Ruined Orgasm Fun!

The ruined orgasm is a very useful tool for the dominant wife. If you are not familiar with a ruined orgasm, it is when all pleasure or pressure is removed from a guy's cock as soon as he starts to orgasm or just before his orgasm starts but after the point of no return.  The simplest example is when a wife strokes her husbands cock and stops stroking as soon as he starts to orgasm. The result is that he orgasms without any pressure around his cock and therefore after the initial burst of pleasure, all pleasure disappears even though he is cumming. He is basically robbed of having a full-blown orgasm.

So the bad part of the ruined orgasm (RO) is that he is robbed of his pleasure and that can be very frustrating for him. That's the only bad thing I can think of.  There are many 'Good' attributes of the RO for a submissive man. First, many men will remain erect after the RO or they will be able to become erect shortly after the RO. This allows the wife to continue to have fun with his cock. Second, most men will remain horny after the RO, thus avoiding "sub-drop" or drastically shortening the length of sub-drop. Sub-drop is the drained feeling that men get after an orgasm. It's like all their energy is sapped away and they become uninterested in sex, cuddling, or being with the wife. This drop occurs with most men, not just submissive men. However, in the FLR community it is referred to as sub-drop. For submissives, a real negative aspect of sub-drop is that they lose interest in being submissive to their partner and may become miserable or disobedient if she demands something of him. Sub-drop can last anywhere from a few hours to several days, depending on the person. When a man experiences a RO, usually there is either no drop or the drop period is very short. Therefore, he remains in a submissive and obedient mindset after RO.

Finally, another benefit of RO is that when it is purposely done by the wife, it is a direct form of control, and experiencing that control is exciting for submissives. As frustrating as the RO is for the guy, it also is exciting for him to be controlled like that. I recently gave my husband a RO after he had been denied orgasm for 9+ months. He had no idea it was coming  I was teasing his cock at the same time he was pleasuring me with his fingers. As my orgasm came closer, I stroked harder and when he begged for orgasm, I said "yes", which was a surprise for him because he always expects a "no". It took a second to register in his mind and then he got excited an pumped his cock hard into my hand. As soon as I knew his orgasm was starting I released his cock. My orgasm subsequently started. It was very humorous as he humped the air and moaned while he continued pleasuring me and bringing me to orgasm. When all was said and done, he sat across from me, still hard and a bit flustered.  "What happened," he asked. I giggled and said, "Did you like that?" He was still trying to make sense of it. Then he asked, "you did that on purpose?" When I said yes, I think his cock twitched and grew harder.  I think he was more horny afterward than before. lol!

ROs have also been used as punishments. If he has been disobedient, then his next orgasm will be a RO. On the flip side ROs can add spice and mystery to the WLM. There are many fun ways to incorporate it into your sex life. As described above, the surprise RO can be a lot of fun. However, a planned RO can be an exciting activity for both husband and wife. An example is the wife announces that she is going to allow a ruined orgasm. Then she strokes him until he starts to cum. As soon as he starts to cum she lets go of his cock. Of course it's even more fun if the wife does some teasing before the RO. There are many fun variations of this technique that can be experimented with:

• During the teasing, require him to ask for permission to cum each time he is about to cum. Give him a few 'no's before you finally say 'yes'. 
• Tease him ever so slowly holding him on edge as long as you can, until he finally can't control himself and he orgasms.  
• Give him a count down to cum. Try letting go when you get to 2 and see if he can still cum at 1. The most torturous RO is when the pleasure stops before the orgasm starts but after he is past the point of no return. It is quite fun to watch his cock twitch on its own and then see a dribble of cum spill out or a small spurt.

Using teasing with RO is good training for him as it conditions him to hold back his orgasm for you. It will help him build up his tolerance for riding the edge of orgasm. It is also a good way for the wife to learn how to anticipate his orgasm and discover different techniques to keep him on edge and drive him wild. Another fun approach is to have him masturbate and ruin his own orgasm. The wife can sit back and enjoy the show. The variations above can even be incorporated into his self-teasing. 

The last approach that I'll share, is one that I stumbled across by accident and is a real mind fuck for him. It requires cooperation from him and strong will power. I discovered it when we were having sex. My husband has gotten good at holding back his orgasm during sex so that I can orgasm without him having an orgasm (and this is a mind fuck for him in itself). However, sometimes it is difficult for him and I have to stop a few times to let him calm down. One time when he asked to stop, I was on the verge of orgasm and could not stop. I told him I didn't want him to cum and to not move and hold back as best he could. As always, I was on top and so I did not need him to move. He remained stiff as a board as my orgasm hit and I rode him hard. He was concentrating so hard but he could not hold back the orgasm. However, even when he started to ejaculate, he remained still and tried to suppress his orgasm. It was a powerful orgasm for me, but he missed all the pleasure because he was so focused on not cumming. It was a different type of RO because after his orgasm started, his cock was still engulfed by me. In fact I was having an orgasm at the same time so all the physical pleasures were present as he suppressed his orgasm. When I think about it, it was pretty amazing that he was able to remain still.

A few days afterward, my husband confessed to me that ever since he experienced the RO during sex, he had a very strong desire to have sex with me again. Not only was it a desire for sex, but it was a desire to thrust into me during sex. Well if you are a follower of my blog, you know that is problematic. First, it is rare that I even allow him the privilege of having his cock in me. Second, I am on top and in control whenever we have sex and he is not allowed to thrust into me, unless I order him to.in order to give me pleasure. Lastly, it is even more rare that he is allowed to orgasm during sex. Unfortunately for him the RO was his rare moment and it was not going to happen again anytime soon. I have to say it was really nice to be lusted after for several days :). I guess his mind and body knew it should have experienced orgasmic pleasure and it wanted a "re-do." Lol! It seemed that this type of RO had a stronger physical and mental effect on him than the RO where all pleasure was removed.

So there you have it ladies. If you want to really blow your guy's mind, have him promise to surpress his orgasm no matter what and then have fun trying to give him the best orgasm ever! As I said above, this will only work if he is committed to following your orders.

So tell me guys, would you rather be denied for a year or have a few ruined orgasms during the year?

