Benefits of a Female Led Relationship (FLR)

I recently stumbled across an article that highlighted 6 benefits of a Female Led Relationship (FLR), which I thought had great insights. The article was a bit of a sales pitch for Women to try FLR and I think it is a great sales pitch. Below I've pulled out a few quotes from the article that I felt were noteworthy. If you are a female that is new to FLR or are thinking about giving it a try, I recommend reading the full article written by JezebelbyNight:

https://jezebelbynight.com/female-led-relationship/

A side note before we begin. In her writings, she uses the term Dominatrix, which most people relate to a leather clad, whip yielding woman who dominates many guys. Do not be intimidated by that reference. I personally would not characterize a woman in a FLR as a Dominatrix because of that extreme connotation associated with the label. To me, FLR is  about loving female control, which is much broader than femdom kink. Keep this context in mind as you read her article. On to the post: 

Jezebel commenting on Women trying FLR:

"This can lead to you growing and changing in other areas of your life, as you find yourself more able to be assertive in situations that may demand it, or more seductive and able to get what you want where you may previously have shrunk into the background. You will be able to command the respect that you may not always receive in life, and this is perhaps one of the greatest reasons there is to become a Dominatrix and begin a Female-Led Relationship."

This has been true for me. I was not a dominant or assertive person prior to FLR. My confidence and comfort with myself have grown tremendously since I embarked on a FLR. Now I am more assertive in everyday life, especially with guys. In the bedroom I am much more adventurous and in charge. When I look back, I find it funny that I was self-conscious walking around naked in front of my husband. Now I feel empowered being naked in front of him. There is no doubt now that I am dominant and very much in charge of my husband. 

"Opening yourself to the world of Femdom means that you have so many things to learn and experiment with, and your journey towards total Dominance will be peppered with lots of fun and exciting discoveries along the way."

Absolutely true!  It is a journey and there is a lot to learn. The one thing I would add is the journey is filled with both fun (ups) and frustration (downs) but as you progress on your journey the ups become much bigger and longer than the downs.

"Even if you don’t end up being a total Domme, you’re bound to find something that you didn’t know you loved, just by opening your mind to the possibility."

I love this statement! You have a lot to gain and nothing to lose by giving FLR a try. You can even start with baby steps by taking control of your husband for just one weekend a month and then as your comfort grows, add rules for him that extend beyond the weekend or increase your dominance time to a full week or more than 1 weekend a month. 

The next excerpt from Jezebel's article is about communication and the bond that is formed between the couple as a result of FLR. This deep bond is a tremendous benefit that I never anticipated when I started my FLR journey. FLR forced us to be more open, vulnerable and communicative with each other and it did it in a fun way. This created moments of fulfilling intimacy that led to a deep connection and trust between us. After 20+ years of marriage, my husband tells me often that he is so in love with me and that he feels like we are still in the honeymoon phase of our marriage. I feel the same way. We are connected together on a deep level that we would never have been able to achieve without FLR. Over the years of writing my blog, I have had several guys and Females in FLRs share similar experiences with me.

"You cannot have a strong and fulfilling D/s relationship without trust and intimacy. Even being able to discuss your fantasies with your partner requires a huge amount of trust and open communication, and what relationship couldn’t benefit from that?

You also have to learn what your partner’s wants, needs and limits are and how to respect them.

As well as building trust in the relationship, sharing your innermost desires with your partner creates a strong bond between you both.

A relationship where both partners have open communication, trust each other, feel connected and bonded to one another, and understand themselves on a deep level is a relationship worth being in, and these virtues will likely extend to other areas of the relationship, reducing conflict and creating loyalty and closeness."

And here are some final thoughts from Jezebel:

"At the end of the day, if you don’t try then you’ll never know. You don’t have to go full-on Scary Dominatrix and invest in a whole array of instruments of torture in order to be Dominant. If Femdom is good for anything, it’s for teaching you how to be open about your wants and needs, stand up for yourself in situations that require it, and sometimes, just sometimes, being able to bat your eyelids and get whatever you want 😉"

I don't know... would I be considered a full on scary Dominatrix?

I had a laugh at that reference but her point is spot on. There is no one right way to run a FLR. You have to decide what is right for you and do the things that resonate with you. What works for one couple may not work for another couple and something that is not appealing to you now, may suddenly be appealing a few years later as your FLR matures and progresses. A glaring example is the last post on cuckolding. If you read the comments you will see there are a myriad of opinions and viewpoints about it. It is perfectly ok to have different opinions and it just highlights that while it is great to listen to advice from others, you still need to apply your own judgement and reasoning on how you approach your FLR.

My advice is to read just my blog and follow all my advice. Just kidding!! You should read as much as you can about FLR and Femdom and try the things that appeal to you. There is a lot of BS that you will have to dig through but every so often you will find a golden nugget. The more you read and experiment with things, the more you will be able discern what is good advice and what is just fantasy fodder. I also suggest that you have an open mind and read about a topic that you might normally pass on and also try a few of the ideas that may seem crazy or that are outside of your comfort zone. You may be surprised at how much you like it. I've had many of these unexpected surprises over the years. I've also had a few failures but they are the moments that you look back and laugh at. To re-quote Jezebel - "If you don't try then you''ll never know."

Good luck and if you try something new, I'd love to hear how it went.

-Mz Kaylee

 

Behavior Modification-Purposeful Talking

As promised, this is a follow-up post on behavior modification. In this post I share my experience with  a new training project that I have done with my husband. If you are a regular reader of my blog, you may remember that I regularly enforce no talking days. The reasons for no talking days are to remind him of my control over him and to give him regular time to reflect on his submission to me and how he can better serve me. I also enjoy the quiet time. During no talking days, if I ask a question, he can respond, but it has to be short and to the point. He can text me questions or information and he is allowed to ask for permission to speak or ask a question if he feels it is something important.

The no talking days have not been super successful as it is hard for him to not talk all day. He often forgets, and I also forget to enforce it. He is definitely much quieter on the no talking days, but it is far from being an actual no talking day. We've been doing it for several months now, and he's getting better but nowhere near as quiet as I want him to be. He admitted that it is hard for him and he joked that he needed to be conditioned or trained not to talk. Now I've learned that when a sub jokes about something, it's usually his way of saying that he really wants it to happen. Challenge accepted! I decided to put a plan in motion to train him not to talk on "No Talking Days." Furthermore, I decided to train and condition him to not waste my time with useless information and to only speak to me on a regular basis about things that are purposeful to me and add value to my day.

The Training Plan

My plan was pretty simple. The best way to keep him from talking is to force him not to talk. To accomplish this, I purchased a ball gag and adult pacifiers. I wanted him to be comfortable, so I did not order a traditional ball gag because I've read where they can be hard to wear for a long time.  Instead I ordered one that is small and similar to a pacifier. I also ordered adult baby pacifiers, incase the ball gag was not comfortable. I also thought the humiliation aspect of using a baby pacifier, was a perfect way to tap into his submissive mind.

After the items arrived, I planned a night to spring the whole training program onto Thomas. I was actually very excited about putting the plan in motion and I knew it would completely surprise and excite Thomas. It was a Wednesday night when I told Thomas that I wanted him to serve me in sissy panties for the rest of the evening. I sent him off to the bedroom to change. When he returned, the first thing he noticed was that I had laid out a ball gag and two pacifiers on the end table next to the chair I was sitting in. I could tell he was surprised and excited. He asked with hesitation in his voice, "oookaay. what are those for?"

I smiled and ordered him to kneel before me. By the time his knees hit the floor, his hard cock was straining against the silky sissy panties. I said, "You told me you needed to be conditioned not to talk and so that's what we are going to do.  Your training begins right now."

The look of surprise was still on his face.  All he could say was, "oh...yes Goddess."

As I strapped the gag around his head, I told him that with his mouth gagged he would have no choice but to be silent. Once secured, I spent a few seconds admiring him gagged while he looked up at me quiet and silent. I told him that I liked how it looked on him and asked if he was comfy. He nodded his head yes. I told him that under no circumstances was he permitted to remove the gag. The gag would come off when I decided. If he was uncomfortable or felt he needed relief from the gag, he would have to seek permission from me to remove it and only I could remove it.

I explained that the gag he was wearing would be the trainer gag and that he would be wearing it quite often over the next few days to condition him to be present with me without talking. He would have to learn new ways to communicate if he needed something. Then I pointed to the two pacifiers and told him that after his ball gag training, the pacifiers would be used to continue his conditioning of learning to be silent. I didn't say anymore about the pacifiers. I like giving him little teasers like that as I know over the next few days his mind will go wild with fantasies on how I might use them. 

