My husband, David, and I are in a long established Female-led relationship. Even before we were married I wore the pants. David did the all the chores and handled the bill paying routine. He also helped my mother with chores, chauffeuring, what ever she needed. It's a lot of work and he frequently fell behind. Add to that, David earned relatively little compared to my earnings. Mom and I talked it over and decided David was quitting his job to be a full-time housekeeper. . We didn't need his pittance of a salary. David jumped into his new situation - what else could a submissive guy want?
Sounds good, doesn't it? Well it's not. David may please me as a housekeeper but he's a real loser in the bed room. When it comes to sex David doesn't make me happy and I told him that. He's a beta guy. Blue pills, therapy, and laser treatments don't make a difference. Vibrators and even a sex machine are nice but women want a real man in bed. David wasn't a real man. He wasn't pleasing me AND isn't pleasing the wife what an FLR is all about? I was going to start dating other men and David was just going to have to live with it! A guy in work, Rob, a real stud, had been giving me lots of attention. “I think he wants to fuck me and I can't see why not.” At first David was taken back. I assured him that he was fantastic housekeeper and that my seeing other men wasn't going to change that part of our relationship. What would change was that he was now my cuckold, defined as the husband of a woman who had sex with men outside her marriage. The woman in such a relationship is a Cuckoldress or a Cuck-Queen. There are many variations on the term and the practice of cuckolding - just query the term and see - but for purposes of our relationship the definitions, above, are it. Historically a cuckoldry was looked upon with scorn but no more - many of my girlfriends cuckold their husbands/boyfriends. The modern empowered woman has choices in the bedroom and will do as she pleases. David was to have nothing to do with my dating - Nothing! My dating is strictly my business. He agreed. I felt a surge of power - this was real control. I called Rob to set up our first date.
I sent David off to Mom's to do housework. I wanted mom to gauge David's acceptance of being a cuckold. I didn't want to lose my housekeeper but I wasn't going to stop seeing other men, either.
David has a great relationship with my mother, regarding her as a Goddess. She brought up the topic of cuckolding, asking how he felt about his wife dating other guys. Not surprisingly, he had no objections, and only wanted me to be happy. Mom told him that cuckolding wasn't all that unusual. Many men have wives who slept with other men and that their marriages were stronger as a result. Her late husband was a cuckold and her son-in-law is, too. And there others, many others. Empowered women in the workforce and in society in general were likely to have men on the side. David came to see that my being attractive to other men as a compliment.
So Rob and I set up a date - he was to pick me up at our home the following Friday. I took off that day to get my hair, makeup, and nails done. Mom picked up David and took him home to do chores - I didn't want him involved with Rob. After Mom and David left I went into my bedroom to finish dressing. On my bed as a beautifully wrapped box. I unwrapped it to find a black club dress and lace top nylons with a note “have a great evening - David”
-Debbie
Greg
ReplyDeleteI think this post should have been put in the story section greg
ReplyDeleteI agree with you Debbie that cuckolding is becoming more popular every day. There are many FLR blogs that talk about cuckold husbands and boyfriends. Since women have more education and earning power than many men they refuse to make compromises in the bedroom. Women demand to be satisfied orally and also with a large, hard cock. Why should they settle for less and what is the husband going to do. She has all the assets and controls the money. The husband will be out on the street if he doesn't accept being cuckolded. I genuinely think David will do anything to make you happy. It also relieves him of the pressure to satisfy you in the bedroom. It must have been pretty frustrating for you until you started dating outside your marriage. I know you didn't give David a choice to be a cuckold, but do you know of any relationships where the man refused? What happened in the relationship?
ReplyDeleteI would file for divorce If my wife was having sex with other men. I have no desire whatsoever to be a cuck.
ReplyDeleteI find this to be an extreme variation of FLR. I think some guys may fantasize about it and you see it portrayed in porn. I, personally, have never found it arousing. My wife would never have any interest in this. Associating the idea with FLR would, I fear, turn her away from the lifestyle. Too extreme for us. We have been together for over forty years. Edwin
ReplyDeleteEdwin, yes this is a bit extreme, but seems to work for some. It would never work for us and we have no interest. In someways it makes our life style look very simple and somewhat low key. That’s fine with us and wish everyone the best. Mr Lois
ReplyDeleteTo each their own....no judgment....whatever two folks do consensually....so be it.....being a submissive can’t say I haven’t thought about the dynamic once or twice.....not appealing, but....mmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteI love Debbie's contributions here. It is clear that David is living a life that he loves, and really he serves multiple women. I really don't think she's writing fantasy, and it is great to read about a successful woman who has a man who serves her. In her profile, Debbie says she and David got together in college and she dated other guys, so David knew what might come after marriage. I love the gift he gave her. I bet he's really sweet.
ReplyDeleteMy David adjusted quickly to my cuckolding him. It was another level of control that I exercise over him and he LOVES IT! David makes no secret of his being cuckolded and has openly discussed his situation with both his and my friends - Debbie
DeleteInteresting post and interesting comments. I myself had to ponder it all and sort it a bit before responding, but I think I'm good to go now.