-Mz Kaylee

The Final Version: 12 Days of a FLR Christmas

 On the 12th Day of Christmas My Mistress Gave to Me...

Twelve Golden Showers_

Eleven :Loads of Laundry.

Ten Lords for Cuckolding

Nine Ladies Trampling and Laughing 

Eight Maids a-Pegging

Seven Clothespins Pinching

Six Whips-a-Flaying_

Five Gold O Rings

Four calling Bells

Three French Cut Panties

Two Blue Balls

And a Paddle in a pair Tree!!!

Merry  Christmas!!  

Thanks all who participated.

-Mz Kaylee

Almost There! On the 10th Day of Christmas........

Fill in the blank:  

On the 10th Day of Christmas My Mistress Gave to Me....

Ten Lords ____________

Nine Ladies Trampling and Laughing 

Eight Maids a-Pegging

Seven Clothespins Pinching

Six Whips-a-Flaying_

Five Gold O Rings

Four calling Bells

Three French Cut Panties

Two Blue Balls

And a Paddle in a pair Tree!!!

I will pick a response to move on to the next round......

On the Ninth day of Christmas......

 Fill in the blank:  

On the 9th Day of Christmas My Mistress Gave to Me....

Nine Ladies __________

Eight Maids a-Pegging

Seven Clothespins Pinching

Six Whips-a-Flaying_

Five Gold O Rings

Four calling Bells

Three French Cut Panties

Two Blue Balls

And a Paddle in a pair Tree!!!

I will pick a response to move on to the next round......

On the Eight Day of Christmas My Mistress Gave to Me....

Fill in the blank:  

On the 8th Day of Christmas My Mistress Gave to Me....

Eight Maids _________

Seven Clothespins Pinching

Six Whips-a-Flaying_

Five Gold O Rings

Four calling Bells

Three French Cut Panties

Two Blue Balls

And a Paddle in a pair Tree!!!

I will pick a response to move on to the next round......

Submissive Birthday Fun

Birthdays in my house are something special. When it is my Birthday, I am treated like a Queen, pampered, showered with gifts, and not having to lift a finger.  It is my special day and I love it! On my submissive husband’s birthday, he gets a different type of treatment. Let’s just say that for me, it’s very similar to my Birthday.  I get pampered and treated like a Queen. What is different is that I do have to lift a finger. I lift a finger to order him to fetch me things and run errands for me. I lift a finger to give him one spank with my riding crop for every year of his life. He’s a few years past 50 so he was a little red afterward. Now don’t be concerned for him- they were playful spanks. I like to hold his cock while I spank him and he was practically cumming in my hand during the spanking. The bottom line is that on his birthday, the strict and demanding Mistress in me surfaces.

This year on his special day, I had him bathe me and shave my legs. Then I slipped into a latex mini-dress and black heels with studded straps around my ankles – one of his favorite outfits. Next, he was ordered to his knees to worship my shoes with his tongue. Soon after his tongue was worshipping my ass as a reminder of his place in our marriage. His next treat was an intense cock tease from me. I brought him to the edge of orgasm several times. Then I tied him to the bed and queened him until I came all over his face. So delicious!  Now you may think that the grand finale for him was an orgasm. Not so! I stopped giving him birthday orgasms several years ago, when he came up with this not so brilliant idea that he should be able to have sex with me on his birthday, without any control from me and no restrictions. In other words, have sex with me like a regular man. Ha! Was he crazy!  When he first suggested it to me, years ago a few weeks before his birthday, I kept my composure and told him I would think about it.  Then on his big day, I informed him that his request was denied!  I told him that he gave up that right the day he committed to a FLR and asked me to control him. I let him know that as a submissive husband he will never get to have unrestricted sex with me. I remember his cock getting harder the more I talked about this. I think he was dropping into subspace as he heard his fate laid out for him.

Back to his current night…after my orgasm, I left him tied to the bed to calm down, and then I went downstairs to relax.  About 30 minutes later, I untied him. Happy Birthday Husband!  The gifts on his birthday are quite fun too. I love the irony that the gifts I give him are things that make him mushy and weak for me and push him deeper under my control. This year it was a pair of silk and lace panties and a butt plug that is slightly larger than the current one he wears when doing errands for me. Out with the old and in with the new! On his birthday, I made him force the new plug into his ass and slip into his new silky panties. And yes, he was weak and all mushy for me in no time. Fun!

Hearing all this, one may think I am cruel and mean to my husband. I still laugh at how one year, many years ago, our young daughter saw me ordering my husband around and she said, “Mom, how come you are making Dad do all these things for you. It’s his birthday.”  My husband did not miss a beat, and said to her, “It’s okay. I enjoy doing these things for Mom. I like to make her happy.”  He was being totally honest.  For a submissive hubby, being subject to the control of the strict Mistress is a dream birthday. Years ago, I would ask my husband what he wanted for his birthday. His response was always the same – “You don’t need to buy me gifts. Just give me a night of intense domination.”  After a few years of hearing this, I finally stopped asking and just planned a fun day for him and me.

-Mz Kaylee

On the Seventh Day of Christmas My Mistress Gave to Me....

Fill in the blank: 

On the 7th day of Christmas my Mistress gave to me:

Seven _________

Six Whips-a-Flaying_

Five Gold O Rings

Four calling Bells

Three French Cut Panties

Two Blue Balls

And a Paddle in a pair Tree!!!

I will pick a response to move on to the next round......

On the Sixth Day of Christmas, My Mistress Gave to Me......

We are half way there! I am loving the responses, even many of the ones that did not move forward.  If your suggestion did not move forward, you can still suggest it on another day of Christmas.  

-Mz Kaylee

 Fill in the blank:  

On the 6th day of Christmas my Mistress gave to me:

Six _____________

Five Gold O Rings

Four calling Bells

Three French Cut Panties

Two Blue Balls

And a Paddle in a pair Tree!!!

I will pick a response to move on to the next round......

On the Fifth Day of Christmas, My Mistress Gave to Me...