For the rest of the night he wore the gag while we watched Netflix together. I was fully dressed and he was in his silky sissy panties. Every so often I would order him to fetch me a glass of water or to do things for me. He obeyed without hesitation. I also teased him quite frequently through his silky panties. I was enjoying doing all this without him being able to talk. At one point, I even pulled the waist band to his panties down slightly and kissed and sucked on the tip of his cock for several seconds. This was something I rarely ever did, even before WLM. It was a total shock to him that I did this and I enjoyed that he could not speak about it. I was making sure that his first night gagged and silent for me would be a pleasurable and memorable night. When it was time for my bedtime, I ordered him to the bedroom and had him kneel before me after he fetched my pajamas and put them on me. I told him that it was time for the gag to be removed but that I still wanted him to be silent. He was to not say one word to me the rest of the night. When I removed the gag he looked up at me and smiled. I could tell it was torturous for him not to talk but he remained silent and went off to do his nightly tasks while I went to sleep.

The next day, I asked him how his mouth felt. He told me it was fine and he thanked me for what I was doing and was excited about his training. I let him know that we would take a break from the gag for the day but that we would do morning training the next day (Friday) and over the weekend.

More Training

Friday night after dinner, I had him kneel before me in his panties and I put the gag on and just like Wednesday, he quietly served me, and I teased him throughout the night. I also had him massage me with the gag on. He was very cute in that a few times he had questions for me and so he either texted me or wrote something on a paper for me to read. I got a little laugh out of it. When I removed the gag, I reminded him again to be silent but this time I ordered him to pleasure me with his tongue. I had an amazing orgasm and he of course was denied any orgasm. My fellow Goddesses, I have to say it is quite enjoyable being massaged and pleasured without a word peeped from your man! It's like he's your own personal sex toy.

On Saturday morning, I had him wear the gag for a few hours in the morning while he made my coffee and breakfast and did a few chores. The great thing about the gag, is that the physical appearance of the gag was a reminder to me also. It reminded me not to ask him question unless I really needed something.  When I did ask questions, it was fun having him reply to me by writing his answers down.   I removed the gag for lunch and let him know that he would not have to wear if for the rest of the day and it was ok for him to talk, but that he should keep his talking to a minimum. He did ok for most of the day but there were a few times that I had to remind him to quiet down because his talking was not necessary. He clammed up each time without arguing.

A Full Day of Silence

Sunday was his big test. He wakes up before me on the weekends to start on chores and get my coffee and breakfast ready. I left instructions for him on his bureau to put the gag on himself as soon as he woke up. In the instructions I let him know that he was not going to wear the gag all day but that it would still be a full silent day for him. I enjoyed waking up and seeing him already gagged as he moved about the house. I made a few teasing comments to him about how much fun the silent day was going to be. His cock responded immediately to my teasing, growing hard and poking out of his robe. I laughed at how weak he was.

He had a few errands to run for me later in the morning and so when the time was ready, I sat on the couch and had him kneel before me so that I could remove the gag. Before removing it, I reminded him that he was not to talk at all when the gag was removed. When I removed it, he stared up at me silently. He was so cute. I leaned down and kissed him on the cheek and said, "You are such a good boy for me. Now go and do your errands for me."  Once again his cock was hard.  I love how easily I can get his arousal going. I left the gag off for the afternoon until he had a moment of weakness. He did good at being quiet for the most part, but at one point he asked me a question. I gave him a scornful look and he knew immediately he broke the silence rule. He said, "sorry." I shushed him right away and said "no talking slave."  Then I told him to follow me.  He quietly followed me to the couch and I sat down and ordered him to kneel. The gag was sitting on the table next to the couch. I picked it up and secured it around his head again and said, "You will learn."  Then I ordered him to stay kneeling for 10 minutes as a punishment for talking.

At dinner time, I removed the gag to allow him to eat. He did not have to wear it again until later in the evening when I wanted a massage. He did not talk at all in the evening but I wanted him to be gagged for my massage. I enjoyed  seeing him gagged as he massaged me. I teased his cock occasionally throughout the massage, making sure he stayed fully aroused. Then I verbally teased at how I really wanted him to pleasure me with his tongue, but since he was gagged he couldn't. I told him that it was his fault since he was so weak and needed to be gagged to train him how to not talk on silent days. I teased that until he learned to be a good silent slave for me, his tongue would not be getting much action. Then I ordered him to pleasure me with his fingers. I could tell it was torture for him because he could not kiss my nipples or give me oral. At one point I had him lay on the bed and I sat on his chest and teased him more at how it was a shame he could not use his tongue on me. I told him, "Let's see what we can do with this gag." Then I moved forward and began to hump his face over the gag. I was very aroused by now and so it felt good rubbing across the gag and his nose and I was able to bring myself to an orgasm by humping his face. 

The Next Week

Thomas left me a nice note on Monday thanking me for training him and telling me how exciting the night before was for him. He was in complete submissive mode. For the second week, I reduced the amount of time in the gag. I was testing him to see if he could remain quiet on his own during the times that I designated as silent times. The first was on Thursday night after dinner. I made him wear the gag for 1-hour and then told him he was not allowed to speak for the remainder of the night. He obeyed perfectly.  Sunday was the next test. I had him wear the gag in the morning for 3 hours.  When I removed it, I explained that the goal was for him to not speak a word all day and that if he succeeded, we would proceed to the next phase of his training, which involved the pacifiers. Not speaking any words for a full day is a difficult goal to achieve. It is not something I would not expect him to accomplish on an ongoing basis but for training purpose I made it an important milestone for him to achieve. I also told him that if he failed to remain silent, the gag would go back on and he would have another week of training with the gag. I felt this was a strong motivator for him for two reasons. First, I could tell he was growing tired of the ball gag. Like many things, it is exciting when first introduced and when used on occasion, but when used on a regular basis the excitement fades away and it becomes burdensome or uncomfortable. Secondly, I knew his submissive mind was excited about being forced to wear a pacifier and so he was motivated to get to phase 2 of his training.

Fortunately for him, he succeeded in being quiet. He became good a using notes and texts to communicate with me when needed.  "When needed" was an important part of his training. Had he sent me notes or texts that I thought were not important, his training with the gag would have been extended.

In my next post I will share what I did for the Pacifier Training.

-Mz Kaylee

  

Guest Submission: Chastity as a Relationship Tool; the ins and outs (By AJ)

 I was very excited to see a guest post in my inbox from AJ. AJ has submitted guest posts in the past and I always enjoy reading about her experiences in FLR and her female perspective on FLRs. She outdid herself with her latest post. It's is filled with lots of great advice and ideas for a leading a FLR/WLM.  Great to hear from you again AJ!  -Mz Kaylee

Chastity as a Relationship Tool; the ins and outs

An introduction to who I am….. I am a happily married woman who has been married now for about 25 years. For the past 6 years I have been living within an FLR structured relationship with my wonderful husband of those same 25 years. Within our current relationship, we are deeply engaged in the strict practice of male chastity and that is of the 24 x 7 long term chastity variety. My husband is typically allowed out of his device (discounting any urgent temporary medically related needs) only three times a year. So for basically 362 days of the year he lives in full time chastity. I allow him out three times a year, somewhat randomly, to keep his sexual drive alive for “conventional” sex. On one of those yearly occasions, I allow him to make love to me traditionally through PIV sex, and on one of the other remaining instances I will allow him to make love to me anally (my supreme gift to him on that one - actually I have come to enjoy it…). And on the third and final instance, I give him a full blown blow job to include allowing him to cum in my mouth and my also swallowing that said cum. Those are my three yearly special gifts to him - if he is good and behaves that is. Why just those 3 times?

First to not totally exclude those pleasurable activities from his life. I am not totally extinguishing his hope for occasionally partaking in those activities so pleasurable to him.

Secondly, by just allowing him those 3 specific instances, they become intensely special and therefore all the more pleasurable and rewarding to him and are ever so much ingrained upon his conscious and subconscious mind throughout the long dry spells. He lives with those 3 special days on his brain for the remainder of the year until the next wonderful gift is bestowed upon him from his queen.

Thirdly (an awkward sounding word) rationing these gifts out, they highlight my complete sexual control of his body and it clearly states who is in charge there and who is not. She who giveth can also take it completely away…. I allow him these three hallowed sexual flavors to make him absolutely aware of what he is giving up for me on those other 362 days of the year, and what adhering to chastity during those long 362 days can provide him as just reward if he continues to behave for me.

 Finally and absolutely most importantly, because rationing his orgasms enhances all of the other aspects of our FLR lifestyle, primarily those which live outside of the sexual arena. It serves to put him into that deep naturally occurring “subspace” which is essential for our FLR marriage to work and thrive. He is put into the right mindset to give selflessly to me every day of the year. He is also in the right mindset to see and receive all of the other gifts I present to him throughout the year. This is the dynamic which allows him to perform the vast majority of our household chores without rancor and with simple derived self pleasure. He likes doing the dishes for me, he likes doing the household laundry. He likes running my bath and massaging my feet. He does many things for the greater satisfaction of his wife and that provides him with a direct sexual and psychological kick. I am not saying this lightly or with jest. He actually is mentally happy to do these things for me and amazingly enough as well, he is frequently sexually stimulated by these acts. His penis frequently weeps with precum as he goes about his chores, I’ve seen this many a time now. It's like he becomes a perpetually simmering pot of hyper sensitized sexual energy within, and all of this energy is primarily directed towards me. This is also the dynamic which which allows my sexual pleasure to become his own pleasure. Almost every night he goes down upon me and almost every night I am guaranteed to get a minimum of one orgasm and even on some occasions two or even three. I’ve been able to train his tongue and lips like the oral stud he now is. While he is going down on me, he clearly is in his own special sexual nirvana. His tongue becomes his cock and he enjoys every stroke and every delightful flavor that I can offer. I could go on and on with these behavioral enhancements. I am 100% convinced that these nuances are all derived from his retaining for me. I know what I had before chastity and I definitely know what I have after prolonged chastity.

