Every now and then our WLM goes off course a bit because of external factors that impact my husband or I or both of us. It may be work related or family issues. As we all know from the recent pandemic, sickness can also temporarily put a stop to normal routines. Some things are beyond our control and we just have to deal with them. That is the way life works. As I talk about this, I am visualizing a ship traveling across the ocean that hits stormy seas. Large swells and waves may force the ship off course but once things calm down a bit the captain takes measures to get the ship back on course. This is all fresh in my mind because my husband and I are traversing a few waves of our own right now, that are beyond our control. So I am the captain of my marriage and like the captain of the ship, it is my responsibility to take measures to not get too far off course and then when the seas start to calm a bit, take action to get our WLM back on track. I have learned that the sooner I take these measures the better. If you let poor routines, laziness, and mediocre obedience linger, it only becomes worse and it becomes frustration for both the Wife and husband.
The good news is that it easy to get back on track. It is as simple as administering a tough discipline session, with punishment, and then resetting expectations with your submissive husband. When I do this with my husband he instantly snaps back into submissive mode and his devotion and obedience to me is re-energized. I wish someone had told me this trick earlier in my FLR because there were many times in the past where we were floating along haphazardly for weeks in a state of unhappiness and frustration. Eventually I figured out that the "rip the band-aid" off approach worked perfectly. It is amazing how submissive men respond instantly to a session of tough domination. I've realize that not only does my husband need this to get back on track, but he wants it. He wants the discipline, he wants me to be strict about resetting expectations, and he wants the punishment too. When external factors affect his obedience, it is not his fault, but he still needs and wants the punishment because it is his way to pay penance and forgive himself for not serving me the way he committed to. Once the punishment is over, his slate is wiped clean and he can move forward with his refreshed submission and devotion.
My usual approach is to first give him a written note expressing my disapproval in how things are going, citing specific examples. I will also express understanding of why it is happened and then state that it is time for him to do better and get back on track with his routines and chores. In the note I will convey that we will have a discipline session at a certain time (usually the upcoming weekend) to discuss further. I like giving the note about a day in advance of the session because it helps him mentally prepare for it, but it is not too long of a timeframe that he dwells on it. The note is also the spark that starts to re-energize his obedience. He always thanks me for the note and that day he will pay much more attention to me.
For the discipline session, I will have him naked or in sissy panties or in collar and cuffs. Typically when I do our regular review session, I am dressed in normal clothes. For this discipline session I will put on a fetish outfit such as a latex minidress, corset, or a leather top and shorts. I have these amazing heels with studded straps that I like to wear with the outfit. I break out the fetish wear for these occasions because this type of clothing sets a serious and dominant mood, which is very effective in helping to snap my husband back to the obedient and devoted slave that I want and the he desires to be. When he sees me in these outfits, the submissive effect on him is noticeable.
I will then spend about 30 minutes discussing the situation and resetting expectations. Sometimes I will spank him but for these "get back on track" discipline sessions, I spend more time focused on discussing my expectations of him going forward because we both know the reason things went off-track was more due to external factors outside of our control. Focusing on what needs to change is more productive and motivational. I may even add a new rule or expectation for him. During our talk he will either be kneeling across me while I am sitting on the bed or laying next to me on the bed, so that I can hold and stroke his cock. This keeps him very focused on listening to me.
At the end of the session, I will issue a punishment, which always requires that he wear a special pair of punishment panties every day until I feel his obedience and devotion are back up to my expectations on a consistent basis. Sometimes he has worn these panties for over a month. He has to hand wash them every night. For the actual punishment, I usually takeaway some of his privileges for a period of time such as activities with friends or TV time. The session will end with him spending 30 minutes kneeling in the corner as part of his punishment and to meditate on what he needs to do to be more devoted and obedient to me. However, I do get aroused during these sessions, so I will order him to orally pleasure me before I send him off to the corner. It is a very empowering feeling to order him to the corner immediately after I have an orgasm and while he is denied orgasm and fully aroused and horny for me.
The discipline session is also beneficial to me. Planning for and administering the session helps me get back into the routine of enforcing the rules and exerting my dominance. I am re-energized after the sessions and in the days following it will pay extra attention to ensuring Thomas is doing what he is supposed to do.
The end result of all this is that we are both refocused on our roles within the WLM and we get right back on track without looking back. I highly recommend you use a tough discipline and punishment session to get things back on track, if your WLM has gone off course. Do not wait either. It's best to address it immediately.