Fill in the blank:  

On the 5th day of Christmas my Mistress gave to me:

Five Gold ________

Four calling Bells

Three French Cut Panties

Two Blue Balls

And a Paddle in a pair Tree!!!

On the Second Day of Christmas....

Fill in the blank: 

On the second day of Christmas my Mistress gave to me:

Two ____________

and a Paddle in a pear tree 

(I will choose a response to carry forward to the next day of Christmas)

On The First Day of Christmas....

 Fill in the blank:

On the first day of Christmas my Mistress gave to me a __________ in a pear tree.

(In a few days I will choose a response to carry forward to the next day of Christmas)

WLM in Good Times and Bad Times

Author Note: I wrote this post several months ago so the timing is off. I am happy to say that most of the challenges we were dealing with then, have been handled and we are emerging out of the stress and getting back to normalcy. I hope this post brings light to the realness of FLRs - that it is not all about sex and control. For those dealing with life challenges, I hope this post provides encouragement to work through those challenges and keep your eyes focused on the light at the end of the tunnel. I am writing this note now because together, my husband and I overcame the obstacles we experienced, and are getting back to a wonderful place. Keeping moving forward and stay positive!  -Mz Kaylee

Blogs, forums, and articles about WLM/FLR tend to focus only on the domination and sexual aspects of the relationship. This makes sense because that's what people want to read about and learn about. The downside to this narrow focus is that it can create a false picture of what a real WLM/FLR is like. A person could easily begin to think that a FLR leads to 24/7 and 365 days a year of intense domination and non-stop sexual fun. My current situation is a stark reminder that a FLR/WLM is not impervious to same external pressures that any other relationship deals with.

If it seems that I have not been very engaged in my blog lately, it's because I have a lot going on in my life now. The kids are home from college, which I am thrilled about, but it has disrupted many of the  fun, new routines that I have put in place for my husband. Not to mention, that having them home adds a new level of hecticness and craziness to the house! Then there is our parents. Both of our parents are at the age where they are needy and require more support. My husband's parents are the neediest, requiring extra care.  If you've had to care for an elder parent before, you know that not only does it consume more of your time, but it also creates added stress.

It really sucks when you've gotten into a good routine and things are humming along really good, and then something disrupts everything. It's been several weeks since my husband and I have had intimate time together so that means no orgasm for me. He's used to being denied orgasm, but there is a big difference between planned orgasm denial vs. no orgasm because you are too busy or stressed. It's certainly not enjoyable for him. So much of our routines have been put on hold. No weekly review sessions, no corner time, and no massages for me. It has all been necessary due to our current situation, which we have little control over.

This does not mean our WLM is not intact or is falling apart. It certainly is being tested, just like any relationship would be. However, he is still submissive to me and yields to my authority. He still wears pantie every day. Of course, that is the only underwear he owns now, so I guess he has no choice :).  He still has chores to do, but I have relaxed my expectations a bit and I have helped with some on days when I know he's stressed or consumed with activities related to his parents care. It's times like these when I have extra appreciation and respect for all the work that he does for me. It is a reminder to me of how lucky I am to have a submissive husband who is devoted to serving me and making me happy. I've been spoiled by having such an obedient husband and I've come to enjoy being pampered and pleasured whenever and however I want. It is a superior lifestyle!

The bottom line, is our relationship and love for each other rises above it all. I don't want him to be stressed. I want him to be happy. To help him get through this hard time, I have no issue taking back some of the work I imposed on him as part of his submissive duties. The crazy thing is that he would prefer things to be back to where they were a few months ago, when he was working hard for me and I was being strict with him and holding him to high standards. It's just not a realistic scenario right now.  I can tell that he is disappointed when I do things that are his duties. He will apologize to me when tasks are not done timely. During the day he will often come up to me and hug me and tell me he loves me and misses my body. Likewise, I will do the same to him and let him know that I will help him anyway I can. It may seem strange, but my control and strictness is a stress reliever for him and brings a sense of normalcy to his day. This is why I still expect him to do chores, make my coffees, and order him to refill my water when I am sitting watching TV. I have just relaxed my standards a bit and am helping as needed.

Our FLR dynamic is a natural part of our life now, so even with all the barriers and challenges we are facing, our FLR dynamic remains intact. It's just that many of the activities that enhance the experience and make it fun and exciting, are put on hold. We have our eyes set on the future, knowing that this is a temporary situation and we are taking steps to address the issues we are facing, with the goal of getting back to our normal routines. This is just a blip on roadmap of life. 

I share this post to let others know that even a mature FLR is not all fun and games and has it's challenges. It's important to be flexible with your arrangement and adjust rules, activities, and expectations as life throws your curve balls.  It is also important to work together to overcome those curve balls and stay focused on bringing things back to your ideal state.

-Mz Kaylee

 

FLR in the Workplace (Guest Post by Debbie)

I received an e-mail recently from Debbie, with some thoughts on bringing FLR to the workplace. It is a very intriguing idea. Many companies have programs to help advance women and minorities and training programs on effective leadership styles, so why not have programs to advance dominant female leaders and training on how to lead and follow under the FLR framework? In the corporate environment, this concept as a whole would obviously not fly, but perhaps there are some concepts and learnings from FLR that can be applied to the workplace. There certainly is opportunity for a small business to be set-up with the FLR framework. Wouldn't that be exciting?  Debbie and I thought this would make for a thought provoking post and so I have published her thoughts below. What I like about her suggestions, is that they are realistic and practical. She even offers good advice for women that can be applied now. Thank you Debbie for brining these ideas forward!  Please read and share your thoughts and ideas.

FLR In the Workplace by Debbie

Female-led relationships have been the focus of many of our postings. These many postings have helped women seize financial control and establish rules and protocols and firmly define day-to-day female leadership.

