The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines humiliation as “to reduce (someone) to a lower position in one’s own eyes or others eyes: to make (someone) ashamed or embarrassed.”
When thinking about the perspective of submissive guys,
there is a correlation between humiliation and what a submissive desires. At
the core of a submissive, is the desire to yield to a higher authority and be
beneath her authority. Humiliation is a method for the wife to exert power over
a person. For many submissives, humiliation sparks deep sexual arousal by
creating a feeling of being controlled and manipulated by a woman’s feminine
power. When the man craves this humiliation, it can be a healthy form of
domination for the dominant wife. She can use humiliation to serve two main
purposes: 1) As fantasy play to heighten his arousal and bring him pleasure and
2) As a means to drop his mind into deep submission, which makes him more
obedient. Both of these purpose are desired by the submissive and will strengthen
his loyalty to her.
I personally do not like or support humiliation that
involves harshly yelling at a guy or harshly demeaning him such as and calling
him pathetic or a loser, or spitting on him. This does not seem beneficial to
the relationship and over time can have a negative and detrimental effect on
the individual. This type of humiliation is often what you see on porn
websites. Some guys get off on this and will pay women to humiliate them in
this way. However, in my opinion this type of humiliation is not what a WLM or FLR
is about and is not healthy for the submissive. I’m sure there are exceptions,
but most women in a committed relationship do not want their husband to feel or
act like a loser.
I am more subtle and seductive with humiliation. I use
humiliation in a loving way to get my husband’s arousal flowing and to push him
into deep submission to me. I know, “loving humiliation” is an oxymoron but it
is a real thing. Let me explain. For my husband, the biggest source of
humiliation comes in the form of “forced” panty wearing. I use quotes, because
while I require him to wear panties, it is really what he wants. When he slides
on a pair of panties in front of me, he is embarrassed but he is also fully
aroused. It started out as just occasional kink play and eventually turned into
him being in panties 24/7. In fact, just
recently when I had him move his clothes out of the master bedroom closet and
into the spare bedroom (see my post on taking ownership of the bedroom), he
came across his boring boy underwear that I had him pack away several years
ago. He asked me if he would ever be allowed to wear them again. I laughed and
said, “You already know the answer to that question.” Then I pointed to the
trash can and told him there was no need to keep them around anymore. Out in
the trash they went!
He has been in panties 24/7 for several years now because I
like the effect they have on him. The humiliation does not stop there. I’ve
also bought him sissy panties that he has to wear for certain occasions. They
are silk panties designed for men and are accented with frilly lace and
ribbons. These add a whole additional level of embarrassment and excitement for
him because of the sissy connotation. I have to admit, that I do like how he
looks in them. In addition to requiring him to wear panties, I will often refer
to him as a girl or tell him he is acting like a girl. I don’t yell at him. I
do it in a fun teasing way. This always has a submissive effect on him. When he
blushes or pretends to resist, I’ll say, “you love it. I know it.” He always
responds, “yes, you are right.” Once when I took him shopping for panties, I
told him how much fun it was shopping for him and that it was like shopping for
a little girl. This was a positive way to use humiliation. Although he felt
embarrassed at the statement, I was letting him know that I enjoyed and
accepted it. This really had an arousing and submissive effect on him. A
similar approach I’ve used is to tell him that he looks sexy in panties and that
he is much more obedient in panties. It’s positive reinforcement with subtle
humiliation.
Another form a humiliation that I use often, is to tell him
that he is weak for me. I do it while teasing his cock and when he is fully
aroused and I know he will do anything for me. Similar to what I mentioned
above, I do not yell at him. I say it to him in a fun and teasing way. Also,
notice that I follow the word “weak” with the words “for me.” He is not a weak
man, but he is weak for me; weak for my seductive power.
More recently, I started requiring him to keep a pacifier in
his mouth at the beginning of silent days as a reminder to be silent for the
day. Usually he is in sissy panties too, so this is a bit of a humiliating
experience for him. When it’s time to remove the pacifier (he must come to me
to have me remove it), I will tell him “good boy” and make him nod to promise
that he will be a good boy by not talking all day. It all sounds so silly, but
I can tell you it has an overwhelming effect on him. His cock is always
throbbing hard when he has the pacifier in, and he has this deep submissive
look about him, when I talk to him this way. Silent days occur weekly, and I
feel that this new routine has a lasting effect on him and is one of those
things that keeps him feeling continually submissive and obedient to me
throughout the week.
