The Annual New Year's Resolution Post

I have re-published this post from last year, with a few updates.  Enjoy!

This is the time of year that many people look forward to the coming year and think about what will they do better and how will they improve as a person. The typical resolutions you hear year-after-year include:

• Exercise more
• Eat healthier
• Be a better person
• Save more money
• Spend more time with family
• Get a new job
• Quit smoking

Wouldn't it be great if people thought about resolutions for their marriage?  It's not something I ever thought of until I transitioned to a WLM. One of the fascinating things for me about WLM, is that I am constantly assessing and re-assessing how things are working and looking for ways to make the WLM better (i.e. what can hubby do more of to make my life better :). If you don't do this, well I highly recommend that you do.

With a new year starting, there is no better time to take a step back and assess how the WLM is going, and then look forward and think about how you want your WLM to be in the next year. If your WLM went off the tracks and fell to the wayside, the New Year is a great excuse to bring it back to the forefront and try it again or revive it. Maybe you are not in a WLM, but you have been thinking about giving it a try. Now is the time to dive in! And if your WLM is humming along good, there's always room to try new things to keep the marriage exciting and fun. I enjoy trying new things throughout the year or changing up some of the rules and routines. It is fun and it helps keep Thomas motivated to serve me.

For the dominant wife, think about:

• What can I do better to motivate him to obey me and be my ideal submissive husband?
• What can I have him do to make my life better? 
• Added chores, activities, and/or responsibilities
• Better attitude; more listening.
• Being more proactive in serving you
• More pampering
• How can I be more dominant and strict with my husband?
• How can I add more structure to the WLM in a way that caters to his submissive desires while making my life easier?
• What new rituals or routines can I add to increase his devotion to me and improve his performance?
• Are there rules and routines that should be eliminated because they are just not adding value or to make room for new rules and routines?

When thinking about these questions and what you want, also think about specific actions you can do to make your resolutions and goals happen. Then set specific goals of how you will improve your WLM and dominance over your husband, and the steps you will take to achieve these goals. It's important to be specific and to identify the steps to achieve your goals. This will increase the probability that you will follow-through on your goals. For example, suppose your overall goal is to be more strict with your husband. If you set that goal and did not think about anything else, you are not likely to achieve the goal because it's very general and you've not identified the action items you need to do to be more strict. A better way to write the goal is: 

I will be more strict with my husband by doing the following:

• Telling him what to do and not asking
• Making a weekly list of tasks for him to complete 
• Providing him feedback immediately when I am not satisfied with his performance
• Disciplining or punishing him when he slacks off or disobeys.
• Holding him to high expectations.

The above goal is specific and contains action items and therefore, sets a clear path for you to achieve the goal, as well as measure how well you are progressing to achieving it. It is also important to write your goals down. Those who write their goals down are more likely to achieve them. Writing out your goals also provides a mechanism for you to review your goals regularly so that you stay on target. On a monthly basis, read through your goals to refresh what your plan is and refocus as needed. Finally make sure your goals are achievable. Don't try to do too much at once, or you'll stress yourself out. Think about spreading things out over the year.  I like to break the year up into quarters (every 3 months). If you want to keep it simple set goals for the first half of the year and goals for the second half of the year. Here's an example of quarterly goals:  Q1 (Jan-Mar): Become more strict, Q2 (Apr - Jun): Train him to do the laundry, Q3 (Jul - Sep): By September, he will be able to go 1 month without orgasm, Q4 (Oct - Dec): He will bathe me at least once a week. 

Don't get too worked up if you get off track or if something does not work out the way you planned. It's ok to be flexible and adjust goals if your situation changes. The key is to regularly review your goals and get back on track if you've gone off the rails a bit. Believe me, my WLM has gone off the rails several times in the past. The way I got back on track was to reset and re-establish rules and routines with Thomas. Usually I started with a punishment or tough discipline session with Thomas because that always gets him to refocus. Something I learned over the years is that the sooner you react to issues or challenges, the easier it is to recover and that it is never to late to get back on track. For example, In the goal above, I listed 5 action items. Suppose you started off the year and only did one action item. Don't let that discourage you. That is still progress. Doing one thing is better than doing none. Instead of giving up or beating yourself up over not doing the other four items, keep moving forward with the goal and try to do more.

It is rewarding when you set goals and achieve them, and for the WLM, it has a very positive impact on you and your marriage. Every year, I feel like my WLM progresses to a new and exciting level and that my husband and I grow closer together. When I look back over the years, I am amazed and how far I have come as a dominant wife and how much our marriage has changed for the better. It does not happen by itself. It takes commitment and planning, especially in the early years, but the payoff is well worth it.

Happy New Year!

-Mz Kaylee

On the Seventh Day of Christmas My Mistress Gave to Me....

Fill in the blank: 

On the 7th day of Christmas my Mistress gave to me:

Seven _________

Six Whips-a-Flaying_

Five Gold O Rings

Four calling Bells

Three French Cut Panties

Two Blue Balls

And a Paddle in a pair Tree!!!

I will pick a response to move on to the next round......

On The Fourth Day of Christmas.....

Ahhhh.....Google decided to lock me out for a few days again for no apparent reason. So frustrating!. I am back again so let's get back on track with this!  

Fill in the blank:  

On the 4thth day of Christmas my Mistress gave to me:

Four calling ________

Three French Cut Panties

Two Blue Balls

And a Paddle in a pair Tree!!!

The Strange and Exciting Submissive Male

This post is a culmination of all the things I’ve learned about submissive men through my own experience with my husband, through hours and hours of reading I have done on FLRs/Femdom, and through the many people whom I’ve corresponded with over the years since I started “Femdom Think Tank.”  I was inspired to write this post from recent comments on the blog bout how chastity devices were barbaric and cruel. I often see comments on my posts where people say I am not loving or that they feel sorry for my husband. When I see these comments, it is obvious to me that they are from people who are not naturally submissive and do not understand the submissive mind. They don’t understand that there are thousands of men who dream of being locked in chastity and being held captive by a female. It is just how the submissive mind works! I can tell you with 100% confidence that my husband is happy and is living out his fantasy. He would be depressed if we went back to a normal marriage. There is also no debate that our marriage is loving. We are a very close couple and are very much in love with each other. Having a WLM has made us communicate with each other more frequently and openly and has strengthened the bond between us. I can understand how those who are not submissive would react in a negative way to some of the more extreme forms of domination. Hopefully this post will bring some understanding that female domination in a loving relationship is not about being cruel but is an expression of love. Enjoy! -Mz Kaylee

I believe that many men are naturally wired to be submissive. They are born this way. The Natural Born Submissive man thinks very differently about women and sex compared to other men. It is almost as if they live in a parallel universe…a 4th dimension. At first these submissive men just barely touch on that 4th dimension. It lives in their daydreams and fantasies. If they are lucky enough, they discover a female who taps into their submission and they are slowly or perhaps quickly immersed into this parallel universe.

Natural Submissive Men (NSM) have a much different attitude toward females and sexual situations compared to other men. They are on the shy side when it comes to sexual or intimate situations with new females. NSMs are hesitant to make the first move and are secretly hoping she does. In their fantasies, the women are almost always dominant towards them. The NSM fantasizes mostly about a woman strongly coming onto them or that the female is forcing them into a sexual or humiliating situation. Being tied up or captured by the female may be a recurring fantasy. As they delve deeper into their submissive fantasies, and become highly aroused, their fantasies become more bizarre or extreme. Some common themes that can become arousing for the NSM are being feminized, bound and spanked, teased about their small cock, treated like a dog, or being forced to eat their cum or drink their pee. Are these fantasies that non-submissive men have? Probably not. I’d venture a guess that most men would find these fantasies to be ridiculous and off-putting. The NSM may feel ashamed after masturbating to these fantasies but he can never stop himself from having such bizarre fantasies.

So far I’ve just touched on the fantasy aspects of the NSM. It is unfortunate that a lot of these men never make it past the fantasy stage because of social norms that make them feel embarrassed or afraid to admit their submissive desires to a female. I would also imagine it is a challenge to find females willing to entertain these desires. For those men who are lucky enough to find a female who is willing to tap into his submission….well that’s when things get real interesting….That’s when they move into that parallel universe.