Where to now? Might I suggest that women take the framework we established in our personal relationships and put them to work in our places of business. Let's look to putting together suggestions for Female-led Businesses FLB. It's time we strike out at the patriarchy itself and make female executives the norm NOT the exception. Following are some suggestions to get our discussion going:

• Companies are looking for women to promote throughout their organizations. Most have plans in place to identify, develop, and promote capable women. I availed myself to just such a program and have been promoted four times in two years. I was promoted over four men all of whom now work for me. I an an executive manager and with a corner office and people to delegate my work to.
• If a woman has ideas as to how to reduce a business or how to reduce costs, she should bring her ideas to the attention of management. Preferably a female manager one or two grades above the level of her proposed changes.
• Dress appropriately! As a general rule a woman should 'Dress for the job she wants, NOT the one she has'. Too many very capable women come to job interviews looking like clerk types - they are offered a clerk type position.
• Develop a network of contacts within you new company. Get to know these essential women and make sure they get to know you!
• Be tough and aggressive. Executive management is not a walk in the park.

And don't worry about your house. You've trained hubby to take care of the domestic front so let him take care of things like that.

Debbie

Thoughts and Etiquette on Commenting

I've been enjoying the discussions going on in the comments of the last few posts. It is great to see new people chiming in and it is fantastic to hear different view points and also to read about real experiences that reinforce the messaging in the post. I appreciate that most people are commenting in a respectful manner. There are a variety of approaches that can be used in a WLM and not every approach works for every one. The cuckolding post is a clear example where people have different opinions. It's ok to have different opinions and it is ok to disagree. I encourage those who disagree to continue the discussion to get a better understanding of the other person's viewpoint. We all learn from those types of discussions and perhaps pick up something new to try or become more open-minded and knowledgeable from the discussion.  Sometimes the discussions lead to a mutual understanding or that everyone was thinking the same thing but just did not express it properly in writing. Other times, you might have to agree to disagree because you really do have two different view points. There is no benefit to you going out of your way to try a prove someone wrong. When this type of agreement occurs, it it fine to acknowledge the disagreement and move on.

A few guidelines for commenting etiquette.

• Do not personally attack someone else because of their opinion or idea. This is a sure fire way to have your comment deleted by me.
• If you disagree with a comment, provide the reason why you disagree or what might be the better approach. 
• Please do not give a very strong opinion on a topic that you have zero experience with. There have been quite a few people in the past who have commented with strong opinions on WLM, but whom have never been married. I'm sorry to say, but if you have no experience on a topic your opinion has zero weight with me. Those who have experience on the topic can immediately see the flaws in such an opinion, so don't be that person that gives opinions on something you have no experience with. I am not saying that you can not comment, but your comments should be about trying to understand the topic, or asking questions, and getting clarifications.
• If you comment as Anonymous please provide some context about yourself:
• We want to know if you are a male, female, sissy, etc.  Make up a name that clearly identifies your gender. This also helps us to connect your comments together when you make multiple comments. If there are three anonymous comments, I don't know if it is three different people or all the same person. 
• Let us know if you are submissive or dominant and if you are in a relationship. Provide any relevant information about your situation that relates to your comment. It's hard to answer a question or respond to a comment when there is no context about why you are asking the question or making the comment. For example, a submissive male who disagrees with spanking is very different than a non-submissive male who disagrees with spanking.

I share all this information to encourage productive comments and discussions on this blog and to try to eliminate the bad habits. It's is a wonderful thing when the comments on a post become more enlightening than the post itself and I love that it happens many times on this blog. I have learned quite a bit from your comments and have picked up a few great idea from the comments. In my early years of WLM, I appreciated the people who shared their real life experiences and advice because it helped me distinguish between what was fantasy versus what was reality and practical, and it also reassured me that I was not alone in my challenges and concerns. Please continue to share your experiences and advice so that others may learn.

To sum it all up, it is most productive for everyone if comments are used to ask questions, gain understanding on the topic, share advice and experiences, and express educated opinions about the topic. Instead of looking for the negative, look for the positive and how you can advance the discussion.

-Mz Kaylee

Turning My Husband Into a Cuckold (Guest post by Debbie)

My husband, David, and I are in a long established Female-led relationship. Even before we were married I wore the pants. David did the all the chores and handled the bill paying routine. He also helped my mother with chores, chauffeuring, what ever she needed. It's a lot of work and he frequently fell behind. Add to that, David earned relatively little compared to my earnings. Mom and I talked it over and decided David was quitting his job to be a full-time housekeeper. . We didn't need his pittance of a salary. David jumped into his new situation - what else could a submissive guy want?

Sounds good, doesn't it? Well it's not. David may please me as a housekeeper but he's a real loser in the bed room. When it comes to sex David doesn't make me happy and I told him that. He's a beta guy. Blue pills, therapy, and laser treatments don't make a difference. Vibrators and even a sex machine are nice but women want a real man in bed. David wasn't a real man. He wasn't pleasing me AND isn't pleasing the wife what an FLR is all about? I was going to start dating other men and David was just going to have to live with it! A guy in work, Rob, a real stud, had been giving me lots of attention. “I think he wants to fuck me and I can't see why not.” At first David was taken back. I assured him that he was fantastic housekeeper and that my seeing other men wasn't going to change that part of our relationship. What would change was that he was now my cuckold, defined as the husband of a woman who had sex with men outside her marriage. The woman in such a relationship is a Cuckoldress or a Cuck-Queen. There are many variations on the term and the practice of cuckolding - just query the term and see - but for purposes of our relationship the definitions, above, are it. Historically a cuckoldry was looked upon with scorn but no more - many of my girlfriends cuckold their husbands/boyfriends. The modern empowered woman has choices in the bedroom and will do as she pleases. David was to have nothing to do with my dating - Nothing! My dating is strictly my business. He agreed. I felt a surge of power - this was real control. I called Rob to set up our first date.

I sent David off to Mom's to do housework. I wanted mom to gauge David's acceptance of being a cuckold. I didn't want to lose my housekeeper but I wasn't going to stop seeing other men, either.

David has a great relationship with my mother, regarding her as a Goddess. She brought up the topic of cuckolding, asking how he felt about his wife dating other guys. Not surprisingly, he had no objections, and only wanted me to be happy. Mom told him that cuckolding wasn't all that unusual. Many men have wives who slept with other men and that their marriages were stronger as a result. Her late husband was a cuckold and her son-in-law is, too. And there others, many others. Empowered women in the workforce and in society in general were likely to have men on the side. David came to see that my being attractive to other men as a compliment.