ReplyDeleteCuckolding as a 'thing' is neither alien to me nor some run-screaming-away abomination. I know cuckold people and polyamory folks too. While it's not for me and Rosa.......I get it. Don't want it.....but I get it. But, that's not the issue here.
The issue here is that this as a "Post" (with a capital "P") reads.......well.....either as hyped for effect.....or utterly contrived. None of the folks I know who are into this would describe their partner as unflatteringly as done here except to perhaps the spouse themselves as part of their game among their own circle....or as another commenter observed.....as fiction. Cuckolding and polyamory are tricky landscapes to traverse, but in every instance they usually involve partners "in" on the thrill. We as fellow blog readers are not part of their personal game and as such would expect a more ......shall I say 'tactful' expose of their arrangement......(which I should add is just ducky with me).
What I don't appreciate is the characterization of a man with ED or any disability not of his own making described as rendering him a "loser". If your spouse gets off on this humiliation...great. Tell HIM he's a loser, and maybe he'll revel in that debasement and kiss your feet for it. But what of anyone else reading this assessment with a similar issue? Are they then "losers" too?
One of the things I've learned over the years is that if any sexual activity is described in cruel terms, the person writing is either doing so for effect, for a kick, or as fantasy. While all of these motives have their place and situational validity, it seems to me that for the purposes of sharing real life information among like-minded people, that such descriptions are inappropriate at best and suspicious at worst.
Personally, I don't know enough to have a solid opinion on which of the above this post falls under, but I do know that even if my wife wished to describe me in similar terms, and even if I myself got off on such public debasement, that it would be improper to use such language to share what is going on with others on a substantive forum.
I have read numerous accounts of cuckoldry without the unnecessary "theater" and find the more loving descriptions of such arrangements to be far more informative, and well........yes, I'm going to say it.........believable.
BTW......I shied away from commenting on the "real man" remark, but have some very strong feelings on THAT assessment. If anyone wishes to weigh a man's worth solely on his genital potency, I will be happy to engage them. Let's just say that in this instance emasculation might result in evisceration.
DeleteI believe Miss Debbie is being truthful. She has told her story numerous times and it never changed in the least bit. What motive would she have for lying to strangers?
ReplyDeleteI'm not interested in cuckoldry because of my faith. But then again, I have a husband who performs very well in the bedroom. If I didn't, my faith might be "shaken," LOL.
ReplyDeleteTrina
The Earth might be “shaken” too.
DeleteDebbie and I have corresponded with each other over the past year or two and so I can vouch that this post is not fantasy. She even checked with me before sharing her post as she knew her views were extreme. Her WLM lifestyle is extreme compared to most others, which I find fascinating but not the type a lifestyle I would pursue. This blog is about sharing different view points and experiences and so I am happy to publish her post here. I also appreciate the different opinions expressed in the comments and how everyone is expressing them in a tactful and respectful manner. This is what thought provoking discussions are all about.
ReplyDeleteCuckolding is not for everyone. It is not a lifestyle that I choose. However, I have corresponding with a few people that incorporate cuckolding into their relationship and they have all expressed that it has brought a wonderful and exciting dynamic to the relationship. One woman expressed to me that after each cuckold experience there is a deep feeling of love and closeness between her and her husband. It just goes to show that there are many flavors to WLM/FLR and there is no one right way for all couples.
I will also add that a man should be forced into being a cuckold against his consent. Although Debbie's words may seem to imply forced cuckolding, I know from our past this discussions, that there was an awareness from Debbie that her husband would not have an issue with cuckolding when she made this ultimatum. Debbie - Please correct me if I am wrong.
I will also add that a man should be forced into being a cuckold against his consent.
DeleteYou surprise me with this comment.
Obviously, this was a typo, and Mz Kaylee meant to type “not” forced. Her intent is obvious if you read the remainder of her post. Edwin
DeleteWow...yes, big typo on my part. It should read "should not".
DeleteLet me see how I can put this. I didn't give David any options as regarding cuckolding. I told him it was about my happiness - he could embrace my desires or take his chances on how our WLM goes forward. David - always the follower - seemed relieved when I told him of others we knew who were in the cuckolding lifestyle. He was further relieved when he learned he would have no part what so ever in my dating other men. It's been working beautifully so far!
DeleteDebbie
Thank you Debbie for sharing your amazing story with us. I am not a cuckold husband but the thought of it does make me feel extremely submissive towards my wife. She has talked about getting another man to serve her and if he works out, then who knows. For now it is only talk, not sure if I could handle watching her with another man or not. The thought of it does excite me but at the same time it worries me. Anyway I just wanted to say thanks again for sharing with us all your lifestyle.
ReplyDeleteDavid doesn't watch me with another man. He isn't involved with any aspect of it. I know that a modern definition of cuckold includes a husband arranging, watching, and perhaps even participating with a wife and her lover - not here - not with me. It's all about me...
DeleteDebbie, based on the posts I’ve seen from you this lifestyle originated with your mother and was passed on to you. She set an example about how a woman can be and her expectations in life. You’ve found a husband that agrees and works hard to meet your expectations and loves it. Your conditioning is sure to make him fulfilled as a totally submissive husband. That’s rather intimidating to fragile male egos that a woman can that throughly control and condition them. Feel that’s because of male sex drive and once you control that, it’s up to what you desire. Women like you have been scaring the pants off men and society through out history. The thanks for your posts, they are thought provoking and a bit scary from a male point of view.
