Ahhhh.....Google decided to lock me out for a few days again for no apparent reason. So frustrating!. I am back again so let's get back on track with this!
Fill in the blank:
On the 4thth day of Christmas my Mistress gave to me:
Four calling ________
Three French Cut Panties
Two Blue Balls
And a Paddle in a pair Tree!!!
I recently stumbled across an article that highlighted 6 benefits of a Female Led Relationship (FLR), which I thought had great insights. The article was a bit of a sales pitch for Women to try FLR and I think it is a great sales pitch. Below I've pulled out a few quotes from the article that I felt were noteworthy. If you are a female that is new to FLR or are thinking about giving it a try, I recommend reading the full article written by JezebelbyNight:
https://jezebelbynight.com/female-led-relationship/
A side note before we begin. In her writings, she uses the term Dominatrix, which most people relate to a leather clad, whip yielding woman who dominates many guys. Do not be intimidated by that reference. I personally would not characterize a woman in a FLR as a Dominatrix because of that extreme connotation associated with the label. To me, FLR is about loving female control, which is much broader than femdom kink. Keep this context in mind as you read her article. On to the post:
Jezebel commenting on Women trying FLR:
"This can lead to you growing and changing in other areas of your life, as you find yourself more able to be assertive in situations that may demand it, or more seductive and able to get what you want where you may previously have shrunk into the background. You will be able to command the respect that you may not always receive in life, and this is perhaps one of the greatest reasons there is to become a Dominatrix and begin a Female-Led Relationship."
This has been true for me. I was not a dominant or assertive person prior to FLR. My confidence and comfort with myself have grown tremendously since I embarked on a FLR. Now I am more assertive in everyday life, especially with guys. In the bedroom I am much more adventurous and in charge. When I look back, I find it funny that I was self-conscious walking around naked in front of my husband. Now I feel empowered being naked in front of him. There is no doubt now that I am dominant and very much in charge of my husband.
"Opening yourself to the world of Femdom means that you have so many things to learn and experiment with, and your journey towards total Dominance will be peppered with lots of fun and exciting discoveries along the way."
Absolutely true! It is a journey and there is a lot to learn. The one thing I would add is the journey is filled with both fun (ups) and frustration (downs) but as you progress on your journey the ups become much bigger and longer than the downs.
"Even if you don’t end up being a total Domme, you’re bound to find something that you didn’t know you loved, just by opening your mind to the possibility."
I love this statement! You have a lot to gain and nothing to lose by giving FLR a try. You can even start with baby steps by taking control of your husband for just one weekend a month and then as your comfort grows, add rules for him that extend beyond the weekend or increase your dominance time to a full week or more than 1 weekend a month.
The next excerpt from Jezebel's article is about communication and the bond that is formed between the couple as a result of FLR. This deep bond is a tremendous benefit that I never anticipated when I started my FLR journey. FLR forced us to be more open, vulnerable and communicative with each other and it did it in a fun way. This created moments of fulfilling intimacy that led to a deep connection and trust between us. After 20+ years of marriage, my husband tells me often that he is so in love with me and that he feels like we are still in the honeymoon phase of our marriage. I feel the same way. We are connected together on a deep level that we would never have been able to achieve without FLR. Over the years of writing my blog, I have had several guys and Females in FLRs share similar experiences with me.
"You cannot have a strong and fulfilling D/s relationship without trust and intimacy. Even being able to discuss your fantasies with your partner requires a huge amount of trust and open communication, and what relationship couldn’t benefit from that?
You also have to learn what your partner’s wants, needs and limits are and how to respect them.
As well as building trust in the relationship, sharing your innermost desires with your partner creates a strong bond between you both.
A relationship where both partners have open communication, trust each other, feel connected and bonded to one another, and understand themselves on a deep level is a relationship worth being in, and these virtues will likely extend to other areas of the relationship, reducing conflict and creating loyalty and closeness."
And here are some final thoughts from Jezebel:
"At the end of the day, if you don’t try then you’ll never know. You don’t have to go full-on Scary Dominatrix and invest in a whole array of instruments of torture in order to be Dominant. If Femdom is good for anything, it’s for teaching you how to be open about your wants and needs, stand up for yourself in situations that require it, and sometimes, just sometimes, being able to bat your eyelids and get whatever you want 😉"
I don't know... would I be considered a full on scary Dominatrix?
I had a laugh at that reference but her point is spot on. There is no one right way to run a FLR. You have to decide what is right for you and do the things that resonate with you. What works for one couple may not work for another couple and something that is not appealing to you now, may suddenly be appealing a few years later as your FLR matures and progresses. A glaring example is the last post on cuckolding. If you read the comments you will see there are a myriad of opinions and viewpoints about it. It is perfectly ok to have different opinions and it just highlights that while it is great to listen to advice from others, you still need to apply your own judgement and reasoning on how you approach your FLR.
My advice is to read just my blog and follow all my advice. Just kidding!! You should read as much as you can about FLR and Femdom and try the things that appeal to you. There is a lot of BS that you will have to dig through but every so often you will find a golden nugget. The more you read and experiment with things, the more you will be able discern what is good advice and what is just fantasy fodder. I also suggest that you have an open mind and read about a topic that you might normally pass on and also try a few of the ideas that may seem crazy or that are outside of your comfort zone. You may be surprised at how much you like it. I've had many of these unexpected surprises over the years. I've also had a few failures but they are the moments that you look back and laugh at. To re-quote Jezebel - "If you don't try then you''ll never know."
Good luck and if you try something new, I'd love to hear how it went.
-Mz Kaylee
Below are what I consider my top 5 most effective techniques for leading my WLM and controlling my husband. They raise to the top of my list because of how impactful they have been to both my husband and I and because of the longevity of my use of them. All of these techniques are still being used by me. For each item, I have included a link to a post where I have written about the technique.Enjoy!
#5 Corner Time:
https://femdomthinktank.blogspot.com/2019/06/corner-time.html
I did not incorporate corner time until later in my WLM and I wish I did it sooner. It's effective for both disciplining Thomas and for keeping him focused on serving me. It's also very easy for me to administer, which is an added bonus. A weekly corner time ritual where Thomas kneels quietly in the corner, helps Thomas meditate and refocus on serving me for the upcoming week. Since I incorporated corner time, he has had less incidents of straying from his chores and his proper submissive attitude. It helps him feel controlled even during the weeks when I am busy and have less time to give him attention.
