rush they get from being controlled by a female. Submissive guys enjoy being under the authority of someone else and they crave experiences in which they feel strictly controlled. When a female takes control of when and how a guy can orgasm, it brings out those deep submissive feelings and those submissive feelings generate arousal. Since guys pretty much want to masturbate every day, when their wife controls their orgasms, it means on a daily basis they are feeling her control because they are either locked in chastity or must exert self-control to refrain from masturbating to orgasm, The second reason is to experience the intense arousal and pleasure of being teased and denied orgasm. This is often a learned experience for a guy. Many guys will reject the idea of denial because they don't understand the pleasure that comes from it. Most guys have their sights set on the orgasm. However, once a guy experiences the pleasure of teasing and denial it opens up a new world of pleasure for him and after a few times many guys become hooked.
We all know that orgasms result in amazing and intense pleasure that can not be replicated by any other means. Let's face it, orgasms are great! However, for men they are short and for a lot of guys getting to the orgasm is very quick. There is a reason why "the two minute man" is a common joke. Most guys are also 'one and done.' Not only are they done after one orgasm, but they become completely checked out and disinterested in the women. So while guys love sex, it is typically a quick experience and results in him shutting down afterward.
Guys who discover T&D, learn that it leads to long lasting pleasure. There is pleasure during the teasing that ebbs and flows continuously and there is a rush of pleasure at the moment of denial. Unlike an orgasm, the rush of pleasure from denial does not suddenly drop. In fact, the guy usually has to concentrate and fight to lower the pleasure so that he does not orgasm. Riding on the edge of orgasm and being brought to the edge over and over again results in intense and long-lasting physical and mental pleasure. After denial he is still in a very heightened aroused state, which means his wife or girlfriend can still use him for her pleasure. The arousal even continues after his partner is done with him. After an intense T&D session with my husband, it will often take him over an hour to calm himself down and come off the erotic high. Even after the erotic high fades, he remains very horny for days. In those following days my dominance keeps fueling his arousal so that his horniness never completely fades away between T&D sessions.
A big difference between T&D and traditional sex with orgasm is that T&D taps deep into the guys emotions and mental state. Not only is there physical pleasure but he is mentally fucked by his partner. He enjoys the physical pleasure but he must mentally fight to not give in completely to the pleasure. This mind fuck enhances the physical pleasure while also keeping the pleasure flowing long after the wife or girlfriend is done with him. That is what makes it exciting and addictive for guys. I've heard from many guys that they are disappointed when their wife allows them an orgasm because they would rather experience the rush of pleasure from being denied and they do not want to experience the post orgasm drop.
I believe T&D is the most significant factor that changes the submissive's sex life, which is why I've dedicate a few paragraphs in this post on the topic. When a guy continues to experience T&D, he discovers that the long-lasting pleasure associated with it is a better experience than traditional sex with a short and intense orgasm. He also prefers the benefit of remaining horny and energized after denial versus experiencing the post orgasm "drop,"
Female Control and Authority Redefine His Sex Life
The next most significant factor that changes the submissive's sex life, is his craving and desire to experience female control and authority. Submissive men get aroused when they are dominated by their wife or girlfriend. The more a wife/GF embraces her dominance and applies is to her husband/BF the more submissive he becomes toward her and the more aroused he gets from it. When you combine ongoing T&D with regular dominance, it is life-changing for the guy. T&D multiplies the effects of her dominance and the arousal that the submissive experiences from it. A guy who is kept in a perpetual state of horniness by his partner, becomes easily controlled, trained, and conditioned. His mind and body thrive on the regular pleasure and therefore he begins to follow whatever path brings him more pleasure. His mind is conditioned to associate acts of dominance with pleasure and therefore, he becomes easily aroused at the littlest acts of dominance.
All I need to do is change my tone of voice to strict and authoritative and *boom* my husband gets aroused. If I correct him or question his actions, his cock will stir in his pants. He is excited to do errands for me and he becomes very submissive when doing chores. Compare this to a traditional man and a traditional marriage and this behavior is completely bizarre. How many guys do you know, that will get excited from doing errands for their wife or will take criticism without question or argument? Not many. Before our WLM, my husband would not. He was submissive then but he would not get aroused from me telling him what to do. The difference after WLM is that over time my dominance in combination with T&D changed his mindset.
A Paradigm Shift
Many submissive men who are subject to both domination and T&D on a regular basis, go through a complete paradigm shift in the way they think and in what arouses them. A paradigm shift is a fundamental change in theory or principle assumptions. A real-world historical example is the shift from thinking that the earth is flat to theory that the earth is round. When a big shift in theory occurs, suddenly people think differently and a whole new world of opportunities and discoveries exist.