ReplyDeleteScary? Not in the least! If the woman is empowered then her man reaches new heights of excitement for himself by supporting his wife or girlfriend. Debbie
DeleteDear Mz Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteI've always been conflicted by cuckoldry. With my lack of size - and prowess - down there, I feel very guilty that I have never been able to bring my wife pleasure in that way. I have always had to rely on my rather more skilful tongue. A former girlfriend once told me it was all very good being sweet and kind, but sometimes a woman just needs raw unadulterated sex. I would understand if my wife wanted to get that with someone else but she says she doesn't. We are so close that I would hate anyone to get in the way of that.
Sissy Jenna
Maybe this makes me really shallow, but I doubt I could have married a man with a small penis (neither thick nor long. I like that Tony has a bit of both but I could probably live with one or the other). Unlike many women in wife-led marriages, I really enjoy vaginal sex. Of course it's something Tony has to earn, but when I want it I give him an extra chore in order to earn it so I am not denied what I want. I get him hard and say, "Go mop the kitchen floor and then you can have pussy. I'll get myself ready with my bullet while you're gone." He can't get his naked self to the mop bucket quick enough! I get cock (and tongue) and a clean kitchen floor. He is in ecstacy. Oh, the benefits of WLM!
ReplyDeleteTrina
Dear Trina,
DeleteI am guessing your comment about small penises was in reference to my comment above! Indeed I have always wondered why my wife chose me. It was more a character thing. She found me interesting, funny, and dare I say it good looking in a pretty sort of way! Why I am conflicted about being a cuck is that my wife genuinely did like vaginal sex. She has been very open about having had sex with men in three figures before we met! She has also said she gave blowjobs to all of them. She was pretty clear from the start that this was not something she would do to me and it is still something I have never experienced. In many ways I think she deserves more from sex but she has said that I'm not a cuckold. I just worship the ground she walks on and am so grateful for having her in my life. I'm glad that I don't have to share her but I do feel guilty that she has lost something she used to enjoy. When I question her she just says she doesn't want to be dealing with men anymore and that I am enough for her. And I genuinely get enough from her. I absolutely love sharing in her orgasms and once or twice a year I am allowed to 'dip it in' as she calls it! I know it's not satisfying for her as she now starts to count down from five (it used to be ten) pretty much immediately. These are pretty much the only non caged cummies I get now. But we are very much in love and say it to each other a dozen times a day at least.
If she has had more than a hundred cocks and says she doesn't want that anymore, then you have no reason to feel guilty -- and as her submissive you ought to believe what she says and just accept it!
DeleteTrina
Ha! Trina, you’re a hoot. I bet he can’t swab the deck fast enough. Thanks for sharing your perspective, they are always fun.
ReplyDeleteI asked my wife if this ever appealed to her. "Absolutely not," was the quick reply. "You need guidance, leadership, and strong, clear direction. You need to be spanked, stood in the corner, and disciplined. But NEVER think you need to be replaced in ANY manner, because I love you, now and forever. In fact, I've got a ring on my finger that says so!" And that's our story...
ReplyDeleteRobert, a submissive husband
That is very sweet and loving. We are tough and strict and also full of love and caring. A great example of a loving WLM. Thanks for sharing.
DeleteDebbie loves her husband and she also has a ring that says so.
ReplyDeleteThis is perfect! Great insight
ReplyDeleteThanks!
ReplyDeleteMadame Debbie said, "… isn't pleasing the wife what an FLR is all about?" Yes, it absolutely is. I agreed to a cuckolding relationship not because it is my kink but because it makes my wife happy. She is happy because she can satisfy multiple needs and desires when she has a cuckold husband. For example, if my wife wants to clean her apartment thoroughly and have a great date and sex at the same day, she cannot satisfy both of her needs simultaneously because (well..) she has only one body. If she had a cuckold husband, she could fulfill both of her needs by ordering her husband to clean her apartment while she has a date with a bull. This is precisely when a wife needs a cuckold husband, and as a submissive husband, I should be there for her when she needs me.
ReplyDeleteUnlike Madame Debbie's husband, I am not a loser in bed. If my wife asked me, I could take the lead in the bedroom and act as a dominant man. So, the reason why my wife cuckolds me has less to do with my performance in bed, but more to do with her happiness. As I said above, she sometimes wants to satisfy multiple desires simultaneously, and that's when a cuckold husband becomes useful. Also, a woman needs to have a variety in life to have a truly satisfying life. Just because someone is satisfied with eating chocolate ice cream every day, it doesn't mean that she can't, from time to time, enjoy a vanilla ice cream. Likewise, just because my wife is satisfied with me as a sexual partner, it doesn't mean that she can't, from time to time, enjoy other sexual partners. Why settle for one flavor when you can have 31 flavors?
In my opinion, a truly obedient husband should agree to a cuckolding relationship regardless of whether or not he is a loser in a bedroom and whether or not he has a cuckold fetish. As Madame Debbie said, the heart of FLR is about pleasing the wife no matter what. If cuckolding brings the wife variety in life and satisfaction of multiple desires, then cuckolding must bring the wife happiness and joy in life. Then, a submissive husband must agree to be a cuckold, for bringing the wife happiness and joy is what being a submissive husband is all about.