The NSM has a deep burning desire to feel controlled and manipulated by a female. Succumbing to her authority is arousing to him. Being seduced by her into doing something humiliating or against his will is arousing to him. The particular scenarios that excite him may vary from one man to another but the overarching idea of being seduced or manipulated is what arouses naturally submissive men. So a common theme here is arousal. Yes, the NSM is highly driven by his dick. Of course, that is the one thing he has in common with most men (Ha! ha!). The difference is that NSM’s arousal is derived from being submissive whereas other men are aroused by more typical sex scenarios. In fact, the submissive scenarios would likely be a turn-off to other men and seem bizarre and even cruel. On the flip side, the typical man’s fantasy may seem too dull or normal to the submissive man.

So the NSM who connects with a dominant woman, suddenly finds that some of his fantasies become his reality. He craves for his girlfriend/wife/Mistress to be strict with him. He wants to be punished. He wants to be spanked and humiliated by her. These things give him an erotic rush. His desire for the rush is so strong and he knows these things are not typical and so he is willing to do whatever it takes to please the woman in order to experience these things. Her acknowledgement of his submissiveness and kinks is acceptance of him, and that make him feel good.

The exciting and a bit dangerous thing about submission, is that it is addictive. When a female taps into his submission, it is exciting for him and it is never enough. The more she taps into it, the more he wants it. This is what creates power for the female. The dominate female uses that power to force obedience from the submissive. This is where we enter the 4th dimension that is highly misunderstood by those who are not submissive or dominant. In this dimension, humiliation, manipulation, and punishment are accepted and part of the norm. Orgasm control, and yes – locking up his dick, are not only accepted, but are exciting aspects of the relationship for many people.

The smart dominant woman uses these tools to motivate her man to serve her, work hard for her, and elevate her to a Goddess status. It is not cruel at all. Quite the contrary it is a win-win…a perfect symbiosis. He gets to live out his fantasies and she gets to live like a Queen. Furthermore, when he is in a meaningful relationship and channels his submissive craving towards serving his partner, suddenly his need for domination becomes meaningful and fulfilling as opposed to just empty fantasies.

I refer to it all as a parallel or 4th dimension, because to the typical person, the inner workings of a FLR seems cruel, strange, and perverted. However, when you are in this parallel universe, immersed into a loving female led relationship, these “strange and cruel” things are actually motivators and acts of love. My husband lives in this parallel universe. It always amazes me at how much he wants to feel my control. He thinks about it and desires it on a daily basis. Orgasm control and the use of longer term orgasm denial has made his desire to be controlled even stronger. When I tease his cock to the brink of orgasm over and over again, his mind transforms and he wants to be completely dominated, humiliated and manipulated. This is his sub-space. It is like the more perverted or more extreme the humiliation I exert, the more exciting it is for him. When he is in sub-space, I can make him do or agree to just about anything. It is exciting for him and it is exciting for me to have complete control over him.

By the time I’ve pushed my husband into that subspace, I am also highly aroused because it is exciting for me to see him consumed in his arousal and completely subservient to me. Most times, I will take advantage of the situation by ordering him to pleasure me ins some way or I will be very dominant during sex, using him like my own personal sex toy. It always makes for great sex. While that is a fantastic scenario for him, it is not his ideal outcome. Remember, in his crazed aroused state, he desires perversion or humiliation. On Some occasions I will entertain that desire. I may gag him with my used panties or order him to worship my ass with his tongue or I may take him over my lap and spank him with my riding crop. I’ve collared and leashed him and walked him around like a dog. Making him stand perfectly still while I inspect his body is another fun thing to do. Something totally unexpected that I discovered, is often times these weird kinky moments become deeply intimate and bring us closer together as couple.  Weird right? If I had not experienced it, I would not believe it myself but it is true and I have had others share that they have experienced the same type of emotional bonding. My sense is that the willingness of both partners to let go of their inhibitions and be vulnerable with each other, allows them to connect on a deep level. It is amazing and very exciting.

It seems to me (and I could be wrong), that this deep level of intimacy with female domination can only occur in relationships where there is trust and love. When there is both trust and love, each person can completely open up and be vulnerable without concern. I mentioned earlier that the nature of NSM can be dangerous. NSM are vulnerable to strong dominant women and if a woman has bad intentions, then NSM are susceptible to be taken advantage by her and to being hurt. For this reason, it is important for the male in a newer FLR to set boundaries and approach the FLR with caution.

However, the naturally submissive man who finds himself in a loving female led relationship, will find bliss and fulfillment is serving and yielding to her. He knows that her dominance and control are acts of love.

-Mz Kaylee

FLR When Around Others (Guest Post by Robert)

 I’m hoping wives and submissive husbands will share how their FLR is maintained when the

two of you are around others or out in public and you don’t want to offend or upset anyone.

I know when home we’re disciplined in many ways and reminded of our status, but in

public, how is it done?

I’ll share some of our ways and hope you’ll share some of yours. Simple things like always

opening any door for her, including the car coming and going, always replying “yes, ma’am,”

or “no, ma’am” when spoken to, and not speaking unless spoken to (with the rare exception

when we’re grocery shopping together and I may see a good deal or remember an item we

forgot to put on our list and may point it out), and the like. 

Also, as with many in FLRs, we know that though our penis is attached to me, it belongs to

her… even when it’s just a hose. Fittingly, I’m required to ask permission to use a rest room

when out and about. Permission is usually immediately given, but can be denied or delayed.

I can only recall once when I didn’t ask permission and just told her I was going to the rest

room while we were at Target. She immediately stopped me and reminded me I had to ask

permission, which I quickly did while also apologizing. “Not yet,” is all she said.

She told me to go to the adult diaper section and buy a small package in my size. With some

trepidation, I did as I was told. Once we were back in the car, she put a diaper in a cloth bag

and told me to go back to the men’s room at Target and put it on, placing the panties I was

wearing in the bag and then come back. With a red face, I obeyed. Finally, as she was

driving us home, she asked if I still needed to use the rest room. I had been needing to pee

for quite a while and told her “yes, please” and she said I could go ahead and do it there. I

then did as I was told and she suddenly “remembered” something we’d forgotten at Target.

Stopping at the grocery store, she told me to go in and get it, which I did, feeling the wet

diaper and hoping no one could tell I was wearing it. I was finally allowed to remove my

diaper and clean myself up about two or three hours after we go home, having had to fill it

one more time.

I’ve never forgotten to ask permission again as I know each car’s trunk has a diaper.

In the summer, we like to have another couple or two over for happy hour in our lovely back

yard now and again. The daughter of a bar keeper, she likes to mix the drinks. A day or two

before company comes, I am often required to masturbate into a glass (of course, she

supervises). She adds about an equal amount of water and freezes the contents in a special

ice cube tray. When making the drinks, my glass has my special “cum cubes” while everyone

else has regular rocks. As they melt in the whisky, I can see my semen as I slowly enjoy my

drink, knowing I’m pleasing her by being submissive.

I hope others can share their thoughts and methods. Thanks so much.

Robert, a submissive husband

Taking Ownership of the Bedroom

In the comments section of the "Submissive Refresh" post there are several comments about bedroom control. Some of you have shared in the past that you/your husband have been required to sleep in a separate bedroom either permanently or on a temporarily basis. There are times where I have made Thomas sleep in the guest bedroom on a temporary basis because I need a good night's sleep or as a punishment. Usually it is just a day or two, and it has not lasted longer than a week. I do not want it to be a permanent thing because I do enjoy sharing the bed with him. He is my husband after all. However, I love the idea of making the master bedroom my bedroom. I've been thinking about the idea and am planning on making it happen.

There seems to be interest in this topic so I thought it would be fun for me to share my thoughts and ideas on what I am thinking about doing and get your input. If you've already done something like this, please share your experiences and ideas, If you have not done it, read along and share ideas on some of the questions I ask below.

Technically the bedroom is already is mine. When he confessed his submission to me, and agreed (or rather pleaded) to a formal WLM, he voluntary gave up his rights to ownership of these things, but there is a big difference in agreeing to it versus me taking action to deny his privileges. So what does taking ownership of the bedroom mean and why would I do it?