You might read all of the above and think “the poor guy”, so little in it actually for him. That I am just taking without giving. But this couldn’t be further from the truth. By his own verbalized admissions and by his own demonstrated behavior he loves our lifestyle and thrives upon it. Sexually its not a one way street just for my pleasure. You cannot just lock a man and forget it and expect everything which I mentioned above to work and come to fruition. As his wife I have responsibilities to keep the FLR dynamic and passion working and fruitful for him. But I’m here to tell you that what I need to provide him daily to do that is so incredibly easy for me. Because of what he does for me daily and so selflessly and from his heart, I am therefore more than happy and excited to provide him also with what he needs. Its so incredibly easy and simple to maintain his FLR passion. A few minutes a day on my part fuels him for an entire day of devotion. Praise his acts of devotion, "good boy," "good girl," or "you sexy man" (or whatever endearment that works to get into his head that day). "You did such a good job of folding my panties, I’m so proud of you" and pat his crotch with affection. As he is bent over the sink doing the dishes, come up behind him and rub his crotch or rub his ass suggestively. When you notice his cock weeping with precum, take notice of it. Wipe it with your finger and lick it, or have him lick it off. "Good Boy." Take his clothes from him and have him walk around the house naked for your pleasure. Make him wear a pair of your dirty panties on another day. "Your such a wonderful pussy licker." "I love when you eat my ass out." Be vocal and dirty when he’s driving you crazy with his tongue. 

Let him know he's doing a good job, encourage him. Be in command and direct his tongue to best stimulate you. Men of this mindset get in the zone by being commanded and directed. In the morning or evening before bed, cup his naked balls in your hand and take a minute to apply body lotion to them in a sexual manner, "good boy, your balls feel so heavy." Smile knowingly at him. Cop a feel of his caged package quickly and secretively while in public places. "You did a really nice job raking out the lawn," and pat his ass briefly through his pants. All extremely very low energy easy stuff and it takes literally less than 5 minutes a day to refuel his tank this way. You get the idea here. Invest 5 minutes and get a day in return, pretty good trade off I would say. 

On top of all of this indirect sexual innuendo which I lavish on him daily, I also occasionally provide him with other more direct methods of sexual fulfillment. We have come to enjoy pegging in our relationship. Its an exchange of power and very physical and enjoyable for him (and me). He is loathe to admit that he does enjoy it, but we both know that he does. That’s part of the FLR aspect of it for the both of us. I enjoy taking his ass possessively and that fact that I don’t necessarily wait for his agreement to do so (figuratively speaking) enhances the act for us both. I am the dominant and he is the submissive. I am not raping him, he just struggles with what he views as the traditionally gay aspect of this act, and I push pass those barriers to which he tries to put in place as I peg him as needed and upon my random discretion. Very frequently now, I am able to milk his prostate with our pegging sessions, and he oozes quite the puddle of cum for me from these sessions. I further kink up this activity by insisting that he eat his own cum when this happens (in fact any time when he cums he must eat it up). It really messes with his mind in a overall positive manner when this occurs. I also have come to really enjoy this act. It has been an evolution process for us both. I really relish the feeling of control and dominance over him and it makes me very wet to see how he ultimately responds to it. 

Finally, he has also managed to have several totally hands free orgasms over the years. They are rare but they do occasionally occur. By hands free I mean nothing up the butt, no touching or contact of any sort. For us this seems to occur very sporadically when he has been retaining for a long period of time, when he is particularly mentally over stimulated and when he is engaged in orally pleasuring me. When all of these psychological stars align in his mushy brain, sometimes that results in him experiencing a slow draining of his prostate, very much like a milking but without the direct stimulation of his prostate. Extremely hot for me to observe this when it has occurred. For me this is like getting the academy award for doing everything right in our FLR relationship. Its an affirmation that we are doing something very right for how we have mutually defined our relationship. So really he does orgasm more than those 3 times a year. Its just that I limit the more conventional methods and orgasms to 3 times a year and the other times are just more like ruined orgasms.

I guess there is also one other additional benefit or change that has resulted directly from our long term chastity play and how it has shaped our FLR relationship and our sexual DNA. As a woman, I was always more in touch with the emotional and romantic aspects of relationships. Sex was just a nice by product for me but I really longed for the romantic aspects of a relationship and sex was definitely secondary for me. Men as I think we all know, are very physical in nature typically. The touch and feel and romance is not a natural condition for them. They quite frankly are all typically about sticking it in a hole and cumming. As our marriage has evolved from following the straight and narrow vanilla marriage to this definitely kinky FLR marriage, both of these stereotypical definitions of what a man needs and what a woman needs, have shifted from these somewhat opposing bookends to a meeting point which is more closely at the center. While I still greatly enjoy romance (and get it in spades from him) I have also achieved a much more sexually physical self. Basically I have come to really enjoy the physical and psychological nature of having sex, much like a man traditionally experiences. For his part, particularly when he has not ejaculated for a significant period of time and has not been provided with that hormonal release, he has definitely become more emotionally sensitive and emotionally needy as well. So he has developed some of the attributes that we would typically define for a woman, the need for touch and feel and dare I say, some romance. So I think it definitely has brought us together this special way as a couple. Pretty cool I would say.

This was the why and the benefits of chastity as I have experienced them in my marriage. I will write another post on the how to best implement chastity. Stat tuned.....

-AJ

Try Something New

I find that submissive men in a marriage are like hi IQ kids in a classroom. Before you get too excited guys, I am not saying that you are super smart. What I am referring to is that intelligent kids get bored in the traditional classroom. They need to be held to a higher standard and be given constant challenge in order to stay engaged in learning. I find that my husband is the same way with submission. When I keep his environment structured and challenging, his submission is high and he is happier while also being more productive for me. If I leave my foot off the "dominant" pedal for too long, then it has the opposite effect. He starts to be disengaged and not as happy.

So how does one keep the submissive constantly challenged? I do it by instituting changes in rules and expectations throughout the year as well as trying new things. The changes are often small but every so often I throw in a big change to really spice things up and deepen his submission to me. Smaller changes are easy to implement and due to the psychology of submission, can have a big impact on the submissive. New rules are a good example. When I added the rule that my husband was not permitted to sit at the head of the dining room table it had a lasting submissive impact on him. In the moment the rule was established he felt a part of his authority diminished and that excited him. Eventually it just becomes a part of normal life for him but in the weeks after the rule was established, he felt the submissive twang in him every time he sat at the table. Small changes like that every few months keep his submission fresh.

Some of the bigger changes that I have made in past include: requiring him to wear panties 24/7, establishing a weekly review routine and ritual, and putting him on a spending allowance. I see these bigger changes as things that significantly impact his and/or my daily or weekly routine. The changes tend to make big strides in propelling the WLM/FLR forward. Taking control of his orgasms is another big change, but it seems that for most couples, that is one of the first things done in establishing the dom/sub dynamic. I would imagine that for many people, the bigger changes occur as the relationship reaches a new level of maturity. I think it is beneficial for women in WLMs to proactively institute big changes every few years. These types of changes challenge and significantly stimulate the submissive mind and also increase the authority and power of the wife.

I also incorporate fun one-time events to keep his submission strong. I may indulge in one of his fetishes or fantasies one night or just spend a weekend being super strict and demanding with him. The "Boot Camp" that I wrote about previously is another example of a one-time event that keeps his submission strong. Each year I also plan a few weekends away with just the two of us and they often turn into fun weekends where I press his submissive hot buttons. When we are away, I tend to let loose on my inhibitions. The one-time events are fun for both of us and many times result in deep intimacy that brings us closer together as a couple. Many people have shared with me that they experience this same feeling of deep intimacy and closeness after an intense domination/submission experience. It truly is remarkable and something that can not be understood until you experience it yourself.