KC
Would like to hear more how it evolved KC. Way to go!
ReplyDeleteTo me the heart of FLR/WLM is not pleasing the wife no matter what, just as that is not the heart of a Husband Led Relationship. In our WLM I have taken control while he has voluntarily given control. While I am clearly the leader, I must be a benevolent dictator who cares about and for the man I am leading. And he can have hard limits! That doesn't mean I am not in charge.
ReplyDeleteTrina
As a male long and happily under the strict discipline and authority of my wife I strongly support Trina’s point. Any female led relationship should support the needs of both parties as well as enhance the growth and health of the relationship. Seeing it in any way as one sided or just for the benefit of one of the partners will not lead to long term success. It is one thing for a male to claim or think his needs don’t matter. But they do matter if a relationship is going to thrive. Female led or male led, both people must have their needs met in any good relationship. As for cuckolding, it is not for us but I have no problem with a couple who both decide to go that route and find it fulfilling. I do think it is dangerous to the long term health of a relationship but that is a risk each couple should evaluate for themselves
DeleteAlan
I was curious to ask if it's ok. I was wondering how often Debbie, Trina, mz Kaylee prefer penetration vs non or oral and if it's been a factor in the wlm dynamic? Such as personal preference or used as a control method.
ReplyDeleteThanks
Mike,
DeleteLike almost all wives in charge of their husbands, I receive oral worship virtually every day (often several times a day), while PIV (penis in vagina) sex is much less frequent. And yes of course it is part of the WLM dynamic. Tony is in a very submissive position with his head between my legs or under me during facesitting. And he knows that getting his cock in my pussy is a privilege he has to earn. I am very clearly in charge in the bedroom just as I am in every other room of our home (and every aspect of our lives). Even when I want him to take charge during sex, as I do when we do it doggy, it is because I have told him to get behind me and control the speed and force of his thrusting. "Make me scream!" I will say. But he is just obeying me, even then.
Trina
Trina
DeleteThat's wonderful. Can you tell me how often he's allowed to cum since his cock doesn't get used often?
And the times he's allowed piv, he can control well and not have accident spills?
Great insight
Trina and Alan, I am in agreement with your viewpoints. KC - There is some merit to the "submit no matter what to make her happy," but only if the wife has the interest of the submissive in mind. The reality is that a lot of guys can not mentally handle cuckolding or pain or [fill in the blank]. It's easy to say you will submit no matter what when your wife is catering to your desires or asking you to do things within your limits. If she suddenly wanted to shit on your face, would you be ok with that? So I know some guys will say yes to that, but you are a real special person if you have absolutely no limits. In a strong WLM, the wife knows her husband's limits and what he can and can not handle and will never push beyond those hard limits. Likewise the submissive trusts the wife and knows that she would never push him beyond those limits without consent. When you have that two-way bond (and I feel that we do in our WLM), it is a beautiful thing. My husband is devoted to serving me and making me happy and follows my orders without hesitation because he trusts and knows that I will not abuse him.
ReplyDelete1.Thanks for your comment Mz. Kaylee. (And thanks to Alan, Trina, and Mike for their comments too.) You have a point, and I respect your opinion but let me share my story.
DeleteI was not always a submissive man. Until my mid-20s, I had been a rather dominant man. I sort of knew what femdom was, but I was not interested in it at all. Then I accidentally found out about chastity and orgasm denial. At first, I was disgusted by it. "What kind of a fool would let some woman lock his cock?" I thought to myself. But, within a week, I found myself visiting chastity porn websites and jerking off to chastity captions and stories. I didn't like this, and I tried to shake off this new kink(or fetish) called chastity and return to who I was, a somewhat dominant man. Unfortunately, I was unsuccessful. I revisited those sites, again and again, till I finally admitted that I had turned into a submissive man.
After admitting I had become a submissive man, I started looking for a mistress to serve. I wanted to be the best slave boy any mistress could ever want. But, the reality was very different from the fantasy. Locked into a chastity belt and enduring long-term orgasm denial was harder than I imagined. And doing housework for the mistress was only exciting and arousing for about the first 30-40 minutes of housework; after that, it was just pure drudgery. After failing several relationships with dominant women, I realized I was at a dead end. I couldn't be happy when I was in a relationship with a dominant woman because serving a dominant woman is hard work. But then again, I couldn't be happy when I was 'not' in a relationship with a dominant woman because I had this femdom kink and a strong desire to serve women. Unless this desire is satisfied, I couldn't be happy. This means that I couldn't be happy no matter what I did.
The best thing that could happen to me was that I somehow lost the femdom kink and returned to the dominant man I used to be, but it seemed to me that it was not likely to happen. At that moment, I made a decision that changed my life forever. I decided to give up my own happiness. If I was going to be unhappy no matter what I did, then why not just forget about my own happiness and make a dominant woman happy? That's at least better than a man and a woman being both unhappy, right? Not long after I made that decision, I met a new mistress, and she is now my wife. (continued on comment 2 below)
2. If I had met my wife slightly earlier, I would have never agreed to a cuckolding relationship. At that time, cuckolding was a hard limit for me. But since I decided to give up my own happiness, I decided to give it a try. So, how am I now? I am happier than ever, and I never want to go back to that dominant jerk I was. Paradoxically, I gained happiness because I gave up happiness. It is a fantastic feeling to sacrifice everything you have(even your happiness) for the happiness of a dominant woman, and the fact that that dominant woman is your beautiful wife only adds to your happiness.