My idea of taking ownership of the bedroom is that the master bedroom is 100% mine to do with as I please and hubby is not permitted into the bedroom without my permission. It also means that none of his clothes and possession are permitted in the room. I will allow him to sleep in the bedroom but it is not a right for him. At anytime I may take away the right. I am usually in the bedroom before he is at night so I've thought about putting something on the door knob that would indicate whether or not he is permitted to enter. No permission means he must sleep in the guest bedroom. What do you think - any suggestions for what I can use? It would need to be something subtle as I would not want it to get the attention of guests that may be over or the kids when they are home.

Since he will not be permitted to have any of his possessions in my bedroom, one of the first tasks to be done is for him to move all of his items out of my room and into the guest bedroom. Now if you have a guest bedroom, and you are like us, the guest bedroom tends to get filled with junk. He will need to do some cleaning up and rearranging the guest bedroom in order to fit his items into the room. He may need to slim down his clothing collection. Slaves should not have a lot of clothes to choose from anyway, right?  I may need to give him some specific instructions on reducing his possessions to fit into the space. Any suggestions?

Next, there will be rearranging in my bedroom to accommodate my preferences and moving in of my extra clothes that are stored in other places. As a Goddess, I have quite a collection of clothes but unfortunately not the luxury of a large walk in closet so many of my clothes are stored in other closets. I am looking forward to being able to have all of my clothes together in my bedroom. Thomas will need to organize and hang or fold my clothes neatly according to my instructions. Once complete, he will be required to do a thorough cleaning of the room and will need to make every shred of his items are removed.

This will be the first stage of taking full ownership of the bedroom. To make it fun, I will require Thomas to wear a slave outfit while he is moving items in and out of the bedroom for me. I am thinking collar, cuffs and panties will do. I may add a butt plug because that always puts him in a deep submissive state for me. Once the first stage is complete, the master bedroom will be officially off limits to him except for sleeping, cleaning, chores, or when I give him permission to enter for other reasons. There will be three golden rules for my bedroom that he will have to obey:

1. He is not to enter my bedroom without my permission. Even for chores (vacuum, laundry, etc.) he must ask for permission to enter my bedroom. I love the irony of him asking permission to to clean my room, rather than me ordering him to do it.

2. He is never to be fully clothed in my bedroom. Clothes must be left at the door before entering unless he is already wearing a slave or chore outfit. Those outfits are acceptable attire in my bedroom. No exceptions to this rule. If I ask him to fetch something out of the room for me, he must strip, fetch the item, and dress again when he leaves. 

3. He is never to talk in my bedroom unless I ask him a direct question or give him permission to speak. When he is in my bedroom 100% of his focus will need to be on serving me and pampering me.

Phase II will be for me to redecorate the room according to my tastes. I may get a new bedspread, and add new pictures and decorations. Do you think I should have him shop with me for the items or should I just make all the changes and have him walk in one day to a completely new room? Which would be the bigger mind fuck?

There is one final piece of puzzle to this whole transition. I will make it clear to Thomas that the guest bedroom is to remain a guest bedroom. He is not to personalize it for himself and he is never to refer to it as his room. All his items must be out of site at all times. No shoes or clothes lying around, no bags on the floor, and no papers, receipts, or items of his are allowed on any surface in the room. Everything must be stored in a drawer, box, or closet at all times. If I see any visible signs of his items in the guest bedroom, he will be subject to punishment. This will surely make him feel even more submissive and controlled.

Why Would I do This?

Taking over the master bedroom is purely a fun power play. It is a fun way for me to exert my power and dominance over Thomas and to make him feel even more submissive and owned by me. This is what he craves and I know he will love it. It is a great way to spice things up for us and keep him obedient to me. Certainly I am also going to enjoy having the room all to myself, except for sleeping. It will be a nice peaceful haven that I can escape to and not be disturbed. The best part is that my room will still be cleaned by him, he will still wash and put away my clothes in my room, and my bed will still be made every day by him. These are all the amazing perks of being a Goddess Wife in a WLM.

What do you think? Let's hear some other ideas.

-Mz Kaylee

How Did FLR/WLM Start For You?

It is interesting to hear how couples got started with FLR/WLM. I hear more stories about guys bringing the concept to the woman than the woman seducing the guy into submission. In my situation, it was my husband who asked me to dominate him. He had started to be really nice to me and asking me if I wanted massages, which of course I said yes. One night he asked if he could bathe me. It was odd for him to ask me that, but I loved the idea and let him bathe me. This went on for a week or two and I knew something was going on in his mind so it did not completely surprise me when he wanted to talk one night.  He confessed his desire to be dominated and to have me control his orgasms. He told me the benefit to me was that I could have endless massages and baths from him and that I could even order him to do chores. It all sounded strange to me, especially controlling his orgasms. We actually had a laugh over it as I joked that I might not let him orgasm for a long time.  I could tell he put a lot of thought into his confession and the he was uncomfortable admitting it to me. As strange as it sounded to me, I was glad that he had the courage to talk to me about it and I agreed to give it a try. The rest is history.

Trina recently shared with me how she got started with FLR. It was her e-mail that inspired this post as she was wondering how others got started. Trina's starting point is described below. Please share how your first discussion of FLR went with your spouse or partner. Who introduced the topic? What did each of you say and what was the spouse or partners response? How long did it take for you or the other person to work up the courage to bring it up?

Trina's Start to FLR:

For us, I was spanking Tony weekly because it turned him on and we both were spankos. However, I knew that I wanted the corporal punishment to improve his behavior and give me more authority. The very first issue, I believe, was socks on the floor. My best recollection is that I was spanking him bare bottom over my knee and I said, "I want you to start putting your socks in the laundry when you take them off. It is really irritating to find your socks lying around." He did not respond so I started spanking harder with the hairbrush.

 "Did you hear  me??!!" I asked. 

"Yes!" he cried out. 

"Well??!!" I said, continuing to spank hard. "Are you going to change your behavior?" (a line I have used ever since) 

"Yes!" 

"Yes what?" 

"Yes, I will pick my socks up!!" 

"Promise?"

 "Yes!" 

"Yes, what?" 

"I don't know what!" 

"Yes, Ma'am," I said. "

"Say it!" I kept spanking until he said it. 

"Yes, Ma'am!"

He did not know this was the beginning of our WLM, but I did. I knew I could change his behavior. And I was turned on immensely.

-Trina

Making Our WLM More Public (Guest Post by Trina)

My desire to make our WLM more public has two main reasons, one altruistic and the other selfish. The first reason is that most of my women friends want to know how and why it is that Tony is such a perfect gentleman and wonderfully obedient husband; most of them know that he was not that way when he and I first got together. So they keep asking me, “What have you done to train him so well?” The second reason is that I find my power over him to be great for my ego and also very erotic, and the more public my power is the more it turns me on, both mentally and physically.

As I have related, our marriage did not start as a WLM, but rather as an F/m spanking dynamic. But my goal from the beginning was to have a marriage with very few arguments, and to have those few arguments settled very quickly and in my favor — and I knew I was going to use his need for spanking to achieve that goal. To that end I did internet research and was glad to find Aunt Kay’s Disciplinary Wives Club, which is an awesome site about how wives use spanking to control their husbands. (While Kay is deceased, the site can still be read at auntkaysdwc.com.)

Tony is not naturally submissive at all; he is an alpha male who is a lifelong spanko, and for much of his life he was mostly the spanker, and tells me he has had a couple dozen women over his knee. But he admits that it was getting harder and harder for him to find willing women, and that he really wanted a spanking relationship, not a series of one-nighters, and that his experiences as a spankee showed him that he was just as excited getting it as giving it. We met on a site for Christian spankos, and I let him know right away that if we were to get serious that I would be the only one doing the spanking. He agreed as long as I promised to spank him at least once a week, come rain or shine, as he was tired of going months between spankings.

Spanking him once a week clearly put me in the dominant position and him in the submissive one, and the more I spanked him to change his behavior, the more we moved into WLM. Almost every week I had a reason why he was being punished — and not just getting his weekly spanking. The social interaction issues that were the topic of a recent post was one of the first areas we delved into where I started making rules for him. 

It was also the first area that became public, because when I began grounding him from going out with the boys (about three years into our marriage), I made him tell them that he had been grounded by his wife. So it was clear to those husbands that I wore the pants in the family, and when their wives asked them why they weren’t more like Tony, they would tend to reply that he was pussy-whipped and that they weren’t going for that. So the wives also knew that I was in charge.

