Ruined Orgasm Fun!

The ruined orgasm is a very useful tool for the dominant wife. If you are not familiar with a ruined orgasm, it is when all pleasure or pressure is removed from a guy's cock as soon as he starts to orgasm or just before his orgasm starts but after the point of no return.  The simplest example is when a wife strokes her husbands cock and stops stroking as soon as he starts to orgasm. The result is that he orgasms without any pressure around his cock and therefore after the initial burst of pleasure, all pleasure disappears even though he is cumming. He is basically robbed of having a full-blown orgasm.

So the bad part of the ruined orgasm (RO) is that he is robbed of his pleasure and that can be very frustrating for him. That's the only bad thing I can think of.  There are many 'Good' attributes of the RO for a submissive man. First, many men will remain erect after the RO or they will be able to become erect shortly after the RO. This allows the wife to continue to have fun with his cock. Second, most men will remain horny after the RO, thus avoiding "sub-drop" or drastically shortening the length of sub-drop. Sub-drop is the drained feeling that men get after an orgasm. It's like all their energy is sapped away and they become uninterested in sex, cuddling, or being with the wife. This drop occurs with most men, not just submissive men. However, in the FLR community it is referred to as sub-drop. For submissives, a real negative aspect of sub-drop is that they lose interest in being submissive to their partner and may become miserable or disobedient if she demands something of him. Sub-drop can last anywhere from a few hours to several days, depending on the person. When a man experiences a RO, usually there is either no drop or the drop period is very short. Therefore, he remains in a submissive and obedient mindset after RO.

Finally, another benefit of RO is that when it is purposely done by the wife, it is a direct form of control, and experiencing that control is exciting for submissives. As frustrating as the RO is for the guy, it also is exciting for him to be controlled like that. I recently gave my husband a RO after he had been denied orgasm for 9+ months. He had no idea it was coming  I was teasing his cock at the same time he was pleasuring me with his fingers. As my orgasm came closer, I stroked harder and when he begged for orgasm, I said "yes", which was a surprise for him because he always expects a "no". It took a second to register in his mind and then he got excited an pumped his cock hard into my hand. As soon as I knew his orgasm was starting I released his cock. My orgasm subsequently started. It was very humorous as he humped the air and moaned while he continued pleasuring me and bringing me to orgasm. When all was said and done, he sat across from me, still hard and a bit flustered.  "What happened," he asked. I giggled and said, "Did you like that?" He was still trying to make sense of it. Then he asked, "you did that on purpose?" When I said yes, I think his cock twitched and grew harder.  I think he was more horny afterward than before. lol!

ROs have also been used as punishments. If he has been disobedient, then his next orgasm will be a RO. On the flip side ROs can add spice and mystery to the WLM. There are many fun ways to incorporate it into your sex life. As described above, the surprise RO can be a lot of fun. However, a planned RO can be an exciting activity for both husband and wife. An example is the wife announces that she is going to allow a ruined orgasm. Then she strokes him until he starts to cum. As soon as he starts to cum she lets go of his cock. Of course it's even more fun if the wife does some teasing before the RO. There are many fun variations of this technique that can be experimented with:

• During the teasing, require him to ask for permission to cum each time he is about to cum. Give him a few 'no's before you finally say 'yes'. 
• Tease him ever so slowly holding him on edge as long as you can, until he finally can't control himself and he orgasms.  
• Give him a count down to cum. Try letting go when you get to 2 and see if he can still cum at 1. The most torturous RO is when the pleasure stops before the orgasm starts but after he is past the point of no return. It is quite fun to watch his cock twitch on its own and then see a dribble of cum spill out or a small spurt.

Using teasing with RO is good training for him as it conditions him to hold back his orgasm for you. It will help him build up his tolerance for riding the edge of orgasm. It is also a good way for the wife to learn how to anticipate his orgasm and discover different techniques to keep him on edge and drive him wild. Another fun approach is to have him masturbate and ruin his own orgasm. The wife can sit back and enjoy the show. The variations above can even be incorporated into his self-teasing. 

The last approach that I'll share, is one that I stumbled across by accident and is a real mind fuck for him. It requires cooperation from him and strong will power. I discovered it when we were having sex. My husband has gotten good at holding back his orgasm during sex so that I can orgasm without him having an orgasm (and this is a mind fuck for him in itself). However, sometimes it is difficult for him and I have to stop a few times to let him calm down. One time when he asked to stop, I was on the verge of orgasm and could not stop. I told him I didn't want him to cum and to not move and hold back as best he could. As always, I was on top and so I did not need him to move. He remained stiff as a board as my orgasm hit and I rode him hard. He was concentrating so hard but he could not hold back the orgasm. However, even when he started to ejaculate, he remained still and tried to suppress his orgasm. It was a powerful orgasm for me, but he missed all the pleasure because he was so focused on not cumming. It was a different type of RO because after his orgasm started, his cock was still engulfed by me. In fact I was having an orgasm at the same time so all the physical pleasures were present as he suppressed his orgasm. When I think about it, it was pretty amazing that he was able to remain still.