Those are the biggest forms of humiliation that I use. There
are other things I do, that one may consider humiliating, but I see it as more
dominant play. These include using him as a footstool, making him kneel in the
corner, and spanking him. I guess whether something is humiliating or not,
depends on the person.
A female Goddess that I correspond with regularly, shared
with me that she discovered her husband had a thing for small penis
humiliation. As a result, she purposely brings up the topic of penis size when
talking with her single friends, while her husband is present. She does not
talk about his penis size, but she will inquire about the other men’s penis
size. This is a fun subtle way to use humiliation play. She also cuckolds him
and when she comes back from a date, she will spend time talking about how big
her date’s penis was. She does not yell at him or call him pathetic, but rathe
she playfully compares him to others to get his submissive juices flowing. Her approach
is another example of loving humiliation.
Think of loving humiliation as the sweetest Disney Princess,
seducing a guy into a humiliating situation. Lol! “Let me help you into those pretty panties
sweetie….oh, yes, they look so nice on you…doesn’t the silk feel good against
your cock….good girl…now turn for me…so nice..your ass looks so cute in in
panties… (she rubs his cock through the panties)…I see you are enjoying this
too..it’s nothing to be ashamed about….I like to see you in panties…it makes
you so docile and obedient….I like that…my feet are a little sore sweetie….how
about you get on your knees and rub them….yes, good girl….that feels so nice…I
like seeing you kneel before me in pretty panties….we’ll have to go shopping to
buy you more panties….”
-Mz Kaylee
Whew, Mz Kaylee, you were just getting warmed up in that last paragraph. Probably a good thing you stopped when you did. =^o
ReplyDelete:)
DeleteMs Kaylee: you and my wife have much in common. She also loves to humiliate me by making me wear frilly sissy parties especially under my work clothes at the office.And like your Goddess friend there is plenty of SPH. Additionally, she loves to lock me in chastity- not for weeks or even days at a time - but for a few hours at a time - or a full day at work - just enough to remind me who really wears the pants in the family. The humiliation continues when I return home from work and she requires me to wear a maid’s outfit and clean the house like her own personal housekeeper while she relaxes- watches television and calls her friends on the phone .
ReplyDeleteBeing a personal housemaid for wife is so lovely and exciting
DeleteSounds wonderful and I like that she has a maid's outfit for you.
DeleteYes! A maid’s outfit with a very girly apron when I clean the kitchen ; also bathe her; towel her dry, brush her long blonde hair and massage her feet. Alpha male with a power job by day , but secretly a submissive sissy to my Princess at night and on weekends
DeleteA replica Victorian maid uniform with a mop cap, was my gift from my wife on our first anniversary. I've had a few since then, and typically wear one on weekends while house cleaning. I look forward to putting it on, and getting into my role of housemaid. So glad to see you're doing the same SubH.
DeleteRather funny how a frilly outfit or just a pair of panties will keep us aroused and submissive. A few simple words, doesn’t take a bull whip, and we are off to do the housework without a complaint. A controlling wife can enjoy a lot with not much effort, just make us weak through arousal.
DeleteI enjoyed watching Thomas do his chores tonight in his maid panties and collar and cuffs. Once done he gave me a massage, pleasured me (no orgasm for him) and then it was off to iron my clothes while I went to sleep. Life is good!
DeleteI could have been doing a good work for my wife, but I found too many Noes.
DeleteNo to spanking, no to panties, no to corner time, no to punishments... I find difficult to be submissive without those things.
All the "No"s you talk about would make a FLR a possibility (in addition to No humiliation) for me in a relationship.
DeleteHumiliation in my marriage has really been so important , it’s just obliterated my male ego, when-my wife and I are in public like a social setting she does
Deleteall the talking ,I mostly remain silent and even when I’m asked questions directly she will quickly step in and cut me off people always know who is the boss between her and I no doubt but really what was most important fact that deflated my male ego was through cuckolding , it was such humiliation to be cuckolded at first it really had a great effect on me and there’s nothing else like it it turned me into obedient sub husband and it’s the combination chastity and cuckolding that humiliation to wear the horns well you just lose that fake macho facade and well it put me in my place I accept my wife’s authority over me I no longer ever question her she always right , maybe it’s not for everyone but my wife and I are very happy and we embrace her sexual freedom and my chastity it’s been great slave cc
Up front, I am not like the typical man in this forum. I like to state this up front.