DeleteI am not saying that my life is easy. No, it is not for the fainthearted. I have a full-time job and do all the housework(the Queen doesn't have to lift a finger in her castle!). My paychecks are directly deposited into her account, and I get only a tiny allowance. Since I am the primary breadwinner of my household and my wife likes to buy dinner and presents for her bulls, You might say that I pay for my wife to have a pleasant time with her bulls. Sometimes, when my wife and one of her bulls goes on a vacation, she requires me to clean and maintain not only her apartment(which I am paying the debt, of course) but also her bull's apartment. Also, sometimes, she likes to pay for the vacation expenses when she goes on a vacation with her bull. This means that I will be busy cleaning the bull's house and washing his car while she will be fucking that bull in a nice resort or hotel in an exotic vacation spot which I mostly paid for. This is not the lifestyle for the fainthearted; to most men, my life wouldn't look like a happy life.
But, there is no word to describe my current state except the word 'happy.' I feel like I am living a very special life, a life entirely devoted to the happiness of a living Goddess on earth. And I can't thank my wife enough for giving me the chance to live such a special life. So, although I respect Mz. Kaylee's and Madame Trina's opinions very much, I still like to give advice to all the submissive men on earth who are not currently happy. It goes as follows: Half-hearted submission will get you nowhere. Either you lose your femdom desire completely or submit to women completely. If the former is impossible for you, then the only choice is the latter. So, man up! And submit to your mistress completely! And "submitting completely" does not mean "submitting only when you feel like it" or "submitting only when you are not too tired." it means "submitting no matter what to make her happy." Paradoxically, you will be happy when you make her happy no matter what.
KC
My husband submits to me 99% of the time (though sometimes he needs a little "encouragement"). When we formalized our FLR, we agreed that he would have veto power when an order of mine crossed the line (in his mind) of health or morality. So our FLR is not all or nothing, as you say it must be. Instead, there are gray areas, just like the rest of life.
DeleteBut here's the thing: I know my husband so well that he has never had to use his veto power! He and I are very close in our moral standards and agree what is healthy and what's not, so as his benevolent dictator I do not expect things of him that would cross his line of health or morality. That to me is a healthy FLR/WLM. And it is NOT all or nothing.
Trina
KC - It is great to a read a comment and opinion based on real experience. I appreciate and respect your view point. The "no matter what" approach is a bit of a paradox and in my opinion should be advised with caution. It works when there is a strong relationship such as what Trina describes above. My husband would probably fall into the category of "he will submit to me no matter what," but only because he knows that I would never ask him to do something beyond his hard limits or that would go against his morals. This is not to say that if I truly felt something would be beneficial to our WLM, that I would not challenge his hard limits (not his morals) and work with him to change them. Limits can change over time and with the proper motivation. However, I would never force the limit to change without him. being ready for the change.
DeleteThe fault with the no matter what approach is that not everyone is in a strong or mature relationship. If I suddenly left my husband and he found someone else to submit to, I can pretty much guarantee he would not take that approach until he has built a strong relationship and trust with that person.
As I think about what you wrote, I am wondering if perhaps the message is more about men changing their perspective in life to devoting themselves to serve their wife. This about finding happiness in making her happy versus just trying to satisfy your submissive or kinky desires. So many guys do the latter and never find the fulfillment in their submission. It does not sound to me like you gave up happiness to serve your wife, since you were unhappy no matter what you were doing. It sounds more like you discovered how to be happy by changing your perspective to devoting yourself to your wife. Does that make sense? Your message about committing to submission and not doing it half-ass is spot on. Where there may be differences of opinion is on what that commitment or devotion means. As a side note, there is a similar situation for the Female dominant. To get the most out of a WLM, the wife must fully embrace her dominance and commit to dominating her husband and not do it half-ass. I've written about this change in perspective in a past post.
Great discussion and I appreciate these different view points..
A woman is not the leader in an FLR if she is being topped by the submissive. If she doesn’t want to make him do anything he objects to or is uncomfortable with then he is the leader in the relationship. He is just filling his submissive fantasies.
ReplyDeleteYou state opinions as if they are facts, and in my house such arrogance would earn you a long session with the bath brush until you saw the error of your attitude.
DeleteTrina
I would expect no less, but you know I’m right, Miss Trina.
DeleteTrina, I’m rolling, thanks for the humor on tough day. MrLois
Deletefulfilling his submissive fantasies. Hate auto correct.
ReplyDeleteMz Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteI think anonymous comments should have to be signed so that we at least know which comments go with which person and we can answer that person by name.
Trina
Agree. I've asked people to do this. Unfortunately there is no way to enforce it.
DeleteI beg to disagree. On my old blog I would warn initially and then delete any subsequent comments that violated either of my two simple rules for posting…..one of which was leaving some sort of identifying name in an anonymous post.