A few days afterward, my husband confessed to me that ever since he experienced the RO during sex, he had a very strong desire to have sex with me again. Not only was it a desire for sex, but it was a desire to thrust into me during sex. Well if you are a follower of my blog, you know that is problematic. First, it is rare that I even allow him the privilege of having his cock in me. Second, I am on top and in control whenever we have sex and he is not allowed to thrust into me, unless I order him to.in order to give me pleasure. Lastly, it is even more rare that he is allowed to orgasm during sex. Unfortunately for him the RO was his rare moment and it was not going to happen again anytime soon. I have to say it was really nice to be lusted after for several days :). I guess his mind and body knew it should have experienced orgasmic pleasure and it wanted a "re-do." Lol! It seemed that this type of RO had a stronger physical and mental effect on him than the RO where all pleasure was removed.

So there you have it ladies. If you want to really blow your guy's mind, have him promise to surpress his orgasm no matter what and then have fun trying to give him the best orgasm ever! As I said above, this will only work if he is committed to following your orders.

So tell me guys, would you rather be denied for a year or have a few ruined orgasms during the year?

-Mz Kaylee

The Annual New Year's Resolution Post

I have re-published this post from last year, with a few updates.  Enjoy!

This is the time of year that many people look forward to the coming year and think about what will they do better and how will they improve as a person. The typical resolutions you hear year-after-year include:

• Exercise more
• Eat healthier
• Be a better person
• Save more money
• Spend more time with family
• Get a new job
• Quit smoking

Wouldn't it be great if people thought about resolutions for their marriage?  It's not something I ever thought of until I transitioned to a WLM. One of the fascinating things for me about WLM, is that I am constantly assessing and re-assessing how things are working and looking for ways to make the WLM better (i.e. what can hubby do more of to make my life better :). If you don't do this, well I highly recommend that you do.

With a new year starting, there is no better time to take a step back and assess how the WLM is going, and then look forward and think about how you want your WLM to be in the next year. If your WLM went off the tracks and fell to the wayside, the New Year is a great excuse to bring it back to the forefront and try it again or revive it. Maybe you are not in a WLM, but you have been thinking about giving it a try. Now is the time to dive in! And if your WLM is humming along good, there's always room to try new things to keep the marriage exciting and fun. I enjoy trying new things throughout the year or changing up some of the rules and routines. It is fun and it helps keep Thomas motivated to serve me.

For the dominant wife, think about:

• What can I do better to motivate him to obey me and be my ideal submissive husband?
• What can I have him do to make my life better? 
• Added chores, activities, and/or responsibilities
• Better attitude; more listening.
• Being more proactive in serving you
• More pampering
• How can I be more dominant and strict with my husband?
• How can I add more structure to the WLM in a way that caters to his submissive desires while making my life easier?
• What new rituals or routines can I add to increase his devotion to me and improve his performance?
• Are there rules and routines that should be eliminated because they are just not adding value or to make room for new rules and routines?

When thinking about these questions and what you want, also think about specific actions you can do to make your resolutions and goals happen. Then set specific goals of how you will improve your WLM and dominance over your husband, and the steps you will take to achieve these goals. It's important to be specific and to identify the steps to achieve your goals. This will increase the probability that you will follow-through on your goals. For example, suppose your overall goal is to be more strict with your husband. If you set that goal and did not think about anything else, you are not likely to achieve the goal because it's very general and you've not identified the action items you need to do to be more strict. A better way to write the goal is: 

I will be more strict with my husband by doing the following:

• Telling him what to do and not asking
• Making a weekly list of tasks for him to complete 
• Providing him feedback immediately when I am not satisfied with his performance
• Disciplining or punishing him when he slacks off or disobeys.
• Holding him to high expectations.

The above goal is specific and contains action items and therefore, sets a clear path for you to achieve the goal, as well as measure how well you are progressing to achieving it. It is also important to write your goals down. Those who write their goals down are more likely to achieve them. Writing out your goals also provides a mechanism for you to review your goals regularly so that you stay on target. On a monthly basis, read through your goals to refresh what your plan is and refocus as needed. Finally make sure your goals are achievable. Don't try to do too much at once, or you'll stress yourself out. Think about spreading things out over the year.  I like to break the year up into quarters (every 3 months). If you want to keep it simple set goals for the first half of the year and goals for the second half of the year. Here's an example of quarterly goals:  Q1 (Jan-Mar): Become more strict, Q2 (Apr - Jun): Train him to do the laundry, Q3 (Jul - Sep): By September, he will be able to go 1 month without orgasm, Q4 (Oct - Dec): He will bathe me at least once a week. 

Don't get too worked up if you get off track or if something does not work out the way you planned. It's ok to be flexible and adjust goals if your situation changes. The key is to regularly review your goals and get back on track if you've gone off the rails a bit. Believe me, my WLM has gone off the rails several times in the past. The way I got back on track was to reset and re-establish rules and routines with Thomas. Usually I started with a punishment or tough discipline session with Thomas because that always gets him to refocus. Something I learned over the years is that the sooner you react to issues or challenges, the easier it is to recover and that it is never to late to get back on track. For example, In the goal above, I listed 5 action items. Suppose you started off the year and only did one action item. Don't let that discourage you. That is still progress. Doing one thing is better than doing none. Instead of giving up or beating yourself up over not doing the other four items, keep moving forward with the goal and try to do more.