As I got more intrigued with WLM, I read about it on the internet, and was really taken with Lady Misato’s Real Women Don’t Do Housework (rwddh.com). I did not find Mz Kaylee’s site here, though I sure wish I had, nor did I find the blog that Kaylee has helped write, rwddh.blogspot.com, which has a post from a few years ago about how public a wife-led marriage should be.

I was fascinated by the rwddh philosophy of turning a husband into a knight in shining armor serving his queen — and Tony was quite taken with it, too, since a knight is a macho kind of guy, no matter how submissive he is to his queen. So we started incorporating that philosophy, and I also began using specific techniques explained on that site, including what I call the “cock talk” where virtually any important discussion happens with Tony’s cock in my hand, which almost guarantees that the discussion will end in my favor. The site also explains all about orgasm control, turning orgasm from a “right” to a “privilege” that must be earned and can only occur with the wife’s permission. These strategies and others on the rwddh site took us deeper and deeper into a WLM.

We began doing public things like him getting me drinks at parties, carrying my bags at the mall, bending down and fixing the strap  on my heels, rushing to my side every time I waved for him, getting orders from me rather than requests, me ordering for us both at restaurants and requesting the check come to me, him driving like a chauffeur with me in the back seat talking on the phone, me ignoring him in public while talking with others, me doing all the talking when in a meeting with a professional such as our attorney or accountant — and on and on, virtually everything I could think of to show that I am in charge. While each of these things is pretty minor, when taken together they do add up to an obvious WLM.

The next big public revelation was a couple of years after the grounding revelations. By this time I had Tony trained to do most of the household chores, and I started making him wear an apron and nothing else after the kids were in bed. My girlfriends and I have had a Thursday girls night out forever, which sometimes is a girls night in — we meet for the evening at one of our houses, with the husband required to make himself and the kids scarce, like on a different floor if not out of the house altogether for at least part of the evening.

We would typically meet from about 7:30-10, which is Tony’s time to put the kids to bed and do chores. After we had established his chore routine, the first that the girls were going to meet at our house I sat him down and told him that he was not absolved from his two hours of chores and was still going to do them in his apron in clear view of our guests — with a pair of shorts on. He objected quite vociferously, but changed his mind after being over my knee for 20 minutes or so. I told him that not only was he going to do all of his chores, but that he would be serving us as well — pouring wine, bringing snacks, clearing away dishes, and maybe even giving foot massages.

My husband is a workout freak and rather buff, and I knew the ladies would enjoy seeing him serving us with part of his chest and back and legs showing. The first time this happened there was a whole lot of giggling and oohing and aahing, and while he was embarrassed at first, I think my husband realized eventually that he enjoyed all of the positive attention from some great-looking wives.

There weren’t any foot massages that first time, but on subsequent visits he did get to make the rounds and give everyone a foot massage – maybe half a dozen ladies each night. This is a rather sensual and intimate act, with him kneeling on the floor and massaging a foot outstretched onto a foot stool. I noticed that he was trying hard to hide his erection as he massaged the women. It also turned me on, and after the girls left the first time I dragged him into the bedroom and had my way with him. It was very obvious to us that his submission was pleasurable for us both.

It was after this started about two years ago that I began to get the questions in earnest about how I had transformed my husband. I would usually just laugh or give a sly smile and not answer. But my friends seriously wanted to know, and it got to the point where some of them were a bit perturbed (and still are to a degree) that I wasn’t sharing my secrets.

I was withholding information to protect our privacy, but I was doing a disservice to my friends. Many of them were unhappy with their husbands and were desperate to know how to gain some control in the marriage. Many of our meetings were mostly bitch sessions about husbands, and it was very obvious to all that I said little at these times.

Eventually, just in the past few months, I sat Tony down to talk about it. He was well aware of my girlfriends’ desire for information, as they often asked their questions right in front of him while he was serving us. But his position was that they already knew more than he preferred — that he did all the household chores, that I grounded him, that he was unfailingly polite and obedient. That’s already a lot for an alpha male to handle, but I was asking him to handle more.  After several conversations, we agreed that we weren’t ready to share about him getting spanked or being required to wear a chastity device when not in my presence. He kept suggesting that I just refer the wives to various Web sites, but I argued that I needed to share with them some of the techniques that I actually use in our marriage, including the cock talks, total orgasm control, making him earn sex with me, grounding, writing lines, turning rights into privileges, financial control, and basically anything but spanking and locking his cock. He didn’t like it, but the belt and the bath brush are great persuaders.

So … just recently I have begun sharing with the Thursday night group. I started with the cock talk, which I thought was the easiest — as the man is getting a handjob and probably doesn’t even realize how he is being controlled. The girls were fascinated, and a number of them have tried it — with great results! Various wives have gotten their husbands to do more chores, call before coming home late, go out with the boys less, stop swearing in the wife’s presence, go down on the wife more, and I can’t remember what else! I told them that one of the best strategies is to stop in the middle: Get him just on the edge of cumming and then stop and say, “If you want me to finish you off, you need to lick my pussy first. Otherwise, good night!”

We have had several weeks of discussions just about this one strategy, which is easy for the husband to accept because he is getting MORE sex with his wife handling his cock so much. (It helps to give it a quick lick every so often as well.) But the cock talk can be used to introduce the other training methods to the husband. I’m going to tell the girls to get him really hard and then say something like, “If you want me to keep going, you will agree that I can ground you and forbid you from going out with your friends.” Or whatever behavior you want to change or strategy you want to implement.

That’s where I am in making my WLM more public. I will discuss the other strategies I mentioned, but I may never tell about spanking or using a chastity device. While I am definitely in charge, I also respect my husband’s wishes, and I don’t know if an alpha guy like Tony can ever come around to sharing about those two key ways that I dominate him.

Trina

Behavior Modification - Continued. Pacifier Training

Before, I get into the next phase of Thomas's training, I want to point out something that I should have in the previous post. MK left a comment on my last post that reminded me that gags cause a lot of drool. Something I learned in researching what gag to buy was that drooling is actually what many dominants want as it adds to the humiliation of the sub. My goal with the training was not to cause Thomas to drool but was about having something forced into his mouth so that he could not talk. I also read that gags can be very uncomfortable and should not be worn for long periods of time. Many sites recommended no more than 20 minutes. This would not meet the needs of my training so I did not buy a traditional gag. Instead I bought the Tantus Beginner Ball Gag pictured below. This is a very small bag and so it was not painful to wear and caused minimal drool. The gag actually did not get rave reviews because of how small it was and many considered it not be a real gag.  However, it was perfect for what I wanted to accomplish.

Pacifier Conditioning

In my last post, I  shared how I used a small gag to train my husband at doing better with no talking on silent days.  I'll refer to the next phase of his training as Pacifier Conditioning because the objective is to use a pacifier to remind and condition him not to talk on silent days. In addition to no talking on silent days, I also planned to use the pacifier to condition him to only speak to me with purpose or to compliment me or say things that are positive and uplifting. This would be a long-term permanent behavior change to teach him to never waste my time with useless information or information that I do not care about (you guys are good at spewing useless information to us). If you recall, in my last post I mentioned that I purchased 2 adult baby pacifiers - 1 blue pacifier and 1 pink pacifier.

I chose the next Saturday (after his gag training) to start the conditioning. After my coffee Saturday morning, I had him strip naked, put on his pink sissy panties, and kneel before me with his hands behind his back. I enjoy seeing him in this submissive position. I chose to use the pink pacifier because the baby girl theme added additional humiliation that I knew would get his arousal going. I ordered him to open his mouth and then I pushed it into his mouth. I let him know that similar to the gag, I was the only one allowed to remove it. I giggled seeing him with the pacifier and teased that he was my cute baby girl. I explained that the pacifier would be a regular part of his submissive life  going forward. On every silent day (or night) he would be required to wear the pacifier at the start of the day or night as a mental reminder of him to remain silent. I would decide when it would be removed and once removed it would be up to him to remain silent unless I asked him a direct question. If he spoke inappropriately the pacifier would go back in his mouth. This rule would be in effect forever, unless I decide otherwise. I also explained that if I felt the pacifier was being used too much, then I would go back to the ball gag training. 