#4 Panties:
https://femdomthinktank.blogspot.com/2019/05/the-magic-of-panties.html
I recognize this is not for everyone, but for our WLM panties have had a tremendous impact on Thomas, making it to #4 on the list. It was early in our WLM when Thomas confessed he desire to be "forced" to wear panties. I thought it was strange and to be honest, was not thrilled about it. However, every so often I would order him into panties for fun and to appease his desire. It felt weird at first but I was shocked at how aroused and submissive he became when slipping on panties. He was very docile and willing to do whatever I wanted. Once I realized the power I had over him when he was in panties, I began to order him into them more often. I used them as a post-punishment tool to push him into submission and stay focused on serving me. Then I began to order him to wear them on certain days each week and eventually I had him toss all his boy underwear and go to panties 24/7. Later I purchased several pairs of sissy panties, which have an even bigger impact on his psyche. Over the years panties have softened the manly ego in my husband and have served as a constant reminder of his submission to me. I love that he still gets very aroused when I watch him slip on a pair, when I tease him about being girly, or when I take him shopping for a new pair. It is cute to see him struggle to not get aroused in the store.
#3 Boot Camp:
https://femdomthinktank.blogspot.com/2019/10/submissive-craving-boot-camp.html
My fellow Female Goddesses. if you have not read my posts on Boot Camp, then I highly recommend you find them and read them. I did not know what to expect when I planned my first Boot Camp for Thomas a few years ago. It turned out to be a great training tool for Thomas and also a "domination booster" for me. Boot Camp incorporated a lot of fun fantasy domination that was more intense than what I typically do. For Thomas it checked several boxes of the male submissive fantasy and so it was a dream come true for him. For me, it allowed me to step out of my comfort zone and experiment with domination. By the end of the week I was much more comfortable in my domination and more confident. It opened my eyes to a new realm of possibilities in the WLM. For example, during Boot Camp, when we were inside, Thomas was only allowed to wear a collar and cuffs and a cock ring. He spent most of the week in this outfit. We could not do this at home because of the kids. Turns out, I really liked having him this way serving me. At the time, it was only a few months until my youngest was going to head off to college. I made a decision then, that once the youngest was out of the house, Thomas would be wearing only collar and cuffs around the house on certain nights. When the time came, I think Thomas was shocked when I laid down the new rules. I am enjoying seeing his scurrying around naked in the house. Since that first Boot Camp, I have conducted a few mini weekend Boot Camps with Thomas and each one has been fun for both of us and has dialed up the fem/dom dynamic on a permanent basis.
#2 Weekly Reviews:
https://femdomthinktank.blogspot.com/2014/08/discipline-vs-punishment.html
This is a great technique on many levels, which is why it sits at #2 on my list. My weekly review sessions are great for discipline, motivation, punishment, and keeping the lines of communication open. Thomas leaves the sessions feeling submissive and focused on obeying me. The weekly cadence of reviews ensures our WLM stays in tact and that my dominance is fresh in his mind. It took me awhile to get into a regular routine of reviews. Prior to me initiating review sessions, I could go weeks before exerting control over Thomas. This would leave him frustrated and would eventually lead to him slacking off on his responsibilities. Our WLM would then go off the rails until one of us spoke out. Once I forced myself to do the weekly reviews, even if only for a few minutes, I noticed more consistent obedience and submission from Thomas. He actually looks forward to the sessions. It was a game changer for our WLM because it added consistency to my dominance over Thomas.
And the #1 Techniques is....... Orgasm Control
https://femdomthinktank.blogspot.com/2016/06/tapping-into-his-submissive-mind-orgasm.html
From day 1 of taking control of Thomas, I took control of his orgasms. The mental impact of orgasm control and denial on men is profound. Orgasm Control gave me power over Thomas and kept him focused on obeying and pleasing me. Through regulation of his orgasms, I can keep him in a perpetually aroused sate-of-mind, which keeps his mind pliable and obedient for me. He knows he must be in good standing with me in order to have any chance for an orgasm or even to have me touch his cock. This authority forces him to do every thing possible to please me in order for him to receive pleasure. Men think about sex all day, every day because of that thing between their legs. When a woman takes control of his cock it forces his mind to focus on her because she now controls the very thing that he is focused on most of the day. She become the focal point of his thoughts and that is a very deep and profound change for him that brings reality to her dominance over him. Orgasm Control is a "must" in a FLR/WLM.
What is in your top 5?
-Mz Kaylee
Somewhat recently, I had an inspiration while watching one of those older period type movies where one of the female role characters was writing into her diary each day for therapy and reflection. I had one of those epiphany moments as I saw that. Implementing something along those lines could become a useful tool for us to use in our FLR relationship! As result, into my marital tool box which now contains several of his chastity devices, a couple of punishment straps of various types and various other tools and toys of the dominants wife's trade, we have added his daily journal into the mix. Actually, I have made it a point of the fact that the journal belongs to me, it is my journal, my ownership not his, but he has been tasked with writing in it and keeping its content up to my expectations each day. The journal which I bought for him has the year boldly embossed on its outer floral covering, and within it there is basically one page devoted to each day of that calendar year. The day of the month and the month of the year is printed on each blank page of the journal. The empty pages of each day are closely ruled, but otherwise empty. We keep the journal in the drawer of my home/office desk where it is easy for me to spot check as I work from home every day. Generally, I just take a very quick glance at it each day just to make sure he’s keeping it current. He is disciplined by me (not enjoyably) if the entries in my journal are not kept up to date with the previous days activities as the last entry within it. Then every Sunday night we have now established a small ritual where I am sitting comfortably at the couch reading through the weeks journal entries to myself as he kneels on the floor by my feet, massaging them with oil or lotion. I’ll make some occasional comments or observations to him out loud as I read through it, and the review session finally ends with my signing my journal at the end of that current week under review. Along with my signature I will also make a very brief journal entry of my own below my signature with one of these three standard weekly grades:
1) Meets expectations.