It is rewarding when you set goals and achieve them, and for the WLM, it has a very positive impact on you and your marriage. Every year, I feel like my WLM progresses to a new and exciting level and that my husband and I grow closer together. When I look back over the years, I am amazed and how far I have come as a dominant wife and how much our marriage has changed for the better. It does not happen by itself. It takes commitment and planning, especially in the early years, but the payoff is well worth it.

Happy New Year!

-Mz Kaylee

The Final Version: 12 Days of a FLR Christmas

 On the 12th Day of Christmas My Mistress Gave to Me...

Twelve Golden Showers_

Eleven :Loads of Laundry.

Ten Lords for Cuckolding

Nine Ladies Trampling and Laughing 

Eight Maids a-Pegging

Seven Clothespins Pinching

Six Whips-a-Flaying_

Five Gold O Rings

Four calling Bells

Three French Cut Panties

Two Blue Balls

And a Paddle in a pair Tree!!!

Merry  Christmas!!  

Thanks all who participated.

-Mz Kaylee

Almost There! On the 10th Day of Christmas........

Fill in the blank:  

On the 10th Day of Christmas My Mistress Gave to Me....

Ten Lords ____________

Nine Ladies Trampling and Laughing 

Eight Maids a-Pegging

Seven Clothespins Pinching

Six Whips-a-Flaying_

Five Gold O Rings

Four calling Bells

Three French Cut Panties

Two Blue Balls

And a Paddle in a pair Tree!!!

I will pick a response to move on to the next round......

On the Ninth day of Christmas......

 Fill in the blank:  

On the 9th Day of Christmas My Mistress Gave to Me....

Nine Ladies __________

Eight Maids a-Pegging

Seven Clothespins Pinching

Six Whips-a-Flaying_

Five Gold O Rings

Four calling Bells

Three French Cut Panties

Two Blue Balls

And a Paddle in a pair Tree!!!

I will pick a response to move on to the next round......

On the Eight Day of Christmas My Mistress Gave to Me....

Fill in the blank:  

On the 8th Day of Christmas My Mistress Gave to Me....

Eight Maids _________

Seven Clothespins Pinching

Six Whips-a-Flaying_

Five Gold O Rings

Four calling Bells

Three French Cut Panties

Two Blue Balls

And a Paddle in a pair Tree!!!

I will pick a response to move on to the next round......

Submissive Birthday Fun

Birthdays in my house are something special. When it is my Birthday, I am treated like a Queen, pampered, showered with gifts, and not having to lift a finger.  It is my special day and I love it! On my submissive husband’s birthday, he gets a different type of treatment. Let’s just say that for me, it’s very similar to my Birthday.  I get pampered and treated like a Queen. What is different is that I do have to lift a finger. I lift a finger to order him to fetch me things and run errands for me. I lift a finger to give him one spank with my riding crop for every year of his life. He’s a few years past 50 so he was a little red afterward. Now don’t be concerned for him- they were playful spanks. I like to hold his cock while I spank him and he was practically cumming in my hand during the spanking. The bottom line is that on his birthday, the strict and demanding Mistress in me surfaces.

This year on his special day, I had him bathe me and shave my legs. Then I slipped into a latex mini-dress and black heels with studded straps around my ankles – one of his favorite outfits. Next, he was ordered to his knees to worship my shoes with his tongue. Soon after his tongue was worshipping my ass as a reminder of his place in our marriage. His next treat was an intense cock tease from me. I brought him to the edge of orgasm several times. Then I tied him to the bed and queened him until I came all over his face. So delicious!  Now you may think that the grand finale for him was an orgasm. Not so! I stopped giving him birthday orgasms several years ago, when he came up with this not so brilliant idea that he should be able to have sex with me on his birthday, without any control from me and no restrictions. In other words, have sex with me like a regular man. Ha! Was he crazy!  When he first suggested it to me, years ago a few weeks before his birthday, I kept my composure and told him I would think about it.  Then on his big day, I informed him that his request was denied!  I told him that he gave up that right the day he committed to a FLR and asked me to control him. I let him know that as a submissive husband he will never get to have unrestricted sex with me. I remember his cock getting harder the more I talked about this. I think he was dropping into subspace as he heard his fate laid out for him.

Back to his current night…after my orgasm, I left him tied to the bed to calm down, and then I went downstairs to relax.  About 30 minutes later, I untied him. Happy Birthday Husband!  The gifts on his birthday are quite fun too. I love the irony that the gifts I give him are things that make him mushy and weak for me and push him deeper under my control. This year it was a pair of silk and lace panties and a butt plug that is slightly larger than the current one he wears when doing errands for me. Out with the old and in with the new! On his birthday, I made him force the new plug into his ass and slip into his new silky panties. And yes, he was weak and all mushy for me in no time. Fun!