The paradigm shift that occurs with the submissive sex life is that he no longer views sex as the physical act of intercourse. Achieving an orgasm is no longer the end goal when it comes to sex. Sex becomes about the pleasure he experiences through many channels. These channels includes T&D, pleasuring his wife, being controlled and dominated, being humiliated, visual (e.g. her naked body) and physical touch. Sex to him evolves to encompass many deep emotional and psychological triggers and pleasures. He can easily become fully aroused without ever being touched and he is not only satisfied by that pleasure, he is thrilled by it!
In this new sex paradigm, he seeks frequent and constant pleasure as opposed to a one and done intense orgasm. Providing oral pleasure to his wife is sex to him. Bringing her to orgasm with his tongue while he is denied, is thrilling and satisfying for him. He savors every moment between her legs and the long lasting arousal that he experiences afterward is a thrilling high for him. Commands and reprimands from his wife are like foreplay to him, that can cause his cock to stir in his pants and grow hard. This is especially true when in an aroused and submissive state-of-mind, which is the norm for a guy who is teased and denied. It's may be hard for women to comprehend, but in this new paradigm, just about every form of control and authority that is exerted, results in some form of pleasure for the submissive guy. He craves this pleasure, which means he craves your control and authority. He wants more and more of it and he can't get enough. He wants to pleasure you because that brings him pleasure. He wants to give you orgasms over and over again and your orgasms are like orgasms to him.
Think of it this way ladies, every time you command him, reprimand him, or exert any form of authority over him, you are stroking his cock with your words and actions. That is his foreplay. Whenever you are teasing his cock, sexually dominating or humiliating him, or he is pleasuring you, that is the equivalent of him having sex with you because in those moment you are fucking his mind and the mind fuck is his sex! I will end this post with the quote that I started with because it really sums it up well:
"His sexual pleasure comes from being controlled, being mentally fucked, and pleasuring and obeying her. That is his sex. It is constant arousal with a few burst of intense pleasure thrown in every now then. The submissive man does not have physical sex and orgasm as much as a man in a traditional marriage but his sex life is much better and more intense because his wife is constantly stoking his arousal and sexual energy. Most guys that experience this never want to go back to the traditional way."
-Mz Kaylee
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You nailed it, but for this male I first needed to find a woman who would lead, who would understand why such a male would accept this. I found such a woman, of all things she was the one who brought it up, told me her mother taught her this. Our sexual life she saids is very good, I meet her needs, it took sometime, but have been a very good little boy she saids with a smile. My needs of her being in charge are met, her rules. Spankings are what I was wanting, and she delivers a sound spanking, no matter who might be present, and always bare bottom. Sex and spankings do not mix, but it is because of the spankings that I'm stress free and with sex really satisfy her, it that makes sense. I learned I wanted a woman to be in charge, but also learned it would be her way, I had no voice, I wanted to be spanked, I'm spanked, hurts like hell, don't like others seeing, but that does not matter, I do as told.
ReplyDeleteDear Mz Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteYou understand so well how my submissive mind and sexuality works, and I am sure other subs will feel the same. Just two comments from my point of view.
1. Avoiding the postorgasmic drop is a very significant motivator for craving orgasm denial. Yes, I want to cum all the time, but the desire for erotic high which comes from constant arousal and horniness is so strong that I don't want to trade it for the pathetically short-lived bliss of a full blown male orgasm and a few spurts of my semen. Most of the time anyway.
2. Giving oral pleasure to my wife's pussy and anus is very much physical sex in my book so I cannot quite agree that I get less sex than in traditional relationships. I still get plenty of excellent sex. (I could always use more of course, but that's typical male I guess, there is no such thing as too much sex). I am denied the right to ejaculate in vagina, I get opportunity for vaginal or anal intercourse rarely and my orgasms are strictly controlled and rare, but my tongue explores my wife's body daily and I use vibrators and dildos to replace my penis. It's all physical sex, centered on my wife, but I enjoy it just as much and causing and witnessing her orgasms is a nearly orgasmic experience for me, just touch my dick and I can explode with no prior touching of it. And I love it and wouldn't want it any other way.
Mz Kaylee, sometimes it's as if you're looking in my window and watching my wife and me!
ReplyDeleteWith ejaculation as a rare surprise, it's as if everything else between us is sexual. Watching tv with her, talking, and doing chores are all sexual rewards to me.
Beyond that, her actual physical teasing of me (think bottle of lotion) is a boundless treat I want to go on forever, and while part of me definitely desires release, I'm usually happier after if I'm denied.