2) Needs improvement.
3) Exceeds expectations.
Based off his weekly grade we can than have further discussions outside of the journal activity where we can work on and strive for his continued devotional improvement. If he achieves a grade of needs improvement, we can also talk about that as well as provide the necessary correctional steps to get him on the right path. This might just be verbal coaching on my part, physical discipline and correction from me or a combination of both. If he continually exceeds weekly expectations then that might set him up for some sort of merit reward for being a good boy. If he is solidly meeting expectations week after week, then that too is also something which can be addressed. He clearly needs to at times go the extra mile for me, for us, and our FLR relationship, to earn those exceeds expectations remarks.
These are the types of daily entries which I expect for him to make in my journal each evening, at the days conclusion:
1) A daily accounting/summation by my husband, of all of the “standard” acts of devotion he has bestowing upon me that day. By listing all devotional FLR related tasks which he has provided me (us) we can monitor and track his progress with each area of devotion. This helps set his weekly tempo and helps for him to schedule and keep track of all his assigned tasks. So this is where he notes things such as cleaning the floors, cleaning the bathroom, laundry, dishes, my foot massages, making my bath ready fro me, his yard work etc, etc. The standard devotional items we expect him to perform during the course of a normal week in our FLR marriage.
2) Any other devotional items he has bestowed upon me which are sort of one offs and outside of the normal group of devotional tasks he typically provides me with during the course of a typical week. These type of entries will lead to his earning his exceeds expectations grades. Examples might be a special one off gifts to me, a surprise event such as taking me to a play or concert, buying me a bottle of perfume with his weekly allowance etc. Doing anything not already scripted and established and uniquely special to me/us.
3) He will also record if he had received a pegging that night. I insist that its not enough for him just to record that fact that it occurred, but I also want him to write a brief but somewhat detailed statement on how much he enjoyed the pegging and how he felt while receiving it. I want to feel some genuine emotion in his accounting, not just a recording of “yea I got pegged”. I want him to come to terms with how much he really has come to enjoy these sessions and how they have replaced intercourse involving his penis. Writing about it with some detail I find makes it more real for him and exposes his arousal and need to receive his pegging from me. It also helps to keep me engaged (and aroused) with providing him with this type of reward. I like reading about his experiences.
4) I want him to record what he felt his seepage was for that specific day. This is going to be light, medium or heavy as an entry into his journal. This is just an estimation of what he felt his pre-cum output was for the day. Since he is in long term chastity and does receive regular teasing from me, he does tend to drip throughout the day, to various degrees. I want to keep track of that amount so to speak. This helps me with understanding what works for teasing and what does not. It’s sort of a barometer to me to gauge my efforts, and where he might stand while engaging in long term chastity and orgasm denial. If he has several days of high flowage - I know that what I am doing is working or perhaps working to well and that I have to dial it back a bit etc. If he reports low output that might indicate other issues which I may wish to adjust for. Most of the time I want to keep him right on the teetering edge, but I don’t want him to prematurely tilt and have an orgasm even if its some sort of ruined orgasm or just a large unneeded outflow which will detract from our game plan.
5) If he experienced any sort of significant drainage that day outside of his more normal dripping, ie any sort or ruined orgasm, nocturnal emission, or just any sort of noticeably out of the ordinary drainage I want him to record it, I want to know about it! I also want him to record the specific circumstances surrounding that emission. I want to know what was going on in his mind and body that triggered the event. This might be something like prostate milking with my hand or dildo, or from a pegging, or just waking up from a dream all wet. Him over venturing off into fantasy world with his thoughts too much, and turning his mind to mush. I want to know the detailed specifics, his self analysis, especially if it was one of the fantasizing variety of events that triggered his emission. This helps me to understand his various triggers and cravings. This helps me tailor our system of tease and denial and helps me to further understand and control his various submissive needs and desires.
6) I want him to make a detailed entry relating to his current state of chastity and denial. What he is currently feeling emotionally, what is his current degree of struggle is with the process and his state of mind. Did he wake up with painful morning wood that morning? How many times in round about numbers has he felt himself trying to erect throughout that day. Again this helps me to establish what is his current state of mush is and helps me to adjust my dominant activities accordingly.
7) Did he receive any discipline or correction that day? He needs to record it. What were the exact circumstances behind it. What was his side of the story and how was he wrong with his transgression. Did he feel it was unfair. What was the exact correction or discipline that he received. What he will try to do to correct it so that it doesn’t repeat.
8) What was his favorite tease that he received from me that day and specifically why? What made it so special or arousing to him. How did his body react when he received it. I want and expect the details from him.
9) Updating all of the general statistics I want him to keep track of each and every day. I like statistics.
a) How many orgasms he supplied me that day if any. Sometimes its zero, but more rarely. Sometimes its just one, but more usually its 2 and occasionally higher - it just depends. And then what the cumulative total for the year is on my orgasms. I find that this helps keep him in tune with his submission to me to know how often he has been able to please me to the point of my orgasm. He really takes pride of his abilities in this department, and I want him to be fully aware of how good he is with that tongue of his.
b) His own orgasm count for the year. Not normal or high leakage or ruined orgasms but his count of full blown conventional orgasms for the year. Again I want him to be keenly aware of what the required difference is between our orgasm schedules. I want him to explicitly know/feel where he is at with this figure each day.
c) I want him also to record the actual date of his last full blown orgasm. This date will likely stay the same with the vast majority of his daily entries, but I want him to be in full knowledge of that specific date at all times. I want it cemented, its helps build his sexual angst.
d) How many consecutive days in chastity he currently is at. It we quickly have to remove his device temporarily for cleaning or what not that doesn't count as being out of chastity for him. Only if its the better part of a day, that then counts as a reset counter for him.
e) His current count for how many times in the year he has been pegged by me. Since this number will be much higher than his total orgasm count. This one really messes with his mind and keeps him feeling very submissive to me.
f)
He will step on the scale and record his
physical weight. This is helpful to us both in many ways. He feels like a
sexier and more virile man when his weight is in check. When he is holding a
steady and healthy weight it helps me to ensure that hes going to be around a
long while providing me with what I need….etc. Its just good for him and the
marriage.