-Mz Kaylee
Brilliant! Every relationship needs to be reset now and again (humbly) but this is an FLR turns in a true reboot. It seems like the reboot is fun too... :)
ReplyDeleteThanks,
robby
Mz Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteI really respect how organized and ritualistic you are in your reset. Starting with the note, what you make him wear, what you wear, the punishments ... all of it reinforces to him his submission.
Our WLM is much less developed. I basically use corporal punishment, grounding, and orgasm restriction as punishments -- and they work as a reset. But I also can envision the advantages of an extended ritual such as you describe. Maybe someday I'll design one!
Trina
You’re are so right that submissive husbands do desire a rest when exterior things upset the balance. The methods of management you describe I’m sure are very effective and bring peace to your household. Great example of how to be an effective leader and understanding that the submissive husband desires you to be strict and to the point. I’m sure your husband feels completely energized, obedient, and totally submissive after you put him in the corner. The punishment panties I’m sure just make him relive the complete reboot over and over in his mind. That would really condition a husband without extreme effort on your part. MrLois
ReplyDeleteThis is excellent and VERY timely for us. Thank you Mz Kaylee!
ReplyDeleteHi MS Kaylee
ReplyDeleteResets are important from time to time and often the male doesn’t realize he is due. They don’t need to be elaborate either. My former fiancé, when one was needed would order me to report to her at her apartment (which she shared with two other women) I was always instructed to arrive without underpants on underneath my pants. She had her own room but anyone in the apartment would know what was going on. After the discipline I was given several pairs of her panties putting one on before I could leave. I had to wear a different pair every day, hand wash that days pair and stay in panties until she told me I could wear my boxers again (usually about a month). The corporal punishment was usually not as severe as she could be (probably because her roommates were usually home) but being made to wear the panties did straighten my attitude and behavior out pretty fast. So resets do work. It is important the male knows why it is being done and what is expected from him in the future
Doug
Thanks for sharing Doug. I find that panties have a mental effect on my husband that keep him submissive minded a more obedient. That is why several years ago I switched from having him wear them occasionally to having him wear them 24/7. It actually started out as a punishment that he had to pack away his boxers and wear panties until I decided otherwise. I never decided otherwise. lol! After a few months he said, "I guess I'm never going back to boxers again, huh?" I replied, "that would be best, don't you think?" He wisely agreed.
DeleteMy wife also refers to this as a "reset" and isn't formal about it in terms of punishing me, writing notes, conveying new expectations, etc. Generally every few months she will kind of cheerfully announce that I am to move my things out of her bedroom/bathroom to a guest room downstairs so that she can focus better. This typically means even more time for me doing chores, but also a more subtle shift in our relationship away from husband/wife more towards mistress/maid. Her reasoning has been that being her husband is a privilege that I can only fully appreciate if I am able to understand how/when that privilege can be taken. Indeed, after weeks if not months I am more than ready to re-dedicate my energies towards being the best husband I can be.
ReplyDeleteI like this. Sounds very effective. Occasionally Thomas will be sent to the guest bedroom, but it usually does not last more than a week. I've toyed with the idea of having him move all his stuff to the guest bedroom so that master bedroom is all mine and he is always a guest in my bedroom. He would still sleep with me, but otherwise, he would not be allowed in without my permission or unless he was doing chores.
DeleteExactly, although as mentioned I’m not allowed to sleep in her bed either. At the moment we’re about a week into a ‘reset’ and aside from a thorough cleaning of the bathroom I was only allowed in to pumice her feet while she read.
DeleteMz Kaylee, for some reason being required to ask my wife for permission to enter what used to be "our bedroom" will be a seismic shift for me – like when she took control of our finances, or control of my free time, or began to discipline and punish me. It makes our marriage even more unequal and... exactly what I crave, and she knows it! haha This will be a devious trap she setting for me because other than sleeping, to enter her bedroom it's a certainty that I'll be in some act of serving her. I'll be thinking about the task or treat at hand and forget to ask, walk right into her bedroom, and have to pay some price she's set. And it's going to happen time and again! So she is loving this idea, especially once she saw my reaction to it. She has learned from you to minimize her workload and maximize my submissive mind when setting rules, so she has thought of a way to make my asking for permission a non-issue for her. You've "toyed with it" so we're just wondering what we're not thinking of, what else you might be seeing as downside? We thank you — Mateo
DeleteMateo - I don't see any downsides to making the bedroom hers and requiring you to ask permission to enter. It is most likely something I will do with my husband very soon. There are a few minor logistical things I need to think through about where all his stuff is going to go. We have an extra bedroom but it's already full of stuff. There will need to be some well needed clean out of that room for sure. Also, the kids are home from college right now so the timing is not good. I'd like to make it a a special event for him to transition all his stuff out of the room. He will be in a slave outfit or naked while doing it. I just need to pull the trigger on the idea. Might be something I do once the kids head back to college. Let me know how things go if your wife decides to do it.