ReplyDeleteI am one who does not approve of humiliation of either party in a relationship no matter who is leading. In fact I believe the leader has a moral obligation to uplift the follower in all areas that she is able to and that should be almost all areas as both people find her qualified to lead the relationship. I believe the female leader has the obligation to uplift her male follower both professionally and emotionally. Professionally I do not see how humiliation causes a person to want to better themselves to become better. In fact I personally believe it has the opposite effect and has the highest potential of causing problems for the male self confidence at work. Being a more passive person in general, the male will in almost all cases, will need positive words and feelings from his trusted female partner to emotionally tackle what needs to be done by him to get ahead or at least "stay afloat". Outside of work/professional life usually their whole self esteem is based on the view they receive from their female partner/leader. If they are to have a positive self image of themselves they need to hear and feel positive feelings and words about themselves. Usually most passive people "beat" themselves up and thus have a low self image of who they are, thus they may need even more positive words and actions from their partner to start feeling like they are worthwhile and not a failure. Unfortunately I fit into that category and can speak from personal experience of the personal baggage I put on myself. Many times us passive makes bring on our negative self talk and we really desperately need to hear from our partner positive talk. When I think of humiliation, I think of the piling on effect of my own negative self talk and thus feel more bad about myself in so many ways and I can easily see it spiraling out of control. Right now I am not in a relationship (widowed for a long time and just finished a LDR that didn't work out as expected), so I do not have the luxury of the ability of hearing positive words after I "beat myself up internally" with words of self doubt and negative self worth. Also as an older man heading ever closer to retirement I also deal with physical issues that humiliation whatsoever would "kill" me emotionally and spiral down my self image as I hear negative words about myself.
Hopefully you can see where I am coming from on the dangers of receiving humiliation and why it is a subject that is near and dear to me. "Mikey" in Midwestern USA.
Yes, Mz. Kaylee, Erotic Humiliation is extremely powerful for submissive males like me. It is an art form. Fortunately for me, my Wife is quite proficient in this area. She knows that certain words, a certain tone of voice, and certain situations are deliciously humiliating for me. And you are correct, Erotic Humiliation is not crude degradation. It has a lot to do with attitude.
ReplyDeleteI could give countless examples, but I will just give just two: Each morning She allows me to kiss Her ass. Most of the time, this produces an erection. If it does, I must tell Her. Sometimes, She is in a hurry and uninterested. Other times, I am required to pull down my pants and panties to show Her. She will laugh and comment how pussy-whipped I am that I become aroused from kissing Her ass, then She will dismiss me (now even more aroused, but frustrated).
While I worship Her, She often will remind me why I am rarely allowed penetration.
This Erotic Humiliation keeps me devoted to Her and in Her service. Edwin
Dear Ms Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your blog. You make a wonderful job training your husband.
I would be nervous to know my wife talks to a cuckoldress Domme regulary.
Yes, it's humiliating and exciting when you hear your wife talk about other men's size. You may try it and see how your hubby reacts to that. It's a powerful trick to make him feel aroused, humiliated and humble.
Thanks again!
It has no effect on him. He is well endowed and very confident sexually so this type of humiliation does nothing for him. Funny how different men have varied responses to different kinks.
DeleteThanks for your answer.
DeleteAnyway I find super exciting your treatment towards him... orgasm control, chores, spanking, corner time...
In our marriage I am very much the boss and my husband knows it. Like most men, despite many years of training and discipline, he tends to forget his position, especially in public and ends up putting his foot in his mouth. Along with occasional corporal punishment, which I am not a fan of; I use a heavy dose of humiliation to correct him.
ReplyDeleteLike you, I find a pacifier very useful. I have even used it a few times in public - once when he baulked at trying out panties and bra in a ladies trial room at a shop. At home pacifiers are often in use, just to remind him to be quiet and obedient. My mother and his younger sister, who is a close friend have seen me put a pacifier in his mouth when he talks out of turn or in an offensive manner. Both approve this practice and are amused that he has to get my permission to remove it once inserted. I observe an immediate change from a rude sulky adult to a quiet child, who is often eager to please and obey me. I have even warned him that he may be bottlefed or breastfed if I find his behaviour too childish. He is truly scared because he knows that I have a close friend who is a nursing single mother; and that we have even discussed this possibility in his presence.