This is about it. These are the expected entries he is currently making for me. It might sound like a lot of overhead for him, perhaps unrealistic to some. But trust me its not. Now that he is over a month into the writing process, I would say it takes him no more that 15 minutes each night to update my journal. We have made a small template sheet that he references as he writes into the journal to make sure he is ticking all of the required entries into my journal, It’s like anything else once you establish a repetitive process, it becomes easier and more natural. I think he actually now looks forward to writing in the journal for me.
What are the benefits and what is the point of this? Huge I think! From my/our results so far, from the visible effects to his daily state of mind, I wish we had implemented this long long ago, I really do. Outside of providing me with some sort of analytical view and feedback into what is going on with him and his mind, his mush factor, its a window into the FLR part of our marriage and all of its associated activities. The best and most important part of this exercise is the effect its having on his mind, his submission and his state of heightened arousal. Writing about his experiences is like a daily mind fuck for him. Just like wearing his panties and wearing his chastity device each day for me, this is playing with his mind in delicious ways every single night. Its molding his mindset into a specific frame right before he goes off to bed and helps to fuel his fires for the next day. I can really feel his increased arousal and submission each day since we have started this. Men are typically so non verbal and closed up. This is helping him to be more expressive. Perhaps what he feels less comfortable verbalizing to me, he is more comfortable writing to me instead, and his comfort is growing with each repetition of this exercise. It also provides a concrete way for him to feel appreciated for all that he does for me and the relationship.
What he gifts me each and every day is there in black and white.
I read through his journal each week and sign off on it. I give him a grade! So
he knows that I am fully and 100% aware of what he is giving up for me, what he
is providing me. He is not existing in some sort of ungrateful vacuum of
unawareness by me. It helps him to know that he is appreciated and that I
understand what he is going through for me and us. He’s not anonymous in what
he does. I think it also helps him to
understand everything special that I have embraced and am providing him daily
to keep him in his desired state of being. Its not a one way give and take,
both parties are of benefit. You get the
point, but its a very important point and its vital to the enduring nature of
what we have going on in our relationship. I would suggest that more couples
give this a try, adjust it to your specifics. I think you both will be
pleasantly surprised on the outcome, and…. its almost 100% free, the cost of a
book and a pen. It’s juicy reading as
well! I can tell you quite honestly it
makes me more than a bit wet to read and
review his journal entries each Sunday. If you like your romance novel and you
are living the FLR life you are definitively going to enjoy reading your
journal. I have a hard time not peeking into his entries each morning just to
get the latest visual on his state of mind!
Below is just a random collection of things relating to our personal relationship which I have found to be beneficial and which I feel contribute to the continuing success of our marriage. Some of these may have an FLR flavoring to them, but most I think are pretty generic and would apply to all types of relationships. Hopefully these may come in handy to some of you, even if its just as a reminder of something which you already do or which is already some part of your life, but just have forgotten to do or think about lately. Some of these might come in handy with Valentines day just around the corner…..
1) I still love it very much when my husband randomly and without being in any sort of “trouble”, brings me home a nice bouquet of flowers. Nothing extravagant, just those $10 grocery store bundles. It still makes me feel very special and loved.
2) I still love it when he randomly plants a kiss on my lips and tells me that he loves me (and means it). No ulterior motive working in his mind, just a simple genuine expression of love. Men don’t ever be stingy with this one.
3) Same as 2 above but this time me doing the talking and the kissing.
4) I watch my diet AND exercise regularly both for my benefit as well as his. Now that I’m in my fifties (sshhhh) those extra pounds seem to get put on quicker than in those earlier years, and are also considerably harder to work off. I also try to moderate my alcohol intake especially on these cold wintry and Covid influenced days (and nights). It’s important, I believe, to try to stay physically attractive to our spouses. A healthy mind and body are a big leg up on staying desirable.
5) What I just wrote above in 4, applies to him every bit as well. Given my position of dominance in our marriage, I am able to promote and enforce a healthier lifestyle for my husband. So this is an easier win for me had I (We) not been in an FLR.
6) Going further with the healthy mind and body theme, we make it a point to read books to keep our minds active and to stay active in the pursuit of knowledge and personal growth material. Every other Wednesday night we head to our local library. This is an actual date we have on our calendars. We each find a book of interest and try to read those books within the 2 week spans we have in between those library nights. As a woman, I find an intelligent mind extremely attractive. We kind of make a night of it, after finding our books, we head over to the local coffee shop and enjoy a nice coffee or tea, and a pastry or sandwich, and we just discuss life while we are there. Usually nothing sexual at all in our discussions (although some times I might play a little bit of footsie under the table with his little caged package), but I find the whole intellectual outing process alluring of itself. I believe that keeping the mind active helps prevent and ward off things like early onset Alzheimer's. Anyhow it works for us and we both really enjoy these nights out.
7) Turn the tables every now and then. The vast majority of days I am on the receiving end of his pampering, and he genuinely enjoys doing that for me, but everyone deserves an unexpected treat every now and then. So once and a while I give him the night off so to speak, and do some catering to his needs whether its a full body massage or whatever (no it doesn't mean he gets an orgasm…)
8) Be generous with praise and kind words. Be affectionate. What goes around, tends to come around.
9) Sometimes, believe it or not, I am not in the mood for sex. In my case, the vast majority of the time sex means oral from my husband and I really enjoy and love it most nights. But not every single night. Sometime you have your period as well… On some of those nights our “alternative activity” is for me to nurse my husband while laying in bed. While there is a slight sexual overtone to doing this as a couple, its mostly about sharing emotions for us. My husband goes to this deep wonderful emotional place when he’s at my breast, and… so do I. I love it. I have a post somewhere here on this site which discusses that further.
10) Surprise me every now and then and take me out to dinner. Emphasis on surprise. We don’t eat out often, for budgetary reasons and for the fact that we enjoy our own home cooked meals, but an occasional night out really hits the spot every now and then and makes everyone feel a bit special. The local diner is perfectly fine, doesn't have to be fancy and expensive.
11) Random foot massages/soaks and neck massages are always wonderful and appreciated. No FLR or sexual component needed. Random small scale pampering to say I love you and that I appreciate you. Again feel free to turn the tables on this one every now and then.
