Guest Post: Objectification and femdom: what's behind? (by Mistress Kym)

Below is a guest post from Mistress Kym on objectification. I am thrilled to share her post because she writes from the perspective of a female led relationship. As you know, my writings are based on my experiences in a wife led marriage. While both types of relationships (FLR and WLM) incorporate femdom and have similarities, there are also differences between the two and the dynamic in a FLR can be much different than a WLM. Thank you Mistress Kym for bringing this perspective and sharing your thoughts. -Mz Kaylee

Objectification and femdom: what’s behind?

 

First of all, I would like to introduce myself. I am Mistress Kym, a girl next door who became a domme and started a real and authentic 24/7 femdom relationship with her boyfriend (and future submissive). 

Let’s go back to our topic.

Objectification happens when a Mistress treats her submissive as an object. It is a very powerful action, it is something that deeply impacts the other person.

In normal life, there are several reasons why you do that, but one of the main goals is to take away somebody else’s identity and personality. 

 In femdom, a Mistress uses objectification to basically humiliate her submissive, to punish him, or to get her own pleasure. Later on, we will find out why, and how she does it.

 

Objectification for Mistress Kym

From my point of view, objectification is a practice that has to be introduced slowly in the relationship: first verbally and then physically. When I say that, I mean that you need to talk about it within the couple and make sure that both partners agree and are aware of the possible (positive and/or negative) consequences. When everything is clear, the Mistress can use it with her submissive.

This is my suggestion, of course, you can deal with it as you prefer.

In my femdom relationship, I mainly use 3 practices (not necessarily all at the same time) in which my sub loses his identity and personality: objectification, depersonalization, sensory deprivation.

 

When it’s session-time, I warm up the atmosphere with some worship practices, or whatever I feel like doing. But, when he reaches a certain level of arousal, it’s time to switch attitude and get more impactful. At that time, I order my sub to either:

- transform himself into an object as, e.g., my human furniture (tea table, footstool, etc.) > OBJECTIFICATION; or

- wear a full-face mask, in order to depersonalize him > DEPERSONALIZATION; or

- wear blindfold, gag, earplugs and anything useful for sensory deprivation and movement limitation (handcuffs, ropes, etc.) > SENSORY DEPRIVATION

 

Objectification is used in other ways, but instrumentality and ownership are the most common applications. 

You may agree when we say that it is easier to control someone who lost his identity. 

In femdom, frustration, humiliation, and despair will make your sub more maneuverable. You own “it”, and you use “it” as you desire or need.

 

Emotional impact 

Initially, you both (Mistress and sub) may feel uncomfortable during this practice. Let’s find out why.

The human being (as homo sapiens) is different from other living beings (animals, plants) mainly because he/she feels emotions, and during the entire life, he/she builds his/her own personality and identity according to his/her values. We are all different, but we have a common objective: living an intense life, tailored to our desires, values, and aiming to happiness. Objectification disrupts everything I just mentioned. 

During objectification practices, the Mistress takes everything away from her submissive, leaving him as an empty body without a soul. 

On the other side, the submissive will go through a practice that belittles him and transforms him into “something” and not “someone”. It is extremely humiliating.

This is why it may be weird when you initially objectify your submissive.

 

This said, believe me when I say that it is normal for a Mistress to feel guilty or feel sorry for her “object”. The good news is that there is a solution for that!

 

The “cure” has to be applied before and after the practice:

- before: openly discuss it with your sub. Let him understand what’s behind your actions, explain to him why you do that, and make sure he is aware that there is nothing wrong with that.

- after: take some time and reassure him explaining that objectification is part of your lifestyle, show him a bit of love, and take seriously his reactions. Aftercare is a must because you, as a Mistress, are responsible for your submissive, for his physical and mental health. 

In both cases, remember that communication is very, very important in femdom or BDSM practices. 

 

Tools: yes or no?

There are different schools of thought. Some say that it is more powerful to use BDSM tools during the practice, others say that it is not necessary at all.

What would I say? Well, do it as you feel, as long as the experience is deep and pleasant for the two of you. Personally, I use tools for sensory deprivation or depersonalization only. But you can succeed also without using anything. 

Free your fantasy and creativity, it will be wonderful!

All in all, objectification is one of the most impactful practices as it goes deep into someone else feelings, emotions, and personality. 

Do not forget that your sub surrendered to you, and has total trust in you and in each of your actions. Despite all, he is still a human being so, in the beginning, be careful and care about him and his feelings. Do everything you need to have an intense and pleasant sexual experience. 

If you want to know more about that and other femdom/BDSM topics, you can read my personal blog.