I like to keep him slightly guessing and scared as it reinforces his feelings of submission to me.
Love
Asha
Wow, doing things in public adds a whole new level of humiliation. We're pretty private with what we do, so public humiliation is not something I do. I touch on it slightly when we go shopping for panties, but it really is between us two. Those around us have no idea what's going on, unless they are very observant.
DeleteThis sounds excellent Asha. Our FLR is kept entirely away from family. This would definitely establish who holds the authority.
DeleteTo Mikey: My Wife 100% supports me and encourages me in work and many things and tells me that She is proud of me. Teasing me sexually and my serving Her in no way diminishes my self esteem. Actually, as She is a beautiful Woman, I am proud to serve Her and proud that She has chosen me. We both know that She respects me and that Her teases are erotic play. That being said, there is a fine line between Erotic Humiliation and hurtful humiliation. It takes finesse, insight, intuition, and intelligence on the part of the Domme to know the difference. Fortunately for me, my Wife can play me like a finely tuned fiddle. Edwin
ReplyDeleteWell said Edwin. Mikey, first thing first - you need to stop beating yourself up and you need to realize that most people do not have low self esteem. If you are hanging around people with low self esteem then you need to find a new group of people. If you are close to retirement age, then you really, really need to start enjoying life, so focus on the positive, and don't rely on others get you in a positive mood. Make that positive come from within and be the person that energizes others. When you help others, it makes you feel good. I hope that makes sense.
ReplyDeleteI agree there is no room in the professional world for humiliation. That's a definite no. Humiliation is not acceptable socially either. The type of humiliation I referred to in my post was specific to a WLM/FLR and is not negative. Read the last paragraph of my post. It is filled with positive statements and is playful.
Thanks for replying Mz Kaylee and Edwin. I just wanted to clarify a little bit of where my concern was coming from. As a passive man, I thought there would be significant others like myself. I am an introvert who has a lot of social issues (not comfortable at all meeting new people). A personal note the problems I experienced with social situations was made worse during my high school years by humiliation (some people probably didn't realize it). With the humiliation it made it harder on me and caused me to give up on social events. Now comes to my adulthood and any kind of humiliation causes me to back off social situations whenever possible even causing me to become more distant from others. Now comes my concern with a partner you intimately trust with your life, when she humiliates you no matter how innocent it could have effects on your feelings about your self worth and really impact you on social situations. I can speak from experience that inadvertent humiliation did have that affect on me. In fact it also caused me to get even more passive and quiet. In fact it would take a while to heal from it. So my assumption was that many submissive men are passive like myself and are quiet by nature, this not social men. Maybe more socially adept men can handle subtle humiliation, but I know from past experience I am not one of them. Now that I am older I am also more sensitive to the shortcomings that older age has dealt me, so I am easier to be humiliated too. It might also explain why I have a significant trouble using digital dating (which is easier than finding people that I already know). So in short knowing myself I realize I have a ton of social baggage and need a strong woman who can help give me social confidence. Mikey.
DeleteWell Mikey, you may not be one who is aroused by Erotic Humiliation. However, again, I want to emphasize that the kind of bullying and mean demeaning that you experienced in your school days and that has contributed to your social anxiety is very, very different than consensual power exchange. I want my Wife to erotically tease me. It excites me. It does not hurt me. She knows where the boundary is and She would never intentionally hurt me. If you ever have the pleasure of being in a FemDom relationship, you will have to make clear that you do not wish to be teased, only “bossed around.” Edwin.
DeleteConfidence needs to come within. Sure, another person can help you build that confidence, but ultimately you need to be comfortable with yourself and stop thinking that you have shortcomings. FLR is not going to solve that. It helped me build confidence as a dominant person, but I did not have low self-esteem when I started. I'd suggest trying to get involved with activities at a community center, a church, or some type of social or business organization, to meet other people.
DeleteMz Kaylee, I like your remark: "I personally do not like or support humiliation that involves harshly yelling at a guy or harshly demeaning him such as and calling him pathetic or a loser, or spitting on him. This does not seem beneficial to the relationship and over time can have a negative and detrimental effect on the individual."