I did not tell him yet about using the pacifier to condition him to be purposeful in what he says to me. We have talked about this concept in the past but I've never enforced it. I felt the pacifier would be a great method to enforce purposeful talking. However, I first wanted to condition him to not talk on silent days. I really enjoy taking a slow and methodological approach to training and conditioning him. It ensures he is trained properly and it is also exciting for him to have new trainings added over time. As he had confessed to me many years ago, slowly being molded and influenced by my feminine power was a huge erotic rush for him.

On that first Saturday, I had him wear the pacifier for about 40 minutes. I figured that was enough to get his mind focused on being silent.  I might add that his cock remained hard for most of that 40 minutes. He did good at being quiet the rest of the day. There was only one time where he forgot to be quiet and asked me a question. As soon as he asked the question, her realized his mistake and put his hand up to his mouth and said he was sorry. I smiled and said "too late." I pulled the pacifier out of my pocket and pushed it into his mouth and sent him to kneel in the corner for 5 minutes. After corner time I again commented at how cute the baby girl pacifier looked in his mouth and that it matched his pink panties. His cock was hard again. lol! I made him keep it in for another 20 minutes. This type of conditioning with the pacifier has continued for the past few weeks and will continue without end. I've been implementing silent times at least once a week, either at night or on the weekend.

With the silent talking training done and the pacifier conditioning implemented, my last step was to implement the purposeful taking training. I chose to introduce this about three weeks after I first pushed the pink pacifier into his mouth. One night when my husband was rambling about work, after about 5 minutes of aimless talk, I shushed him and told him I did not want to hear anymore. Like a good boy, he immediately clammed up. I then had him follow me to the bedroom and kneel. I think he was surprised when I pulled out the blue pacifier and shoved it into mouth. I then gave him "the talk" about how he needs to learn to only talk to me about important things and things that add value to my life. I made it clear that I did want him to tell me if there was something of concern to him or if he needed to vent to me about something. That was important to me.  However, I instructed him that as a Goddess, I should not be bothered with aimless rambling. Going forward, I would use the pacifier to train and condition him to only speak with purpose. It would start with him having to wear the pacifier if I felt he was wasting my time. If over time, he did not become better at speaking with purpose, in addition to him wearing a pacifier, a punishment would be added. He silently nodded that he understood and of course....his cock was bulging in his pants. I made him wear the pacifier for 30 minutes that night.

The pacifier conditioning has been a lot of fun for me. I found myself looking for opportunities to push it into his mouth because it was so much fun to silence him. I think one of the most surprising moments for him was when he was driving me to his parents house, He began rambling during the drive and I pulled the pacifier out of my purse and put it in his mouth. He was shocked that I had the pacifier with me. I think he was also a little embarrassed to be driving in public with a pacifier in his mouth. I had a good laugh and told him, "Don't worry, it's dark out. No one can see you."

He is doing much better at being quiet on silent days.  Having the pacifier in his mouth at the start of the silent period, even it is for just 10 minutes, helps shift his mental state into silent mode, and if he starts to slip up, well then he'll be wearing it longer. I also have him wear the pacifier sometimes when he massages me, just for fun. I enjoy putting it in his mouth and seeing him wearing it. I am also excited about the longer-term conditioning of having him speak with purpose or to compliment me. I intend to eventually expand this to when he talks with other people. If I hear him rambling to others (especially females) or saying stupid or inappropriate things, then he will be wearing the pacifier on the ride home. I always keep one in my purse and I purchased another to store in the glove compartment of the car. This is a work in progress and I find it exciting that I am using my dominance to mold him. 

-Mz Kaylee.

Punishment Can Arouse - and Still Work (Guest Post by Trina)

Let me start by saying that It has been great to see an increase in comments on the blog and that there are new people commenting and more Females engaging in the conversations. I hope the activity in the comments continues to grow. Whether you are new to WLM or experienced, I encourage you to comment and share your experiences, questions or thoughts. The discussions in the comments often lead to great insights and ideas that others can apply to their own relationship. Hearing from others also helps to validate that WLM is real, is beneficial, and that you are not alone in your quest. Thank you all for your continued engagement.

Having said all that, I am very pleased to publish another post from a Female. In this post Trina, addresses an issue that I am sure many women new to WLM struggle with - "why punish if he gets aroused by it?" It is something that I questioned early in my relationship. A post like this would have helped me many years ago. Thank you Trina for sharing your insights and advice on this important topic. -Mz Kaylee

Punishment Can Arouse – and Still Work

By Trina

My husband is a spanko, so he loves everything about getting spanked except the severe pain during the spanking itself. And yet I effectively use spanking as a punishment, even though he is aroused immediately beforehand and soon afterwards – and he is aroused when he thinks about an upcoming punishment or one that has happened, either recently or long ago. 

Like most dominant wives, I initially believed that punishment needed to be completely separate from sexual activities or feelings, and I tried hard to make that happen. After all, if it turned him on to be punished, wouldn’t he act out on purpose in order to receive punishment? And wouldn’t that negatively impact our WLM/FLR? It certainly would seem so. But as I will explain, that has not turned out to be the case.

As a lifelong spanko, my husband had one basic need when we were dating and deciding whether to have a serious relationship: Spanking needed to be a regular part of any relationship for him. As a switch, he didn’t much care if he was the spanker or the spankee, as long as somebody went over somebody’s knee at least once a week. As a divorcee who had lived a vanilla life, I knew that I wanted to be dominant and use spanking to keep my husband in line. So I told him (and showed him) that I was going to be the spanker and he would need to be satisfied with that. I also told him that the spankings would not be play; they would be real punishment and I would expect them to work in terms of improving his behavior.

I was fearful that he would enjoy my punishment spankings, so I took steps to prevent that: I spanked him severely, to the point that only a true masochist could enjoy it. I forbid any sexual activity after a spanking. I stayed fully dressed during his spankings. I bared his bottom but did not let him be naked. I refused to spank him in our bedroom. I sometimes made him masturbate to completion beforehand so he couldn’t get an erection during the spankings and so the spankings would be more painful.

None of this worked. When I announced a spanking, he would have an instant erection. Yes, I would “spank him soft,” and he definitely would not be enjoying the punishment. But afterwards? He would be hard very soon and he would want to service me orally, which I wanted too but was refusing him in order to try to keep the punishment separate from sex.

At the same time, the punishments improved his behavior. Whatever I spanked him for, he made a renewed effort to obey my wishes. And he was not misbehaving on purpose in order to get punished. This seemed extremely paradoxical to me: How can spanking work as punishment when you love it so much? Punishment is something you should want to avoid, and that desire to avoid it is what improves your behavior. That is reasonable and logical … but not how my submissive male’s mind works.

At first he couldn’t really explain it when I tried to talk to him about it. He would just say, “I’m a spanko, I believe I was born a spanko, I’ve always been one and I will always be one, and that’s all I know.” But as we continued talking about it and I continued thinking about it, a glimmer of understanding began in my mind – helped by his response to other punishments and by our new program of orgasm denial.

As a spanko, he definitely did not care for other punishments: corner time, writing lines, forbidden to watch sports on TV, going to bed early, not sharing my bed, and the one he hates most: being grounded from going out with his buddies. And yet, when I announced any of these punishments he got the beginning of an erection, which he sometimes maintained during the punishment itself. Even when I did the thing he hates absolutely the most – made him call his buddies and tell them that his wife would not allow him to join them (as I listened and giggled) – he often would be hard throughout the phone call!

This was also demonstrated when we started a program of orgasm control. I had not planned on orgasm denial in my marriage. I quite enjoy sexual intercourse (PIV), and particularly mutual orgasm (on the rare occasions when it happened). I never wanted to give that up, and I had begun training him to try to wait for me and then to orgasm with me. He actually was quite good at lasting a long time. His issue was not coming too fast but that sometimes he had trouble maintaining his erection. That was a bit surprising to me for a man in his 30s (at the time) who claimed to find me so arousing. Then I found out why: He was looking at spanking porn and masturbating regularly! Even though I was spanking him weekly as he desired!

That infuriated me. I was deeply offended. He promised to stop, but he would always go back to it. It was truly an addiction, one that he had had since a teenager, and even getting regular spankings wasn’t enough to stop it. I told him it had to change. Eventually he suggested a chastity cage to me. I love his cock and didn’t want it locked away. But I agreed to try it.