Hearing all this, one may think I am cruel and mean to my husband. I still laugh at how one year, many years ago, our young daughter saw me ordering my husband around and she said, “Mom, how come you are making Dad do all these things for you. It’s his birthday.”  My husband did not miss a beat, and said to her, “It’s okay. I enjoy doing these things for Mom. I like to make her happy.”  He was being totally honest.  For a submissive hubby, being subject to the control of the strict Mistress is a dream birthday. Years ago, I would ask my husband what he wanted for his birthday. His response was always the same – “You don’t need to buy me gifts. Just give me a night of intense domination.”  After a few years of hearing this, I finally stopped asking and just planned a fun day for him and me.

-Mz Kaylee

On the Seventh Day of Christmas My Mistress Gave to Me....

Fill in the blank: 

On the 7th day of Christmas my Mistress gave to me:

Seven _________

Six Whips-a-Flaying_

Five Gold O Rings

Four calling Bells

Three French Cut Panties

Two Blue Balls

And a Paddle in a pair Tree!!!

I will pick a response to move on to the next round......

On the Sixth Day of Christmas, My Mistress Gave to Me......

We are half way there! I am loving the responses, even many of the ones that did not move forward.  If your suggestion did not move forward, you can still suggest it on another day of Christmas.  

-Mz Kaylee

 Fill in the blank:  

On the 6th day of Christmas my Mistress gave to me:

Six _____________

Five Gold O Rings

Four calling Bells

Three French Cut Panties

Two Blue Balls

And a Paddle in a pair Tree!!!

I will pick a response to move on to the next round......

On the Fifth Day of Christmas, My Mistress Gave to Me...

Fill in the blank:  

On the 5th day of Christmas my Mistress gave to me:

Five Gold ________

Four calling Bells

Three French Cut Panties

Two Blue Balls

And a Paddle in a pair Tree!!!

On The Fourth Day of Christmas.....

Ahhhh.....Google decided to lock me out for a few days again for no apparent reason. So frustrating!. I am back again so let's get back on track with this!  

Fill in the blank:  

On the 4thth day of Christmas my Mistress gave to me:

Four calling ________

Three French Cut Panties

Two Blue Balls

And a Paddle in a pair Tree!!!

On the Third Day of Christmas....

 Fill in the blank:

On the third day of Christmas my Mistress gave to me:

Three French _________

Two Blue Balls

and a Paddle in a Pear Tree.

(I will choose a response to carry forward to the next day of Christmas)

On the Second Day of Christmas....

Fill in the blank: 

On the second day of Christmas my Mistress gave to me:

Two ____________

and a Paddle in a pear tree 

(I will choose a response to carry forward to the next day of Christmas)

On The First Day of Christmas....

 Fill in the blank:

On the first day of Christmas my Mistress gave to me a __________ in a pear tree.

(In a few days I will choose a response to carry forward to the next day of Christmas)

WLM in Good Times and Bad Times

Author Note: I wrote this post several months ago so the timing is off. I am happy to say that most of the challenges we were dealing with then, have been handled and we are emerging out of the stress and getting back to normalcy. I hope this post brings light to the realness of FLRs - that it is not all about sex and control. For those dealing with life challenges, I hope this post provides encouragement to work through those challenges and keep your eyes focused on the light at the end of the tunnel. I am writing this note now because together, my husband and I overcame the obstacles we experienced, and are getting back to a wonderful place. Keeping moving forward and stay positive!  -Mz Kaylee

Blogs, forums, and articles about WLM/FLR tend to focus only on the domination and sexual aspects of the relationship. This makes sense because that's what people want to read about and learn about. The downside to this narrow focus is that it can create a false picture of what a real WLM/FLR is like. A person could easily begin to think that a FLR leads to 24/7 and 365 days a year of intense domination and non-stop sexual fun. My current situation is a stark reminder that a FLR/WLM is not impervious to same external pressures that any other relationship deals with.

If it seems that I have not been very engaged in my blog lately, it's because I have a lot going on in my life now. The kids are home from college, which I am thrilled about, but it has disrupted many of the  fun, new routines that I have put in place for my husband. Not to mention, that having them home adds a new level of hecticness and craziness to the house! Then there is our parents. Both of our parents are at the age where they are needy and require more support. My husband's parents are the neediest, requiring extra care.  If you've had to care for an elder parent before, you know that not only does it consume more of your time, but it also creates added stress.

It really sucks when you've gotten into a good routine and things are humming along really good, and then something disrupts everything. It's been several weeks since my husband and I have had intimate time together so that means no orgasm for me. He's used to being denied orgasm, but there is a big difference between planned orgasm denial vs. no orgasm because you are too busy or stressed. It's certainly not enjoyable for him. So much of our routines have been put on hold. No weekly review sessions, no corner time, and no massages for me. It has all been necessary due to our current situation, which we have little control over.