The one-time events have a very positive impact on the relationship. Not only do they keep things fun, but it deepens his submission and help build the confidence and dominance of the wife. I've noticed that my husband's submission is very high for days or even weeks afterward and he is very appreciative that I've indulged in his fantasy.  This creates loyalty in him and a strong desire to want to please me. For, me the events have been great confidence builders. When I role play or try new things, I step outside of my normal role knowing that it is just fantasy. Sometimes it felt weird or uncomfortable at first but as I immersed in the fantasy and saw the positive reactions from my husband (or felt the unexpected arousal within me), it turned fun and exciting. For example, the first time I ever spanked my husband, it felt very weird when we started but by the end I got so excited I actually had an orgasm while spanking him. The more you role play and try new fantasies or kinks, the less weird it becomes and for women, and this can dramatically increase their comfort level with being dominant. Quite often the the things I do in the fantasy sessions end up being things that I later incorporate into our normal routine. Having Thomas wear panties started out as just fantasy fun every now and then, and here we are years later and he wears them 24/7. The last point I want to make regarding one-time events is that for women new to domination, doing fantasy domination one night a month can be a great and fun way to dip your toe into the lifestyle and build your confidence. Eventually that one night can turn into a whole weekend and then a whole week, and before you know it your doing it every day.  

So I challenge the women readers of this blog to try something new in 2021. Step out of your comfort zone and do something different with your husband. Think of it as a Christmas present for him. He will love it! I think most times you will find an unexpected excitement when you do this but it's ok if it doesn't turn out the way you planned or if in the end you didn't like it.  Part of the fun is experimenting and seeing what works.  Below are a few ideas. If categorized them as small, big, and one-time but many of the ideas are interchangeable among categories depending on how you implement them.  For example some of the one-time events could turn into regular events that lead to a big change or some of the bigger changes could be done just as a one-time event. Also, there is no rule that says that once you implement a change you have to keep it. If after a few weeks or months, you are bored with the change, than stop doing it and give something else a try. There are many things over the years that I've done for a period of time and then replaced it with something else.  Enjoy and please report back on how it goes!

Small Changes

• Add a new weekly chore - spend time training him on it and reviewing his performance
• Add new/more strict expectations to an existing chore. Examples: add deadlines, chairs around table must be aligned perfectly, towels must be folded perfectly, etc.
• Evolve or changeup an existing routine, rule, or expectation
• if he wears panties, buy different styles so they feel different on him, add stockings, or make him wear a sexy garter around his thigh on special occasions; if you treat him like a pet, but him a tail or dog tag with his name engraved on it.
• Make him wear a special outfit during routine/chore such as a collar or maid's outfit or make him do it naked
• Turn regular foot massages into foot worship by making him kiss your feet before and after he massages them; make him say a mantra before massaging you.
• Add new rules such as: he must ask for permission to use remote, can only sit in one chair in the living room, must kneel when asking for something, or must sit when going to the bathroom
• Tell him to do things instead of asking him to do them. 

Bigger Changes

• Put him into a chastity device - this can be permanent or used occasionally for fun, punishment, or motivation 
• Make the decision to include punishment and discipline into your relationship
• Add new rituals or routines 
• A formal weekly review/discipline routine
• A transition ritual for him when he comes home from work - something to shift his mindset from work to serving you and being submissive
• Bedtime or morning ritual - these can include you (undress/dress you, kiss your feet, thank you for allowing him to serve you, etc.) or can be a ritual that he does on his own to prepare for the coming day and stay focused on serving you.
• Greeting ritual when you arrive at home such as immediately stopping whatever he is doing and coming to you, take your coat, and asking how he can serve you; he must silently kneel upon your arrival and await for you to 'release' him or give him instructions, or he must kiss your feet.
• Rules that take away some of his freedom or rights - no talking each night during certain hours, must ask permission to go out with friends or do activities
• Put him on a weekly spending allowance; takeaway or monitor his access to credit cards and bank accounts
• Significantly alter his wardrobe or appearance - must wear collar in the home, must be naked in the home or while doing certain things, get a tattoo that brands him or is symbolic of his submission to you, you pick out his outfit everyday, must always keep his balls shaved, you decide his hair style, etc.
• Make the decision to deeply explore a fetish or kink and incorporate it permanently into the relationship. Examples include feminization, strap-on, pet play, infantilism, chastity, bondage. Exploring a fetish or kink can lead to an exciting new journey within your relationship and is a fantastic way to spice things up. Take your time exploring. You don't have to do it all at once. I take great pleasure in slowly taking him down a path, making little changes over time. That in itself is a mind fuck for him because he does not know what's coming next or when will it end.

One-Time Events

• Spend a night or weekend 100% focused on one of his fetishes or fantasies
• Make him worship your ass with his tongue- this will remind him if his place beneath you.
• Try a new kink - pet play, feminization, spanking, ass worship, bondage
• A long and intense teasing and denial session; make sure he pleasures you in-between teases; I often enjoy doing this for several days. He is putty in my hands after a few days of intense T&D.
• Wear a new fetish outfit - surprise him with it or make him buy it for you. It's even fun to shop for it together.  
• Be extra strict and demanding for a day or weekend
• Have him pamper you and wait on you hand and foot all day - make him plan the day for you.
• Small "power moves" can get his submissive juices flowing- the revers spooning (you spoon him), order him to lick your finger that's covered in his precum, be physically aggressive with him, call him "slave" or tell him "good boy," hold his head tightly between your thighs.

-Mz Kaylee

No Talking Rule

As I noted in a previous post, some of the rules and protocols that I used during Boot Camp with my husband, I decided to continue outside of Boot Camp. One rule that I've used regularly since Boot Camp is the no talking rule. At least once a week I designate a time frame when Thomas is not to speak unless I ask him a direct question. Sometimes it occurs on a weeknight after work and a few times I've used the rule all day on Saturday or Sunday. On days when talking is allowed, I've been working with him (code for training him) on only speaking when he has something of value to add that I want to hear. In other words, I don't want him to insert his opinion when it's not needed and I don't want him to talk about things that annoy me or that I have no interest in. The training is going quite well!

I have to admit that it is fabulous to have him sit quietly next to me and only talk when I ask him a question. It is also enjoyable that I can order him to do something and he can not question me or add his own commentary. He just obeys without a word. I like that a lot!! In that past he has frequently told me that he feels owned by me. Well I can tell you that his obedience without comment gives me the feeling of ownership of him.

Recently, on one of the evenings in which the no talking rule was in effect, I was in the mood for sex. When I gave him permission to pleasure me, I also reminded him that he was not allowed to talk. The only words he was allowed to say were "please stop," if he was about to have an orgasm. I also decided not to say much so he had to pay close attention to my body language and follow my lead on how to pleasure me. Eventually I ended up on top of him, riding him until I had an orgasm.  When I was done I told him how great it was and before he could respond, I told him again in a firm tone, that he was not allowed to talk. He was to remain silent until the morning. He was fully aroused but all he could do was lay silently next to me while I read in bed.

It was fun and exciting for me to tease his cock and use him for my pleasure without him being allowed to talk or orgasm. He was silent before, during, and after sex. This made him completely submissive and 100% focused on me and my pleasure. He existed as my sex toy to play with and use anyway I wanted. This parallels the concepts written about in the guest post a few weeks ago from Mistress Kym on objectification. In particular, her words "you own it, and use it as you desire or need," resonated well with my experience.  

It was an exciting experience for both Thomas and I and one that I will most definitely do again!

-Mz Kaylee

Boot Camp Revisited

Earlier in the summer my husband and I had the opportunity to get away for a few weeks. One f the perks of working remotely is that you can work anywhere and so we decided to spend a few weeks away in order to get a change in scenery. It was the first time in a long while that we had "alone time" without kids or interruptions from family and friends.

With the pandemic still going and having two teenagers in the house, it has limited the intimate time with my husband and the opportunities to do the more intense or kinky domination, which I enjoy and my husband craves. After we made plans to take the trip without the kids, it was no surprise to me when my husband asked if I would do a Boot Camp while we were away.  He was practically begging for it. It was an easy decision for me and he was like an excited kid when I told him that Boot Camp would indeed be in his future..

If you have not read my boot camp posts, the links are here:\

Submissive Craving Boot Camp: https://femdomthinktank.blogspot.com/2019/10/submissive-craving-boot-camp.html

Submissive Craving Boot Camp Continued:   https://femdomthinktank.blogspot.com/2019/10/submissive-craving-boot-camp-continued.html

I pretty much followed the same process and had the same rules in place as the last boot camp, with just a few changes here and there. This was the third time I've done Boot Camp with my husband over the last several years. I must say it gets even more fun and is more effective each time I do it. I went into this one much more sure of what I was doing and more confident in myself and so I was tougher and stricter then the last time. I made him serve me hand and foot for 4 days straight! 

One of the great things about the Boot Camp approach is that I go into it with the mindset that it is mostly fantasy. This makes it easy for me to step into a strict and demanding role and take things to a more extreme level than usual. The fantasy role play was something that helped me get comfortable with being dominant when I was first learning the ropes of WLM. Domination did not come naturally for me. At first it was weird but each time we did fantasy play, it became less weird and more fun. It did not take long for some of the fantasy to transition into our reality. Fast forward 20+ years later and fantasy play still helps me become a better dominant wife. For women starting out in a WLM/FLR whom dominance does not come naturally, I recommend experimenting with fantasy and role playing on a regular basis to build your confidence and get comfortable with dominance. For those in a mature WLM/FLR, fantasy play is a great way to spice things up and reinvigorate the exciting power dynamic.