As I think of more items which we periodically enjoy and find beneficial as a couple, I will post again. Hopefully some of the ones I included above will resonate with some of you, and you can give them a try in your relationship if they are not already present. Enjoy life and one another. It can’t always be centered on sex. Keeping the passion alive in your relationship can take so many forms outside of that.
-AJ
Unfortunately, I think this is the response that a considerable percentage of female readers may initially have when their significant male other introduces them into the desire for FLR based activities. I personally don’t think its at all true or that this is in fact the motivation behind his “special” needs. Lets be frank, 9 times out of 10 it’s not the woman who is desiring and/or initiating this FLR “stuff”, not initially at least. Its him not you. But why? Why does he have this “weird” need?
Trust me, it’s not at all about you, at least not in the way you are letting your first emotional instincts take you to with this first response judgement. Its not about your letting him down in any way and not being the good enough wife or girlfriend. It is not any sort of indictment on your performance in bed or your abilities as a wife. It’s all about something deeply mysterious which is occurring in that pea sized misshapen man head of his. I think this type of thing has always been the continual misunderstanding between a man and a woman. They just operate and think differently than us in the department of sex, sexuality and relationships is the best deeply thought-out answer that I can provide. We are just typically two different creatures when it comes to this and we both have a hard time figuring the other one out.
We have wasted so many fights, so many marriages and so many therapy sessions trying to address and understand this. With FLR in particular, why does a man crave to be spanked? Why does a man crave to have his junk locked away? Why does a man want us to subjugate him? It’s frankly bizarre stuff for us women when we first hear of it. We just can’t wrap our heads around it. But the truth of the matter is that neither can he, not really. It’s just how the DNA in many men got put together. Part of it I think, is how tightly bound men are with displaying their real inner emotions. The fact that they are expected to present this stone wall facade of the always in charge and the always under total emotional control. It’s how they were brought up and shown how to behave as a “real man”. It has to be sooo utterly exhausting to live life that way is my personal thought. I think “that's” what partially drives men to this need for things like FLR in their lives. It’s a controlled way for them to open up to the women in their lives, to themselves. They can let our their emotions under this guise. They can relax and not be the in charge person they are expected to be outside of the home and perhaps normally within the home. This is them letting their hair down so to speak.
They also frankly just like weird kinky type sex, can be the other augmenting answer to the one above.
But whatever the real answer is to this age old question of why are men so different than us, it’s not that we as women are failing them some how. It’s not that we aren't good enough as we currently exist. It’s just that we are put together differently. Our thoughts and our emotional processes are just different than theirs. Sexuality just means something a bit different to us both. We respond to various stimulus in different ways than do men. The really cool thing about FLR, I think, is that it is a pathway for women and men to come closer together on the topic of sex and relationships and emotions. Through the concepts of who is behaving dominantly and who is behaving submissively and what that also means emotionally to be the dominant and the submissive in the relationship. Living this in an FLR lifestyle subtly shifts the dynamics of what it means to be a man and what it means to be a woman. I think where we both end up is somewhere more closely in the middle, that’s the real beauty of FLR, not the control and not the everything else.
Anyhow, a very unsubstantial answer to a very complex question and to what is a very valid emotional response that many women might ask themselves when presented with the desire of their man to engage in FLR activity. If it was easy to answer, the relationship counselors would have been out of business years ago I guess. I would really be interested what other women on this site might have to say about this. What is your whole take on why are we (Women) are never good enough for men? Please comment. No one wants to feel that they are broken or not good enough. I know that is not at all your (men's) intent or feelings when you try to bring this “need” up with your wife or girlfriend but unfortunately that’s how many might feel. This would be a wonderful thread for all of the woman readers to comment on. In particular your opinion is the one I want to hear. Men are just weird - I already know that :)
One final word. I use the word weird here frequently. It was all very weird especially in the early goings. But all I have to say is that now that I have been in the mix with this whole FLR business for many years - is that its still weird, but a very enjoyable and good weird at the end of the day for me. It works and it has strengthened my relationship. It was never a question if I was not good enough for him. He just wanted me to to be a bit more weird with him :)
-AJ
Our morning rituals, aside from the expected retrieval of
her coffee and loving good morning kisses when first wakes, is assisting her in
getting into her panties. I stand before her and she is completely naked. She
chooses the panties she will wearing for the day, hands them to me and I kneel,
holding them open so she can easily insert each foot. I them tenderly pull them
and before putting them in them in their proper place, I kiss her vagina
several times, thank for being allowed to serve her, then pull them in place.
Then, that hug from my kneeling position gives me the "juice" I need
to begin my day.
Right after that, I start her car, gather the
things I have been told she needs to go with her, escort her to her car in the
garage, tell her I love her, and ask (required to every day) and if there are
any instructions for for the day. They could be anything to domestic chores, to
wearing panties or a plug, and now.
It's a beautiful way for us to start our day.
Every morning after I drop off the kids, I come back to our
bedroom to do my devotion. This entails 2 primary acts in bed. The first is me
covering her pussy area with loving kisses. No insertion or licking is
involved. She lays in bed while my face is in between her legs. At her
prompting, she would turn around and then I would kiss her ass cheeks before
rimming her, which is my 2nd act. I caress her body while rimming her, and she
can feel my adoration. She decides when I should finish but usually the whole
process is about 5 min or less. We then hug with my head tucked below her neck
and I tell her how much I adore her, that I live to be owned and used by her,
that my only purpose is to worship her and to make her happy. Then we discuss
our plans for the day before I get out of bed and kneel by the bedside. She
sits on the side with her feet dangling and I take each foot and thoroughly
kiss the bottom of each foot and caress them on my face. I then hold her soles
against my chest and, while kneeling in front of her, recite: Thank you Goddess
for owning me and training me. I am grateful for the opportunity to be owned
and to serve you and to please you. That is my purpose in life. I promise to be
a good slave for you for the rest of my life and to obey and worship you at all
times so that I continue to have the privilege to kneel in front of you every
morning with your feet on my heart, to kiss the bottom of your feet, to adore
your pussy every morning, to be on-demand pussy worshipper whenever you wish,
and to rim your ass every morning to demonstrate my submission. I then put on
her sandals for her and then give her pussy a gentle kiss. She stands up and
turns around and I give her behind a final kiss.
