In a FLR the wife should be actively employing techniques to motivate and control her husband. By better understanding the psychology of men and how it relates to the dynamics of a relationship, the wife or female leader can better motivate her husband or submissive while at the same time gain more control over the relationship. Let me use a chess game as an example. If two friends are playing chess and both have just a basic social interest in chess, then they most likely have equal odds of winning the game. However, if one of those friends (Friend A) takes a bigger interest in the game of chess and begins to study the strategy behind chess, he will learn techniques to win the game. He will learn to think ahead and make moves to lead his competitor into a no win position. The more Friend A studies and practices the strategy of chess, the more he increases his odds of winning and over time his friend will not be able to beat him. As the female leader, you need to become Friend A and study and employ techniques to motivate and control your husband or submissive.
One person who understands this well is Lady Misato, who is the author of "Real Women Don't Do Housework." With her permission, I have published an excerpt from her book below written by her which dives into the Psychology of a FLR. I can attest that the techniques she describes are effective and do work. I welcome discussion on this topic and encourage you to visit Lady Misato's website, which I have posted a link to in my favorite links section.
Real Women Don’t Do
Housework - Training
An unconditioned stimulus is any biologically or naturally
potent stimulus that elicits and unconditioned response. For the most part, we
are interested here in using sex as an unconditioned stimulus including,
obviously, intercourse but also virtually any sexual stimulation such as
rubbing his crotch through his pants. The unconditioned responses, then, are
arousal and orgasm.
A conditioned stimulus is any previously neutral stimulus
that acquires potency through an association with an unconditioned stimulus.
Lingerie, or more simply, your naked body, is a good example of conditioned
stimuli that are already well established. As a practical matter, you can’t
always use sexual stimulation to reward your husband for every good deed.
Conditioned stimuli are therefore critical to achieving your goals.
You will need to establish a number of simple conditioned
stimuli that you can use throughout the day, even in public. By far the
simplest and most versatile conditioned stimulus is your voice but you should
develop conditioned stimuli for all his senses including vision and smell.
This is another reason to talk to your husband during sex,
not only in foreplay but also during the throes of lovemaking. What you say,
how you say it, your tone of voice, all will become associated in his mind with
sex and will, over time, take on the attributes of being conditioned stimuli. I
call these “sexy voice” and “sexy phrases.”
Once you have established these conditioned stimuli you can
use them liberally throughout your daily life. When, for example, you wish to
make a demand of him, say to clean up after dinner, you simply adopt your sexy
voice and sprinkle your request with sexy phrases. These will not lose their
potency over time by overuse, but you should continually recharge them during
sex. Another conditioned stimulus you should establish is a special perfume. Smell is a very powerful sense that
moves us emotionally, often without our awareness. But while you may have a
regular subtle perfume that you usually wear, what you want is a distinctive,
strong perfume that you wear only during sex. Once this perfume is established
as your sexy perfume, you can use it to
resolve difficult confrontations with your husband. If you are having a
disagreement with him, you simply wear the sexy perfume. It will have a
profound effect on his demeanor and will induce him toward accommodation.
Operant Conditioning
Kylie: I’m a big
believer in rewarding good behavior. You can’t expect people to just do the
right thing.
Maxwell: She’s not subtle
about it at all.
Kylie: I call it
managing by touching. I make a point to touch him at last once when I check up
on his chores. And if he does a really good job, I give him a big wet kiss or
even call him over for a little heavy
petting.
Maxwell: I do enjoy
it.
Kylie: Sometimes I’m busy so he will
report back to me on the chores he’s done and then I take a break to reward
him.
Maxwell: To tease me.
Kylie: It’s all the same, really. Teasing is
rewarding. And it works; I haven’t done a lick of housework since.
Operant conditioning is the process by which the frequency
of a behavior is modified by the consequences of the behavior. You modify a
behavior under your husband’s control by manipulating and controlling the
consequences to him of the behavior. If positively reinforced, the likelihood
of the behavior being repeated increases. If punished, the likelihood of the
behavior being repeated decreases.
A positive reinforcement is any outcome that strengthens the
behavior through natural or associated potency. Sex is an obvious positive
reinforcement but any conditioned stimulus can serve as a positive reinforcement.
It is best to reward intermittently, even randomly, or at least to prevent him
from knowing when his behavior will be rewarded. Not knowing when the reward
will come, what the reward will be or how big the reward will be strengthens
the behavior. You might want to have sex one time, words of praise the next
time, a wet kiss the next time, a flash of your nipple another time. But note
that it is very discouraging to your husband if you simply make it harder and
harder to get a reward. Random variability, not rising expectations, is
critical.
What you reward is, primarily, obedience. And what you use
is, again, primarily sex and sexual stimulation. However, if you have
successfully established conditioned stimuli you can use those as well. For
example, as he is doing the dishes, you can rub his crotch and whisper sexy
phrases in his ear. Even simple words of praise in a sexy voice can have a
profound effect on his behavior.
Perpetual Reinforcement
Barbara: Jason has
become quite proficient with housework. My
friends are amazed at how neat and clean our house is.
Jason: I enjoy keeping the house orderly. She jokes that I’m
an OCD [obsessive-compulsive disorder] convert.
Barbara: Well, you weren’t always so fastidious. It took a
while for him to decide that the house
was his responsibility. When we were married he was the biggest slob.
Jason: Well, that was before you trained me to think
differently about it.
Barbara: [Winking] What do you think about now?
Jason: Oh, wow. [Taking a deep breath] To be quite honest,
doing the housework is a bit of a turn on for me now. Sometimes I get a hardon doing stuff around the house,
especially if I think about Barb watching me.
Barbara: [Touching Jason on the thigh] And I do watch you
when I have the time, you know. I make a point of supervising him from time to
time. Not so much now to make sure he’s doing it but more to add a little
something extra to the experience, if
you know what I mean.
Jason: Yeah, she means she likes to see my pants bulging
when I’m doing the housework.
Barbara: Then I know he’s enjoying it even when I’m away.
Interestingly, while doing chores is a behavior that you are
encouraging through positive reinforcement, it is very likely that certain
aspects of housework will become conditioned stimuli themselves. For example,
as you train your husband to wash the dishes, and reinforce that behavior, your
husband may learn to associate the experience of washing the dishes with sex.
The more consistent and powerful the reinforcement, the more likely and
strongly will be that association. Washing the dishes may actually arouse you
husband. Thus, over time, washing the dishes may become its own reward. Needless to say, once housework becomes its
own reward, he will want to do it regularly. You won’t even need to remind him.