So Rob and I set up a date - he was to pick me up at our home the following Friday. I took off that day to get my hair, makeup, and nails done. Mom picked up David and took him home to do chores - I didn't want him involved with Rob. After Mom and David left I went into my bedroom to finish dressing. On my bed as a beautifully wrapped box. I unwrapped it to find a black club dress and lace top nylons with a note “have a great evening - David”

-Debbie

How Did FLR/WLM Start For You?

It is interesting to hear how couples got started with FLR/WLM. I hear more stories about guys bringing the concept to the woman than the woman seducing the guy into submission. In my situation, it was my husband who asked me to dominate him. He had started to be really nice to me and asking me if I wanted massages, which of course I said yes. One night he asked if he could bathe me. It was odd for him to ask me that, but I loved the idea and let him bathe me. This went on for a week or two and I knew something was going on in his mind so it did not completely surprise me when he wanted to talk one night.  He confessed his desire to be dominated and to have me control his orgasms. He told me the benefit to me was that I could have endless massages and baths from him and that I could even order him to do chores. It all sounded strange to me, especially controlling his orgasms. We actually had a laugh over it as I joked that I might not let him orgasm for a long time.  I could tell he put a lot of thought into his confession and the he was uncomfortable admitting it to me. As strange as it sounded to me, I was glad that he had the courage to talk to me about it and I agreed to give it a try. The rest is history.

Trina recently shared with me how she got started with FLR. It was her e-mail that inspired this post as she was wondering how others got started. Trina's starting point is described below. Please share how your first discussion of FLR went with your spouse or partner. Who introduced the topic? What did each of you say and what was the spouse or partners response? How long did it take for you or the other person to work up the courage to bring it up?

Trina's Start to FLR:

For us, I was spanking Tony weekly because it turned him on and we both were spankos. However, I knew that I wanted the corporal punishment to improve his behavior and give me more authority. The very first issue, I believe, was socks on the floor. My best recollection is that I was spanking him bare bottom over my knee and I said, "I want you to start putting your socks in the laundry when you take them off. It is really irritating to find your socks lying around." He did not respond so I started spanking harder with the hairbrush.

 "Did you hear  me??!!" I asked. 

"Yes!" he cried out. 

"Well??!!" I said, continuing to spank hard. "Are you going to change your behavior?" (a line I have used ever since) 

"Yes!" 

"Yes what?" 

"Yes, I will pick my socks up!!" 

"Promise?"

 "Yes!" 

"Yes, what?" 

"I don't know what!" 

"Yes, Ma'am," I said. "

"Say it!" I kept spanking until he said it. 

"Yes, Ma'am!"

He did not know this was the beginning of our WLM, but I did. I knew I could change his behavior. And I was turned on immensely.

-Trina

Mz Kaylee's Top 5 WLM Control Techniques

Below are what I consider my top 5 most effective techniques for leading my WLM and controlling my husband. They raise to the top of my list  because of how impactful they have been to both my husband and I and because of the longevity of my use of them. All of these techniques are still being used by me. For each item, I have included a link to a post where I have written about the technique.Enjoy!

 #5 Corner Time:

https://femdomthinktank.blogspot.com/2019/06/corner-time.html

 I did not incorporate corner time until later in my WLM and I wish I did it sooner. It's effective for both disciplining Thomas and for keeping him focused on serving me. It's also very easy for me to administer, which is an added bonus. A weekly corner time ritual where Thomas kneels quietly in the corner, helps Thomas meditate and refocus on serving me for the upcoming week. Since I incorporated corner time, he has had less incidents of straying from his chores and his proper submissive attitude. It helps him feel controlled even during the weeks when I am busy and have less time to give him attention.

#4 Panties: 

https://femdomthinktank.blogspot.com/2019/05/the-magic-of-panties.html

I recognize this is not for everyone, but for our WLM panties have had a tremendous impact on Thomas, making it to #4 on the list. It was early in our WLM when Thomas confessed he desire to be "forced" to wear panties. I thought it was strange and to be honest, was not thrilled about it. However, every so often I would order him into panties for fun and to appease his desire. It felt weird at first but I was shocked at how aroused and submissive he became when slipping on panties. He was very docile and willing to do whatever I wanted. Once I realized the power I had over him when he was in panties, I began to order him into them more often. I used them as a post-punishment tool to push him into submission and stay focused on serving me. Then I began to order him to wear them on certain days each week and eventually I had him toss all his boy underwear and go to panties 24/7.  Later I purchased several pairs of sissy panties, which have an even bigger impact on his psyche. Over the years panties have softened the manly ego in my husband and have served as a constant reminder of his submission to me. I love that he still gets very aroused when I watch him slip on a pair, when I tease him about being girly, or when I take him shopping for a new pair. It is cute to see him struggle to not get aroused in the store.

#3 Boot Camp: 

https://femdomthinktank.blogspot.com/2019/10/submissive-craving-boot-camp.html

My fellow Female Goddesses. if you have not read my posts on Boot Camp, then I highly recommend you find them and read them. I did not know what to expect when I planned my first Boot Camp for Thomas a few years ago. It turned out to be a great training tool for Thomas and also a "domination booster" for me. Boot Camp incorporated a lot of fun fantasy domination that was more intense than what I typically do. For Thomas it checked several boxes of the male submissive fantasy and so it was a dream come true for him. For me, it allowed me to step out of my comfort zone and experiment with domination. By the end of the week I was much more comfortable in my domination and more confident. It opened my eyes to a new realm of possibilities in the WLM.  For example, during Boot Camp, when we were inside, Thomas was only allowed to wear a collar and cuffs and a cock ring. He spent most of the week in this outfit. We could not do this at home because of the kids. Turns out, I really liked having him this way serving me.  At the time, it was only a few months until my youngest was going to head off to college. I made a decision then, that once the youngest was out of the house, Thomas would be wearing only collar and cuffs around the house on certain nights. When the time came, I think Thomas was shocked when I laid down the new rules. I am enjoying seeing his scurrying around naked in the house. Since that first Boot Camp, I have conducted a few mini weekend Boot Camps with Thomas and each one has been fun for both of us and has dialed up the fem/dom dynamic on a permanent basis.