ReplyDeleteI agree with you, I think it can be harmful both to the relationship and to the individual concerned. My partner employs a different form of humiliation: if I do something she disapproves of, she at once gives me several hard swats on my bottom and scolds me with a remark like "Naughty boy!" She does this not only when we are in private but also in public. She seems to especially like doing it in front of other women, I guess she likes to show them that she has me under control. I find it humiliating but also arousing and I think it is far better than the harsh yelling and demeaning that you criticize.
Kudso to your wife. As you know, first hand, the immediate feedback is very effective. And a quick reprimand in public is not such a bad thing. I see it as a mild form of public humiliation. Nothing over the top, but enough for people to know she is in charge. Every now and then I will give my husband a few hard punches to the arm when he says or does something that upsets me. My punches barely phase him physically, but when I do it, he recoils a bit and knows I am mad and so he immediately changes his tune and drops into submissive mode.
DeleteMz Kaylee, your blog has been a true inspiration for both my partner and I. If I may ask you Mz Kaylee, I would truly love to read a blog post (or response) by you regarding Thomas' obedience and humiliation when you are either out with your friends, on the phone with them or they are invited over. To provide some context, I get deeply humiliated being held accountable on my behaviour and teased/made to feel 'ashamed' and reminded on things I have been made to do before, during and after such engagements. The way you articulate his mindset and your methods I find fascinating and hope to hear from you Mz Kaylee
ReplyDeleteI am glad to hear my blog is helping your partner and you. Thank you for the feedback. Public obedience/behavior, would probably be a good post topic. Social events do seem to be a challenge with him sometimes because he gets caught up in the social activity. Generally I am not overt in my control over him in public. However, we have been practicing WLM so long, that my control and his submission are naturally woven into our behaviors and it is clear to others that I call the shots and he obeys. There have been a few times where I have reprimanded him in front of others or have talked to him in a controlling or strict way in front of others. It puts him in his place quickly! It is also very natural and instinctive for him to tell his friends he needs to check with me before he makes any plans with them and he often passes on some social events because he knows he has chores to do or things to do for me.
DeleteThank you Mz Kaylee. This is very helpful indeed and shows your full control over him. I know that Thomas is required to act a certain way around Family, friends and in general although have you ever considered adding humiliating things when you are occupied in public outings and he is home? Alternatively, when you are hosting social events at your home? Trips abroad with friends and expectations in hotel room?
DeleteThe reason I ask is that my partner and I are trying implementing such things in order to improve behavior whilst keeping me in a submissive state of mind, for example when she goes out I am locked in chastity and given a list of chores to complete whilst occasionally being teased with pics of the fun she is having and humiliated via text messages.
I have so many more questions but will continue being an avid reader of your blogs and create an account. Thank you again Mz Kaylee and I look forward to your future blog posts ( I always get excited when I see a new post).
As always, a wonderful post. Like many, it appears, my wife, like you, doesn't demean me with harsh language or the like. I will be scolded when I'm been naughty and it will be made VERY clear why she's unhappy, but she still respects me in that regard.
ReplyDeleteI've written previously about "cum cubes" in my drink and my diaper punishment, each of which was/is humiliating. I'm often required to wear a ribbon on my boy parts, again, reminding me of my status as a submissive male. She'll select from about a dozen ribbons of varying lengths and thickness for me to wear, some comfortable some not at all. The act of wrapping it around, tying a pretty bow, and presenting myself for approval is both exciting and humiliating. I stand there, pants and undies at my ankles while she examines my handiwork, occasionally lifting our penis to check on how the scrotum is entwined. Of course, it almost always results in me getting hard and being told, "stuff it in, darling, and pull up your pants." The ribbon MUST come off before a certain time, washed, and hung to dry the next day. If I forget and leave it out where she (or anyone) can see it, it's usually bare-bottomed corner time.
Thanks to you, Ma'am, for this blog and to all the wonderful people who share their journey.
robert, a submissive husband
robert - I like the ritualistic aspect of how she inspects the ribbons, and how you have to wash and hang the ribbon. The attention she gives to the ribbons make the ribbon wearing more meaningful and I'm sure has a long lasting impact on you. Similar to your ribbon washing, when my husband wears punishment panties (and he is now), he has to handwash them every night and hang them up to dry to wear the next day.