This does not mean our WLM is not intact or is falling apart. It certainly is being tested, just like any relationship would be. However, he is still submissive to me and yields to my authority. He still wears pantie every day. Of course, that is the only underwear he owns now, so I guess he has no choice :).  He still has chores to do, but I have relaxed my expectations a bit and I have helped with some on days when I know he's stressed or consumed with activities related to his parents care. It's times like these when I have extra appreciation and respect for all the work that he does for me. It is a reminder to me of how lucky I am to have a submissive husband who is devoted to serving me and making me happy. I've been spoiled by having such an obedient husband and I've come to enjoy being pampered and pleasured whenever and however I want. It is a superior lifestyle!

The bottom line, is our relationship and love for each other rises above it all. I don't want him to be stressed. I want him to be happy. To help him get through this hard time, I have no issue taking back some of the work I imposed on him as part of his submissive duties. The crazy thing is that he would prefer things to be back to where they were a few months ago, when he was working hard for me and I was being strict with him and holding him to high standards. It's just not a realistic scenario right now.  I can tell that he is disappointed when I do things that are his duties. He will apologize to me when tasks are not done timely. During the day he will often come up to me and hug me and tell me he loves me and misses my body. Likewise, I will do the same to him and let him know that I will help him anyway I can. It may seem strange, but my control and strictness is a stress reliever for him and brings a sense of normalcy to his day. This is why I still expect him to do chores, make my coffees, and order him to refill my water when I am sitting watching TV. I have just relaxed my standards a bit and am helping as needed.

Our FLR dynamic is a natural part of our life now, so even with all the barriers and challenges we are facing, our FLR dynamic remains intact. It's just that many of the activities that enhance the experience and make it fun and exciting, are put on hold. We have our eyes set on the future, knowing that this is a temporary situation and we are taking steps to address the issues we are facing, with the goal of getting back to our normal routines. This is just a blip on roadmap of life. 

I share this post to let others know that even a mature FLR is not all fun and games and has it's challenges. It's important to be flexible with your arrangement and adjust rules, activities, and expectations as life throws your curve balls.  It is also important to work together to overcome those curve balls and stay focused on bringing things back to your ideal state.

-Mz Kaylee

 

Shaping My Husband

The ability to shape your husband into your perfect submissive is an exciting element of WLM. It is a powerful feeling when I realize he has been molded by me. It’s also fantastic because it means he has changed his behavior to something I desire and something that benefits me. Shaping does not happen overnight. It takes time, training, and conditioning. When you are shaping your husband, it is like breaking his habits and training him with new habits. Various research indicates it takes 18 to 254 days to break a habit. Shaping in a WLM is about changing lifelong learned behaviors, so my guess is that the timing is more towards the high end of the range (254 days). Some things require time and experience to get him to a mindset to want to do the desired behavior and so it may take years before the molding is complete.

What does it mean to be shaped? It is not just training him to do something. It is about creating a behavior or attitude that is instinctive for him. It is about changing his actual thought process. Let me give a few examples:

Chores: He does chores consistently to my expectations without me having to tell him what to do or when to do it. He gets satisfaction out of doing his chores and it bothers him when they are not done. My husband will often turn down requests to do things with his friends because he knows he needs to get his chores done.

Yielding to me: It is instinctive for him to yield to my decision making and to my desires. Arguing does not occur to him or is a very rare occurrence. When presented with options, it is instinctive for him to defer to me or to choose the option that benefits me rather than him.

Seeking my approval for social activities: He does not make plans without consulting with me. He will defer to me or direct friends to me when scheduling social activities as a couple. It is an automatic reaction to seek my approval versus him having to do it because I require it.

Sex: When he thinks about sex, he is thinking about orally pleasuring me and not PIV sex. He has no expectations for an orgasm or being on top. His pleasure comes from my pleasure, and he desires to be beneath me, pleasuring me.

Notice how in the examples above, the behaviors and things he is doing are instinctive or desired by him. That is when you know he has been shaped. These are all real examples of how my husband has been shaped. Things were not always that way with him. The shaping and conditioning occurred over many years. Some shaping occurred without us even realizing it. In some ways, I was even shaped by the experience, as I learned to be more dominate and controlling. These days I am more intentional about shaping, such as getting him to be more purposeful in his talking. Whether it’s purposeful or unintentional, it is exciting when I reflect on his behavior and thought process today versus years ago and I realize he is a different person because of my influence and control. 

How about for you submissives? Is it exciting to be shaped by your wife or female partner? When your thoughts and actions have been permanently influenced by female power, is that a huge mind fuck for you? How have you been shaped? Do you fantasize about being molded a certain way by your wife or girlfriend?

=Mz Kaylee

Follow-up post to "How Has Your FLR Progressed?" (Guest post by Buttercup)

Below is a post that was submitted to me by Buttercup, a Female leader, in response to my post earlier this year, asking how everyone’s FLR has progressed over time. It is wonderful and enlightening to hear other peoples real life experiences with FLR. Thank you Buttercup for sharing.  -Mz Kaylee 

 

It was just over a year ago that my BB (Bitch Boy) asked to move our interludes playing with a FLR into a 24/7 lifestyle.  In many ways it was an unknown destination that had been part of our 25 year marriage for a long time. Yet, it was still a shock to both of us to take the step and make the commitment. The longest we had gone with BB in chastity prior to this request was 8 months.  It had ended in a heated argument and extreme frustration on both our parts.