Of course it worked for masturbation control. Without the ability to touch himself, he didn’t much care for looking at porn, either. Then we began to notice what many other wives on here have noticed: He enjoyed having his orgasms restricted, especially when I would tease and deny him. Since I have always liked playing with his cock, this became a mutual pleasure. Now I play with him quite regularly in the evenings when he is doing chores for me. I love getting him hard, then sending him off to do a chore, and then when he has to report for inspection seeing if he is still hard. I consider it a compliment to me that he is so aroused by my dominance that he can stay hard throughout a chore! Like other men on here, he says that being teased and denied and allowed very few orgasms is actually better sex than we he came whenever he wanted. A paradox … but one that is clearly proven by the behavior of our submissive husbands!

So, I finally realized a similar paradox: that punishment improved his behavior even though he was aroused by it. I saw that he was very aroused by me scolding him and issuing punishments – by me being dominant and “forcing” him to be submissive. So it wasn’t just spanking that turned him on; it was being controlled by a dominant wife. But that did not mean that the punishments were ineffective. On the contrary, the more I bossed him around, the more obedient he became. There was no way that he was not going to be turned on by punishment and my dominance. So why should I expect that?

It has taken me a while, but I actually have come to the conclusion that arousal can enhance the impact of punishment in terms of improving behavior. I know that may be a controversial conclusion that is different from many wife-led marriages, and I hope that other women will comment.
Trina

 

Get Your Man Doing His Share of the Housework - ALL OF IT! (Guest post by Debbie)

I am thrilled to publish another guest post written by a Female. In this post, Debbie provides great examples on how she measures her husband's performance. Debbie also has a profile full of great information in the profile section. Thanks for being an amazing Goddess Debbie and contributing to the blog!   -MzKaylee

I loved your post concerning new year's resolutions. You come across like an Ivy League MBA when you say “It's important to be specific and to identify the steps to achieve your goals.” One of my mantras from the business world that I apply in my FLM is “You can't manage what you can't measure”. All employees at work have specific objectives - why shouldn't my submissive husband?

So, I set out to specifically define what I wanted when David cleaned the living room. Or what I expected when 'cleaning the bathroom' was on David's agenda. Same thing for ironing, laundry, car care and so on. Mother developed the standards and trained David in each one. David was given a pink covered journal to write down the specifics of each task. Mother walked him around the living room, for example, calling out each area of concern and what was entailed and checking it off his list. After his initial training Mother stood over him twice more, making comments or corrections and allowing David to ask questions. I have to stop here and address male fantasies - NO mother is NOT standing over David wearing a mini dress with fishnet pantyhose - this is all about work, not about male fantasies.

Chores are divided into four categories - spring cleaning, party, mid-week, and refresh. Spring cleaning is the most intense, it's done in spring, of course, but also in getting ready for the winter holidays. At my direction spring cleaning might be done as many as four times a year and includes heavy tasks such as cleaning and rehanging drapes, deep cleaning carpets, polishing silverware, moving furniture, etc. Party entails cleaning after entertaining visitors - dusting, vacuuming, spot cleaning the rugs for spills, etc. Freshen is light dusting, vacuuming, sanitizing the bathrooms, etc.

David has measures for each assigned task. If he works to his pink book punishment is unlikely. However, if he doesn't match expectations there can and will be consequences. A few weeks ago David questioned Mother when she critiqued his cleaning of the family room. David was more questioning than being insubordinate but it required a response and mother gave it to him. She took two boxes of cereal and scattered their contents far and wide about the family room for David to clean. David learned a lesson that he soon won't forget.

David has to wear a feminine apron while doing chores, whether at home or when cleaning at a girlfriend's home, or whether we have visitors. When ladies visit, David's focus is on serving them and then getting back to his chores Some time back two of my girlfriends dropped in while David was cleaning. One of the women commented, “WOW, Id love to have a guy around to clean my place. within minutes David had two more ladies to clean for. He spends one morning a week housekeeping for these two ladies.

The bottom line here is that women will get what they want only when they take the time to lay things out for their hubby and hold him to them. And David? He loves his submissive role and readily admits that he's “living the dream”

-Debbie

Guided Masturbation

Guided masturbation is an exciting and fun way to exert dominance over your husband. All boys have spent many years masturbating themselves exactly they way the want in order to achieve self-pleasure and orgasm. To suddenly find themselves standing before you naked and masturbating according to your commands is thrilling for them and as they quickly discover, very challenging. 

There are two simple rules he must follow: 1) Follow your orders exactly and 2) Do not orgasm unless given permission. These two rules force him into a strange new position that will no doubt fuck his mind inside and out until it is mush. He is used to stroking any way he wants with the goal of achieving orgasm but now all the dynamics have changed. He must only stroke as instructed and he must not orgasm unless given permission. During this fun game, he will surely experience moments where he wants to stroke faster and harder because that is what is mind and body are telling him to do in order to increase the pleasure and achieve orgasm. However, he will have to force himself to ignore the pent up pleasure and keep stroking lightly and slowly in order to obey you. He will also experience moments where he will want to slow down or stop because it is becoming harder and harder to hold back an orgasm, but he will need to continue stroking in order to obey you.

There will inevitably come a point where one of the 2 rules will have to be broken. Which will one do you think your subhy husband will break? Will he be weak and selfish and give in to the pleasure or will he disobey your commands and stop stroking or slow his stroking, in order to stop the orgasm?  Breaking rule 1 gives him orgasmic pleasure but results in the game ending and a severe punishment. Breaking rule 2, in order to prevent an orgasm, keeps him in the game but shows his weakness and may result in a punishment. Breaking rule 2 may seem like the wiser choice at first, but as the game goes on and on, how much sexual teasing can he handle? Will he even get an orgasm after enduring all the teasing? 

Are you having trouble following or figuring out the right choice? Imagine these conflicts swirling through your head while in a prolonged and heightened aroused state? That is the wonderful mindfuck that guided masturbation creates. The longer the game goes on, the more mush his mind becomes. He grows more mindless and weaker by the minute!

For a guy new to teasing and denial, guided masturbation is a great training tool to teach him self-control and to build his stamina. For the more experienced guys, it is just a great mind fuck and a fun experience for the wife to exert control and spice things up.

I've learned a few things in doing this with my husband and lucky for you , I am going share some tips, tricks, and strategies to make your guided masturbation session out of this world.

Tips, Tricks, and Advice

1.  First, a few basics: Fast strokes and hard strokes (more pressure around his cock) build his arousal quickly. Slow strokes and light strokes slowly build his arousal or keep him at a steady arousal state. Finally, the tip of his cock is very sensitive when he is aroused. Teasing just the tip can be both pleasurable and frustrating for him.

2. Get him to a heightened arousal state quickly. Guided masturbation becomes very fun and challenging for him, when he is very aroused. Many of the stroking techniques I mention below, are much more pleasurable for him when he is fully aroused.

3. Using a variety of strokes drives him wild. There are some strokes that will feel too good for him and he may only last a few seconds. There are other strokes that he can do for a long time. Some of this will of course depend on his state of arousal. Varying the speed and pressure of his strokes will also affect how long or short he lasts. To keep the game exciting and unpredictable for him, change up the type of strokes or the speed every minute or two.

4. To cum or not to cum? It is your decision as to whether or not you allow him to cum. If you keep your subby locked up, imagine how mind blowing it will be to unlock him, force him to masturbate for you for 20 minutes, then lock him up again with out allowing him to cum.  Allowing him to cum is just as fun. You could give him a count down to cum (4-3-2-1), bring him to the edge and then order him to cum, or test his will an keep him stroking until he can not hold back any longer.  If you are feeling cruel, order him to stop stroking as soon as he starts to orgasm.

5. Enhance the teasing with visual and verbal erotic cues. The words you use while he masturbates and what he sees, all add to his aroused and submissive state. Telling him things like 'good boy' or 'you are so weak' add to his submissive state. Adding 'for me' to your commands (such as "stroke slowly for me"), makes it clear that he is obeying you and not masturbating for himself. Visual cues that add excitement include wearing lingerie or a fetish outfit and playing with yourself while he masturbates. Sometimes I'll lower my top for a minute or two so that he can worship my breasts while he strokes and then I'll cover them back up again.