ReplyDeleteNo one else knows why we're shopping for ribbon when we go to the fabric store, but I certainly do. "Hold these, they'll look nice on you" in a voice just loud enough for me to hear. *blush*
DeleteI enjoy that subtle form of public domination. It's fun making my husband blush and get aroused when shopping for panties for him. I get a kick out of making him pay for the panties and watching him try to play it cool for the sales lady. I also remember a time years ago when I bought him a dog tag engraved with "Property of Kaylee." We used a self-service engraving machine in PetSmart where you see the tag being engraved. As we watched each letter being carved into the tag, I could tell he was nervous, hoping no one else would come over and look and he also had that quiet submissive look about him.
DeleteMz Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteAs always an excellent post. I do have a question regarding Thomas’s punishment panties. When you have him wear those panties is that his punishment or are you letting him know he will receive a punishment at a time of your choosing?
sw
There are a couple of ways I use punishment panties. If he has done something bad that requires punishment, he will be punished and then required to wear the panties afterward. It's like a continued punishments but it also keeps him focused on correcting his behavior. The amount of time he has to wear them depends on the severity of the disobedience and how satisfied I am that he has corrected the behavior and will continue to perform at a high level for me. Usually it lasts 1 - 2 weeks. Then there are times where I will order him into the panties and let him know that a punishment is coming. This occurs when I don't have time to issue the punishment at the moment or I need to think about how I want to punish him. It's a way for me to let him know he needs to correct his behavior immediately and he is still going to be held accountable for his disobedience. The last way I use punishment panties is to refocus him on making me his priority and keeping up with his chores, tasks, and responsibilities. If I feel he is slipping a bit and becoming lazy or hasty, I will order him to wear the panties to get refocused. I may not issue a punishment in this scenario but this is the scenario where he typically wears them the longest. Let's just say he is in "refocus" mode now and has been wearing them everyday for almost 2 months now. This weekend, I am going to set a "release" date for him in which he can transition back to his regular panties if he performs to expectations from now until then. I have never done that before so we'll see how it goes.
DeleteIf I've been naughty and I'm going to get a spanking, sometimes I'll have to wear a pair of panties two sizes too small all day. When the spanking comes that evening, there's a nice target for her, Plus, it's an uncomfortable reminder all day that I'll have a red bottom soon.
DeleteOne question, please.
DeleteHave you always punished him in a "femdom" way since you are into a FLR relationship? I think my wife's first way to punish me would be to stop being my Domme for a while.
On the other hand if she punished me with chastity, spanking or chores I would increase my submission to her
The combination of both types of punishments is very effective. No attention from the Domme is probably one of the hardest punishments for a submissive, but if done too long, it can cause bad feelings and make the sub depressed. As you noted the other type of punishment, increases submission. An effective punishment i use is to forbid him from going out with friends for a period time, and also make him kneel in the corner for 20 minutes
DeleteI think just the fact of being formally punished by your wife is humiliating and arousing.
DeleteYes, maybe starting by making him kneel in the corner puts him in his place, and then not seeing his friends makes him feel your empowerment over him and feels he is yours. Great!
DeleteWhat happens when either party crosses a boundary? What happens if the other party feels it was malicious or too frequent?
ReplyDeleteI don't think that could ever happen with my husband because he is a submissive slut. Seriously thought, In a loving relationship it should never happen. My husband and I are so connected and bonded emotionally, that I can not imagine a scenario where there would be malicious intent or boundaries crossed. If you are in a new relationship then it is a good idea to set boundaries, establish a safe word and be open in your communication with each other. If a boundary is inadvertently crossed, then you talk about it and move on. If one person does not respect the boundaries or is malicious then it's time to find a new partner.
DeleteWhile I am quite submissive, this is a mutual consent relationship. This simply couldn't happen as either of us can simply say "no," explain why, and we move on... at least, that's what I suspect as it's yet to happen.