Several of the topic suggestions from my last post were related to the 24/7 Wife Led Marriage (WLM) lifestyle and how it works. There are many facets to the lifestyle and addressing them all in one post is not possible. My blog is a good resource for learning about the lifestyle so if you are interested in how it works, then it is worth your time to go back and read the older posts. In this post I will touch on some of the key aspects. For many of you a WLM is a fantasy and may seem like it could never be reality. Others may view WLM as crazy and not realistic. I absolutely can relate, because I remember reading about the lifestyle when I was younger and thinking the same things. I am here now to tell you it is possible and it is very practical. When both partners are committed to the WLM it is an excellent form of marriage that encourages communication, reduces conflict, and creates and strong emotional bond between husband and wife. I have experienced all of those benefits and many of the readers of this blog have also expressed that they have experienced the same benefits in their WLM.
When I take a step back and look at what goes on in my WLM, it seems very crazy. 10 years ago, I would have never guessed that I would be punishing my husband, controlling when he can orgasm, making him wear panties, sending him to the corner, and expecting him to do almost all the chores. I would have never imagined that I would be getting massages from him several time a week, and that he would be giving me baths and fetching things for me without question or hesitation. 10 years ago, that all seemed like extreme domination and fantasy to me. Fast forward to today and when I am in the moment it feels so normal to me and it works very well for us. Our marriage is strong and we are having a ton of fun together. Now I could not imagine going back to the "vanilla" lifestyle.
The 24/7 WLM lifestyle is most definitely possible but it requires commitment from both the husband and wife. Everything is not going to suddenly fall into place and work perfectly, when you both decide you want to do it. Establishing the WLM is easy; getting it to the point where things are humming along great is a journey with many ups and downs and twists and turns. At least that has been my experience. Like most new things you try in life, it takes time, experience, and trail and error to get comfortable with it and good at it. For example, most people are not going to be able to pick up a golf club and hit the ball straight and far right away. Their first game of golf will probably be terrible. Some people may learn quickly and love the game right away. Many others will take several years to get good at it, and may even get frustrated and give it up a few times along the way and then come back to it later. However, once they hit that perfect shot for the first time, there is great joy, and when they start to see their balls going straighter more often, their confidence builds and there is motivation to keep playing. You can expect similar experiences and emotions when building a WLM.
The Day-to-Day Life in a 24/7 WLM
The daily life of a WLM can vary significantly from couple-to-couple. It largely depends on how the wife wants to lead the relationship and how committed the husband is to making it work. Other variables such as, the maturity of the relationship, whether there are kids in the house, and work/family demands, affect how the WLM operates. My WLM certainly has changed over time and is much different now then when I first started.
The WLM lifestyle for most people is not about the wife exerting extreme control over the husband every day. She is not dressing in leather every day or forcing him to be naked and collared all of the time. She is not barking orders at him 24/7 and constantly punishing him. Perhaps some people live like that but the vast majority of us can not feasibly live like that and do not want that everyday. It is tiring and non-productive. The key to the long-term WLM, is to blend the control and submissive aspects into every day life. I've written more about this in my post "Creating a Productive Environment for YourSubmissive:" https://www.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/1938012059034696763/5367148811547645825
For the lifestyle to be sustainable, there also needs to be commitment from the husband to serve, obey, and yield to his wife's authority. If he is not willingly yielding to her and accepting her authority over him, even when he does not agree or like the outcome, then it create un-needed tension that strains the relationship. Likewise. the wife needs to be committed to leading the marriage in the best interest of the couple. This means taking into consideration the husband's needs and desires when making decisions. The wife also has the responsibility of actively leading the WLM by setting clear expectations for the husband, implementing rules and routines for him, monitoring his performance, incorporating regular discipline and rewards for him, and if needed punishment to hold him accountable. A successful WLM takes effort and sacrifice to be sustainable. It does not just happen on its own.
The good news is that when both spouses are committed and fully engaged in the WLM principles, there are many benefits. The marriage becomes stronger, the couple grows closer together, there is better communication and less conflicts, and their happiness increases. Another fantastic benefit is that the house is always clean! For the wife, the effort she puts into leading, results in a much higher standard of living, She is being served and pampered and does not have to be bothered with boring mundane tasks and chores. She gets pleasured whenever and however she wants and sex and foreplay are primarily focused on her. Perhaps the biggest benefit of all, is that she gets what she wants and lives like a Queen and Goddess. If you are a female that is just starting out in the lifestyle, you may not be experiencing all these benefits yet, but over time with proper training and discipline of your husband, you will get there.
The husband benefits by getting to live out his submissive fantasy in real life, which helps to satisfy his submissive craving. His submission toward his wife also creates a sense of fulfillment and purpose within, which makes the experience incredibly rewarding and satisfying. It is a much deeper satisfaction than engaging in pornography or with a dominatrix or online mistress. An unexpected benefit that my husband has mentioned, is that he feels like a more productive person because of all that he accomplishes through obeying me. The WLM can also reduce stress and improve the overall well-being of the husband because submissive individuals thrive in environments where there are clear expectations and they are told what to do. Finally, even though the submissive may be denied orgasm regularly, his sex life becomes better and more active in a WLM. This is because he learns to experience pleasure in new ways. Those who discover the pleasure of being teased and denied, experience an entirely new level of arousal, and often prefer denial over orgasm. His sex life also improves because the wife learns to incorporate more teasing and sexual motivators into the marriage.
Making it Work
Just like other relationships, the WLM takes effort and sacrifice to make it work. There could be days or even weeks where there is no overt domination. However, those days and weeks are filled with subtle domination and lots of expectations and rules. Every day, the submissive operates within these rules and expectations with the intent to please his wife. He knows that he will be held accountable if he does not follow the rules or meet expectations. Contrary to what many may think, the husband makes decisions in a WLM. It is not practical or convenient to restrict decisions. However, his decision-making is done with his wife's needs, desires, and expectations in mind. Poor decisions or inappropriate decision- making are subject to punishment or discipline. When presented with a decision, it is incumbent on the husband to exercise common sense in determining which decisions he has authority to make and which decisions need the approval of his wife or should be referred to his wife. He also understands that his wife has the final say in all decisions, regardless of his opinion, and he willingly accepts this and yields to her.