DeleteThe above comment is mine, KDPierre….. which I would have thought would have been linked to this comment. Maybe it’s because I used my phone?——-KDP
DeleteI had a good laugh that your first comment was not signed. Good thing you corrected it quickly or I might have deleted it :)
DeleteThat's certainly an approach but I do not want to discourage discussion. So far it has not been a big enough issue to be concerned about.
I slapped my own head like Homer Simpson when I saw the comment went through without being linked to my account but could not figure out how to delete it and try again, hence the follow-up post. This morning I am on my laptop and my account was directly linked to my reply.
DeleteI'm glad the mistake amused you. I love irony myself.
But I do think irony is also well served by your reluctance to delete anonymous posts. You are a dominant woman running a Femdom blog, and the main offenders are sub males. How perfect would it be for them to be "punished" by you with deletion for not obeying your rules? Given what they've been writing, rather than be turned away, I believe they'd get off on it! ;-)
When we were first married, I told my wife if I ever found out she cheated on me I would divorce her right then and there. I couldn't stand the thought of her stepping outside our marriage for sex. I couple sex with intimacy, and I really wasn't afraid of her having other sex partners, I was afraid of the intimacy that I perceived went along with it.
ReplyDeleteFast forward 42 years and I still feel like I would divorce her if she cheated on me. However, I have discussed with her that, should she feel the need to have sex with another man, and, within the context of our FLR, I would accept her need and would support her right to do so.
I know this would push my boundaries, but cuckolding me isn't a hard limit for me. Cheating on me is however. In my view that is a major distinction.
I am in awe of those who make a cuckold relationship work. My wife is far, far away from ever making me a cuckold. And I try to do everything I can do to take care of her, in every way, including sex. What's more, she has told me she has zero interest in it. So, I highly doubt the time of cuckolding me will ever come.
That said, letting her know my thoughts on cuckolding was very important to me. That discussion was a very intimate time for us, and, for the submissive me, it was very impactful. I believed it opened my wife's eyes to the power I felt she has in our relationship, and the depth of my submission to her certainly deepened.
Thank you for your post Debbie, and thank you Mz Kaylee for an always interesting blog. We enjoy reading and learning about others relationships and what they find strengthens a wife's control and a husband's submission to her. My best, Calibob
As a man who is looking at what the FLR lifestyle is (been widowed and just recently out of a long distance relationship) I am afraid Cuckolding is turning me off of the FLR lifestyle. If my wife/girlfriend had another partner for sex I would divorce (or in the case of just a girlfriend break off the relationship).
ReplyDeleteI would like to simply ask - Can a FLR consist of a woman gently, lovingly just leading the relationship? A woman who does consider the thoughts and feelings of her male partner.
From some of what I have read it seems a ton of sweet men are abused emotionally by women who really should be looking after their emotional and mental health.
An older widower from Midwestern USA
As I noted early on in this topic thread, cuckolding is an extreme aspect of FLR. Most wives do not engage in this behavior. Mz Kaylee and Trina have already noted above that they do not engage in cuckolding. My wife would not either, and She would never ask me to do anything that violates Her or my values. She practices “loving female authority.” Do not get sidetracked by this one post. There are MANY others. Nancy
DeleteThat’s the funny thing about FLR’s, what’s seems like or is abuse and torment for a submissive husband is actually a powerfully submissive act and tremendous turn on for the man so fortunate to have beautiful dominate and decisive wife with the balls to rule his life…. Bless all of you beautiful dominate women who grace this blog with your thoughtful insights into what makes a FLR work!
DeleteScott
Older widower,
DeleteDo not be discouraged. The vast majority of wife-led marriages do not include cuckolding or abuse. There is far more abuse in husband-dominated marriages!
Trina
Older Widower,
DeleteYou have found the right website. Go back to Mz Kaylee's very first post here in August 2014 and you'll see she has about the same goals as you. Read every post, it's time well spent if you have hopes for a Loving FLR. You'll see she and her husband Thomas are wonderful about sharing how a LOVING female led relationship is accomplished. Several other women have published posts in this blog too, giving a wide view of possibilities that you and your future partner can choose from.
Cuckolding is not for my wife or me either – much too extreme. But views like this are valuable to us just to consider the possibilities and pitfalls from others who try these things. Read through all the comments in this post and it's obvious communication between partners is the key.
We don't even bother with other websites any more, too many male-fantasy time-wasting sites out there. This is far and away the best site for us (thank you Mz Kaylee!).
Carlos
Dear older widower,
DeleteI think the cuckold thing is relatively rare in chastity and FLR relationships.
My wife is a loving wife and has never cheated on me. (But I have cheated on her, to my shame. We worked together through that awful mess, and I will never cheat again.)
I have gone from "I'd never consider it an option to let my wife have sex with another man", to a different place, which I'd describe as "I accept that my wife is in charge of our marriage, and in charge of me, and so if sex with another man is what she decided, I would support her choice, although I still hope that she never does want that." Fortunately for me, she has no such desire, and it seems unlikely that she ever would. What has changed is my own attitude; I have learned to accept her leadership.