And yes, I'm acutely aware of how my body responds when she takes a dominant tone. Usually, it's about some unfinished chore on my part, or some point of disagreement.
But whatever rational arguments or ego I have on my side, they quickly get swept away in a wave of endorphins, and I just want her to win the argument, quickly, and let me go down on her!
CK
Yes! This is exactly what I experience when my partner exercises dominant behavior towards me. Even when she doesn't intend to. She usually isn't overtly dominant, and her dominance often comes out without her meaning to be consciously dominant. Sometimes she becomes impatient with something that I am saying and abruptly tells me to "hush!" Or she will be irritated with me about something and she will confront me in a quick, firm way. She isn't trying to be sexual, or playful, or deliberately playing a dominant role, but in those moments I get a rush of sexual arousal from how she asserts herself over me. I don't respond in an overtly sexual way, because I know that isn't what she is interested in at that moment. But it is very sexual for me despite other conflicting feelings, such as fear of her disapproval or anger. In fact, the combination of the fear and the sexual arousal motivates me more strongly to submit and to try to please her than sexual arousal alone.
ReplyDeleteEXCELLENT post! I am a living example of nearly everything you have expertly explained in this post. It is absolutely true:
ReplyDelete"The submissive man does not have physical sex and orgasm as much as a man in a traditional marriage but his sex life is much better and more intense because his wife is constantly stoking his arousal and sexual energy. Most guys that experience this never want to go back to the traditional way."
I am one of those guys that will actually beg my Wife to deny me an orgasm for the reasons you have stated. Knowing how wonderful the lingering and ongoing constant state of arousal is after sex, after watching her have orgasms, is, for the most part, better than the few seconds of amazing but fleeting pleasure that comes from a full orgasm.
You did not speak to ruined orgasms in this piece. I know you have n the past. Ruined orgasms for many men (like me) are a great way to feel like you've come a little closer to the ecstasy of a full-on orgasm, while not having any drop off in desire after.
"Achieving an orgasm is no longer the end goal when it comes to sex. Sex becomes about the pleasure he experiences through many channels. These channels includes T&D, pleasuring his wife, being controlled and dominated, being humiliated, visual (e.g. her naked body) and physical touch."
I agree with all of this personally (except humiliation as source of pleasure). In the end, my greatest sexual pleasure is witnessing my Mistress orgasm ... all because I have been wonderfully conditioned to genuinely feel that way.
Thank you for the excellent article.
The ruined orgasm is a nice add to this conversation. It's certainly a fun way to provide some release while still keeping the feeling of denial and avoiding the post orgasm drop.
DeleteWithout specifically mentioning T&D my wife has taken me down this road over the past 5 years, and I guess even took it to the next level by first questioning the need for a man to ever orgasm, and then choosing to deny me indefinitely in order to assure a deeper level of obedience. I know Mz Kaylee does not necessarily approve of this indefinite denial but I will say it has allowed me to experience all of the feelings she describes, as once I truly let go of my own "needs" I was and still am able to redirect all that energy and emotion to her. Do I prefer things this way? It's not up to me and honestly, if given the option to orgasm again I probably would jump at it. Part of me thinks she can sense that and is challenging me to fully abandon any notion such that I am truly "hers".
ReplyDeleteForgot to hit "notify me"
ReplyDeleteMz Kaylee
ReplyDeleteI believe this is your best post to date and should be required reading for any woman with dominant desires or interest in establishing a WLM or FLR . Applying these principles is like adding rocket fuel to the relationship . The paradigm shift may be hard for most women to understand or accept but the almost instant and incredible results will prove out the theory. It simply works and can bring balance and happiness to an otherwise dull and failing relationship. The only comment I would add , which comes from my personal experience, would be to highlight the importance of applying the principles consistently without the on / off rhythm of traditional sex . The timing of sexual play is obviously her choice but the simple expressions of power that fuel his constant desire need to become a part of their day to day life.
Take care
John Dalton
I agree John. The paradigm shift will not occur if the relationship does not have structure in place that supports submission.