Deleterobert, a submissive husband
The desire to be humiliated and put in your place by your wife is a tough concept to understand. Why would a husband desire being told to wear feminine frilly panties by his wife and then be expected to do a majority of the housework while she relaxes or goes out? Doesn’t sound like something that would make a guy want to worship her ass, but it can and does. Yes, some husbands are aroused by this type of relationship and thrive in it. That’s just how we roll, it’s not like we have a choice in what arouses us. Yes, humiliation of the men by women is is just a form of affection that we desire, but it seems like few women really understand this. As you have pointed out Mz Kaylee, it doesn’t need to be over the top but is best served in simple ways like the pacifier and panties. Two simple items women can utilize to make their men weak for them and stir desire men that is beyond their control. My wife finds it most amusing, that just adds to the humiliation. It’s crazy and awesome all at the same time.
ReplyDeleteAt home I spend most of the time dressed in just a pair of underpants. The original reason for this was not humiliation, it was simply that my partner is more sensitive to cold than I am. When she is comfortable fully dressed, I find it too warm, so I got into the habit of stripping to my underwear. However I soon found that there is an element of humiliation involved, especially as she prefers me to wear tight fitting briefs. She finds them a tempting target and I often get my bottom patted and smacked. And of course, if I am naughty and need to be punished, she only needs to remove one garment before giving me a well deserved paddling on my bare bottom.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteWhy would a man want to be:
Dominated?
Humiliated?
Emasculated?
It seems counterintuitive. I have no scientific evidence, but I would guess that domination and humiliation evokes the flight or fight response and that this is related to the dopamine reward cycle.
Let's face it, men crave this. The concept of operant conditioning suggests that anything could be sexualized.
I hope not to offend anyone, but some women have reported being aroused while being raped.
On the Femdom 101 site there was a (long since deleted) account of young FLR couple, The husband was being told by his wife (in the presence of his mother) on how to do the ironing, while he was locked in chastitiy.
In the comments section the men found it hot, Mistress Kathy did not understand.
At the age of 11 I was reprimanded by the teacher, she called me up to the front of the class to scold me by her desk. Sensing I was distracted, she exclaimed "I'm talking to you!"
Little did she know what was happening in my pants.
In a rather frank discussion with a friend, I told her, men don't get what they want from women. The often turn to drinking drugs, porn, and masturbation.
What about the submissive men?
The strongest examples of domination and humiliation are something not unknown:
Prison
The Military
Street Gangs
These environments have some need for Heirarchy. Does a marriage need the same? Imagine a business with no manager.
A man is most vulnerable when he is erect, aroused and submissive.
Or as Emily Addison said, "A teased man is like putty in your hands."
I enjoyed how Ms. Asha uses a pacifier for her husband:
"At home pacifiers are often in use, just to remind him to be quiet and obedient. My mother and his younger sister, who is a close friend have seen me put a pacifier in his mouth when he talks out of turn or in an offensive manner. Both approve this practice and are amused that he has to get my permission to remove it once inserted."
The ultimate humiliation is Cuckolding. Ms. Debbie has the power to have her husband locked naked in the powder room while she enjoys a night of passionate lovemaking with her boyfriend. Her husband must live with an exquisite humiliation at these times.
I would categorize myself as submissive to the core. If I see a beautiful woman during the day, possibly at a store, I thank the Goddess that such Female beauty exists in this world.
Everything in human life is really about sex, except sex. Sex is about power.
A poet
It is absolute BS that any woman has ever reported being aroused while being raped. No credible scientific source has ever reported that. Rape is not sex. It is an act of violence, horrible violence, and should never be compared to Femdom or any kind of consensual sex — a false equivalency if there ever was one.
DeleteNo, everything in human life is not about sex and power. What a horribly shallow view of humanity that leaves out love, compassion, empathy, curiosity, knowledge, empathy, friendship, loyalty, art, and community.
I am sure that Mz Kaylee understands that the sexual energy that her FLR provides is only the icing on the cake in her committed marriage. There is much more to life. Most of us who read this blog know that! Edwin
You are so very correct that rape is a crime no if ands or buts. Non consensual sex is a huge no no. All sexual acts need to be consensual between the 2 parties. In a perfect world it would be loving in its own special way, whichever way it is.
DeleteRemember both people be good to each other, there are already too many people who want to cause harm to others.
My latest humiliation? Masturbating onto my dinner while she watches.
ReplyDeleteHow do you keep your boyfriend/husband from becoming passively (and quietly) resentful of the relationship? I mean where he is at the point of hating the relationship but too afraid to say anything because of the repercussions.
