Sub Treats with a Twist

When reading about female domination and FLR's, a common theme is punishments.  Very little is written about positive reinforcement.  I believe that positive reinforcement is an effective method for motivating your submissive partner and keeping him obedient to you.  Training men is similar to teaching a child or even training a dog.  A child who is applauded for doing a good job, beams with joy and is encouraged to continue to do good and try harder. A dog will go crazy and do whatever he needs to please his owner in order to get a treat. Why not apply similar logic to training your submissive partner?

One thing I have learned over the years is that submissive men get excited and aroused from knowing they are pleasing their Dominant partner.  If what they are doing is pleasing the Dominant partner either sexually or in a non-sexual way, then they are motivated to continue to do it even if it is not something they want to do.  This feminine power over men is something that many women (including myself) enjoy and become addicted to.

A simple example of positive reinforcement is stating your pleasure with a task he did such as, "You folded my shirts nicely when you put them away.  Thank you for doing that.  It makes my drawer neat and organized and that makes me happy." In the bedroom it could be something like, "I love it when you kneel before me.  You look submissive and that excites me."  Notice that the statements are giving positive feedback and stating how the behavior makes the Dominant partner feel.  The combination of these two items motivate the sub to continue with the good behavior and continue to please.

There is a lot that can be written on this topic.  In this post I will focus on using treats to motivate.  I am going to narrow the topic even further to Treats with a Twist. The 'twist' is that the treats not only reward the sub for past behavior but they also reinforce your dominance and push him deeper into submission.  This is the mental part of domination.  I absolutely love the mental or psychological part of dominance.  I enjoy teasing and toying with Thomas's mind.  He loves it to.  He calls it the mind fuck.  He has confessed to me that he loves this the most about our FLR.  He enjoys that he never knows what to expect from me and he finds it thrilling when I get him into situations where he does not know how to respond or he finds himself doing thins he never imagined doing before.

I plan to write more about mental domination and the mind fuck but let's get back to the treats with a twist. The idea here is to find something that he might view as a punishment or as increased dominance and control over him and use that as a reward.  For example, a normal treat that I might reward Thomas with is buying him a pack of Snickers bars (He loves em.  What can I say...He is a simple guy).  However, instead of the normal treat, one day I bought him several pairs of panties.  I had them gifted wrapped and made him open them.

If you've read my previous posts you know that I frequently have Thomas in panties.  He always gets excited when he pulls on panties but at the same time he still feels embarrassed about them.  I love that dynamic.  By giving him panties as a treat, I am calling out that he loves to wear panties, even though it's something he has a hard time admitting to without blushing. When he saw the panties, I said,"  I know how much you love wearing panties for me and so I bought these pretty panties as a treat for you for your good behavior. You can wear them all week."It's almost reverse psychology and it has a wonderful effect on his mind.

There are endless ideas for this.  To help get your mind thinking here are a few more:

• "...Go get your chastity device.  I know how much you love being locked up for me and giving me complete control of your cock.  For being such a good boy, you can wear your chastity device until I decide otherwise.
• "For your reward, you can kneel before me and worship my feet with your tongue.
• "You did a great job with the kids last night..as a special treat you can pleasure my body tonight.
• "For being so good you may hand wash my panties and delicates this week.  I know how much you enjoy touching them and looking at them.

The fun in all this..or the mind fuck, is that the reward he is getting is linked to serving the Dominant or about being more submissive.  It is not an unconditional reward the he goes off and enjoys by himself.

It is certainly up to you if you want to use these ideas or how frequently to use them.  There should be no expectation of rewards or treats from your sub.  These are just techniques that can be introduced to motivate your sub and push him deeper into submission.  Everyone is different and you should use what ideas and techniques appeal to you.

Please share your thoughts and examples of positive reinforcement that has been used in your relationship.  I know there are readers out there and I encourage you all to comment.

 

Punishment for Thomas

 Last week Thomas raised his voice to me.  It was very uncharacteristic of him but nonetheless it was not acceptable.  At the time I was in a hurry to get to a nail appointment and not ready to argue with him. I said a few parting words and left.

When I arrived for my appointment, I took a few moments to send him a text.  I expressed my displeasure in his behavior and indicated that it was unacceptable and I should not be treated that way.  As a punishment, he would not be allowed to go to poker night with his friends the next day.

His reply was a simple "o.k.  You are right I am so sorry."

When I arrived back home he apologized to me again.  He missed his poker night and we were both fine and back to normal the next day.  I think this is a big advantage of a FLR.  He accepted his punishment without issue and we moved in.  I would guess that in many relationships, this situation would have ended in an argument or perhaps each person harboring negative feelings for an extended period of time.  It works great for us that I have the final say, I issue punishments when needed and he accepts them.  When the punishment is over we are back to normal.

A follow-up on Randomness

After I wrote my last post on the three R's of a Female Led Relationship, I had a wonderful memory of an experience that relates to the Randomness R.  If you read my previous post, what I am referring to is adding variety into your relationship.

This particular memory was about Thomas kneeling before me naked and reading back to me rules of the house.  I got the idea of doing this from a video clip that I watched.  I don't recall where I saw this clip as it was many years ago. 

What I do remember is seeing a beautiful mistress sitting comfortably across a plush chair.  She was sideways with her back resting against the back corner of the chair and her stocking covered legs dangling over the edge of the chair.  She wore a short black silk night gown.  In one hand was a glass of red wine and in the other was a thick chain leash.  At the other end of the leash was her husband.  He was kneeling on the side of the chair where her feet dangled. He was naked except for the thick chain leash around his neck. 

In front of him was a book that he was reading rules from. The Mistress sat comfortably and sipped wine while she listened to her husband read how he would obey her.  Occasionally she would respond in a firm authorities tone, "Yes..Good boy". Often she would tug his leash hard and command "Repeat" or Again!".  The slave would repeat the rule. 

I absolutely loved this scene.  She looked majestic, powerful, and queen like, while he looked submissive and needy.    I watched the clip several times and decided that it was something I wanted to do with Thomas.

I re-created the scene in our house.  I had Thomas type up a list of all the rules that he was already following.  Then I took his list and added a few new ones. One of my favorite rules that came from the video clip was "In our house the word husband means slave."  I made that rule #1.  I had Thomas fetch me a glass of wine and then put a leash on him and had him kneel at my feet.  It was a thrill to tug on the leash and tease him a bit while he read back the rules.  We both enjoyed the situation immensely.

I wanted to share this experience with you, to show an example of how Randomness can add fun to the relationship.  I encourage all of you look for ways to add variety into your relationship.

-Mz Kaylee