DeleteMz Kaylee and Mateo ... What an amazing exciting and scary prospect of being required to ask permission to enter Mistress K.'s bedroom. It's a bit of a mindfuck just thinking about it. Not for nothing, I begand some time ago asking her for permission to enter her bed at night when we go to sleep. It was something I just sort began on my own, and it is not currently a rule, it is something I know that she appreciates when i do it. Hmmm, this will be fun to process in my mind.
DeleteThank you Mz Kaylee, I’m sure my wife will be happy to hear you don’t expect any downsides. Unlike you, we don’t have children and their inevitable questions like “Mom, why are all dad’s things in the other bedroom now?” It will be interesting to hear how you would handle that sort of thing. My downside would be not being able to sleep beside her and all the little rituals that end a day and begin the next. But luckily when she heard this idea, the first thing she said was that she will have me in bed with her every night, “Well…almost every night… IF you’ve been obedient…” Teresa knows how to tease!
DeleteIf she does have me move my things out I guess I’m lucky because I don’t have much to begin with. There’s some stuff in a drawer in my bedside table and some clothing & shoes in my little part of the closet. That’s it – she likes to keep things kinda minimalist, especially where I’m concerned. I get ready in the bathroom down the hall, and my bathroom stuff is already there. So, in a matter of 10 minutes it’ll be done, and “from then to forever” I’ll have to ask my wife permission to enter our master suite… Her master suite.
I will absolutely let you know how it goes if she makes this change Mz Kaylee, once given permission. Thanks again, also thank you to Tim’s wife for your ideas
Mateo
Mz Kaylee/Mateo: My wife initially had the same logistical questions but as you already pointed out, it became a "win win" as she saw she could have me thoroughly clean out a rarely used guest room in preparation. The amount of "my stuff" also got downsized, as the first time we did this coincided with transitioning to work-from-home and my wife decided that I could probably give away nearly half of my wardrobe and still "get by" (her closet, on the other hand, only grows, lol)....as for sleeping, during these refresh periods she generally requires me to sleep alone as it gives her more space and me more time in the mornings for chores. Anything she may require in bed (foot rubs, oral, etc.) she has me do before bed, after which I'm dismissed.
DeleteIt's important to realize that Dominant Women can take some time off. However, submissives, though they can take a time off, their Mistresses have the right to say "get back to it". There's a right answer to that, it's "Yes, Mistress".
ReplyDeleteBy the way I also just want to say Dommes and Mistresses *should* give their submissives and slaves time offs. The relationship or slavery is not abolished at those times but the submissive or slave, though led or owned, is on vacation.
DeleteMy husband is a writer who likes to come up with kinky acronyms that put him in his place. Sort of like a reset. Here is his latest:
ReplyDeleteS.H.E.E.P.
Submissive Husbands Enthusiastically Eat Pussy
Pretty good!
Trina
Now that's the best!
DeleteI like the concepts of taking away television privileges, or kneeling in the corner until being permitted to move as punishments. These are typically things a child would be issued.
ReplyDeleteI like this very much. It seems like it is a way for the Dominant Wife to recharge Her role as well. It is simply a way to re-energize the D/# dynamic. My Wife has made it clear that my wearing Women’s panties every day is a privilege that must be earned. For me, a harsh punishment would be having them taken away and having to wear men’s undies or having to do my chores without my apron. Edwin (Nancy)
ReplyDeleteRefresh in my situation is a little different. When my Queen is not happy with my attitude or work she tells me I have an appointment and tells me to retrieve the paddle and prepare myself in the guest room. Those few words initiate an immediate change in my attitude. It’s not a pleasant experience for a person who is not a masochist but it serves the purpose and our WLM finds itself immediately back on track. My Queen isn’t a person who would spend time developing a plan while I do find Mz Kaylee’s intriguing.
ReplyDeletesw
What you describe is an effective punishment. Thank you for sharing. To be clear, what I described in my post was about getting the WLM back on track when external factors have derailed it and not because my husband was being bad. If he was bad, lazy or disobedient, it would be a more severe punishment.