Since I was more at ease going into this Boor Camp, I noticed more things. I noticed how easily aroused Thomas was at the littlest signs of authority from me. He really is wrapped around my finger! I noticed how he enjoyed and looked forward to the ritual of me putting on and taking off his collar and cuffs each time he left or came into the house. I also came to the realization that I can be harder and stricter with Thomas and it's not going to break him. In fact it does the opposite. He thrives in my dominance. Finally I realized how much fun it was having him at my beck and call every day, completely focused on me. All these discoveries were learning experiences for me that have already resulted in changes in how I am leading the WLM.

As with the last Boot Camp, new rules and expectations were set for Thomas coming out of this Boot Camp. I let him know that much of what went on during Boot Camp, was a glimpse into what his life will be like once the kids are out of the house, which is less than 2 years way. He was both excited and nervous at the thought. I told him that I've been too easy on him and that going forward, I was going to hold him to a higher standard and be more strict. For example, one new expectations that I set was that the dishes and kitchen needed to be cleaned immediately after dinner and not when he felt like it.   He agreed that I was being a little easy on him and seemed to be excited that I was going to run a tighter ship with him going forward.

During camp, Thomas wore a butt plug whenever we went out. I had not broke out the butt plug in a very long time. I forgot how submissive and weak he becomes when he is wearing a plug. It has a profound effect on him that I like and so I decided that the plug will be used on a frequent basis going forward. Since we've been back he's worn it at least once a week. I think he looks forward to being ordered to insert it prior to doing a task or errand for me.

So far I've stuck to my word, and have been more strict with him and have held him to a higher standard. Let's just say that he has been sent to the corner more than usual as he learns to adjust to the higher standards. It has been great for me. He is doing more things for me and the house is much cleaner and I am loving it. Thomas is also enjoying the tighter control. I've known for many years that submissive men crave and enjoy the strictness and tight control but it still seems crazy to me and it is wild to to see it in action.  I feel like this last Boot Camp elevated our WLM to a different level. 

To my fellow Goddesses, I recommend you give it a try. Use the links above to see my posts on what I did for Boot Camp and use that as your guide.  Create your own Boot Camp based on what appeals to you and what goals you want to accomplish during the Boot Camp. Don't be afraid to go outside your comfort zone. It will be a great experience for both your husband and you.  

-Mz Kaylee

  

Submissive Craving - Boot Camp (Continued)

PHASE II: INTENSE TRAINING

Friday
I know Thomas will wake up Friday morning with an erection and I know he will be eager and excited for his training. This is his fantasy world and he is on an erotic high. Per my orders, Thomas is up at 6 am on Friday and there is an envelope on the bureau with his morning instructions. He is to shower and shave and practice saying his mantra out loud up until 6:30. In my note I remind him to keep the collar and cuffs on, even in the shower, and that he is not to speak without permission. Included with the note is a very long list of chores. At 6:30 he is to start on the chores, doing them in order and checking each one off as he completes it. The list is exhaustive and pretty much includes cleaning every inch of the house. I even have a few fun tasks thrown in such as arranging my shoes neatly and refolding the panties in my drawer to be nice and neat.  Thomas will be working the list throughout the weekend in between the activities I have planned. He does not know this. He only knows that he is to work down the list until 8:30, at which time he is to start making breakfast and coffee for me so that he can serve it to me in bed at 9:00.

During breakfast he quietly and obediently rubs my feet and then I have him dress me for the day. No fetish wear for me today. I've already accomplished what I wanted to accomplish with fetish wear the night before. Today it's just shorts and a t-shirt for me. While he cleans up breakfast I do a quick inspection of the chores he has already done. This is boot camp so I am expecting perfection and looking for things to correct. It's amazing how many things you can find wrong when you want to. I quietly make a list and then review it with him. During the review his hands are cuffed behind his back and I lead hi, from room-to-room by his hard cock. In start in the living room and I read from the list of what needs to be corrected in that room. Then I place the list on an end table and have him read each item saying "I promise to do better at...[state the item]." I spank him with the riding crop after each item. It's mostly lighter teasing slaps but for things that I think are more serious, he gets a harder slap. I repeat the same process in each room. When we are done, I release his hands and send him off to correct the items.

While he corrects the items,  I relax and read through the list of rules and chores that he prepared in advance of boot camp. The nice thing about having him write out the list is there are many rules that I have created over the years, which I don't remember. Honestly, many of the rules were to appease his submissive nature and I did not pay much attention to after we initially established them. However, he remembers most of them and I am amused at several of the ones that I forgot about. For the most part he does a great job at following the rules and keeping up with his chores. However there are many that he could do better with and I highlight those for discussion later. I also add a few that he forgot about.

Next it is off to do some errands and lunch. The butt plug, a pair of silk panties, cock strap, and clothes are laid out on the bed for him to wear. Once properly dressed I remove his collar and cuffs and we are off. He chauffeurs me  around, quietly follows me in the stores and carries my bags. I instruct him to always remain a step or two behind me. I also let him know that going forward I expect him to follow that rule whenever we go shopping together. I swear his cock twitched in his pants when I said that :) We of course have to stop at Frederick's of Hollywood and browse the sexy lingerie. I pick out a sexy teddy for me to wear later and a few pairs of panties for him.

The rest of the day is more chores and him serving me and pampering me. In the evening I wear the newly bought teddy and have him put on a pair of the panties that I picked out. Then it's lots of teasing for him and lots of pleasure for me. I queen him and have an incredible orgasm while he is denied and left in a horny state. Thomas will tell me several days later that he did not sleep great during boot camp because he was so horny and charged up that he kept waking up with erections.  I loved hearing that!

Saturday
Saturday follows a similar pattern as Friday. He wakes up aroused and then showers and shaves and starts on his chores. Then it's breakfast in bed, more chores for him, and me training him to correctly do the chores. In the afternoon it's more errands and shopping and in the evening, teasing and domination by me. When we are home he is naked and in collar and cuffs. When we go out it's panties, cock strap, and butt plug. I enjoy the ritual of removing and putting the collar and cuffs on him each time we leave and return home. I make sure to tease his cock a bit each time. When I put the items on him, I tell him "good boy" and tell him how sexy he looks in his collar and cuffs. When I take them off, I let him know that I can't wait until to put them back on again when we are home. I am purposely saying things like this to him to reinforce my control over him and acceptance of his servitude toward me. One thing I have learned over the years is that words have a strong impact on submissive men. They cling to them much more then the typical person and it really affects their emotions. Simply saying "I own you" or "your belong to me" has a deep emotional impact. Saying these things when they are in a highly submissive and aroused state has a multiplying effect. Words are very powerful and when used over and over again, I believe they can shape a persons thoughts and emotions.

I keep a very dominant and strict attitude with Thomas throughout the day. I incorporate spanking, corner time, kneeling, and lots of teasing into the training. Even when he is pleasuring me, I am very dominant and commanding with him, telling him what to do and being physically rough with him. By now, he is not the only one immersed into a fantasy world. I am riding on the high of being in control and really getting into the domination role. It's amazing how much you can get into it when you put the real world aside and dive into the fantasy.

PHASE III:STRENGTHENING HIS LOYALTY AND OBEDIENCE
Sunday
On Sunday the focus shifts from him to me. The day will be about him serving and worshiping me. I want a nice breakfast at the table and I want to see fresh flowers on the table. I don't want to get up early so I give him permission to remove his collar and cuffs on his own when he leaves in the morning to buy the flowers. I come down at 9 am and everything is set perfectly and he has the flowers arranged nicely in a vase. This time I allow him to sit at the table and talk with me. It is a first step towards transitioning back to the real world. Although for him, he will ride the submissive high for many days after boot camp.

After breakfast he bathes me and massages me and then I order him to worship my body. He kisses every part of my body. With each kiss he tells me that he worships me and will always obey me.  It's a little over the top but as I said before, this is boot camp and boot camp is over the top. In his perpetually aroused and submissive state, I sense that this type of body worship has a hypnotic effect on him. I like it! In keeping with the theme, I present my ass to him and tell him to worship it. He must first recite his mantra while staring at my ass. I am amused by this and feeling so in control, like I own him. I make him worship my ass with his tongue for several minutes all while telling him how much I love it and how much I love that he serves me, is beneath me, and that this is how it is meant to be. My words are purposeful and meant to dominate him emotionally but also part fantasy. In my opinion words, actions, and attitude are much more powerful and impacting than physical domination.

Next I have him lay on the bed and I tease him to the brink of orgasm over and over again. It's easy to do in his super heightened state of arousal. While I tease him I tell him again how much I enjoy that he is my submissive slave and talk about how it will always be that way. This excites him even more. As a part of the teasing, I place a pair of my used panties over his face and have him worship my panties by taking deep breaths and inhaling my scent. I tell him that each time he breathes in my scent it makes him weaker and more under my control. I continue to tease his cock. Each time he hits the brink of orgasm, I stop and hold his cock and make him recite his mantra to me. With him on the brink and me still holding his cock, he must concentrate very hard not to cum. It is a great mind fuck and so much fun for me to tease him like this. I know he loves these mind games and that this will have an effect on him for weeks after. By the time I am done with him, his mind is complete mush. I leave the room and tell him to come down stairs when he has calmed down.