6. Have a punishment ready for disobedience. You may want to let him know in advance what the punishments will be. I like to make the punishment severe for an unauthorized orgasm and mild for disobeying stroke commands because I absolutely do not want unauthorized orgasms. For example, an orgasm without permission will result in confinement to the house for several weeks (no time with his friends) whereas disobeying a command in order to prevent an orgasm will result in corner time or spanking. Each time he disobeys, the corner time or number of spanks increases. Another option is to keep a paddle handy and if he slows down stroking without permission, give him an immediate spank and tell him how weak he is.

7. To keep yourself from having to constantly give orders or guess when he is about to orgasm, give him goals to achieve such as, stroke until you are hard for me, bring yourself to the edge for me, keep yourself on the edge, or squeeze out precum.

8. Have fun. Don't get caught up in knowing all the different stroking techniques. There are many different ways you can have him stroke and the techniques below are just a few examples. You only need one or two to get started and then just tune into his emotions and arousal and have fun. 

Stroking Techniques

Strokes to get him aroused or to "the edge" quickly

1. The Traditional Stroke-Fast: We all know this one. One fist around his cock, stroking up and down. Order him to do it fast and hard to get his arousal going. If he is already aroused, this will get him to the edge fast and he will be begging to orgasm or begging to to stop so that he does not orgasm.

2. Hand-Over-Hand Down Stroke: My husband usually does not last long at all with this one. He uses both hands for this stroke, but sliding each fist downward only, one at time, one after the other. He continues to do this without pausing, applying firm pressure around his cock with each downward stroke. You can also order him to do this with upward strokes only. The upward strokes are a great variety but does not have as strong as an effect on my husband as the downward strokes. To add more pleasure to this stroke, order him to squeeze the head of his cock at the end of each upward stroke.

3. Two-Hand Stroke: This is the same as the traditional stroke, except he uses both hands at the same time, one fist on top of the other, and moving them up and down together. This causes more coverage of his cock and more pressure around his cock, resulting in more pleasure.

4. Fist Hump:  Just like it sounds, he creates a fist and humps it. Instead of moving his fist up and down his cock, he keeps his fist still and humps it. This works great when he is leaking precum because it lubes up his fist, adding to the pleasure. For me, it is entertaining to watch. My husband usually does not last long at all with the fist hump. When he is begging for relief, I like to make him hump really slow. That drives him wild too. Then I will tell him to loosen his fist a bit so that his cock barely touches his fist when he humps. This really blows his mind because he can last longer and even keep himself close to the edge, but he is also tempted to squeeze his fist a little tighter to increase the pleasure. Another fun strategy I use is to have him hump hard until he begs for relief and then order him to stop, only to order him to hump hard again in about 20 seconds. Each time he starts again, it takes less and less time before he begins to beg for release. 

5. The Hot Dog Twist: This is a fun one. Two hands on his cock and he firmly twists them side-to-side in opposite direction - just like he is wringing out a wet towel. This is one to do when his arousal is heightened. Twisting side-to-side is not a normal feeling for guys and so this technique creates strange new pleasures.

6. Stroke and Ball Squeeze: This technique builds his arousal, but seems to do it at a slower pace then the other techniques. It tend to make his precum leak more, probably because he is squeezing it out of his balls. With this stroke he strokes his cock with one hand while lightly squeezing and rubbing his balls with his other hand. Squeezing and rubbing his balls creates additional pleasure sensations compared to just stroking. To make it even more pleasurable, order him to hump his hand while doing it. To tone down the pleasure, have him just rub his balls without stroking his cock.

Strokes to Maintain or Reduce Arousal

7. Traditional Stroke-Slow:  Same as stroke #1 above, but at a slow pace and/or lighter pressure around his cock. With the right speed and pressure, he can stroke endlessly for you without an orgasm. I've heard this referred to by dominant women, as 'Worship Strokes' because he  can stare at his beautiful wife and worship her body with his eyes while he strokes and stays aroused. There are a few fun ways to use this. You can lay or sit in front of him and be entertained watching him worship you. You can pleasure yourself while he worships you, which will surely add to his excitement but will also be pleasurable for you. You can use this stroke to allow him to calm his arousal down if he is getting to close to the edge. It's also fun to make him stroke extra slow after being aroused for a long time. It is very un-natural for a man to stroke very slow so this can be a torturous tease for them.

8. Fist Pulse: I enjoy doing this technique to him myself. It really messes with his mind and tests his will power when he is on the edge of orgasm. I will make a firm fist around his cock and just squeeze lightly. I will often go right into the squeeze when he's begging me to stop stroking to prevent orgasm. Instead of stopping all together, I just stop the stroking and then lightly squeeze. He is literally teetering on the edge of orgasm when I do this, struggling to hold back his orgasm. I will lightly squeeze every 5 to 10 seconds. Sometimes I am barely even moving my fingers, and it drives him wild.  Even just holding a firm grip around his cock without moving, drives him wild when he is on the edge of orgasm. He tells me the firm pressure with no movement is mind blowing because for a few seconds, the slightest of movements by either him or me, would send him over the edge. He mentally has to fight hard not to move and not to orgasm for several seconds, until he comes off the edge.  For the guided masturbation, he is the one who puts his fist around his cock and you can either order him to squeeze each time or you can order him to pulse his hand every few seconds. You can increase or decrease the speed of the pulses, depending on his arousal level.

9. One or Two Fingers Only: Having him stroke up and down using only one or two fingers is a great way to keep him in a steady aroused state. When using two fingers, you can have him put one on each side of his cock or put two fingers together and rub them up and down the side of his cock.

10. Finger Tips Only: Lightly stroking up and down with just his fingertips, causes a continuous pleasure without taking him over the edge. If he is close to the edge, this is a great torturous tease because he can ride the edge and will have to exert willpower to not go too fast or apply too much pressure in order to prevent the orgasm that his body wants so bad. A variation of this is to have him put all his finger tips at the tip of his cock a slowly spread them out over jus the tip of his cock.

11. Balls Only: Order him to lightly rub or squeeze his balls. This is a good one to help him calm down when his arousal is starting to boil over into a potential orgasm. It feels good for him but is usually not enough to send him over the edge and often times brings his arousal down, but not all the way down.

12. Stop!  When all else fails, order him to stop stroking, hands at his sides or behind his back. Give him a minute or two to calm down and then start the self-teasing all over again.

When to Use Guided Masturbation

For fun and to spice things up - Whether you have a WLM or traditional marriage, guided masturbation is a fun activity for both the husband and wife. Guys will enjoy the prolonged erotic tease and being the center of attention of a woman. It is exciting for women too. I find it exciting to watch my husband masturbate and even more exciting when I am in control of it. It is a thrill to push him to the edge and watch him struggle not to orgasm. When he's super aroused, he loses his ability to think and he becomes focused on his masturbation, following my commands, and trying not to orgasm. It is thrilling for me to see this transformation and to watch him obey my commands without thought. He is not the only one that is aroused during this activity :).

Training - It is a great training exercise for someone starting out in orgasm denial. Guided masturbation trains him to hold back his orgasm or know when to ask for permission to orgasm. He learns to edge himself longer and longer without going over the edge. You may encounter failures in which he fails to hold back his orgasm but with each failure, he learns and becomes stronger. Your are also conditioning him to obey your orders without hesitation.  

For females wanting to take control of their man, guided masturbation can be a good starting point to seduce him under your control. In other words, you are training him to be under your control, without him realizing it. Very few guys will turn down the offer for a guided masturbation session, and once they experience it.....well they are sure to want more. Each sessions gives you a little more control over him. When you are ready to take the next step in controlling him,,,,read the subspace section below.

Get him into Subspace - Use guided masturbation to prep him for domination and manipulation. After 15 or 20 minutes, his arousal will be so heightened that his mind will be complete mush and he won't be able to think straight. This is the perfect conditions for domination and manipulation. It is the time to try new kinky things that he might otherwise resist, or get him to promise to do things for you. If I am in the mood for dominating him, I will often start with a nice long cock tease to get him into the obedient submissive frame of mind. Using guided masturbation is one way to do this. Sometimes it is as simple as ordering him to stroke to the edge for me. Once he does that, let the domination begin!