DeleteI will tell him to "Get in the closet!" I often punish Tony in our huge walkin closet that has a door that closes inside our master bathroom that has a door that locks inside our master bedroom that has a door that locks and is above the garage and at the opposite end of the house from most everything else, especially the bedrooms where the kids are sleeping. Plus I often gag him with a pair of my panties. So we can do a really hard reset without concern about being heard!!!
ReplyDeleteTrina
That's awesome. We have a similar setup in that our walk-in closet is deep within our bedroom and is the farthest away from everything else in the house. The loud slaps and gentle whimpers cannot be heard
DeleteAre there any known FLR resets where the couple just simply talks things over? Maybe they get out of "whack" simply because something simple needs to be adjusted in the relationship dynamic? Maybe sometimes a break from the "normal" routine for a mutually specified period is needed? As a passive person sometimes it is hard to express when my feelings are really down and the last thing I need is for my partner to add on to my bad feelings. I might actually need some loving affection and not harsh treatment.
ReplyDeleteA concerned quiet man.
Yes, of course. There is a time for punishment and there is a time for having discussions. The reality is that most of the time should be about discussions and talking through things and caring for each other.
DeleteA FLR should never preclude or preempt basic couple’s communication or friendly conversation. We have a weekly meeting during which I am free to voice concerns. I also sometimes write and print out letters for my Wife thanking Her for things and/or voicing concerns. Although She is in charge of the house, She is very tuned into and concerned about my feelings. I would never follow an insensitive leader. Edwin
ReplyDeleteWhat should a submissive man (with ED) do if he can not handle pain (punishment) or humiliation do? Should he avoid FLRs at all costs?
ReplyDeleteMany FLRs don’t use pain or humiliation. Maybe even the majority. There are many other ways to punish disobedience, disrespect, or laziness. I know from experience. A little imagination goes a long way.
DeleteI agree with the above! FLR’s are very rewarding with or without punishment, and should sought after as an ideal way to bring harmony to a marriage or relationship !
DeleteWe use both punishment, and long communication styles. Believe me when my mistress sets me down with a leadership plan for us to follow it can be very exciting. John
My Queen has never used pain (never spanked me). The only humiliation is a teasing erotic humiliation which She knows arouses me (and She uses to motivate me). I serve Her out of devotion and a wish to please Her, although She does reward me in some fun ways. We have an open and loving relationship — it is just abundantly clear that She is in charge of the house and the bedroom. There are many different styles of FLR — you build it together! Edwin
ReplyDeleteA great example of a loving FLR based on mutual respect not degradation, humiliation, or being selfishly used.
DeleteJust as a dominant husband may be gentle with his submissive wife, a dominant wife may be gentle with her submissive husband. However, all over the internet there are submissive husbands desperately desiring their wives to be stricter, tougher, etc. My husband says that spankings that are not harsh are just a game and he learns nothing from them -- nor is he turned on by them because they are not "real." Many wives in FLRs are harsher because their husbands beg them to be.
ReplyDeleteTrina
I’m not into pain or humiliation, but if it makes other husbands happy then who am I to judge.
DeleteI agree Trina. My husband desires to be held to a high standard and desires tough and strict discipline and when warranted, punishment. He is happiest when I am tough with him. There are also times where he is in need of nurturing and comfort. A loving WLM/FLR incorporates both aspects.
DeleteI agree as well. I desire to be held to a high standard and appropriate consequences when those standards are not met.
DeleteThank you for these reminders. Recently, in our home, I had back trouble which kept me from doing many of my chores, which my lovely wife undertook herself and THEN she had knee surgery, which, while painful for her, was wonderful for me because I was able to be the good submissive I know how to be to take care of her every need. After four weeks, she thanked me for all that I did but then said, "I'm feeling much better. Get in the corner." FLR has returned, but in an abbreviated state. Thanks for the reminders!
ReplyDeleteRobert, a submissive husband
Robert- a great example of the "R" in FLR and the "M" in WLM. In the end it's all about Relationships and Marriage and not just Domination and submission.
DeleteI hate punishment, and I hate being corrected, but I know that it is good for the soul, and every moment that a refresh is needed and not done would seem to be life wasted.
ReplyDeleteIf it was enjoyable it would not be punishment :)
ReplyDeleteThe coolest thing is that refreshing my husband also refreshes me. When he is over my knee I feel powerful and aroused. He feels cared for and aroused. I let him off my lap and comfort him until he pulls himself back together and then he gives me that aroused look but I say "not yet" and make him do some chore before joining me in bed. Showing off my power and delaying his gratification is delicious!