DeleteI think this was a simpler step for my wife. Sarah was always more sexually aggressive than I. When we were dating she was always the one pushing things to the next level. The same day that we had "the talk", when I confessed my submissive feelings toward her, she pushed me out before I had an orgasm. Now it is normal for us, if I don't see the keys to my cage on the night stand then I know I won't be getting off. Much like the other guy's any show of dominance from her and I am aroused. After eleven years this has never worn off. My sex now is simply being submissive to my wife. The odd fact is we subs love this and it cures a host of traditional marriage problems for the wife without much effort on the her part. Going back to a traditional marriage is off the table. My wife has embraced this lifestyle and loves being in charge. Take care-Alan
ReplyDeleteI don’t think I could go longer than a week without having an orgasm, Mz Kaylee. I don’t think I would want to. Orgasms not only feel great, but they are great stress relievers. Being locked up in chastity would stop me from having an orgasm, but I don’t think that is healthy for proper functioning. I know denial builds desire and makes me want to do anything to please a Goddess. I just don’t have that much self discipline. Especially if I was being teased regularly.
ReplyDeleteFrank, if I may, you absolutely can go longer than a week without having an orgasm if the reason why you have allowed yourself to be controlled to for the betterment of the relationship and to better allow you to focus your sexual energy toward your wife/girlfriend. In terms of the health of the relationship going on because that is the intended benefit ... that's a reason for agreeing to and wanting to be part of such a relationship. It works and not at all to the sacrifice of the man when it comes to sex with his woman. I am allowed 2-3 full-on, ride-that-wave-to-the-beautiful-end orgasms per year. Yes, per year. That said, the sex I have now with my wife is far and away better, more meaningful, more beautiful thing than it ever was. My behavior in my relationship, and as a result my marriage have improve immensely since taking our WLM vows and more so into the future.
DeleteIf my improved behavior was merely because I wanted to earn more and more frequent orgasms, than my goal is the orgasm and not the bliss of a better relationship.
I hope all that makes sense.
Thanks sub hub. It does make sense for the sake of having a better, more fulfilling relationship. Of course you want to please your partner as much as you can. I am not currently in a relationship, but I hope to have a happy, successful one in the near future. If being chaste will help me with that goal, then I will try.
DeleteYou would be amazed at what you can and will do under the influence of a woman. It does take some practice and "training" to go for longer periods but that is half the fun!
DeleteI can attest to this. In fact I have gotten to the point where I basically agree with my wife that the male orgasm is redundant and not necessary.
DeleteEjaculation is for babies!
DeleteActually I don't completely agree with that. I'm old enough to worry about my prostate, so I'm okay with it if my wife permits us an ejaculation a month, give or take.
And honestly, the submissive feeling doesn't disappear for long, at least not for me. Forty-five minutes later and I'm back to the 'Craving'!
CK
I'm not sure she's worried about the submissive feeling disappearing, or at least she's never explicitly said that. Also, a friend of hers is a doctor and after my wife brought it up to her she said that for the prostate there was nothing concrete to suggest periodic ejaculation was necessary or healthier. This conversation was over breakfast years ago and you can imagine how awkward this was for me sitting there.
DeleteThank you for a wonderful post, it's spot on and loved you saying: "Of course, he is my property and therefore all the credit goes to me anyway :)." lol
ReplyDeleteExcellent post and one of my favorite concepts.
ReplyDeletePretty much agreed across the board. Odd to say that I no longer look forward to orgasms like I used to. After I while, I would even say I don't wish for one because of the "high" experienced as well as the behavior my wife enjoys. She also doesn't really have a need or expectation for me to orgasm anymore.
It's odd now to have the perspective that intercourse is not for my pleasure, but for hers. Giving her oral is more arousing and even at times just obeying her is fulfilling.
And I still do say, thank you for the privelage after any sex as she graciously allows that method for me to service her:)
Very nicely said. I agree!
DeleteMike, I liked this "And I still do say, thank you for the privelage after any sex as she graciously allows that method for me to service her:)." Well done! I am glad to hear that you recognize that sex with your wife is a very special privelage for you and not something that is expected. I've always loved it when my husband thanks me after sex even though he is denied orgasm. It is a bit of a power rush for me. What's really exciting to me is that he is sincere about it. He's not saying it just to please me. He truly is thankful for the privelage to have sex with me and give me an orgasm (or rather, for me using him to get my orgasm :) ).
DeleteLove this:
Delete"I am glad to hear that you recognize that sex with your wife is a very special privelage for you and not something that is expected. I've always loved it when my husband thanks me after sex even though he is denied orgasm."
and this:
"He's not saying it just to please me. He truly is thankful for the privelage to have sex with me and give me an orgasm (or rather, for me using him to get my orgasm :) )."
Love it !
Mz Kaylee, the way you describe T&D, I don’t know why any woman wouldn’t want this in her relationship. What woman doesn’t want a man who happily does his assigned errands and chores and never talks back. A man who adores his wife or girlfriend and always wants to pleasure her. Who “when she is done with him” like he is a tool for her pleasure, thanks her and goes back to his chores. Sounds like the ideal relationship to me, Mz Kaylee. I think when more women realize they can have this kind of relationship it will be fairly common place. Like you they will never look back.