#2 Weekly Reviews: 

https://femdomthinktank.blogspot.com/2014/08/discipline-vs-punishment.html

This is a great technique on many levels, which is why it sits at #2 on my list. My weekly review sessions are great for discipline, motivation, punishment, and keeping the lines of communication open. Thomas leaves the sessions feeling submissive and focused on obeying me. The weekly cadence of reviews ensures our WLM stays in tact and that my dominance is fresh in his mind. It took me awhile to get into a regular routine of reviews. Prior to me initiating review sessions, I could go weeks before exerting control over Thomas. This would leave him frustrated and would eventually lead to him slacking off on his responsibilities. Our WLM would then go off the rails until one of us spoke out. Once I forced myself to do the weekly reviews, even if only for a few minutes, I noticed more consistent obedience and submission from Thomas. He actually looks forward to the sessions. It was a game changer for our WLM because it added consistency to my dominance over Thomas.

And the #1 Techniques is.......   Orgasm Control

https://femdomthinktank.blogspot.com/2016/06/tapping-into-his-submissive-mind-orgasm.html

From day 1 of taking control of Thomas, I took control of his orgasms. The mental impact of orgasm control and denial on men is profound. Orgasm Control gave me power over Thomas and kept him focused on obeying and pleasing me. Through regulation of his orgasms, I can keep him in a perpetually aroused sate-of-mind, which keeps his mind pliable and obedient for me. He knows he must be in good standing with me in order to have any chance for an orgasm or even to have me touch his cock. This authority forces him to do every thing possible to please me in order for him to receive pleasure. Men think about sex all day, every day because of that thing between their legs. When a woman takes control of his cock it forces his mind to focus on her because she now controls the very thing that he is focused on most of the day. She become the focal point of his thoughts and that is a very deep and profound change for him that brings reality to her dominance over him. Orgasm Control is a "must" in a FLR/WLM.

What is in your top 5?

-Mz Kaylee

Handling the Finances and Assets in a WLM

A topic that often comes up in Wife Led Marriage (WLM) discussions is how the finances should be handled. Whether you are in a WLM or not, you (the Female) should be involved with the finances to ensure money is not being carelessly spent. In a WLM, the wife should not just be involved with the money, she should have control over the finances and restrict her husband's access to funds. Controlling the finances gives her real power over him and also keeps him from spending carelessly. Additionally, by restricting his spending, it forces him to choose wisely on how to spend his limited funds, which can help keep him out of trouble.  For example, a late night at the bar with friends is expensive and so he is incentivized to either skip the night out with the boys or leave early (boys tend to get into trouble later in the night when the booze is flowing). Most of what he does requires him to spend money and so another benefit of controlling his money is that you have direct control and influence on what he does. 

The most extreme step of financial control is to cutoff the husband completely from all money matters, bank accounts, and assets. As crazy as it sounds, many submissive guys would love this because without money and assets they are powerless and become dependent on the wife. This powerless and helplessness is a huge erotic rush for submissive men. However, for the mast majority of us, this is not a practical approach. I actually think it is a bit of a "cop out" for the submissive. There is stress and work associated with managing the finances. Why should he be freed from that and leave it all up to the Female? Shouldn't a good submissive take on all the grunt work of paying bills? I also believe it is a risky financial approach because in the event anything happens to you (the wife), he will not have immediate access to money in order to take care of you or himself. In the unfortunate event of death, he will be faced with challenges and complications to gain access to cash and assets, which not a good situation for a grieving spouse. I am amazed that there are some women who advocate for this approach. Perhaps they are not thinking about the long-term consequences. As the leader of the WLM it is your duty to lead in a way that is in the best interest of the marriage and therefore, in my opinion, a high risk approach like this should be eliminated, unless you consult with a lawyer and put in place a plan to address what happens in the unfortunate even of death or a severe illness. Having said all of that, I have corresponded with someone who has taken this extreme approach and she has done it in a carefully thought out way. I believe this to be the exception but it is a viable option. For confidentiality purpose I have not named her but if she is reading this, I hope that she comments and shares her thoughts. 

The good news is that the extreme approach is not necessary for the wife to gain control over the finances. There are many strategies that can be employed to restrict his access to funds. The degree to which the Female wields control will depend on her savviness with handling the money versus her husbands savviness and trustworthiness with money matters.  Let's face it, not everyone is good with money and that includes both Females and males. In my marriage, my husband is better with money management than I am and so I rightfully leverage his expertise and make him do all the grunt work associated with finances. However, I still retain control over the money.  More on that later in the post.

First, let's start with a few basics of how you can exert control, regardless of whether or not you are a good money manager. The simplest starting point is to put him on a weekly spending allowance and require him to come to you if he needs more money. At the most basic level, he still has access to accounts and credit cards and you are relying on his obedience to comply. You can enforce the allowance policy by reviewing statements, questioning unauthorized charges and withdrawals, and punishing as warranted. With this simple approach, you have essentially taken control of the money without putting all the work and responsibility on yourself. For example, if your husband is out and you want him to buy something or he has a need to buy something beyond his approved funds, you can authorize the purchase and he can easily access the funds. He will feel controlled because he will have to spend within his allowance and he will have to seek approval to exceed his allowance. Requests to go above the allowance should be met with disappointment and consequences.

A next step would be to have him close any bank accounts that are solely in his name. I recommend having one joint account and one account in your name only. I do not advise to eliminate the joint account due to the risks noted earlier in this post. Another step to take is to eliminate or limit the use of credit cards or debit cards. I recommend that you allow him to carry at least 1 credit card for emergency use. Review the monthly statement each month so that you can monitor whether it has been used or not. Many credits cards have alerts that can be set-up to text you anytime the card is used or if a certain dollar amount is charged to the card.