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ReplyDeleteI have deleted statistics posted by an anonymous person regarding date rape. I have read the article cited and found no such statistics in the article.
ReplyDeleteAs a man who is looking up information because his girlfriend suggested a FLR, I am very hesitant about agreeing to one. On this post alone I have seen so much humiliation of the man by the woman in these kinds of relationships. I am definitely not a person who can tolerate being purposely humiliated or teased. It just doesn't sit well with me at all. I didn't see a post from a woman who said she didn't participate in this kind of activity, so I am extrapolating that this kind of behavior is a very common behavior in FLRs. Miller.
ReplyDeleteWell if you can’t take humiliation you better not get involved in FLR , my owner/wife never misses a chance to humiliate me, she always has outside lovers and long term lovers who she openly dates they call her and pick her up , her steady lover knows I’m her husband but he doesn’t pay any mind to that and she enjoys making me watch her in action , she enjoys complete sexual freedom and loves to tell her boyfriends how I’m not allowed to be with anyone else but her and I’m never allowed to screw her only oral sex her receiving actually her boyfriend made that rule for me and only after they make love am I allowed to eat her pussy ,the other dominant wife’s we know humiliate their subs some don’t involve cuckolding but my owner wife loves the freedom and her control over me and I love her I’m not looking for anyone else I’m owned and very happy that I am owned by her , no if you can’t take humiliation that’s part of FLR marriage I know quite a few couples into FLR’s and all of them seem to involve humiliation of the sub in one way or another slave cc
DeleteThanks for confirming my hunch. Miller
DeleteSo from what I am reading, it is "open" season on passive husbands/boyfriends. I would like to know why a woman would want to take advantage of in a bad way a kind loving passive person? Just because a man wants to make sure you are happy should not give you a license to make his life miserable either physically or emotionally. It also saddens me to see other men say men who are passive and want to be treated humanely do not deserve to exist. It means these men feel a passive man deserves to be treated like "dirt" since they desire to be treated like "dirt". I would like to see a domme who treats her passive husband with the upmost respect and love he deserves. LHY
ReplyDeleteRead the comments above. Read the comment from men throughout this blog. Go onto any femdom blog or forum and read the comments. They are over rum with men wanting to be dominated and humiliated. Why are the so many porn sites about women humiliating men? The evidence is overwhelming....submissive men want this. It is not disrespectful or hateful. It is doing what the husband desires. In fact, there are thousands of men who are miserable because their wives won't dominate them in this way. This is a fact, not my opinion. Just because you don't like it or understand it....just because it does not meet the definition of what you want, does not mean it is wrong or bad. This is about submissive men, not passive men. There is a difference. What you want is a traditional marriage, not a sub/dom relationship. The answer for you is to find a wife/woman who can treat you with respect and love, and not a dom.
DeleteSo what you are saying/implying is that a FLR requires an element of kink involved in it. A "Level 1" as defined on many articles really does not exist and is defined so that the mainstream accepts this lifestyle and overlooks the harsher BDSM elements of the lifestyle.
DeleteI am not familiar with what "level 1" means so I can not comment specifically on that. However, in the context of how I define FLR - yes it requires an element of kink. Without kink, it is just traditional marriage with the wife as the head of household. For a FLR to be successful, there needs to be discipline but the other elements of BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism) are not required for a FLR. Bondage can spice things up and make it fun. Sadism and Masochism refers to the sexual gratification derived from either receiving or giving pain and so these elements exist when the couple has these desires and wants to inflict/receive pain. S&M is not needed for a FLR and it is not a part of my FLR..
DeleteI can not cope with the criticism my girlfriend gives on the household chores I do. I get internally torn up whenever she finds anything wrong with my best efforts. It has been eating me up inside for a long, long time. I can't talk to her about it because as the dominant in the relationship she is always right (or appears to take that attitude), but I can't take being wrong on a task I worked so very hard on, especially by someone I thought I wanted to spend my life with. I am putting my issue in here because to me it relates to humiliation and I also get knots inside whenever she says anything humiliating about me in public or private.
ReplyDeleteHow do I handle it? The one thing in my favor is that the lease is in my name (better credit rating by far). My paycheck still goes to my checking account. I feel so helpless I can't really undo the FLR and the only solution I see is to break off the relationship before the relationship breaks me.
Mickey