The WLM incorporate non-traditional methods such as orgasm control, punishment, rewards, discipline, training, and sexual domination. Those are some examples. There are many more approaches that are effective for a WLM and not all couples will employ all strategies. As noted earlier in the post, different approaches appeal to different people and you should use what works best for your relationship. The non-traditional methods are important strategies that teach the husband how to properly serve his wife, motivate the husband to serve and please her, and deter him from bad habits and bad behavior. These strategies should exist in both new and mature WLMs. I also encourage females to delve into the more fun and kinky aspects of female domination as these can be mind blowing experiences and great motivators for the husband. Surprisingly, a few of the kinky experiences with my husband have been the most intimate and "soul connecting" moments with him. I know I am not alone in experiencing this. Over the years, many readers have shared similar experiences with me. Hopefully this is enough to convince some of you to let your inhibitions go and try something kinky and fun.
To sum it all up, the 24/7 WLM is sustainable over the long-term when both wife and husband are committed to making it work, incorporate the dynamic into their day-to-day life, and find the right balance of control and domination that works for them. If you are thinking about a WLM or new to it, I want you to know that it is a fantastic lifestyle. It takes a lot of effort, communication, and trial and error to get it running smoothly, but once you get there, it is fantastic! I will also add that the journey to get there is an amazing learning experience that helps you both grow as individuals.
-Mz Kaylee
There are many reasons why women involved in an female led relationship may incorporate tools into the relationship such as orgasm management, chastity, pegging, and discipline. Most of those reasons I’ve already detailed in some of my previous posts on this site, and those previously discussed items revolve around enhancing sexual and domestic enjoyment for both partners in the relationship. What I have not touched upon in those previous posts are some additional, not widely discussed, more practical reasons why the female partner and for that matter also the male partner, may find benefit from using these FLR practices.
As we all know many men, particularly those of middle aged years and beyond, but also surprisingly large numbers of younger men, experience various issues with their penis’s. These issues can range from premature ejaculation, retarded ejaculation, as well as erectile dysfunction issues. I think men have it very difficult in this regard as they have these big (or not so big:) ) bulky physical appendages which are so out there for all to see during sex. When they have performance issues of any type, particularly with ED but also with premature ejaculation, it's all too quickly and obviously evident to us women - and to them. There are all sorts of reasons for these issues both physical and mental and it can really become a serious source of relationship angst for any couple. Some men also find it very difficult to orgasm, especially from PIV sex, which can lead to problems as well. Speaking from a woman's perspective, I feel that frequently, but not always obviously (there are multiple causes for these issues and many are very complex and some are completely and truly out of his control) a fair portion of these penile issues are self induced by a man and stem from his own self abuse issues, i.e. frequent masturbation and over indulgence in various porn imagery. When a man gets used to frequently choking his own chicken so to speak, he very often uses a death type grip on his penis which long term serves to desensitize his penis to the more delicate PIV sensations he requires for partner sex, leading to his inability to ejaculate when inside us. This can be an issue if the woman doesn't really want to engage in sex or does not enjoy long bouts of sex. All of that prolonged in and out friction as he attempts to orgasm can cause us some pretty intense pain and irritation.
Similarly, if a man conditions himself to viewing certain kinds of porn while masturbating or leading up to his masturbation, he also can condition himself in such a way where without that imagery present in his eyes and mind, i.e. when making love to his woman instead of to the computer screen, he can also not experience all of the mental and visual stimulation that he has conditioned his body to expect for his orgasm to occur in a timely manner. When he over indulges in self pleasure he also depletes his supply of ready semen as well as throws his whole sexual hormonal balance completely out of whack. So his desire for sex may greatly diminish as result. Frequent masturbation can also lead to the reverse condition as well, premature ejaculation. He so frequently over stimulates himself that he trains himself to be on hair trigger for his orgasms. As result us women begin to experience more of the wham bam thank you mam variety of sex. He gets off but we never do. Over indulgence in porn and “self jackery” can also cause situations where he is just no longer finding himself stimulated enough in his mind to enjoy normal partner based sex and he can no longer get it up for us as result.
Again there are many other valid psychological and physical issues which may account for these performance related issues in your man, but a fair percentage of them, I feel can be self induced by his own personal behavior. Diet and exercise, controllable items in his domain, can also play large factor in these types of issues. Obviously if we in an FLR employ tools such as orgasm management and chastity we can curtail much of this self destructive behavior and correct much of these self induced issues for the betterment of both parties in the relationship. These are the aspects of orgasm control and chastity which I have previously posted about. Regardless of whether or not the source of his issues are self made or completely out of his control, FLR tools can come to the rescue of your sexual relationship. This is what I intend to be the real intent of this post today. If partner sex is going to frequently lead to frustrations of ED and ejaculatory issues, both partners experience that pain and frustration, not just the man. The loving partner sex act then suffers greatly as result. I think subconsciously many couples may begin to dread sex because of the inevitability of these issues coming up during sex, so sex becomes, to speak candidly, more trouble than it may be worth. As a wife, it pains me to see the emotional torment and distraught that he may experience when he incurs these various issues during our love making. Take my own sexual satisfaction completely out of the picture with that. So there is all sorts of very real mental and relationship issues experienced by both man and partner when these matters routinely crop up in your love making.
How to remedy his performance issues? The very simple and shockingly “no shit” answer to this whole dilemma is to take away his ability (very largely) to use his penis during sex, ever. It really is that simple of a solution!