Some submissive guys on this post say that if they are allowed any rights that means they are topping from the bottom. But if they tell their dominant wives that they categorically can't have any rights, isn't THAT topping from the bottom?
ReplyDeleteI wonder if those advocating for no rights are actually in a FLR/WLM, or are just fantasizing in unrealistic absolute terms.
Trina
FLR stands for female LED relationship where the woman has total authority over the man. Of course the man must develop trust in his female partner before he submits to this type of relationship. He must believe that she only wants what is best for him and their relationship. HOWEVER once he submits to an FLR then he should submit to her authority whether he likes or agrees with her decisions. He may give his opinion when asked for it, but ultimately he knows what she decides is final. He should never intentionally or unintentionally undermine her authority over him. It doesn’t matter what area of control that is involved: financial, social, sexual, health, chores, whatever.
ReplyDeleteThis kind of attitude towards FLRs gives me great pause on suggesting one or accepting one. A person must be allowed boundaries. We have boundaries at work with our bosses. In social situations we have boundaries (spoken or unspoken). As an individual nearing retirement age I definitely want financial boundaries maybe even my own access to the money I earn and my retirement savings. I would also like boundaries on decision making, especially on the scope of decisions that can be made or not made. I would also want bodily autonomy with my own body too. Plus I want to be treated as an adult even though she would be leading. Also I would like religious boundaries
DeleteI sure wish you guys would make up a name and use it so we have a clue who is who. To the guy talking about boundaries -- financial, decision-making, body autonomy, religious -- you can have all of that in a FLR/WLM. Being submissive does not mean you are a slave. At least one poor guy on here doesn't know the difference. Don't listen to him.
DeleteTrina
Trina: "I sure wish you guys would make up a name and use it so we have a clue who is who"
DeleteThe fact that this has been stated before by you and Mz. Kaylee and still not executed, is proof of the sincerity of the posters advocating total obedience to dominant women, wouldn't you say?
I wonder if any of the guys here who are espousing total obedience once the FLR has been initiated have ever gone through a divorce? I ask because if so, I would have to question why? It would seem to me that if pledged to permanent unwavering obedience and submission, that there could never be grounds to file for one. Furthermore, even IF divorced (maybe because it was her idea) that these guys would still be obligated to serve these women in any way they chose. I mean, a deal's a deal, right?
ReplyDeleteindeed
DeleteOr you can just have an equal partnership or even traditional marriage. Then use dominant/ submissive role play in the bedroom whenever you feel like it.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, some women think they are leading their relationship when they are not. I’m happy my wife is a true Leader in our marriage. She makes the decisions and takes responsibility for them. I just have to obey her.
ReplyDeleteThe Word Cuckolding always seems to start a fire storm on this or any other media platform. For some unknown reason the concept seems to be growing dramatically . The adult type podcasts have reported that anytime the subject is part of their broadcast the viewership seems to explode. I believe this is just another example of the hidden desires men have for powerful women. I find the concept of Cuckolding to be all,about power in a relationship and I believe it is foundational in a mature FLR. Now does that mean every woman will feel the need to express her power in this manner ? Absolutely not ! The idea of going outside a secure relationship for sex terrifies most women ……. But the freedom to ,if she so desires will greatly amplify the FLR dynamic for both the husband and wife . If you are a male in a FLR , open your mind to the concept and trust in her and your submission to her. If you are a woman and have Absolutely no interest , challenge the reason you feel this way and make sure your feelings are from the core of your person rather than societal expectations and expected behavior . A FLR is about empowerment ! Do not let the “to be or not to be “ idea be a stumbling block in your FLR . It is really pretty simple …… she will decide what works for her and your relationship !
ReplyDeleteJohn Dalton
I agree John. Nothing is sexier than a powerful, intelligent, attractive
Deletewoman with a successful professional career. A natural leader at home and in the office.
I disagree with John. If a FLR requires Cuckolding then a FLR is not worth mentioning to a girlfriend to me (I had been married before she passed away). I was looking for information and commented before. I also believe men should also be allowed to have hard limits based on their life situations. If having my girlfriend in charge of relationship requires Cuckolding then it is just not worth it.
DeleteAn older Midwestern Widower
FLR is no different than traditional relationships in that you have to find a woman you are compatible with. I’m sure you didn’t marry the first girl you ever dated. You have to find a woman who has similar values to yours or is able to accept them.
DeleteOlder Midwestern Widower,
ReplyDeleteMost of the dominant women here are telling you that you can be in a FLR/WLM with a hard limit against cuckolding. A couple of submissive men are telling you that you can't. As a potential submissive exploring your interest in FLR, who do you think you should be listening to???
Trina
A FLR is no different than any other relationship. Of course you can have hard limits and even hard limits change over time .I am not talking about a woman making demands on you or taking you somewhere you do not what to go . What I am trying to describe is the natural progression of the dynamic . The whole magic of a FLR is female empowerment. As you both grow in understanding it may be something you may find yourself open too or maybe not…… just let the Energy grow and enjoy the ride.
ReplyDeleteTake care
John Dalton
In the early days of the internet there was a blog by a Femdom / male slave couple that was very much an Old School Mistress and slave relationship. It involved all the classic imagery of dungeons, whips, costumes and strict protocols. But the typical story of a vanilla marriage that turned into a Femdom one. Reading it over the years you could watch their roles as Mistress and slave develop where She became more powerful and he was trained to be more obedient and submissive to Her. It seemed a perfect, very happy M/s relationship.