ReplyDeleteMY thoughts exactly! Please encourage more women to read this blog!
DeleteI've responded to a few specific items in a few of the comments above and also wanted to thank each of you for your thoughtful comments. It is so wonderful when a topic resonates well with others and when you, the readers, provide validation to the post through your opinions and real world examples. I believe there are many people reading this blog who are discovering WLM or are new to trying to figure it out, and hearing others share experiences is so valuable to bringing credibility to the lifestyle and to help others learn. It is what helped me along early on in my WLM journey. Thank you all for your contributions and I hope to hear more from others.
ReplyDeleteYou are right, Mz Kaylee, a woman can inspire a man to reach his full potential beyond what he even thought was possible. It seems like your husband was willing and able to go without orgasms right from the beginning of your WLM. Did you have to gradually extend his time between orgasms? I would like to know any other training methods you used to get him to deny his own orgasms and focus entirely on your pleasure, if it isn’t too personal. Thank you.
DeleteMz Kaylee, could you do a topic on punishment and discipline for when a submissive man is disobedient or doesn’t meet his wife’s or girlfriend’s expectations?
ReplyDeleteI've written about this topic in several of my past posts. I know there were a few in October and November 2018 on the topic.
DeleteI’m kind of confused about the whole denial thing unless it is all about the power and control a dominant woman feels when she denies her partner. The women I have been with loved to have my cock deep inside them. I always let them orgasm before me unless they wanted me to come at the same time.
ReplyDeleteIt is about the control she has. Once she stops your masturbating then she becomes your only outlet for release. After that it is just patience on her part. Once you have gone long enough you will simply agree to anything she says. I have to ask before I can orgasm and there is no more submissive feeling than when I am told "no" and have to pull out unsatisfied. I assume on the other side of the coin there is probably no more powerful feeling to her than denying me. It's simply a tool my wife uses to modify my behavior. If I act as she wishes the orgasms usually come on a regular schedule. If I break a rule it's going to be a longer wait. Mostly it's just a tool to make me respect her authority and remember my place. Take care- Alan
ReplyDeleteYes Well said!
DeleteAlan, what you said about using the orgasm to control a man's behavior makes sense to me. If the man does as he is told, serves and pleases his Goddess, then he will be rewarded with fairly regular orgasms. What doesn't make sense to me is when men say that orgasms aren't important to them and only her pleasure matters. Of course, the woman dictates when the man can have an orgasm, but if I had to go long periods with blue balls then I would rather be single. Besides it has been scientifically proven that male orgasms release hormones during sexual intercourse that are healthy for the woman and create feelings of closeness. A man can be totally submissive to a woman without having to give up great orgasms. I think 99% of women like to see the intense pleasure a man experiences from orgasm. It makes them feel beautiful and desired.
ReplyDeleteFrank, there is no right or wrong way to do this. If you can stay submissive without orgasm management then that's great. Myself I feed off the dominance. I need the carrot dangled just out of reach. Sexual frustration has become part of my life. We have both agreed that sex is for her pleasure, period, and any release I get should be considered a gift. I have learned to live with the fact that most of the time when we have sex my cage is not coming off. She prefers intercourse with a dildo to me. That being said, I love this lifestyle and even with the "blue balls" I would never want to go back. I really do hope you get to experience this lifestyle. In my case I am truly living my fantasy. Take Care- Alan.
ReplyDeleteFrank - The broader concept here is orgasm control or management as opposed to orgasm denial. It's about the woman deciding when and how the guy orgasm and not that she always denies orgasm. You can still have sex and be denied. I enjoy sex with my husband but he is rarely ever allowed to cum during sex. It took some time and practice for him to be able to do this. He gets a huge erotic rush from being denied during sex. It is mental fuck for him. I agree with you that orgasms during sex create closeness, which is why I do allow it every so often. Since it is less frequent it makes it so much more special and exciting when it happens.
ReplyDeleteThe length of denial does not have to be long. Some couples practice Orgasm Control with weekly orgasms allowed. What tends to happen is that overtime the couple experiments with longer timeframes for denial and they denial periods become longer.