 

BB’s sexuality has been the driving force behind our early adoption of chastity as play and now the FLR.  I would say that up until a year ago my greatest contribution has been a willingness to participate in dress up and role-play scenes without (too much) judgement of his submissive mindset.  I never identified myself as dominant but some experimentation took me out of the submissive camp early on. But our play always revolved around the “fantasy.” His – not mine.  Me in corsets, and heels – teasing and denying him right to the edge. And then repeat.

 

It has taken me a long time to really wrap my head around the concept of a FLR.  There were many reasons for this but primarily:

1) it was always “play” and didn’t really extend to me having full control over anything

2) in “regular” life, BB has a very forceful, type ‘A’ personality that created certain dynamics in our relationship that aren’t easily set aside

3)I am, by nature, a giver and want to do for others. Demanding service from BB has required a significant mind shift.

 

Nevertheless, after two years of Covid and on the cusp of having teenagers ready to leave the nest, both of us were taking stock of what we wanted for the next phase of our life.  This was part of the lead up to the conversation of adopting a full time FLR. This may also be the right point to interject that monogamy as a concept was never something I fully understood or embraced.  BB’s absolute disinterest in any form of discussion on the subject boxed it into the fantasy category but a restlessness persisted in me – especially during the doldrums of child rearing.

 

It was a game changer that, when BB approached me about a full-time FLR, he acknowledged that full-control extended to my sexual exploration as well as his. If I wanted to take a lover, for example, he would have no choice but accept it. In my eyes this raised the stakes and levelled the playing field.  Finally, I could truly see something truly in it for ME. 

 

Now, since that time, I’ve realized that an FLR offers many things for me.  But that was definitely the hook.

 

A year later we have made a lot of progress turning our FLR into a workable lifestyle. We still have one child at home so our shifts have had to be subtle and often behind closed doors.  There have been a couple heated blow-ups but both of us agree that there is no “going back.” We can only continue forward in whatever form our relationship takes.  BB freely admits he is better under my control. And I, as his Queen, continue to broaden my control and flex my power while exploring the outer edges of my personal boundaries.

 

There are ebbs and flows to this dynamic like any relationship. But, our FLR is a constant topic of discussion between us.  What’s working, what’s not?  How do we manage it when one of us is away? How to keep BB in a submissive mindset? How often does he get to orgasm? What is the role of punishment and discipline? And of course, what about moving into a non-monogamous lifestyle (for me anyway)? I’ve decided that non-monogamy is something we’re not quite ready for.  There are too many kinks still to work out in our day-to-day FLR but it’s an exciting possibility on the horizon.

 

This move to an FLR has made us both feel like we’re embarking on a brand new relationship – even though we’ve been married for almost half our lives. The problems that we have, feel like good problems instead of a tired rehashing of the same marital conversations.  We have more honesty now with each other than at any other time of our relationship and our sexual chemistry has only gotten better. 

 

As BB’s Queen, the next 25 years will be under my control.  This is my world now – he just gets to live in it.

-Buttercup

The “Business” of WLM/FLR

I enjoyed Debbie’s post last month on “FLR in the Workplace.” What I like about Debbie’s thinking is that she is bringing forward learnings and skills from the FLR framework that can be applied by women in some form in the workplace. Much of what I have learned in my WLM has changed me as a person and has impacted how I conduct myself in the workplace. I am more confident because of WLM and I’ve become a better communicator. It’s also become second nature with me to be firm and straight forward in my dealings with men.

There are many similarities between how a female manages her submissive and how a manager oversees her workers. In this post, I’d like to flip the perspective that Debbie presented, and talk about how your FLR/WLM can be run like business. If you look at methods used by those leaders and managers whom are successful and effective in the workplace, you will find that many of the strategies can be used in the FLR/WLM. Let’s take a look at a few:

The Hierarchy Structure

Workplace: There is a clear hierarchy of who reports to who, and who has final say on decisions. Those higher in the hierarchy have authority and decision-making power over those lower in the hierarchy. If an employee has a different opinion than the boss, he understands that he must ultimately yield to the boss’s decision because of the boss’s authority and also because he recognizes that there would be negative consequences if he does not.

FLR/WLM: This same hierarchy and power should exist. The wife is at the top of the hierarchy in the relationship and the husband is beneath her. This reduces arguments and helps bring issues to closure quickly. When there are differing opinions, a submissive should yield to the Female as acceptance of his submission to her and as sign of his devotion to support and obey her and make her happy.

The hierarchy structure does not mean that those at the top of the hierarchy make all decisions or that they make decisions without seeking input for those below them. This would overwhelm the leader, will probably result in poor decisions, and will likely result in employees revolting or leaving. Effective leaders delegate tasks and decisions to others that are capable of handling them. For bigger, more complex decisions, effective leaders seek input from others, weigh the many factors to consider and then make the decision. Applying this same approach in the FLR/WLM will keep the Female from being overwhelmed, will make the submissive feel valued, and will empower and motivate him to serve his Goddess wife. A submissive who expects his wife to tell him everything to do, will overwhelm his wife and she will lose interest in the FLR/WLM.