ReplyDeleteTalking about "wanting" punishment is always confusing. There are some men who are submissive as a baseline personality type and don't really need punishment or anything kinky to "push" them into that space -- although they may have a masochistic impulse that lets them enjoy the adrenaline rush when it happens. But there are other men (myself included) for whom submissiveness doesn't really come naturally, and here some kind of coercion narrative ("I'm being forced into this role") is really essential to create the psychological state that makes the relationship possible. It seems to strange to say things like "I want to be forced to become this way I wouldn't normally be". But after you've experienced the passion and see how much stronger it makes the relationship, the desire to get back into that submissive mentality is always present -- even if it hurts or requires work and sacrifice.
ReplyDeleteThere's a substantial gap between what my wife wants and what I want, from a "session" perspective. I came into the marriage enjoying elaborate bondage (especially predicament bondage), costumes (and lack thereof!), novelty, dramatic roleplaying (pretending to be "cruel"), and the whole concept of "transformation". I had male-dominant fantasies, and loved the idea of a selfish or independent woman being turned submissive and helpless while feeling ashamed of how aroused it made her feel. I think men enjoy that "taming of the woman" aspect.
My wife cares almost exclusively about obedience and service. She doesn't has as much interest in the journey, just the destination. She is satisfied with a static arrangement where her husband is constantly obedient and attentive to her all the time, with little effort on her part. She likes tools that make that more feasible (e.g. 24/7 chastity and fixed daily routines). Her fantasies don't even seem very sexual to me, at times -- like being a great lady in a house with servants who do all her work for her, for example, while she mostly ignores them. And she sees a dynamic relationship as an unsuccessful one. A slave who is rebelling and regressing into disobedience is a bad slave, not a fun one! A great lady shouldn't have to do extra work to create obedience, it should just be her birthright. She does occasionally like to use some "punishments", but only if they are basically unfair ones being used against an already submissive husband as a demonstration of how helpless he is and how powerful she is -- not as correction for any real lapse.
This was a source of a lot of tension early on, even after I accepted I was going to end up as the submissive partner 100% of the time. Since my old fantasy life had involved occasionally rebellious or bratty female submissives that needed to be "re-tamed", I assumed she'd feel the same way about me, and get bored if I were too well-behaved. I kept feeding her versions of my old session-fantasies, which she found amusing and then ignored. But she's really into stability and permanency. If I suggested something that I thought might be fun to try, she would test it and either decide it didn't work or she didn't like it (and never do it again) or that it did and she loved it (and thus want to do it all the time and forever in a routine daily way). This approach is less fun and creative for me, but over time I realized that she was right and it worked better for the whole family, in our busy parenting stage of life.
I greatly enjoy hearing stories about WLMs where these kinds of "special sessions" are more common, and I admit to being more than a little jealous!
Maybe in 10 years, when the kids have moved out...
Thank you for this post! My question is, how does one maintain being submissive and not burn out? We have a child in the house so things aren't as sexy as they once were. Nothing is cute about cleaning up poop or quinoa off the floor. For a week I've put the fantasy of being dominated aside and just focused on "how can I help?" Oftentimes I don't need instruction I just act. For example if I see dirty dishes or laundry needs folding. I already do the grocery shopping and some other household things. My wife loves having the extra help, and I truly love helping her. She's my partner and my best friend. We have PIV sex once a week sometimes twice. I usually finish on myself under her feet while laying on the bed. This is not to sound unappreciative, but it's always the same and I wish there was a way to spark things and make it more fun! Things have gotten stale and in turn they leave me uninspired as a submissive. How have others overcome this plateau, respectfully, and eloquently? Thank you, much love!!
ReplyDeleteIt is challenging when you have young kids. One thing that worked well for us is that we scheduled 2 or 3 getaway weekends a year with just us two. Sometimes it was just a local inn or even staying out the house and having someone watch the kids overnight. Please read through some of the older posts on my blog for other ideas as I was writing them while the kids were young.
DeleteIs any of this applicable to a Level 1 FLR? Terry in USA
ReplyDeleteDo you really believe that formal Level 1 FLRs really exist? I haven't seen any described in blogs other than in casual comments in passing that it is the beginning level but not any real people stay there. So in my opinion you will not see any comments from anyone in a Level 1 FLR. Too many women are addicted to the power rush of being the dominant to have a "toned down" FLR.
DeleteI am surprised there haven't been any examples. Bummer because I was hoping to find one.
Delete