Orgasm control and denial has a huge psychological impact on the guy, not just in the sexual moment but in his every-day life while he is under orgasm control (which is 24/7 for my husband). The advantage for women is that it puts us in position of control and men are much more compliant and easy to control when they know that the only way to get orgasm is to please the wife/gf. I also have a lot of fun teasing him to the brink of orgasm. It's exciting for me to see him struggle to hold back his orgasm and know that he is doing it to please and obey me. It's also fantastic for the woman to have guy that is solely focused on giving her an orgasm, without him focusing on his orgasm. Orgasm Control is very exciting for the guy and many guys ultimately prefer the excitement of denial over having an orgasm. It is a complex concept to understand and you probably will never understand it until you experience it yourself. Read my post from June 2016 to learn more about orgasm control
Does anyone incorporate the use of male chastity cages in their orgasm control regimen?
DeleteWalt
Yes, many do
DeleteWalt, my wife does. For many years she would have me wear it usually after sex when I was denied. Several months ago she said she had decided that my behavior was much better when I had it on that she was going to make me wear it all the time. I pleaded with her not to, but I was overruled. We went on like normal until a small disagreement in July. Since then I have been in continuous chastity. I was let out for an orgasm after day 50, but besides supervised cleanings and shaving I have been locked. Orgasm management is a whole different animal when you are caged, the frustration level is multiplied. Stay Safe- Alan
DeleteYes Ms Kaylee, if anyone is an expert in manipulating and controlling a man through orgasm denial, I would say it is you. I think maybe I should just be quiet and listen when you share your knowledge on the subject.
DeleteThank you for your thoughtful reply, Mz. Kaylee. I agree with you that male orgasm control is beneficial for the relationship. It creates strong desires in the man. Desires to pleasure and please his Goddess. I believe orgasm denial also gives a man sharper focus and more energy at work and at home for his assigned chores. You and Alan have great marriages because there is just the right balance between orgasm denial and reward to keep both partners happy in the marriage. My point was that whether the frequency is one week, two weeks or even one month, male orgasm during sexual intercourse is good for both partners and the marriage.
ReplyDeleteI think the frequency depends on the relationship. With anything, there's no one standard for all.
ReplyDeleteWe started for a release every few weeks. And now it's cut off altogether unless needed or permission is spontaneously given in a rare instance.
She doesn't see a need for me to orgasm. And I suppose I don't either. If I was given the option to have an orgasm tomorrow, I'd probably decline, unless told to, of course :)
This must sound extremely strange to one on the outside in a traditional marriage.
We don't do tease and denial and any sex of course is when she requests it. If it's oral, I do as told. If it's intercourse, when requested, I'm to be hard immediately, and insert. No touching, kissing, foreplay is given. I'm not allowed to cum and am told to stop and pull out once she's had her satisfied number of orgasm. She used to ask if I enjoyed sex, but I don't think she cares anymore... In a sense she can have sex and fuck anytime she pleases and whether I'm left hard is no longer a concern.
Sex life is simpler, more exciting and more intense. Why or how must be difficult to comprehend.
It's strange that guy's get get hard with their cocks, usually don't use them. Wives typically don't care for them, and they're mostly left hard. So it's like they almost don't have a purpose except to be aroused and never used. Probably over simplified but hopefully understood.
I'm definitely horny and aroused often but I don't exactly look forward to the next release day whenever that is.
The mind fuck is the fulfillment exciting part
Mike, your situation and lifestyle sounds similar to mine. My wife doesn't see a need for me to orgasm and therefore I don't. Sex for her is primarily oral, I think primarily because she doesn't trust me inside of her and/or prefers the control of seeing me hard but not allowing me any form of intercourse.
DeleteVery much similar Tim!
DeleteLet's hear more. It's quite a roller coaster at times
If you are both content with that kind of relationship, then that is great, Mike. I’m just speaking for myself and I’m not saying one type of relationship is better than another. I just like the kissing, caressing, massaging, cuddling and having mind blowing orgasms.. I like the romantic getaways and even sharing feelings. Maybe I’m too sentimental, but it is what it is. You are having sexual contact which is more than I can say right now.
ReplyDeleteThat's fantastic Frank. However, I'm not sure how much of a flr/ wife led marriage you have if she isn't in control of sex in any aspect. Perhaps you already mentioned your dynamic, but if it works for you, that's excellent.
ReplyDeleteI think the biggest attraction for women to femdom relationships is the CONTROL. Control of what a man does, when he does it, how he does it and whom he does it with. That is why orgasm control is popular with women. They own his cock. They decide when, why, how and if he gets to use it. I don’t think other aspects of a femdom relationship are as appealing like for example discipline, humiliation or decision making. I think women crave control most of all. Just my opinion.
ReplyDeleteYes, that very well may be true. And perhaps many females naturally are dominant ( over their partner) and this arrangement allows them to successfully lead the marriage to thrive.