Outside of all of the more kink based FLR reasons we usually think of when it comes to restricting his use of his own penis, this straight forward approach gives him and you a simple and foolproof OUT to not willingly experience his performance based issues in the future. He no longer has to feel guilty or mentally tormented by having these issues flaunted in his face every time you have sex. He can instead say psychologically, I am not being allowed to have an erection or experience an orgasm today because my partner is in complete sexual control of me today and that is not what she wants today. I am either being told no orgasm today (through chastity or not), or my penis is not at all being put in play for today’s sexual activities, so its not my fault or in my control, its totally her decision and will that I am bending to. I’m going to be more than happy in just pleasuring her with either my mouth, my fingers or some other tool of her choosing, but not my penis. Believe it or not this simple fact or truth can be so immensely liberating to him as a man. He does not have to worry about performing that day or the next. He knows he wont then suffer the angst of not coming through for you. Similarly this is also a huge relief to us as women as we can skip the whole episode of “yup it happened again, lets clean up and just go back to sleep”. By simply saying to your man “NO PENIS” during our sex tonight, you are freeing him from this overwhelming performance responsibility he may be experiencing. But also in so doing you are also reconditioning him to experience sex in ways much more beneficial both to himself and yourself by doing that, and that is even more important as it truly will improve the sex for both partners despite him having these issues. When you take control of your mans ability to orgasm, his frequency or orgasm, or his ability to manipulate his penis at his own whim whenever he feels like it, you are setting him up for success. You are doing him a huge favor as well as one for yourself. Your love making will improve 10 fold I guarantee it. He will begin to experience sex as something which he primarily does to satisfy his partner, without thinking of himself first. His enjoyment in sex will really come down to his developing ability to bring you to complete sexual satisfaction and orgasm every time you partake. In my marriage this is almost nightly. With time, surprisingly little time, he will really experience immense self sexual enjoyment and fulfillment in simply pleasuring you. Your orgasm becomes his ultimate victory and his sense of manly pride soars as well as it becomes his own pseudo source of orgasm. By my husbands own words, he experiences a huge uplift knowing that his technique and skills brought it about. He experiences a complete sense of physical and psychological nirvana which greatly surpass those he previously experienced when he himself was allowed to orgasm. His penis never leaves his cage when all of this occurs! It really is amazing to the both of us as to how unneeded his penis has become in our love making and how neither one of us really miss it at all in our love making. We both experience sexual and pure mental bliss without it ever coming out to play. Amazing!
By rationing and severely limiting his ability to self play as well as partner play with his penis, you are reconditioning him both mentally, as described above, as well as physically. By restricting his self touch and your touch to his penis you are making it far more sensitive to your (not his) controlled sexual stimulus and when it really counts. When you decide its time for him to come out and play, when you think he is ready AND ABLE. When you think he is deserving of that extra special treat. He is much more likely to perform physically with his penis to both your and his sexual satisfaction as result of this rationing and reconditioning. More importantly, if he does have a re-occurrence of his old issues, and with age related penile issues in particular there is still a good likelihood of that happening despite your best of care, its no longer a big deal! The number of times a year that this potentially is likely to happen will be so few. Due to your rationing of his penis's use, this won't become that mental hang up point that it once was for the both of you. It's no longer constantly on his mind and its no longer constantly disrupting your sexual experiences. By following this controlled technique, it becomes a much more manageable issue for the both of you if and when it re-occurs.
“Honey I know its still a problem and I’m sorry it happened again, but really its not that big of a deal, we have something much better going on right now for the both of us anyhow. Go get cleaned up and lets get your cage back on”.
And then just as suddenly your back to what works and feels best for the both of you for another long stretch of time. The problem is really solved this simply. Your man does not suffer and in fact his sexual satisfaction is greatly increased by employing these techniques. Your man's frequency and your frequency of enjoyable sex will actually drastically increase following these techniques. So instead of having this relatively small number of sexual encounters which frequently end in utter disappointment for both partners, you go to this new sex which has many more occurrences, possibly even nightly if the woman desires it. Sex where both partners are receiving highly satisfying and pleasurable stimulation. As the woman becomes to experience more and more successful instances of orgasm and/or just plain pleasure as direct result of training her husband in his sexual techniques, her desire for sex is very likely to go up. Following FLR principles your man will become much more receptive to receiving your critique of his sexual performance, and you will be able to direct him much more compliantly in those sexual activities (the proper use of his tongue, his fingers, those penetrative toys) which you find enjoyable and which result in orgasm or pleasure for you. You are re-training his sexual techniques to work for you.
By increasing the number of pleasurable instances of sex for the woman, you are also building his confidence back up. You are making him feel successful and fully capable again with sex. He will take great pleasure in being able to satisfy you. Men are goal driven, men also respond extremely well with visual stimulation (that's a large part of why they watch so much porn), so by presenting him with this plethora of highly successful sexual activity in which he plays the leading role, you are also driving down his need and desire for porn based activities. You become his porn, and believe me you will be able to get as much sexual attention from him that you desire. This may sound worrying to a woman who is used to getting unsatisfying sex, but through these techniques a woman will find that the physical nature of sex can become extremely nice and something to look forward to. As both of you evolve in your love making, FLR style, I believe that both partners will become highly satiated with the frequency, QUALITY, and duration of sex - I know I did. Sex becomes something which you look forward to and not something which you view with apprehension and possibly dread. So its a big win for him and a huge win for her.
As your FLR evolves, you can also institute other advanced techniques into your love making. Other means of providing him with some direct physical stimulation which does not involve his problematic penis. By this I mean pegging. When you take away his ability to focus 100% of his physical pleasure on his penis, you open up a whole new realm of possibilities for both him and you. You may be surprised as to how quickly your man can become reconditioned to achieve large physical pleasure when that attention is focused to his butt and prostate. He will evolve to greatly enjoy the wonderful and pleasurable sensations you can provide him through back door activity. You are providing him with a very viable and alternate means to achieve physical sexual satisfaction, and he will love you for this. Again thinking out of the box. Making things work and wonderful when certain other things no longer work so well and aren't quite so wonderful. Sex does not need to begin or end or anything else with his penis in the equation. Don’t get hung up on performance issues and work around them, you may very well learn that when all is said and done nothing is really being given up but there is something truly being gained! I know that in my marriage our sex has never been better for the both of us. FLR and the tools of FLR not only provide us with this huge physical benefit but so many others. Our domestic life is so much better and satisfying. I have covered these other FLR benefits in previous posts. But bottom go away thought for this post, there is more to controlling his cock than meets the eye. Its not just kink! Enjoy.
-AJ