We go out for lunch. He still must wear the butt plug and cock strap when we are out of the house. He is so horny that the slightest touch from me, a strict tone, or dominant remark sets off his erection. What I enjoy about cock straps/rings, is that they multiply the arousal effect and make it last longer. At least that's what they do to Thomas. When he is wearing one and starts to get aroused, it is hard for him to stop the arousal and he usually ends up with a full erection. Then, because of the strap it take him a long time to calm down, Now add in the effect of the plug in his ass and he has no chances against the forces surrounding him. He has frequent erections while we are out. I have a little fun purposely saying things or giving him a little rub to set him off and then teasing him about how weak he is.

In the afternoon, he kneels before me naked while I sip a glass of wine. Now it's time to use the rules and chores list that he prepared prior to boot camp. I have him read the items on the list that I highlighted. As he reads each highlighted item, he must promise to do better. When he finished the list he promises me that he will continue to do an excellent job with the other items on the list. Finally, I hand him a pen and tell him a few more rules that will go into effect immediately and add a few more chores that he must do going forward. He writes them down on the list and then he repeats his mantra again. Are you seeing the theme here for Sunday - lots of worshipping me, mentally reinforcing is submission, and having him promise to do better. There is a lot of mental domination on Sunday.

His last big assignment for Boot Camp is to write me a letter. At least one page is to be focused on thanking me and telling me how lucky he is to be allowed to serve and obey me and at least one page is to be focused on how he promises to obey and serve me going forward and what he will do to make my life better. I let him know that he will read me the letter before bed and if it is convincing and I am pleased by it, he will earn back the privilege of wearing his wedding ring and being my submissive husband. In his frame of mind, I am sure I will get quite an interesting letter. I limit it to three pages to keep him from going too far off the rails. While he writes his letter, I relax and watch TV.

In the evening, as promised, he reads his letter out loud to me. I am sitting in a chair while he kneels before me wearing nothing but a cute pair of panties when he reads the letter. I enjoy his letter and some of the things he writes makes me laugh. I tell him he has earned back the privilege of being my submissive husband and can wear his wedding ring again. Before I place the ring on his finger, I tell him that the ring has new meaning compared to the first time I put it on him when we were married. Not only is it a symbol of our never ending love but it is also a symbol of his eternal submission and obedience to me. I have him pledge this to me before I place the ring on his finger.

I end the night and boot camp by queening him. In my opinion, queening is one of the most dominant things a woman can do to a man. Being on top of him,fully in control while he works diligently to pleasure me is liberating. It is a great way to end the session. I know he is horny and ready to explode but I decide not to allow him an orgasm. I want his horniness to spill into the week so that boot camp has a lasting effect on him. I feel like an orgasm for him at this point would totally wipe him out and would lessen the effects of boot camp. He will have to wait until the next weekend for his orgasm.

Boot Camp Conclusion
There it is...my intense boot camp. This post was much more detailed and personal than what I usually write but sometimes the best way to explain things is to to tell the story and share actual experiences. Hopefully you get the gist of what can be done. You can go more extreme or less extreme depending on your comfort with it and what you want to accomplish but you do want to make sure your boot camp is more structured and intense then what you normally do. It's takes quite a bit of planning to make it effective. I thought the way I structured it into the three phases (breaking him down, intense training, and strengthening is loyalty and obedience), worked very well.

There are many benefits from boot camp. It was tons of fun for both of us and it quenched his submissive craving. It really was a fantasy come true for him. Aside from the fun, in the end he became better trained to serve me and more loyal to me. The effects were immediate. The first few weeks after boot camp, Thomas was wrapped around my finger and doing everything possible to please me. His loyalty to me and desire to serve me was so strong! Over time that effect wore off and I needed to use the typical discipline and motivators to keep him in line but there were some definite changes with his attitude and and how he served me and did chores that became a permanent part of his being.

Boot Camp also helped me become a better dominant wife. The experience made me more comfortable being in control of Thomas and I think I emerged a little more tougher, confident, and in control of my husband. Finally, we grew closer as a couple through the experience. When you experience something together that is so intense and intimate you can't help but get to know each other better and feel closer. It is a wonderful feeling.

I hope you enjoyed the post and I sincerely hope that you can take something from this series and apply it to your relationship.


--MzKaylee

Submissive Craving - Boot Camp

I saved this technique for last because it incorporates the concepts from my last two posts (fantasy days and power trips). Also, it is a more extreme approach. Women new to WLM may not be ready for something this extreme (but it's really not that extreme :). I'm sure there are many beginners whose dominance comes naturally or who are very comfortable in their sexuality and being dominant. If you fit into this category, then Boot Camp is a great way to kick start the WLM and establish the rules of the marriage going forward. In a growing WLM, Boot Camp can be used to elevate his obedience and servitude to a higher level. For example, perhaps you've reached a point where you are ready to kick things up a notch and have him take on more chores or you are ready to incorporate additional rules and expectations for him,  Boot Camp is a fun and effective method for taking your relationship to that next level. Finally, if you are in a mature WLM, then Boot Camp can be used to re-energize the WLM or whip your husband back into shape if he has started to slack off or has gotten too comfortable in the submissive role. Celebrating your wedding anniversary with a boot camp is also fun to do.

When you hear the term Boot Camp, you're probably thinking about military boot camp or if you are a fitness buff. maybe a fitness boot camp comes to mind. Boot Camp is associated with things like intense training, rigid structure, high expectations, and toughness. I always envision a drill sergeant giving orders and pushing trainees to their limits. When it comes to boot camp for your husband these same concepts apply. The idea is to put your husband through strict and intense domination and training over a period of several days.

While a military boot camp is tough, intense, and challenging to endure it is a positive experience because the recruits emerge physically and emotionally stronger and well trained. Likewise I want my boot camp to be both tough and a positive experience for my husband. My goals are to train him to serve and obey me exactly the way I want, strengthen his submission and devotion to me, and to quench his submissive craving. Boot camp is a fun way to do this. Trust me, boot camp is a fantasy come true for submissive men.

Before I go further into describing Boot Camp, I want to provide a little perspective into the wisdom I am about to pass on. I have only done Boot Camp with my husband twice. The first time it was pretty basic and mostly focused on me training him to do chores. I told him we were going to spend the weekend doing training. It was early in our WLM so I was still learning the ropes. The term Boot Camp did not come up until after it was over. Whenever we referred back to the training session we called it the Boot Camp weekend. The second time was many years later when I was a seasoned dominant wife and more comfortable in my role. I planned out several days of Boot Camp with the intent of improving his service to me and also blowing his mind with intense dominance and control. What I describe below is based on the second session because it is a much more comprehensive approach,  By no means do you need to do it all. Pick and choose what works for you based on where you are in your WLM.

There are many ways you can structure boot camp and endless activities you can incorporate into the training. They key is to keep your days structured and to elevate your dominance and expectations to extreme fantasy levels. For Boot Camp, I wanted get my husband to the point where he was obeying and waiting for the next order or task and not thinking on his own. I structured it into three phases. Phase 1 was to set the strict tone for the training and "break him down" to that point where he is just listening and obeying, phase 2 was intense training, and phase 3 was bringing him back to reality and strengthening his loyalty and obedience.

Pre-Boot Camp
There is prep work for him. Boot Camp will start Thursday after work and will last until Sunday. We will both take vacation days from work on Friday. At the beginning of the week I give him instructions that he is to make no plans Thursday - Sunday and that by Thursday he must make a list of all the current rules he is expected to follow and all chores and tasks that he is expected to do. I let him know that he will be punished for every rule or tasks that he forgets to include. I will use this list during boot camp. I also tell him that he must shave his genitals Wed night so he is nice and smooth for me and I want him to get a fresh clean haircut prior to training. Finally, I give him a mantra to memorize. I let him know that he is expected to recite it on command. I don't recall the exact mantra I used but it included things like he worships me and promises to obey me and serve me always.

PHASE I: BREAKING HIM DOWN

Thursday
I lay out work clothes for him to wear along with thong panties and a cock strap. I leave a note that I expect him home by 5pm. He is not to be late. If he is late, regardless of the reason, he will be punished. For him to be home by 5pm he has to leave work early. If he has meetings in the afternoon he will have to reschedule them. If he can not, then he must suffer my consequences of being late. If he is late because of traffic, too bad! This is a no excuse policy. This tough stance is designed to start setting the tone for the next few days and get his mind into submissive mode.

He arrives before 5pm and I am waiting for him in my latex mini dress, heels, and my hair pulled back. This look adds to the dominant tone and immediately shifts his mind into submission. I can see the results immediately in his body language and the bulge in his pants. He is so easy! I order him to strip in the living room. I even take his wedding ring from him and let him know that for the next few days he is nothing but a slave to me and will have to work to earn back the privilege of being my submissive husband.