ReplyDeleteThis very well may suit their personality and character
Cunilingus is the only sex i get for long periods of time...i don’t mind. A slave accepts that serving his Mistress is a privilege. Pleasuring Her in any way is a privilege. Being able to smell & taste the source of all power..the epitome of beauty. How can any mere male complain?
ReplyDeleteYes Absolutely slave Billy!
DeleteIt is amazing and fabulous, right?!
ReplyDeleteIt is...it truly is.
DeleteIt is odd that it is totally normal that my sex has boiled down to spending time with my tongue between her legs knowing that there will be no orgasm for me. Often begging for the "privilege". Simply being part of her moaning and ultimately a crashing orgasm has become my sex now. Just laying with her afterword caressing and kissing her body as she basks in the afterglow has become as important to me as my own orgasm. Hating to hear the eventual "Thank you, we are finished", only because it means sex is done for me, much like a vanilla man does after he orgasms. Nice to hear from people that are feeling the same feelings as I. Take care- Alan
ReplyDeleteAlan< this is absolutely excellent and spot on!
DeleteYes indeed! We have a role to play. Not to receive but give the pleasure is our ultimate enjoyment. Somewhat lose the desire for a real orgasm when you can just pleasure her this way. May have to start a club, no need for hard cocks , j.k.
ReplyDeleteThe wives I'm sure see that
Well, I just had an orgasm last night after two weeks of no arousal or orgasms. I am not currently in a relationship. The two weeks felt good. I had more confidence and more energy to exercise, do work, and face a difficult situation. I began to feel a little more tension and definitely more full down there if you know what I mean. I am back at day one today, but I hope to go a month without arousal or orgasm this time.
ReplyDeleteGood to see you are experimenting with this. However, I find it hard to believe you had no arousal. Was that really true? Orgasm control and denial does not mean denying arousal. In fact, teasing and causing arousal without orgasm is part of the fun.
DeleteYou are a very intelligent woman, Mz Kaylee. From reading a few of your past posts I can see that you have orgasm control down to an art form and science. I really do believe any man would be putty in your hands to be molded and trained as you see fit. I think getting aroused is 90% in your head. I have a very active imagination and get aroused very easily by a beautiful and seductive woman. I am just trying to avoid the temptation until I am in a relationship. I can tell you the orgasm I had after two weeks was absolutely mind blowing. The hormones that flooded my brain made it numb for at least an hour. It is easy to see why orgasms are so addictive. They just feel so great!
DeleteWhat a fabulous article! My wife and I have been using a chastity cage on and off for a couple of years in order to "enhance" our relationship. We have had some intermittent success with that. I only recently stumbled on to this website. The paradigm shift you have described really rang a bell with me. So I am now trying to slowly migrate our relationship to a WLM (largely using information I have gathered from this site). I haven't explicitly revealed this plan to my wife. My experience with chastity, taught me that it is best to progress slowly with lifestyle changes like this. I do believe my wife is a natural dominant, so I think there is a good chance for success in achieving a more stable "enhancement" of our marriage.
ReplyDeleteCharlie, a tip of the cap in your direction sir. Achieving the goal of a loving Wife Led Marriage will be so much more than just an "enhancement". It will be life changing for the better. Speaking from first hand experience, there is no better place than in the kind of marriage that I am lucky enough to exist in every day.
DeleteDon't ever forget ... it is NOT about you. Repeat, it is NOT about you, your pleasures, your desires. It is all about her. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that you deserve orgasms, or that you have earned orgasms. You don't deserve them, you don't need them and if you live in good service to your wife for the purpose of "earning" orgasms, then you are doing it for you.
Good luck my friend. See you on the other side.
Thank you subhubphx. I really appreciate the comments, reminders and support. I (was going to write "We", but changed that to "I") did the chastity cage thing for two years - and as I said the results were spotty. It seems my wife never quite got it right. I locked myself up, tried to improve my behavior and she never ______(fill in the blank here - teased me enough, was strict enough, paid enough attention to the cage,......). That is dark humor of course. I read all the information about focusing on her, but I guess I never quite grasped the message. I didn't look at the FLR/WLM blogs, because that lifestyle seemed weird to me (as though looking my genitals in a metal cage is sane). I think I now see the major error of my thinking and am trying to do the "Paradigm Shift." I assume you are subhubphx with the blog of the same name. I am going to reexamine your blog (I looked at it in the past) and hopefully learn from your experience. I think I now understand the concept and rationale for WLM. My biggest concern is that I don't slide back into making it all about me.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the kind words Charlie. Yup, that's me. I'd love to have you stop by and if you do, please leave a comment and let me know your thoughts.