Motivation Strategies

Workplace: Bonuses, raises, time off, or a gift, are one type of motivators. However, successful leaders employ other strategies to motivate employees to perform at a high level to accomplish goals. Motivational strategies include, letting employees know their purpose, setting clear and attainable goals, providing frequent positive and constructive feedback, building trust, letting employees know they are valued, learning what makes their employees tik and developing motivators specific to their needs.

FLR/WLM: Instead of money, sex and arousal are his primary motivators. Sexualize task as much as you can. Reward him with cock teases, orgasms, dressing up in lingerie, showing him your naked body, or earning the privilege of pleasuring you. Make sure he understands that his primary purpose in the WLM/FLR is to serve you, obey you, and make your life better. Establish clear expectations for him and daily and weekly goals (what chores are to be done and by what timeframe, proper attitude toward you, what decisions can he make on his own vs. when does he need your approval, etc.). Provide him with regular positive and constructive feedback. I use weekly review/discipline sessions for this.  Express your appreciation to him for being a good slave and making your life easier. Finally, a good practice is to understand his kinks and sexual “hot buttons.” What drives him wild with arousal and turns his mind to mush? These are the things that can be used to motivate him. For example, if he has a foot fetish and has been good, you can reward him by allowing him to worship your feet or give you a pedicure. Another approach is to give him a task to complete and tell him that if he does it perfectly to your expectations, he will be allowed to worship your feet.

Other Strategies

There are many other strategies from the workplace that can be applied to WLM/FLR such as planning, delegating work, doing employee reviews 😊, and training. So what do you think? If you apply the strategies of successful leaders and businesses to your WLM/FLR, do you think your relationship will be taken to a higher, more productive level? What workplace approaches can you apply to your relationship?

-Mz Kaylee

The Strange and Exciting Submissive Male

This post is a culmination of all the things I’ve learned about submissive men through my own experience with my husband, through hours and hours of reading I have done on FLRs/Femdom, and through the many people whom I’ve corresponded with over the years since I started “Femdom Think Tank.”  I was inspired to write this post from recent comments on the blog bout how chastity devices were barbaric and cruel. I often see comments on my posts where people say I am not loving or that they feel sorry for my husband. When I see these comments, it is obvious to me that they are from people who are not naturally submissive and do not understand the submissive mind. They don’t understand that there are thousands of men who dream of being locked in chastity and being held captive by a female. It is just how the submissive mind works! I can tell you with 100% confidence that my husband is happy and is living out his fantasy. He would be depressed if we went back to a normal marriage. There is also no debate that our marriage is loving. We are a very close couple and are very much in love with each other. Having a WLM has made us communicate with each other more frequently and openly and has strengthened the bond between us. I can understand how those who are not submissive would react in a negative way to some of the more extreme forms of domination. Hopefully this post will bring some understanding that female domination in a loving relationship is not about being cruel but is an expression of love. Enjoy! -Mz Kaylee

I believe that many men are naturally wired to be submissive. They are born this way. The Natural Born Submissive man thinks very differently about women and sex compared to other men. It is almost as if they live in a parallel universe…a 4th dimension. At first these submissive men just barely touch on that 4th dimension. It lives in their daydreams and fantasies. If they are lucky enough, they discover a female who taps into their submission and they are slowly or perhaps quickly immersed into this parallel universe.

Natural Submissive Men (NSM) have a much different attitude toward females and sexual situations compared to other men. They are on the shy side when it comes to sexual or intimate situations with new females. NSMs are hesitant to make the first move and are secretly hoping she does. In their fantasies, the women are almost always dominant towards them. The NSM fantasizes mostly about a woman strongly coming onto them or that the female is forcing them into a sexual or humiliating situation. Being tied up or captured by the female may be a recurring fantasy. As they delve deeper into their submissive fantasies, and become highly aroused, their fantasies become more bizarre or extreme. Some common themes that can become arousing for the NSM are being feminized, bound and spanked, teased about their small cock, treated like a dog, or being forced to eat their cum or drink their pee. Are these fantasies that non-submissive men have? Probably not. I’d venture a guess that most men would find these fantasies to be ridiculous and off-putting. The NSM may feel ashamed after masturbating to these fantasies but he can never stop himself from having such bizarre fantasies.

So far I’ve just touched on the fantasy aspects of the NSM. It is unfortunate that a lot of these men never make it past the fantasy stage because of social norms that make them feel embarrassed or afraid to admit their submissive desires to a female. I would also imagine it is a challenge to find females willing to entertain these desires. For those men who are lucky enough to find a female who is willing to tap into his submission….well that’s when things get real interesting….That’s when they move into that parallel universe.