ReplyDeleteShe then brought a third party into their relationship - another Femdom. A lesbian Femdom. The relationship developed so that the two Women became lovers and the male a cucked and very harshly punished slave. It got more and more extreme. To the neutral observer it read like a train wreck. The Mistress clearly was losing interest in Her husband and was focusing more and more on her new lesbian lover. She was clearly submissive to Her new lover also.
The inevitable happened. One day the Mistress posted that She had returned home to find that Her husband had begun divorce proceedings. She was devastated. Many people posted supportive comments but pointed out that She had been abusing Her husband for a long time. She had put Her lover ahead of Her slave husband.
The blog became confusing at that point. Intermittent. I got the impression that he left Her. That the divorce did become final. She posted a handful of posts wailing about losing him but realising that She had only Herself to blame. Then the blog ended. Very sad.
I understand why the husband did what he did. Being a submissive/beta does not give another person permission to humiliate you in life. In my personal situation I would have prepared the papers much earlier. If I was in David's situation I would also be in communication with a Divorce Lawyer about my rights in Divorce proceedings.
DeleteA quiet be man who is annoyed when other quiet men are humiliated
I think most of the cuckold relationships you read about online are male fantasists who go just too far in their fantasy of what it would feel like to be in such a Mistress and slave relationship. (If you read enough BDSM blogs you get a good idea of what is truth and what is fantasy.). Thus I think you have to be very wary about whether you are reading something genuine or something that is an interesting, but also a potentially very dangerous, fantasy. (See my post above.).
ReplyDeleteThere are no doubt Mistress and slave relationships that involve cuckoldry. How the third party is found is always an interesting thought to me. What kind of man would be happy to participate in the fantasies that you often read where the male slave knees at the side of the bed whilst his Mistress Wife is rogered by Her lover? Seriously, how many men would actually be up to doing that? I suspect, not many.
I imagine it is not difficult for a married Mistress to find a lover - there are no shortage of men willing to have sex with a Woman, whether they know that She is married or whether they think that She is single. I suppose the cuckoldry is easier where the Mistress goes off to a pub or club, whilst her slave husband is bound & gagged at home, and picks up a stranger is not that hard for many Women to achieve. But that raises the obvious health dangers and physical safety aspects.
If the Mistress finds a man who wants to be Her longterm lover then, as I said above, there is a big difference from a married Woman finding a man who wants to have an affair with Her and finding a man who is willing to be Her lover knowing that She has a slave husband in the mix. Life takes alsorts of course and, in a world of 8 billion souls, I suppose there are numerous possibilities. As such, those determined to do this - cuckoldry as part of their Mistress & slave relationship - probably can and do actually do it.
If sleeping with other men is good for you how does that 'sit' with being in a loving female led relationship? If sleeping with other men helps your marriage then perhaps you should encourage your husband to sleep with other women? Perhaps, it's just that you want a submissive man so you can use and abuse him? That doesn't sound like a loving female led relationship does it.
ReplyDeleteCuckolding is primarily a male fantasy and there are many men that would love for their wife to be sleep with other men. All you need to do is read the comments on this post and you can see that. There are many people who live the cuckold life and have a loving female led relationship. In fact I've had others share with me that cuckolding has created a stronger intimacy between them (the husband and wife).
DeleteJust because you don't agree with it or it not something you like, does not mean it's wrong for others to do. A lot of people would say that I am cruel because I deny my husband orgasm, I make him do all the chores, I punish him, etc., etc. but yet we have a stronger relationship than most couples I know and we are completely in love with each other. It is because of my dominance that we have a strong relationship. Some things just can not be understood until you experience it yourself.
It is very hard to believe a very mild form of FLRs exists (that are based on monogamy). I would see a real life example of one. My situation is one where my wife is a much better leader and not because I am a worthless human being. I have my strengths and would like them used and acknowledged appropriately. I also do not believe in humiliation or punishment of an adult by a partner.
DeleteMy husband and I are monogamous. I believe as many FLRs are monogamous as in the general population. Everything we do is consensual. Yes, I spank him hard. And he has told me it would be a deal-breaker if there wasn't spanking in our relationship. He and I both believe my female authority is loving. Others may disagree, but who are they to judge? And if they do, we don't care.
ReplyDeleteTrina
I have very thin skin and the thought of being compared to another man just sickens me. I would lose all interest in the relationship even if this issue was even discussed. It would forever scar me with my partner no matter what she did to try to make it up to me. If her happiness needs to come at the expense of me it is too high of a cost even though she is the leader of the relationship.
ReplyDeleteOf course I am also thin skinned when it comes to criticism of the quality of my work at home too. I imagine deep down inside each of us is that way when we give it our all on a household task.
I have ED and I take personal offense when a female talks about taking a Bull. I find a female like that would definitely not have my best interests at heart. I know for sure in my mind and in my heart that kind of person would be incapable of leading a relationship between us. It would show in her lack of compassion in my medical issue. In my opinion a true leader looks after her submissive man. A Midwestern man.
Delete