Next, I have him stand naked in the middle of the room for an inspection. Before the inspection begins, I attach leather cuffs to his wrists and ankles and put a collar around his neck. I start the inspection by tracing my hands all over his body and circling him slowly while I view my property. He is not allowed to speak during this. There is a lot of groping by me and I pinch his nipples. It's basically me enjoying my property while I make comments like, "my property." "you belong to me," and "so nice." I also order him to do things like spread his legs wider (I'll firmly kick his foot outward when ordering this), put his hands behind his head, hold his arms out, and bend over. During the inspection most things are good but I point out a few areas that need improvement such as trimming his nails and eyebrows. I note these on my punishment list and then retrieve my riding crop. While he is still in position with his hands behind his head, I give him a few firm swats on his ass and make him promise to take care of the things I pointed out that need improvement. I then place the crop under his balls and gently rub them with the crop. I tell him I am pleased at how smooth his balls are but that I notice a few hairs. I give his balls a few light taps with the riding crop and tell him he needs to take care of that before he goes to bed. "Yes Goddess," he replies. Finally, I command him to recite the mantra the he has memorized. He is able to do it but he stumbles a bit and misses a few words. I give him a several swats with the riding crop and tell him he needs to improve. I expect him to recite it exactly as written, without hesitation, and with enthusiasm. I want the words to flow naturally and not as if he is reciting something he just memorized. He will achieve that before the end of Boot Camp. No excuses.

With my inspection over, I go over a few rules for the next couple of days. Some of the rules he already knows but since it's boot camp, I re-state them to remind him of my authority over him. I begin to lightly stroke his cock with the riding crop as I give the first rule, "no cumming without my permission...and I don't plan to give permission anytime soon. Understood?" He responds with a "Yes Goddess." My second rule is that during training over the next few days he must always respond to all orders and commands from me with "Yes Goddess, I exist to obey you."  It's a little over the top but that's what boot camp is all about.  Out of habit he responds with "Yes Goddess" and he immediately gets a hard swat of the riding crop and I firmly correct him, "Yes Goddess, I exist to serve you." He starts to apologize and I spank him again and repeat "Yes Goddess I exist to serve you." He finally wises up and just repeat those words. I acknowledge his response by saying, "Those are the only words you need to say," Then I give the next rule, "you will not speak at all unless I ask you a direct question or I give permission or you are acknowledging my orders and commands."

I go through a few more rules with him while I slowly circle his body and trace the crop over his ass, cock, and balls, giving a few slaps and spanks here and there. My tone is firm and authoritative. I purposely look for things to correct him on as we go through this exercise. His is not standing straight enough, he is not speaking loud enough, he needs to respond with more enthusiasm, etc. I do this purposely so that he is feeling my power and authority and does not have time to think for himself. I want him in the mindset of just obeying every command I throw at him.  The effect on him is noticeable. He is fully aroused, submissive, and ready to obey. I can tell he his having a difficult time listening as the pleasure and submissive feelings wash over him. He is exactly in the mindset I want him to be in.

I am also in different mindset at this point. I am aroused and feeling the power. I sit on the couch, spread my legs and order him get on his knees and to orally pleasure me. I am very forceful and dominant with him while he pleasures me. When I have had enough. I forcefully push him away and tell him I am done with him. He is breathless. I love it! While I recover from my orgasm, I order him to remove my heels and then he kneels before me while I order takeout dinner.

I decide to have Thomas pick up the dinner rather than have it delivered. This will give me a few minutes alone to collect my thoughts for the rest of the evening. I remove his collar and cuffs and have him wear a butt plug, cock strap, and panties under his clothes. I pick out a t-shirt and gym shorts for him to wear. For the next few days he will have no choice in what he wears. I will pick out everything. I let Thomas know that during Boot Camp he is to always be in a collar and cuffs when in the house and whenever we leave the house he is to always have a butt plug in. The routine will be that when we leave the house he will insert the plug, put on the cock strap, and then wait for me by the door. I will remove his collar and cuffs. When we return to the house, he will immediately strip naked and stand facing the wall next to the door and wait for me to re-collar and cuff him. He is not permitted to go any further into the house until this happens. Then he can remove and clean the butt plug and cock strap.

When Thomas returns with the food and he is naked and cuffed again, I order him to set the table just for me and prepare my plate. He will be serving me and not eating with me. I have him stand at attention next to the table while I eat. On command he fetches me drinks, cuts my food, and refills food on my plate. I take many opportunities to fondle and tease him while he serves me. In between commands he stands quietly at attention and listens to me talk about how good the food is and how much I am enjoying him serve me. After awhile I allow him to kneel next to me and I feed him some of the food every now and then. I must confess, feeding him while he knelt beside me was quite erotic and a big turn on.

After dinner he cleans up while I relax on the couch and watch TV. Then he is off to run me a bath.  He bathes me, massages me and then pleasures me again before bed. Our first night of Boot Camp is over and he is broken down and in complete submissive mode and I am feeling very much in control.

TO BE CONTINUED.......

Submissive Craving - Power Trips

There are many things I do that send a clear message to my husband that I have authority over him. In this post, I'll refer to these actions as Power Trips. I think that's a fitting description since it is about me wielding my power over my husband. Power Trips come in many forms. It can be firm orders commanding him to do something, a demanding discipline session, a harsh punishment, aggressive sexual play, or fantasy play where I tease at how I own him and that he must obey me.

Sometimes a Power Trip is done with serious purposeful intentions. For example, if I feel Thomas is slacking off in his chores or becoming lazy, I may take a strict and serious tone with him and order him to immediately address the issues. I may take it further and point out small little things that need to be improved with his chores and I may even add a few additional tasks that I want him to do in the next day or two. The benefit of a WLM is that I can spout out orders and not have to worry about him arguing. He obeys without question. This is a bit of an extreme approach and it is purposely done to to correct his laziness and improve his behavior. It also serves a dual purpose of quenching his submissive craving, Yes, believe or not, submissive men enjoy and desire this tough and demanding approach. Thomas always gets an erection when I do this.

I also use Power Trips to remind him of my authority over him, which of course brings out his deep submissive nature. My fellow Goddess wives, if you want to try something fun, plan out a day for your husband and then tell him in a very direct and commanding tone what he is going to do for the day. The key is to be commanding and not ask or be polite. It could go something like this, "Thomas, I have a few things that need to be returned to Kohls. After breakfast you will return them for me and then you will pick up a few things at the supermarket for me. Once you get home, you will do all your chores before dinner. After dinner plan on running me a bath and I expect a massage afterward."

It is fun for me to hit Thomas with demands like that out of the blue. The instant change in his demeanor when I do this is exciting to watch. He gets excited, submissive, and aroused all at once. He becomes an instant loyal slave who can not wait to serve me and his submissive craving is being fed by me. I am still amazed at how simply changing my tone and attitude can have such an impact on Thomas. Ladies, if you have not done this with your submissive husband, you must give it a try. You will not be disappointed.

Last week I peeked into the living room to make sure Thomas was not sitting in my chair. He was not, but I let him know that I was checking on him. Doing little things like that to make sure he knows you are enforcing rules is another purposeful power trip that keeps him on his toes.

Then there are the Power Trips that are more fun and fantasy but also remind him of his place beneath me. When he is begging to cum, I may tell him how weak he is. I enjoy teasing his cock to the brink of orgasm over and over again, while telling him things like I own him, I love that he is my slave,  and that he needs to obey me and please me if ever wants to orgasm again. One of the biggest Power Trips is to tease him until he begs for orgasm and then tell him 'no.' When we first started our WLM it was fun to do this but it was not easy being tough. I would often give in. In fact, years later Thomas would admit that I was somewhat predictable when I would allow an orgasm. That predictability went away once I got my feet wet in WLM and learned that being denied orgasm is actually a rush for him, I became very good at denying him and I now enjoy having that power over him and I also get a rush from it. It is so much fun for both of us when I get him all worked up and then have him pleasure me to an orgasm but he gets none. Thomas can no longer predict when I will allow him an orgasm. Sometimes he goes months and sometimes he goes weeks and every now and then he might get one within a few days. I absolutely love teasing him like that and he loves the mind fuck from it all.

Another fun Power Trip is to take complete control during sex and be very dominant and aggressive with him.The queening position is great for this or having him kneel and perform oral on me. In the past year I've become much more aggressive with him during oral sex, squeezing my thighs tight around his head or pushing his head into me. Let's just say he's been having a hard time breathing down there. :). What's crazy is that the more breathless he is, the more aroused he gets. I must confess, oral sex has gotten hotter with us in the last few months.

Sometimes during sex (I am on top), I order him to remain still and not thrust. He is supposed to always remain still during sex or while I tease him unless I tell him otherwise. He is pretty good at following this rule but sometimes his natural instincts kick in and he starts to thrust. I will allow it on occasion if it is feeling good for me but others times I will reprimand him and tell him to remain still. Even when he is still, it is fun to order him not to thrust just to reinforce my authority over him. Whenever I give the order to not thrust or for him to remain still, something changes in him. His arousal suddenly spikes and it becomes harder for him to repress his orgasm. Another great mind fuck just by saying a few words!!