How you fund the bank accounts and how he is allowed to use the credit card will depend on how tightly you want to control money. The tighter the control, the less access he has but the more work it creates for you. If you are a person that enjoys dealing with money matters and bills, then having tighter control is probably a good strategy for you. In this case, he is left with a credit card for emergency use only and your sole account should have the majority of funds going directly into it. If possible have his paycheck direct deposited to your account. If his company does not allow it, then have it deposited to the joint account and set-up automatic transfers to go from the joint account to your sole account. The joint account should be left with enough funds that he can access in the event of an emergency or to access if you need him to purchase something. If you are exerting tight control, you may even want to restrict his access to ATM cards and not provide him with passwords for online access. However, I recommend you have a plan in place for him to be able access the funds in the event of an emergency. For example, you could place the ATM card in a sealed envelop to be opened only in an emergency.

How I Handle the Finances

I take a looser approach with financial control because my husband is better with the finances and I have no interest in paying the bills. I enjoy that he handles the work and stress associated with bill paying. Therefore, our paychecks go into a joint account so that he has funds to pay the bills. However, a portion of his paycheck is direct deposited into my account and a portion goes directly into a savings/investment account that is to be untouched until I decide otherwise. I could have easily had money go from my paycheck into my account instead of taking it out of his. However, as a sign of my control over him, I want it to come from his paycheck. I enjoyed having him submit a form to his payroll to direct money from his check into my account. He has no insight into my account and how I use the money. He has a weekly cash allowance for expenditures for himself. He must request approval if he needs more funds. He rarely needs to request additional funds as he has learned to live within his budget. 

He also has use of credit cards to make purchases. This is necessary because he does the food shopping, puts gas in the cars, and handles all the purchases needed for general household and yard maintenance. I have no desire to be involved in such purchases. However, large purchases ($100 or more) for any reason require my approval. I receive alerts on my phone from the credit card company when purchases exceed $100.  I will also review credit card statements regularly and will punish him if I come across charges that I feel are unwarranted or that he should have gotten approval for. Fortunately he has good judgement and it is not often that punishment is needed. Although there are rarely issues, I still take the time to review the statements and I will purposely question a few charges so the he knows I am watching. I want him to feel that control and this ensures that he does not start to spend without permission.

Since he does have access to funds and credit cards, there is opportunity for him to cheat the system and sneak in a few purchases outside his allowance. As noted above, I review credit card and bank statements regularly to prevent this. In addition I will periodically conduct audits. These are always surprise audits and I like to make a big deal out of it.  I will usually have him put on either his sissy panties or slave outfit (collar and cuffs) and kneel next to me while I sit at the computer and do a review of all accounts. He maintains an online check book and categorizes all purchases. Therefor it is easy for me to run reports and review how our money is spent. I will question him about anything unusual and I will also use the time to review how money is being spent, what is being saved, and whether or not we need to change anything, including his allowance. He is good with finances so I will seek his input and recommendations but I always have final say. The audits have never revealed anything concerning with his spending and I would not expect it since I already regularly review statements and capture issues at that time. However, they serve the purpose of demonstrating my control over the  money and over him while also letting him know that there is no room for him to spend outside his allowance without my permission. If he does, he will be caught and there will be consequences for him.

After the audit, I will tease his cock a bit as reward for his obedience. I may even give him a one time bonus to add to his allowance for the week. It is quite powerful to count out cash for him while he is kneeling before me, almost naked and with an erection.

Assets

Removing his name from assets, such as the house, cars, and investments, is another way for the wife gain power over her husband and push him deeper into submission. This is a do-able approach but again, there are bigger considerations that must be weighed, such as estate planning, tax consequences and management of the assets. What is best for you will depend on how many assets you have and your net worth. There can be tax advantages to not having assets jointly owned. The biggest concern that I am aware of, with removing him from ownership of your house or other assets is that if you pass away, he will have to go through a probate process to get ownership of the house and assets, which takes time and costs money. Since he is your spouse, it is likely that he will eventually be awarded the assets but there may be a risk that he may not. Having a valid will in place which dictates how assets are to be distributed should solve for this. I am certainly not an expert on estate planning so you should consult an attorney to determine what is a feasible approach for your situation.

Another consideration is management of the assets. If the assets are in your name, then only you can handle the transactions and issues associated with the assets. This means more work for you and less work for your husband. You may be able to add your husband as an authorized user on your account, but then of course that diminishes the control of having the assets in your name.

In our marriage I am focused on what is best financially for us and what is best for the long-term well being of each of us and so there are assets in my name, assets in his name, and assets jointly owned. There is no doubt that he is submissive to me and that I control him. I do not feel the need to take sole ownership of assets to have that control. In the end, since he is my spouse, he inherently has a stake in those assets, even if he is not listed as a joint owner and so it appears to me that the control aspect here is somewhat of a myth. However, I can understand how a wife would want to take this step to exert her control and create a sense ownership of her husband. For me, it's just not the approach I want to do. I have many other ways of exerting control :). 

Financial Planning

We meet regularly with a Female financial planner, which I highly recommend you do. At first my husband did most of the talking during our meetings because that is his area of expertise. However, after a few meetings, once I got a comfort level with what was being discussed, I began to ask more questions and take charge of the meeting. My husband is a wise slave and quieted down quickly the first time I started inserting myself into the conversation. I distinctly remember a surprised look on his face when I started dominating the discussion, and I enjoyed taking that control from him. He even commented to me a few days later that he felt control slipping away from him after that meeting and it made him feel even more submissive to me. Now, I am the one that corresponds with the financial planner and schedules appointments with her (or I order my husband to schedule the appointment). I still include him in the meetings because his financial savviness is valuable to me, but he gives his advice and then I discuss with the planner and make the final decisions.

Final Thoughts

Hopefully this gives you some ideas on how to take control of the finance in your WLM. Limiting his access or use of money is a definite and effective method of control. The amount of control you exert in financial matters depends on what you want to accomplish as well as how involved you want to be with the administrative work and handling issues. Tighter control will lead to more work for you and can be burdensome and stressful. No control or too loose control gives the submissive too much freedom and can lead to excessive and inappropriate spending. You need to find the right balance that works for you. 

-Mz Kaylee

  

If you are Woman who is good with money, then you probably already have a heavy hand in the finances and so taking full control over the money is probably an easy step. 