DeleteBy the way, like I said before, this blog and the words from Mz Kaylee are excellent. Mistress K (my wife) loves for me to copy most of her posts and read them to her on Sunday mornings. Mistress K. loves her some Mz Kaylee.
DeleteCharlie- I am glad to hear that you are going to shift to focusing on her. It makes sense that it is no fun for you if she locks you up and forgets about it. However, shifting your focus on making her happy will make it more exciting for her and will hopefully get her more engaged in controlling you.
DeleteThanks Mz. Kaylee. Really great stuff on your website that has opened my eyes on the changes I need to make.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure if this is the correct place to keep this dialogue going - but here goes: So for about a week I believe everything was going well. I think we were both in "the zone." Last night we had a disciplinary issue with one of my children. My wife and I have always been at odds in this area. We had an argument and some harsh words were said (by both of us). So all of the good feelings from the previous week evaporated over night. This morning I did wake up and get flowers and also apologized. That seems to have smoothed things over for now. So now I am thinking (and looking for advice) about how I should have handled this last night (and in the future). What we disagreed on wasn't a life or death decision. It was more of an differing approach on raising children. Should I have been thinking, "She in charge and I should be as submissive as possible so this doesn't escalate." I certainly wasn't thinking that way last night. So my question is how have you and your partner handled disagreements that may fall outside of the dom-sub lifestyle (assuming some topics are outside of that dynamic)?
Charlie, I know you are not asking me, and MzKaylee's advice will certainly be more enlightening, but here is how Mistress K. and I handle such things. It's easy.
DeleteFirst, if we end up in an argument, it is considered deeply disrespectful to her. Not because we disagree. I'm allowed to disagree ... to a point, but rather while in an argument I'm apt to speak to her in a way that is not consistent with my role as her submissive husband. When that happens, the conversation is immediately shut down and I am punished for being disrespectful. Under no circumstances am I allowed, nor should ever be disrespectful.
In our marriage, I took a vow that I would respect EVERY decision she makes. Mind you, there is an enormous amount of trust necessary and she will always seek my advice/opinion on matters that we potentially will disagree about, but in the end, her decision is final.
This applies to EVERYTHING in our lives and marriage. Everything! In the end it is the best way to go. Disagreements are solved instantly, the slate is wiped clean and we are able to move on in our blissful experience without any lingering issues.
subhubphx, I am happy to take advice from any source that can help (I also have no qualms about plagiarizing your lifestyle if I think it will work for me). After reading your post, I think I will go apologize again and tell my wife I will respect any decision she makes regarding the specific matter at hand. I can't tell her now that I will respect every decision she makes - that is I believe to far a leap at the moment. But I do have a question. If you are disrespectful, what is the punishment?
ReplyDeleteWhenever Mistress K. decides punishment is due, there are varying degrees. If the infraction is bad (like raising my voice to her), I am spanked hard. If the infraction is not so bad, I am spanked hard, but not as hard. If the infraction is especially egregious, I am spanked hard and and required to wear my chastity cage for an unspecified amount of time.
DeleteLately however, Mistress K. has become inspired by Mz Kaylee and will give me corner time, again depending on the severity of the infraction.
All in all, her go-to punishment is the leather paddle.
I guess I am now in the market for a few paddles.....
ReplyDeleteThank you Mz Kaylee for your insightful blog. I have been following it for some time and it is by far the most valuable FLR blog there is. My wife and me is just starting a FLR. My wife understand I have a wish to submit to her and in my hopes to progress further I am showing her the positive side of me taking over many of the duties at home and that sex is completely at her mercy (the latter part have function very well for a long time:-)). We have a very loving relationship and with her fairly dominant, I believe we have all the qualities to explore the wonderful sides of FLR.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I need and hope to get some advise on, is to move it to the next step. I want to assist my wife in understanding the basic of FLR, what and why a structure need to be made. You have many posts around this and was hoping if you could assist me if you had a couple of posts you previously have written that could be ideal for an introduction on building a FLR?
Again thank you for the blog it keeps it real and have all the excitement a FLR brings.
This post absolutely describes me. I continue to be amazed by how well Mz Kaylee understands us. How does She know? Edwin (nancy)
ReplyDeleteThis post and conversation are fantastic. As a woman I may be rare in this, but I agree with Frank that intercourse and mutual orgasm aare an incredible level of intimacy that I would not want to miss.
ReplyDeleteMz Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteI am kept in a constant state of arousal with tease and denial. A constant state of arousal and obeying my wife is my sex. My Queen wife no longer allows intercourse, masturbation, or frequent orgasms. It may be Spring or Summer until I orgasm again.
mk