Power Trips are a lot of fun for me but also drive him wild and help to appease his submissive craving. As you become experienced in WLM, you'll find that often times you'll naturally go into Power Trip mode or sometimes it will be a spontaneous activity. It is also fun to plan a fantasy Power Trip every now then to spice things up and to remind him of his proper place beneath you. If you are a woman who is new to WLM, planning frequent Power Trips is a must! It is a great way for you to get comfortable in the dominant role while having fun.

I would love to hear what Power Trips you have all experienced and what are your favorites.

-Mz Kaylee.

Submissive Craving - Fantasy Days

Engaging in my husband's submissive fantasies on occasion and focusing on his fetishes is one way that I feed his craving. If you are new to Wife Led Marriage (WLM) or femdom, fantasy play is a great way to dip your feet into this new wonderful world and start to experiment with your husband's submission and your dominance over him. When a couple is embarking on a WLM, there is often a large imbalance between the husband's craving for being controlled and the amount of time the wife exerts control over him. His craving is much bigger and more intense than what she can give. A large part of this is usually attributed to her not understanding what to do or not being comfortable in the dominant role. Fantasy play is a great way to start bridging that gap.

In the beginning of my WLM, we planned monthly fantasy days. They helped me get comfortable in the dominant role and helped me understand his submission. There was very little domination that occurred in between fantasy days.  I was just not prepared to engage fully in the lifestyle at that time. However, over time, as I became more comfortable and confident with being dominant and as I learned more about the dynamics of his submission, I began to exert control over him outside of the fantasy days and I began to incorporate rules and expectations for him into our daily life. It was a slow and gradual change but eventually (after many years) the monthly fantasy days faded away because we had transitioned into a WLM lifestyle. For couples new to the lifestyle or who are struggling to keep it going, I recommend this approach. Guys, for you, this approach can be a compromise  if your wife is not engaging in the lifestyle. This is one of those times when you need to adjust your expectations and accept that domination will occur only during the fantasy times and really enjoy and savor those moments and not pester her about wanting more.

Although monthly fantasy days have faded away in my WLM, we still engage in fantasy days. They are just less frequent. Fantasy play still has a place in a mature WLM. Even a WLM can grow mundane over time. Fantasy days are a way to spice things up. A WLM is not meant to be all serious. Fantasy and fun are great ingredients for any marriage. I find that when I let loose and play into his fantasies and fetishes, it strengthens his submission to me and brings us closer together as a couple. When you engage in his wildest fantasies, he often experiences new levels of pleasure and thrills. If you have a strong intimate bond with your partner, like my husband and I do, it is easy to trust each other and completely let go of your inhibitions. The result is deeply fulfilling and intimate fantasy play that brings you closer together. It is almost spiritual.  I have heard others in a WLM, including some of you who read my blog, describe the same type of closeness after experiencing and intense fantasy or domination session.

It is very easy to engage in a fantasy day. I know my husband well so figuring out what to do is not hard. For me the hard part is getting into the right mood. It is easy to get caught up in day-to-day life and not take time out for fantasy fun. That is why it is good to plan a few of these each year.  Once I focus on it, I get in the mood quickly and it is fun and exciting for me too!  There are also times when fantasy play is spontaneous. If the mood strikes you at anytime, go for it!

If you are in a newer relationship or just starting the journey of WLM, just ask your husband about his fantasies. A word of advice is to continually ask about his fantasies over time. Often times men are embarrassed about some of their fantasies and therefore do not disclose all of them to you initially. As your relationship grows and your husband gets more comfortable expressing his fantasies to you, he will open up more.  Also, over time a man's fantasies may change so it's good to revisit fantasies. Another technique for drawing out his fantasies is to ask about them when he is horny. A horny man will open up more about his sexual desires. I find it very amusing and fun to tease my husband's cock while I ask about his fantasies. Keep probing deeper and deeper the more he talks and you will learn a lot. You can also ask leading questions such as, "do you enjoy being tied up," or "would you let me spank you?" I've discovered that the more horny my husband is and the longer he is kept in a horny state, the more bizarre his confessions become. lol! I don't get freaked out over it. Men do not think straight once their hormones run wild.

Once you know his fantasies, it is up to you to choose which ones to engage in. You have no obligation to engage in any particular fantasy of his. One of my husband's top fantasies is a three-some where he is submissive to myself and another women.  That's not going to happen. There are many other that I will not do. Some of the things that I will do which he loves include putting on fetish wear, turning into strict dominatrix, spanking, inspecting his body and queening him. I've also put a collar and leash on him and led him around the house like my pet. It really is fun when you get into it! Often time I will play into his feminization desires by taking him shopping for panties, making him dress in stockings, or planning a "girls night out" with just him and I, Some of these things I may do on a typical day and not as part of a fantasy. What makes fantasy days different is that it is a day where I focus solely on his fantasy or fetish and take it to a more extreme level.  It is pure fantasy and fun and not meant to be real.

Fantasy days are a lot of fun for both of us. In fact, I usually turn them into fantasy weekends and sometimes I extend some of the fantasy even longer. For example, earlier in our WLM, the only time I had Thomas wear panties was when we did fantasy play. Sometimes when the fantasy was over, I would tell Thomas that he still had to wear panties for the next week.  And to think, now he wears panties 24/7!  That's a good example of how our fantasy play transitioned into real life.

I enjoy doing fantasy days for my husband and I also benefit from them. As I wrote above, we bond during fantasy days. I also notice a stronger sense of loyalty and devotion to me in the weeks following a fantasy day. I can tell that he is happy grateful that I entertain his fantasies every now and then, I guess it's one way to ensure I remain the girl of his dreams :).

-Mz Kaylee

Submissive Craving - Part 2

In part 1 of this post, I wrote about how strong the submissive craving is in men. The many comments logged in part 1 validates that what I wrote about is real. Thanks to those of you who contributed and provided input. I enjoyed seeing that there was also discussions within the comments among a few of you. The discussion and sharing of experiences is helpful for all of us to learn and be encouraged in our WLM journey. If you have not read the comments in part 1 or contributed to the discussion, I encourage you to do so.

What I learned from your comments is that the craving for many of you is strong, occurring daily and even multiple times in a day. This is believable to me because it is no secret that men often fantasize or think about sex/woman multiple times a day. There were a few comments on how the desire to submit started at a very early age and that it is wired into your thinking. I have heard this before from men and my husband has also confessed that he had fantasies and desires of being dominated even before puberty. Many of you talked about feeling more balanced in your life and focused on your wife when you are under her control. It is a wonderful benefit of the WLM lifestyle.

A few of you noted that this craving is not something that you can repress. I believe you and I sense that it takes a lot of self-control to keep it from becoming obsessive. It is important for women to understand this. It is not healthy for men to repress these feelings and it is destructive for the relationship if the husband is struggling internally with these feelings and not able to open up to his wife about them.

On the flip side, submissive men need to manage this craving. If you can not manage it then it becomes destructive. Guys, sometimes you need to just live in the moment and appreciate what your wife is giving you. I often see a guy post a sob story about how his wife does not dominate him but then in subsequent posts or if you read historical posts you find out that he's locked in chastity and gets spanked and so on. He does not appreciate that his wife really is dominating him and that there are thousands of guys who dream of being in his situation. The issue is that the craving is so much that submissive guys always wants more and more and when that happens, you can never be happy. I am speaking in generalizations of course. I know not all of you think that way but I am sure that many of you can relate. Those of you who learn to control it, find happiness and fulfillment and those who can't will never be satisfied.

Guys, you also need to understand that most women do not crave domination in the same way that you crave submission. Some do and if you find a woman that does, then you've hit the submissive lottery. I am not one of those women. While I have embraced his submission and enjoy it, at times I find my husband's deep submissive desires to be annoying and trust me there are lots of things he wants me to do that I will not. Over the years he has learned to manage his craving and appreciate what he has instead of always wanting more. He has learned to change his expectations for the things he knows I will not do. It does not mean he does not fantasize about them or does not still have hope that one day things could change.  Even I have learned to never say "never". There are things I do today that I would never have imagined doing several years ago.  However, my husband has learned to not have high hopes about those things happening in the near future (at least I think he has :). By resetting your expectations, you can enjoy and savor the things that are happening now and find pleasure in them.

Of course I know the craving is not easy to control and as I wrote earlier, it is not good to completely repress it. The more the husband and wife can embrace it together at a healthy and sustainable level, the happier and more fulfilling the relationship will become. Even in a mature WLM, where dominance and submission has become a natural way of life, the craving for more still surfaces. Just like a traditional marriage, over time the spice in the relationship can fade away. In my last post I mentioned three things that I often do to keep that from happening: Fantasy Days, Boot Camp Training, and Power Trips.  I will write about those in my next post. Until then, please continue to share your thoughts and experiences on the topic.

-Mz Kaylee.