To Learn - What better way to learn about what drives him wild then to experiment with different stroking techniques. Try all different strokes and observe how it affects him. Ask him how each one feels. The best thing about all this, is that you can learn from this and then you can use the stroking techniques on him another time (instead of him stroking). Your strokes will be even more torturous for him because he can not control the speed and pressure. I have learned that the same stroke technique can have varying effects on him depending on how aroused he is and his mood. Be sure to try the techniques more than once as you may get a different reaction sometimes.

I hope you learned a few thigs from this post. If you decide to give it a try, let me know how it goes, and what strokes worked the best.

-Mz Kaylee

 

My Secret Weapon: The Marital Triad - and More…. (Guest Post by AJ)

Somewhat recently, I made some guest posts on chastity and chastity devices. Based on some of the comments to those posts I just wanted to state a few things regarding those posts and any further  posts that I might make including this one. There is no one size fits all when it comes to anything and that most definitely includes relationships and even more specifically kinky FLR ones. Everyone's flavor of kink is slightly or even largely different. Everyone's life experiences are different. Everyone’s reaction to various stimulus are a bit different. So what works for one couple may not work at all for another couple. We all are made up of unique mojo. So please when you read anything I might have to say keep that in mind. I am not claiming to be the final authority and expert on anything, not by a long shot. Be very wary of professed experts. Because someone is loud and vocal and speaks from a high pulpit, it does not necessarily  make them an authority on anything. One just needs to look at our politicians over the years to understand this. Because you read something somewhere, very often it does not mean that its actually true. All I can say is that I do my very best to write from the heart with what I have specifically found to be the true in my own relationship. Its what we have experienced as a couple and it is what has evolved and what has worked for us uniquely. Everyone’s mileage will vary greatly. Exercise your own brain and apply your own truths to everything that you do in life. Disclaimer done…..

 

My Secret Weapon: The Marital Triad  - and More…. :)

So in my marriage :)  chastity, orgasm control and pegging (yes my man loves it up the ass and he is so embarrassed by that….) , they all play a very important and prominent role. Those have become my marital triad, my secret weapon to relationship success.  As a female,  I have definitely learned to leverage this to my personal advantage and to the overall benefit of our marriage (for the mutual benefit of both parties not just me). I manage him with this triad of tools to further the overall “and already existing” happiness in our marriage, it has become a legitimate and valued tool in my resource kit. This most definitely was not the case for much of our marriage. Like most women, the ideas of chastity cages and orgasm control were way beyond the limits of my conventional thinking. These concepts just did not logically make sense to me. But I am evolving and just  like religion, there is more than meets the eye with all of this. But the bottom line is that for whatever crazy reason it seems to work magic. At the end of the day I go with what works and not what I think should work. I have gone from the reluctant bewildered FLR partner, to the wife who now embraces the power and magic of FLR. I still don’t fully understand why locking my husbands penis up and severely rationing his orgasms makes him so happy, but I’m beginning to understand it. Men are just different than us is the duh answer. They are just weird strange creatures. The sooner that we as women accept this simple truth, the sooner we will reach a peaceful state of mind. I have evolved with what I initially viewed as “his kinks”. His kinks are now “my kinks”. I have now taken his kinks and raised them by a few chips of my own. The proof is in the pudding. The frequent wetness between my legs tells me that I now “like it” as well. And oh by the way,  if “his kink” also means that I largely have the last word in all marital decisions and that most of the house work is done by his sexually drooling self, that's a huge huge win for me. If he loves to massage my butt and legs and lick my pussy and ass out every night, go right ahead mister! I’m gladly giving him that kind of power over me :) So you definitely can say I have “come around” to the benefits of chastity and orgasm control as weird as that may sound and as illogical they may sound to my womanly mind!

When you begin to go up to the kink tree and open up your formerly restricted mind to other ideas and when you begin to loose your fear of venturing into the naughty and unknown through previous successes,  you begin to explore other areas of kink. We also have incorporated some other FLR associated activities into our marriage. Like pegging, they are not everyone’s cup of tea, but once again they seem to work for our unique relationship. Like chastity and orgasm control which were foreign and illogical to me, we now practice forms of physical discipline and panty wearing in our marriage, or I should say he does.

I discipline my husband for not towing the line to my personal satisfaction. How did this come about? Not by me. Like most everything else along these lines, he introduced me into this area of kink. This is one I have really struggled with. As a loving partner, as a woman, why would I ever want to possibly beat my loving husband across his butt so hard that he cries like a child? The answer once again is that he is just one weird strange animal and that it somehow feeds positively into his sexual mojo. It makes him happy. Bizarre yes!  And once again along the way I have somehow (and I still struggle with this) found that it turns me on!  I feel like the dirty slutty wife as I beat his ass with the strap and my pussy is dripping and sheening with its own juices as I do it! If it increases his happiness and increases his ability to perform all of the domestic tasks to my satisfaction, more power to it. Strapping my husband backside, regularly, when he honestly deserves it, benefits me personally is the bottom line to this kink and it seems to make him a better partner both sexually and non sexually. So the strap now hangs easily within reach in our bedroom closet and he oils and conditions it weekly as part of his standard chore list. Just remember its to discipline and correct his under performing behavior and not to play into his quest for kink. That's why you need to make it painful to him (those tears are a must) and not just a sexual activity that he seeks out by creating incidents which play into that sort of deception.  You can also incorporate a more routine regimen of kink satisfying spanking sessions which are much less severe in nature as a reward for jobs well done.  Both venues work well with me/us. 

Panty wearing…. Oh my god!  This is one that honestly I incorporated into the marriage more than him suggesting it in any way. Remember when I said that I called his bet and raised it earlier on…. When you already peg your mans ass regularly with a dildo and you already have him keep his nether regions shaved front and back for you, this one just seemed like a natural extension, a sure fire kink amplifier. It was me being my new evolved wicked best. And guess what, it works. He hated them at first and he still has a love hate relationship with them.. He found (finds) them very embarrassing. But I think more than finding them embarrassing to wear,  he is internally more distressed to find that by wearing them he is sexually and psychologically turned on to them! His cock just seems to magically begin oozing away whenever he puts them on. If he wasn’t caged 24 x 7, I am positive to say that he would be regularly tenting inside of them. That’s what he really finds embarrassing and his secret is out with me and  he can’t hide it.  This is which makes it so wicked in both of our minds. It really amps the kink factor way up with both of us. I hate to say this about myself, but seeing him in a smooth pair of satiny or frilly panties makes me wet! I don’t understand why. Having a cross dressing man does not appeal to my flavor of kink whatsoever, but somehow panty wearing is an exception to my mind. Today, as we speak, he has no “male” underwear. He wears panties or he wears nothing. I have one emergency pair of tidy whitey jockey shorts (which by the ways he has also always hated - he was always more of a sports boxer guy) which I keep locked up and put away. He gets to wear these judiciously for doctors visits and what not, but I also make him sweat out whether I will allow him that manly vestige of pride or not!

Why am I writing this and where am I going with this? As a formerly very straight and very vanilla woman I know this all sounds so strange and bizarre to other women. It can initially be all so frightening.  All of this stuff just sort of remaps what defines a man and what defines a woman - at least with what we have been originally taught by our parents and society. Are we going to hell for exploring these outer boundaries? These are all legit fears. Why are men just so different from us and why do they need all of this weirdness in their lives? The answer once again is just that they are - don’t try to hard to understand it, it won’t happen. But I am here as a woman to say, be brave and try some of this in your relationship. You might be very surprised as to how much joy and benefit this will open up to your partnership. You have to really ask yourself who is getting hurt by opening up yourself to these “wicked” practices? Who is the injured party? There isn't one!!!!! You are satisfying his kinks for sure but at the same time your opening up yourself to a whole multitude of pleasurable unexplored venues in life. And did I mention the household chores, the back rubs, the great sex… it goes on. There is no free ride however, there is no magic one size fits all bullet and path to take. No matter what type of relationship you decide to pursue and to pursue successfully,  they all take a lot of work, effort and commitment. If love, care and respect don’t already exist in your marriage then this isn't going to fix that.  If both partners are not receiving benefit then this is not some sort of relationship placebo. In my mind this is something which amplifies the existing love and sexuality in a already working partnership. But do try some of this out, it might greatly enhance what already is a very good thing. At worst,  it doesn’t work and you move on. No harm, no foul. Be bold and try something a bit different.

AJ