Controlling His Social Life

I want to thank Joan for bringing up the topic of 'the husband's time with friends,' in the comments in my March 28th post. For reference, here are the comments she made:

"I'm a little less strict about allowing him some time to be with his friends (they love the outdoors) because he does so much work. I'm flexible with certain expectations, but I'm won't tolerate things not getting done, if that makes sense". 

"With job stress and Mistress Joan to answer to, he needs a break and earns the downtime I permit. With that said, he knows to conduct himself properly and avoid any and all problems, especially when the men are out in the forest camping and having a few beers. I think his friends are fairly sure of who exactly wears the pants in our marriage. They are very well behaved and gentlemen in my home.."  

-Joan

When it comes to WLM, the question is not whether the wife should have control over her husband's social life (It's an obvious yes!) but rather how much control should she exert. Like many other things, there is no one right answer. It depends on the current dynamics of the relationship. In this post I'll share how I handle it in my own marriage and will present some considerations to help female leaders with this aspect of WLM.

Let me start by saying that it is surprising to me how many couples I come across that do not socialize together frequently. I am talking about everyday couples in traditional marriages. I know of couples where the husband does his things and the wife does her things and they rarely socialize together or socialize among their mix of friends. That is a problem and a sign of a troubled marriage in my opinion. You are supposed to marry your soul mate and best friend so why would you not want to spend a good portion of your social time with your spouse? Without time together, a couple grows apart and loses intimacy and that special connection they found when they first met. 

Prior to WLM, Thomas and I did most things as a couple. We each also had our own subset of friends that we did things with on our own. I always felt that we had a good balance between those two types of socialization. However, one of the unexpected benefits that we experienced with WLM is that we spend more quality time together and are much more open in our communication with each other. Instead of sitting on the couch watching TV, he is often giving me massages, serving as my footstool, or doing other things to serve and pamper me. Our intimacy is much deeper then it ever was prior to WLM. When were together there is a playfulness and connection between us, versus us just sitting in the room together doing our own thing. The connection is hard to describe but it is definitely something that developed as a result of my control over him and his submission to me.

Because we've always had a good balance with how we spend time with friends, when we transitioned to WLM there was not a need for me to significantly alter his social life. However, I exerted control over it because that is my right and duty as his Goddess wife. What changed with WLM is that he is required to ask for my permission anytime he wants to do things with his friends. He plays sports and has weekly games and he must ask permission every week to participate. He knows that if he does not keep up with his chores or that I am not pleased with him for any reason that I will probably not grant him permission. Usually it is not a surprise to him when I say no. There have been a few instances over the years where I have punished him by forbidding him to participate in sports for several weeks. That has been a very effective punishment. He becomes highly motivated to please me in any way I want in order to get his privilege back. 

He also knows and accepts that my priorities and his chores and responsibilities take priority over his time with friends. He will often turn down activities with his friends because he knows it would interfere with his obligations to me. His self-discipline in this area is a direct result of the WLM lifestyle and I believe is one of the distinguishing difference from a traditional marriage. As I noted previously, we had a good balance prior to WLM, but post-WLM, his obligation to please me always takes priority over his social life. The balance is still good but better swayed in my favor :) and he is happy with that. There are times where he will ask for special permission to participate in an activity that will delay his ability to do chores or tasks. If he is in good standing with me I will usually grant an exception but he knows to make these requests sparingly.

Thomas also asks for my approval when planning activities for us to do together with our mutual friends. Over time our closest friends have picked up on this and so now they usually just coordinate with me instead of him. I find it humorous that even one of his closest male friends will text me when making plans for his wife and I to go out with us. In recent years, it's gotten to the point where I just tell Thomas what we are doing and he accepts it without question. I get a laugh when his friend talks to him about the plans for the night and Thomas has no idea that we made plans. On the other hand, when it comes to planning an activity for just the two of us or vacations, I enjoy having Thomas plan it. He is great at finding fun things to do and finding good deals on hotels and airfare. I allow him to come up with activities to do but before he books anything, he needs to run it by me for approval.

Similar to Joan, I do not put many restrictions on what my husband can do with friends. He has a few weekends where he goes away with the guys for camping, fishing, or football. It is healthy for him to have this social life and I enjoy the time to myself as well. 

The flexibility that I allow may not be best for all relationships. I can be flexible because my husband has good judgement in what he chooses to do and he has a good group of friends. However, as many of you know or may be experiencing, there are a lot of guys that are not so good with their judgement. Sometimes a wife may need to exert stricter control over his social life because he is spending too much time out with friends. This can be done by simply forbidding activities or a more subtle way is to schedule days and times where he is expected to be home. Another approach is to pre-plan activities for the two of you so that he does not have the opportunity to accept invitations from friends.

 I also think there are times where wife may need to forbid her husband from being with certain individuals or work toward him transitioning away from the friendship. I've always preached to my kids to choose their friends wisely, because the people you hang with are the ones who shape who you are. The same is true for adults. If you are spending time with individuals who have bad habits or get into trouble often, then it is likely that some of that is going to rub off on you. If the husband has bad friends, then the wife needs to redirect him away from those friends. It is not an easy or comfortable thing to do, but it is better in the long run. The nice thing with WLM, is that the wife has the proper authority and influence to make it happen.

I do not agree with the idea of eliminating his social life all together. To forbid him from having any friends is not healthy. For long-term mental health it is important to have friends and an active social life. In the WLM, his social life should be encouraged and supported but with approval and influence by the wife. Depending on your situation, stricter control may be needed but the end goal is that overtime the husband is trained and conditioned to put time with his wife and her needs in desires as a higher priority than his social life.

Please share your thoughts and experiences on this topic.

-Mz Kaylee

  

Female Perspective

 I am enjoying the increased participation from the Female readers of this blog. It is nice for me to hear what other females are experiencing in their WLMs, how they feel about different topics, and to know that I am not alone in what I am experiencing or thinking. I've already picked up a few good ideas from the comments over the last few weeks.  

Thank you for those who have participated through comments or guest posts!! I hope more females will comment and share their experiences or ask questions/ask for advice. This is a great forum to learn and understand the WLM and femdom lifestyles.

-Mz Kaylee