The NSM has a deep burning desire to feel controlled and manipulated by a female. Succumbing to her authority is arousing to him. Being seduced by her into doing something humiliating or against his will is arousing to him. The particular scenarios that excite him may vary from one man to another but the overarching idea of being seduced or manipulated is what arouses naturally submissive men. So a common theme here is arousal. Yes, the NSM is highly driven by his dick. Of course, that is the one thing he has in common with most men (Ha! ha!). The difference is that NSM’s arousal is derived from being submissive whereas other men are aroused by more typical sex scenarios. In fact, the submissive scenarios would likely be a turn-off to other men and seem bizarre and even cruel. On the flip side, the typical man’s fantasy may seem too dull or normal to the submissive man.

So the NSM who connects with a dominant woman, suddenly finds that some of his fantasies become his reality. He craves for his girlfriend/wife/Mistress to be strict with him. He wants to be punished. He wants to be spanked and humiliated by her. These things give him an erotic rush. His desire for the rush is so strong and he knows these things are not typical and so he is willing to do whatever it takes to please the woman in order to experience these things. Her acknowledgement of his submissiveness and kinks is acceptance of him, and that make him feel good.

The exciting and a bit dangerous thing about submission, is that it is addictive. When a female taps into his submission, it is exciting for him and it is never enough. The more she taps into it, the more he wants it. This is what creates power for the female. The dominate female uses that power to force obedience from the submissive. This is where we enter the 4th dimension that is highly misunderstood by those who are not submissive or dominant. In this dimension, humiliation, manipulation, and punishment are accepted and part of the norm. Orgasm control, and yes – locking up his dick, are not only accepted, but are exciting aspects of the relationship for many people.

The smart dominant woman uses these tools to motivate her man to serve her, work hard for her, and elevate her to a Goddess status. It is not cruel at all. Quite the contrary it is a win-win…a perfect symbiosis. He gets to live out his fantasies and she gets to live like a Queen. Furthermore, when he is in a meaningful relationship and channels his submissive craving towards serving his partner, suddenly his need for domination becomes meaningful and fulfilling as opposed to just empty fantasies.

I refer to it all as a parallel or 4th dimension, because to the typical person, the inner workings of a FLR seems cruel, strange, and perverted. However, when you are in this parallel universe, immersed into a loving female led relationship, these “strange and cruel” things are actually motivators and acts of love. My husband lives in this parallel universe. It always amazes me at how much he wants to feel my control. He thinks about it and desires it on a daily basis. Orgasm control and the use of longer term orgasm denial has made his desire to be controlled even stronger. When I tease his cock to the brink of orgasm over and over again, his mind transforms and he wants to be completely dominated, humiliated and manipulated. This is his sub-space. It is like the more perverted or more extreme the humiliation I exert, the more exciting it is for him. When he is in sub-space, I can make him do or agree to just about anything. It is exciting for him and it is exciting for me to have complete control over him.

By the time I’ve pushed my husband into that subspace, I am also highly aroused because it is exciting for me to see him consumed in his arousal and completely subservient to me. Most times, I will take advantage of the situation by ordering him to pleasure me ins some way or I will be very dominant during sex, using him like my own personal sex toy. It always makes for great sex. While that is a fantastic scenario for him, it is not his ideal outcome. Remember, in his crazed aroused state, he desires perversion or humiliation. On Some occasions I will entertain that desire. I may gag him with my used panties or order him to worship my ass with his tongue or I may take him over my lap and spank him with my riding crop. I’ve collared and leashed him and walked him around like a dog. Making him stand perfectly still while I inspect his body is another fun thing to do. Something totally unexpected that I discovered, is often times these weird kinky moments become deeply intimate and bring us closer together as couple.  Weird right? If I had not experienced it, I would not believe it myself but it is true and I have had others share that they have experienced the same type of emotional bonding. My sense is that the willingness of both partners to let go of their inhibitions and be vulnerable with each other, allows them to connect on a deep level. It is amazing and very exciting.

It seems to me (and I could be wrong), that this deep level of intimacy with female domination can only occur in relationships where there is trust and love. When there is both trust and love, each person can completely open up and be vulnerable without concern. I mentioned earlier that the nature of NSM can be dangerous. NSM are vulnerable to strong dominant women and if a woman has bad intentions, then NSM are susceptible to be taken advantage by her and to being hurt. For this reason, it is important for the male in a newer FLR to set boundaries and approach the FLR with caution.

However, the naturally submissive man who finds himself in a loving female led relationship, will find bliss and fulfillment is serving and yielding to her. He knows that her dominance and control are acts of love.

-Mz Kaylee

How Has Your FLR Progressed?

In many of the comments and in some of the profiles on this blog, people often mention they are new to the Female Led Relationship (FLR) lifestyle or just starting out.  I like to hear that those new to exploring FLR are visiting my blog, because the main purpose of my blog is to teach others about FLR and help them along in their journey of discovering the greatness of FLR.

I'd like to hear from those of you that have recently started a FLR (within the last 5 years). How have you been moving along in your FLR journey? What are things that you like and what are your biggest challenges and frustrations. Are you stuck?  If anyone has given up on the lifestyle and are still checking in with this blog, please share why you gave it up.  

If you comment, please indicate how long ago you started experimenting with FLR. Those more experienced in FLR are welcome to comment as well.

-Mz Kaylee